195: Pete's BACK and calls out Sam!

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2:00Noom. Lose for keeps. Get started at Noom.com. Not all customers will clinically qualify for medications. Individual results may vary. Well, well, well. If you couldn't hear the smile, the beam in my face, The tears of joy that are streaming down my cheeks right now. Well, don't let them stream too much. That hair dial come out. Yeah, that's right. You heard it here first. He's back. Welcome to Staying Relevant, the podcast hosted by me, Sam Thompson, and a newly returned, my bestest of best pals, Peter, James, Jonathan, Joseph Wicks, everybody. We're here. We're back. And we've missed you. There's a loud clap there.

2:48I know. I always have. you know what he's having Jesus the connection I get on my palms when I fucking go for it is mad yeah that is wild yeah I'm back this is the main episode which means it's Monday so you'll be able to watch this on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from Wednesday at 5pm and then we'll be doing a bonus episode which comes out Thursday audibly which you can watch on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from Sunday at 5pm there will be swearing because I am back if you don't like it go fuck yourself make sure you rate, review do all of that crap But subscribe to the YouTube. Very important for us.

3:22You know the score by now. So let's start with, yes, I'm back. But also, I feel like Josh deserves a round of applause because Daddy Cool is also back. Yeah, well done, Josh. He's back with a child to boot as well. He's got a new haircut to make him look younger. He's holding on to the linen despite the fact it's raining. But he is a father now. Tired, Josh? tired but very happy very happy little baby Amelia who I've seen a picture of and she is fucking beautiful thank you thank god she takes after her mother we're very happy I agree I agree well done Joshy boy we've missed you it's a real fucking pleasure to have you back brother and we adore you so congratulations sir thank you appreciate it the family is whole again yes we are thanks to Small Dick Paul though as well who stood in obviously while Josh was gone yes thank you to Small Dick Small Dick Paul, who actually, you know, bless Small Dick Paul, I think he will become a regular occurrence because we love him.

4:23Sam and I have worked with him a number of times before. And, yeah, he's been great. So big thank you to Paul. Big thanks, Paul. And Pete is back with brand new Tash. Yeah. How do you think? Mate, do you know what? Porn star energy, and I don't hate it. Well, the story behind the Tash is obviously I was out in Thailand for a few weeks and on the first night I just said tomorrow I'm going to turn it off for Tash. I did, sort of as a joke, then kept it for obviously all of Thailand for continuity and then I've come back and thought I quite like it. Why the hell not? I quite like it. Just tickling muff.

5:01Just muff tickling. No. Just, you know what I mean? He's just up in there. No. If anything, actually, a full beard like yours would tickle more muff because there's more kind of coverage. Do you know what I mean? If you're between the thighs, it kind of misses the tash, doesn't it? So you can only really tickle clit. We are so back, baby. Come on, five seconds in and we're muffed, Ivan. And we absolutely love it. But yeah, so what do we do? Do I keep it? No, keep it. You've got to keep it. I think you grow it out. I think you get the ends. You go all fresh. No, I'm not doing that. I did that before.

5:39No, but really round. No, I really did that. Oh, I remember, actually, yeah. Have you not seen the fucking picture? No, I do remember, yeah. No, I mean, before I met you. Oh, because you've done it twice, though. Well, I did kind of little last time, and that's because we had a job for a razor. Phillips One Blade. Yeah, it's very good. But no, years ago, have you never seen the picture? Yeah. Why not grow it into a little goatee as well? No, no goatee. With a soul patch. Oh, yeah, take it back. No, I'm too old for the goatee, because that's David Brent. You've a mate. brother I feel like we're going brother we're getting brother brother what's that from I don't know I don't even know if it's from anything but you're the David Brent of this office I don't know Pete I don't know I think we both have I think we both have an inclination there's four people in the room alright who is the David Brent of this office hands up for me hands up for Sam so that's a four zero there I put my hand up, so actually it's four to one.

6:43Bloody Nora. Bloody Nora, Peter. He's just showing us, for anyone listening, he's showing us his French-style tash. It curls round the sides. And do you know the secret to a curl like that and keeping it? It's pritstick. Pritstick? Let me tell you why. Lan, Lan, sir. Right, but if you are growing a tash and you do want the curl and you want it to hold in place, pritstick is the way forward. And I'll tell you why. like as wax as it in hot weather, it melts so it doesn't hold. Pritt stick dries hard but clear and also washes out very easy. So Pritt stick is the way forward. So you just have to get a pencil, Pritt stick round, hold it in for 10 seconds and then it sticks in that spot.

7:25It's a lot of effort, which I won't be doing. So I'm just going to stick with this kind of Magnum PI. Why don't you make it a little bit narrower? Because it's quite wide at the sides. Well, that's just the shape of my fucking mouth. It's literally just across my top. So what I've got, a wide mouth. No, no. Well, that sounds like what you said. No, not at all. Your mouth is, you've got a lovely mouth. No, it sounds like what you're saying is because it just goes across my top lip. So what you're saying is - I have a beautiful mouth. Well, not really. It's wide. I love your mouth. I've been round your mouth.

