Pete and Sam’s Worst Dating Advice Yet

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1:47That's R-O-T-H-Y-S dot com. Welcome to Staying Relevant, the bonus episode hosted by me, Sam Thompson, and Peter, James, Jonathan, Joseph, Jezemiah, Jezariah, Jeremiah, Wicks!

2:07This episode contains swearing. if you don't like it go yourself it also will contain some asmr because i awkwardly put in a chocolate lime just before the record that i am just keeping in my mouth so if you hear some unusual noise it's just a chocolate lime don't panic all right but it's now i don't want to spit it out because i like them this episode will this episode will contain swearing if you know I've done that. Sorry, chocolate lime's really throwing me off. It's getting into the brain. Yeah, I'm going to be honest with you. It's just so, it's just chocolatey. It's limey. It's just goodness.

2:46It's so intense. There is a lot of saliva. Oh, God. I imagine you'll all sort of enjoy that as much as I am. I just want you to share the pleasure. This is the bonus episode, which means it is Thursday. You'll be able to watch this on Josh and Kiri's YouTube channel from 5pm on Sunday. and Monday's main episode, which came out audibly on the Monday. You can now watch on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel as of 5pm last night, which was Wednesday, which means you can catch us on a... Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. As this is the bonus episode, if you want to feature in this, then you can email the worst email address in the world, which is...

3:23Hello! At srproductions.co.uk. Rate, review, hit follow, do all of that crap. You know the score. A little bit of housekeeping. Yeah. Sam, take it away. Our book is now available in paperback. That's right. You can get the same book, but now it's paperback. And, hey, we're treating you. We've made it red. Yeah. Something different. Red for love, for heart, because we love you. Sunday Times bestseller. You know, we thought to ourselves the blues done well. Let's just mix it up because we're crazy cats. Crazy cats. You know, it's just something a little bit kind of cheeky. A little bit crazy out in here.

3:59We just thought we'd go with a little cheeky red. so if you are looking for it in the paperback version it's the same but red give us a finger finger our books just lick the tip and turn the page turn the page emails for you now take it away with the emails boys I even heard that take it away boys how are we thoroughly enjoyed your Spotify rap last year can we now find out your most played artist slash song of all time. They have a new feature going through your entire listening history. Wow. I can't even begin to imagine what this is going to be. That's from Holly. I cannot wait to see this. Okay.

4:41It should just be on your homepage. On Spotify. Where do I find a homepage?

4:50Do you want to... What's up on silent? I think it would be better. Turn it down. Your first day on Spotify was 23rd of January. 2020. Mine was the 29th of June 2019. Since then, I've listened to 2 ,028 songs. Okay. I've listened to 3 ,879 songs. Oh, you are absolutely... So I've been on it longer and listened to 1 ,000 less songs than you. Alright, next up, Sam. Yeah. My first ever song that I listened to. Do you want to do yours? oh mine sucks I don't think mine's any better Dance Monkey Tones and I mine's Hard to do Gavin James don't even know what that is what's your most streamed artist most streamed what the fuck my most streamed artist of all time is Lil Nas X that can't be right mine's Ryan McCullen wait this is from 2020 though that will be of all time Old Town Road is my most ever played song I mean it's a fucking good song why is that lame by the way.

5:57Just a bit of a lame song to have listened to over and over. Pippa, Pippa, sorry, when you first started working with me, you called things, you said things were peak. That is pretty peak for you. You came in and said peak. Is peak bad? Yeah. Can you give us a rendition of it? Well, I don't want to take my horse to the old town road. I want to ride till I can't no more. Good. Pippa, stop thinking we're fucking lame. We're cool millennials. Yeah, millennials. Yeah. Am I a millennial? Millennial? Yeah, I think you are. You're on the cusp of being a boomer. But isn't boomer like from the fucking 30s?

