Pete's Christmas party scandal is exposed

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1:38Welcome to Staying Relevant, the bonus episode hosted by two best friends, me, Sam Thompson and Peter Wicks. That's sort of become a staple now, hasn't it? Yeah, yeah, I don't enjoy it. It's there to stay. Yeah. This is the bonus episode, which means it's Thursday, You'll be able to watch this on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5pm on Sunday. And obviously the main episode, which came out Monday audibly, is available on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel as of 5pm last night, which was Wednesday, which means that you can catch us on a... Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. Make sure you rate, review, follow, do all of that crap.

2:16You know the score by now. Obviously, this is the bonus episode, so we'd like to make it about you. It's where you can get in touch with us and we pretend we care. So if you want to do that, then email the worst email address in the world, which is... Hello! At srproductions.co.uk. Nicely done. We didn't even rehearse that. That was really good. I really enjoyed that. I say I really enjoyed it. I mean, I tolerated it. It was good. Shall we crack on with the emails? Let's do it, boys! And girls. And girls. Big fan of the pod, merch and the book were top of my Christmas list. So thank you very much.

2:49Oh, see if you've been a good girl.

2:54What?

2:58That's not how it works, is it? Well, yeah, not yet. If you're a good girl, you get what? The merch and the fucking book. If you've been naughty girl, you'll get Help I Shagged My Mum's book. Ah. Or Help I'd Like to Shag Pete.

3:18Should we go back to the email? Oh, God. I saw this week that they banned social media for under... This is intense. They banned social media for under-16s in Australia, which got me thinking, how would you handle Olive and Rose having socials? Would you monitor their accounts when they're under 18? Godspeed from Katie. This is a fucking good question. I already know my answer. Absolutely yes. Watching them like a hawk. Well, I actually beg to differ. Really? Because I think what you will do is teach her. The ways, sort of the TikTok way. You will want your child to have an active TikTok in every platform from, I would say, age three.

4:02I don't know. You can monetise that shit. I know, but you know what, mate? I feel like... You'd be a dance mum of the social media world. You're doing great, sweetie, in the background of her lip syncing a TikTok. I genuinely think that I'd actually not like them to have any social media up until 18. I do think that. Don't be so ridiculous. I'm being deadly serious. Sam, Sam. I want them to go outside and play. I had the most amazing childhood. I was in the park. All right. Well, they wouldn't need it because what they would do is feature on your fucking social media. And that we can do. Nonstop.

4:33We can make that one work. On your social media, nonstop. It would be, do you know what I mean? I'll tell you what, it'd be great for the optics. It'd be brilliant. And I just, I don't like the idea of creepy dudes sliding into little Rosie's fucking DMs and like me not knowing about it. Like I would need to know. Even if they're boys from her school, I'd be like, I want to know what their intentions are. So you would monitor, or you don't want them to have social media or you would monitor it. So you would have access to it. I think I'd have access to it. I'd be like, look, below 18. And the moment you hit 18, you can take it back off me.

5:07So there'd be you flying through and opening and deleting all the dick pics before Rose has had a chance to view them. Absolutely, yeah, like a combine harvester, just chopping them out that you wouldn't believe. What about that weird thing where people make them fake accounts just to follow, like burner accounts? What, is she on a burner account? So you could follow what she's posting, because she may not want Daddy to fucking see. She may make herself private, and she might want that. I mean, Uncle Pete will be following, but will she allow Daddy, as in you, to follow? Or will she be like, no, Dad, listen, let me have my space and independence, Dad.

5:42I would say to her, I'd be like, look, Rose, you can have your independence. That's absolutely fine. I understand that. I'm not here to be a helicopter parent, but having said that, until you're 18, you're living under my roof, I get to have access to your social media accounts so I can be across the kind of lewd things that may be coming in. And, you know, if you want to, if she wants to post, whatever she wants to post, that's fine. I don't mind. I just want to know who's messaging her. Okay. What about you? I mean, surely, Well, Olive will be the fruit of my loins. Yeah. You don't want her being around anyone else's loins.

