Louise Weighs In on Sam as a Boyfriend… and a Future Dad

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2:54Welcome to Staying Relevant, the bonus episode. Normally it's hosted by two best friends, them being me, Sam Thompson and Peter James, Jonathan Joseph, Jezrein, Janiah Wicks. But he is not here at the moment. He is on a well-earned break. Where he is, we don't know. He doesn't like to tell us those things. But in his place, I am joined again by my lovely sister Louise and Nicole Thompson. Howdy. Hi, Sam. Sam Roberts Thompson. Don't turn off your podcast things. I know she sucks, but she's here. He's a fucking idiot. It's the best we could get. So here we are. Right. That's such a charming introduction.

3:36I can't wait for today. Well, don't worry, because we're joined with someone even worse. Today, we're also joined by not just one of my sisters, my other sister from another mister this one. It's Pippa. Even better intro. Thank you. Pippa refused to sit on the green sofa because she said it was going to take too long and she likes it's just not necessary I'm fine here I like being near Josh Pippa is going though to be part of this episode I mean she likes to be part of it anyway she fucking pipes up a lot anyway but this time even more than normal now remember as well as listening you can watch us now too the full video is released on YouTube every Friday after the audio is out every Monday before we get started make shit make shit make some shit and follow wherever you're listening.

4:21That will mean you'll be the first to know of each new episode. When does it come out, everybody? Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. Shoot me now. To feature in our bonus episode, don't forget to email hello at srproductions.co.uk. It's an email that Peter James absolutely hates. It's an email that I absolutely love because I think it makes us seem approachable. Well, what would he prefer? Peter? Right fuckers at srproductions.co.uk Why don't you give everyone his personal email address? Oh my god I could Maybe we'll give his number Should we give Pete's number out on this pod? You can At your peril Oh my god I think like he no part of him would even find that marginally funny Oh no he I don't think he'd ever speak to me again I think he'd quit the podcast And I kind of think that's fair enough I think he'd quit the podcast Yeah Yeah we probably shouldn't do that to be fair But we have had a boatload of questions.

5:21I actually gave, sorry, I just remembered I gave out Ryan's number once on Insta story. Accidentally, I did a screenshot of like a little WhatsApp chat. Awful. And then people were like, just FYI, given his number. Awful for me, that. Yeah. Because now we've got to change his number. Anyway, we've had a boatload of questions from you guys. More than we've ever normally had, actually, which is interesting. Louise, you're obviously pulling them in. So, question number one. Have you guys always been this close? or have you got closer as you got older?

5:53I think we've got closer as we've got older. I would agree. I think when we were younger. She was horrible to me when we were younger. Yeah, I apologised a few weeks ago. Yeah, she actually did. She sat me down and was apologised. Wait for like childhood. Yeah. Yeah. Talk about trauma. I used to run around the sofa like chasing Sam and then like trying to pull his hair out apparently. But I just don't envision you being like super innocent in return. I was so sweet. Like I know I never wanted to have an argument or a fight or anything. She used to batter me around the head with a Sky Remote. But like most of the questions we got for this episode was like, how did you cope with Sam growing up?

6:31Completely. Turn it out on its head, please. And thank you. I was literally the little quiet kid playing like Civilization 3, the computer game in the corner. it's actually slightly true like he wasn't that helpful like there was just a lot of you were kind of just like not mute which is weird because now obviously chatty Kathy but you were a lot quieter yeah but maybe so Ryan and I were talking about this today maybe it was all the screen time that made you really like hectic and amplified the issue what do you mean hectic what the hell does that mean well because you were really quiet as a kid like not in a weird way you were just like you were quite like happy just like doing your own thing and now you are a little bit of an attention seeker woo but we're really close attention seeker so closer as you got older when do you think the turning point was?

7:26like made in Chelsea? no because we weren't necessarily that close do you remember like I lived with you so I don't know how much more of a lodger you were a lodger yeah we were close we were really close when we were made in Chelsea you can't say it is a one-sided thing. You can't fight that you were close. But don't you remember when we'd have an event day on Main Chelsea and everyone would be on set, be like in a big stately home and we wouldn't even sit together. Yeah, because I didn't want to be the loser who went and sat with his sister and her friends. I wanted to be with the cool guys.

8:00What, was I not with the cool guys? No, you just used to sit with Binky and Rosie. We were the cool guys. We were the A team. No, you weren't. You thought you were cool. That's even better. so like on Made in Chelsea but you had people you thought no I'll tell you actually I'll let you in on a little secret there was an A team and a B team to be fair Binky originally was part of the B team because she came on with Ollie and Cheska the A team was Spencer, me, Jamie oh my god I can't believe I'm missing this ah Hugo Millie Kagi yeah it's kind of divided and then there were the like late arrivals and then you had the C's and D's and then you had the C's and the D's which is where I used to nestle in quite nicely.