6:37Yeah, boomers are born between 1946 and 1964. Stop calling me a fucker. Well, I wasn't born pre-64. No, there's one before millennial. Is it Gen X? It's Gen X. But what is Gen X? Millennial. I'm a millennial. There's no way it goes from the 60s. Born from 89, 90. I was 88. Wait, but what was before millennial? Generation Y. Gen Y. You were how many years off Gen Y? When were you born? Eight, yeah. You're four years off at being Gen Y. I'm a Y millennial. It says different things, but you are a millennial across the board. There we go. Yeah, there you go. So I'm the same as Sam. Yeah. So we're in it together, buddy.

7:13We are in it together. There's no, listen, age is nothing but a number. We are in it together. All of us are here, aren't we? Yeah, we are. We're all here together. What are you? Just because we're a bit older than you doesn't mean that we're any less cool. do you know what I mean like me and Pete can say things like peak and it's fine no I'm Zed can I ask you a question to all the to the Gen Z Basie Pippa and Hannah if you were to hear me and Pete walk in and go like oh that's so peak what would you say I don't understand this what is so what does it mean peak is like why are we is this a trend no no no peak's just like what a Gen Z would say if it means like shit they'd be like oh man that's so peak kind of from the same era well they wouldn't really say it anymore but it's in the same era as like Peng like you look Peng as in like Peng-guin like you look Peng today you look Leng Leng too Leng and Peng so what's what's Leng Peng they're a bit out of fashion now but it means good looking what so rather than just saying you're beautiful you go you're Leng Peng no you don't use them in conjunction what would you do if people what is Leng or Peng Yeah.

8:23All right, what's fing? Yeah, Leng is like better than Pank. Leng is like top level. Pank's like your fit. Okay, Pippa, Pete walks in and he goes, you're looking Leng today. Like. First off. Well, first off, inappropriate word, please. Let's think about someone else, yeah. But, okay, Hannah, Pete walks in. Same as you. Okay, he just walks in and there's just a girl, a girl walking by and Pete goes, that girl is Leng Ting. is a langting is a langting I'd be speechless and stunned I'd just look at him and I'd say where have you learned that who's told you to say that and I'd say that's Pete shut up Pete and then normal business would resume I think we should do a day at some point where me and Pete really try and like just only use like if that happens what will need to happen before that point is if someone could make me a dictionary.

9:21Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that I could understand. I think he needs a sheet so that he can go, right, that is, fuck, that's peak. If you could get me the Merriam-Webster fucking, you know, book of gibberish, that would be great. That would be such a good, I think we should do that at some point. Would you rather be Leng or Peng? I'd love, I think Leng. I'd rather be Leng. Why are you laughing at that? Well, Hannah's just said that Leng's better than Peng. That's what I mean. That's like saying, that's like saying, you know what would what would you rather would you rather be average or better than average yeah exactly no average for me all day long I don't want to be better than average why the fuck why on earth would I want that alright so something's better no I'll take the shit one thanks we want to be a couple of Leng Tings Leng is stunning while Peng is generally attractive what you're just genuinely generally attractive alright so what what's if you're not so if you're if if if on the Richter scale of eng things.

10:19Leng is the top. Peng is the middle. What's the bottom? Like a fucking den? Clapped. Chopped. Chopped. Chopped, clapped. Like these are... As of 2026, the most popular Gen Z slang for ugly is chopped. Used to describe someone on a track. What was it back in my day? Ugly. Oh yeah, I imagine it was just sort of English. Millennial and younger slang terms for ugly include minging, butters, Rough. Oh, maybe we had so much better. This is actually really important. I think to say, ask millennials. No, no, we get, we get quite topical on here. This is important. It is. We had way better slang. When someone, when you say minging is one of the worst things you ever be told in your life.

11:04You are fucking minging. It's, it's such. Chopped. Isn't that like, like if someone looks at you in the eye and goes, you're fucking minging. It's pretty. Yeah. And then they go, you're me. And what did we have for like good looking? Fine, hot, fly, on point, stylish. Stylish. We are so old. We are so old. Do you know what she is? Stylish. Also fine. She is fine. Yeah. Do you know what you are? Fine. God, we suck. You can say chopple ganger. If they're particularly ugly. Do you know what she is? I'll tell you. That fucking Pippa with her big head, she's chopelganger. Pippa. No, she is a chopelganger.