6:18So she... Especially not 15. Not where I was going with it. Oh, right, okay. I imagine she'll be like, fucking dad, I don't need social media. She won't want it. Is where I'm thinking. That's... When I say thinking... I... I... Believe and trust in Olive. Okay. And I feel like she will be responsible enough to have it. But I feel like I would just, ignorance is bliss is kind of my opinion on that. And just, I trust you. But, you know, mate, you trust her, but you trust other people. No, but I trust her to make good decisions. Okay, what, 15? At 15, I trust her to make good decisions. And at 15, you know, yeah, I would hope so.

7:04I think really... that's what you do when she's like dad can i get social media be one of them chair taps i wouldn't want to know because i wanted to have a privacy and do you know i mean you know kids these days they they all you know chat and do their fucking thing don't they there's no difference when i was blue eyes 69 on msn yeah that doesn't even shock me either by the way i don't even think that's made up i think that's legit. Fully legit. Blue eyes 69er. You know, I feel like it's a learning experience for and I think I would just have to go with it and trust and hope that she makes good decisions.

7:45I'm going to literally be on Rose's Instagram and see like a DM from blue eyes 69 and be like, fucking. Well, I won't. Yeah, I mean, I'm no longer blue eyes 69 and if I was, I wouldn't be DMing your daughter.

7:59But now the way you're looking at me makes me feel like It makes me feel like you need to know that she's safe with me without fear of things. Of course she is. Of course she is. Okay, I've got one last question on this one. So Olive gets a dick pic. Yeah. And you've seen it. She gets a dick pic through to her phone, and it's from a boy who's at the school. He's 18, and she's 50. Well, I imagine if he's 18, he probably shouldn't be at the school anymore. Sorry, 17. He's 17. He's been kept back a few years, has he? He's 17. Well, then I know who he is. You know he's at the school. You even know the parents.

8:38I know the parents. His dad's getting absolutely fucked. What, in the arse? No, no, no. I will bury his father and I will make him watch me beat his father to a pulp. Yeah. Because, unfortunately, he's underage. But then I will wait until he's 18. And on his 18th, I will fucking murder him. Murder him. I feel like it's justified. Yeah, well, yeah. But he's kind of at the school. it's kind of like they're the same sort of like. No, they're not. There's a three year age gap. She's 15. She's 15. She does not need to see the fucking purple headed warrior from your son. Purple headed warrior. What do you do if the principal, oh, this is a good one.

9:24If the principal, then I'll burn the school to the ground. If the principal, the headmaster goes, Pete, I'm really sorry. I know you're at work. I know you're off. I know you're at work. I know you're off. Yeah. I know you've just been filming a fucking, a dance video with your mate. I'm so sorry to interrupt your TikTok video. Sorry to interrupt. Could you come in please? Yeah. Well, I'm quite busy today. That is the worst thing is, that's what it's going to be. So sorry. I'm sure you're in minutes. Yeah. Let me just get out of this pig costume and I'll, I'll pop right in. Listen My parenting You know I think it leaves a lot To be desired And you know I'm just working My way through it You know You're a single parent as well I'm doing the best I can Yeah Are we talking about Storks and shit Like you know Obviously you've got to Have that conversation Storks Yeah you've got to have That conversation About where babies Come from and stuff That's the birds See that is a normal Parenting conversation Birds and bees Is how do you have That conversation Yeah periods Again we did that one And I said vending machine I don't know Oh yeah didn't we just Yeah An Auntie Pippa.

10:31Yeah, I'd probably drag in one of the girls there and be like, look. I wouldn't drag her, I mean. I'd probably ask her if it was coming nicely. It's not a great look. Tampax from Cornpack. Tampax from Cornpack. Isn't that an advert? Tampax from Cornpack. What? Compack. Oh, Tampax Compack. Yeah, not Cornpack. I swear there was a TV out there. Tampax from Cornpack. It's still Compack. Oh, it's Compack. Tampax and Cornpack. I'd be happy for her to have socials. Okay, you'd like her to have socials. I wouldn't like her to. That's all you need to say. Sam and Pete, first off, thank you so much for making me laugh every single week of 2025.

