Does Sam Exist...?

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1:11Go to roe.co slash journey to see if you qualify. 14 to 20 % average weight loss in one year in non-diabetics with obesity or overweight with a weight-related medical condition versus 2.2 % to 3.1 % in placebo arm. Rx only. To stay informed about serious side effects, go to roe.co slash safety. Welcome to Staying Relevant, the bonus episode hosted by two best of the best pals, me, Sam Thompson, and Peter, James, Jonathan, Joseph, Jezariah, Jezire, Jeremiah Wicks. If you've managed to still be here after the 15th name, then well done to you. this is the bonus episode which means it's Thursday you'll be able to watch this on Josh's YouTube channel on Sunday and obviously the main episode which came out Monday audibly you can now watch on Josh's YouTube channel visually which means you can catch us on a Monday Wednesday Thursday Sunday just doesn't get old make sure you rate review do all of that crap you know the stuff by Now, obviously, this is the bonus episode, which means it's generally about you.

2:23However, we have a tendency just to sort of talk about ourselves. So you may not be included, but you may be included. And if you want to be included, the only way for you to be included is to email the worst email address in the world, which is hello at srproductions.co.uk. Shall we start? Let us begin. I've just seen the first email. So the first one, it pleases me. I'm going to be honest with you because I am sick of just kind of being the butt of the joke here. You know, I'm a serious guy. I'm a crazy guy. No, you're one crazy cat. Crazy cat. But this is all about Sam. Hi, team. We keep hearing, does Pete exist?

3:11Can we flip this, please? Absolutely, we fucking can. Sam says he wants to have his own toolkit. Has Sam ever been to B &Q, Wix or any DIY store? Does he know what tools to buy or even what they look like? As a next challenge, would Pete take Sam to a DIY store and help Sam buy a toolkit, drill, etc.? Thank you for bringing me joy every week. I can't wait to see you both in September. And that's from Dee. Thank you so much, Dee. Really appreciate it. So, does Sam exist? Sam exists! Have you ever been to a DIY store? I have Yeah, what one? On an industrial estate or one of the posh ones in Fulham?

3:50No, the one down the road from me Yeah, so a posh one in Fulham, privately owned Yeah, privately owned, been there for years, family business You've been there with me? They've got everything in there He's got literally everything I need a gas canister, he's got that If I need a drill, he's got one of those Yeah, and what did you use that gas canister and drill for? The gas canister was for a video that you were actually in It was one of those flamethrower gas canisters. Yeah. The drill? Let me guess. It was for a video. Another video, yeah. DIY has never really been sort of like a huge thing in the Thompson household.

4:23Well, no. Well, I mean, it has, just not done by you because your builders have lived there for the past seven years. So why would you need to do any DIY when you have sort of a living army of builders who just do everything for you? But you've never been to like a big DIY shop? No, I have been B &Q. You've been B &Q? I've been B &Q, yeah. Wonderful. Tell me about B &Q. Well, actually, interestingly enough, getting a barbecue from B &Q soon. Oh, I mean, that is exciting. Why are we choosing B &Q? You do know that they don't just do barbecues. Well, I know, but I'm just going there to go and pick up a barbecue.

4:59Just a little joke, Sam, but we can move on. Oh, right, sorry. What does B &Q stand for? Right, I thought it may be barbecues and queens. so I'm going to I'm going to go and pick up barbecue because the ones that I've been looking at are just too expensive so I'm going to go and get one from being they are they're so madly expensive a barbecue if you want a good one is fucking wild yeah like how much five grand the one I wanted and I was like do you know what I don't even barbecue that much well yeah I mean because every week you go to Ryan's next door I know yeah that's the one I wanted Oh, you want that one?

5:39Yeah. Oh, why? Because it's fucking great. I want to have bar. I've got no one to, like, invite round. No, you don't. Listen, don't put yourself down, man. We all saw you out with your mates for your birthday. No one's coming round for a barbecue. I've realised that as well. I'm like, I was going to, like, do the whole garden up. I was like, realistically, I don't know, I'll just be doing barbecues on my own. So I was like, it's not like I'm going to fucking do it much. You're never free. Did you, when you went to Tesco this morning, did you pick up a little baby violin for Sam? I don't know. I couldn't see it.