7:53What you're saying is it's wide. I'm not a hippo. Like, it's just - Great bite force on a hippo. Yeah. How's your PSI? I don't think it's great, to be honest with you. We should judge Pete's PSI bite force. I don't think we should, because I imagine what will happen is I'll bite something and my dentures will come out. And they'll go, what's happened? I'm sorry. Can I have my teeth back? So no to that. No to that. Wait, can I just quickly? I don't want to skate over sort of where you've been as well. But it's a fucking pleasure to have you back, sir. Obviously, you've been gone for three weeks doing something phenomenal that you just put up on your gram, actually.

8:30You just announced it properly. um thailand is coming thailand is coming and we we've we've missed the fuck out of you how was thailand what did you get up to oh um it was heavy yeah like genuinely it was heavy i've done kind of a lot of these kind of trips before that are not kind of filmed um and um this is a special for for dog's sake so series four it will be coming out in september i have got the the date but i can't tell you yet but it will be coming out in september and then this will be kind of early next year so it's the add-on to series four first time we've done it abroad a lot of fucking pressure um different country it there is a completely different issues out there to what you have in the uk that we kind of cover through in terms of like mission rabies and outreach programs with you know um free roaming dogs and all sorts of stuff uh amazing clinics out there amazing different surgeries lots of different things that we don't see in the uk um but one thing remains the same and is that it's incredible people that are caring for um the best thing on the planet which is dogs and cats um which is dogs and um and if anything i mean everyone knows that i love dogs and and you know love them more than people it's just confounded that with the fact that you know these dogs don't have as much as we have here and they're still just the most amazing creatures so um i loved it but it was it was hard i'm not gonna lie so happy to be back in my embrace.

10:00Well, yes, but also you nearly lost me forever. Whoa. Yeah, I'm going to be honest with you. There was a moment. I can't tell you too much, which is so annoying and I hate it when people do that, but I will be shot. He's in trouble with the drug gangs in Thailand, everyone. It's came over for Pete. No, I'll be shot by the production company who will organise a firing line for me if I give too much away. But I spent some time in the jungle. Oh, did you? So you lived out there? I spent some time in the jungle. So it wasn't all hotels. I spent some time in the jungle and I became Jungle Pete. Jungle Pete is a different creature.

10:45It's a different animal. It's a different beast. Jungle Pete is very happy. Jungle Pete is also content and peaceful. Yeah. Very unlike Miserable Angry Pete So There was a moment Where I thought to myself I could I could do this I could disappear Yeah And how many times Have I said You've always wanted To disappear Yeah What would happen If I just Go I was tempted Well we're very glad You haven't done that Well yeah But I'm just saying You know As much as I say About disappearing I've had a taste of it now he's gone everyone he's fucking out I'm just I'm just saying he's leaving and I can't I can't I can't do that one thing I can tell you because I can't tell you about the storylines and all the rest of it but one thing I can tell you is the Thai people are fucking lovely like honestly anywhere you go they are so so lovely I actually spent some time with a tribe in Thailand spoke no English I cooked dinner with them and sat down and had a family meal where they speak no English.

11:56And I haven't had a family dinner since I was a child. And it's the most welcome, despite the fact that there was no... Talking. There was lots of... Yeah, but we couldn't really understand each other. It's amazing when you go... I know this sounds really airy-fairy. That kind of primal back to basics have not really been able to understand how well you can connect with someone based on eyes, like... Energy. Energy, yeah. and I know it sounds like I went to Thailand and found myself like some sort of... He went up Mushroom Mountain, he never came back down. Yeah, like some sort of on a gap year.

12:30Did you have a guitar? It was, there was a lot of them. Well, did you see any of them? What, the gap year? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, did you converse with any of them? No, because there were no... Another amazing thing, you go out, there was no English, but not one photo, no one knew who I was, which is the best thing ever. I spent a couple of evenings in the pub playing pool with the locals. I'm not sort of bad at pool so I did a bit of hustling out there. Nice. Yeah, one of you bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. One of you bar. Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Amazing how much you get for a pound to the bar.

13:12I know. Some people move there. Now, one thing that I do need to discuss because I don't know if you know this. Yeah. 7-Eleven. Yeah, they sell it all in 7-Eleven. They do, don't they? Yeah. Now, we all know that I smoke. I know people don't like me talking about it, but I do, and it's my choice. Fuck yourself. Why do you smoke? Because I fucking want to. Yeah.

13:34Occasionally, I'd run out of cigarettes, and I wasn't sleeping very much, so you know me. I get up fucking very early in the mornings anyway. I'd be up at half past four. I'd wait till 7 o 'clock to go to 7-Eleven because it's 7-Eleven. Yeah. Yeah, 7-Eleven's 24 hours. Yeah, it's just the name. But why call it? Why is it not 24-7 then? Well, I don't know because you've been around for fucking years. I found this out three days before I left. So I'd been waiting in the mornings, right, outside the hotel with no cigarettes, waiting to go and get a Red Bull and a packet of f*** just like this. Clucking.

14:06Till 7am. And it was fucking open the whole time. Why call it? Did you not see anyone in there? No, because I was just waiting outside the hotel. It was just around the corner. I wasn't waiting outside 7-Eleven, like, whilst people are going in, going, I don't know, they must work here. that's against the rules. But, why not call it 24-7 then? Because it's been around for fucking years, you can't just change, it's like if we change, staying relevant now. But it's not 7-Eleven. It doesn't matter, we're still, well, we are still trying to stay relevant, to be fair. Of course we are, mate. Look at all the things we're doing to stay relevant.

