Sam and Pete Agree for the First Time Ever?!

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1:29better habits to not just lose weight, but keep it off. Noom. Lose for keeps. Get started at Noom.com. Not all customers will clinically qualify for medications. Individual results may vary. Welcome to Stay Relevant, the bonus episode, hosted by me, Sam Thompson and Peter James, Jonathan Joseph Wicks. This is the bonus episode, which means it's Thursday. and you can watch this on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5pm on Sunday and then Monday's main episode which came out audibly on Monday you can now watch on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel as of 5pm last night which was Wednesday which means you can catch us on a Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday This episode will contain swearing if you don't like it go f*** yourself make sure you rate, review, follow do all of that crap you know the score by now and if you ever want to feature in the bonus episode or just get in touch and just you know say hello tell us about your life don't actually do that we don't care then email the worst email address in the world which is hello srproductions.co.uk crack on Samuel what have we got we've got a little email from Natalie Natalie goes hello everyone it's staying relevant after catching up with the podcast I was listening to the episode where Sam said he could land a plane and Pete taking the piss out of Sam's driving skills it got me thinking how many attempts did it actually take Sam to pass the driving test I'm assuming Pete passed first time love the podcast my daughter's 16 I hear her blasting the podcast out on YouTube when she's revising haha I passed second time I was the second time passer I also passed second time yeah I am reluctant to tell you the reason why because I don't think you'll be surprised um anger I I yeah I failed my first one on a major which was road rage

3:22you fucking prick out of the way pretty much and then the guy just looked down at his clipboard and go okay yeah not even joking that's literally what happened it was a fucking zebra crossing and it pretty much got cleared and then out of nowhere this fucking little fucking child ran up to the zebra crossing just as I'm fucking starting to pull away I'm five minutes into the thing and then started running across it so I've jammed on the thing went at the fucking window and he literally I think he was about 10 running to school. But you know, it was clear, I'd wait for people to stop. I'd stop at the zebra crossing.

3:52Do you know what I mean? Like you're already in that fucking thing there. And then just out of nowhere, he's come. You've got the fucking driving instructor this side of me. Come out of nowhere. And just as I'm fucking pulling away, start running across. I thought, you little fucker. Yeah, you've ruined it. Because at the moment you do a hard stop. A hard stop is a fail. Yeah. So there's nothing you can do. That's that kid's fault. Mine was a bit different. Mine was, I'd actually passed up until I had my hand breakup when I'd done a parallel park. And I'd completed the parallel park, believe it or not, because I'm not very good at those.

4:23And so you've got to, once you parallel park, you've got to put the hand breakup. And I forgot that it was up and I tried to move off. And it went, and I was like, what the fuck is that? And I was like, and I couldn't understand. I tried to move off three times. And the guy literally turned around and went, and put it down. And I turned around to him, mate, I know I failed. Can we just drive back to the thing? He went, no, it's policy that we have to carry on. So you just had to be knowing you failed. I did another fucking like 20 minutes of driving around knowing I'd failed. And we pulled in and he went, so yeah, you did fail because of that major.

4:54But other than that, everything was all right. And I was like, what was the point in that? And then on the second one, I went so slow. I nearly failed again. For being too slow. For being too slow. I went, I'm not going to let anyone fuck me out of this. So I literally was going like 15 in a 20 the entire way through. and the guy even said he goes mate you're getting loads of minors for going too slow and eventually that'll be a major and I went is that five four minors and then the fifth within the same category make a major and I was going so slow knows what it is now for us I don't know how they do it now neither do I yeah I mean look yeah that was why I found that first one we were only about 10 minutes in so after that again we finished the fucking thing but at that point because I knew it was a fucking foul I was just bowling about really for the rest of the test I failed my theory five times no I passed that first time I failed five to the point where I actually stopped going because you have to pay every time for your theory as well and back then my mum was paying and so I literally I remember the fifth time she went oh for fuck's sake Sam she's like I can't keep paying for you to fucking fail your thing she's like you might as well just give up I wonder what the do you know what would be interesting you did the maths fucking thing it'd be interesting to see if we could pass a theory now Oh, my God, no, because I hate the break distance stuff and all of that.

