201: Sam’s big plans and Pete surprises us all…

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1:51And you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days, not the national 48-day average. See if you could pay as little as$0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash ACAST. That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan. Welcome to Staying Relevant, the podcast hosted by two bestest of best pals, me, Sam Thompson and Peter James, Jonathan Joseph Wicks. Welcome. This is the main episode, which means it's Monday. So you can watch this on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5pm on Wednesday.

2:36And then we'll be doing a bonus episode, which comes out Thursday audibly, which you can watch on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5pm on Sunday. They will be swearing. If you don't like it, go f*** yourself. Make sure you rate, review, follow, all of that crap. You know the score by now. Oh, mate, we are, do you know what we are now? 21 days into almost, not every day, but almost every day working with each other. I'm with Vitaly. Yeah. How are you feeling? Tired. Yeah, I feel more rejuvenated than ever. Yeah, I feel, I'm tired. Are you actually? Yes, yes, I'm tired. Mate, I feel like, I feel like we're really back to like old school days.

3:14This is harking back to 2019. Well, I don't know. It's slightly different. We're slightly older. Yesterday we spent an hour moaning in a car together. It's slightly different because there was no fart spray. There was sort of less laughs. It was more just kind of sitting there. You, at one point, were going to die yesterday. So we kind of sat in silence for a good 20 minutes. So I wouldn't say that we're spending as much time together, but life has lifed for us both. That's so true. We've been silent for at least an hour in the car yesterday. So I would say, yes, we're back to spending a lot of time together.

3:51Pete was also really, really sweet. Yesterday, at the very end of the day, there was a guy who was driving along and he was having a bit of a go at me and he couldn't park the car or something like that. And I went, what? And the guy sort of got a little bit, it was a long day. And I was like, he was just being a dick, the guy in the car. So Sam got out of the car and went, what? like this and then I got out of the car no no we parked up so I got out of the car and I was like what are you doing man because he was just being a dick and then he went you what and then I literally went oh god he's actually going to do something and then Pete gets there and goes fuck off and then he went say no more and drove off he literally he said say less and literally drove away and it was Pete and he went fuck off he went what did you say he went fuck off and then he went say less and drove him off and then as I was walking I went would I have just like thought I don't know but like Pete was just straight in straight up and just finger in front I was just like that's my man's that's my man's fucking that window nearly went up shit I would have happily punched through that fucking window it was a long long day and do you know what actually it kind of works actually me saying that's my man's because right now I'm wearing a thong how does that work that is the one of the weirdest segway I don't how does that work because you're my man's I'm not Am I the only one that hasn't understood that?

5:16Is this a TikTok that I don't know about? What have I missed here? Last week we said we were wearing thongs Are you not wearing yours? You turncoat

5:29As if you're not going to put that on No, you're absolutely right I'm not No, I really am not So you're, my god I am wearing that Right, tell me the obvious reasons why I couldn't wear that. Because your bollocks are too big. Thank you. Yeah. So we discussed last week the VPL. Wait a second. Vaginal panty line. No. The visible panty line. Now, I think just to prove Sam's wearing a song, I think the only way to do this is for us to kind of show that. So what I need you to do, all right, just so you get this right, is I'm just going to move the table. Kira, if you want to get up on this. What? Sorry.

6:06Sorry. What I need you to do is just bend. Yeah, yeah, I hear you. Face this way, bend down. This is what, just one of these? No, no, no, just like this. If you just do one of these and arch your back. One of them? Yeah. Yeah, that's it. No, no. Oh, I even thought I went, he was coming. Mate, if I do that, just like that. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. couple of things just want to say first and foremost like I stick to things you know I follow things through you're sticking's that thong and and mate was now stuck in my arse crack but that looks quite good as headwear but but I just like to everyone to know who's listening to this you know you ask we deliver and and and I want to nobody asked you just volunteered to do it a couple of thoughts about wearing a thong please tell us I think we covered it last week no no no now that he's got it on I do feel like Sam should give the Sam Thompson review of a thong.

7:09Not comfortable in the slightest. Like at all. I couldn't think right now of anything less comfortable to be jammed in my ass. Oh, I can think of a few things. It's like slicing into my butt cheeks. The biggest issue that we're going to have is, we know from previous that sometimes you struggle with the art of wiping. So I can't imagine how that's going to look when it comes out. Clean as a whistle, Peter. Clean as a whistle, sir. Okay, then. Honestly, and I do mean this in all seriousness, I know sometimes men do actually wear thongs and maybe there are better thongs than what we bought. We probably bought these off Amazon or something, right?

7:51But these are the most uncomfortable underwear I think I have ever worn in my entire life. Well, it's that well-known song designer, Casey Kevin. Casey Kevin, since 1997. Oh, yeah, see, I could feel the fabric. just not nice and i imagine that's why girls wear them it's because the fabric obviously probably feels quite good against the skin um it doesn't feel good at all is that why i imagine that's why um just keep yeah i'm not gonna ask but it's just it's not feeling great on my skin all right i would say well you know whilst we're on the subject of fashion yeah um not the only kind of different item of clothing should we say that that you and i have tried this week um something you've been on about for a while.

8:33Heelys? Yeah, I thought I'd be better at that, man. I also thought you'd be better. Slightly annoyed at Smug Thompson. Well, I wasn't very good. Well, no, not Smug Thompson. Smug Morgan. Smug Morgan. Smorgan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She literally pippered riding around on those Heelys. Like you've, and I don't know where you've learnt that. I just can't. I would suggest, and I don't know, because we've seen her athletic ability in a couple of different things that we've done previously. And for me, she's sort of a zero for athletic ability. I would suggest they've been in the office for quite a while.