14:37But, yeah, did everyone know that? Yeah. Okay, just me then. So, I have spent, however long, only going to 7-Eleven between 7 and 11. You can get some goodies from Thailand 7-Eleven as well. My God, they sell it all. Well, I'll tell you what, toasties. That's what you took away? 7-Eleven toasty. Oh, for me, sleeping pills.

15:01It's like a pharmacy in there. No, no, no, because next to the 7-Eleven was a pharmacy. Oh, mate, yeah, it's pretty good. And that's where you get the good shit. Yeah, yeah, that's value on tap. I, yeah, I reckon I, in three weeks, I slept a total of about four hours really but um but yeah it was and let me tell you another fucking story so connecting flight on the way out there first flight to bangkok and then bangkok to chiang my had a four-hour layover from bangkok to chiang mai it's very difficult in thailand to understand the airport at bangkok it's huge very very difficult obviously you know not a lot of English.

15:39It's all kind of entire. I had a four hour layover. As you can imagine, I've been on a 12 hour flight. And again, I like to smoke, trying to find a smoking area. I was asking lots of people. They sent me the way to go. Suddenly I'm going through security. They'd sent me directly to the gate. I couldn't get back through. I spent four hours in a massage chair next to a vending machine at the gate. Did you get a massage? Yes, because it was a massage because there was nothing else. I was just in there going Oh, you mean the actual chair. Oh, but they're great. Yeah, not for four hours, when all I wanted was a fucking cigarette, because I'd gone through the Seguri, because I was going, so is this the way to the main door of the shop?

16:16Yes, this way, this way, this way. Suddenly I'm through Seguri and I'm just in a hall at a gate. But can I go, no, you can't come back through. What? It's four hours. So I literally, I had about four packets of Pringles. What flavour? Don't you dare say sour cream and chive. No, plain. Yeah, nice. Lovely. And by the way, you don't want to be fucking around the tie. And also Pringles out there are smaller. You know, you can't be like, no, I'm leaving the gate. In Thailand, you do what they say. You don't want to be banged up abroad in Thailand. Not again. Yeah, no, it's pretty dicey around there.

16:48I've seen some, you know, have you ever seen banged up abroad on the show? Fuck me, it looks pretty sketchy. But it seems like you held the fault very well, Waryway. Obviously, we pre-recorded one ep. Yeah. and then you had a couple of vips to do yourself. I don't know, we got Tally on. So we had Tally. Yeah. She was so nervous. Well, how was that for you? Do you know what? Bless her. She was literally like on the way in and I was like, are you fine? She's like, yeah, yeah, cool. And I was like, okay, great. Like she's like, I have no issue. This is going to be absolutely fine. Like I speak to you every day.

17:25She's like, I've met most of the team. Like it's going to be easy. We get in here. dude she literally is holding this ipad there's nothing on this fucking ipad there was nothing certainly for her to do with an ipad like if anyone needs to read it was me and i'll you know i don't read the ipad you and so she's like clutching this fucking thing and like just went mute like a really long time well i've seen some of the clips and one thing i've seen a lot of comments and almost all of the comments are how beautiful she is which is lovely but what i will say is also listen because she's actually a really lovely person aside from the fact that she is beautiful so actually fucking listen to it dickheads yeah do you know what she i think people people are nice as well and i and you know what she got in the car pete oh she got in the car afterwards and she goes she didn't speak for ages i went you're right and she goes i just i'm just not proud of what that what just happened in there i was like what do you mean she went i'm the most boring person on the planet no she's she's lovely and i think you both did very very well um i do have some things to bring up.

18:28Oh god, here we go. Here we go. You were the problem. Oh, but when am I not in your eyes? I can never do right. Well, no, no, no, no. You can, but you're a liar. Why? And I think that's the problem. It's unfair. We've just discussed how wonderful she is. Stop lying to her. When have I lied to her? I never lied to her. She's my tiny little angel fairy. Yes, she is. She is. She's your tiny little angel fairy that thinks you're a Team GB skier. I trained with Team GB. Go fuck with that. I did. Call them up. You're standing by this plane. I'm standing by it. Okay, all right. I genuinely, Galena, get me official records.

19:05AI says there is no prominent or internationally known Team GB elite skier named Sam Thompson. It was off the record. Yes, it was off the record. So you were off the record. We weren't like training for the Olympics. I was like seven. So were you training with Team GB? I was training with the youngings. You were in Milton Keynes at the fucking Snowdome. I've done that. At the Dry Key Slope. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And fucking Mummy, Karen, bless her, went, you could be part of a team. You went, I'm training with them. And it was just some bloke called Bob. I was doing slalom with the boys and the girls, actually.

