Sam CONFRONTS his nemesis!

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1:57special files there's nothing in it it's Thursday so it's the bonus episodes you'll be able to watch this on Sunday from 5pm and then the main episode you can now watch on YouTube on Josh's YouTube channel as of last night which is Wednesday so you can catch us on a Monday Wednesday Thursday and a Sunday if you want to be part of this episode then email the worst email address in the world hello at srproductions.co.uk I still hate it I'm trying to get used to it and I still can't after about fucking two years This episode comes out the day before the O2. Oh, golly. Yep. So, but we have recorded this a week early because we are going to be right in shit creek at this point.

2:41Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is panic central now. Actually, when we recorded, because we record the pods on a Wednesday, so it's actually our rehearsal day at the O2. So currently we'll be having panic attacks on the stage at the O2 in preparation for Friday, which is why we've pre-done this because yeah it's going to be a big week anyway I can't wait we're going to start this slightly differently this week because I have to make a quick phone call so it's a long story Sam but we are going to make a quick call is that happening now? is it? wonderful excellent just part of the pod or are you actually going to make a quick call?

3:19no no no no this is all part of the pod so Sam we've actually got someone on the line I've managed to set this up because we're all confused by it. Sorry, what? Hold on a second. We've all confused this, but Sam, on the line is the gentleman who, if you put it to the microphone, is the gentleman who described you as his irrational fear on Hinge. Oh, my God. So he's actually on the line to say hello. Hello? Samuel. No, no. No, you fucker. So please introduce yourself, my friend. Hello, I'm Sean. Sean, how are you, mate? You good? I'm feeling okay. I'm feeling okay, Pete. Are you shaking a little?

4:01Because you're currently on the line to your irrational fear, Sam Thompson. Is there anything you'd like to say to him? I say you know what you did, Sam. Okay? You know what you did. What do you mean I know what I did? What do you mean? What? Sean, please explain. Sean, what did I do? Do you remember when you pushed me in the pool in White City? What? do you remember no you're joking no i didn't no i didn't

4:31god you can't do that to a man i honestly my heart i was looking at our producer just then sean being like what the fuck have i done god i wish that story was true okay so sean can you explain to uh sam uh me and the listeners why sam is your irrational fear what is it about sam You know, some people's irrational fears are, you know, spiders, butterflies, getting stuck in a lift. Mine just happens to be Sam Thompson. But why, Sean? If you saw, if you, like, saw Sam underneath your bed late at night and he's like, hey guys, it's me, Sam. Like, you'd be a bit scared, I'm not going to lie. Sean, I fucking love you.

5:14Sean, I need more. Sean, I need more. What is it? No, I need honesty now, Sean, because look, we're all here, okay? And don't worry, I need honesty. Is it the voice? Is it the hair? Is it the face? I think it's the face. It's the face and the voice. The hair's great. I like the hair. I think you've got a mullet now. I do have a mullet. You're rocking the mullet. It's good. But no, actually, when I got sent the video, I actually did feel a bit, I felt a bit mean doing that. and I have to say I've actually taken you off it. You're no longer my irrational fear. What is it? Tommy Fury, obviously. No!

5:59No!

6:03Sean, you've actually done me in. I was like, oh my God, they're coming for me. The pressure coming for me. That's why I just thought I'd take it all off. No, mate, no. Honestly, we made it all a bit of a laugh. Absolutely not, mate. what I do want to know, right, because I feel like it's probably come from some TV show or another, I imagine. Which, what's it stemmed from? Like, what is it being... I used to watch Mate and Chelsea back in the day. Oh, to the teeth. I just remember, like, when you were, like, the little Sam, like, little Sam at the beginning. No, but I actually don't think you're a rational fear.

6:42And also, it's a fear. It's not that I don't like you. Jimmy, so you're still like... Yeah, you're just scared of him. Yeah, just be scared.

6:51Sean, I'm going to come out from under your bed and be like, shorty boy. Sean, one last question. Do... Oh, fuck, I've got my last question. No, that's probably my... Oh, has anyone responded to you on Hinge being like, mine too? Oh, God, yeah. Fuck's sake. It was like my best prompt. No! Like, all I've got now is that smirky, was it the serial killer smirk? All I've got now is the serial killer smirk. Thanks, Pete. That was, yeah, that really kept me up at night. Sean, mate, thank you so much for talking to us. Oh, that's so good. You've made my fucking day, pal. I suggest you change your irrational fear back to Sam.