9:13She's been practicing at home. That wouldn't surprise me at all. I actually had never put those specific Heelys on my feet. Oh, but we do. So we haven't experienced Heelia. We might have an experienced Heely before. Okay, there we go. I grew up in Heelys. Well, there we go. Okay, there we go then. All right. But that was years ago. Do you hold the record for that as well as... That's how she got her power walking thing. She was actually in Heelys. No wonder her feet didn't come off the fucking ground for the fucking rules. Whenever my parents used to go to B &Q, the floor there was particularly good for gliding.

9:42So I would go on all the B &Q trips in my Heelys. How often did your parents go to B &Q? Quite a lot. Can we go to B &Q, mum and dad? A bit like Sam always renoing. Jesus. And Costco, Asda. I got a really good sort of like... look into what you're like when you're good at things. Says you. You are very smug. Sam. The only reason I was smug is because I take so much crap from you constantly about how shit I am and everything, and you couldn't even stand up. So yes, I was a little bit smug. Pete had landed on his coccyx, right? He had really taken it into the corridor. Just so you know, I'm sitting on a pillow.

10:21He's not in a good way at the moment. Not joking. There are a few concerns over hip replacement. he's on his fucking ass and you've literally just come skating past being like and like doing that weird face you did I never made that noise and I'm just we're just a bit disappointed because you know we might be getting a bit old in yourselves I'm not surprised you lowered me down like I was in an old like an old pensioner home and I was literally like really really struggling better than taking the impact Pete did I would say that I get a mark for bravery and that's it based on the fact that I just went I'm gonna go full corridor with this and I'm sure I'll be fine.

10:58You took all the safety precautions and did get lowered down like an old deer into a bath. You know what I mean? It's scary as hell though, isn't it, mate? When you fly backwards. Scary as hell. It is. I don't care what anyone says. Healy's terrifying. It's like slipping on a bathroom. Do you know what I mean? The thing is, there's obviously a technique to it because it's fundamentally, you know, it shouldn't be difficult. But it's the back foot. It's the back. That must be an age thing because I said the exact same thing. It's the back foot. Scared the hell out of me, man. I think you need a bit of flexibility in there.

11:33And, you know, I'm quite stiff these days. Yeah, no, so am I. So am I. But it is what it is, mate. You know, there's some things that as we've got older, we're not very good at. Healing is one of them. And do you know what, mate? Look, I know we're on a bit of a downward curve right now. We're a little bit sad about the fact that we can't be very good at healing. Are you going to be able to bring us back up? I do have some good news. Okay, here we go. I've got a massive announcement, everyone. Okay. Well, Pete, more so than anyone else, actually. Well, I have an announcement. I have an announcement for you.

12:01Oh, you have an announcement for me. Are you ready for this? Yes. Are you sat down? I'm sat. On a pillow. Hey, like that. Sit down, Pete. I'm sat. Just in case you didn't catch it the first time. Should we do it a third? Peter I you are looking at the next big YouTuber Sam Thompson yeah I'm I'm getting into YouTube yeah yeah no no don't look at me with a vacant stare okay just think picture this alright picture this hey guys come spend a day with me hey guys I don't need to picture it because I I do spend the day with you hey guys get ready with me hey guys this is what I eat in a day okay hey guys come to the gym with me my suggestion with the hey guys is what you are doing is molly may i'm gonna be the new molly may okay you're gonna marry a boxer but no other than that like people who knows but like i'm gonna put my all into this everything so look this is how it goes so you're lying in bed right three b logs and you got it you know no i'm gonna follow this through yeah i'm gonna follow this through so you wake up and from what i understand is you put you you set your tripod out and then you get back into bed.

13:21Right. And so you have to then be like, Oh, don't give away all the secrets. Yeah. And, and you've got to basically like film yourself waking up and then you sort of take yourself into the bathroom. You put your little tripod down and then you sort of like do a nice little cool angled mirror shot or something like that. Brush your teeth, talk about what you're going to do in the day. And then you sort of like go downstairs, crack a couple of eggs and, and, and this is what I'm making my day. And I should be vlogging this right now. Just like, imagine the fun. of setting up a camera. Honestly, it does.

13:52It sounds thrilling. Come to the gym with me. Do a Sunday reset. So I don't know what that means. Sunday reset's like the best thing ever. I've been researching this a lot. So basically I'm going to be resetting my Sunday for everyone to see. So you like change your duvet cover, put it in the laundry, you book Pilates, have a matcha, write the notes of what you're going to do the next morning. It's a Sunday reset. Okay, so listening to this, all right, because I know you, what you're going to do, because your life, I would suggest, not that interesting because none of that happens. Your maid does your laundry and your other things and whatever else.

14:33So you're going to transform your life and then record it. So you're going to do loads of things that you don't normally do and pretend that that's your day. Hey, guys, come with me. Come with me. Come with me. Is that what it's called? Sam Thompson, come with me. Come with me. I'd be careful putting that on the internet. Because that sounds a little bit like you might get some weird people logging on cock in hand. But that's fine. We'll take all customers at the moment. And then obviously it's like, guys... Again, not the best example. We'll take it all. Like, comment, subscribe, view, comment.

15:07Like, comment, subscribe. Give it all. Give me everything. So you're going to follow in the footsteps of, you know, who are your favourite YouTubers? Well, I like a bit of Molly Mae. I like a bit of Mole. Yeah? You know? Does she still vlog? She still vlogs all the time. And what's your favourite one? Well, I like it when she's sat in the car, you know? She's sort of like talking about her life while sat in her G-Wagon. You've got one on order. You know, I just, I like the way that she just, she goes about her life and it's all vlogged. And so I think it's going to be a really nice thing just to go around, just bringing people along for the journey, you know?

