Pete responds to his viral moment

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0:41Welcome to Staying Relevant, the podcast hosted by two best friends, me, Sam Thompson, and a man who is really going to have to take the reins for this podcast. It's your very own Peter, James, Jonathan, Joseph, mother f***ing wicks. Is that Mike close enough, by the way? Hi, guys. Guys, this episode will contain swearing. If you don't like it, go f*** yourself. If you're wondering why we're talking about this, Sam's been on vocal rest, but he is feeling better. Just a little bit delicate. This is Monday's main episode. so you'll be able to watch this on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5pm on Wednesday and then there'll be a bonus episode which comes out Thursday audibly which you'll be able to watch on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5pm on Sunday make sure you rate reviewed all of that sort of shit we are very very happy to have you back mate it's good to be back I've really missed it I've really missed you well you're just in time but do this just with your mouth lip sync it you can catch us on a Monday Thursday Sunday Brilliant Brilliant Lovely Lovely stuff there mate You look fresh You look well You've got a new outfit You've got a new stylist You're wearing your slippers You've got an incredibly tight jumper on Your hair looks great Vocal rest has done you good You should do it more often Mate I was sat at home And I was thinking I've got to do something for myself So I just went and bought clothes And I just went You know what I'm going to come in And I'm just going to make Pete proud So I was like It's the first thing I said this morning.

2:23He came running in for a hug and I stopped him and went, you look great. He did. He literally did. He looked at me up and down and went, fucking hell, mate, you've made an effort. I was like, thank you. You look great. We are glad to have you back. Obviously, I know, you know, it's very painful. Sam is doing this. He's such a soldier because he's in pain. He's had major surgery where they sort of tickled his vocal cords and that. No, they put me to fucking sleep. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time. But he is back. He's struggling. some people take a lot of time off but Sam couldn't wait to be back here so whisper it to us sweetly, how are you feeling?

2:59I feel fucking great do you know what the worst thing about this is? I sound so depressed and I sound like I'm about to cry no no no, what you sound like is a normal man is this normal? I actually don't think, I'm going to be honest with you he says he went in for vocal surgery I think they just finally removed the bollocks from your stomach I think they finally dropped your voice is deeper, you sound more dulcet I feel like what you've done is you've watched the Nigella Lawson clips and gone, I want that. And then paid a doctor to give it to you. I'd have a Nige. So maybe we should redo the fucking Nigella with your new voice.

3:30Do you know what? I will say this, though. I feel like when I want to say like a bundle of ADHD words that comes to my mouth and I want to get re-energised, I can't do it. So I feel like I'm on ADHD meds. I feel like I've got to take things really slow. I just want to point out for anyone listening, as an ADHD ambassador, Sam is not promoting vocal surgery instead of meds as a way of looking off, of the way of helping you with your ADHD. I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what did fucking happen. I woke up after, because they knock you out when you do. I've never even put to sleep before, by the way.

4:07And again, anaesthetic. He didn't go to a backstreet doctor who chinned him. I've never had it before. I was so fucking nervous. Like, I know it's like not the biggest, like they just shove a scalp down your throat and cut something out but like i i was sat there and i was like shivering and the lady was like sam are you okay and i was like yeah no i've just never done this before i think you'll be absolutely fine don't worry like it's your first time everyone gets a bit nervous were you having sex with her hey do you want the person so she knew who i was which already you're in a bit of a vulnerable position when you're in that stage you're like okay you're fine and you have to can i just ask sorry when you're in this vulnerable position you know you're wearing the gown with your arse wanging out mate i've got the gown on and i've got these little briefs you know those little massage briefs you wear did you have the thermal socks the socks up to the knee socks up to the knee i had the little the little spanks that you have to wear the little fucking and and i woke up i woke up in the recovery room with my cock out you got your own cock out what had happened is the spanks had not spanks but like the little wire fronts that you wear had rolled up right when i sort of like slid down a little bit on the on the on like the recovery thing i've woken up my gown's open my things have rolled up so i've got like two bollocks and half a penis just like hanging out and i felt so sorry for the nurse because she literally came in she's like how are you and if you've like woken up from being zonked out you're obviously in a bit of a weird position so i was like yeah all good and i was inviting the surgeon to a Chelsea game.

