Grime Gran’s Dating Advice to Pete

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1:48Spout of? I've got yo. I've got yo. Welcome to Staying Relevant, the podcast hosted by me, Pete Wicks, and normally Sam Thompson. But for this special bonus episode, we've got Margie Grime-Grann is staying with us. If you haven't listened to the main episode, which came out on Monday, then what the fuck is wrong with you? As you can imagine, there's going to be lots of swearing in this. If you don't like it, go f*** yourself. This is the bonus episode. So if you're able to watch this on Sunday on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5pm and Monday's main episode which came out with Margie is now available on YouTube from 5pm as of last night Wednesday so that means you can catch us on a Monday Wednesday Thursday Sunday and they're well trained how do you remember all them lines to fucking say I forget I've done about 200 episodes now do you know what I mean it's like it's autopilot make sure you rate review do all of that sort of stuff follow us on YouTube subscribe because otherwise Josh isn't getting paid if you want a feature in the bonus episode then make sure you email us on the worst email address in the world hello at srproductions.co.uk right so the bonus episode is a chance for people to ask you some questions we get emails and we get all sorts of stuff come in are you ready?

3:08I'm ready so this is like advice advice and I feel like you're the perfect person for this okay first email hey Pete and Grime Graham Obsessed you have her on the pod, by the way. She is my idol. Oh, bless. I know neither of you are exactly social media experts. Fucking rude. But I've really been enjoying people reviewing and rating different Easter eggs on TikTok. Please can you rate one of the M &S ones for me in your best influencer style? Thanks. Love you both. And Sam from Emmy. Right. Have you seen this kind of, you know, we spoke about the kind of food rating. Yeah, yeah. So we're coming up to Easter.

3:47People rate different Easter eggs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So we're going to rate an Easter egg. It's a special one. It's a Picasso. It's from M &S. Yeah. Your favourite. Yeah. Yeah. It's called The Big Daddy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you had this before? No, I've not had it, but I have heard good about it. Because I know a few people that have tried it, and they said it's really good. All right. Well, we're going to give this a go. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm already slightly disappointed. Oh, you are? Well, it's called the Big Daddy. It's only half a fucking Easter egg. How do you call it the Big Daddy and you don't even get a full egg?

4:24But look, could you eat a Big Fucking Daddy? You'd feel sick halfway through it. I'll be honest with you. Out of the two of us, it ain't me that's going to be eating a Big Daddy. Oh, it's me. Well, you know, you said it. Right, are you ready for this? So it's a loaded half egg with creamy milk chocolate, caramel and pistachio chunks, caramel pieces and roasted pistachio pieces. There's a lot in it. Quite a lot in it. Quite a lot, isn't there? All right, so let's start with the packaging. How do you feel about the packaging? Could have done that a bit better, though, couldn't they? It doesn't...

4:54Don't look... No, it ain't screaming by me. And it ain't screaming expensive. No, but it is. You know what I mean? But it is. Well, it's M &S, darling, isn't it? You know? Right, there's a lot in it. Visually, how does that appeal to you? Just hold it there for you. Not at all looking at it like that. It don't look great either, does it? And I've heard good reviews on that. People said... They're so bit taste better than it looks. Well, if I see it looking like that, I wouldn't buy it. What's the aesthetic for an Easter egg that you like? Well, I like it to be covered over with gold or whatever.

5:29Yeah. And a little bit more better looking box. Yeah, and a full fucking egg. Yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? But you're paying quite a lot for that. Well, I mean, it's heavy. Do you want to feel the weight of it? Is it? Yeah, go on, have a little feel of the weight of it. Oh yeah it is There's a fair bit of weight behind it See but I don't like all the chunk of chocolates On it like that What's your favourite egg? To be honest I don't think you can beat a Cadbury egg Yeah Like dairy milk Oh yeah I like this one with a twirl Oh I like a twirl Have you had an orange twirl? I like a twirl Maybe we'll have a little twirl after this I don't know if you know but I was professionally trained Yeah So, aesthetically, it doesn't look great.