11:10I found your pod at the end of last year, started from the very beginning and now listening in real time, which brings me to my next point. I'm really enjoying advent calendar reviews on TikTok at the moment, and it got me thinking, what would each of your dream advent calendars be? Oh, Kido Bueno. Big Love, Jamie. Or Lindor. Or Dairy Milk. Oh, right. I just do it with chocolates rather than me. A Guinness. Okay, so pizza's a Guinness one. Guinness advent calendar. Oh, my problem. I mean, how amazing would that be? In all honesty, it is every day. But I'll tell you what I'd really like. Like if it's a dream scenario, then what this would be is a Guinness Advent calendar, but there's an actual barrel behind it and you open the door and there's just an empty pint glass and you press a button and then it pours the perfect pint every day.

12:04That's a great... So there's 24... How many did you get in an Advent calendar? 24. Did you get Christmas Day one as well? Mine usually do. I've never seen one. What? I don't know how many... I've never had an Advent calendar. Well, actually, what's interesting to say that, because we actually have quite a few Advent calendars that I'm almost certain, because I know you pretty well, that you're going to quite enjoy. You love an advent calendar. So bring them in, Kira. I mean... That one's yours. What, this? Oh, yeah, sure. That one's yours. I've got the biggie. Okay. Right. Blue balls. No. Barbells.

12:46So we've just been given three advent calendars, There's one each and then a sharer. I better crack them open. So let's start. Mine are actually very good. Oh, it's big. It's fucking expensive. I have got a shortbread calendar because one of my favourite sweet treats is shortbread. What's happened there? Sweet treat coming out of your mouth. Listen, if I'm going to indulge in a sweet treat, then I do like shortbreads. Big fan. Visually, I'm going to say Walker's shortbreads. I mean, as you open it up, almost like a sort of a book of sweet treats, it looks wonderful. Like, it feels expensive. Now, what's the date?

13:37So it's the 10th. So I've got 10 shortbread, I'm allowed. We'll start with number one.

13:46what's nice is they're individually wrapped and this oh this is a chocolate chip shortbread on day one we could be a while we've got 10 to get through do i need to review each one straight for 25 oh there's no 25 on mine oh yeah shame so

14:08considering pete's the one who's never had an advent calendar that looks far more that's good Nothing in 24. Maybe it's fallen down. That's awesome, that is. Maybe it's fallen down. Oh, my God, what could it be? Just a hole. I'd just like to point out I was right. They don't go up to 25. They only go up to 24. Right, so why did you all tell me fucking 25? Sam, I don't think that's how you're meant to. So, 20. There's not even anything in there. They've actually missed 24. 24. Well, I'll just crack on while Pete's opening his. I've got a really cool advent calendar from Barbells if you want a protein if you want a protein protein bar well you're proud of the progress mate it's been a big year for you you went on a gym journey alright and this is just celebrating 24 days to celebrate alright and imagine imagine how protein filled you'll be by Christmas Eve as well like you've got to think about this mate because Christmas a lot of people they let the old fucking gym go and this is just reminding you listen, don't let all that hard work, you know, a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.

15:14And really for you, mate, that's just continuing the journey through Christmas, keeping you focused. I think barbells have done a really good job there. Do you know what? And it's a big old fucking thing. Look at the size of that. I really, I really appreciate, I actually genuinely appreciate the fact that we've been sending these things.

15:30Come on. Love, honey. Sorry, can you just take that because I can't put it on board. Right, okay, here we go, Pete. Right, so the joint one though, Who's it from? Indulge in pleasure. Love honey. It looks like quality street. No, it's love honey. It's sex toys. Oh, fuck. Indulge in pleasure. Treat yourself to pure pleasure and delight your senses with an indulgent treat concealed inside each mystery. I just would rather go for chocolate. Excellent. So a dildo a day keeps the doctor away. Let's see. Wonderful. Number one. I'll give you it to open number 20. Oh, they're individually packed up. Nice.

16:03Actually, you could do. What we got on this day one. So this is just a foreplay. Oh, it's a bullet. Eh? Nice. Well, I could put it. So. Some call it cheating, but I don't. It's not cheating. Never understood that. Stop trying to just, stop trying to make it harder for us. I don't know. I'm, okay. I have so many questions and we're only on day one. I love a bullet that you've put in your pocket. Secondly, you didn't have to say that on the, it's an audio book. You didn't have to say that I've actually taken one of the toys. Yeah. I don't know if it's your first time on the pod, but it's also all recorded.