7:32Yeah, Sean, you have... After this conversation, you've got a reason to. Sean, you've got my full blessing, mate. Because, by the way, dating's the fucking trenches out there, mate. I mean, look, we've got to do what we've got to do. If that's your best prompt, Sean, get it back up and let's get ourselves out there, okay? I appreciate it, I appreciate it, Sam. Sean, you're a fucking hero. Thank you, man. I love you. All right, all right, mate. Bye, bye, bye, bye. Oh, my God, I just told him I loved him. Whoa, no, no, no. That's not the worst bit, Sam. It was the worst bit. Well, the bit where you said, I'll creep out from under your bed.

8:03I think that was probably the worst bit for me. Hey, Seany boy. Like, I mean... I panicked, I'm going to be honest with you, because the worst thing is that wasn't even a joke. I actually was his irrational. That is pre - I know what that is. That's made in Chelsea and he's kept that. And he's literally like, now that little Gollum looking bastard. He meant that. But let's take the positives. You're no longer the irrational fear. He likes your haircut. He's moved on to Tommy Fury. That really sent me that. There we go. It's the run. Right. Fucking what a way to start. The panic I just had, mate.

8:39so uh yeah listen this this episode is all about you so we're gonna go on to emails now and we've got one from beck so beck is a new listener okay she absolutely loves the podcast she says she's a 31 year old mum of two under two she was chatting to a friend the other day about what makes a milf a milf we all know what a milf is milf stands for mum i'd like to fuck um she thinks it's uh style, confidence, makeup, aesthetic, personality, etc. What do we think? So she'd like to know our thoughts. Let us know from Beck. So what do you think makes a milk? A milk? A milk. Milf. Cows make milk. Well, what makes a milf?

9:20I don't know. Have you ever dated a milf? No, no. I mean, I... Kind of my expertise, mate. Well, go on then. Why are you asking me? It's got to be you. Over to you. Milf is no different to any other girl, I would say. A bit older. It's based on chemistry. It's based on the way they carry themselves. I always find mills to be more responsible, but they have kind of a wild side because they have to be very responsible. You know, they're mums. They're mums in their kind of day-to-day, but then when they let their hair down, boy, do they let their hair down. Bloody hell. Yeah. Do they have to be older than you to be a mill?

9:59No, no, no, no, no. Mum, fuck me. It'd be a struggle for me, wouldn't it? If it was someone older than me that's a fucking MILF, then their fucking kid is probably fucking 20. So they just have to have a kid? Yeah, yeah, yeah. MILF is just someone that has got a kid who you'd like to fuck. And I don't see it as a problem. I've dated people with kids previously. Sorry. Wow. Okay. Have you met the kids? Yes, once. And what? How old was the kid? Four. So old enough to know. And eight. And eight years old. So, okay, right. Right, so have you stayed the night or not stayed the night? No, no, no, no, no, no.

10:36Never to that point. I mean, obviously, you have to be quite clear. I was dating this person for a fair amount of time. Well, I say a fair amount of time, probably about four or five months. It's a longish time, yeah. So, yeah, met the kids. Where did you meet them? It was kind of, oh, God, this is going to sound awful. I took them to the zoo. And I was mummy's friend. No way. Yeah. How old were you? I was about 27. How old was she? She was, what, three years? About 30. It's not too bad, but it's the kids, right? So eight years old. He obviously knows the score. Yes. And so were you like, do you want an ice cream?

11:17It's still mummy's friend. No, I was just like kind of like, you know, like mum's friend. And I was just kind of matey with them. It wasn't like a hard launch to the kids. Like, this is your new father. Yeah, that's what I wanted. Do you know what I mean? No. and I never really got past kind of that point, obviously, because my relationships don't last, you know, very long. But yeah, it was... Did you do any sort of father-son-y-ish stuff with the kids? No, no, because it's a tough one, isn't it, really? Because you're not the dad. And if it's the early stage, because I've never been in a relationship with someone that's had kids where actually, you know, you're staying over the house and doing all that sort of stuff, where it's fairly obvious that you're not just mummy's friend.