6:12I couldn't do it. So, obviously, I haven't done a theory test for fucking 20 years, but you have to do a separate one for motorbike, for your full motorbike licence. So, I've done that one. But I passed on my motorbike and that fucking first time. I struggled with the theory. Yeah, well. Anything revising, just I'm out of the game, Natalie. And you can't guess a parallel part, can you? Yeah, exactly. It's tough out there. Say hello to your daughter, by the way. 16-year-old daughter. Great age. No, not like that. No, I've got... I just think she's a lovely... You don't... No, just say hi. Hi to your lovely daughter and we appreciate you listening.

6:53Yeah. Natalie. Fuck. Hey, Sam. Hey, Sam, Pete and team. As the mother of two teenage girls, I am deeply engrossed in the world of Molly May. Oh. My youngest tells me at this moment in time she's announced the gender of a baby boy, but not the name. My question's to you. Would you be put off or change your baby's name if you told everyone and they said they didn't like it? I also hear it's rumoured Tommy is going to announce it on his boxing shorts. What's the best way you'd announce your child's name? Thanks, Linda. Ooh, Linda. Would I be put off if everyone said they didn't like it? Couldn't give a monkey's arse.

7:32Also, I don't think anyone's turning around and being like, that's a shit name because you've already decided it. and he registered it. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm putting my hand up not because I would. It's the sort of thing you'd do. What? That's a shit name. If Pippa came in and had a fucking kid, you'd go, oh, why have you gone with that? And you've already registered there. There's nothing you can do about it to change it. Oh, it's going to be the worst, wouldn't it? That is literally a you thing to do. You've called your kid Clifford and it's just like, oh, I don't know if Clifford Morgan.

8:00Works for the big red dog. It works for me. I don't know if that works. And then Pippa's like, shit, what do I do about it now? but no one would do it I don't think anyone would do it you literally would I would do it to people I'd probably only do it to Pippa oh I'd probably only do it to Pippa yeah um yeah I could give a shit if they didn't like it but then in the same respect if you're gonna pick these silly names you know what I mean like no one's out there going I don't like Mark it's just a nice it's Mark isn't it no I don't like James but what they don't like is what's your son's name Tiger Blade Tiger Blade Bleed.

8:37Bleed. Do you know what I mean? Like, well, yeah, there's going to be people that go, what the fuck? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Don't put yourself in that position. Call your kid John. Yeah, I completely agree. No one's got an issue with John. Who doesn't love a John? Reliable. Yeah. You know, some of the foundations of British life have been built on John. John Lewis. To be honest with you, I quite like Tiger Blade now. Tiger Blade's a great fucking game. Mark. Marks and Spencer. Like, there's foundations. No one's going to argue with that. they are going to argue with Tiger Blade. Well, I don't know, man.

9:09What's your name? Tiger Blade? Yeah. Like, man, I'm going to be honest with you. You're 16 years old. You're at your first prom and you're doing like that school to school prom. And what's your name? Tiger Blade. I feel like you're getting lucky. Also, did you go to a prom? Yeah. Everyone at the prom knows who you are because you all go to school. Sorry, sorry. You don't meet people at the prom. Let me rephrase. You don't pick up. Are you still going to proms to pick up? Hey, what's your name? Sam Thompson, you? I went to we didn't have a prom what we had was we used to do inter-school socials so from different schools would go to like one to one thing all the rich kids together oh it was amazing man it was so so great this is back in the day guarantee it wasn't a grammar school invited to that this is this is back in the day because you could and also so they were socials but then you would also go to things like the feathers did anyone go to feathers?

9:58you might be too young for that like we oh they were so good I think I'm too poor for it there was one in Clapham mate there was one in Clapham which was at Inferno. Yeah. Are you talking about like an under 18s disco? Yeah. Yeah, right. Okay. Mate, that was class. It was called Feathers and you'd go in and it was just like, it was just like Red Bull and Cokes and stuff. But you, Red Bull and gear, Red Bull and loads of cocaine and we'd just absolutely hammer it at the time. There's Red Bull and Coca-Cola. And you'd go in at like, you'd go in at like 14. Absolutely. No one there smoking weed. I think like 16.