11:51A chopelganger. Oh, no, also a weapon, a weapon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rocket. Yeah, a weapon's good. Rocket, yeah, weapon. Shreking. Fucking rocket. Pippa, you are fucking minging. If you're dating an ugly person, you're shreking. Yeah, I've heard this one before. We did say it on this the other day. It's what people say to my missus. And it's like, oh my God, you're shreking. Jesus, we were great back in the day. Safe and sick were our creations, by the way. Not personally Yeah No it's in just like That's not like Yeah It's not Yeah Was it? Yeah Sick man And what's safe for? Safe is good Like oh yeah safe I mean I don't want to have to do it But I was sent a video of you From years ago And there was no way You used to say safe and sick 100 % From school Can you imagine this guy Going yeah safe man No but you'd say it in a posh accent We would say at boarding school, we'd be like, save me, save, save.

12:52That's sick, mate. What's happened to your voice? I really want to get that accent back. Have you spent too much? I have. Well, just do it. That is your accent. No, I've lost it now. I've spent too much time with you. That's genuinely what it is. I've spent too much time. How did my accent overpower your accent? Because yours is an aggressive accent. Yours is like aggressively Essex. Now, when I hear that, I cannot believe I sound that like, and I actually, I slightly missed the accent a little bit. Just do it now for us. Speak, do the, when I say now, I sound creepy. Well, no, you sounded creepy then and all.

13:28It doesn't come like natively anymore. What did I, like at school? I see what, read the next email in that accent. All right. Okay, fine. Sam and Pete, sorry for making you, see now I'm putting it on, it doesn't sound right. Sam and Pete sorry for making you into agony aunts but I don't know what else to do how I do how do I deal with a girl who won't stop messaging my boyfriend I'm 21 for context love from Tilly safe Tilly Tilly Tilly but that but that's but the problem is that's me putting it on so that's not actually a genuine posh accent which is annoying so agony aunts a girl won't stop messaging her boyfriend for context because we needed that because it makes a difference.

14:16She's 21. The chances are you ain't going to end up with him. So you know what I mean? You're not wrong. Fuck it off. You're not wrong. In terms of you, as agony uncles, I think we both agree that, you know, you've got many more to come. So girl won't stop messaging the boyfriend. It's his responsibility to say to stop. It depends what she's messaging. But also if she continually messages, is she being aired or is he leading her on? because if he's replying, she's replying to your boyfriend. Well, exactly. So if she's just sending message after message after message after message after message after message, then, yeah, weird.

14:55But your boyfriend should be saying something because his phone's getting blown up. And what he's doing is he's obviously deleting the messages in between. Well, allegedly. Allegedly deleting the messages in between and so it just looks like a stack. And he hasn't blocked her. so what i'm seeing is you know a bit of that um yeah so it's really he's there's he's obviously doing something i think i think it's it's a boyfriend problem here i i would i would also you haven't you know you've given us your age for context but actually out of all the things i need for context to answer this your age wasn't one of them no you know i need to know you know how do they know each other what sort of things are they messaging what has your boyfriend said about it Has he had a word with her?

15:39Did they used to date? There are so many anomalies to this. And what I don't need to know is how fucking old you are. Question, actually. Have you ever seen those? Yeah, but before you ask a question, just give me your age for context. 33, 32. Okay, proceed. Have you ever seen those girls who have those Instagram accounts and go, I will message your boyfriend to see if he's cheating on you? No. Oh, mate, they're everywhere. So basically, there's like, Tip Pippa, you must have seen that. Yeah. It's kind of like a honey trap, but on that. Yeah, where girls will basically message a guy and be like, really flirty.