19:46Louise was doing it as well. All right, okay, all right. Well, look, if you're going to stand by it, we're going to fact check it. We're going to hold firm. We will fact check that. I am holding firm on that. Deep research, and this is your forte, Galina. You're brilliant at this, into this, and I want a decisive answer next week because I think that's bullshit. Maybe you're remembering it wrong. That's something that you and Tenny have in common, remembering things. Oh, for hell, mate. Because she's no idea who you are. yeah no she she made too you know this is actually something that i wanted to say she like she was it she we're on the pod she has all the chance in the world to like be like yeah i'm gonna make my boyfriend look great and she goes she goes yeah you didn't speak to me once oh shoot she goes pete was lovely she went i remember p he was really really nice spoke to me loads he was so lovely well i'm gonna give you some context for this because she did remember slightly wrong because it was me that came in hungover you were there you were there before me do you remember this and I had to come in and I was like please do me a thing but come in they willed me out as Sam likes to say for this fucking focus shoot you wore a beanie now so that's that's the bit is that I was the hungover one not you but you wouldn't speak to her and I think at this point we can say it because she was too pretty I can tell you now this is why this is exactly what Sam said he was literally so he he actively avoided her which is do you know what I mean But also, we're both in relationships as well.

21:18Like, what am I going to say? No, but you were, I mean, whereas I was just like, all right, darling, where are you from? Yeah, do you know what? Pete doesn't freeze up. That's the thing. But he froze up because she was so, so, so for me, that's actually a really nice thing. Yeah. I remember exactly what she looked like as well. She had slicked back hair with a little middle parting. She was wearing the ocean blue Denise Prism. There you go. I don't remember that at all. But I do remember, yeah, she was really nice because I don't think she spoke to a lot of people. She's quite quiet. She told me she was very shy.

21:47Yeah, and I felt quite bad because she was kind of just sat on her own. So I was just like, all right. Nice girl. Lovely. But how nice is that? Do you know what I mean? My best mate already went over before anything. It was like, hey, how are you? Are you good? She's got such a glowing review. I feel like that. Yeah, she's got to know me more now and think I'm a ****. No, she doesn't. She fucking loves you. She thinks you're great.

22:11That's given Pete a heart attack. And here he is. He's dead. It was lovely. It was so nice to have her on. And look, as I said before, she doesn't do this shit. She's not in this world. So for her to come and do it, I'm very grateful that she went and did it. So if you haven't listened to that episode, make sure you go and listen to it. Because we love Tally. Tally is great. Then we moved on to fucking Ian Sterling. And then we moved on to Ian Sterling, who joined us to promote a couple of shows, which is amazing. So he purposely came. And this is kind of how, just as a background, a lot of these podcasts work.

22:43Obviously, sometimes we get in guests who we just love. But quite often, you go on a podcast or you come on a podcast because you're promoting. He was promoting two shows. So we knew, or Sam knew, that he was coming on to promote two shows. So he opened the episode by essentially telling him that TV was dead. No, see, no, that's not how it shamed out. Well, that is exactly. It's not. I'm just saying. When someone comes on to go, I've got these two new shows. Well, TV's dead, isn't it? I didn't say it like that. He came in and he's like, Ian's brilliant. Me and Pete love Ian. and he's always been loving.

23:14He's great, we love Ian. And like he's obviously, yeah, he's here to promote these two shows but it was like a wider context that I was talking to him. Yeah, because you widened it out so much that you slagged off everyone in the world of TV. No, I didn't even do that. I literally said to him. I've literally seen the clip. Fuck them, fuck them, including a fuck Pete. No, he didn't. Ian said fuck Pete. She was like, no. I was like, no. And then I joined him. Well, it's funny though. You saying no didn't seem to make the cut. No, no. So TV's dead. You've tagged off everyone in TV. But tell us about his two new shows.

23:50One of them's a great idea. Sandcastle building, brilliant ideas. It's the kind of show I'd watch, to be fair. It's the kind of show you do. I said I'd do a celebrity version. If they actually have that come round, I'm actually quite proficient at that kind of shit. You're quite proficient at sandcastle building. Yeah, 100%. I stand by it. How do we judge proficiency in sandcastle? I made Pyramid in Marbella. Just now. Yeah. It's really easy, actually. Well, the only thing that I've seen you do in my body is bury yourself. Yeah, no, no, I know. Then we did the legs. But, like, another day, I did, like, a pyramid structure.

24:24All we needed was just a bucket. And you just put the bricks next to one another and just build it up. It's great, man. It's good fun. Sorry, I take that back. I didn't realise that you were so proficient. Mate, in my sandcastles, I give it, like, moats and shit. Then I completely take a break. I do apologise. As you bloody well should. Sam Castle Sam. Thank you very much. Also, I'm not saying TV's... Look, do you know what I'm going to say? TV is kind of dying. I'm just going to put it out there. It is. We're in the world of digital. That's where we're going. And he knew that. But he then doubled down on it.

24:57And then I brought up a thing about Dermot O 'Leary and I didn't mean it in a bad way. And I was like, oh, you made the crossover to the States. I was like, that's great because obviously when X Factor did it, they went with a different American host. And he just like pinpointed the Dermot O 'Leary thing. He went, you've just cussed out Dermot. No, I adore Dermot. But then I went really red, Pete. It was tough. No, you did a great job with your way. Insern is amazing. Glad that you came on. Glad that you, you know, discussed how TV is absolutely fucking dying a death. Should we announce our new TV show?