8:41I used to nestle into the C slash D team, which was fun. But I always used to try and luncheon with the A's. You can get luncheon. I always used to try and luncheon with the A's. So much of just like waiting around was about eating. Like when we were on that show, we used to have a snack box. You guys actually kind of have a snack box next door. What was the moment, this is just me following this up, what was the moment that you're most disappointed of me from on Made in Chelsea? where you looked at me as your brother and you went, I can't even fucking defend that. I think just the first day, to be honest.

9:13I can't remember it, but I just remember being worried about it. There must be the time, I remember the time that I was like, oh, my sister's going to hate me. Do you? Yeah. What, pray tell? Ibiza. No, but you were in Ibiza for the full summer. Yeah. And I wasn't. I only came in for like a week. Oh, but you were like suddenly then really like bedded in because you'd you were like more established because you got to do the whole away trip and Ryan and I were like we'll just join for a little bit yeah and you'd been going like raving loads with Alex Merton and stuff yeah but I also was on a break with Tiff with Tiff yeah so you were just probably being slutty well no it was just like it was just one of those times wasn't it where you're like in between we were about to break up did she do what was her name Mimi I did oh my god what the hell do you know she's now like a life coach.

10:06Doesn't surprise me. Occasionally her stuff will pop off on my socials. Yeah, doesn't surprise me. She was quite cute, but actually, that was never going to work. But wait, why was I, why was I embarrassed then? I think the worst was when... There aren't that many fucking things to think about. Oh, do you know what? We should do like a little screening of like re-watching some of the archived bits, the old bits. Pippa, did you watch me in Chelsea? Religiously. Did you? Yeah when I first met Sam he like tried to explain who he was to me and I was like I'll just cut to it and I know everything. Oh my god.

10:43I know everything about you, I know everything about all your friends, know everything about you Louise. And what were your initial, did anyone you know fancy Sam? Not so much fancy I don't think, sorry. I think When I got, so I met you on Hits. When I got the job at Hits Radio, there was a lot of like, Sam Thompson. Like, oh my God, Sam. I was like, I loved Made in Chelsea, so I won't pretend that when I met you, I was like, oh, quite fun. She tried to play it so cool. No, I didn't. She tried to play it. She came out with like a palace t-shirt and she had a bucket hat. I obviously wasn't wearing a bucket hat.

11:21She used to say things like peak and I didn't understand what it meant. She was Gen Z. She was like, that's so peak, man. So even like back in the day when you were on it, when you talk about like A and B and that, were you able to like tell who was going to do well? Or were you even aware of it being a thing that you would go on to do stuff after? Oh, Pippa, Pippa. There used to be people who came onto the show, right? And some of the best looking guys I've ever seen in my life came onto Made in Chelsea and lasted two episodes. Yeah. Most of them were sent my way to ask me on a date. They were actually.

11:54and I would always say yes. A lot of them were and I used to have to watch that and be like, it's not going to work. They would like, I'm talking like models, like really good looking guys would come on. Good looking people have terrible chat. Their chat was so bad. You won't even remember their names. Like they would literally come on, get sort of ferried in. I do remember their names, but I don't want to be too savage. Ferried in and you'd chat with them and immediately within one conversation on camera, because sometimes there'd be people come in and they'd be trying to be like Mr. Big Bollocks and they'd be like, yeah, because in their friendship group, they were like really cool.

12:26But they'd also been told to do that. They probably, it was probably after Spencer left and the producers would go, well, you know, we're looking to like fill this sort of like Lothario role and like people always do really well. They're like quite loud and controversial and like date lots. So like, dig in. But they used to come in and they used to literally be so full of themselves. The moment the camera's turned on, it's like a different part. They'd literally shit up because if you think about it. Why do you keep saying shit? I don't know. Shit up? Shit up. like they'd be like Z's up I say shit yeah fine Z's up they'd be a completely different person and you'd be like yeah no it's not gonna work I used to see her all the time and it was almost like the better looking they were the worse their chat was and you were like that's not it's never gonna work you could tell instantly whether someone's gonna do it or not but would you look at someone like a Jamie and be like he's gonna do really well like the show him and Sophie have now like if you found that out when you were on the show would that surprise you?