5:41With your cock. With my cock hanging out. And I was like, yeah, like, I'd love you to come to a Chelsea game. So I got my fucking cock hanging out. It was the whole thing. It was so embarrassing. That no one else, like, no one else this would happen to. It's only you. It's so embarrassing. Well, look, you had the surgery. It all went well. And, you know, we're not going to go into it. I just want to point out as well. I know a lot of people were worried having seen Sam's stories and that with the gown and everything else. Did you like that? He didn't like that. Did I like it? I fucking, I nearly muted you again.

6:16But it was a minor surgery. It is a tough recovery because it's on vocal calls, but there's nothing wrong with him. Yeah, it was fine. Pete, I was thinking in my head, but I did the, I did like the mirror selfie with the fucking hospital gal on there. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, I was like obligatory hospital photo. And I was just waiting. and I didn't get it actually but I was waiting for the message from people and like you fucking loser but what you did do in the recovery because the recovery period you had three days vocal rest that was hell on earth so you had to write some notes I know you wrote to you know your sister asking for a key you didn't know what to do a few silent FaceTimes to the team which is nice where you just sort of you know brought the camera really close to your face for no reason because you weren't really saying that you were just didn't really know what to do did you get sort of messages from listeners?

7:07I did. I got so many messages. Yeah, well, that's why you put up the hospital gown. Well, you want to leave people wondering, don't you? Yeah, that's exactly what you want when you're in a hospital with your cock out asking your surgeon to do a Chelsea game. You also want lots of attention from the millions of people that follow you. Lots of people saying, Sam, I hope you get better, I'm sure. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what? Did anyone say, I hope you die? Do you know what? There were a few people who went, Pete's going to fucking ruin you when you get back to the pod. I was kind of joking with the photos.

7:38But even the way you just said that, they're kind of joking, but kind of like the attention. But also, you came into the office to whisper for a day, which was nice. Not distracted at all with the team. By the sounds of it, everyone was just going, what? And you go, no, Pippa's a fucking bitch. I'm going to put it out of my mouth. Okay, it's nice that you got your voice back. Excellent. It's louder. I walk in. It did go a little bit louder there, didn't it? No, it's just that I walk in. I just can't really say. Pepper's a bitch. Do you know where she comes in? I come in. I've literally had this fucking surgery.

8:07And she goes, speak up, mate. Can't hear you. Well, look, I don't want to say you deserved that, but you did. Because what you then decided to do, having had a few days of, and I gave you some time. You know, people was, you can't speak. What do you want me to do? I haven't got time. They get one message in pain. I haven't got time. Well, because I knew you were fine, because you were all over your Instagram, mate. It's not like I was, God, did he make it through the surgery? the minute you opened up you still haven't put your cock away and you're like I'm fine I'm fine do you know what I mean like I knew you were fucking fine it was absolutely fine all I could do I was just looking at your Instagram and all you were doing was eating seafood I thought well he can't be that fucking bad can he there's nothing wrong with him he's having another fish supper so anyway if you ever want to know how Sam is just look at Instagram because he'll put it all up there you know what I mean I didn't need the fucking phone call and what am I going to say to you anyway you can't fucking speak Just sit on a heavy breeze down the phone to me.

9:02I'm good, thank you. But then when he did get his voice back, what he decided to do was call me out. Oh, yeah. Call me out on Instagram. So what I will say is I'm very different to Sam. So you see when he puts up the hospital gown photos and he loves the messages from you lot saying, I hope you feel better. I did, I really appreciate it. When Sam says, can you contact Pete? Don't. Thousands. Thousands. And thousands of notifications and people. why don't you take your mate for dinner he's not been well he's not been well you should really see him I then went to the football got a picture you're an arsehole why didn't you go people started having a go at me because I chose to go because he'd invited me for fucking roast with him and his birds do you want to explain yourself Pete messaged me so basically I messaged Pete because I really do you know what I'm being deadly serious by the way I'd just like to point out as well I know he's been gone for a week I had it's only been five days since I'd seen this.