10:32Nah, because we weren't even at that stage. We were smoking. So back then you could smoke cigarettes inside and everyone thought they were mad cool back then. But you couldn't buy them. So that was technically illegal as well. That's a very good point, yeah. And people would be smoking them inside and you'd like pretend you were addicted. You'd be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I will actually, I will say this now. So there's just a lot of posh rich kids walking around with B &H going, God, man, I'm fucked. Mate, I know a kid - I'm on the Red Bull and Coke. This actually wasn't me, but like I - Was it your friend?

11:02Mate, I know a kid who, who wanted, who thought it was cool to be addicted to smoking cigarettes. So he put a nicotine patch on to try and be it. Because he obviously didn't like smoking cigarettes. So he wanted to force himself to like smoking cigarettes and put a nicotine patch on to enjoy it. And then I think actually did eventually get addicted to cigarettes. I wonder if he's still smoking them now. But yeah, I remember, I will never forget, because I didn't smoke back then. I remember watching a girl go up to a guy who thought he was really cool smoking a cigarette inside and going, please, please let me just have a little bit.

11:38I need it. And it's like, you're like, she was like 14. Wild back then. Yeah. And what you do is you'd go up to a girl who, who was from a different school. And there were like three things you'd say. You'd go up and you'd be like, like, I don't even know how it worked. It must be so awkward. You still not mastered the three. Oh, mate, it was so bad. You'd like, they'd be like dancing and you'd go up to them and just sort of like slide in. and like start dancing with them. And then you'd literally just like lean from side to side. And you'd be like, hey, what's your name? And they'd be like, oh, Courtney.

12:08And you'd be like, oh, hey, Courtney, my name's Sam. Whilst like sort of like doing the side shuffle. So the three things that you'd say to them are... Hey, what's your name? Hey, what's your... What's your name? So we're still doing those things now though, aren't we? No, but it would be such like a... It was like a... I don't know how to describe it. Like you just start dancing with somebody without saying a word to them. And then you'd both dance together. like this and you'd be like how was your name they'd be like Courtney you'd be like oh what school do you go to they'd be like whatever school I go to and then you'd just both like kiss and then just walk away it was mad what's the best way you'd announce your child's name oh yeah um what's the best way I'd announce my child's name I do you know what and I know people won't agree with this but I actually wouldn't do some huge announcement I might I genuinely wouldn't because I don't know how I just don't know how classy it is to like to like have it in like a I don't know throwing some of that expensive soil at Molly May and Tommy here no because I don't know if they're doing that I think they're not going to announce their child's name I imagine they're just going to be like this is it's on his boxing shorts and that's how everyone's finding out so he's got a fight I believe on the weekend he's fighting Eddie Hall on Saturday night and so they've not said former world's strongest man 400 pound Eddie Hall Tommy Fury is fighting on Saturday night for the record.

13:27They call it Beauty and the Beast. Wait, so... He'll walk out. So he normally has Bambi's name on his shorts. And he's going to walk out with... Well, rumoured, yeah. They've not said the name. So we think we're waiting for the weekend and he'll come out with said name on his shorts. Said name? It's an unusual... I can kind of understand that because he's already had Bambi. So that's kind of like kind of a creative way of doing it. So I don't mind that actually. like for me it'd be more like as if everyone to be fair it's a hard one because Molly Mae is such a name now that people actually genuinely do want to know the name how crazy is that I am why I just can't wait but why are you so bothered by someone you've never met and what name they're going to name their kid I have post notifications on for her because when the gender got announced no you don't why are you not bothered no I I don't know the whole I mean I'm fucking buzzing for it Why are you not bothered?

14:24I'm not not bothered. No, it sounds like, why would anyone not care? I just think, why don't you care? No, genuinely. I mean, she's an icon. But I get that. Sam, I don't think you do. No, I understand that. I don't think you do. I just can't understand. What's gotten into you? We're discussing Molly May's second child's name. I don't know. I'm 33. What is wrong with you? I don't know. Sam, 33 doesn't matter. Sam. I almost feel like... Go and have a moment and come back because this is... I don't know if I can be around you right now. We're discussing the name of her second born child. The first one to be with penis.

