Sam is Exposed...

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0:41That's why there's Noom. They combine GLP-1s to quiet the food noise with healthy habits that help you keep it quiet, even if you get off the meds. Their program is designed to make weight loss a smooth ride, helping you understand what drives you, so you can build better habits to not just lose weight, but keep it off. Noom. Lose for keeps. Get started at Noom.com. Not all customers will clinically qualify for medications. Individual results may vary. Hello, hello. This is Brooke DeVard, host of the Naked Beauty Podcast. I want to talk to you about Lexus. At Lexus, master craftsmen called Takumi are involved not just in physical craftsmanship, but in all of those sensory details.

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1:55Welcome to Staying Relevant, the bonus episode of podcast hosted by two best friends, myself, Sam Thompson and Peter James, Jonathan Joseph Wicks.

2:09This is the bonus episode, which means it is Thursday that this comes out audibly now. And then you'll be able to watch this on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5pm on Sunday and Monday's main episode. You can now watch Josh and Kim's YouTube channel as of 5pm Wednesday last night. So that means you can catch us on a... Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. Wonderful stuff. And on Kira. Make sure you rate, review, do all of that crap. Follow us on socials at Staying With The Podcast. You know the score by now. I mean, fuck me. I've bore myself every week saying that. How many times have I had to say that?

2:45It's like 200 times. How many episodes have we done? 177 but double that because of the bonuses oh yeah we are we're gearing up to sort of 500 a monkey of episodes a monkey of episodes and you're about to do your favourite bit here we go if you want to feature in the bonus episode then email the worst email address in the world hello at srproductions.co.uk shall we crack straight on with the fucking email here we go right first oh why can I see photos of myself I'll do this one shall I what the hell's this hey boys Oh, hey, Queen. I am emailing for two reasons. I wanted to say I listen to you all the time and think you guys are bloody awesome.

3:25Yes. The rest of the team, they're okay. Secondly, I think Sam looks awesome in blue. He's absolutely not punching with his girlfriend. However, can he wear other colours? Not just blue all the time. Photos attached. What is this new obsession, please? We now have four attached photos in a range of blues. We have a royal blue. We have sort of a light sky blue, I would call that. We then have sort of a dusky sort of striped blue and a blue blue. To go through that, just quickly, I don't actually act, I want to put this out, I don't actively wear blue all the time. Yeah, but you actively buy it now.

4:10No, I don't even, it just happens that they're all different days. I've just got a few blue numbers. A few? A few? You are just, I'm blue. Dabba dee dabba die. Love that song. Dabba dee dabba die. Dabba dee dabba die. I live in a blue house with a blue window. I got a blue penis. Blue is the colour. Money. It's a long, these are all very different days. No, yeah. And she's taking screen grabs. We're not fucking blind. we can see their different days and different outfits but it is a lot of blue just the fact that it's actually it's come to the listeners attention all of us have noticed really isn't it it's going around the office we take bets now Sam's coming in what colour blue do you think he'll have on and we guess the shade of blue do you actually take bets?

4:57you don't take bets yeah listen you're Mr Blue you're 50 shades of blue fuck's sake these days so what is it about blue is it your favourite colour now? no it's I just it's the easiest colour that anyone looks good in and when you're not trying to push boundaries you go what can I wear that just might just look nice you know what is your favourite colour my favourite colour is that the blue on the bottom left so it is the blue is your favourite colour oh yeah the blue is your favourite colour I'm a Chelsea fan as well mate oh well there you go so it's all about the blue alright here's the next one James Jimbo goes Sam and Pete how are we we're very good thank you James my pals and I were talking about this at the pub and I immediately thought of U2 and Question Time.

5:41So here we go. I should have played Uno, mate. If you are trapped in a room with 999 other strangers from the country, any age or demographic or gender, to escape the room, you have to do one thing better than all the other people in the room. You've got to be the best out of 1 ,000 people. What one thing do you back yourself in that you're better at than anyone else? Yeah, I could do my little... Honestly, I thought you were going to be like sex. I was so convinced. So you want me to fuck my way out of the room? I think you could. No, it wouldn't be. If they asked you to fuck your way out of the room, do you reckon you could?