15:42I mean, absolutely. And presumably you've done the market read and this is the content people want to see. Absolutely, of course. Waking up, setting the camera up. Yeah, yeah. And obviously you wake up with your missus. Is she going to go, will she wake up to a camera at the end of her bed? She might possibly do, yeah. Okay, all right, cool. And then also, you never know where that can go. You could, maybe me and some other YouTubers could collab. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You and Molly could wake up together. me and the sidemen you know yeah that could be quite well there's an opening now exactly yeah maybe I'll join a YouTube boxing match as well that I would love to see so what's brought this on why now because you've spoken about this for a long time it's been sort of a lifelong dream for you for the past year so so so what why now because I do you know I've had a YouTube channel for like years and just never done anything on it I've had it for like seven years.

16:43I've actually got videos on there that I used to when I was younger and vlogs and stuff. Yeah, I did like a house tour and everything. What's the name of the YouTube channel? I think it's just Sam Thompson, isn't it? Okay. It was when I was on Made in Chelsea. Have you not seen the house tour? No, God. You would love it. You would love it. We should probably do an updated Sam tour, to be fair. Well, I absolutely... It's shock at Sam Thompson UK. Isn't it? At Sam Thompson UK official. what I think we need to do is obviously compare to see you know you need to look back and see where you can improve I've already done that mate oh you've done the research we're doing a house tour this Friday so you know it's going to be the new gaff and by the way if anything goes wrong we're going to be raw if something goes wrong it's going to be raw it's going to be gritty dude you know maybe I might be one of those dudes who puts the camera up while they're crying yeah yeah yeah you know I might be that guy what's going to make you cry on the house tour well it might not be the house tour but like you know if I've had a bad day, I might set the camera up and have a couple of tears.

17:44You're in the Barcelona vlog. Sorry? Oh yeah, there's Peter in the vlog. You're in a vlog on the YouTube. That's where we went to do Humano. You vlogged my brand? Yeah. Barcelona travel vlog. How many views? Three. 155 ,000. Seven years ago. But maybe this is your calling. That vlog is jokes. What is, what's the dream? The dream? There isn't really a dream. I just like it. I just want to, I want to just, I like making content. I want people to come with me. Yeah, so, that's my biggest thing, I think. The biggest takeaway is I want people just to come with me. But there's got to be a dream. What's, you know, you can just make content and not upload it.

18:24So what's the dream? Is there, is there, a great community? You know I like a community. So is it to get the plaquey things? Do we want to start achieving it? Are we working towards a plaque? Well, possibly, possibly. I don't know. I've got small dreams at the start, you know, but moving forward, I don't know where it's going to go. But it's something that I've always wanted to do and actually I've just never done it. And so now we're getting back into the YouTube space, baby. So we've got house tours. We've got waking up in the morning. We've got set in the car. One of your other loves, I presume the cats will be quite prevalent in it.

18:57Tally will be in it. You'll be in it. I haven't signed anything. Pete will be in it. Pete will not. are you going to be introducing your kind of other love, gaming? Yeah, absolutely, going to be gaming in it, of course Okay, so Bodger and Badger are going to be in it We're going to have the whole team, we're going to have Louise and Ryan in it as well Wonderful Just a bit of my life Might even bring the cameras in here Yeah, because we haven't got enough So it's going to be quite sort of, you know get to know If you don't know, get to know The man behind the mullet So are you going to include all of your farting uh what you talk about the video i just posted are you are you are you going to include all the all the farting and stuff that much i don't i don't fart that much there is there is two videos in the past week purely based around farting which would suggest which would suggest it's either something we're proud of or i don't know um you know you're in that i bet you haven't even seen it you're in no no no this video i posted live showed me um yeah yeah yeah quite jokes it was quite funny uh one of the least funny things i've ever seen because i hate bodily functions as we well know so i was never gonna like that one but um uh when on a serious note because that's obviously the content when was the first time that i farted in front of your bird not ever Yeah, yeah.

20:24When was the first time I farted in front of my girlfriend? Oh, do you know what? Not that long ago. Probably this year. I'd say it's this year. So I was with her September onwards to the end of the year. And I don't think I did anything. I don't think I farted. No gas whatsoever. And then I let one slip, I think. It must be at the start of the year or something. Oh, so it was an accidental. Yeah, she hates it though. You didn't say it. Oh. Yeah, she doesn't like it. So how on earth did you get to do a fucking video on it? Well, because... That's a really good question. Because we didn't... Do you know what's funny?

20:59When we were doing the video, she went, I don't find this funny. And I went, no, no, no, don't worry, it will be. And she went, but this isn't funny. I was like, just give me a chance. Let me land. And she went, it's boy humour. She was like, it's such boy humour. And I went, yeah, but it's great. It's like we're doing it in a Sky Sports studio. She went, no, I get it. I get the premise. We're doing it in a... But it wasn't a Sky Sports studio. Did you just say we're doing it in the Sky Sports studio? No, as if we're doing it like a Sky Sports interview. Oh, I was going to say, if you fucking went to the Sky Sports studio and went, sorry, Terry Emery, if you could just back off Mika Richards, I just need to use the backboard.

21:33All right, okay. Okay, so for me, and this is in all seriousness, I would say you should probably wait three months before finding your message. So yours was an accident or just sort of slipped out? What was the reaction? Me apologising immediately. Right. I literally was like, I'm so, so sorry. How long or how many months worth of apologising before you just did it anyway? It was quite soon after that, actually, because I was a bit ill. And so it was just happening. And now it's just a common occurrence. It's not, because every time I do it, she's very good like this, actually. She will turn around and be like, that's not respectful.