6:09You didn't? I'm just going to buy a£200 barbecue that does the job. All right. Well, I mean, to be honest here, you do get a lot of use out of it. Were you, you know, because a couple of times a week you like to entertain and cook a couple of steaks. So will you be doing that on the barbecue now? I would love to do that. Well, there you go. So you actually do have a lot of people to be doing it with. I mean, granted, each week it's different. But still, nice. Nice barbecue. Lovely. Toolkit. You mentioned you want a toolkit. I would love a fucking tall kit. I just want, and a medikit. Oh, I imagine you've got one of them.

6:42No, I don't. I'd love a medical kit, a medical supply kit. If there was anyone to have a first aid kit, it would be you. No, I don't. And I really want one. I keep having to go to fucking Louise and Ryan's every time I need a plaster. I feel like they're kid. I imagine they feel the same. I wear dinosaur plasters. And even I am like, this is too. How often do you need a plaster? Weirdly, I've been there four times in the past, like two weeks for a plaster. For what? That. Well, it's healed a little bit now, but that was really bad. I got the Art of Gladiator. That was savage. There's nothing there.

7:13It was healed a little bit, but I got rope burn. It peeled all my hand skin off. So I kept them going to the Ryans for a plaster. I was literally filming the other day and cut my hand on a fucking knife and just carried on filming with blood dripping down me. I've never had a plaster. Why do you have four plasters in a week? When was the last time you put a plaster on? I actually don't know, to be honest. Sorry, Sam, I actually don't know. I had to put a plaster on. There's nothing wrong with putting a plaster on. I don't understand. It's just a fucking plaster. Four in a week is a lot. No, it's excessive.

7:44Put a little bit of germline on there as well. Oh, and do you do it? You said, do you get Louise to do it? Ryan did it for me. What? You know, we did man-made and you went, do you feel like you're a man?

8:01Fucking hell. Ryan cleaned my wound for me out of his medibag and then put a dinosaur plaster on my hand. I'm 33. Did you get a lollipop? No, I didn't. But then Leo, my nephew, came in and went, oh, Uncle Sam's got a boo-boo. And the worst thing I just remembered is he went, it gets worse. I went, it's her. I went, it's her tea. And he went, no, it's fine. Even he knew it was all right. Fucking hell. Oh, fuck. Right, so, all right. Well, I mean, it sounds like you need a little first aid kit. So maybe we can look into that. Can we get Sam a personalised little first aid kit? I'd love that. And then I do actually want a toolkit as well.

8:42I want a drill, screwdriver, Allen keys. I mean, you literally started this sentence with, I don't really do any DIY in the house. I want one just for the sake of having it. What, just sort of wear it to? Just if I need a drill. Wear it to the pear tree. If I need a drill. If I need a drill, it's there. Yeah. I mean, what sort of thing might you drill? Anything that has a screw in it. Right. I'll start drilling some screws. You're going to drill some screws? Drill some screws. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anything else you think you need, like an angle grinder or anything like that? What the fuck is an angle grinder?

9:16Yeah. Chainsaw. I fucking love a chain. No, what I'd really like, actually, is a sledgehammer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they come in useful. Yeah, I would absolutely love a sledgehammer. I'd love one right now.

9:31What might you use a sledgehammer for? I want to knock down the wall between mine and Louise and Ryan's. Right. Yeah, no, no, no. Yeah, that makes an awful lot of sense. I don't want to film it. I want to do a video where I knock the walls out. Yeah. Yeah. I imagine they'll love that as well. Yeah, I would do it. Do you know what? Wait, do it this weekend. I'll take you to get a sledgehammer this afternoon and I will watch as you knock Ryan's wall down, you know, because I just, what a great bit of content. And we'll have it all on film. It'd be brilliant. All right, okay, all right. So you want a toolkit.

10:09So these are things that we, I think we should maybe look into kind of getting Sam, because you can never be too prepared. Yeah, no, absolutely not. And I imagine giving you a toolkit will mean that you'll actually need, And just by sort of, we'll just follow through. You will need a medical kit after we get you a tall crew. No, I think you are right. I'm just looking at this next one. I'm fine with saying, I've never been on a Megabus. Sounds like a Transformer. Have you ever been? Megabus. Yeah. Have you ever been on a bus? Yeah, Lowe's. 295. Oh, 295. Where did that take you? Down the market?