6:14It wouldn't be for... I could finger my way out. It's a lost art, you know what I mean? No, I agree. I agree. It's a tough question, that, because I'm not particularly good at anything. Do you know what? I would talk my way out of it. I reckon I could talk better than anyone. What about drink your way out? I could drink my way out. It's any age, any gender. their chances are with a thousand we are and it depends location wise because if we're in somewhere like fucking Doncaster I've got no choice they can put them away yeah they're drunks yeah so um hey Doncaster um I don't know man it's a tough one I don't really have a talent see I think mine you're you're the holder of seven world records so well that's a very good point but I think mine would be speed speed you think you're you would be so any age any demographic you would rate yourself faster than a random 999 people you think you'd be up there that or eating quickly I reckon I could bang 30 McDonald's cheeseburgers faster than most I don't think you could bang 30 McDonald's cheeseburgers full stop I could you could eat 30 30 McEviz in one sitting in one sitting in one sitting in one sitting maybe 15 I think we should film that no 15 15, 15.

7:35Sam, Sam is 13. No, in all seriousness, 15, because 30 is too much. Yes. If I'm actually being... As soon as we were going to test that theory, we halved it. No, no, mate, I think I could do...

7:51I think I could do 15. 15. 15 cheeseburgers. How quickly do you think... Because we're going to do this now, I'm sorry. 15 cheeseburgers. 15. I reckon I could bang in... So we're now doing eating challenge. This is what it's come to. Are we talking with water? Yeah, you know, yeah. You've got to let me have my vices, yeah. In how long? What's the time? Water is now a vice. No, just, you've got to let me have my things, man. Do you know what I mean? I can't just dry mouth my way through it. You're not going to raw dog it. I'm not going to raw dog it. Yeah, I would say I reckon I could do it in five minutes.

8:2915 cheeseburgers in five minutes. 15 cheeseburgers in five minutes. All right. So again, we're going to record this. So 10 minutes? We'll double that. Okay, fine. We'll double the time. Quite easy then. That's all in. That's easy. You think 15 cheeseburgers in 10 minutes? 15 cheeseburgers in 10 minutes. That's easy. Yeah. Well, look forward to you next week because on socials, Pippa versus Sam in a 15 cheeseburger fucking deal. Yeah, deal. I'm gluten-free. We'll get gluten-free cheeseburgers. They don't exist. How do you know? I'm talking about Matt D's, by the way. Just gluten-free buns. Just patties.

8:58No, you've got to have a bunch of it as well. No, this isn't This isn't a patty race, darling. So what we'll do is we'll go and buy 15 small burger buns and we'll just replace them and put the McDonald's thing in. Nice. Listen, you ain't getting out of this, you pair of fucking prats. I could do it 10 minutes ago. No, I didn't. It's your thing. But now it's a race. No, no, no, no, no. It's easy, darling. We've got enough races. No, no, no, no. Let's do it. Listen, it's easy. We've got a new element to staying relevant now, which is Pippa versus Sam in everything. Very competitive. so this is we're calling it the big burger off the big B off 10 minutes yep yeah easy right it's quite a long time yeah hold on so now so 10 minutes so if neither of you do it 10 minutes is the limit and we'll see I'm going to judge this fine because I'm the only one I think that will do this fairly and you can't chuck up afterwards you've got to keep it down well outside of the 10 minutes you can't chuck up during the 10 minutes and then there'll be a 5 minute calling calling off period so you've got 15 minutes not to throw up after that do what you want yeah deal alright yeah but but what I will say so the 10 minute time limit is there if none of you can complete 15 burgers it will be whoever's done the most but it is a race yes so whoever does it quickest wins and we'll put money on it okay okay alright 50 quid okay no I'll tell you what we're going to do oh my god where do you think you are no here we are I'll tell you what I'll tell you what we'll do it's 100 pounds on it whoever has to donate£100 to be more fab for your rub.

10:32Yeah, easy. Yeah. Deal. All right, there you go. What do you mean? Even I'm not sitting there being like, okay, deal. Well, you did say it was easy. No, you're right. It's how this whole thing started. I'll beat you in that, for sure. Okay. I eat like a... Yeah, but what if we both do it? I still win. No, no, no. Because it's the quickest time. Okay, fine. Fine. I know what you're going to do. You're going to come too quick out the gates and you're going to fuck it up. Okay. But that, okay, cool. That's one thing. Another thing I could do is pee. My pee accuracy is phenomenal. Well, we ain't doing that on a video.