16:49There's a camera directly on you. It's not like you, you secretly just pops the bullet. Can we do? No, no, no. Before you open up more. The big one. No, no, I know. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So, so you put the bullet in. What do you mean? It's cheating. So some, some people say that the,

17:07So the cheating, go back to me on bullets. So what do you mean? It's cheating when you put it in your missus or it's cheating because you're putting it in yourself? No, some people think that it's cheating if you're using a bullet. Who, what, as in cheating? That's true. Right, so when you say, okay, this is why I'm confused. So cheating as in adultery or cheating as in you've made her come, but you've got assistance? Yeah. Right, got you. I wasn't confused because I thought you meant using a sex toy. It was adultery. But what you meant is it's cheating because finally she's come.

17:40I don't know anyone else that thinks that either. But let's move on. I imagine you know this is.

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19:59Certified to operate by Shev.

20:07Well, yeah, this is to make sure you're not a shellfish lover. For those listening to the podcast, it's a clam. Yeah, it is. Who the fuck? I'm sorry, because I love honey as well, but I don't think they paid us. Who the fuck's gone out and bought a love honey calendar? Do we think that maybe a double was too much for today? Because you seem to have turned into me. So few. He's like, wow. Not happy with any of the free gifts. Don't show in the fucking SpongeBob cape, for God's sake, because that'll end up up the wall. I just can't understand. Why are you not just happy with the fucking chocolate one?

20:47Okay, so what we've learnt from this is your Advent calendars go. I'm walking here, though, just to see. Okay, so what we're learning here from the Advent calendars, and I'm sorry, Jamie, because I know you love the TikTok reviews. We've tried to do our version. But what's happened here is Sam is now leaving angry with a pocket full of sex toys. But what we have learned is he prefers to be traditional and he's just happy with a sort of a Cadbury's advent calendar. So in future, no protein, no sex toys. Just give the man his chocolate. I wish you would stop licking and smelling the clam. I'm just smelling it.

21:24It smells very fresh. Well, that is good. It just smells very fresh. When you're opening a sex toy, freshness is kind of what you want. I'll just be honest with you. All right. I mean, look, I feel like for, you know, that advent calendar is more you than me currently because I don't need any of that to have a wank. But I think you should re-wrap those. No, because my mistress would turn around and be like, what the fuck is this? She'd go, hey, December's a spicy month for you, big boy. I don't think there's any need to go, like, above and beyond in, like, an odd way. She's into fitness. Maybe, listen, say to her, you're going to need this.

22:04You need to keep your energy up because we've got this to look forward to. Yeah, basically, it's the fucking starters. No? All right, we'll move on. But you know what I love? It's just that, like, this is so staying relevant, isn't it? That we, like, we just don't get sent anything that, like, we get sent the sex toy calendar and the protein bar. There's a jam one that didn't arrive in time. Oh, fuck. Listen, nothing says Christmas like a pot of jam. Every day is a different flavour of jam. 24 different jams? How do you get 24 different jams? Name as many jams as you can. Jam. Yep, 24 of them.

22:47Raspberry jam, strawberry jam, blueberry jam, blackberry jam, strawberry jam. I think, did we do strawberry? I'm still going. All right, we're on four. Apple jam, pear jam, marmalade. Is that a jam? Plum jam. Plum jam. Fucking hell. See what I mean? See, now you want the fucking jam. I always wanted the jam. I would take a jam. See, this is where you got it wrong. What you did was you gave him protein bars and sex toys and all the man wanted was some jam. Yeah, exactly. Christ. All right, you know for next year. Anyway, shall we move on? On to something. That was a little bit of excitement for Sam and I.

23:30We've opened some advent calendars. Sam's playing with his clam. Bullet for later. I don't even know where that goes. This is something, because we like to give back here at Stare and Relevant. We like to give back. And I'll tell you why. Why do we give back? Because who are they? Our community and our family. There he is. There's my man. So this is a present from us to you. So to finish the year off, we are inspired by Pippa. She's taught us how to be proper influencers. So we are hosting our first ever giveaway. So you need to head over to our Instagram to check that out. So the best part of the giveaway for all the kind of SR gifts and all the rest of it is you get a signed book, Sam and Pete Dishycroft and maybe a pair of their pants.