6:13No. So, should we do the taste test? I mean, I don't know how you dig into it. It's quite an odd one to... Normally, what I'd do is you smash the egg, don't you? Because it's in the foil. Well, you can't smash this. It's fucking rock hard. No. Do you want me to have a go? Here, go on. Come on, give us a go at this. Huh? Well, where am I supposed to fucking break it? I'll be honest with you, Bo. My hands have been worse places than hers, trust me. Right. Are you ready for this? We're just going to go for an half. Oh, there's a little bit of egg at the back. Look, the shell of it. Take a bit of that off.

6:51That should have been at the front. It would have looked better. Well, I'm just going to give you a whole... Well, I'm sure I ain't going to fucking eat that much. You ain't got to do the whole thing, darling. Just give it a little... I'll tell you what, just nibble the end of it. That's it feeding for you. Get your mouth around that, Uncle. Yeah. Just have a little nibble on the tip. Sorry, Bo. It's like Ryan Gosling all over again, isn't it?

7:17No, I wouldn't... There's a lot going on, isn't there? Yeah, I wouldn't exactly give it a big rating. No. I don't know what the people who told me it was nice. There's something wrong with them, isn't there? Is there too much going on with it? Yeah. Do you want me to take that off you? I just like an egg. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With a few twirls in it, or buttons. Oh, buttons. I like a button and all... I like that. To be honest with you, so if we were going to give that a rating out of 10... I'd only give it about a four, Pete, to be honest. Oh, fuck me, yeah, that's bad. Yeah, I would, because I can't say, oh, that's nice.

7:54No. I can't even taste the potassium a lot, can you? Well, I've got it all caught in my fucking teeth. There's a lot going on with that, isn't there? I'd sooner be catching your fucking teeth than mine, because mine would come out.

8:07Oh, fucking hell. Matt, what do you rate it? To be honest with you, it's got some of my favourite things in it. I love pistachio. Love a bit of caramel. It's not coming through very well, is it? No, and also, chocolate, a little bit rich for me. Yeah, it wouldn't be my choice. I'm with you. Cadbury. Yeah. How do you feel about Galaxy? I don't mind Galaxy, but... A bit creamy. Cadbury is my favourite. I always buy Cadburys. Dark chocolate, milk chocolate, what do you like? Mum, my daughter loves dark chocolate. It's supposed to be very good for you and all dark chocolate. Is it? Why? I don't know.

8:41They just say it's good for you. All right. Well, is that the same people that told you that egg was fucking good? No, that's my opinion. Right. So, Emmy, it's a four out of ten for us on the Big Daddy. Not great. We're both choking now. No, yeah. On pistachio and fucking mixed chocolate. Could be the end of the podcast. Jesus fucking Christ. I'm going to cough up a lung in a minute. Oh, God. Right. But, oh. My son had gone wrong with that one. Yeah, not good. The next thing, I think we've gotten quite well, you and I. We have. This might fuck it. I'm going to apologise in advance. Gran, I know you're a big Arsenal fan.

9:25Yeah. And even infamously told Spurs to fuck off. How do you feel that Pete was seen at the Spurs Arsenal game I'm a Spurs fan You're a Spurs fan? Well I should have bought a shed load of fucking shit cake for you then shouldn't I? It was all going so well I'll go in Greggs and Bo will tell you I don't even ask for it I'll point to it I can't bear to say Tottenham So I'll point to it Shit cake Shit cake If you were going to right listen Arsenal doing very well at the minute. If you were going to give an Arsenal team talk, what would you do? You better fucking win this one because we've waited a little while for it.

10:12So this email's from a fellow gooner. It's from a geezer called Greg and he wants to hear you straight down the barrel of the lens give a little team talk to the Arsenal team now. Well, look, boys, we're all fucking rooting for you. You've fucked about for a few years. Now get on and do the job and bring it home. I think that was very good.

10:36I don't know why they don't have you as a manager on Soccer Aid. Oh, could you imagine? Yeah, I can. I'd be having rounds on that. I'd be having rounds on that. Our very own Sam is playing in Soccer Aid. Oh, is he? Big Chelsea fan. It's his third year. Hopefully this year he's going to touch the ball on the pitch because the past three years he's been running around like a fucking headless chicken. We're hoping he's going to score. We're going to work on a celebration. Yeah, we're going to work on a little celebration for him. Please go, Sam. Do your best. How do you feel about Sam whilst he's not here?