11:05Mitt Pippa, we're going head to head. You can have that one. So I can pee. I can hit the exact thing I need to hit. Why is there always piss on your seats at home then?

11:21Losing weight can feel like a roller coaster, Full of ups, downs, and being thrown for loops, like when someone brings donuts into the office, or your kids' dino nuggets start giving you that look again. That's why there's Noom. They combine GLP-1s to quiet the food noise with healthy habits that help you keep it quiet, even if you get off the meds. Their program is designed to make weight loss a smooth ride, helping you understand what drives you, so you can build better habits to not just lose weight, but keep it off. Noom. Lose for keeps. Get started at Noom.com. Not all customers will clinically qualify for medications.

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13:09What is that? Is it? Like, oh, that's a really bad thing that happened recently. My girlfriend and saw a nugget. Yeah, I know. I know. It was so bad. Where? On you? No, not on me. It stuck to me. On her chest. Yeah, no, she, because she basically was like, you don't have any soap in your bathroom. Like the bathroom I basically got. But what you do have is shit down the pan. So, it was, you know my office loo? No soap. Found some shit. You left shit in there. So basically, no, so basically, what happened, you know my office loo, Pete? So that's where I go Your gaming room Yeah that's where I go Yeah my gaming room One time when we were filming a video around there It was What are you about to say?

13:52I don't even know where you're coming from The shower was covered in pubes What? What was that? When was How have you left that so long? When was that? I think you dry shaved in there And it was just right firstly why would you dry shave in a shower i don't know wet shaving covered in pubes it's an electric razor how long ago is that right so anyone that goes to sam's one room i suggest you avoid is the one that's covered in pubes and shit it's in the gaming room that's my room that's like where i escaped to and it's basically if i ever on the door there's like that that tape that you have like that beware yeah like stay out high voltage high voltage on the gaming room i i i basically when i say i'm going for a number two i go i'm going to wash my hands and um but she's now she's now clocked that wash my hands means as of the as have the people that listen to this podcast that you've decided to tell and because of that she basically went you don't wash your hands when you come downstairs afterwards and i'm like don't look at the camera like that Don't look despairingly at the camera.

15:11I do wash my hands. Sorry, what reaction did you want from me? Your bird's found shit and you don't wash your hands, mate. And then she's coming out of nowhere and discussed the fact that half of your fucking dead skin cell pews from around your fucking nutsack are in the shower and all. What reaction did you want? I just a little bit of understanding. I don't understand, you dirty, dirty boy. But me and you are similar. We're fucking not. We are. I'll tell you, you could eat your fucking dinner off my pan. Look, I do wash my hands. I just run out of soap at that exact point. So she was like, I'm going to go upstairs and put some soap in your loo that you go and wash your hands in.

15:56Is there any bleach for the fucking pan? We do actually have bleach, yeah. Fucking try using it, you c***. But then, as she's telling me off, I've got a video of it, as she's telling me off, because I'm filming her. So you then videoed Her finding shit in your toilet and being angry about it. Who says romance is dead? She literally goes, I've actually got it right here. Here it is. It's hand lotion. I know. There's a piece of shit in the pot.

16:33A piece of shit. She literally, she's literally, she's literally put the soap on the thing, turned around, looked in the loo and got a piece of shit in your loo. When I tell you the fear, don't look like that. Let's just throw this around, all right, because I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. We've assumed it's your shit. Yeah, no, it is. It is. It is. Well, what happens if she's just trying to... Ah, I see what you're doing there. What happens if she's double bluffing and Tally has dropped a fucking load in the toilet and it ain't flushed? Yeah. My flush is just a little bit weak.

17:11That's the problem. Your flush is weak. Yes, it flushed. Flush is weak, shit is strong. Yes, pretty much. A little life vessel had broken off from the main vessel, from the main ship. Anyway. Question time. So, fuck me. The question was, how would you get out of a room with 999 people? oh sorry yeah my p stream i'm i've got i got mad accurate p stream well there you go and that answers it for you yeah i could like as in i could walk away i'd like to finish from okay but i'm just saying i could walk away from it and still hit the exact same place i mean there's no way of us verifying you could me and you could no i sam i don't want josh you could come.