13:19wouldn't surprise me at all fine not one bit I wouldn't have imagined them together necessarily so that worked out differently i never would have thought that jamie would have ended up with somebody on the show who we met on the show and actually a lot of the girls who were brought in later so echoing what you said um similarly to these guys they were kind of brought on just as like dating pawns to be like moved around the chessboard and weirdly like there was no way that these people could ever really win in the show because like the core cast were already established these people would come on they already knew what the show was it's a bit like love island now where people um like they know what the deal is and they try then quite hard to be in it loads and to be dramatic and the producers don't really like that although they like encourage them to be like that but then they like drop them it was it felt really unfair there's like loads of girls there was this whole like revolving door of girls that would come on like very pretty girls yeah i think actually one one time i pushed one of them out of seat i do remember that season two i know i look so just like cooked in that scene i do remember that it's very similar to love alone where like if as a viewer you watch and because when you've done reality tv and you've grown up with it you watch and like i can tell instantly on love island who's going to do well and he's not like it's so obvious and and and they have no idea but i think the joy as a producer they'll be watching going right yes no yes no it's got nothing to do with looks either at all i think the joy of reality tv back in the day was the fact that people didn't know what they were getting into whereas then later on to say like by season 12 of me and chelsea like we're already quite established people are going i want to join that show because it could be my lucky break and like that's probably the wrong reason to join a show like that were you aware when you guys were on it that it could be like no no oh my god i remember the first time getting papped outside because we used to have like an end of season party and it always been a club on the king's road you were really shiny that's where shiny louise came from what i didn't realize shiny louise is a thing i thought that was from this fucking podcast let me tell you can i just say something in real life it's called glowy no on tv it's called fucking shiny let me tell you a story about my sister they used to do a called what was it called a screening yeah but no but what was the end it was just the main chelsea end of season party oh you're talking about the like Rick Edwards the Rick Edwards no I'm just I'm talking about like an actual party party at a club though yes that as well so basically at the end of season main Chelsea party it used to be aired and it used to have like Rick Edwards a comedian who used to host it it's like the reunion it's a reunion show so like Real Housewives of Beverly Hills with Andy Cohen reunion it was main Chelsea and Louise used to go and sit up there and when I say the reflections coming off her face he says this to me all the time wait about my about your head or about me me pip is the same pip's the same and uh and and i remember i i wasn't on it at this point so i was in the crowd because louise invited me like no i probably hadn't even invited you but you were just a crowd member like the tree in the school play and uh let's turn up and i'm watching on and the makeup person's on there just dabbing louise's face for dear life just trying to get that leaking to stop pretty rich for someone who's bought powder for this set for the podcast Wait, who, you?

16:30Yes. Do you get makeup done for like this morning and all that TV work? No, I don't. Believe it or not, I'm being deadly serious here. I genuinely don't because I'm of the belief that it doesn't, makeup doesn't, if it's sat well. It's the same as when you or I get Botox. It just doesn't sit well on my face. Okay, so we'll be honest now about this, like cosmeceuticals, that's what they're called. There's a Thompson thing where if you get Botox, it does not work. No. As in, we look like an angry clown. Yeah. Other people, stunning. But I think our faces are too expressive. So it's sort of not comfortable in this area.

17:04I remember getting Botox and not being able to move my face and like going into a seed of main chalice and going like that. And everyone goes, why do you look so surprised? And I was like, I don't know what you mean. I kept on like turning like this, but I don't know what the fuck's happening. Like my face wouldn't move. That's the same. So when you mentioned Ibiza, when I came out to Ibiza and I remember having to come in hot into a scene with you to tell you off the day that we landed, my face would also look like that, whatever you just explained. And I was like, no one is going to take me seriously.

17:32I once had filler years ago. And it was the same time I had Botox. So I've only had, I've had Botox twice in my life. The first time is years ago. And I went with an ex-girlfriend and she was like, she was already going. It was just around the corner from where we lived. And so I was like, she was like, come with. I was like, okay, fine. Maybe I'll get a bit of Botox. It might look cool. Get it plugged in. And the woman then went, oh, you do with a little bit of filler under your eyes. Oh no, not a tear trot. I am a sucker for like, if they say it will work, I'm like, okay, cool. But in mind, I was like 26.

18:06I didn't even need it. And I was like, yeah, yeah, sure. So she like fills me up underneath both eyes. And I'm literally, I look like I've been stung by a bee. And I walk out and she's like, don't worry, we'll go down, we'll go down. I still have a little lump here, which I'm convinced is some of that filler from when I was 26 years old. Can we get photo evidence to share with the masses online? I'm sure I'll be able to find it, yeah. And then I got Botox a year and a half ago again, because I kind of did need it. And I was like, okay, let's see if it works. And it just, it just doesn't sit on my face.