16:13And then if the guy replies, they'll then send that to the girlfriend and be like, he's replying to me, like, you should probably bin him off. Social media is the devil. Yeah, mate. Well, but then again, to be fair, from the girl's point of view, the girlfriend's probably sitting there going, why did you? Absolutely. But this is, it still ties into social media being the devil because back, it's so easy for people to do all of that shit now. Whereas previously, you wouldn't meet someone unless you're out. You wouldn't sit at home and have access to millions of people at home. You'd have to, yeah, but you wouldn't just send off blanket broadcast letters and hope that someone replied, would you?

16:49You'd have to have their address. It's hard. You'd have to know that person. So you'd have to have met them out. Now you're just fucking, do you know what I mean? Yeah. Imagine getting done over. Willy nilly. Imagine getting done over like that. Like there's a girl who reaches out to you. You then replied. And then the girlfriend goes, you fucking replied. Like, that is a proper honey trap, isn't it? That's what they call it. Maybe we should honey trap the boyfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What, just see if he sends Sam and Pete a dick pic? No, but we'll create a fake profile. Oh, no, we're not doing that.

17:19And we'll message the boyfriend for you, Tilly. I actually think there's laws against it now, if I'm honest with you, I think. Yeah, that probably is against the laws. That's some sort of cyber law. I've tried to help you there, Tilly, but I don't know if there's anything we could do from these CACs. Well, just give us some more context. And listen, if all else fails and you're 21... Ask him to block her. Well, yeah, you could do that. Actually, why not a little bit? We're not here to give good advice. We might as well... Tit for tat. Why don't you slide in some dims? Oh, God, I thought you were...

17:49I wonder where we're going with that. Let's give some bad advice for a bit, you know. Actually, go out and, like, you know, shag someone. You know? Get in there. Yeah, you're 21. It's legal. some bad advice for you. So if you want some stellar advice like this, then make sure you email in to the best email address in the world. Hello at srproductions.co.uk. I said it was the best email address in the world there. It's not. It's the worst. If you were giving the worst advice to Tilly right now, what would it be? Within reason, not like murder or anything like that. Like within reason.

18:28What's the worst thing she could do that she could conceivably, you could see her doing. Dump him, shag his dad. Oh, nice. Nice. Was that the level you were at? That was good. Okay, all right. What about you? What would you say? I don't think I could beat that. That's pretty damn good. I would say, if I were you, I'd tit for tat it. I'd start doing people myself. Or, even better, go and shag the girl's dad. You know what I mean? You get a good time. They're both pissed off. Give them something to message about. Wow. Question time. Wow. Question time. Do you have an out? Are you an innie? And are you happy with it?

19:11That's a fucking good question. Are you happy with it? I've got a media. I've got sort of like in and out. I've got an innie. What's mine? I think it's an innie, but there's a little bit on a half that comes out. Yours is sort of like a...

19:26An innie. Yeah. It's sort of like a bit... I don't know. Lopsided innie. Yours is like an outie, but a shy one. Yeah, but it doesn't actually come out, though. Yeah, that's why it's a bit shy. It's just peeking. Yeah, it's like a little turtle neck. It's just a turtle just poking its head. It's just... Hello, everyone. Yeah, yeah. Show us your belly. Show us your belly button. Sorry, Pete. Well, it's just there. Ah, he's got a nice innie there. Yeah, mine's fully in. Shall I show us your belly button? He's got an innie. That's an out. Yeah, an innie. Girls, you're fine. no girls you're fine but more importantly than innie or outie because you know that's just a 50-50 isn't it are you happy with it I'm very happy with mine actually very happy with my belly button Josh how do you feel about yours yeah I'm actually stoked yeah good no I'm pretty I mean I've never thought about it but I'm yeah no it's got good depth I'm happy yeah it's good as far as innie's go it's a real pleasant one and is that with the is the belly button where the nutrients used to go into your stomach.