10:48No, it took me down to Clapham. Down to, yeah. The old 205, down to Clapham. 22, up the Kings Road. Number 11, down Fulham Road. How often did you get kind of buses? You've been on a night bus. That's a good one. Wait, what? Do you sleep on it like Harry Potter? No. You know, like the buses that run through the night in London? Of course I have. If I've ever had a night out when I was younger, and I'd get on the bus and go, where did you go when you were younger that wasn't walking distance from Fulham? I don't think you need a bus back from Raffles. I genuinely have taken the night bus. And how was that for you?

11:22You survived it, which I think is a surprise to everyone here, joined by Kira and I's reaction to that. What's the mega bus? Mega bus, basically. The tunes. It sounds like there'd be tunes on it. Yeah, no, it's just a bus. It's just mega. They go like cross country. It's really cheap, basically. Mega bus. And then what are they? So it's just like different to taking the train. It's a bit like, what's the version? It's kind of like our version of what they have in America. Greyhound, isn't it? coach trip is it greyhounds the one they call it in America you know that go kind of cross country and they're really cheap and people get the coaches and that megabus is kind of a similar thing isn't it here it goes kind of cross country and you do long distance it's just really fucking cheap you can get like from here to fucking Scotland for like I don't know 25 pence and a sock and a sock and a sock maybe not that cheap I feel like I'm over selling megabus there but then really long kind of shitty buses I feel bad now just in case they want sponsor us.

12:18Megabus. We should go on a Megabus trip. No, fucking it's awful. They stink and the people are rotten. But never done that, no? No, have you done a Megabus? Done a Megabus. Have you? Yeah, I've done a Megabus. Have you been on the Megabus? I, actually a couple of times on a Megabus. The funniest one was trying to fly into Heathrow and then being diverted because it was terrible. I must have been about 18, 19. Terrible winds. couldn't fucking land anywhere near London because it was all fucking fucked. Manchester, because of the winds and it had been going for so long, was full up the airport. So they landed us in fucking Glasgow or something.

12:55And then I couldn't get a flight until the next evening, but I needed to be back. So I got a mega bus through the night. That was some experience. What were the sights? I don't know because I was hiding under a blanket just hoping not to be stabbed, pissed on or punched.

13:17that was a fucking experience that you tell me. I'll tell you what, the next one is a Ryanair easy jet. Now Pete talking about experiences knows that we have, I have been on many Ryanair, many an easy jet. There was one time where I was, and we have said this years ago on the podcast, but I will reiterate where I was lying on Pete's lap after getting food poisoning at the back of a easy jet flight from Glasgow and, and then shat all over the loose whilst throwing up after a bad oyster. at the airport. No, no, no, I'm sorry. No, don't even, it was. It was food poisoning. Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam. I'm sorry, you are a compulsive liar.

13:56Compulsive. Let me tell you the story, as I have done a number of times. I mean, if you are an OG of the podcast, this may be the 15th time you've heard it, but it is a great story. Sam and I went to do a PA, got hammered. We both ate exactly the same, and yet Sammy had a dicky tummy. so threw up everywhere then shat himself hold on gets worse don't you just love this new studio do you know what I don't normally agree with you but on this occasion I do I genuinely love it we've got house plants we've got furniture I love the chairs I want to get some real plants I feel like next we're not going to get real plants why because I don't trust you to look after yourself let alone a plant I've got a mister at home okay what's his name it's a mister for the leaves right got ya Yeah, okay, excellent.

14:45No, I genuinely think I think the studio is perfect. But do you know what else is perfect? Go on. Oh, I don't know, your hair, my vest that I'm wearing. Your guns. My guns? Yeah, no, no. No? Absolutely not. My barnet? No, it's that every day we are collecting avios for things in the studio, things that have been brought into the studio. And you know what that means, Sam. Yeah, I do. It's Vegas, baby. Come on. So just a quick recap. We've been challenged by Avios to collect enough Avios over the year so that we can take the whole podcast and the team to Vegas. I didn't think we were going to actually be able to do it.