18:40And the whole team, everyone sat in this room, told me straight to my face. They went, Sam, I'm afraid you're gonna have to grow old gracefully. I've actually noticed that you are growing older gracefully now. What, you're saying I'm growing older? You suddenly look like you've hit like a bit of a turning point. I do. I do. You're so right. He's been saying this for so long. Oh no. No, you are. I just have to be honest. I look haggied at the moment. I can't put my finger on it. These things come in faces, mate, just right out that way. Dude, no, because it's because - You've had your glow up, you're having a minor glow down, and then it might come again.

19:13I don't know what the fuck's happened. Is it because you're in a relationship? No, I'm still really trying. Like, also, like, bless her. Tali's like, no, you look lovely. And I'm like, I know I don't. The outfits are cool. I wake up and I look in the mirror and I scream. I go, why? Why? Like, I just, I hate it. And I don't know what to do. I have my facial chin that I put on every day. What, the Le Maire? I put the Le Maire, which is like a thousand pounds. Wait, how big's your Le Maire pot? It's like fucking 1 ,200 quid. How big is the pot of Le Maire? Tiny. It's tiny. And I lather it on as well.

19:44Like, I'm liberal with it. And I have these under eye things from like 1, 1, 1 skin or something. I think it's actually all down to a lack of sleep, bro. Yeah, I think. I mean, I don't want to, I'd be doing breakfast. radio recently so i'm just a little bit tired that's actually what it is it's really taking its toll no i had it before and i look like gravity's really started doing its thing to my face i look like dad and it's weird because pete's looking better than ever p is suddenly looking 34 i now look 42 and i don't know what's happening and i'm like i've always been the young one and i'm like what the fuck is going on i'm blaming the lighting it's not the lighting we are going to get some backlight though i think just to yeah we can work on the color on the lights anyway next question pippa's face is positively glowing oh thank you pippa looks great you can come to be fair everyone actually it's just youth yeah youth oh to be youthful i'll move i'll move it away from you calling us all shiny we had a question that's least favorite feels harsh so maybe we go with the most annoying thing about each other oh my god one sam most annoying thing about louise thank you i mean look i could go for like doesn't pick up phone or like what all those kind of things it really annoys me like really annoys me i like i if you're a guy i'd slap you sometimes like it's it's it's infuriating when i know you're on your phone you don't what's just the phone thing the phone thing is it gets me so much because i or if i'm not gonna have i knock on her door and i know she's home i'll never do that yeah you do you do I knock on your door I've never done that ever I knock on your door I love that I said that before you'd even explain what it was and I know she's home because I can hear her inside and I'm like I live next to you it might not be me I know you're at home because I can hear you because you've got the garden door open so I can hear that you're in it might not be me I can hear your voice you're with Louisa and Holly so you've obviously told them not to open the door no I've actually never said that so do you know what I'm going to do next time I've given you a key by the way I do have a key now I'm going to start opening the letterbox and just looking in and be like I can see you that's normal and fun for a neighbour I know well that would be the thing I love about you love or love that would be boring the actual thing is that my sister is now actually becoming a Karen I know we speak about this every now and then but like she is Louise is the kind of person who would report you to the council so like just bear that in mind that's a good thing it's not I agree no it's not right what is the most annoying thing about you hmm probably can I be honest I think like sometimes this is going to be cutting she means this this is quite this is going to be so cutting I can tell wait should I keep it lighter no no no I want light and shade please alright honest shade first then we'll have light shade first Just, okay.

22:43Like, just sometimes you... But actually, not really at the moment. Just out with it. Sometimes just you can be, like, a little bit selfish.

22:57Did you agree with that, Pippa? Yeah. What? I think you said it quite nicely. I didn't even go into any, like, stories. You have specifics. It's not just conjured up. but like it's not just a word is it what's the light the light is

23:18well the light is like you come around and just like open the fridge and then we'll be like either you'll take all of the food out and eat it or you'll be like oh this is a shit fridge it's like work on your own stuff that is true does that get you when i do that you never apply does that go in i don't mind you eating the food because i'm like to be fair like we are a very well-equipped house but equally I'm like I'm not going to take the criticism about the fridge okay fine that's an understandable criticism I can see that so I literally like oh no actually the annoying thing is is when you take Leo for an ice cream every day what's wrong with that because it's not good yeah but he loves it I know but he loves lots of things no I have to keep doing that that's our thing that we do oh that's you basically buying his love yeah but great that is that sweet we'll do it like I'm happy with that like when I picked him up from school yesterday yes early to take a photo with your ADHD book.

24:12Okay, well. Which I'm very proud of you. What? No. When I picked him up yesterday, and this is completely true. Yep. When I tell you he ran to those gates, he ran with a smile on his face. It makes you well up. A smile on his face when he literally ran and he ran. What did he know you were coming to pick him up? I think the lady must have told him that you were coming to pick you up. and he had his bag. No, she had his bag and he ripped the bag, not ripped, but he like took the bag and like ran. I was like, and the gate was separating us and she had to open the gate and he was like, open the gate and he literally ran out and was like, come on Uncle Sam.