18:01Would you two ever cross swords? We have once before. We have. We have. We have. We have crossed swords. No we haven't. At Hermano HQ where we both went to the bathroom together. We did. We crossed swords. That was firstly over ten years ago when me and Pete first met. And I don't think we did. We did. Why would? No we didn't. I actually watched you take a pee instead. Yeah I was going to say because if you'd have fucking started saying cross swords you'd have ended up on your back pissing on yourself. Would you ever cross swords with me? No. Why? Why would I? Loads of best friends do it. Go and get a new best friend.

18:37We wouldn't have to touch penises. You don't actually cross swords like that. No, no, no, no, no, no. But why? Brothers do it at home. No. I'm a 37-year-old fella. Yeah, that's fine. I don't need to go, come piss with me. I'll piss on me own. I've been doing it for 37 years and I'm quite happy doing it that way. And you never played battle swords where you're literally just like... where you cross streams. Josh, you must have. Normally I would try and stick up for you, but I just haven't done this with my brother. You guys haven't lived. Well, it's not like I do it with my sister. Would you do it with them?

19:13No. All right. Yeah. It's your lack of brotherless here. Let's just clarify. So firstly, he's not invited to cross swords and fucking piss with me. So he certainly isn't either. I don't want to. Good, Josh. because that's sensible I don't want to piss with you I don't want to piss with you yeah that's fine I think that shows a severe lack of camaraderie I'm quite happy also apologies for the cough there I've seen someone complain about the fact that I cough too much fuck you don't listen do they actually really yeah someone said I'm really worried about Pete all he does is cough oh that's nice they're worried about you yeah worry about yourself I've got so on that note I've got a really good question actually and this is in question times I think this is fucking brilliant.

19:59Question time. Would you rather fight 100 Mini Sams or 100 Mini Peets? I mean, that's not even a good question. It's a fairly easy answer, isn't it? Why? Well, obviously, everyone would rather fight 100 Mini Sams. What, I don't know. Well, all they do is hug you. No, because we're tiny. 100 Mini Sams is basically minions. Yeah, but I'll get everywhere. Well, but there would be 100 of me as well. How would you, as a miniature Pete, and there's 100 of you, How would you take down a large human? How would I take them down? Yeah, bear in mind, you're like that big. You need to get down to your level.

20:33As soon as you knock them off their feet, then they're the back. How are you knocking them off their feet when you're that big? Well, chew at the ankles, stab at the ankles.

20:42Do you know what I mean? Because then they're up and down, they'll lose balance. Then when they come down. Just swarm. Well, no, because you can't swarm a whole body because a hundred is still not enough. So what you would do is I would designate 60 people straight at the neck. 60 feet? As soon as you've gone. well yeah because as soon as you've broken through to the jugular they're dead I see what you're saying so you designate enough miniature peats yeah animal killer you go straight for the neck you've taken it straight out of the jugular they're gone do you know what I would do so as soon as you get them down to that level because you can't work your way up you're not going to be climbing they'll push you off won't they it's easy so you need to swarm fast sorry the picture of mini peats swarming boys we need to swarm it'd be regulated it'd be do you know what I mean you need to have a game plan for that sort of thing you can't all just go go at it withy nilly you know what I mean this is where we're going now we're going to aim for this fucking ankle as soon as they come down straight to the neck so you 60 neck us 40 we're going straight in at the eyes because then you're going to take out they won't be able to see do you know what I mean a couple of them in at the eyes stabbing and fucking biting at the eyes and then it's done then isn't it little peach just stabbing and biting for me is so funny do you know what I would do I agree with knocking them over I'd find a way of getting them over and then just straighten them out.

21:58I mean, really what you could have, you could have 50 minis on one side, 50 minis on the other side, a little bit of fishing wire or something. Really go out, take them out, take the feet from under them and then when they're down, that's when you look at the vulnerable parts, the weakest parts. Put the mouth. No, because they'll chill you. You don't want to go in at the mouth. That's a dangerous area. If you pack up the mouth with enough bodies. But all that's going to be, what, a choke them? Oh, I'm accepting that a few of mini sounds are going to go down and they're going to perish. Yeah, well, the thick peats, they're going in first.