15:28Why? I just didn't. And now I'm nervous. We are at 50%. So we've hit the halfway mark. We've hit the halfway mark. I mean, you did the challenge recently. What was the halfway mark like for you there? It's pretty tough. It's pretty tough. The last half is always the hardest, but we are doing it. So we're on the way. We're on the way, man. So, Pete, just don't get annoyed. You have to promise to not be annoyed by this, okay? Because the reason we're actually, we're making it to 50%. Whenever you tell me not to get annoyed by something, it means that I'm going to be. No, you don't know that. So it hasn't just been us collecting.

15:58It has been the team. Right. They have gone a little bit wild. But I actually got a drill from Wix Online. Who on earth gave Sam a power drill? Oh, that's got some oomph to it. Put the drill down. Drill's going away. Look, normally I'd be quite angry because a lot of these things I haven't okayed. But if it's sending us to Vegas, I don't mind. So we've got a drill. What else have we got? Well, I actually bought this one for you before we get onto the team. We've got some booze. Some booze? We bought some booze, baby. That I don't mind. It's from the wine flyer. Oh, I love wine. What did we get?

16:32Red, white, a bit of rosé. Oh, lovely. Prosecco, presumably that's for Annalise, is it? Wonderful. And champagne. To toast the new studio and us as best friends. Oh, this is going to go everywhere. And potentially lovers because we've basically got a place to get. Not lovers. I'd like to make that really clear. Not lovers. Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam. Have you ever opened champagne? I don't think you should be doing this. Three, two. No, don't ping it. Don't ping it. Don't ping, mate. There is expensive lights, Sam. Oh! Well, that was nearly another trip down to Curry's to get some lights. You okay there?

17:07Did you have fun? Did that go how you thought it would? Vegas, baby! Any future plans? Is there anything else we still need? Because I don't mind the spending if it's going to get us to Vegas. Well, I mean, this is where the team come in. Guys, what have you bought? And don't be nervous of Pete. We're fine. To be honest, mate, what haven't we bought? There we go. Oh, Josh. Well, first of all, I realised towards the end of the build that we weren't actually going to get an edit suite. We were just going to get a table to stand out by the window. So I bought desk, two computers, two monitors, the lot.

17:42Seats, presumably? Oh, yes. Two of those as well. Two of those. Wonderful. I feel like that's thousands. So is Josh on his own got us to 50 %? Has he? Okay, Josh. Listen, do you know what? I'm going to allow it. It's fine. We're going to Vegas. And where'd you get that from, Josh? Curry's online. Wonderful. Did you get anything from me specifically? Not specifically for you, but for your business. Hey, there he is. He words it well, doesn't he, Josh? I like what you've done there. Ladies, what have you bought? When I got Samson makeup the other day. Lovely. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Nice. Hannah and Galena, what did you get?

18:17I did get a mini fridge for you, Pete. Wonderful. What's in the mini fridge? Have you stocked it? All of that. All of the wine. All of the wine. I like it. See? See, I like this. For the business. Yeah, I get it. For me specifically, currently my favourite. You're such a sucker. Go on, Hannah. Hannah the Hawk, what have you got? A 75-inch TV. That is true, because that's already hung up. Yeah. That is already hung up. Tari's online again, that one. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like you nicked it from Odeon. It is so... Did we need a 75-inch TV? I think so. Oh, all right then. Okay, excellent. How am I being told how we're spending our money?

18:51This is great, isn't it? Really nice. Really enjoying it. All right, well, this is good news. That's the spirit, Pete. We've got you on board. For once, I'm happy. I'm happy because it means I get to go to Vegas. And we've got to get there. I'm going to be honest, Joe. Normally I'd be quite angry about this stuff, but I do really want to go to Vegas and I've got a feeling we might be able to do this now if we carry on this way. I mean, don't go mad. We just need to get to Vegas. Don't worry, guys. And then once we've hit Vegas, it doesn't mean that you can all just carry on spending witty-nilly.

19:19Because then when we go to Vegas, it's game day. It's twerking. I mean, I'll be doing twerking. We're not twerking. Yeah, we, gosh darn are. Getter, on decks, us, twerking. Maybe doing a couple of handstands in the pool parties. You've kind of made me lose all interest again. No, no, don't say that. Come on, Pete. Anyway, we've got to make sure that we're collecting the Avios through the things we do every day, and we are getting close to that total. That is correct. We are getting close, which means Sam can do some twerking, which is very odd. I don't think anyone wants to see that, but I'm sure you will.