24:51Come on Uncle Sam. Dr. Sam. And then he went and then, and then he goes, can I ride in the front seat? And he like opened his own car door. Are you going to come to a sports day? A hundred percent and I'm taking part in the race this time as well. Did you not take part last time? No. Are you going to win? I'm going to smoke everyone. What was that friends and family race? Yeah. Everyone's welcome. It was actually just dads. It's actually just dads. Do I feel like there is friends and family? Or maybe just dads. You could just do that. Pippa, what's the thing that you find most annoying about Sam?

25:19That wasn't the question. Happy to oblige. Yeah, because you called her a sibling earlier. Go on, Faye. Exactly. I would say it's actually the flip of your one to Louise. The anger you feel towards Louise when Louise doesn't pick up the phone. mine for you is the anger that you show towards me when I don't pick up the phone because I'm working for your company so I'll be like in a work call with like other working people and like I won't answer Sam's chat how are you cool and then he's like oh you never pick up the phone to me god you just hate me you just hate me do you say that talk to me as if it's like a vendetta i have against him working that's probably mine you just hate me i know i just i just sometimes like i just i just really like the people i like what would i say i'm honored to be one of them but i also like my job um yeah you do your job very well thank you so i'll take i will take both of those criticisms well seeing as we all still get on despite our qualms um someone actually wrote in saying advice please i am a big sister who absolutely loathes my sibling but i think it's like legit so what advice would you guys give as siblings oh god i have quite a few people message me parents who are like i really hope that my kids grow up as close as you guys do i think it's like it's not rare but it's probably like 50 50 isn't it god if you loathed your sibling i would say personally from my point of view i go never let that happen i would say try the absolute hardest to not have that early i don't think we'll ever be closer to anyone up more than you will be your family and i like because me and louise like she she was a tyrant to me at times when i grew up but like i have so many amazing memories like that were even at the time not great sometimes maybe but like now i look back on and go god they formulated my life like i i don't have that with anyone my school started at a certain age like no one knows me as well as my sister knows me and i imagine i think i know you better than most people know you as well true like to give all of that up by just not trying to me is criminal like you are like we're all i'm so lucky to have a sibling like i i who i've like shared life with i i would just i like you're my best mate i just i couldn't imagine we argue by the way we argue like a fair amount not for a while actually but we like we obviously had like a biggie for ages we do a biggie yeah we are doing a biggie actually but i i would never it would be my mission to to un-argue if it ever got to a really bad spot because i could never imagine life without my sibling if you have a sibling you're incredibly lucky to have that sibling regardless of whether they don't i believe regardless of whether you don't get on anything can be salvaged so i would say just genuinely try your best and at least you're trying then i don't know i agree with what you're saying i think you mentioned something about memories there which which struck a call with me i think even if you've got as you said like some bad memories and then some good ones like a memory is a memory and it does still form who you are and kind of it shapes your childhood and it's hard to give an answer without any context about why you loathe that sibling because for all we know like they could have killed their pet or that's intense or no but like anything could have happened so sometimes it is hard to claw back you know a relationship when something really bad has happened i always apologize to you first.

29:04I always apologize to you first. Always lay out the olive branch. I don't know whether you're joking. I'm being deadly serious. You actually think that you always apologize first. Do you? Yeah. Well, hand on heart, you're being serious. Hand on heart. I'll send you a message after a few days and I'll still reiterate my points. We've done some like, okay, so here's the easier thing. Before you have the tricky conversation, the DMC, deep, meaningful conversation, you've got, sometimes it's easier to write a letter or go back and forth with some very well constructed text messages. We've done that before where there have been like 10 pages.