22:26They're the front line. You keep the clever ones at the back to wrangle everyone. And do you know what I mean? Listen, if you do it that way, you've got the generals. This next part of the podcast is brought to you by TUI. Right. So a quick recap. Sam and I can never agree on where to go on holiday. But then we realised the TUI website has loads of different options, packed full of holidays that we can both actually agree on, which, to be honest with you, is a bit of a tough job for you and I agreeing on things. isn't it? Yeah, absolutely. It is. So what we thought we'd do is we'd become the experts and we'd try and find a pair of listeners and see if we could sort out their holiday.

23:02Yeah. And what happened, Sam? We failed. We did. Quite badly. Yeah. I don't know why, when we can't even do it for ourselves, we thought we'd be able to do it for other people, Sam. Hold on a second here. We had the lovely Sam and Becky in the studio and we had a really nice chat with them and really got to the bottom of a few things. Just like us, they were disagreeing heavily, actually. They disagreed on almost everything that they wanted to do on their holiday. So at the very least, it was good to share the experience with other people. Yeah, absolutely. But at the end of the recording, we basically had a stalemate.

23:34We couldn't figure it out, could we? No. So we effectively handed it over to TUI. The TUI website has the answer to all your holiday dilemmas. Yeah. Are you ready? Yeah. Are you excited? Very. I love them. Because I think we're going to chat to Sam and Becky again. and we are going to find out if they manage to find the perfect holiday. Welcome back to the Sofas, Sam and Becky, everybody. How are you both? Good? Good. Yeah, really good. Time to catch up. Am I right in thinking you're right in the middle of the planning at the minute? We know where we're going. Okay, all right. Well, this is the big reveal then.

24:08Oh, my God, yeah, where are you going? Where are you going? So, we're going to Greece. Yes. Halkidiki and I think it's Kaleves that we're going, that it's called. Nice. Kaleves. That one. Oh, hello, Peter. Kalives. Well, either or, let's go with Kalives, shall we? So, why have you picked Greece? So, basically, I thought, you know what? I normally always take the lead, and I thought I'd give her a chance to actually have something she wants. Okay, so you narrowed down where you were going. You've picked the hotel. I picked out of the five that I was given, yeah. Excellent. And I believe you're going to the Tui Blue Lagoon Palace.

24:41Oh, lovely. Sounds very nice. Very a palette anyway. It's fantastic. Sounds great. Very nice. So you picked the hotel? Yeah. Okay, why did you pick that hotel? Purely for the relaxation for me, there are sunbeds in the pool with the view of the beach over the side. And all I thought was, actually, if I get rid of her for a few days, it would be perfect. OK, I like the sound of this. A hotel, big pool, water loungers, laid back evening entertainment and a spa. Going to get yourself down to spa? Yep. See, that's the one thing I like. Pedicure. OK, I mean, look, so it's based in a traditional seaside village.

25:13It's known for its long sandy beaches, olive groves and shallow waters. Oh! It sounds divine. Quiet, authentic Greek experience. There's waterfront tavernas. I mean, that sounds a bit of me. The views sound lovely because you've got a backdrop of mountains. Just picturesque and lovely. Yeah, it sounds really nice. But I presume this isn't ideal for you by the sounds of it, but there are other things that you can do there, right? Yeah, there's plenty for me. I mean, like I said, I don't do beaches because I don't like sand. Yeah. But it's one of those things that I think, no, I'll put up with it.

25:42I'll put some flip-flops on. Would you walk across the beach for the water sports? Yeah, I can probably see myself on a jet ski. If you want a banana boat, it'd be great. I'll make that be hilarious. Sammy said local cuisine was important to you. Is this something you're going to be enjoying? So, yeah, I have actually had a look. She likes the olives and I like wine. And there's a place that does olive oil, tasting, olives and wine. And you can also do a cookery class. Oh, nice. So we found everything. And it's traditional Greek food. Yeah. So we've got all of that. There was a thing wrapped in vine leaves.

26:11There's like gyros that you can make and everything else. So I was like, I'm all over that. So educational as well. Bit of adventure. What's the other one where they take you to the local market so you can buy all the produce that you're going to cook at the same time? Oh, that's nice. I mean, she's dying inside right now because that's definitely not a bit of her. It's shopping and I hate it. Well, can't you go and do that and then you can actually cook something while I relax whilst you chill out? I could bring it back on like a platter for you. I mean, that would be perfect. Do you know what's so nice about this, though, is that it's exactly what we're talking about, that you each have something that you can do.