11:58Do you call him Champ? Do you go, you're all right, champ? Champ? You know, they come up to you like, hey, champ. But you know what? They don't know what to say. Because as you said, you're not the dad. So they're like, hey, champ, how are you? No, I've never had to have the conversation of, listen, I'm not trying to replace you for that. Yeah, yeah. No, I've never gone that far. But the mum thing, it doesn't bother me. It doesn't bother me. I think it's... I want to hear more about the zoo. I have, though, dated and had interactions with mums who have wanted me to meet the kids very early and I always have to say no.

12:31And then it's like, well, you know I've got kids. It's not that that's the problem, it's that I don't know where this is going. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think I should be meeting your fucking kid. I think it's actually quite an honest and fair point. Well, do you know what I mean? I've dated people for like two weeks and they're like, well, I'd really like you to meet my son. I'm like, we've been out three times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like you haven't even met my dogs. You must be fucking... Do you know what's really mad? It takes me longer for someone to introduce someone to my dogs than it does sometimes for me to meet their kids.

12:58Yeah. It's fucking wild. But what, I mean, would you not date a mum? You'd be a great stepdad. Like, almost better than dad. Like, you'd be such a good stepdad because you're almost my stepdad. Fucking hell. Right. But, like, it's kind of like... Why am I just the old c*** in every situation? You're kind of, like, just quite chill. Well, you're not chill. You're not a gentleman. Fucking hell. But it's in, like, you take me for a beer. You take me to meet your cool friends. Like you take me to string fellas. Do you want to hear a really wild story? What? Love to hear a wild story. We love a wild story.

13:34When I was about, how old was I? 19. I was sleeping with a woman whose son was older than me. Oh, my Lord. So she was a MILF. Did you meet her? Was she a gil? What, the son? No, no, no, because he didn't have kids. but she was closer to the gilphage than what you would expect a milphage was. And I went for a beer with her son who was older than me. Did he know? Yeah. Did you go look, mate? He didn't know how old I was. I think he knew obviously I was a lot younger than his mum but I didn't sort of mention to him. Oh, by the way, I'm sort of three years younger than you as well. That's a toughie.

14:15I mean, you're sad. Did you come back to his? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Well, he didn't live with her anyway. Oh, really? but yeah it was funny enough he was at uni

14:27Jesus Christ you've lived a life haven't you he was in his last year at uni and it was I mean it was weird I'm going to be honest with you it was fucking weird he was also a fucking unit which was so odd because normally in your heads when you think of if you're dating someone and you're meeting their kids you kind of think you're going to be the one whereas I was a bit, it was odd. The whole thing was just very odd. Bloody hell. Yeah. So you've not dated anyone with kids? No, never. I've never dated anyone with kids. Why is that? Sorry. You just never met anyone with kids or what? Never met anyone with kids.

15:07I don't know if the terminology, milfs, I don't think they are into me. I don't think I'm their cup of tea. Well, they've already got kids. Yeah, and I don't think I'm their cup of tea. I feel like you're more of a milfs cup of tea than I would be. I would love to, though. I'd love trying new things and meeting new people. So I'd like to meet some kids. Sorry, you know what I mean. I'd like to try new things. I'd love to meet some kids. You know what I mean. I'd love to, like, take the kids to the zoo and, like, you know, do all that stuff with you. So, fuck me. All right, okay. So presumably you have...

15:43I love the swings. You love the swings? I love the swings. I'll take them to the swings. I mean, how would you, how would you, should we role play again? How would you, we should just call this staying role play. Let's say you're in the scenario that I was in. So you were dating a much older lady and I'm her son. Yeah. Who is older than you. Right. And we go for a beer. Okay. How do you handle that situation? You're a champ. You're going to say champ to me, older than you. Do you know what? Okay. Let me actually really think. I'd walk in and I'd be like, hi, very nice to meet you. How are you?

16:18My name's Sam. Do you address the elephant in the room? Or do you just plow on through? Does he know? Yes, he knows I'm shagging his mother. All right, fine. I'd be like, I'd probably be like, well, this is something different for all of us. I'd be like, have you ever been in this situation before? And he'd probably be like, no, I haven't been in this situation. I'd be like, well, no, I'm going to be honest with you, mate. Your mum's pretty cool. So you're going straight. Right, okay, nice. And I'd be like, yeah, I didn't realise she could party the way she... No, no, rein that one in. I'd be like, I didn't realise she was as caring as she is.