24:19They're not getting pants. they are getting pants from both of you what like worn if you want no what do you mean they're getting pants under lock of your hair they're not getting any of that so you need to get involved then head to staying relevant podcast on Instagram now in traditional staying relevant I'm going to let Sam read out what we're giving away here because you're right there yep he's just fitting with his cram it'll be a minute but you would imagine the Stanbylund giveaway would be shit. It's not. When I say giveaway, I mean we've actually, this is quite a good giveaway. I don't know how we've pulled it off based on the fact we've just, Sam is twiddling a clam, but Sam, what are we giving away?

25:07What's in the giveaway? So we're giving away a DeLonghi coffee machine. That is fucking incredible. I'm going to be honest with you because the DeLonghi make very good coffee machines. I'm a coffee snob and I fucking love a good coffee. I've got a collection of three here that I'm sampling. He actually is. He's literally got three on that. Now, we love an advent calendar. You know, ours have not been as successful, apart from the shortbread walkers. Thank you. Space NK fragrance advent calendar. Don't know what that is, but what's Space NK? Very high-end makeup and beauty brand. Very high-end.

25:42So that's one for the ugly kids. We've got a Chamney Spa voucher. We filmed there this year. Remember, we did that. We were at Shemney's. Lovely. Go get yourself a little massage. Fucking lovely place to stay. You've got a perfect Ted matcha. So there you go. So what you can do with the perfect Ted matcha, which sounds, I mean, is that Ted as in like TV Ted? Are we giving away matcha with Ted? It's a very, very high end, very good matcha brand. So we've got some matcha. so you can have a little bit of this and yap. You know, like Sam, you love a body of water. You love a this and yap. Another big one.

26:23It was sampled and tested before we put it in the giveaway because we, listen, we want to give you good stuff. It was sampled by Pippa and her fellow team of influencers. They went to... Sheesh voucher. And had a fabulous night. Pippa, tell everyone how good the food was. Very high end. Very high end. I feel like, just so that we don't repeat ourselves, all of this very high end. All right. So now this is one for Sam and he went out of his way to secure this for you. Yeah. Paddle. Sorry, paddle set. It's a paddle set. Paddle set. So now for those of you that aren't up with the kids, that isn't just sort of like an oar for paddling in a boat.

27:02This is a paddle set. So a couple of rackets, I imagine, and a shuttle ball, cock, whatever you play with. Very good. All right. And let me tell you, before Pippa does, it's high end. 20 ,000 Avios points. That's a big one because look what it did for us. It paid for our holiday, all right? Because every day pays for your holiday with Avios. It does indeed. 40 European destinations you can go to. And imagine there's 40 different European. Sam, name 40 European destinations. You get a book, a dishy cloth, a pair of Sam's pants and a lock of what's left of his hair. So listen, and let me tell you, they are very high-end pants.

27:44All right? So as giveaways go, in all seriousness, quite good. Not bad at all. We've got a good little haul there for people. Yeah. So what you need to do to get involved is head over to Staying Relevant Podcast on Instagram, where you'll get all the details of what needs to happen for all of that sort of stuff. You do need to do a couple of things for it, like subscribe and follow and do all of that crap. But I don't think that's too much to ask when you're going to get a DeLonghi coffee machine or the opportunity to go to 40 European destinations. Or you can go and have matcha with Ted. Wow.

28:14A this and yap. Yeah, a this and yap. You know what I mean? Smell good, then have a massage. You know what I mean? It is, for me, I mean, look at that for a day. So you can get up, have a coffee. Oh, fucking smelling good for the day because I've got to go and have a fucking matcha with Ted. Then after that, me and Ted are going for a massage. Then for dinner, you can go to Sheesh and have a little spray. Then the next morning, because this is a weekend, then you can go and play paddle in the morning with your new fucking racket and balls and that. And then in the afternoon, you can sit and have another matchup with Ted because he hasn't had enough the day before.

28:43And you can sit and describe where you and Ted want to go. 40 different locations you could potentially go to. Then in the evening, because you're so happy about booking European destination, one of 40 that you could go to, you can both have a lovely night in together, wear matching pants, sniff Sam's hair and cum.