9:58It hadn't been long. It hadn't been long. Yes, five fucking days. And I don't know what it is. Well, I do know what it is. I really missed you. And not even like as a joke, I didn't speak for three days. And I know that's not the biggest deal in the world. You reckon? It really gives you, it just gives you some really introspective time, especially with me, because I never sit alone with my thoughts like ever. And I really missed Pete. And I was just like, do you know what? I'm going to just message him, see if he wants to go for a roast. I know he probably won't. We'll see what he fucking wants.

10:27and I sent Pete like a bit of a soppy message. Autumn's been like really proud of you, mate. And Pete replied to me, he goes, are you high on drugs? He was like, I thought you'd been on too many painkillers. You were taking too many meds. He went, no, I'm not coming for a fucking thing. I'll see you next week. And he was like, and he went, and then after the Instagram story went, I went, you're a fucker. You're such a prick. He literally went, no, I'm not fucking coming. I'm going to the football and you ruined my day. But this is the thing. Listen, I know like, And listen, we are very, very different in the way we handle things.

11:00Vocal rest for you, genuinely, without taking a piss, would be hell. Like, I can appreciate that because all you do is talk and talk to people. You're constantly on the phone. You're constantly like, do you know what I mean? Like, I do genuinely, not even taking the piss, know that that would have been really, really hard for you. Between Christmas and New Year, I voluntarily took six days out from speaking and didn't open my mouth and enjoyed every minute of it, which is the difference because I didn't speak to anyone or see anyone I loved that time but I do know for you that would have been really really tough I got really fucking in my own feels I'm not gonna lie I had a bit of a tear up I don't know why it was like you know when you just left sat on your own like I know Pete just said it he's like mate I fucking loved it I got really emotional and I started like writing down things I started drawing oh my god I started drawing I don't know what the fuck happened to me what the fuck were you doing what are we talking about tony tony the tiger i've like i've basically put youtube up and i try and you did what i put youtube up and i try and copy like on my notepad what the person's sketching and so i just like try and like like follow the instructions of how to do it and um and i always get like a quarter way through and i go fuck i'm good at drawing and then and then and then something will go off and i haven't followed the exact step and the notes just like ends up over there and I get so angry and I like fucking scribble all over it.

12:27Yeah, I start drawing. I don't know. It was, it was really tough. I really missed you. And I'm not even, I don't know. I mean, I don't know why it is, but I genuinely really miss Pete. And so I was like, let's see if he wants to go for a roast. He did. I mean, I'm going to be honest with you. It's. And I hadn't really thought about how good you were doing. I don't know what it was. So I've cut you off. I literally just sat there and went, God, he's doing really well, Pete. I was like, I'm so proud of him. Right. I just want to point out the thing that sparked Sam saying that was I went to the football because I don't normally go to things like that.

12:59Right. And I went with my old boss. Shout out to Louis and his brother Seb, who I hadn't seen for years and years and years. And we used to go to the football and stuff together and we used to play football together as well, which is madness. But so I went with him. That's what sparked Sam say. I'm proud of you that I went to a football game. I think that's really what it was because Sam's a big football fan. And I think it was like, this could be something new for us to enjoy together. It's not going to be. Oh, I'd love that. But yeah, Pippa apparently then didn't realise. Ellen, my manager, thought I'd been hacked when I put up a picture of the thing and messaged me saying, is everything okay?

13:32And I was like, yeah, I'm at the football. She went, I thought you'd been hacked. And someone had just put up a picture. Pippa decided to Google what football team I support. Tottenham, isn't it? Well, it is, yeah. But what actually, if you ask Google, it says, Pete Wicks has invested in and supports the Birmingham and Bay Sunday League team Great Bar United. So, I'm the GBU. And what the fuck are GBU doing, by the way? Well, they lost 9-1 at the weekend, because I do keep up with them in the cup. You're joking. No, I'm joking. I'm dead serious. Did they not? Yeah, 9-1. Listen, staying relevant, sponsor the GBU.