16:58Okay, so you're immediately addressing... I think you've got to talk about the... No, because actually I wouldn't like that. Do you want to know what I did? What? She took it like a trooper. I did the really... Because I thought, listen, this is so funny. I was really young obviously at the time of 19. So I went in and genuinely did like a stepfather speech as a joke. And I went like, I'm not trying to place your dad. And did that. And luckily he laughed. And I went, I'm only joking. This is fucking weird for everyone. So should we just have a beer? And that was that. That was literally all that happened.

17:35But it could have been fucking rogue. Jesus. Do you know what I mean? I don't think I could do that. I think when you're dealing with an adult, it's different. Because obviously by the time I settled down, And I imagine anyone that I settle down with will probably have kids who will be of an age where they'll understand everything. I think it's worse if they're little, because then how do you introduce yourself? Do you know what I mean? That's difficult. I even have it with my mum. Well, I mean, yeah. I mean, like, it was difficult when I had to tell you about me and Karen. Whenever, like, if my mum starts dating someone and I meet them.

18:05Oh, God, yeah. Like, because I'm, like, older. So I'm just not older than them, but, like, I'm sort of, like, clued up as to sort of what it's weird i kind of clued up as to what i want to be in a relationship with a girl and i'm like are you and it's interesting like seeing someone and being like you're nothing like what i would want to be like that's just the fear of god in me yeah like my mum my mum's partner tony has been with my mum uh for 25 years it's weird mate it's really weird but I walked in once to a guy who my mum was saying he was years ago again who was playing the piano and I was like you alright he goes hi mate I can't remember his name I probably shouldn't say his name anyway but yeah he goes hi mate I'm whoever he was I was like nice to meet you mate and immediately I obviously knew did you go protective son?

18:56no not at all because you don't want to be like that I was like how are you mate like I hope you're in my head I was like I hope he's a nice dude so I was like are you good I was only dropping something around anyway he was playing the piano in my mum's living room and I was like what the fuck My mum's got a little electric piano that she's sometimes practicing on. I told you, she's a very sweet lady. And he was just playing the piano. I was like, this is odd. The thought of my mum being single and someone trying to date her. It's the weirdest. It's even weirder when your mum tells you what she wants.

19:26I think I'll be more protective if my mum had to date someone now than if I had a daughter. Mate, I've got to be honest with you. The thought of someone, no. Yeah, but do you know what's weird? is that my mum's so incredibly picky that like I almost am at the point where like, mum, you've got to still be so picky. She's like, I want this, I want that, I want that. I'm like, mum, come on. We can't be, you know, can't be like that. How many of those boxes do I take? No comment. Do you know what is interesting actually, although we're being asked this question, Bec, I'd like to know what MILFs are looking for.

20:04Yeah, thank you so much for bringing that away for my mum, actually. I was going down a hole there. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting turn of phrase. D 'oh. D 'oh. D 'oh. Sort of nonchalant homer. Yeah. Anyway, yeah, I'd be interested to know what a MILF was. I'll tell you what would be interesting, because you've just said that you don't think MILFs are interesting you. Any MILFs listening that are potentially interested in Sam, he is single. I'd like to meet the kids. Just to give it a go. I Don't You know what I'm saying I'd love to try my hand At like Let me finish At introducing Myself Okay alright To like Someone's kid If there are any Any MILFs That think that They They can Because I feel like We may have just Unlocked a new fantasy For Sam It's never been up my alley But I mean I can give it a go Do you know What you're saying today?

21:05that's not even got a quantitation up my alley

21:11okay all right let's move on from that but let us know any milfs that think they could handle sam and think that they can't handle me yeah if you if any milfs that that think then you know let us know um sam i think you should um you should take away the well this next one's a real uh a real a real good one. It's something that Pete's been looking forward to all week. And the time is upon us. We do have an update on the GBU. Up the GBU, Pete. So we have personalised GBU football kits that have arrived and they have our names on the back. Or they have Pete's name on the back. Yes. In true Stan Relevant style.

21:58In fact, before we get onto the names, why don't you just hold yours up? I don't have mine. Okay, let's explain where yours is. Mine's at home, in the wash. Because Sam, when we got the kits, wore it for the entire day, then went home in it and has been wearing it around the house. I love it. It's the lovely... By the way, if anyone wants to purchase, and we're not seeing any back end of this, if anyone wants to purchase a GBU kit... Oh, okay, you can't. Sam, right, okay. I didn't think I'd need to explain this. So GBU is Sunday League. Yeah, but they must sell their shirts. Sam, Sunday League.