22:12And I'm actually like, that's a very good point. Okay, mate, it's good that you respect her. Cup-caping, cup-caking Pippa. So is it that you don't respect Pippa? Great question. Dutch pancake, you mean? Whatever you did that was caught on video. No, he's right, cupcaking. Oh, he's called cupcake. When you scoop it into someone's face, that's called cupcake. And present it as a cupcake. Because this is now, what, three weeks, obviously, since Cupcake-gate. So is it a lack of respect for Pippa or just? No, not at all. Do you know what it is? Pippa's my sister. like you're like i could do anything around you and it would be absolutely fine because like and you could do anything around me it's good you've decided you could literally you you could you could shit yourself next to me and i'd be like oh do you know but i wouldn't i can't wait to tell that story on the pod yeah yeah i would at no point would i told it if you you told everyone on this pod a few months ago that i shat myself for about six months i had people messaging me but what I mean is that I believe that we could do anything in front of each other and it's fine.

23:16Cause we have that sibling bond, right? I genuinely view me, you view you as my second sister. So like, that's just, I think how brothers treat their sisters and how sisters treat their brothers, you know? And I wouldn't want to lose that. So I wouldn't want to lose that. But feelings mutual? Yes, of course. Good. Oh, well, good. Because you've got a special surprise for you after this. But, but, but what about you? Because I, this is a weird one. because look, you're always going to, at some point, release any sort of gas in front of your other half, right? No one's saying you want to do it, but it's going to happen, it's human nature.

23:49When do you think it's acceptable to have just done it and not feel like you're going to get dumped? Well, I mean, if you're getting dumped for it, and I suggest the relationship wasn't that strong in the first place, I don't think it's acceptable ever. What if you can't help it? Well, yeah, you can't help it. So things happen. So you apologise and you move on. But you don't make a thing out of it. You apologise and you move on. I love that. I can now imagine Pete trying to move on afterwards. Like apologising and then moving on. Yeah. How do you move on? Pete, let's just say... Well, it's quite simple.

24:26Here you go. Let's move on from this. So I'm Liv. You're you. You've just farted, right? It just happened. What do you say? I'm so sorry. Let's move on. I this is one of my favourite films how about you no Pete wait I need to speak to you about that you've never farted in front of me before why what's just happened there got a bit of a dicky tummy I didn't mean for it to happen and I'm so sorry is it going to happen again not if I can help it fair enough what if someone farts in front of you what like a partner a partner well it depends on the reasoning same thing I can be understandable at times um what if what if what if listen it's human it's one of them things it's fucking human nature it's kind of you know it happens but it's when you see my issue is when you see people who find it hilarious uh because it's not and uh when you when you get couples who like you know fart under the bed and then cover each other what the fucking really I mean I I won't even go to the you you now going to the to the bathroom in front of, not in front of you, but in the same building?

25:39Yeah, in the same building. In the same flat? Yes. Really? Yes. We've moved up. Well, yeah, there's three doors between us and they're all closed. Yeah, so she knows when you're about to do it because you've got like three different barriers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's one of them and we don't discuss it. And then you move on. We all know what's happening and we move on. Has she ever brought it up? No. I know where you're going. And obviously, you know, if we go away, always ensure that there are two bathrooms in the hotel room so everyone has their own bath we have our own bathrooms so yeah it's this is my area you know yeah and similarly we then we just come together we just you know yeah it's just just just the way it is it's just i i i hate it right and you know what that's i know i've never been like that even in front of and it's not even just like mouthy-mouthing, never been like it, even like as a kid with like fucking mates or playing sports or anything like that.

26:38Don't like it. It's dirty. Get away from me. I don't want your air shit anywhere near me and all the particles up my fucking schnozzer. I don't want it. No. Go, take yourself outside, all right, and go and do that in private. And just move on. And then we can all move on. The problem is when you're forced here, it becomes difficult for me to move on from. what would you do genuinely if it let's not say your partner let's say and just start at someone else like it's gonna say your mum what would you what do you do if Pippa just like did it but like intentionally next to you um like you do yeah I'd expect an apology from someone like Pippa but Pippa wouldn't do that Pippa I just don't feel like you'd do that I'm definitely more team Pete than team Sam I think most people listening to this would be more team Pete I don't find it funny I can't think of one person who's 34, which is my age, right, who thinks it's as funny as I think it is.

27:36Yeah, I'd agree with that. But listen, there's also that better acting. Yes, of course. I'm not saying that you sit there and hold it. Take up smoking. It's brilliant because you have to pop outside every fucking... Such a good point. ...everything down there anyway. Just off on the balcony. It's fucking fine. But yeah, so I don't suggest that people hold it until they're in pain or give themselves some sort of medical problem. I think most people would agree with you on that one. I'm very much the minority. I get called childish by everybody. Absolutely everybody. Yeah, I just never... Not my listeners.

28:15It's never been... But like, for example, so Tani even, she's not a big fan of it. so if based on that then how does she feel about the the floaters i don't know but i don't actually do that i don't leave them i don't i just know on my life roll the tape i genuinely don't i i i i try and be incredibly respectful to her because if she doesn't like it she doesn't like it right well yeah yeah the only thing i have and i'm sure this is an adhd impulse thing is if i know somebody doesn't like something, it makes it funny to me. So like, I sometimes get the impulse to like, it's why I get it with you.