14:08They're in a quarterfinal. All right, good luck, boys. We love you. That is the only mention you're going to get until you win a game. It's like that guy who didn't shave. You see the Man United fan who hasn't cut his hair in like seven years. Maybe you could do that. Would you ever consider doing something like that? I haven't got enough hair, mate. Well, listen, but that's going to become cool again this year. Balding is not what you... It's not what you thought it was. It's not a negative thing. And I'll tell you why, because one of the most iconic film characters of all time is coming back this year with Toy Story 5 and Woody's going bald.

14:43My boy. My boy. You've got a picture. Have you seen the picture? I've seen the pictures. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the first thing I thought when he took the cowboy hat off in that trailer was, Sam's going to love this. Representation. Sam's going to love this because you're not alone, big boy. Yeah. You're not alone, big man. All right. If Woody can do it, so can you. Diverse. We love it. Not so diverse. No, we love it. You and the toys. It made me feel seen. It made me feel seen. Listen, there you go. I mean, I think it's incredible for you. I saw a guy in the cafeteria today and he had a bit of a bald patch up top, but like proper bald, sort of what I'm gearing towards.

15:21Oh no, you're there. I'm basically now acting as if that's the style choice. That sounded like you were working towards it. No, no, it's just something that, you know, it's something that I've always regretted. I've been working on for a while. It's a new style that I've been going for. You know, you can't just go straight on anything. You have to build up to it. Slow and steady, win the race. And I just thought, I looked at him and I went, yeah, you're rocking that, you're rocking that bald patch quite well. And I looked at it. I was with you, Pippa. I nearly wanted to go up to him and be like...

15:46Nice ball patch, man. Yeah. How are you doing that? How are you doing that? How are you doing that? Well, I don't think he can sort of control genetics. I just liked it. I liked the way you looked. You just liked it? Well, there you go, mate. Listen, you keep going with that fryer talk. We're all here for you. Woody from Toy Story, though, mate. Love that. I'm so about that. I'm going to be honest with you. As we all know, I do love Disney. Don't want to cry. I'm also a big fan of Toy Story. I know it's Pixar Toy Story, isn't it? Yeah. love Toy Story. It kind of lost me a little bit in Toy Story 4.

16:16Wasn't a massive fan but I'm hoping they come back strong with Toy Story 5 because 1 and 2 are really great. The third one was always a tough one but it was enjoyable still but the fourth one it kind of ended and I'm glad they haven't left it there because it left a real sour taste in my mouth. It's like Game of Thrones. Are you watching the new Game of Thrones? Oh absolutely not. No I haven't watched the first one. Has anyone watched it? Night of the Seven Kingdom? Oh my god it's fucking brilliant. Okay not one person in this room's watched it. Well, I suggest we move on then. It's fucking great.

16:45But I'm excited for Toy Story. I fucking love it. Although, I don't want to cry. Like, Toy Story is such a huge part of probably all of our childhoods. I don't want to fucking, like, you know when something ends, and you go, oh, no, I'm like a probably fully-fledged adult. Well, I mean, look, yeah. I don't want to be one. No, listen, I hear you. Who's your favourite character from Toy Story?

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18:10It's only in year 11. Year 11? That's 13. No, it's not. It's 15. Exactly, Sam. That was the joke, bud. Fucking hell. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Yeah, I mean, look. Yeah, I like that. I mean, my... I like Mr. Potato Head. Yeah. He's just a bit of a lad, isn't he? He's a boy. Yeah, a bit of a lad. The dinosaur fucks me off like you're fucking... I like the dino. Oh, what a pussy, man. No, he's not fucking out. The dinosaur is. He's always scared. He's a fucking dinosaur. Be a dinosaur, you fucking slag. Yeah, but sometimes he finds his mojo. No, he doesn't really find his mojo. He just has these moments of brief kind of like, ooh, and then go, no, not for me.