11:04I mean, do you know much about Sam? Well, I used to watch him on Chelsea because I still watch that. I love it. Oh, you love Chelsea? I love it, yeah. Okay. Because I always think Posh meets Cockney. Yeah, nice. Yeah, east and west, isn't it? Yeah, and I used to always watch him on it. And when he was in the jungle, we was rooting for him. We was, yeah. I like his personality. Do you? Yeah. At least one of us. I know it probably gets on your nerves. But I like his personality. I would love to see you and him interacting. Oh, could you imagine? Well, because he was with me when we met the Brits.

11:39Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A couple of years ago. But he got up and walked out because he felt quite awkward because apparently the tension between you and I was too much. Little jealous fucker. Tell me about it. I know. He's always been like that. Right. We've now got some questions for you that have come in. So our set here is covered in these little toys. Do you know what they are? No. Right, so these toys here are called jelly cats. Jelly cats? Yeah. It's basically, jelly cats are like this, I'm going to say phenomenon,

12:15for, I would say, supposed children, because they're toys, but what they are for is pathetic, sad adults. Oh, yeah. She collects them. Yeah. To the point where in Selfridges, they actually opened a fish and chips van because they're all based around like you've got a kettlebell there. What else have we got here? There's a chest of things. You can get different food. So they did fish and chip jelly cats. I feel like this should be the most amazing person to take to that as well. Oh, my God. My God. So these jelly cat things, basically the adults collect these, but they've opened this fish and chip shop thing in Selfridges.

12:50and there's other little bits where you can go and these toys and they have like actors who pretend to cook your fish and chips and do a whole thing, but it's just a toy. So they've got all fake and it's just little toys, right? Sad fuckers. Can you just look at that lady there, producer Pippa, and just call her a sad fucker for me? Sad fucker. Yeah, there you go. If anything, it's going to make you stop collecting these fucking things. So yeah, it's a bit of a mad thing. Do you know what a labubu is?

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15:36No. Right, so it's very similar. La Boo Boo's, have they died a bit of a death, La Boo Boo's? Yeah, again, these are like toys that basically adults, women were carrying on their handbags, and it's just like a little toy. When you were younger, did you have anything like that, sort of collectibles? Have you ever collected anything? No, no, no. Just collecting cash these days, didn't you? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But what was like toys like when you were younger? What did you allow you to play with? Oh, different to how they are now. Yeah. I mean, kids used to play. I, for one, I remember I had a post office set.

16:08I played with it for fucking hours, with a little stamp and that. You give one to a kid now, what would they do? What would they do? I mean, it's really weird because they take the piss and I take the piss out of Pippa being a grown adult collecting toys. I didn't really play with toys as a kid. I had a fascination with sticks. So I used to collect sticks. Sticks? Genuinely, like sticks. I used to go out and I'd find sticks and I'd just have hordes of sticks at home. And everyone looks at me like I'm potentially a serial killer when I say that. But I used to sleep with a stick. You used to sleep with a stick?

16:48I don't know why. I just used to... Well, everyone's for their own. Yeah. Is that a bit weird, do you think? Well, look, when you're kids, your imagination is a lot different to when you're older. Yeah. For some reason, you found comfort in sleeping with a fucking stick. Why? I don't know. But there you go. Call him a sad fucker, nan. That's... No, I can't. Yeah, fuck you. Fuck you. But, I mean, when I was growing up, me and my young sister, we shared the bedroom, we slept together. and Bo said to me one day, when you and Jenny went to bed overnight, what did you watch? I said, what did we watch the fucking wall?

17:37He thought we had television then. I said, we didn't have one in the front room, let alone in the bedroom. Do you enjoy watching the telly? Are you like a... I like all the soaps, yeah, I do. What's your favourite? Are you... Emmerdale. Really? Oh, I love Emmerdale. What is it about Emmerdale? I just like it. Not an EastEnders fan? EastEnders sometimes can be a little bit... A lot goes on in there that the normal fucking person wouldn't put up with. I feel like EastEnders, obviously, is very different to... I used to watch it as a kid when I was growing up, and it was different there. It was like the golden years of EastEnders, really, wasn't it?

18:11It's gone a bit fucking downhill. Yeah, now it is, because you think, what's storyline? What's going on here? It ain't like the real EastEnd. Maybe I need to get on with a bit of Emmerdale. I do like Emmerdale. Oh, and I like Home and Away. I never missed that. Is that still going? That's still going, yeah. And what's his name? Chris. Hemsworth. He started in Home and Away. No. When he was about 15. Chris Hemsworth was in Home and Away? His name in it was Kim, and I told him that, and he couldn't believe I remembered it. He started in it. He was about 14, 15, and he was the son of the principal of the school.