25:29I did think about this. I went, fuck. We have a new show coming out on ITV. Yes, and there's never been a better time for it. Yeah, yeah, because TV is on the up. so that's probably what's dying because they're giving shows to dickheads like us yeah Sam and I listen you know Sam and I've got a show coming out it's been a while since we've had a show together on TV we don't know an awful lot about exactly what we can do and we're going to be throwing ourselves into this a little bit Sam has been on a glow up I think it's safe to say over the past couple of years and has tried a lot of different things so yeah it's kind of along that route of looks maxing and stuff to do with sperm and those sort of things.

26:15So hair transplants, which has been a big thing on the agenda for Sam and I for a long time. It was more so me that it was on the agenda for and then mine made a comeback through a good haircut. Sam's got a good haircut and his hair went, not for me. Yeah, we want to fuck this up a little bit here. So that could be on the horizon. I think that's the main thing in terms of appearance that I think you are dead set on doing. I'm going to do it over Christmas, I think. So this is a good opportunity for Sam to explore the kind of hair transplants. Now, what I will say is very exciting. Sam and I get to spend some time together and make a TV show.

26:53I can't wait. I'm so excited for this. Me and Pete never, ever, for years, we haven't filmed a TV show for fucking like eight years. I know. And so we all need to just keep our fingers crossed. Yeah. If this does well, it could be a returnable. Well, yeah. Yeah. and there could be sort of lots of different things not in this category in loads of different kind of areas of you know I really like the idea of dying to be an F1 driver yeah yeah it's a major thing didn't it yeah but let's all keep our fingers crossed everyone it's going to be really fucking fun but it doesn't get cancelled like our last show yeah so the last show we did together was Reality News yes Reality News if anyone remembers that it was in the graveyard shift on a Monday night it's 11pm Yeah, 11 p.m.

27:38for 25 minutes. Yeah, we did lots of episodes. We did about four series of that. It was good. And then, you know, we kind of tell the story that we got, you know, it got pulled and it got binned. It didn't. And I think now's the time for us to discuss the fact that you ruined that for us. Do you know what? Me and Pete were actually talking about this off air. We were like, we might as well talk about this on the pod. Just remember, I got the show binned. It was actually me. And I completely forgot this. basically I was having a zoom and Pete couldn't make the zoom for some reason I completely lost my head and he went well we're putting it we're putting it digitally and I went no I could speak for Pete here we're done we're over we can't do it if it's digital and he went well we'll have to cancel the show then I went okay so so just to point out it was we're thinking of going digital with it so when I went and I think I was away filming so it was a couple of days after it's You physically couldn't be on Zoom.

28:32But I think, I feel like I was away filming, so I wasn't even contactable. No, yeah, no. And then a couple of days later, how did it go, mate? Yeah, no, it's, yeah, so, what's happened is, we're not doing that anymore. I spoke for both of us, mate. I feel like you would have been on the same level. No, he went, yeah, basically, they sort of binned it. Oh, shit, man. Well, fucking, that's fucking shit isn't it you know what I mean then I speak to my agents and they go well Sam spoke on behalf of both of you and said you don't want to do it I said what and I come off the call and thought I've got a job right back to Towie it is hi just wondering when you start the new series things haven't worked out quite as well as I thought they would oh god mate I remember I remember that phone call that you've been nah it's the right move mate and then since then we've not had a show for eight years.

29:30So going forward, going forward, no meetings for Sam unless I'm there. Just in case, just in case there's an opportunity for him to speak on our behalf. I do sometimes like to, you know, just sort of like pick up the burden for both of us. Listen, it's amazing because I think people would assume that I'm the one that's non-agreeable a lot of the time. But Sam has his moments where when it's in his head, that's it. Mate, you could bring it back now and it would fly. Maybe with two different presenters. It was like... So you could bring it back now as a completely different show with two different people.

30:09It was one of them. Oh, it was good fun. If you go back, listen, I think I probably... It definitely was probably a lot funnier then because I was drunk. And the fact that we get to work together, I sent this to Pete outside and I genuinely mean this. Yeah, because we don't work together a lot now. But we don't film TV stuff together. you know and like I've really missed going and doing something with Pete and like and filming it in a in a in sort of like that the thing is Sam and I've worked together obviously for a long time but really everything we've we've kind of done together over the past few years has been our own so it's been here it's been you know our company it's been all of that sort of stuff going into something else so it does make me think how have we changed since we last did TV together in terms of, do you have a rider?

30:56Will you be bringing your own Glem squad? Do we have a hairdresser on set? A stylist? Do we need a stylist? No, but I'll be, you know what I'll do? You'll have your boy there. I'll walk in and he's going to look at me. I say to the guy, I go, look, I'm cool with making it. It doesn't sit right on my face. I wish it did. And I go in and he goes, Pete's guy goes, Sam, sit the fuck down. Yeah. He's like, he's done Pete and he's like, done his client. He goes, Sam, look, I've got a bit of time for you. He's like, I can't let you go out looking like that. He sits me down, glams me up. So in terms of the stylist type thing, obviously we're filming kind of a doc thing.

31:30It's going to be nice for me. You know, the dog shower, I continue to wear the same thing. Like I don't bath. We don't have to do that with this.

31:41For Jungle, and when you do Unpacked, you have a stylist. A very good point, yeah. So will you have a stylist brought in for a day's filming? How are we dressing for this? I don't know. You know, it's sort of daytime. You're going to be filming, doing all these sort of bits. What do we, you know, what's the vibe we're going for? Are we going sort of today, I've got vans on and you've got, you know, baggy jeans, a bit skatery. Or are we going more daytime, sort of Dermot O 'Leary-esque? Do you know what? I don't know if it's the show for that. Well, I'm just, you know, because it's, you know, it's going to be that kind of early evening.