18:51Fuck you, man. But you can't be, listen, you know. Can't be Woody. You can't be Woody. Let's be honest with you. You can't be Woody. Although I do like that. Oh. The little aliens, they're good. The Clark. The Clark. The Clark. Another really exciting thing happening within the office. Everyone is very, very excited about. Well, everyone except for me. Shock. we are entering our running era. Now, this started with Pippa. I'm going to be honest with you. I know you may think, how did this start with Pippa? Considering we have the running man next to us who raised so much money for UNICEF, incredibly.

19:25Nothing starts without Pippa nowadays, to be fair. Not bitter at all. No, no, no, that was actually, that was meant to be nice. No, so obviously inspired by that. Pippa is a bit of a fitness freak. I know Kira does a lot of running. Sorry. No, do you know what? We're going from nice to wrong again. I'm sorry. Pippa is not a fitness freak. Are you joking? I saw her story the other day of her doing a stretch in the fucking middle of the road. I really enjoyed it. She's already done her fucking ankle. Well, listen, Pippa signed up to a half marathon and was really excited about this. Really excited about the fact that she'd signed up for this half marathon.

20:00It was kind of her moment to shine. You know, Stay in Relevant were always going to be behind her. She has now been overshadowed because now it's Sam's half marathon moment. You've reduced yourself to being an extra again. So we are now all supporting Sam on his half marathon journey. Sam and Pippa are doing a half marathon together. Do you know what? Can I just quickly say something? Pippa wanted me to do it with her. So I was like, yeah, sure. Do you know what? It's always nice to do something to train for. Well, listen, why don't we ask Pippa as she has a mic, whether that is factual information.

20:35I asked everyone to do the half marathon ages ago and everyone was like and pulled out but Sam said he'll run it and I said only if he runs next to me for the whole thing so that we can talk but I just know you're inevitably now at the last like 100 meters gonna do like a sprint finish and then pretend you've been waiting for me for like four hours at the end well um can can we say what who you're doing it for. Yeah, yeah, of course. Okay, and are you doing it for the same? Okay, so anyway, these guys are both doing this and what I am going to say, as much as I take the piss, they're in the running era, they are doing it for something incredible.

21:13If you haven't listened to this episode of the pod that we previously did, then I suggest you do because Pippa and Sam are going to be running for Be More Fab, which is an incredible charity, which was set up by a young girl and her family called Flory, who we know from the Pride of Britain, who is the most incredible little girl. And her family are amazing. And Be More Fab are an amazing charity. We're going to put up links and everything for everyone to donate. She's a friend of the pod, as is the family. And I think it's incredible that you're both doing that. I'm so, so proud of you both. I will be there at the finish line supporting you.

21:53And listen, I may not be running it, but what I will be doing is sponsoring you both for the charity because I think it's incredible. You're normally quite a generous sponsor as well. And what I will say as well, just about Be More Fab, because I won't do it justice if I explain to you what they actually do and who Flory is, please go back onto our YouTube and watch the episode we did with Flory. She came on to this podcast. and when I tell you she's the most infectious, beautiful, energetic, wonderful little girl who is doing amazing things with Be More Fab and her family are incredible. So please go and support these two running.

22:36But more than anything, please support Be More Fab. Yeah. And there'll be a running kind of theme coming up as we will listen to these two training. At the minute, Pippa has started the training. She's currently injured. Sam is off the back of vocal surgery. So at the minute, not too much running going on, but it will gear up closer to the time. The run is in May, so we'll be gearing up with that. And what I will say, I can't give you too much more, but there may be an opportunity for some of you to be involved with all of us in some sort of club. I don't know what that was for me. and let me tell you that is one of the worst kind of I've basically just done a Sam and told you what it is but to keep your eyes peeled in some sort of club we're talking about running and you could join a club now I don't want to give it away but something's coming and it's going to be fucking big yeah so keep your keep your eyes peeled for that as well can I just quickly just whilst we before we move on on that Pippa has done her ankling and and has somehow managed to siphon her way into my physio session.