15:09Oh, I should care. You bloody should. I know. After all these years. And I normally do care. I just, I can't believe you don't. No, I normally do. I normally do. What's wrong today? you tired? do you know what? What's happened? I start, do you know what I've realised as I'm getting a little bit older? It's not about time for the watch alongs. I'm starting. He doesn't care what Molly Mays fucking Charles name is. Who are you? This is crazy. Who are you? I'm starting to, I think, understand Pete a bit more because, but let me tell you for why. Because I'm not 37, nearly 38, right? 37 three quarters.

15:48I've always been quite a bit younger than p so like i'm like the little brother right so i'm i've always been more invested in like pop culture and all those kind of things i am starting very slowly to understand and like and it's and i pays me to say it because like obviously i

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18:10like i have my own shit going on and i feel like i don't care and i'm sorry that i don't care and i apologize because i've always been the one to care but i'm just starting to feel like life is lifing a little bit and i just am starting to care slightly less about what name tommy fury comes out of this boxing shorts and I'm just saying that and I'm just putting it out there and I'm not shading it because fair play. Well, Linda, in answer to your question, we don't give a fuck. Over a question time. But I might in the future, I don't know. Well, yeah, I mean, look, we are of that age. I've been of that kind of age and that mentality where life has been life and I've had shit going on and I've been working since seven.

18:55So for the past 30 years, I've had that mentality. It's nice that we're here now. It's so nice. Welcome. welcome to reality it's lovely what will happen in roughly five years time um when you are with child um well not you personally um but your present girlfriend presumably um when you have a child you will then revert back to love island being your life yeah so we're now in the stage where life is lifing we have lots going on which is amazing but then at some point your life will give up you will have children you will be at home and every night you will be doing a watch along so He will be coming back.

19:31He will go full circle and he will come back. You haven't lost him forever, but right now the Dark Lord has got him. All right? So he'll come back to you, but right now he's fucking with me. Oh, fucks. Anyway, question time. Okay, here we go. Da-da-da - question time. Ever-accidental sense. Now, do your best here because if you are with the Dark Lords, then like me, each week this is the bit you dread the most and have sleepless nights about because it is mundane, pointless questions that no one gives a fuck about. But for the purposes of this podcast, if you could try, just try and form an opinion, all right, as I have done for the past 250 episodes.

20:09If you could try. So let me ask you, all right, as a man that doesn't give a fuck, let me see your forms, form some opinions on these things. Okay. Would you rather have a constantly growing nose or ears?

20:25Come on, mate, you can do this. Just put it out the bag. Do it for the people, Sam. Do it for the people. Through a lens of Pete, I kind of get it. I kind of get it, which is fucking mental. I kind of get Pete, because Pete's reaction to this would be this, which I would then find really funny. Pete should actually be like, I don't fucking know, mate. Fucking, would I like, constantly growing ears? Let me try and think of a common-sensical way. right and if I'm going to answer this genuinely how I would feel like this constantly growing is is because your nose has blocked your face eventually you wouldn't be able to see you wouldn't be able to see past your nose and but then again have you thought have you thought about the ears because if it's a windy day you take off that's it could be a bit dumbo but then if I were to channel Pete as well I'd be like yeah but what can I do with my nose yeah do you know what I mean and I'd be like because then I'd revert So, well, I could do a little bit of sexual humour as well.

21:30So be like, you know, I could fuck someone with my nose. No. You haven't quite channeled me. I've lost you a little bit there. You lost me slightly. You haven't quite channeled me. So I've got a little bit. But we've had a good go at it. A bit wayward after that. This is mental. This, right before your eyes, right before your ears, and right before your eyes, if you watch, what you've watched is a man become enlightened. All right? People spend years, you know, off to Nepal and fucking all over the shop to try and find this kind of enlightenment in life. All he's had to do is sit with me in fucking South West London for two years and the **** giving up on life.

22:07I don't give a fuck. There we go. God, this is a new era of staying relevant that I'm fucking here for. Next week, we're talking politics.

22:19Have you ever accidentally sent someone a text about them or called someone whilst talking about them? I'm trying to think whether I have you that feels like a very you thing to do I've got a lot of WhatsApp groups yeah do you have a lot of WhatsApp groups I'm going to be honest with you I would love to be able to tell you something here but I don't think I have yeah and the main reason for being is I rarely reply and I rarely call anyone it's not it's not through a lack of me being like you know any more observant I just don't really no I don't think I ever have I I haven't done that maybe in a WhatsApp group I think a WhatsApp group is most likely if you forget someone's in it yeah I don't think I've gone direct to someone and gone fucking, you know, Josh is a, oh shit.