29:39Oh, yeah. Louise loves an essay. How do you, speaking of that, do you both find it hard sitting with the thought that someone doesn't like you? Hate it. Do you feel you're the same? Yeah. Really? Yeah, don't like it. Because I know that about you, but I didn't know it. I don't like the idea that I've hurt somebody or I've done something to make somebody, not hurt maybe, but like, I don't like the idea that I've done something that has annoyed someone because you can always change that's not a good thing because you shouldn't have to change if I was Pete sitting here what Pete would be saying is you don't need to change who the fuck you are like you are who you are and if they don't like you then go fuck themselves that would be a Pete skewed answer and he's actually correct in that way but I and I think you might be the same I sit there and I go but whatever I've done to annoy you I can change that and I will like be better and so like and that because I'm a fixer and I think you're a fixer too which is like I want to build bridges and I want to fix things I don't like having a big fat fallout yeah I hate it so I'll change for you on the advice tangent what advice would you Louise give to Sam if he's ever to become a dad um mmm I'm so comfortable with the show she's disappearing I would say take some time off would be my primary bit of advice to like enjoy it at the beginning which i think is hard because for men you only really get two weeks annual leave or like paternity leave but if you were able to like carve out a bit more time it wouldn't be wasted i know you work currently like on the weekends and you do hits radio on saturday morning but i think like those moments are so precious so you wouldn't want to just like breeze through them because they're any young ones and that's so cliche it goes really quickly and and even though like one of the good things about me the only good thing about me being so sick at the beginning after leo was born was the fact that i had to like completely slow down to the point of being stationary so i couldn't work and i was at home a lot so i was there for all of those memories even though lots of them were really bad i also then was there for any like good sort of glimmer of hope memories that um were in that chunk of time as well and what else uh get used to shit because i i feel like i would struggle with oh with the shit yeah that's something that i i i get like what do you do with cat shit oh it's just not great but it's a bit more solid than what I've seen Leo produce in his formative years.

32:21Do you wipe Leo's bum now when he goes for a poo? No. You've never done that? Did he ask you to do that? What do you mean? Of course he's a child. He's going to wipe his arse for him. How else do you think a child gets their arse wiped? He's got hands and fingers and he's... So now he's starting to do it on his own? He has to wipe his bum. What were you expecting Sam? Have you never had to do it? I understand where you're like a baby an infant I understand that where you lift their legs and you get the Kleenex you've got so much to learn like what the hell you need to go to the NCT classes and several like parenting workshops before you have a child so let's say so let's say so Leo at four right is like sat on the can yeah and he's like his little legs dangling off he drops an absolute deuce and you're literally and he's like right mum I'm ready for my arse no he calls he basically he'll trot downstairs stairs because now he'll go on his own but often he wants there's a whole like ritual around often he wants to talk so he'll be like mommy mommy i need to come down with me and i'm like i think you're old enough to do this now and sometimes he just like literally drags me down there but he's quite particular sometimes he'll be like no you can't watch so he'll shut the door he'll tell me exactly where i need to stand he's like no don't move over there he's just there and then and then i'm like oh but i could just try and like put something into a washing machine and he's like no no gotta be there just there don't move don't touch that and and then he'll and then he'll like call me in so I can wipe his butt.

33:43How does he call you in? This is interesting because you know girls wipe their bum from the front to the back. Sorry. What?

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36:48But wait, Du Bois... No, fucking shut up. See look that's how much But what if you have a daughter bra Yeah see You're freaking out You're not ready No no no I just didn't know that That can't be true But wait how do you wipe your bum Like most normal people Oh no that is fun to the back That's what I mean Some guys go like this Don't they I don't know Between the legs Between the legs Which I was like Ryan Oh I couldn't drag it under there No because then you're dragging Can I just say I feel really bad like poor Leo doesn't have his right to reply to any of this but hopefully he'll think we're cool can I just say quickly when you wipe your bum do you I just knew it do you do you reach around do you reach around apparently so do you reach around between my legs no do you go like that and reach around yeah how else would I do it that's what I'm asking Louise is telling you about reach behind you yeah but I thought some blokes basically just did the other way because basically for But for a girl, you definitely need to wipe that way around.

37:56Well, for a boy, you do as well, really. Because if you want to go... What do you envision you just not wiping? I so imagine Sam just doesn't. I know something about Sam's weird bathroom habits. That's why he's so baffled. Can I just say... Also, you'd rather go up your back than into your bollocks. Exactly. Can I say something that really drives me mad about what you do and also Ryan does? What? You will literally like pull the loo roll so much, but then you pull like individual sheets. Yeah, I'll do that. Instead of like folding it up and like creating like a good bit of sheets packaged, like a little sandwich of loo roll, you'll literally wipe your ass with like individual sheets at a time.

38:35You're going in with a singular sheet. Yeah, he's going in with a singular sheet. I like to play a little game. He's there for hours. That's so gross. He's 100 individual sheets later. I like to play a little game. He's probably got the poo on his hands. That's what I mean. You're not telling me every single sheet you're getting, like right on target clean wife every time this flew away. A game called Battle Shits which is basically like where you get as close as you can to the ripping of the paper but not quite. Oh my god. Is that a thing that guys do? No, no. You said that into a microphone.