20:33Yeah. Like from the placenta. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Attached by? The umbilical cord. Yeah. Then some people eat the placenta. Yeah. Don't they? After birth. What causes the innie or the outie? What's a fucking good question? Is it because they pull you out with the umbilical cord? I don't know. Like, how does... I don't know. What creates the innie and the outie? That's a great fucking question. You think it's just a tug of... I don't know you tell me is it where they snip it because then I'd be livid not that outies are bad I'd be a bit annoyed I don't actually know I shall we take a guess let's take before Pippa tells us let's you and I take an actual real life guess where they snip it for me where they snip it I I think it's how it heals maybe Pete's right how it heals it's either going to be one or the other I'd say to call that but so So are you happy with the fact that they don't yank you out by the umbilical cord?

21:32Well, yeah. I remember being born. So I remember, I do remember the freezing cold nature of being thrust outside my mother's womb. I mean, it would make a lot of sense. Did they yank you out by your umbilical cord then? They could have, to be fair. Well, you were there. Well, no, I don't remember. I didn't come out and go, belated. You don't remember now. I didn't just come out and go, good job, like light a f*** and walk out. No, but you remember it. So you must know, did they grab you by the leg? Did you just fall out and shoot out? I can't remember that. You know, was the midwife a goalkeeper?

22:02I'm saying. Or were you yanked from your stomach? No, I'm saying I remember the feeling, but I didn't, as I said, I didn't come out and go, nice one, man. Well, let's try, I think we can get, I think we can work this out. Close your eyes for a minute. I can remember the feeling. Yeah, so close your eyes. I can tell you what it is. The feeling. Close your eyes.

22:20So, go back to that time in your mother's womb. that feeling you had is the feeling of pain coming from your umbilical cord being stretched out by a midwife it was like a feeling of cold it was like I was warm and cosy and then freezing and crying I remember that, I don't care what anyone says

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24:45What's the perfect number of pints to have on a night out? Perfect number of pintos. Depends how pissed you want to get. For me, perfect number of pints, four. Maybe five. No more than that. On a night out? Well, it depends what night it is, obviously. But if it's like a pub and I'm going to be home by midnight or 10 and I've started at six, I'd say five pints. well I mean it's all very much dependent on what your alcohol limits are I get really drunk off beer I have no idea why but beer gets me pissed I'll agree if it's a lager I would say the perfect amount of pints is three and then I'd go on to shorts if it's Guinness the perfect amount of pints is ten nice for me five it's the bubbles the bubbles so in summer especially I do love a lager it's nice to have a fucking pint but three and then a bit then I'll go on to go on to some shorts we'll just whack up the sort of vodka or tequila and that after that lovely but Guinness ten any more than ten and you get a little bit tipsy actually Guinness and beer get me absolutely hammered hammered the good thing about Guinness you don't have to eat yeah very fully it's heavy it's like a meal it is it is good Good.

26:07Terrible next day. I'm sure you can tell everyone why because I don't like to talk about them things. But if you have 10 pints of Guinness. Are you shitting a lot? But what colour is it? I don't know. I don't look. Black. Ooh. Why are you doing that, Pippa? You saying you don't look. I don't always look. I don't turn around. You literally said on the podcast a few weeks ago that you play a game with one sheet of toilet paper and try and break it. Yeah, but today's a different day. Different day. Look at the paper. Don't look. Last question as well. I think this is a really good one. would you rather only be able to get with really unattractive people or really annoying people for me really unattractive yeah because annoying people like i'd really struggle i think a lot but most people struggle with really annoying people yeah don't eat no i'm not annoying i'm i'm lovable to you just cheeky if a cheeky chat yeah switch the lights off I'll be fine yeah and they're probably really really nice well we are nice as David Hayes says they're compensating we yeah we are nice listen beauty's in the eye of the beholder what is an attractive person well everyone gets ugly at some point as well yeah I mean some people start that way but some people certainly decline yeah well it's true isn't it some people have fallen from the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