22:32right people turn up to watch them but they don't wear the kit with their favorite player on the back shit this isn't chelsea okay fine well if you would like to watch us wearing ours they're beautiful kits they're pink they're really soft on the skin well i can show you a kit all right so so the reason we've only got one here sam war he's home he's he's he's really taken to this kind of um uh football sponsorship like a duck to fucking water um he's you know up the GBU at home whenever you can get an opportunity to. So Sam is obviously wearing his gitsa but I've got mine here and then we're going to so I'm going to show you now this is the brand new Staying Relevant GBU kit.

23:14Drum roll Sam.

23:18And here it is. Ta-da!

23:26Hey y 'all, Kelly Clarkson here with Wayfair. You know my favourite compliment during the holidays? your house feels so cozy. That's when I know everyone's comfortable enough to kick off their shoes, grab more dessert and stay a little longer. Wayfair makes it easy with everything from dining furniture to festive guest room essentials all in one place. So whether you're hosting for an afternoon or all weekend, everyone feels right at home. Get holiday guests ready at wayfair.com or on the Wayfair app today.

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24:28beautiful kit there it's actually gorgeous it's pink for the people listening it's pink with a with slashes of black across a very yellow staying relevant sign on the front so this is the new gbu kit they are the best dressed team in the um uh third division uh we've also got gbu stickers Staying Relevant Stickers is that, which is on Pippa's laptop because she's now chairman of the club, which is wonderful. Now they have been personalised. Wix won. So I'm in goal. But yeah, Wix won, which is good. Sam's had his name on the back. So it was really nice of them to send Sam Pompson a new shirt. I can't believe that.

25:12I was actually fucking fuming about that. That's the most staying relevant thing ever. They sent my shirt with the wrong fucking name on the back. I think it was Hompson. Hompson. It was Fompson. Fompson. Fompson. But it's good gear, this. It's 100 % authentic custom apparel. It's none of this stick-on, staying relevant stuff. It's fucking... I mean, that ain't rubbing off. Yeah, that's ironed in. That is serious fucking stuff. That's ironed in if you haven't seen it. So, yeah. Up the GBU. Up the fucking GBU. And we are growing. We have a couple of irons in the fires for you who may want a shirt.

25:44And funny enough, that's going to lead us straight into question time. Question time. One of the questions is how do we think GBU are going to get on this weekend? So let's just do a prediction for the weekend. 1-0 to the GBU. 1-0. They are playing who? No idea. Okay. Whoever they're playing, it'll be 1-0. 1-0. Who do you think is going to score? Broad, probably. Timothy. Yeah. I actually think Dave's going to get one this week. Big Dave. Alex. Alex is going to score because he's the only person's name I know. Is that a guy called Alex? Alex, I think, is the... Who's our captain? We're obviously taking this very seriously.

26:23We'll go with Alex. Yeah, Alex. I reckon Alex might score this weekend. So have you sent in your motivational speech and all the rest of it? I believe it has been sent to them, so we're going to see if that spurs them on. Yeah, wonderful. For maybe a couple of goals. But we do have a question that I think is going to really tickle everybody's fancy, especially Pete's. Would you rather never kiss again Or never have sex again Peter?

26:53Now

26:59Never kiss again Okay fair, why? But I love to kiss So do I I'm big on the old kissing I do An old tunnel kiss Any season mate It's not just sort of during that season. I'm a spring, summer, winter and autumn kisser. You know, it's an all year round. I'm a evergreen kisser. Evergreen. Yeah. But you can't beat a good fuck. Can't beat a good go. So I think, yeah. But I think kissing is underrated. It's a real interesting point because bad kisses. Oh, my God. Actually, that's a very good point. That's a very good point. A bad kisser, it's really tough. Yeah, it is tough. I mean, let's just explain.

27:51In one word, describe your kissing technique. Well, are we standing up? Are we standing up?

28:06You can pick. Okay, well, if we're standing up, it's probably a hand. Just one word. One hand. What would you describe it as? Oh, okay, hand on face. so again i'll describe mine passionate i would doing that okay yeah sort of yeah one word to describe a kiss yeah tactile

28:28tactile tactile okay all right tactile in one word describe your um making love tactile Go on with tactile for both? Just handsy. Handsy. Okay. All right. How did you describe yours? Quick. So, all right, tactile. So what about you? What would you kind of go with there? I think, to be honest with you, probably never kiss again, but I do love a good kiss. It's the most romantic. Especially, oh, there's nothing better. There's nothing better than if there's somebody that you actually quite like. And you're getting like butterflies from going on a date with them. What are those? And you go in for a kiss and they kiss you.