29:03If that's not something that you don't dream of, then I used to do sales for a living GBU won a cup game recently but also I think I think I'm right in saying they've also won a league game now wow fuck me so that can stay that photo is going to stay on the little board there I think it may be a Christmas miracle it may be sorry I'm just too I'm so excited about that fucking coffee machine I do think I do think it is a Christmas miracle it can stay up there what I am going to do and I think it's a good time to announce now Sam don't you think that we made a decision on whether or not we would continue sponsoring them and our decision is well you're the one who made the decision so what's the decision I'm just are we carrying on we haven't made a decision so it's whatever you say now yes there you go we're going to carry it on there you go you know it was we're going to carry it on have they asked for more not yet no no we're just going to continue because I did say if they didn't win by Christmas, then I'm fucking it all off.

30:09But we'll continue. You can continue to wear the shirts. And whilst we're all talking about shirts, if you haven't seen, we are going to restock because I know they've sold out. We've got the GBU shirts that are available on our merch store. And for the record, £10 of every shirt, we don't earn anything from them. £10 of every shirt goes to our charities, which is ADHD UK and Dogs Trust. So you're supporting GBU because we're taking them to the Premier League, remember? and you're supporting things that are very close to our hearts and you get to stay unrelevant in a big sort of pink sort of, you know, not best material, but it's a football show.

30:45So that's all great. Can't believe they fucking won. I know. Good lads. Well done. Our pep talks have worked. I just feel like they felt quite bad, to be fair, recently. So they fucking should. Let's be honest. Do you want to give them a pep talk? No, I feel like they've had enough. They've had enough pep talks. All right, good. So question time. Question time. Oh, this is a good one. Main thing, Pete, you remember wanting for Christmas as a kid? Mine's fucking boring, to be honest with you. I just want to... No, actually, no, do you know what? I'll go into it. Do you know what I really wanted?

31:22I remember... I don't know if anyone will remember these. Do you remember them weird little puppets? Give us more. god this could be an age thing again they were like furry long-legged puppets i can't remember what they were fucking called furry there's a specific name but they were all they were all the rage when i was a kid furbies no it was oh young these here you go perfect Where are they? You remember these?

32:05I know. They had a stick. They had a stick. And they were just these weird puppets. They used to move around on a stick. I actually do not know. Do you remember? I thought I was going mad then. Yeah. Do you remember? I must have been really young. Fucking dying for one. Fucking dying for one. Did I get one? Did I fuck? Didn't see that being something that Pete wanted though. Yeah. Just like. Well, I was going to say something really boring and just normal things. I never remember. It's the only thing I ever really remember, wasn't it? And did you not remember the yo-yo craze? The old X-Brain yo-yos.

32:33Yeah, you used to love a yo-yo. Wanted a yo-yo. I could never make it go down and stay down. Oh, mate. I used to rock the cradle around the fucking world. What did I want? Do you know what? I always wanted a... I was well into my diggers back in the day. and or like my construction site like toys. So I wanted a cement mixer when I was a kid. Well, like a real one? No, like a plastic one. So I used to just put soil in my little plastic cement mixer as it went round. I was over the moon with it. Were you like quite an imaginative kid that you would like recreate? You could give me anything and I'd literally be like, this is amazing.

33:16No, but I mean like you know when you're used to playing, you're like, I always think this, you know, like they say kids like role playing all that and they'd like dolls and oh this is look at him walking and making a fucking thing and I never did that I was like well it's a doll innit oh I did I wouldn't have given my puppet like a voice and a name and that I'd just been like oh look it's like furry and that look I'm making a puppet go I had a Lego castle that I like built and then I I basically like made a whole world of just that one castle I feel like you're yeah I never did Lego what oh mate you missed out I just yeah Yeah, it was just never really, Lego never really got me.

33:55This next question is, Pete is definitely going to say yes to this one. Have you ever been to a proper Christmas party, Pete? Fuck yeah. What were they, yeah? Did you enjoy them back in the day? Everyone used to just get hammered and it would be towards the end. It depends when you do the Christmas, because a lot of people now, because it's very hard for Christmas parties, they have their Christmas party in November. Do you know what I mean? So then you still have basically a month of work. So I feel like they've gone right downhill. but back back in the day but when you do christmas parties right before like we're doing our christmas party on our last day of work that's when people go a bit wild because they know they haven't got to see anyone until the next year so you've got a couple of weeks off so what used to happen in these big christmas parties and certainly in some of the ones that i went to is people will go a little bit mental shag people do whatever and then not have to think about it because they wouldn't have to go to work the next day yeah and then in january you come back and that's going to be awkward because did you hear about Karen?