28:53Cause I know you vehemently hate certain things that then I go, I find it really hard to then not like, you don't like people giving you a butt tap. All right. I will sometimes walk past you and be like, I know he hates this. Don't you dare do it, Thompson. And, and, and then my intrusive thoughts get clicking and I literally go, oh my god I'm doing it I don't know what I'm doing I can see my hand go like that and I'm like I didn't even mean or want to do that but I've done it yeah I think a lot of people get intrusive thoughts I get it on TV sometimes yeah it's self-control do you mate do you know what do you ever go on oh god maybe I'm the only one who does this do you ever go on like morning TV and once they yeah all the time like do you ever sit there and go like on like the one show and be like god if I imagine if I just dropped a C-bomb right now like what would happen and then you get in your own head and you're like why do I suddenly feel like I'm going to do it?

29:46And then you're like, I'm about to say **** at the BBC. Sometimes things that are shocking are funny because it's shocking. Do you know what I mean? I do find things, because that's comedic timing, isn't it? Funny isn't shocking, it's just dirty. You know what I mean? Does that make sense? Yeah, it makes sense. If I was watching the one show, like I was on the one show a couple of weeks ago, Michael Palin was on this, Sir Michael Palin, he's 80 odd years old. If he just went, well, he's a bit of a ****, It would be fucking hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, if he dropped his arsehole, I'd go, what are you doing, Sir Michael?

30:21Do you know what I mean? That's why I would find it so funny. No, like, that to me, honestly, I'd be like... Oh, there is something so... I don't know, no one's going to agree with me. By the way, lovely man, absolutely love him, and he is hilarious. No one's going to agree with me on this, but there is something so pure about the comedy and the humour. of like just someone doing that. Anyway, moving swiftly on, we're going to get loads of hate for that because people hate it when I talk about it, but it is just funny to me. Well, yeah, I mean, look, it's just one of them things. It's just not my favourite thing in the world.

30:56It's, you know, so... Even you serve that. It's so funny to me. You know, let's move on. Halloween. We've got Halloween coming up. To another one of my least favourite things in the world. Well, I don't know about how... You're going to be front and centre in Halloween. I feel like you're going to really go for the dress up. I am not. Your girlfriend will. She absolutely will. Yeah, which inevitably means that you will. So, yeah, Halloween. I mean, look, the problem with Halloween is it's not really an occasion. It's, you know, it's for kids. I was walking the dogs last night, right? And so I had three dogs, me and Liv last night.

31:39walked past a hotel who had a skeleton, pumpkins, all the stuff outside. And she literally stopped and went, oh, my God, I need to get that in my flat. Yeah. Imagine Pete coming home and like trying to unlock a front door that's like covered in like skeletons and like pumpkin wreaths. Like webs and fake spiders. Booting them out the way. And it's like the spider's webs got like attached to his coat and he's like, oh, fucking hell. And the pumpkins land on his head. And do you know what's funny? is like she keeps going on at the minute about going pumpkin picking. I've never done it. Oh my God, I love it.

32:10I did last year. Never done it in my life. Couldn't think of anything worse. It's amazing. If you're, no, no, no. Again, just imagine him bending down, just picking up a pumpkin off the ground. And putting it in a wheelbarrow. And putting it in his wheelbarrow. Well, that one's all right, isn't it? It's orange. Like. Like, I was sitting there, no, no. It's just, it fucking, no. But I'm starting to think that these no's are because you've never had the joy of being able to do it with somebody. you know i mean contrary to your belief um i did have a childhood so you know uh i had a father um i still have a mother we did all of that crap like i went trick-or-treating and did it you know trick-or-treating yeah trick-or-treat yeah as a kid did all of that so it's not like i had like some um but then then when my brain started to develop a bit more i thought this is silly but i was about six at that point i think um but it was just it was just like what my well you're gonna give me the sweets or not no because you need to like tell me what you've come dressed as and you know if you can't fucking see do you know what i mean i i'm i'm i'm i'm a ghost i'm wearing a fucking duvet mate alright we'll do some ghost noises then woo give me some sweets hey here's a bounty love bounties great here's another one really and that was the good thing about trickle-treating is I love any coffee sweets and bounties and stuff so all that crap would be left so I didn't have to go out early and get the good stuff I'd wait till all the **** had gone and then I wouldn't have to bum into anyone because we haven't really got much left they're actually my favourites Pete on his own with his little Halloween orange his orange thing his bed sheet over his face going and he's knocked All of the other kids are running together, playing, going, oh, my God.

33:56And Pete's going, room for one more. Trick or treat. I'll have the bounty, please. Yeah, nice. Fill it up. Yeah, nice. A bit more. I'll probably be the last one. She might as well tip that in. But, yeah, she's big into Halloween. So she's got a Halloween party. Whoa.

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36:41so it's for olivia's house she's got a full dress so i am i am going to be in costume yeah uh and it's been going on for a long time to be in costume what the costumes are gonna be oh it's gonna be sexy it's definitely gonna be sexy and there's gonna be a photo on the gram and i can see it now well let me tell you now it's certainly not gonna be sexy in me do you know what you're going at i yes i well it changes on a sort of hourly basis at the minute um but yeah i i am aware of what is the current front runner what is it i can't tell you what oh i can't tell you because if for her she you know internet eats first i like that well it's because obviously it's her party so she doesn't want people to know so anyway uh but also not only that is i'm going to be in vegas for halloween oh wow so so apparently me and her are then dressing up for that just the two of us to go out which i find odd because we're going to be sat having dinner dressed as what we've done it before we we did um we you came as well i i got shafted a little bit i wore a fucking because i believe halloween last year you went home by 10 p.m because i was on a fucking Halloween hater well no it's just because no one gave me a good a Halloween outfit.