32:14Well, now you're putting it on my head. Now I'm like, what the fuck? It's just something to think about and I think we should discuss afterwards because we don't want to turn up. What are you going to wear? Well, I don't know because I need to discuss with you because if you're going to turn up like this, then I can turn up like this. I hear what you're saying. But if I turn up sort of, you know, sort of boots, Are you going to then turn up like this and then it looks like, well, what the fuck? Because I'll look like then your dad. Yeah, but I don't know if we can turn up in suits being like so you had a hair granny.

32:41No, not suits, Sam. Fucking hell. You know, we're not hosting fucking, you know, Parkinson. We've got someone who's getting some new turkey teeth and they've got their little pegs hanging out and we're in bow tie. That is actually quite joked. But, you know, we'll do it. We'll give it our best. And, you know, we're two guys. Yeah, yeah. You know, we're two dudes. This is a very TV-heavy episode, this. Like, genuinely, all we've done is talk about TV. So let's move on to something different. The National Television Awards. Yeah. Yeah, this is, this is, this is, this is. it's amazing that we've done a whole episode on an industry that's dying and it's what's all we're doing fuck oh god something tells me we need to diversify yeah yeah we need to get well actually no on that note quick before we get into the NTAs our YouTube's growing this is fucking great we're nearly on 150 ,000 subscribers by the way it's been it's been a slow climb okay but we are nearly there I think we're at 145 ,000 subscribers look it's a toughie we understand No one subscribes anymore.

33:43If you like, YouTube's dying. If you would like just to click that bell, and by the way, Pete, there's a bell on YouTube. I'm not just saying like stroke our bell. I'm saying like click the bell. Not work all. Click our bell, right, and subscribe to the YouTube. It does us a massive, it does Josh a massive solid. We're nearly 150 ,000. It's a slow climb. He is struggling. He's a new dad. Do you know what I mean? Like, give him a break. So, like, just help us. Help us help you. The more you subscribe, the more content we get to you. Yeah, it's completely right. You know, Josh is struggling. Amelia will be off the tit at some point.

34:24And he'll have to, you know, buy food and stuff for us. So, you know, we can't have this man in his, you know what I mean? It's a fucking tough life out there. But what I'm also going to say is another reason that you should be subscribing to the YouTube is because, you know, we've spoken about TV die and we are diversifying ourselves. Yeah. So over the end part of this year and certainly next year, we are going to be putting an awful lot of money and effort into YouTube specifically. And that is something that has been on the horizon for a while, something very, very exciting in terms of digital series.

35:09now we have ideas that we're running through today and if you think back to some of the long-form content we've done if you enjoyed it you know aqua aerobics and all of them sort of things think of that but better bigger sam and i sort of out of the office yeah

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37:42Sam and I, we've recently had an actual HR join the business, who I think we've spoken about on the pod before. so we now have specific job descriptions Sam and I and job roles Sam is our head of creative you've actually got a title now do you know your title? I don't actually know I didn't even know I had one would you like me to read your title? Go on ooh this is the first time you've had a proper title here isn't it? so you're going to love this as well I think let me just find it for you have you not seen this then? no No, of course not. It's in an email.

38:24Right, here we go. I've got a full job description. This is your job description. Bloody hell, she's written a lot. Yep. So you are Sam Thompson, the co-founder and chief creative officer, the CCO. CCO. Of Staying Relevant. I need a placard, man. Put that on my desk. So, and you report to the board and the joint founder. Board? So the board consists of me and you. We need a board meeting now. Technically, we're in a board meeting. And would you like to know my job title? What have you got? I'm co-founder and chief business officer. Oh, CBO. So I'm the CBO and you're the CCO. Fucking hell. Yeah.

39:19Busy. I report to the board and the joint founder. I'd like to see your work, please, next week. So full job descriptions. I'd like a one-pager piece of my desk next week. Amazingly, quite easy for me to show you my work because it's all the financials and all the other bit. Quite difficult for you to show me yours. We've got a whiteboard next door. We've got ideas. We've got ideas. But, yeah, so it's going to be something that we're going to be concentrating a lot on. And genuinely, I'm very, very excited about it. It's going to be long form content. We are putting a lot behind it. I just want to shout out to Kira and Josh, who, yes, our chief creative officer over there is a part, but these two are going to be fucking flying through everything with us.

40:03It's a big deal. And it's kind of a little bit of an evolution of Stammerland Productions, isn't it, mate? Absolutely. So it's going to be very exciting. And it's, yeah, anything could happen. Anything. You never know. And anything will have a go. There you go. You never know. We'll have a go. The first one, if we can get the first one off, by the way, it's going to be fucking jokes. Yeah. Has Pete seen any of it? Yes. Has he seen the whiteboard? Yes, we are going to be discussing later today. I'm so excited for it. If the first one comes off, we're fucking killing it. What happens is, and how this is going to work, is Sam, Kieran, Josh, they're going to have their ideas and all the rest of it.