19:51So keep following us on our journey to Vegas. And if you want your everyday to pay for your holiday, you can start collecting now. All you've got to do is search Avios. T's and C's do apply. we get back to the airport uh stance did i believe um both of our cars were there um separately obviously um so i went right well i'm off then and he went you can't leave me like this i mean what do you mean well i've got to get back to chelsea from here i was like yeah what do you want me to fucking do about it and he went oh well i fucking can't believe this what sam had to do was firstly shit in the car park, but obviously there was no toilet paper.

20:32He then had to pull over on his way back to Chelsea on the side of the road, shit himself, and then wipe his little bottom with a leaf. Or socks, was it? It was socks. Socks. He then drove back to Chelsea, full cock out on the seats. No trousers, I believe. Is that right? Because he'd shit himself. I shat behind a bush in Stansted Airport car park, and there was one bush. I was sort of cowering behind it, and there was a car with a guy and a girl in it, and she went, that's Sam Thompson. As I'm crouched, and I swear to God they filmed it. I'm so surprised it hasn't seen the light of day, and I'm behind a bush throwing up and shitting at the same time, and I'm like, oh, and I turn around.

21:21They go, that's Sam Thompson. I'm just like, oh, my God, my trousers are down my ankles, and I'm throwing up all over the place. It was so bad. And when we were on the easy jet flight, I had the woman, the air hostess, knocking on the door and I was doing the exact same thing in there. It was so, so bad. And I've never actually followed through before. And I was in the car. That was the first time, was it? Yeah, that was the first time. I mean, I've literally got pictures of you shitting yourself in bed. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That was bad.

21:55Right, and how about the time where you thought you'd be really funny and moony me and actually you had shit all up your back and wiped his arsehole? Shit all the way up. You can't. You can't start throwing things like that around. Right, okay, all right. Am I wrong? I didn't have shit all up my back. Sam, it was as high up as your shoulder blade. Mental behaviour. Anyway, this is a good one because you've seen me do it. Tesco meal deal. I've had a Tesco meal deal. Yeah, all right. Okay, all right. Oh, God. Have you ever changed your own duvet cover? Yeah, I've got a fucking good way of doing it as well.

22:36So, what do you do? I'm going to be honest with you just on that one. Not something I do. Yeah, but I pull the inside out of the duvet, then go in to the duvet, and with the inside out. You go in yourself. Yeah, go into the duvet. And I guarantee you, even when you're on, you pretend to be a ghost. Yeah. Do it with a cat. Beanie Bubbles and Dickface the Cats. Dickface the Cats. I don't know. They've all got new names. One of them's called Carton by the looks of it. They're called Juice. Juice, that's it. Oh, fuck you, Peter. All right, okay. Fuck you. What about, I mean, I imagine you've probably done this during the PA years.

23:14Premier Inn or Travel Lodge? Both. I've done both. Premier Inn. Yeah, okay. Why is that? Beds, nicer beds? Nicer. This is a better one than that. is a service station hotel, something like a Days Inn. No, I've never done a Days Inn. Do you know what? The only time you've done a Days Inn is when you've got a chick and you're literally like, well, there's nowhere else to go. They're going to have to go to a Days Inn. Yeah. That must be one hell of a walk of shame afterwards, coming out of a Days Inn service station and being like, oh, God. It's not normally a problem, though, because pretty much everyone is there for the same reason.

23:54no one makes any eye contact no one talks to each other it's just a lot of people who are feeling guilty, feeling slightly ashamed of themselves and who know they should be doing better but you know we've just accepted that we're all gutter rats they'll be there next weekend yeah it's terrible when the staff start to wreck the same room sir but yeah okay so you've done that what about do you do any of your, because I know you do some cooking what about washing 75 of women who seek menopause care don't receive it the lying awake at 3 a.m wondering what's happening to your body ends now midi is virtual care built for women in perimenopause and menopause with clinicians who specialize in women's health plus it's covered by most major insurances getting started is easy you can book your first visit with a clinician right Midlife needs MIDI.