37:56I was in a fight. I had a grey wig, a green wig. Weird enough, everyone else did their own Halloween outfits. Annalise bought mine. Shit. So disappointing. Everyone had the option, but it was, I just, I get the idea. I just think, no, to Halloween. I just can't. You say that, you're getting, you're getting dressed more than, you're going to be in costume more than anyone I know. Yeah. But, You know. You did a voiceover. Sorry, you did a lip sync. Oh, yes. You did a lip sync on a reel recently. Who are you? Who and how do I get a bit of, how do I get on that action? How did she, how did Liv get you to mine?

38:44I don't even know what it's from. Some movie. Schitt's Creek. Schitt's Creek. She didn't. Her social media manager did. How? Because I didn't have a choice based on the fact that everyone was there. The whole team were there, like, you know, getting ready for the launch and that. And I was sat on the sofa with a dog. So it was very difficult for me to go, I haven't got time. Or I was literally chilling on the sofa while they all got ready with the dog, with my headphones in, listening to country music. Pete, can you just do this lip-sitting? I didn't think quick enough to go, I've actually got something to do.

39:22I was literally like that. Yeah, she's got an untapped goldmine there because you're going to be there, obviously, a fair amount, I imagine. So, like, just catching Pete unawares on the sofa. What a way to get. It's like catching a Pokemon. And then when you look round and they're sitting going, you're kind of like... Oh, for God. But, yeah, so, yeah, and again, I don't have to see it because I don't have TikTok. God, that's amazing. God, I'm jealous. So, yeah, that's why, obviously, you know, I don't like making content, which is why, you know, the YouTube... Are you going to be doing like get ready with me things on YouTube and that?

39:55I don't know. I don't know if guys do get ready with me, but like maybe, maybe. I mean, my fashion sense ain't great, but you know, I think it's just going to be a barrel. Or what's the other one that people do? What I eat in a day? Yeah. That's a bit boring, that kind of stuff. You know, I don't know how to do all that. I think I'll take him out and about. Out and about? I'll do IRL in real life. He'll be going all over the place. IRL? Yeah. In real life? In real life. In real life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the in real life. And then what? So, okay, cool. He's going to be a YouTuber, but you're a social media star now.

40:25This is something that I've wanted for you for a very long time. Are we going to be doing, are you going to be doing Get Ready With Me now? I'm not entirely sure if four words on someone else's TikTok classifies me as a star. But, listen, I am happy to take it. Mate, there's going to be two Halloween in outfits. Yes. There's going to be lip syncs. There's going to be... There's been a lip sync. We're easing you in. Well, do you know what? As I've done with you for eight years, I do things to make other people happy. It gives me an easier life because there's only so many no's you can say before persistence pays off, which is how you did it.

41:03Literally, you've just got to keep up. That's the thing with Pete. He will do it. You'll get an angry Pete, but he will eventually do it if you ask enough times. And just on Halloween, lastly, if you want to go pumpkin picking with somebody, I love pumpkin picking. I carve them as well. It's really fun. Well, yeah. I mean, I'll bear it in mind. Come on. I mean, are we doing Halloween here? I was planning on it. I was thinking more of a double date, but okay, if you want to involve the team, we have to. I'm in. I'm done. You don't want one of your sisters to come? Yeah, I'll do. But are we doing Halloween in terms of dressing up?

41:40Yeah, I told Sam this morning he's in charge of costumes and theme. Ooh. Any ideas? The floor is yours. Any ideas? You have had this morning. I forgot that I was in charge. From this morning. Any ideas? Maybe something from your favourite Scooby-Doo. Yeah. So like someone. Something from your favourite Scooby-Doo. Yeah, well, mate, there's been so many episodes of Scooby-Doo. So any villain. I feel like the characters are the same. No, because any villain. Oh, fuck me. You've got to be a Scooby-Doo to know what the villains are. Everyone knows Scooby-Doo, Scrappy-Doo and the other fuck. And the ones in the fucking bus.

42:20someone named me a Scooby-Doo villain. Mate, I know loads. And they'll always be like, Dr. Fink? Which villain would you be then? Oh, the Swamp Man, the Swamp Monster. Someone show me what a Swamp Man looks like. So type in Scooby-Doo, Swamp Monster. I mean, that's a fucking niche. I don't really want that to be the theme. All right, fine, but you pick it, seeing as we all knew that that's what she really wanted. All right, what other themes can we do? Aladdin. Oh, what? For Halloween? Yeah, you be the carpet, I'll be the genie. That's a joke. Is that... Iconic. It's pretty much what you were last year.

42:55What? Aladdin for Halloween? I'll be... No, do you know what? I'll be Aladdin. You be the carpet. This sounds more just fancy dress, less Halloween. But you want a scary costume. Oh, okay. Is that not... I think you're going down the more American... Right. Sorry. I think in the UK it is more scary. In the US it's a bit more fancy dress. Right. Oh, in which case, yeah. Okay, fine. If we go Mean Girls and it's dressed, you know, everyone goes in. And then what do you do? Like, just like, if you're Mean Girls, just like whack a bit of blood at your mouth or something. Well, no, because what they would say.

43:28Well, that would be a zombie Mean Girls. Yeah, but no, in Mean Girls. Well, you can just be a zombie. I could just go zombie Pete and whack a bit of blood. Yeah, but that's frowned upon these days. What, going as Pete? Yeah, it is. It's like the least, it's what people used to do to go to nightclubs when they used to throw Halloween parties. And you'd be like, oh, that guy really has a friend. You'd be getting turned away. You would. Just get a couple of contact lenses and... No. No? What would you do if you got turned away from a Halloween party because you weren't dressed Halloween-y enough?