40:39Then they have to come to me for the money. Now, the two ideas that I've seen, one of them, very, very doable. one of them's fucking expensive which one's the first you said the second one one of them is fucking expensive so it was the first idea but listen I'm backing it I'm backing it fuck me so yeah so please subscribe to the YouTube because you don't want to miss out on that and I think you can set like notifications when things come out and all that sort of stuff and you can you know ring the bell or whatever you do so that's good But also, let's not forget about where we, you know, our bread and butter.

41:22Yeah. Instagram, nearly at 600K Instagram followers. So make sure you're following Instagram and, you know, the other one, the TikTok and the Snapchat. Snappy C. And the LinkedIn. What? How much are we making for Snappy C now? We owe them. We made£11. Last time I looked, we made£11 on Snapchat. Yeah. Ching-chick. And we divvied that up between the entire team. Yeah, yeah. Everyone got a pound. Pete didn't even get a pack of **** for that. Everyone got one quid. No. So, yeah, so make sure you're doing all of that. I know that's a bit of a reset, but we haven't kind of said that for a while. But we are growing on it.

42:05By the way, we thank you guys for still following and engaging and enjoying it because we fucking love it. Well, we know that they're still following and engaging. and we don't know for sure if they're enjoying. Yeah, yeah, they go, I hate this. Yeah, fucking ****. Anyway, back to the NTAs. Yeah. Because I prematurely moved on there without celebrating our successes. NTAs around the corner. Third year hosting for you and I. What are you wearing? Mate, you know what I'm wearing. I'm wearing the exact same suit that I always wear. I get the same, okay. 100%. Mate, it's my lucky suit. Dude, I wear every NTAs.

42:42And the NTAs always goes off without a hitch. I love it. Yeah. We smash the NTAs every single time. What are you talking about? We get through it. We get, well, we do more than get through it. We're the life of the party. What are you talking about? The life of the party. Bloody, we are the bloody life. I'll tell you what, when people go to the NTAs, they go, Joel Thomas's hosting again. But do you know what I can't wait to see? The life of the party. Sam and Pete. Yeah, we're the NTAs. Down the end of that fucking red carpet, when I've just walked 20 minutes through all the press and done all the interviews, and all I want is a fucking drink, and then I have to speak to them two fucking cocklords down the end.

43:19Yeah, yeah. Cocklord is an interesting one. We're their favourite cocklords. I've never said that before, and I don't know where it came from. I liked it, to be fair. It really gave me an image of a lord as a cock. Penis with a crown. So, you know, I'm excited for the NTAs. I feel like it's going to go off without a hitch. Which, you know, when you've got... Always does. Yeah, yeah. Always does. And look, we're going to chase people down on the carpet. You know how it's going to roll. No. I'm going to chase them, bring them to you. I'm going to lasso the fuckers. I'm going to herd them to Pete.

43:50Sam is the NTA boomerang. I'll throw him out and see what he comes back with. Just throw me out like a fishing line. Just see if I can get a nibble. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is there anyone you are hoping is going to be there on the carpet? Oh, to be honest with you. Who do we adore? I mean, Holly Willoughby, you know.

44:14It's the first name that came to my head for some reason. I don't know why. Holly Willoughby. I'll tell you who could be there. Yeah. Which I think would be amazing for you. Yeah. The Cloak Show. Traitors. Stephen Fry. Mate, Stephen Fry. Let me tell you something right now. And I'm going to talk to Stephen. Have you ever met him? Never in my life. But it's your, this is what I mean. But there's a chance because he did just do. Because he wasn't Traitors. mate so Stephen as you're probably watching this mate hi Big Steve Big Steve if you if you could come to the NTAs you would make my apps I'll jump on you oh well I'm sure he's fucking rifling through his tuxedos now I will jump around you because I don't want yeah I will literally just you're my biggest hero Pete knows like if you turned up I'd probably cry actually so yeah if we could get Stephen Farah on the carpet but oh my God.

45:08Well. Vicky McClure for you as well, mate. You know, she's always a staple in your, in your one. Yeah. You know, it's boring now because I say it all the time. Yeah, but we love her. If I could get, you know, the other Stephen or Vicky, you know, Vicky has spoken to us before and she's really lovely. So hopefully we get to see her again. Yeah. But if I can get, if I can get the other Stephen, I will be. Or a Louis Theroux. Or a Louis Theroux. Again, for me, Louis Theroux is. Did you jump on him? No, jump around him no but I'd solidly shake his hand would you give him a double clasp or a single clasp oh he's a double clasp yeah he absolutely is yeah yeah yeah I just want a cup and I'd just be behind people and be like he fucking loves you yeah yeah yeah loves you so they'd be they'd be there too we're looking for for those three do you think we're in a place where we can sort of who are we going to end up with someone from Love Areas well I was about to say do you think do you think we're in a spot where we can say no to people now we did last year yeah I know but like well when I say we did last year I said no Pete literally went, no.

46:07They were like, we've got this person. Nope. Nope. We've got new. It's going to be a lean red carpet this year, I feel like. Yep. We've set our stall really, really out there. Like, we set our bar high. So it's like, we're not just taking anyone now on the red carpet. Well, there you go. So that is coming up. So make sure you look out for that. We're going to do our own show. I want to put it out there. I want to throw this out to you, Pete. And I want you just to just yes or no straight away. Don't look at your iPad. Don't think about it. No. A behind the scenes, staying relevant Netflix documentary.