27:34You can't help it. Do you know what I mean? You get what you're giving you. You can only play the cards you're dealt. I've got a question for you. Okay, excellent. Someone comes up to you and there's a guy and he goes, and like, he's pretty minging. And he's like, and he's like, well, tradition, in a traditional sense, right? And he goes, So traditionally give me some characteristics. I can't do that. I can't do that. But like, he's traditionally what like some people would say is like a very not very attractive guy and he goes to you Pete I love how straight talking you are mate I don't need you to tell me but you know I've got great personality and it's in the bar I have a beholder I need you to tell me this right now someone called me ugly am I ugly what are you saying I mean it's not for for me to tell you at you know do you know what I mean like you know it doesn't matter whether I think you're attractive so what you're saying is I'm ugly no it's not for me to tell you that and it doesn't matter whether i think you're attractive or not yeah like mel robbins says get up in the morning have a look have a have a look at yourself in the mirror tell yourself you're not ugly yeah and hopefully you know if you believe you're not ugly then everyone else will believe you're not ugly yeah but for context if it's my my personal opinion.

28:54Yeah. Like I'm not, I can't speak for everyone and I can't speak for the population. And you know, I don't know what, but for me, you're fucking chopped. You're chopped. You are a, you're a, you're a, you're a chopped gangloid or whatever it was. What was it? Choppleganger. You're a choppleganger, mate. No, listen, it's difficult, isn't it? Because I always think this, you've all got, you've got some really classically good luck. Brad Pitt, for example, there was no one in the world that, will say he's not an attractive man. But being attractive and people finding you attractive are two conceptually...

29:30Very different things. Completely different things. He's classically a beautiful man. You can't... It doesn't matter whether he's your type or you can't say... But he's a good looking man. Could be boring as fuck. Yeah, but that's just a classically good looking... But that doesn't mean that he's got any sex appeal. It doesn't mean that there's anything interesting. Mate, Harry Styles. Perfect example. Yeah, but I think he's quite like... He's not the best looking guy in the world. No, but his sex symbol because the way he carries himself but his thing he has attractiveness is completely individual and subjective I call it the juice call what the juice the juice never heard you say that before what do you mean you call it the juice it's just like I think it's the thing that like people have where which I believe we could ask the girls in the room nope no no no I don't like it when you ask the girls questions this isn't a big deal would you say that it's actually more attractive like someone having that sort of like I can't remember I'm about to say like the not cheeky side but like you know when like they're like fuck you won't let it go guys you know they're a little bit like they've got that something that spark that's something that they have that you're like there is something that attracts me to you is that more important than physical looks but also i do think as well what it we have different types so in when it comes to women there's certain things that you find attractive i just do not and vice versa and that doesn't mean either is like you know whether someone is attractive or not it's some people have a preference for certain things and not others but I do think that personality and it sounds like one of them fucking bullshitty things the way you carry yourself presents is the most attractive.

31:02Yeah, or the juice is, it makes a huge difference. So this is the point. So I think the answer to this question in a round way is we would rather get with really unattractive people because they might actually be very attractive in their own way. Yeah, whereas an annoying person is just a c***. Yeah, and you can't change that either. No, because, you know, when you say unattractive, that could be your unattractive, which I could find really attractive. So actually, really, you're 100 % going that. Whereas annoying, everyone can agree when someone is annoying, can't they, guys? Yeah. Good? Yeah.

31:41Should we say goodbye? Thank you so much for joining us on this bonus episode of Staying Relevant, the podcast hosted by two best friends, myself, Sam Torson and Peter James Wicks. It's been an absolute pleasure. Great review. Follow us. Still all of that crap. You know the score by now. Bye. You are beautiful in every way. Not all of you. This has been a Staying Relevant production.

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34:08that's code giggly at opill.com birth control in your control we love to see it hey it's page to sorbo from giggly squad and this episode is supported by rothy's the brand famous for chic comfortable flats my listeners know i love to start an outfit with the shoes and there's nothing better than a great flat in the fall they're timeless they make everything look more polished and rothy's iconic pointed flat the point has been reimagined to be better than ever it now has a cushioned bouncy insole with much more arch support so it's comfortable enough to wear all day and the point comes in so many gorgeous colors patterns and textures discover the point at rothys.com that's r-o-t-h-y-s.com hello relevanters we wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of staying relevant every month on amazon music we are going to be playing And Snog, Marry, Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters.

35:07So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.