24:50Visit joinmidi.com to book your first visit today. That's joinmidi.com. Insurance coverage varies. Check with your plan for coverage. Who says Halloween only lasts one day? With Wayfair, one night of Halloween becomes a whole season at home. From larger-than-life yard decor and moody lighting to festive accents for every room in the house, Wayfair has what you need to make Halloween feel like magic all in one place. because the best Halloween memories aren't made in just one night. They're made all season long. Shop Halloween decor now at Wayfair.com. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R.com. Wayfair, every style, every home.

25:28I'm Hannah. I've lost 75 pounds in 20 months with GLP-1s, plus diet and exercise. On Roe, I've gone from struggling to run a mile to running farther every day. You can access FDA-approved GLP-1s online. Get the support you need to reach your weight loss goals. Go to row.co slash weight to see if you qualify. I'm a paid row partner. 20 % average weight loss in one year in non-diabetics with obesity or overweight with a weight-related medical condition versus 3.1 % in placebo arm. Rx only. To stay informed about serious side effects, go to row.co slash safety.

26:02Yeah, do laundry. I mean, obviously, I do have Josie. I do have a cleaner. So, you know, she's great. She's coming back, which is great. Oh, round of applause for Josie. long standing so Josie you've probably heard her speak about before but she has been Sam's nanny for the past 10 years or so it's got to be about 10 years has it? she's been with us for about 4 years is it only 4 years? 4 years yeah fucking hell she's like part of the furniture she is still haven't forgiven her she helps me look after the cats a lot as well good old Josie how is that being a full time cat dad single cat dad single full time cat dad do you know what I will say this harder than I thought it would be yeah it's responsibility it is and you know like because obviously we go away for work and because obviously back then we chaired the cats so obviously like there's always someone to look after them but when it's you on your own and you feel so guilty if you leave them for too long so yeah it's hard because you've always got to get someone to come around and look after them so people stay at my house well to look after the cats so like they're not alone yeah it's actually quite a tough being a single cat dad it's also fucking expensive is it?

27:09yeah mate Cat food, toys, treats. It's mad. But, you know, they were my responsibility and I'll take them. God, do you know what? Not all heroes wear capes. No, they do not. Honestly. They're my little boys. What a guy. They're my boys. You know, this is the sort of man that, you know, people should want to marry. I mean, to take on that responsibility at such a young age. Yeah, and to bring them up like that and raise them the way you have done. They have been raised well. They get a combing. They get a brushings once a week. No, honestly, you're an inspiration. They get nail clips. You're an inspiration to us all because not a lot of people would have done that, man.

27:47But you stepped up when you needed to. And, you know, as they get older and, you know, I think they'll really appreciate what you did for them. You know, the sacrifices you've made. No, none of them appreciate it. They just shout at me when they're hungry. That's because they're fucking cats.

28:07Right. Go on, you can do the next one. Hi, team. I want to do something nice for Sam. Oh, it's nice. I want to do something nice for Sam to say thank you for being such an inspiration. Well, she's heard about you being a kind of a single cat dad. I have adopted a goat from Buttercup's Goat Sanctuary so that now you and Pete can both be goat dads. The gift certificate has been sent to your favourite hello email address. The podcast is a highlight of my week. Thank you so much both for always making me smile. Have fun being goat parents together. Obviously, you're both already dads of Rose and Olive, of course, never forgetting them.

28:40That is one of the nicest things. That's from Fiona. Thanks, Fiona. Mine's going to be called Bolognese. Eh? So there you go. So Sam has named his goat Bolognese. And then Bolognese. Eh? Bolognese, Lord of the Rings character. Fuck, mate. Yeah, yeah, Bolognese. Yeah, so you'll be able to tell which goats are ours. Mine's called Neville. Yeah. And Sam is called fucking Bolognese. Bolognese. Yeah, Bolognese. So look out for them. I mean, obviously I've been to see Neville. I need to go and see Boromir. Well, I think you should, yeah, you should go down. You should go down and see Boromir. Oh my God, should we do that?