46:44No. Why? Why? It'd be fucking fascinating. It'd be so good. So a behind the scenes of staying relevant productions, Office Life. Yeah, lovely. Okay. What would you call it? Nothing. It doesn't have to be too full on. It's literally called SRP. Yeah. SRP. Okay. I mean, if you're reading the TV guide and people go, I don't know what to watch. SRP? That sounds good. No, I'm trying to think. You've asked me off the bat. I don't fully know now. We've got to obviously brainstorm and think about what it'd be. But I know what the essence of it would be. But we're just starting the brainstorm now. Well, the essence of it would be behind the scenes, getting to know the team, getting to know us, what we're going to do next.

47:27How are we going to achieve Wembley Stadium? Do you know what I mean? What's going to happen there? You know? Could be quite fun. All right. And then... Alex L can do it. Hers is called Earl Meets World. Earl Meets World. It's her and her family. Right. Okay, okay, okay. It's kind of a Kardashian-esque thing, really, but with Alex L. Okay, all right. So I feel like, you know, we obviously, you know... So, I mean, we know what happens, like, you know, when you do these kind of reality TV things. Yeah, a little bit of drama. You know, it would be sort of a, you know, the day in the lives of what goes on here.

48:00You know, how we make such topical and hot content. you know what goes into the planning and all that sort of stuff but sometimes when you have these kind of reality shows you get spin-offs and stuff who's more likely to have a spin-off me and you I think it's fairly obvious in my mind so do I yeah it would be you no I was gonna say Pippa god it would I was gonna say Pippa it would be Pippa the bitch would literally make it all about her and what do you I mean and then her family be in it Jack would be a superstar and then do you think like I mean what could you name it To the moon and back. Yeah, to the moon and back.

48:34Because of her head. Yeah. And me and Pete would be supporting characters. Staying relevant to the moon and back. Yeah. And that would be Pippa's show. And it would be us. Yeah. Just trying to be involved. Sam and Pete come round. Oh, hey, Pippa. We have a cup of tea with her. Talk about her love life. It would, and it would be, it would be tough because she'd have to find that kind of work. Life balance. Life balance. How's she going to do it? Between being an influencer and, you know, having a full-time job. Marriage as well. Is she going to get married? Is she not? Oh, God. Do you know what I mean?

49:02Who's going to be made of honour? You know, all of that sort of stuff. It would be amazing. Yeah, you'd be shafted. Do you think if we were going to do it as well, let's go back to, let's leave To The Moon and Back for a minute and just go back into staying relevant. Would you want it sort of like a Vox Pop master interview? I would love a master interview. Yeah. I would be amazing. So if you, in case you don't know what the master interview of Vox Pop is, it's like if you saw it like Geordie Shore and then they'd have like a green screen behind and then they'd talk to the camera like, why, yeah, you man, I fingered a bird.

49:30Yeah. or like so what we did in Celebs Go Dating we did it in Celebs yeah yeah yeah exactly yeah like so Mibs's master interview or kind of Vox Poppy stuff that's so we could do that you know if there was a tense discussion you know amongst the team and then Sam pops outside for a Vox and just goes well you know got tense in there yeah that'd be so fun yeah yeah yeah Pete seems to be quite angry again and it's it's tough for everyone to navigate his moods but you know we all work together trying our best yeah we're trying our best and he just doesn't understand maybe I'll take him for you know pull him for a chat or is that Love Island and then it's like oh fuck he's behind me now you alright mate no so I'm just doing no you can't listen you can't listen to what I'm saying and then you can only see it when it comes out yeah yeah yeah yeah you know I swear people would watch that and then I wonder if we then do Assume Knowledge I don't know what Assume Knowledge means so Assume Knowledge will be you know as they're filming after you've done that they show me a portion of it to wind it up so that's how they produce these fucking things and make people do things is they're very smart because they don't care about you.

50:31They care about making a TV show. That's how reality TV works. So then if Sam said, you know, it's really difficult navigating these movies because he's always in a mood, they'd then show me that and then send me and speak to Sam and go, what the fuck is your problem? Shit. Yeah. And then that's how it kind of escalates. I think this sounds like a great idea. I really, really like the sound of this. I think we should pitch this 100 % SRP behind closed doors and then just... There you go. Maybe that's the... See? See? See's warming up now. Just got to give me a bit of time, man. Just got to let me lube up and then I'm in.

51:05Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I would love to... I genuinely would love to do something. We'd probably all get cancelled, but like the first season would be fun. Staying relevant. Two peas in a pod. Yeah. Nice. An S and P in a pod. Lost it. S and a P in a pod. Let's say goodbye. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Staying Relevant. Me, Sam Thompson, Peter, James, Jonathan, Joseph Wicks, wherever you're listening to this on the Tube Journey Home or to the office place.

51:39Whether you're on the bus, whether you're in the car, whatever. Maybe you're in the gym pumping iron. Or on horseback. Yeah. You know, you could be anywhere. You could be doing anything, but whatever you're doing, make sure to keep it locked here. Lock in. Lock in, bitches. No. Ta-da. This has been a Staying Relevant production.

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53:12Hello, Relevanters. We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog, Marry, Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.