23:49She's like, can you just put me in quickly? So she's getting a free fucking physio from my guy when I'm going myself. She shoehorned herself in for 15 minutes so you can have a look at her ankle. Well, this is incredible. And I love the fact that you've now got the hump with this. Let's just remember that you are the person that takes her to all your plastic surgery appointments. So it's only right that she actually goes for something she needs rather than something she doesn't. We could add one of those on after. We could have a second. Well, there you go. Excellent. Well, what a day out for the two of you, eh?

24:19What a day out. Physio and then Salmon Spunk together. Beautiful. Oh, God, this sounds great. Talking of Salmon Spunk, amazingly, it sounds like it's something I need. Oh, my God. Because I don't know if you've seen it, but I've gone viral this week because I'm 47 years old. This is something that I fucking died at. So I'm sat home. I'm over the moon that this happened whilst you're on vocal surgery because I couldn't deal with a phone call from you screaming in my ear about me being 47 years old. scrolling through my phone right and i'm just i'm so bored and this thing chops so it's joe marler podcast we all love joe marler really nice guy and um and and it's a clip of of joe being like how old are you pete says 37 if you ever seen the kevin hart meme where kevin hart goes dale it's like that and joe marler who himself looks about 45 47 47 turns around in in disgust at the fact that pete is the thing is we're having this conversation so joe's you know talking about this and i said well yeah and it was a genuinely serious part of the pod so so i'm there going well look yeah no i'm 37 and he goes you're 37 he like stopped the pod pete's talking about how like dating and i was single at 37 and i was like well yeah and he went what and i went oh you thought I was older.

25:37It was the comment next, which honestly shook me to my core. He went, I grew up watching you. And I went, how fucking old are you then? As it turns out, we both look like we're nearing 50 or think. Now, that's fine for us because we can have a laugh about it. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that over 12 million people would then watch that and all have an opinion on it. None of them are nice. A lot of them are, they both look 50. I'm fucking 20. But the worst part of it is, if you go through the comments and you look at the people commenting, someone going, fucking hell, yeah, look at the state of them.

26:16They both look dug up. I'm not even joking. I went on this person's fucking profile and you go on some of them, it looks like a thumb. How in fuck's name are you having an opinion on how old I look? Have a look in a fucking mirror, you horrible, horrible c***. What I love is, now you know if you troll Pete, he will have a look at your profile. Well, you know you're going to get his attention. We all have a laugh. But also, and just on another note, let's just make this serious, shall we? Yes, listen, we are, you know, a couple of fellas in the next rugby player and I'm one miserable ****. But imagine we were a couple of women and people started going, you're fucking, you look 60 now.

26:49Look at the state of you. Fuck, we've gone there, have we? Fucking, Jesus. Okay, here we are. I'm just saying. On their tube journey, listening to this. Listen, I'm just saying, or anywhere else you may be listening to this podcast. I'm just saying, you know, if you can't say anything. Don't say anything at all. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Mate, do you know what I couldn't believe? And Joe, we love Joe. We're friends with Joe. He'll laugh at this. Joe being 35 is blasphemy. There is no way that man is 35. He's two years younger than you. He's two years older than me.

27:28He's only two years older than me. Yeah, to be fair, I mean, it genuinely did. I think it shocked us both. I couldn't believe it. I thought it was in mid-40s. I thought he was joking when he first said, oh, you're 37. Because I thought, oh, yeah, funny, funny. Because I always say I look fucking 50 anyway. The genuine look of surprise on his face was, I've never really seen anyone mean it like that. He was genuinely shocked. But that I've grown up watching you made me. Firstly, it was making him sound like a 16-year-old girl and me like some old man. But I was just like, what the fuck? Anyway, so that's it.