39:05Battle Shits. That's normal. Guys do that all the time. Because mine also kind of just takes like one bit. I look at it. I'm like you could save so much time if you just folded that over and created a loo roll sandwich and just did it in like three words. Ryan does it too he kind of does it as well I go like this I go sorry look we're not I can't even remember the question audio audio wise parenting tips no just for audio stuff like genuinely I I won't make this sound too grim I will do what I'm doing have a little look oh my god and I'll go okay could do with a bit more but same sheet same sheet same sheet goes back down same sheet double use of one single sheet same single sheet because then it goes maybe it could rip how many times do you get the pill on your hands how many times a day that's what hand washers are for that is disgusting bra you've got haven't you got self-cleaning lap got a bidet got a bidet but you've also got a loo that like spurts the water up your butt I do yeah I've got Japanese loo do you ever use that yeah all the time what oh so that's an amazing feeling well you've got like a little jet up the bar oh it's absolutely that does break the loo I was going to say battleships must come to a swift end when that gets involved no what you do is You take the initial intensity out of it and then you use it.

40:21Sorry, what does that mean? You take the initial intensity, so you do the first few wipes and then you use. With the same sheet, sorry. Not always the same sheet. Just sometimes. Did you use what? No. I feel like I just heard something. No. But this is maybe, maybe this is a question for our listeners, actually. Do you, how do you wipe? Leo, now I have to go in like this, front to back, just because I don't know why. But he used to go like this, like a downward dog. So he'd literally, with his bum out, is like downward dogging and just his bum flailing it like in the air in your face. It's quite full on.

40:56That's why I was wondering whether you've ever done it before. What happens if he like has quite bad food or something and like it's just quite tense? He's just like, go on, mum. Yeah, I still have to do it. It's quite regular, the bad food scenario. Really? Yeah, we do our best, but. I imagine you go in with multiple sheets. Oh yeah, I'm so, I'm not getting, I'm not playing battleships with you. And I'm also like not risking, I've never got poo ever on my hands. Really? Really? Sam, don't sound that shocked by that. Sorry, I actually just remembered that I haven't had to wipe my ass in a normal way for a really long time.

41:34Oh my God, you don't even poo. Isn't that so depressing? Do you fart? Because people love pooing. Can you fart? Don't men like love pooing, that feeling of poo? Oh, it's a great feeling when you need to go. Yeah. and then you go it's kind of odd do you produce wind? no I don't fart you don't produce wind? sometimes I feel like there's like there's like I could fart but I'm like that would be really wrong because there's nothing it's just like a stump on the inside so I'm like where would that be coming from? by the way for anyone listening Louise has a colonoscopy bag it's not a colonoscopy bag it's a stoma bag Louise's got a stoma bag so that's what we're talking about yes but anyway moving on yeah sorry I let that go on way too long a lot of battleship chats there um I guess this kind of ties in do you ever wish either of you had a more private life out of the spotlight um no sometimes I do actually I don't I love it because I wouldn't be able to do the things I do like one of my favourite things it happened today actually was someone coming up to me and saying hello and being like oh like can you speak to my mum or something like that and they'll like FaceTime their mum like and then you're like you're talking to a complete stranger but you feel like your family like that that right there is worth any Daily Mail article or like where people go I wish I had a private life like that there you get really affected by the Daily Mail articles over the past year they've been pretty tough but they're fine my point is that like okay you know when people go I just wish I lived a private life and all that kind of stuff.

43:17Like the benefits of the interaction with people, I think completely outweigh the like intrusion, intrusion of like, like this is a good one. Chapel Rhone is a perfect example of this. I, have you heard about the chapel story where she basically like made an 11 year old girl cry. She sent a security guard over there. Yeah. and like that to me I'm like don't be famous if you don't want to hang out with Pablo mate it's one of the most how this isn't just for her this is for anyone who thinks like this how obnoxious must you be and self like arrogant to be honest with you must you be to think that your art is better and deserves to be listened to or watched or whatever it is by so many people but yet you don't even like or want to speak to those people.