29:15And that first kiss, wherever you're standing, is fucking phenomenal. And you get that feeling of like excitement, like joy. And like you get that feeling in your stomach. That first kiss feeling when it's someone you actually quite like, I think is almost unmatched. I actually think it beats your first check. Yeah, that's what I was going to say to you. So what do you think is the best feeling? The first kiss or the first? First kiss, 100%. Really? It has to be someone. And look, they come around very rarely for most humans, I think. But you know that person that you're literally like. Not for dolphins, though.

29:48I've wanted to date them for a really long time. And like you go on a first and you manage to get them on a date. You caught them. You do all the things. And then you're like, and then you get the nerves and you don't know. Like for you, I imagine it's a bit different because you probably know you can kiss them. But like if you feel like you don't and you're like, okay, I'm just going to go for it. and then you go for it and they do it and you're like, oh my gosh, he likes me. Ah, there's no... I'm honestly getting it now. This is the most sort of passionate you've been about. It's the thing that I strive for the most.

30:16Sam loves a kiss, guys. Yeah. All right. So if you see him... Only if you like each other. Yeah. Okay. Not like just like a standard one. Since we, you know, generally we do comedy on this podcast or try to, but this seems to have gone real deep into the heart of what means a lot to Sam. I'm actually going to agree with you. Yeah. I also think that I don't know, I don't think there's a better feeling. It's hard to come by, isn't it? Because when you get to the stage of having sex with someone, you kind of know they like you. I think the thrill of not knowing is quite... And then being like, oh my God, we actually both like each other and we're both kissing and it's really romantic.

30:59You never want that moment to ever end. But it's also... And it's night time and the bridge is lit up. Sorry. I'm carrying on. And the bridge is... There's lights around Albert Bridge or Patsy Bridge and you are on the embankment. Okay. And you have... Is that where you do all of your first kisses? All of the kiss. Or you've left the bar. If someone leans in for a kiss in a bar, do you go, no, not till we get to the bridge? And is that just in case they want to jump off it? No, it's just because I envision... I haven't really done it, but I have this... You've never done. I have this vision of like, of the girl of my, the women of my dreams and someone I'm just so mad into.

31:39Like almost like you feel like you're in love, but it's too early to be in love. But you think you are. It's like love at first almost. And then you see it. Hold on. You're outside. The lights are there and it's nighttime. And you're like, Oh, so a couple of things just to unpack. This has never happened. This is, this is, this is like, you know, when I say after sex, after we've had our first shag. No, what you say after sex was sorry. So this has never happened. This is starting to sound like when young girls imagine their wedding is what you've done here.

32:15So you imagine your dream woman, which I'm going to ask you about in a minute, now that you've mentioned it, because you seem to have thought all of this out, you imagine that you're potentially in love before you even kiss them for the first time. that's how you'd like it to be it's that feeling of like there's something really the energy and like when you're next to each other and you're just like fuck me I've never felt like this before like that that feeling I just I just I'm on the search where do I buy that yeah mate dude honestly if you could bottle that up and buy it from somewhere fuck me please okay well no not fuck me please it's in like please and where does that happen because that is that on the bridge as well that's not on the bridge let's move it on what's your dream woman my dream woman I don't know.

33:00I haven't found her yet. I couldn't tell you. What does she look like in this dream you have reoccurring on every night? I don't know. I have no idea. So she's faceless on the bridge. Yeah, which is sad. I don't know. I have no idea. Yeah, it would be quite sad. Yeah, I'm not sure. I haven't met her yet. But one day it will happen. But this one, I think, is a lot more upstaying relevance alley. And I think you're going to quite like this one, Peter. If you create a ringtone so you knew each other was calling, what would it sound like? Warning, warning, warning, warning. Hazard alert. That would be mine.

33:35It would be a lot like the fucking government fucking alert that came out the other week, I think, for you. That's what my ringtone would be. Warning, warning. Do not answer. Warning. Well, it might be such a good moment. It might be like, if it was Pete calling, it'd be like, doom. Doom? No, I know exactly what it'd be like. If Pete was calling me, has anyone watched Jurassic Park? You know when the first one, you know when all you could do is hear the doosh, doosh of the footsteps of the dinosaur. And then you could see the water rippling. It would be doof, doof. And then it'd go, heee. And I'd be like, fuck, it's Pete.