26:40Have there been any kind of surprises when you've been researching the hotel and location? The surprise was the cookery classes on site. And we found out that there's Aristotle's birthplace nearby. Very cool. And there's secret waterfalls and caves. Mate, that's like the coolest place to go for ancient Greece. That's the day trip I'm quite happy to go. Becky, we've turned you. Only one day. So you've actually found things that you both like and you've compromised a little bit. So are we excited? Yeah, very. Very much so. One last question. What's one thing that you know the other person loves that is maybe outside of your comfort zone?

27:15Me, it's the shopping. You love shopping. I love a mooch. You love to mooch. Okay, are you up for doing that when you're away? I'll carry her bags and watch her mooch, yeah. That's what you say. I will just stand and wait for her to finish. What's one thing that she likes that you are up for doing whilst you're away? She loves a boat trip. So we're thinking there's this boat trip that we found out that goes to these little secret coves and private beaches. So I'm going to be a nightmare and sat on this boat in the middle of the sea. While I'm having the best time ever. Oh, boats with those little coves as well in Greece.

27:44The water's going to be amazing. And there's them secret monasteries, isn't there, that are built into the mountains. This is another one that they do as part of it. There's so much on offer here. I would love to come with you. I'm not saying I'm going to crash. I'm happy for you to take Sam. Come and see Zeus with me. Don't, because I will. Don't say things you don't want to actually maintain. You can relax with her. Yeah, let him know I said hello. We'll go chill out and have a massage or something. Not a problem. No, it sounds like you're going to have an amazing time. Thanks to Tui, you have found the perfect holiday, proving that they can solve any holiday dilemmas.

28:14We've helped you get there, I think. I think we've helped with the plans. Would you say we're experts? Keep it. I say you're getting there, definitely. With the help of Tui. Getting there. There you go. No, you gave us plenty of suggestions. We're very excited. Yeah, we did. Couldn't let go, no. You're quite clammy. I am clammy today, you know. Yeah, yeah, really clammy. Very odd. Now, we knew you'd be able to find the perfect holiday with Tui, and we finally got your plan for the week sorted. You're all set. Have a blast, guys. I absolutely love those guys. I'm a little bit jealous of their trip, actually, to be fair.

28:43And it's got me thinking, though. I've been noticing in the comments, Peter, that there's so many people out there going through the same thing that we go through, that they've been going through. They can't agree on where to go on holiday. Yeah, I've seen the same thing, Sam. I keep seeing it everywhere. After helping those guys out, I think we could probably help out some more people. I think we should. I think this could be our calling in life. What do you think? Absolutely. Yeah. So watch out because we're going to be back soon with some tips that can help solve any holiday negotiation, no matter what you're disagreeing about.

29:13Tui, you pick it, they sort it. Booking T's and C's apply, adult and abter protected. What Pete said. You know what I mean? They're telling, they're telling, neck, neck, eyes. But I wouldn't go at mouth because that's a dangerous area. Yeah. You know what I mean? Eyes, there's not really much. if you can get in there and you can then they're suddenly blind and we don't know but then you've got the risk of them just running up me but if you go in really at the neck cool I'm quite into this I love it but if you go yeah that's where I'd go it's the most vulnerable part it's why dogs go for necks and whatnot as do lions when they're trying to take down prey that is bigger than them you know fundamentally if we go primal on this that's why animals go for those weaker kind of areas the underbelly yeah the underbelly The underbelly.

30:02Why were you all looking at me? No, I agree with that, by the way. I fully agree. I would still send mine in through the throat, through the mouth. You're getting eaten, bud. Yeah, but then if you shove 10, 15 in there, they can't breathe. I'd spit you out. They're already in there, though, mate. We're burrowing in. You know? I think we could choke them out. But the problem is, I think at that point, within there, you're more likely to kind of choke yourself because you're not going to kill them that quickly. You need to get into an area. Slow, painful death. Do you know what I mean? Just look for any sort of, you know, cut a vein.