34:49She sucked off. And it's wild, isn't it? Because everyone used to fucking know as well. Used to literally go and like shag or like get with someone and it'd be the talk of the office. By the way, I'm just guessing here, but like it'd be the talk of the office. It's quite awkward if you do it sort of November 15th and then you don't break up for Christmas until December the 20th and then you've got six weeks of everyone going, you shagged Dave on Friday. Whereas actually if you do it on the last... Don't you have a girlfriend? Yeah, do you know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. How's your boyfriend feel about that?

35:16but when you used to do it right at the end of the thing people go a bit fucking wild and also people just kind of lose the plot at Christmas parties I feel like what was your character if you had to sort of like choose your character for the Christmas party what were you were you sort of like the getting an argument with the person that you always used to hate at work and you finally get it out were you the I'm gonna get with the person I've always had a crush on in the office were you the say something embarrassing to the boss kind of guy it depended at what stage in the company i was because i think you have different stages of the company of of of how you act at the christmas party i think when you're kind of fairly fresh and new it's kind of like you just want to kind of shag the one you've always fancied yeah then as you start going up you start thinking oh god i need to make sure people aren't shagging the ones in the company and then you get to a point where you then go do your speeches um because you need to say thank you to everyone for the thing and then have your own party i mean i went to one christmas party where we become quite a big um company and you know direct set to a speech but we'd hired that whole hotel so everyone was staying so and this hotel by the way it was the hilton at gatwick because there was 200 rooms and it was a huge company at the time because we had all the offices come down so you've got 200 it was the whole hotel is just for the company so everyone's staying there that is a recipe for disaster imagine the in-room after parties going on at different fucking points people sneaking around all working together.

36:43Everyone, people come from the Manchester office suddenly meets the London office, but you've all spoken to each other on the phone and then suddenly, do you know what I mean? It was fucking chaos. We're talking like complaints, smashed up rooms. Like for a Christmas party, it was wild. I love an office Christmas party because I think they are unhinged, I think is probably the best word because people go a little bit like, do you know what I mean? Like the accounts team who are quite often the most boring people that you would choose to avoid. And then when they're on the night out. And then I tell you what, you give them a couple of fucking glasses of champagne and suddenly you've got Judy from accounts with her tits out, fucking straddling fucking...

37:21Darren, who is the fucking HR guy. And he's going, oh, no HR today. Do you know what I mean? While Judy's pissing on his face. It's mental. Because people just lose the plot. So I tell you what... Well, you can imagine what our party's going to be like. Slightly different for us because we're smaller. But I think when you get bigger, it gets a bit, people go a bit wild and you do, there's always, there's a guaranteed fight, there's always. Is there? Yeah, mate, like, yeah, when two people, but I'll tell you where the fighting doesn't happen when you are kind of new to a company or you're just kind of starting off a company.

37:54The fighting and the egos come as the higher up you get so you get like managers from different offices who kind of do the same job or fucking, well, do you know what I mean? I perform better than, no, no, no, my fucking team perform better and it starts over saying really, and then you end up outside and you've got two fucking middle-aged men with their derbies hanging out rolling about in a car park. Do you know what I mean? It's fucking mental. I love a Christmas party. Well, I can't wait to see what people come back with after that then. Let's see if that actually happens in anyone's Christmas parties.

38:24Yeah. We're just going for dinner.

38:28But it's going to be one hell of a dinner. It's going to be a great night. We'll probably have some stories ourselves. Yeah. Who's going to get with who? Fighting in the car park. Who's going to fight? Yeah, Josh will be trying to piss on someone's face and maybe that'll happen. Maybe Josh will finally pluck up the courage to beat me up. Oh, what a festive cheer. Tune in next week to see if Josh finally manages to take Pete down and whether Pete had had too many or not enough. On staying relevant. That was the weirdest outro. on Staying Relevant. Okay. Good? This has been a Staying Relevant production.

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