18:49Are you sort of like the president of the Chris Hemsworth fucking fan club here or what? I wouldn't mind being here. I'd see him a lot more. I wouldn't know. Right, we've got some people that want some kind of advice from you. This is a genuine question. Can Grime Gran give me advice on what to do? My boyfriend keeps liking other girls' bikini photos on Instagram. Well, look, while you're letting him do it, he's going to keep on doing it. I'd give him the fucking racking of his life. Yes. Sorry, I just want to confirm, that's rucking, not fucking. Rucking. Rucking, yeah. Is having a fucking good old rant at him and tell him to get a life or fuck him off.

19:34Straight to the point. I wouldn't put up with that. No, I wouldn't. What do you think the most important quality in a person is? Be nice. Be nice. Kindness. Yeah, don't, you know, like, show someone else a little bit of, you know there's not enough niceness in the world now Pete there's not and if you can be nice to someone then don't be anything else I completely agree with that if you was going to have again like people seem to enjoy me having a rant on this podcast because sort of everything pisses me off I despise people in general and I don't like a lot of things I've been called a solid grumpy man along with miserable a range of different things What about the general public annoys you most?

20:24What is your biggest pet peeve? Well, I'll tell you what does get on my own. Rudeness in people. Yeah. Give me an example. Like rudeness like what? I don't like people being rude. Yeah. You know, please and thank you go a long way. Manners. Yeah. Yeah. You know, to me, I can't understand it because we was brought up to do that. Yeah. You know, please, how long does it take to say that? I mean, both my grandsons was brought up with good manners, both of them. You know, you don't see a young son there helping old lady with bags. No, you don't. They used to, where we live. They used to take the neighbours' bags in if they had a lot of shopping.

21:07You don't see that now, Pete. You don't see that now. No, you don't. I completely agree with that, actually. I feel like I was born in the wrong time, I'm going to be honest with you. because see you was brought up in the East End like me you was brought up with my morals you was brought up with my morals you know and I don't care what anybody says if you're brought up with good manners then that's standing for good life yeah treat everyone the same exactly exactly yeah this one we don't know who sent this in but they've said, I always feel scared about ageing. What's the best thing about getting older?

21:50The best part about ageing is you just got to go with it. Don't worry about it. Go with it. And always remember, when you get to my age, you can do what you're fucking like. No one says a word to you. So you can embrace it a little bit, darling. Don't be frightened of it. It comes to us all. But also be glad that you've got there. Amazing. Because there's a lot of people that don't. Fucking hell, this is actually just generally just great advice. Right, little one, someone's asked. This isn't me that's asked this. Shouldn't have ate that egg. Oh, it's fucking... Complain to M &S. But complaining...

22:30We want to go fucking viral. I've been killed by an M &S fucking pistachio half an egg. Choking on a big daddy. Oh, yeah, big daddy. That was only half a fucking daddy.

22:44Right. You need water. Oh, fuck, I've not drunk water for about seven years, darling. Right, so, this is, someone else has asked this. I'm 37 and I'm still single. What's your best dating advice for me? Well, if you're 37 and still single, you've been looking in the wrong fucking direction, haven't you, darling? You reckon, yeah? I'd start looking elsewhere. Where? What sort of woman do you think would suit me? What sort of woman would suit you? You? Yeah. You're talking about yourself? Me specifically, yeah. What am I looking for? You want someone stable. Yeah, most of them have been unhinged.

23:25Yeah. But you want someone that's stable. And more like your sort. I think you've been looking at the wrong sort. You reckon, yeah? Yeah, I think you need a homely person. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. Someone homely. Not someone that wants to go here, there and everywhere. Yeah. You need someone homely. I need a bit of stability. And someone that can keep you in fucking check. And that would have been me 50 years ago. Well, listen, there's still time. Age is nothing but a number. All right, the last question, which I think we kind of touched on a little bit in the main episode, but what do you think the secret to a happy life is?