29:19I'd love to do that. I've got a bit more time now. I'd love to. I don't. Yeah, I was going to say. But maybe you should pop down with a team and go and see Boromir. There's also a baby Pete and a baby Yovita there. Where's the baby Sam? I mean, you weren't there, so they just named two after me and Yovita. Well, we'd better go and get a baby Sam. If there's some babies there, I don't think it's the time for the babies. We're not lambing at the moment. No, no, no. Or goating. Goating. We're not goating at the moment. What do you call a baby goat? Kid. Not kidding. Kidding. No one's kidding at the moment.

29:47Hey, hey. Fucking hell. No wonder you tune in every week. Well, that's exciting. So not only are you a single cat dad, but you're now added to that and you're now part of a blended family because you have just taken on a goat. You should be very proud of me. I'm incredibly proud to you. Honestly, I look at you in awe the way you brought up them cats and I just know that Bolognese is going to have a wonderful life now because he couldn't have got a better father. I mean, effectively, you're adopting him. It's not like the other two who you gave birth to and they are your kind of birthright children.

30:30This is a new one. How do you think you're going to get on being kind of stepdad? They're going to have to get along. That's the first thing, I suppose. But we'll wait and see. I'll be at the goat sanctuary momentarily and I'll be there seeing little Boromir. That's very sweet of Fiona though. I really do appreciate that. That is lovely. Thank you. We're all going to look forward to, maybe you could take Baked Bean and Carton for a walk down there and you could get them to meet Bolognese and all three of you could have like a family picture. Could do it for the Christmas card this year. Well, talking about Christmas actually, this might be the right time to announce it.

31:03We were thinking, Peter, just gonna gonna just test the waters here um we think you're doing a christmas single okay going for christmas number one yeah how do you feel um i godspeed guys i wish you the best of luck it'd be me and you it won't be how do you feel about it um i think that explanation of it won't be why why because we can't sing and i don't want to fucking tune me oh yeah because that went well last time the last fucking thing was just diarrhea that was great that's great um so we're just thinking about that guys we're gonna do a little christmas and a single we're gonna try and get to number one beat lad baby that'd be fucking amazing yeah um we've not started anything got a song or any equipment or anyone to do it and um but but we'll handle that yeah don't worry in the next two months we haven't got much going on so we should be out fitting a christmas single as well let us know we'll do a poll would you like to see us do a Christmas single and try and get to number one.

32:05Yeah, I like this. I like it when we do these polls and then we never talk about them again. Just for us to kind of get some feedback, really. But yeah, great. Let's do a poll for it. Well, Pete, also about talking about you earlier saying that you were looking up to me being a single cat dad. Talking about looking up or sideways, should we say. We have finally got a bedazzled eye patch sent to us from Lauren who emailed in about sending them. How do you feel? about one of these, Pete, to correct the old Wonkerson. Yeah, great. Give me another one as well so I can't see what's happening. I'll wear it with you in solidarity.

32:43So she's not made it then. No, she's bejazzled then, though. So with a Playboy bunny? Yeah. And what's that? It was his dollar sign. So she hasn't made these, I don't think. I don't understand why. Already picking it apart, isn't he? She's done something real nice. Sorry, I should be more thankful for the fucking gift for my wonky eye. Thanks so much, darling. I really appreciate it.

33:11This is what you're actually going to have to do. This is wild, not being able to see from this eye. This is mental. I'm used to it. Mate, this is fucking intense. Lovely. Bloody hell. Thanks ever so much, whoever this is. God, wow. It is. Lauren. Thank you, Lawrence. Just the two? Or do I have more of a range to pick from? No, we quite like the Playboy by one, if that's okay. Yeah, yeah, of course. Unlike me to ever get a choice. Yeah, no, really happy with the... I'll be wearing this. You should see this on a red carpet soon. In fact, I might include it in the NTA's red carpet. So, Lawrence, thank you, darling.

33:54I really appreciate that. Merch, should we do this? It's so good. I can't fucking see. No. It's quite uncomfortable as well, aren't they? Do you have to do... Is this actually what you had to do as a kid? No, not this piece of shit. There was nicer ones. They're quite soft, some of them. And they're actually nice. But yeah, this is exactly... Literally what I had to do to correct it. That is wild. You're actually supposed to put it on the good eye, though. Yeah, so the bad one has a bit of like... Yeah, so the bad one corrects itself. That's basically what you're supposed to do. Why are you taking your zorre?