43:53Well, it'd be worrying because the Halloween party I'm going to this year is hosted by me birds. If I get turned away, it'd be a real fucking issue, wouldn't it? What if it was around? It'd be absolutely fucking raging. What if it was... No, no. I know the owner. I know her. What would I do if I got turned away from... A Halloween party because you just... You hadn't invested enough in it. I mean, knowing me, be over the moon. Skip home. Don't you worry. I completely get you. It's fine. I'll pop off home. Well, who decides what's enough? The bouncer. Let me speak to your manager. All right. Well, manager comes outside and goes, oh, mate, you're not even dressed.

44:34Everyone in there, the whole point, the theme was really, really, really Halloween. You've got to actually put everything into it. And what says Halloween more than a bit of fucking blood hanging out of your mouth, mate? You're just wearing a white shirt and jeans. But there's blood on both. But it looks like you've been in a fight. It doesn't look like you've actually, like, it doesn't look like you've put blood on you to be Halloween. No, I'll tell you what, I'll show you what it looks like to be in a fight. Get outside. Fuck. Shit. What is your dream Halloween? Because it is Heidi Klum, who does the mad outfits in America, isn't it?

45:06Like, the absolutely wild over the years. If you could, if money was no object, yeah and like but realistic like prosthetics and all that well what is your dream it would be to werewolf but properly proper werewolf yeah although it'd get quite annoying because like you go up to the bar and try and sip a drink and you have fur and fluff everywhere but like quite fun also like you can have a halloween party at home they don't all happen in bars so it doesn't necessarily have to have a bar but are we gonna so so would you because that's a lot of effort that's got to be four or five hours worth of perfection to do that probably.

45:43Could you sit and have that done and then wear that all night? No. This is the other thing. That's my issue. These costumes, you can fucking, it'll ruin your night. You know, if you whack on a pair of jeans and a white tissue splash from Brad, you're still comfortable. You're having a lovely time. It's not a big deal. You start going in inflator balls and whacking horns on your head and all the other, you're not going to have a good time. No, I completely agree because then you get home, you try and lie on your bed and then you're just like, you've got like blood, or like let's say you've gone.

46:09Yeah, you've got to get all that stuff off. You've got blue paint on your bed and you're like, It's all over your sheets. No, I actually agree with that, to be fair. And is it worth it? Well, I don't know. I always find that Halloween, especially when you're single, used to be really, really fun. I used to love Halloween when I was single. I don't think I've ever been out on Halloween. Really? Not like... When I was younger, it was really, really fun. Like as an adult? You'd go to like a club night at like early 20s and you'd be like, anything can happen. So what sort of thing have you worn previously to your Halloween club nights?

46:38Do you know what the worst thing is? I have been white shirt, blood over it kind of guy. Yeah, I've never really invested too heavily into Halloween costumes, actually. The only time I was ever going to really invest into it is when I thought Maya was going to invite me to a Halloween party. And that's when I was going to werewolf up. Right. And there was me and you were going to go together. So, well, listen, you can call it on here. You can call on a staying relevant Halloween party. We've got, you know, three weeks. Yeah, but it's not as fun when it's just us, is it? Do you know what I mean?

47:05You want like, you want it to be pumping. Are we not all coming to lives? Look at the... No. Well, I don't know. I haven't done the fucking list. Sorry, what? I haven't done the fucking list for it. Fuck. I've already got my costume. Yeah, same. I'm coming as a werewolf. Here he's going as Woody from Toy Story. Nice.

47:30Not where I would have gone with that one. I must say, what are you going as? Jesse. Right. Or Slinky. Did you forget that she's not Josh? No. Because it would make more sense for Josh to go as Woody. Josh is Buzz Lightyear. Right. Okay. You can be Mr. Potato Head. I'm Mr. Potato Head. Mrs. Potato Head. Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head. In all seriousness, what would you and or Liv do if we all showed up? If the staying relevant troop led by yours truly turned up to the front door, I went, all right, we're here for the party. We're all dressed up. We've really gone for it. It's not my party. Yeah, but no, we got Pete, Pete.

48:15And you've seen us and you've seen me waving you down. I've got Pippa on one side, Kira on the other side, and we're fucking ready to party. And we're like, Pete, no, we know Pete, Pete, Pete. And Liv's not there and it's up to you, right? But we're not on the list. Liv's dealing with some work shit. She's getting interviewed for something. and you have to make a snap decision to be like, to let us in or not. I don't know if we are, man. I feel like he's going to be like, wait till Liv gets back. I can't make these stories. But my pay grade, guys. Fucking hell. But my pay grade. What can you do?

48:51I think we should all turn up. I genuinely do. I think we should all turn up. And if we dress... There's nothing like gate crashing your mate's... Yeah, your mate's girlfriend's party. Should we do that? Nothing like doing that. I think we should. It's all turned alive. Well, just let Talies family know I'll be round for Christmas. Should we spend Christmas together? I know. Okay. I love when Pete tries to think of an excuse and then settles on just no. No, I'm away. I can't. I'm not. I haven't got any plans. No, but I have. I'm not in the vicinity. I'm not around. All right. Fair enough. Interesting.

49:31Looks like we're all turning up to the Halloween party, though. everyone get your kit on we're going uh let's talk about something a little bit more serious uh and more congratulations are in order right now uh pete a rather successful night at the podcast awards who by the way we haven't boycotted if that's why we're not up for one just saying we love the podcast awards if you want to put us up for an award you can we'll turn up i again this is one of them things where i may have to go with roll the tapes we'll We'll turn up. It's been a while. No, you have to apply. Oh. They don't just put you up.