24:05Take things as they come. Don't force anything. Don't force anything. And I always think you've got to make the best of life. You only get one chance, make the most of it. And I always think, be nice, be nice, and leave the rest to yourself. Do you have any regrets? The only regret I have is that I didn't travel a lot more when I was younger. Yeah. I mean, me and Bo recently went to Benidorm. I don't know if you see it. Love Benidorm. It's Odoroi. I don't know why they run it down. That's my first time there and I absolutely loved it. My name used to go every year. Benidorm's great. Well, I'm going again this year.

24:45Can I come? Of course you can. Can he come, Bo? Let him come. I'll come, Benidorm. But the only thing was, he got me on one of them carts and was going like the fucking clappers. All along the restaurant, they was all clapping and cheering. I was terrified. I was terrified. No, I love Benidorm. So if your biggest regret is not travelling, Where in the world have you not been that you wish you'd been or you want to go? I'd love to go to Hawaii. Yeah. I've always wanted to go to Hawaii. What is it about Hawaii? Why? I don't know. I've just always wanted to go there. Yeah. I think it's because I used to fucking watch that, what was it, that show, remember?

25:25Hawaii Five-0. Looking at the scenery. No, I would like to go there. Why don't you go? Well, maybe I will. Maybe I will. Bo, take it to fucking Hawaii. He wants to go to Fiji. Fiji. That's a good one as well. Have you been there, Pete? Not been to Fiji. I was in New Zealand a couple of years ago. Oh, is it nice there? A lot of sheep. Well, I'll save it then. It's a long way to go. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not much. Yeah. Australia, I would like to do a bit more of Australia. That's a long flight though, isn't it? Can I fuck off? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've got different sense of humour to the British.

26:02Most people have. Well, it's like America. You've done much of America. They don't under-dwarf. Well, Bo will tell you, when I done Ryan Gosling the other day, they don't get our banter. Their banter's entirely different to Anne. I must say at one point, I will go back to Florida, because I loved it there. Florida's nice. I loved it there. Do you like a theme park? Yeah, I like them, yeah. Well, when the boys was little, we went four times. But I really want to go back there. Bo just said you like a good ride. In a car. Right, okay. Yeah, just to confirm, just in case anyone was worried. In a car.

26:40All right, do you know what I'm going to ask? Because your relation, we've spoken about Bo quite a lot on this podcast over, you know, the main episode in this one. What is your favourite three things about Bo? Your grandson. You've got a very special relationship. You're like your best friend's grandson, Nan. What's your favourite three things about him? I can tell him anything. He's good to me. And when I went in hospital to have operation and they come to get me, he'd already kissed me to all. And when I got down a little way, he shouted out, Nan, and I turned around and he come running on and cuddled and kissed me again.

27:19And that, that was it. And while I'm laying on the fucking trolley with all the needles in, the sister's come and gone, oh, it's Grime, Gran! Yeah, no, no, Beau looks after me. looks after me and the last question is what do you think the biggest blessing in your life is? having my grandchildren and my great-grandchildren and now your honoree and you of course you of course and I'm going to come and do your podcast yeah I think it's booked in yeah make sure you rate reviewed all of that sort of stuff but also make sure you follow all of your social handles which we're going to put up and podcast and I'm going to come on your podcast so we can just sit and do this again.

28:05We can. But Bo will have to remember because I shall forget what I fucking said. Oh, don't worry about it. I forget what I said most of the time. We'll soon go. We'll soon go. Yeah, it'll be fine. Now, we're going to fuck off because we're going to go and have a cup of tea and that'll be us done. But make sure you come back next week. Sam's going to be back, sorry. But Sam will be back next week. Unfortunately, we're going to leave you for tonight. I missed Sam today, though. Did you? Yeah. You're a fucking bad liar. See you next week. See you next time. Oh, I love it. Beautiful. Yes. Thank you so much.

28:39This has been a Staying Relevant production. You've got social dialed in. Search is doing its thing. So why do your marketing results look the same as six months ago? That's because you're fishing in the same pond as everyone else. Podcast listeners are a different audience entirely. More engaged, harder to reach through traditional channels, and ready to act when someone they trust makes a recommendation. We're Acast, and we put them right in front of you. Browse thousands of the world's leading podcasts, book host reads or run your own ads, and track every conversion in real time. Same skills you already have, brand new results.

29:19Acast. Acast.com slash advertise. Hello, Relevanters. we wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog, Marry, Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We're sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.