28:05But let's look on the bright side of things because it's not all bad for me because this week, Essex County Council have actually named a dog walking trail after me. So you can go and do the Pete Wicks dog walk. Have you done the Pete Wicks dog walk? Not yet. I haven't opened it yet. Do you have to go and open it? Oh, it'll be opened. Do you know what I like from this is we've gone from opening kebab shops because that's something the Towie lot used to do back in the day. Made in Chelsea, they were busy opening Ferrari showrooms. We didn't have much better, but I feel like that was the Towie thing, wasn't it?

28:37Yeah, they had kebab shops. And now he's opening his own fucking dog walk. It's the Pete Wicks Dog Trowel. So we'll send you notes on that because I want pictures from people as they walk their dogs on the dog trail, of course. But I will be going to see it and we want you to go and visit it. You never know in the future we could organise a stand relevant dog walking session on the Peep Weeks dog walking trail. Very nice. And then you can all tell me how it was. So, yeah. I mean, if you were going to have something named after you, Sam, what would you like? Obviously, for me, genuinely, thank you to Essex County Council.

29:14That is really lovely. I love dogs. It's always nice to go and walk with dogs and it is an honour. But if we could name something after you, what would it be? if I could name something after me, would it be, I think that, God, I don't know, like a, a fortnight skin. That would be sick. Sorry? If you could name a foreskin after me, that'd be fucking brilliant. If you could, what do you mean? Have you seen the size of his Sam Thompson? Yeah, no, we had to snip his Sam Thompson off. I've got to be honest. No, a Fortnite skin. I'm still hearing foreskin. Fortnite skin is a, it's a game. It's a game that people play.

30:01It's like Call of Duty, but it's sort of like a bit more cartoonish. Josh, you'll know. Well, there you go. Listen. I'd love a Sam Thompson Fortnite skin. Let's try and work on that then, because then what you can do is you can get yourself a Sam Thompson foreskin and take it on the dog walking trail in Essex. It would be lovely. It's nice. Weirdest answer I've ever heard in my life. so there is something that I wanted to get your opinion on I saw something recently which is fucking mental I can't believe this is actually a thing in 2026 no less a nightclub right have introduced a six foot an overrule for men for entry that's a legit thing how does that make you feel as not being six foot well I mean there's no need for you to end with the you're obviously not six foot I'm clearly not either.

30:53I know. I feel really hurt by that. Actually, this is a really good way for me to address this. Because quite often what happens, because, you know, for some reason people have it in their head that I'm a really small man. A person of restricted growth. Perfect, yeah. I'm taller than Sam, but people still imagine I'm the short one here. Yeah, but I'm tiny. I'm a Thompson. Oh, yeah, you're not that fucking tiny like Louise. Jesus Christ. Louise is five. Louise is genuinely... She's effectively a dust mite. So, but I'm five foot ten. You're five foot eight. Five, eight and a half. Eight and a half.

31:32All right, so I'm not tiny, tiny, tiny, but obviously I'm not six foot. What do I think about this? Firstly, I think it's good for me based on the fact that it's a club that I can't get into, which will save me from being drunk somewhere else. I want to go. But, well, I'll tell you what the answer to that is. them insoles. Get yourself a set of Cuban heels and some stilts and we'll all have a night out there. I think it'd be so fun to turn up and try and blag that we're six foot. Josh, are you six foot? You're six foot. Six one. You're six foot. No need to add the fucking number. All I need to know was can you get in the fucking club?

32:09I didn't need your exact measurements, you fucking dick stick. Do you know what fucks me off? So he can go and tell us about it. Do you know what just pisses me off is when fucking people who are six and above, of like the smugness that they fucking say they're hiding. Even Josh, who's like the loveliest guy, even you just then, he's like 6 '1". In the same respect, you say that people above 6 '1", but you've just done the opposite of that, which is anyone that is quite sure. And when I go, well, you're 5 '8". 0.5". You've given yourself the half. But we have to. Yeah, but do you know how unfortunate I am?