34:30Because it's quite uncomfortable. It is incredibly uncomfortable. I think we've got the shot, haven't we? I feel like a bit of a villain right now. Part of me feels quite cool. Really? Yeah. I mean, it's especially cool, yeah, with the sunglasses on the fringe and the eye patch and the constant blinking. Nothing says cool like that, I'll be honest with you. It's the autism.

34:54Autism and an eye patch. Fuck, man. Between the two of us. Fucking hell. We're not doing very well, are we? Oh, my God. Should we do question time before I fucking die? Question time. Let's get it on. Pete's got his head in his hands again. I love it when we get to the stage where Pete's got his head in his hands. Question time. We do it every week on the socials at Staying Relevant Podcast, and this is your chance to ask us anything. So we've got five pointless questions that we can run through here. The first up, have we decided our O2 outfits? I actually haven't. Do you?

35:34Sort of. What are you going to wear? Black. But then obviously I need to wear something that is appropriate for another part of the show as well. So it's a bit difficult. That's a very good point. What should I wear, do you think? What would you like me in as a co-host? Mate, I think you should be in a suit and tie. This is a big, it's going to be a big night. All right, fuck it. Suit and tie it is. Let's do it. Yeah, yeah, big night. exciting time as well because we're getting closer we had a big meeting about it last week so yeah it's going to be it's going to be good Sam do you want to read that shit out there well also we need to I think probably say that we have and we can't believe this we have sold so many fucking tickets that we have now opened up more space in the O2 so if you want to be sat at the back for a reduced price then you are more than welcome let me let me try and sell this you better um um firstly um the price is the same um so there aren't going to be about 1200 tickets available that is literally all there is going to be left uh roughly around that amount um and so it's going to be first come first served uh they are they're up in the clouds guys They are up in the clouds.

36:51So... Bring your BYOB. Bring your own binoculars. Exactly. Get them out. It probably takes the eye patch out. It helps with the binoculars. God, it's weird having two eyes again. But yes, so there are going to be some tickets available. So there is still time. And listen, in all honesty, as much as they are up in the fucking clouds, you know, buy them for someone you don't like, just so it's... Because it's one of them. listen I got your tickets and they'll go oh thank you so much they won't really notice until they get there that you can't see anything but you've done a good deed but you still would be I see stuff huge screens everything's there atmosphere's gonna be amazing fucking buy the tickets because you're gonna be getting hammered I won't be drinking but Sam is gonna get hammered I'm gonna be getting hammered yep there's a reason by the way that Pete won't be drinking and there's a reason that Sam will be yeah both of those are true statements as well which is amazing we're getting fucking closer we actually had a little read through or a run through last week and put it this way it's going to be epic and even if you're at the back it's going to be great you're going to love it we've got big screens Pete said bring your binoculars bring your bins yeah yeah definitely bring glasses and for anyone listening who is of my affliction oh bring your own eye patches no just don't come if you have got bad eyes don't bother it's a long way off O2's a big place.

38:16We're quite small. Also, there is a theme for the O2. And it's anything starting with S and P. So that's for the dress code. Anything that starts with S or P. We've left it as vague as humanly possible for you. Anything that starts with S and P. Is that right? Could be a salmon. Could be a sprinkler. Could be a penis. Please come as a sprinkler or a penis. That would be so... If you walk in as a penis... You could come as a shit. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. The theme is shits and penises. That is the theme for the O2. If people come in, if you come in dressed as a shit or a penis, you're getting a free drink.

38:57And again, much like a lot of Sam's other claims, that also won't be happening. We won't be giving out free drinks at all. But, you know, just still come as a cock. Sorry, not a cock, a penis. Come as a penis. Yeah, yeah. Any other... I mean, if you were coming as an S or a P, what would you come as? Well, I'd probably come as a sparrow. Yeah. I was a sparrow, to be fair. Yeah. Quite fun. Bird. Nice. Yeah, don't worry about me. I know what you're wearing, black. Carry on. You're wearing black. thanks for listening to staying relevant um we may or may not be back next week uh it depends to be honest we can probably use four weeks worth out of this um so i might have a little fucking holiday um ta-da have a wonderful bonus episode day we love you so much this has been a staying relevant production Who says Halloween only lasts one day?

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42:42We are going to be playing Snog Marry Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. and possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.