44:15Like they, you might've changed their life. You might've stopped them from like doing something bad. You might be such an integral part of that life and you've sent your security guard to stop that person from just looking at you, from looking at you. And that is an 11 year old girl. Like that's one of the most magical things in the entire world. I get if you're famous. I think I agree with everything you're saying I also think Chapel Rona is a I'm not a fan I don't even know who she was before this Hossaka came out wasn't it like a famous football player child so you picked the wrong person homie yeah I agree with you on that I think that we're quite lucky because we sit like somewhere quite comfortably in the middle like we're not we're not like super famous I see it for myself but I can maybe loop you into this category it's not like we're like A plus investors no we're quite far down the D we don't have like nutters stalking us we're not in the press every single day for everything we do um but we get a lot of the perks so we have like lovely communities that we've created that we get to hang out with we just get like some free stuff now again and but i think like i i was saying to someone actually i was speaking to ryan's brother about this um this weekend down in devon where we spent easter uh he was asking me about a tv show that we were maybe going to be on ryan and i it was a disney show that i think we had a bit of a lucky escape from because i feel very comfortable with like this level of uh fame if you like it feels weird calling myself famous because i don't really uh relate to that i wouldn't say i wouldn't say we are we are in the famous category but having public profiles yeah um but i wouldn't want to be a kardashian like i wouldn't want to be on a forever reality tv show that never ends that keeps growing that keeps affording you more fame more money more design handbags more cars because more does not equate to happiness and i mean i'm stating the obvious people speak about this all the time but i think like when you get into that spiral like it can become quite dangerous so sometimes i do think especially as a parent that it would be nice to have a bit more privacy and i do wonder whether like i'm glad that i'm not say on a reality show with leo because it wouldn't be fair for me to throw him into that without getting his permission i know we've brought him onto like the podcast and stuff a couple of times just for like little snippets and just you know to caveat that like when we we brought him on for a mother's day episode he had a really fun time like he's exactly it's like show and tell isn't it everyone wants to know what their parents do often kids don't get to go into their parents offices but he thinks it's really fun he literally came on for like 10-15 minute segments so it felt really manageable um but we know what the impact of like a lot of exposure and a lot of screen time does to young kids and you only have to look at like Britney Spears or Vince Lohan or most child celebrities to see the outcome is so I think it's fine like for us but for and maybe you're at a slightly different part in your stage of life and like career than me maybe just because of the like child thing I do have a couple of cats though that we like to keep them out the spotlight but we have to just be a little bit careful on the topic of leo a hypothetical i loved what would you do if sam had a son and called him leo lose her shit oh my god i actually because we wanted to call our second son or maybe like jackson or jack and leo's cousin is called jack which is really annoying so now we just can't use it like it's just a no-go so if you wait can you fucking imagine that's the kind of thing that you would do i know like it's been born it's been born he's brought it home from the hospital he's home he invites you and he's like this is baby leo what would you initial reaction i would die i would die no because i already know what my boy's name was the thing is it's like whoever your wife is i if it's tally there's no way she would allow that why wait hang on what are your names.

48:42Would you actually ever do that? What's my name, Vivit? Tell me. He's just stolen my name. What's the name? If I have a boy, I want to name him Kit. Oh my god, my best friend's called Kit Leo. Yeah, sorry, my best friend's son. Imagine this. And then obviously Sam now wants to call his son. Listen, imagine this. Kit Michael DeCoursey Thompson. Oh, that's strong. Sorry? You're gonna put dad's name in there? I have to, yeah. You don't have to. I do, because mine's Robert, which is dad's dad. that's sorry you should tell dad that that's really cute you need to have a kid before he pops his clocks he's not going anywhere for like just so that bloody hell no but just so that he knows because that's quite special yeah so wait what's your daughter going to be called Rose Rose Rose Louise Thompson I've got to now yeah 100 % I like that I love the name Rose you're actually going to have a real Rose Rose yeah and mine would be because you've taken it so literally mine would be mine would be Rose oh I can't be Karen So wait, it would be Kit and Rose.

49:41So were you? Yeah. It's going to have to be. You can't name a boy after your dad and not do a girl after your dad. No, do you know what? Rose Karen Thompson. That is so bad. I can't, genuinely couldn't do that. So the poor girl would get bullied. Sorry, love you, mum. I was just thinking about Louise. What about Anne? Maybe Rose. Roseanne. Rosanna. It'd be Rose, Louise, DeCourse, Tennyson. Anne. Sick. Rose, Louise, Anne, DeCourse, Tennyson. That's big. Yeah. Would be mine. So wait, you like Kit as well. Well, first, yes. First, yeah. Well, no, not as well. And what about girls' names? I don't actually have a girls' name just because I'm so resigned.

50:18Thank you so much, everybody, for listening to Staying Relevant. Pete will be back next week. Don't fear. And to feature in this podcast, email hello at srproductions.co.uk. Subscribe and follow so you're the first to know of each new episode. Rate five stars. Please do leave a review. We do read them. follow us on all the socials which is at staying relevant podcast subscribe to us on YouTube Josh what are we on? but we're growing baby we are growing like a little fetus in your stomach you really do have a radio voice shit subscribe to us on YouTube at staying relevant podcast again for the full video of this episode that goes live every Sunday we'll be back on Monday with our main episode see you next time thank you so much for listening Louise again thank you so much you've been here for like 7 hours This has been a Staying Relevant production.

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52:31House thousands of popular podcasts, choose the shows that match your perfect audience, set your budget and launch. And if you want a hand, our podcast specialists are there to help you launch with confidence. This is podcast advertising without barriers. Get started at Acast.com slash advertise. Hello, Relevanters. We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog, Marry, Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas.

53:12And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We're sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.