50:04You apply. Well, we should probably apply. But you told us to boycott it. Because I believe it's the ones we applied for last time. We applied last year. I applied for Best New Producer. Oh, yeah. I remember that. I didn't get shortlisted. Yeah. So we did. And so there was two elements as to why. It's awkward. first of it it was the listener's choice which you don't that's just a well that was a red-handed problem so so then you boycotted it then that was like four years ago uh and then you boycotted it after we after pippa didn't get her nomination not just pippa we didn't get shortlisted either no it was pippa i remember it was no no no us as well oh were we we know you weren't nominated no no we didn't even make the shortlist um so so yeah unfortunately um at that point you you boycotted it, even though we were already boycotted as a staying relevant.

50:57Now we're double boycotting. Now you've just said, if you want to put us up for an award, please do. We can have another go next year. We'll have a go. You never know. Pete's done it for all of us. Pete's won it for his other podcast. We're not going to name the name. We're not going to do all the other podcasts. Man Maid. Pete, just fucking... Pippa's written in here, the other, in bold black letters. the other podca Pippa hates my mate. No, I'm just embarrassed that it's not us. And he's managed to go fly solo and do it without us. Pete also had a rather successful night at the podcast awards for his other podcast.

51:36What awards were they, Peter? If Pippa allows. Are you happy for me to mention it? See what it looks like in the edit. I don't want to. All right. I imagine this is getting cut out. But for anyone, Kira may be doing it as a behind the scenes. So best health and wellbeing, we won. And we won best interviewer. Best interview. Don't know, Pippa, that was a slow, bitter clap from you there, Pippa. We actually beat Louis Theroux to best interviewer. Was he there? He was. Was he annoyed? I didn't see him. It's hard to see when the lights are shining on your face when you're on stage and you've won. It was one of the things I present.

52:22I present this award as well. I was up and down them fucking stairs. I was knackered. Did they play an entrance song? You know sometimes they play a song when you go up on the stairs. Yes, they did. Oh, okay. I don't know what it was. I just love it if it was like, Who do you present an award to? Pete doesn't even know who he gave the award to. No, I do. It was for a category and it was Sean Bean's podcast that won. The actor. Sean Bean? Boromir? Yes. He came up and collected an award? No, his podcast team did. Oh, right. But it was his podcast. Wow. I was going to say, if Boromir came and picked up that award, I mean, wow.

53:07But Crouchy was there. Alan Carr won for food and drink and twerked on stage. Wow. So that was good. Peter Crouch won something. Yeah, it was a big night. 32 different categories. Well, Pete, do you know what? Seeing as you're in with them now, I think I'm out. So I can't really, there's nothing I can do here. But if you wouldn't mind, you know, for your other podcast, which is staying relevant, which Pippa is going to definitely ask me to. Not for man-made. Not for man-made. Could you do a pitch? What would be your pitch to the podcast awards to get us in there? Firstly, thank you so much for the double award winning podcast.

53:56I had such a fabulous night and it was an absolute honour to present for you as well. Off the back of that, I was thinking I have another podcast. So the other podcast, Staying Relevant, I would really like to get us involved because I think the team would love it. We work really hard. And even if I do say so myself, it's quite good. What does it entail, Pete? What have we spoken about most of this pod? What we will do, I imagine, for the submission is send you some of our better episodes. It will take us a while to find them. But we have done some good stuff previously. We are a Sunday Times bestselling podcast who've sold out the O2 and done multiple sold-out tours.

54:39we've done run clubs um we do an awful lot for um uh our audience which i would suggest is is like a family and i would say probably one of the most loyal audiences of any podcast in the uk um so if you have an award for most loyal fan base i know for a fact we would win um but what would be lovely is if we could win um the final prize of the night which is podcast of the year um now i know man wade was very close um thank you again um uh but this year it went to a prison radio podcast however i don't know if you know um but i spent much of my childhood in juvie so actually there are some similarities between myself and prison radio um i i don't want that to kind of swing things but um maybe that will help um the other thing that i haven't mentioned is that I don't do this pod alone.

55:34I do it with my best friend, Samuel. Yo. DeCourcy Thompson. He is a wonderful character. So what I would like is for him to experience the wonderful podcast awards with me this year. And by the way, just in case this doesn't happen, don't worry. If you want to find out a little bit more about Sam Thompson, if you could subscribe to at Sam Thompson UK and you can find out all about his day on his latest vlog. And you'll see us there. I look forward to hearing from you soon. And if you could put Pippa up for Best Producer. Longer than I thought it was going to be. Yeah. That, I imagine we'll have to cut that down.

56:12Pippa, you put yourself up for Best Producer and didn't get shortlisted. That is a tough pill to swallow. She is in the same category as us, though, because we did put ourselves up for funniest podcast and didn't get shortlisted. So who does a shortlist? judging panel who's the judging panel loads of experts lots of like expert people who's an expert i can't even reapply because i had to be within your first year of working in oh no so now you're just in the you're in the zeitgeist of everyone else i'll never be the best new producer i spoke to a lot of the judging panel actually um uh on the night and um i don't know how they do it but it's it's it's it'd be quite fun to be on a little judging maybe that's the way in maybe we can get you on the judging panel the worst part about that is she still wouldn't fucking shortlist to stay relevant I don't think wasn't our old producer on the judging panel well I mean that was awkward because the year we actually did that our old producer on the judging panel didn't put our new producer forward mad that isn't it oh my god that's what it was Pippa that's what it was Matt well guys thank you so much for listening whether we have a podcast award on this podcast or not, we have you.

57:25And that's the most important thing. Our loyal community that we have fostered and built over many a moon. Thank you so much for listening. We love you so much. On whatever commute you're on, remember, you're loved.

57:42I don't know what it will. Everything that happened previous to that. The farting? Or the thongs?

57:52Oh, God. This has been a Staying Relevant production. Hello, Relevanters. We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog, Marry, Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We're sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, Jeannie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.