22:59I've sent it to Josh. I haven't done that, but I have, I have done like, wrong Josh. I have done like, I have done like internet disputes, WhatsApp disputes before where I send something and being like, oh, that was just fucking stupid. And then like, I've deleted it. And you know, when you guys deleted for everyone. And then you're like, the moment someone says that you're like, well, you've lost because it's like, you've said something that you know is either too ropey or really stupid. and so you've deleted it yourself and so like i've i've said things like that in arguments before like and just being like fuck and i've deleted it for everyone and then i've said you have to admit defeat on that on that front that's the closest i think i've come to to to doing that i don't think i've ever done that to be fair i have called someone actually i have definitely done that i've called someone by mistake and what like and it's being the person that i'm fucking annoyed at this is about Louise but you haven't said anything because they don't know this is about my sister and I've called Louise whilst wanting to have a bitch about Louise and I've called her meaning to call my mum but you backtrack quick enough because she's on the phone and I've meant to call my mum and I've called Louise and she's like what do you want and I've literally been like because we've been in the argument and I've been like mum's a c*** and I've literally been like I've been like well just and I've not had anything to say that's been quite awkward I've done that a few times I've ever actually to be fair I um yeah Yeah, listen, I genuinely, I don't think I've ever done it.

24:25I think what I've probably done is in a WhatsApp group, you know, I despise WhatsApp groups, especially, you know, since Pippa's been part of my life. She loves them. I'm in a number of WhatsApp groups that are set up for all different reasons. And she always comes up with these hilarious names for the WhatsApp groups. And they're all muted. They're all muted. I said to Jack, he's not seen any of the messages. no I go in and I scan them and does anyone need my input here no so it goes back it goes back into a little archive it just doesn't need to be there it's fine but I like to read what's happening in the group but also the benefit with me is because I'm sarcastic and take the piss a lot what I have done is slag someone off in group forgetting that they were in the group and then they'd come back and have gone well no I mean it and then everyone goes gosh that's so funny and I'm like no that was a mistake I've doubled down.

25:22Yeah, I like that. I couldn't do that because if I did that, people were like, no, you're not that guy. They'd be like, you're not the guy. Well, you weren't that guy. I am now. God, this is, this, I must say, we've done over 200 odd episodes, more than that. It's potentially my favourite episode ever. And let me tell you why. Because we have become, for the first time, one. One. I still give you a handjob if I need to save your life. And that was one of the first things we ever discussed in this podcast. I still do it. So I still have a little bit of me in there. Say goodbye, you miserable. Thank you.

25:58Thanks so much for listening to fucking staying relevant. We're Pete Wicks and Sam Thompson. You know what to do now to feature this podcast, email hello at srproductions.co.uk. If you're still doing that, great. Leave us a review. I mean, fuck me after that episode, if it's five stars, I'd be shocked, but you know, here we go. We are going to read it. Sam loves to fucking read them. So, you know, help him out a little bit to be fair, because he needs a little bit of read material. follow us on all socials is it Snappy C that we're saying yeah Snappy C all social Snappy C I don't have Snapchat but whatever the fuck that is at Staying Relevant Podcast Josh how are your numbers oh shut up you miserable prick Josh you fucking twat anyway yeah Josh is having a kid no one gives a fuck subscribe to us on YouTube anyway we want a plaque I think we're going to do another plaque party at some point we're miles off that I'll be dead by that point so enjoy that to be fair we'll be back Monday with the main episode See you later.

26:51Off I fuck for a f***ing week. We love you so, so much. And if you are enjoying your journey on the tube, say hello. Hug the person to the right of you. Think of us. Tell them about staying relevant. Because we love doing this with my brother, Samuel, Robert, Rinder, Rajaya, Ronan, Roger, DeCoursey Thompson. We will be back next week. We're off to give each other handjobs. right go for yeah that was

27:28this has been a staying relevant production

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29:40of potential revenue. Go to ShipStation.com and use code AUDIO and get 30 days free. Hello Relevanters! We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog Marry Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin, We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, Jeannie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.