34:15Okay. All right. So I'm calling. Yeah. Right. So I'm driving. So ready? So I am now, I'm calling. so I just, do you know what, I need to speak to Sam about something. Let me just try and call him. Now, do the ringtone.

34:36Fuck, it's Pete. Shit. Need to, fuck. Then I'm panicking because I'm just like, God, I need to be on edge, red alert. Why is he calling me? He never normally calls me out of blue. Okay, all right. Interesting. So Jurassic Park and warning. Right, the next one. I know you're going to be big into this because I know how much you love your star signs. A lot like I like my crystals. You do love a crystal. You do. We'll take this away, Sam. So the next question and the last one we have is which element is your star sign? So we've got them written down because I've not got a fucking clue what elements or whatever.

35:12I don't even know what star sign you are. So mine's fire. But what's your star sign? Leo. Leo. Okay, I'm Scorpio. God, fuck me. Isn't that the truth? So do you want to read your own or shall I read yours? Go on, read mine. So Sam is a fire element. As a fire sign, Leos are characterised by their passion, their impulsiveness and their energy. I would say pretty bang on. Three words I would probably use to describe you. Passion, impulsiveness and energy. So how do you feel about that? Do you know what? I don't know if I believe in astrology, but then when I read the things about Leo, and what they're compatible with, whether or not who they are, like those kind of things, I genuinely do think I believe in it.

35:57Okay. Because it's too bang on. And this one, your one, just solidifies it. Pete Wicks is a water element. He's a Scorpio, and they're described as emotional navigators and are thought to be highly intuitive and psychic. I knew you were going to say that. Psychic I didn't actually see coming. I'm going to be honest with you. I thought it was going to be more stingy. More stingy. Quite a stingy guy. Pete's the kind of guy that you walk in, you're wearing something that he doesn't quite like, and you'll just immediately go, ooh. So what you've done there is you've just gone Scorpio sting. Yeah. Which is weird because when I look at it, I always think, God, he's Aurora.

36:37Well, no, okay, let me dive into it a little bit more. Psychics don't really understand. Intuitive, yes, absolutely. Pete always knows how I'm feeling before I say it, and that's a genuine thing. He's very good at, like, reading me as a person. Emotional navigator. If it said emotionally unavailable, then I think we would probably be... We're close. Emotional navigator is a weird one because I think with other people, you're incredibly good at telling people how to navigate their emotions. With Pete himself, he's not so... I'm still trying to find mine. Not so great at that one. Why don't we actually, whilst we're on this, because it's quite interesting, since we've gone into what the elements of our star sign is, why don't you describe us what our star signs actually mean?

37:18So what is a Leo? Do you know anything about this? Yeah, I think so. We've got some bad traits. Leos are known for their natural confidence, loyalty, warmth, and love being the centre of attention at all times. They embody traits like leadership, charisma, and creativity. Wait, wait, wait, wait. There are bad ones. What are the bad traits? I know there are bad ones with it as well. Here we go. Weaknesses. Pippa's excitement. She said weaknesses. arrogant and self-centered their need for admiration can cross over into excessive ego and demanding attitude attention seeking leos thrive in the spotlight can resort to dramatic measures and flamboyant behavior to get recognition they crave the mullet stubborn and inflexible leos can be set in their ways and possessive like a lion protecting its pride jealous or possessive I feel like there were like only about three good ones and they just got a hammer.

38:16And a dickhead. So he's a ****. Yeah. So let's sum up Leos. They're charismatic, but stay the fuck away. Well, fuck me. If that's yours, I can't wait to hear fucking what Scorpio's. I'm so excited. Would you say that that was an accurate description of you? Yeah, but I think they're quite exaggerated. I think like, I think. Well, they're also some, what's that, bullshit. No, I actually do believe in them because I can be sort of a little bit attention-seekative. But I think everyone can. I think you can pull out different parts of that for everyone. You can find something in everyone, can't you?