32:43I've met your mum and I've met your dad, neither of which are particularly tall. So you've actually done quite well, really. My dad is six foot three and my dad's dad's, my granddad's six foot seven. So my dad's side of family, big, tall. My mum, you've met my mum, very small. My mum's dad was about five foot seven. I've gone sort of a little bit above, to them, I'm giant. How unfortunate is that? I could have been six one. And do you know what? I just saw a piece of face there. But yet again, just like my fucking life, I've never quite made it. Yeah, I know the feeling. Like everything I do, it's always just the nearly man.

33:26But do you know what? It's these fucking bastards, these six foot and above bastards who just think that they can swan around being six foot and over. But, all right, let me ask you this then, before we go. No, I'm fucking pissed. I don't like tall people. They really piss me off. Well, look, you know, men that want to go to this club, if there's anyone listening, you will be measured at the door. all right um and there's nothing there was nothing cooler than that is going up to a club it's bad enough when you're not on the fucking list but imagine going up there and going sorry make too short um nothing worse than that all right that that so that is so you're having a lot of risk that's one off you've got a tiny penis so so so what i would suggest you do is only go if you're above six if you're trying to get in and you're not making it it could be one of the worst experiences in your life.

34:15That's so good. Sorry if you're too short. Obviously, the first event was sold out, which is amazing. Well, I'll tell you what, yeah, the majority of the people that I imagine were at the event were women because all women want is someone tall, dark and handsome. They're not interested in sort of personality. Small balding and, yeah, small balding and funny. You know what I mean? We don't get a fucking look in, do we, mate? We don't get a fucking look. The couple of small, funny borrowers over here get absolutely fucking... Do you know what? It's the TikTokers. who sit there. Yeah, fuck them. They sit there and they fucking go and they go, I just want someone who's 6 '4 and works in finance.

34:51And you're like, do you know how hard it is to be 6 '4? Yeah, but also, can I just point this? Someone that's 6 '4 and works in finance ain't looking at a TikToker. Fuck you. So don't fucking worry about what we're doing. Worry about your fucking self. Short kings forever. Well, I don't know what that was. Yeah. Well on that note I think we've had a rant That we've agreed on For the first time ever Although I really want us To all try and go to the club And see what happens I really Imagine if like Josh Strosen And me and Pete Get like wrestled Yeah but do you know What the worst part of that is You know full well Just for me Out of embarrassment I will be there Yeah You'll get it In stilts And I'll get in Stilts Me and Pete will go You know one of those Like investor gadget Yeah yeah yeah We'll go in an open Sam will be on my shoulders In a fucking Mac Just going You know of course I am Six foot.

35:42I've actually come up seven foot three. Maybe we. And then we'll get in there. He'll hop off me shoulders and we won't be able to reach the bar because they've raised it. Seven three. Two tequilas. Two tequilas. Seven three is so good. Should we move on? Because I think we've had enough. I genuinely think we should go there on it and me and Pete should actually put a trench coat on and film it. I would love to. We could have a go. Right. That's so funny. So thank you for listening to Staying Benefit with Pete Wicks and Sam Thompson. If you want to feature in the podcast, then email hello at srproductions.co.uk subscribe follow rate 5 stars do all of that stuff I think it's actually been one of the best which is really worrying it's actually I bet you we get a million coins but I've fucked up the structure beautifully love them and leave them guys we love you so much have the most wonderful tube journey ever or wherever you're listening to this fucking podcast and we will see you next week we love you so much I'm so glad to be back we've missed you well I've missed you see you soon this has been a staying relevant production the podcast industry has spent years arguing about formats the thing is podcast audiences never cared 88 of them now consume audio and video not only that 63 of them have started an episode in one format and finished it in another format and then three quarters of those have switched app mid-story to do it they're not picking a format they're picking whatever best fits the moment they're in.

37:10ACAST's latest research in Podcast Pulse 2026 maps four of these moments and what each one gives back to a brand. Get the full report at acast.com slash pulse. Hello Relevanters! We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog Marry Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one genie.

37:49I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.