30:38These fuckers are bleeding to death. I enjoyed the comparison of like lions, dogs and mini Pee Wicks is going primal. Pippa, what would you rather fight? Mini Pee's or Mini Sam's? Mini Sam's. Why? Why? Why? I don't think that they would stay on job. And I imagine what would happen is you would end up with 100 Mini Sam's as pets. Yeah. They'd all start trying to like headlock me. You'd end up with a hutch of mini Sam's in the garden and you'd have to go and feed them. At that point, we're breeding. We are breeding. What, with each other? Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. No, fundamentally, can you explain how a hundred of you in a hutch is going to breed?

31:16Mate, how are there a hundred mini Sam's? I mean, we're in a hypothetical world and they're breeding. We're shaming. So some of them... Breeding quickly. So if you were mini, right, you'd fuck yourself, make yourself pregnant and birth more, even littler Sams. Absolutely. We have both organs. We can do anything. So actually what we've got is 100 mini hermaphrodite Sams. But you laugh. You laugh now. But when you go to bed, you wake up and there's 1 ,000 mini Sams all running around and they're fucking. And then you're literally like, shit. So now what we've got is a plague of hermaphrodite mini-sams taking up, like locusts.

32:00Yeah, exactly. Biblical times, the apocalypse, so locusts. And then who's laughing now? Now we're in charge. Still all of us, because I tell you what, you know when you get plagues of things like that, and I'm sure it'd work with all the thousand mini-sams, I'd go and boil the kettle and I'd pour it on you like I would with an ant's nest. Doesn't matter, mate. We've got eggs. We have egg sacks. So now you've got eggs. Yeah. And we are, and we are, you blink and we're a million. Yours are all too busy shagging to attack anyone. So I'd still pick yours. No, because we've delegated. There's just a hundred people just shagging.

32:33You're fighting, you're fucking. Yeah. There's a hundred of us just shagging and then there's 900 of us just fighting. One of my favourite sections of staying with them is when we do the balance is the question time because they're always so topical and highbrow. Yeah. I mean, look at what we've just done there. But honestly, that's a silly question. Let's move on to something that's a little bit more serious. Would Pete rather have chlamydia or do a high rock? So, listen, I can answer that for you really, really quickly. Chlamydia, it takes a little bit of amoxicillin and it's fucking gone in seven days.

33:01Have you ever had chlamydia? Well, absolutely, yes. How many times? Well, I mean, I don't know because I just take the amoxicillin every Sunday just in case. And how does it feel? What, the amoxicillin? No, the chlamydia. I've never had symptoms from it. Oh, right, okay, fair. Has anyone in this room had chlamydia before? No, thank you. Not for them. Okay. Have you? Via Chlamydia? Yes. Buy yourself a bit more time. Ask again. No. Okay. So what we've learnt today is that 100 mini Sams would fuck each other and breed, which would create 1 ,000 mini Sams. At that point, they would then disperse into the fucking Sams and the fighting Sams.

33:46they would create a locust-like plague on the world. We've also discovered that I'd rather have chlamydia than hyrox, and Sam's a bad liar. He's a bad liar who doesn't flush. You don't know me, bro. You don't know my story.

34:10Why are you looking at me not blinking? Brilliant bonus. these are the things that people want to hear on their fucking journeys to work I don't think it is it is it is and if you think that we deserve a trick award fucking vote for us yeah the lines are closed at the time of this coming out shit so you never know we may be up on the shortlist for a trick award we don't know yet we'll find out soon hopefully with with all the kind of posting and stuff that we've done ASAN from today We're going to win. We've already won. Goodbye. Goodbye, everyone. Have a wonderful, wonderful day. If you can't sleep, think about 100 Pete's just jumping over a thing.

34:59Isn't that what they do? Sheep jumping over a thing. Have a wonderful day. Oh, you meant Count Pete's. Yeah, Count Pete's. That's right. Count Pete's. Ta-da. This has been a Staying Relevant production.

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37:02How about a personal W for your health? If you're 45 or older and at average risk, it's time to screen for colon cancer. Now the number one cancer killer of people under 50 in the U.S. It's easy to put off when screening feels like a hassle, but Cologuard Plus makes it simple. It's non-invasive, requires no prep, can be completed at home in about 15 minutes, and is 95 % effective. Talk to your healthcare provider or request Cologuard Plus online, Rx only. Hello, Relevanters! we wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog, Marry, Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters.

37:45So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We're sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.