38:52Go on then, people. What's Scorpio? Scorpio, determined and ambitious, laser-focused and will pursue their goals relentlessly. Loyal, they are fiercely loyal and protective of those they care about. Once you trust them, they are a devoted friend and partner. Intuitive and perceptive, highly attuned to emotional currents around them. Brave and resourceful, They are not afraid of difficult challenges and can be relied on in a crisis. How many does he have? Those are all his strengths. Give me the weaknesses. He has about 20 ,000 strengths. Weaknesses. Weaknesses. Secretive and suspicious. They tend to keep emotions guarded, making them hard to get to know.

39:29They are distrusting. Jealous and possessive. Intense passions can manifest jealousy and is controlling, domineering nature. Resentful. They have a reputation for holding grudges. they take a long time to forgive and stubborn. Once their mind is set, it is difficult to get a Scorpio to change their opinions. I don't think yours were that bad. I hoped for worse, if I wanted to be. We intertwined a little bit in the jealous and possessive bit. So the final thing then, I think, which we obviously have to do, I think the final thing is, are Leos and Scorpios a good match? Are Leos and Scorpios a good match?

40:08Oh my God, why have we never done this before? I bet we are. I bet we're fire. I mean, it's fire and water. So that would suggest that they are kind of opposites. Which attract. Element-wise. Yes, Leos and Scorpios are highly compatible, forming a passionate and loyal partnership built on mutual admiration and trust, though they must navigate potential power struggles and jealousy. Hmm, okay, all right. I mean, to be fair, as much as I think that's bullshit, Mate, they're not bad. Mate, should we twerk? What? I don't know. I just feel like we should. I've got a question for you before we leave.

40:48Okay. All right. No worries, mate. Would you love me if I was a worm? Huh? Would you love me if I was a worm? Oh, would you do? No, if I was an actual worm. Let me put it this way. I mean, I'm a worm. It's a tough. No, I understand. I understand. It's a tough one because I don't know how I would know you. No, no, so this is the thing. So you know that I'm the worm. Let's say you see a worm on that table. You know that's me and you know that I'm having my thoughts and I can see you and I'm like, that's Pete. And I'm like, fuck, I'm a worm. But you can't say that to me because you're a worm. I can't, but you know that that's me and you know that I know that's me.

41:28Would you still love me if I was a worm? Yeah, I mean, it would be, that table would be my lasting memory of you. No, but as in like, would you take my little worm self and pick me up and put me in your little pocket so I could travel around with you? But you knew that's me. Like everything that I am as this human being now has just been transferred into that worm. You know it's me. You know I have all the thoughts I have. Would you love me as a worm? Because, I mean, you just said all the thoughts that I have because this isn't a question from anyone. This is coming from me. Yeah, I'll be honest with you.

41:59I don't really understand. Would you still love me if I was a brick? Yeah. You know, I have the same thoughts and feelings right now. Would you use me to build a hat? What the fuck are you talking about? Why am I suddenly thinking of Pete as a brick and being like, I know that Pete's... Imagine, imagine though. So like, there's just a brick, but you know that's Pete. But it's just... How annoyed would he be? He'd be inside his brick, but like, this fucking sucks. And you know there's nothing he can do because he can't move. so he's just there as a brick and it's just Peter I would love you as a brick I would carry you around as a brick and I'd put you down like I'd just put you on my little chair here as your little brick self and I'd be like knowing you'd be so annoyed I'd give you a little brick tickle do you know what the best thing is?

42:55I can see you as a brick and I can see me as a worm

43:03thank you for listening to staying relevant I don't know what's happened to feature in this podcast email hello at srproductions.co.uk subscribe, follow, do all of that crap we will see you motherfuckers after the O2 we love you so much pizza brick Sam's a worm this has been a staying relevant production

43:31Hey y 'all, Kelly Clarkson here with Wayfair. You know my favorite compliment during the holidays? Your house feels so cozy. That's when I know everyone's comfortable enough to kick off their shoes, grab more dessert, and stay a little longer. Wayfair makes it easy, with everything from dining furniture to festive guest room essentials, all in one place. So whether you're hosting for an afternoon or all weekend, everyone feels right at home. Get holiday guests ready at Wayfair.com or on the Wayfair app today. Wayfair, every style, every home We ask podcast fans where they take the most notice of a brand The lowest scoring answer is repetition inside a single show But move that identical message across audio and video podcasts Across podcasts and social media clips Or having several creators talk about it And your campaign will get a 10 point increase in brand recall That's just one finding in the latest Podcast Pulse 2026 report from Acast Download it for free at acast.com slash pulse.

44:31Hello Relevanters. We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog Marry Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, Jeannie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.