Sam Is in Love

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1:56I think this is probably a better time than any to say that I farted for the first time in front of my girlfriend and blamed on the cats. Oh, I thought it might have been when you were chasing her around the house and fell up the stairs. Blamed the cats and she believed it. Welcome to Staying Relevant, the podcast with Sam Thompson and me. This is the bonus episode, which means it's Thursday. you'll be able to watch this on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5pm on Sunday and then the main episode which comes out audibly on a Monday you can now watch on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel as of Wednesday yesterday at 5pm which means that you can catch us on a Monday Wednesday Thursday Sunday wonderful there'll be swearing if you don't like it go f*** yourself make sure you rate, review, subscribe do all of that crap you know the deal by now if you want a feature in the bonus episode which is all about you then email hello at srproductions.co.uk.

2:51Sam, say hello. Hello, everybody. How are you? Just to reiterate what Pete said, there will be swearing, so if you don't like it, fuck off, you pricks. I've just always wanted to, like, I love the idea of just being able to say that and not feel guilty about it. Yeah. Have another go. Just fuck off. Yeah. Like, just genuinely, just piss off. Yeah, just fuck off. Just piss off. Yeah, you know, piss off. Just fucking leave it out. Yeah, fucking leave it out. Yeah. Yeah, man. Step off. Yeah, step off, dude. Feels great. Feels really, really good. Emails. Oh, God. Run through the inbox. Well, okay, here we go.

3:29Right, so. Here we go. Email from Jess. Hello, Jessica. How are you? We can't reply, actually, so we don't know. Yeah, it was rhetorical, that, wasn't it? Yeah. How are you, Jess? Ica. She goes, hi, team. I just wanted to say how much I absolutely love the podcast. We love you two. It's such a brilliant listen every week. I had a thought that could be hilarious and terrifying. What if we got a little peek into the real Sam and Pete? I'm talking their actual notes on their phones. I feel like there's gold in there. Random reminders, half-formed ideas, weird thoughts, basically a direct line into their brains.

4:05Nothing says more about a person than this. Thanks for all the laughs and brilliance. Every week, you're the best from Jess. Pete's already got his phone now. Deleting. They're hastily deleting notes. okay these could be a bit boring i don't know let me have a quick look first one first one i found it's literally the top thing on my notes chin up no chin up i've told myself chin up oh shut up i have i've written chin up to myself notes mine are um so good as well dear me mine are

4:49Oh my God. Mine are quotes when I have to write press pieces for different things and I write them out. Welcome to an evening with intros for different things that I memorize when I go.

5:04Loads of different statements and stuff. So serious.

5:15I've got while Pete's waiting I've got chin up and tell Pippa when I thought I could smell burning that is no lie tell Pippa when I thought that must have been me like writing for a story for the pod or something you never told me that when I've got one that I never posted which is when I lost Peggy I wrote a letter to her oh my god meanwhile Sam forgot to tell me about the burning yeah mine are all quite boring if i'm honestly they're all work related other than potential layers they're generally things when i have if i need to do something if i know i've got something coming up and people want an intro or if it's like um hosting saying represent and you know people say like give us an anecdote when you go and like show you or whatever else i write them down and memorize them so that i can tell the story properly do you know i mean rather than going around random houses.

6:08So mine are actually quite boring. So actually the insight into my mind is that I'm quite dull. Sam's a motivational. I've got another one going. I got that warthog energy today. Tail up. What the hell does that mean?

6:29It's because warthogs, when they run, they run with their tail up. It's like, I'm ready to get at it today. I've got that warthog energy.

6:40But what does that mean? As in like, when a warthog's like running. Sorry. Have you just looked at the photo of water? When a warthog runs around, it's got its tail like, completely like an antenna. And so it's like, I've got that warthog energy today. Got my tail up. Ready to go. But why have you wrote that in a note? I was like, I'm just telling myself, go and seize a day, I guess. It was a while ago. but that's already in your brain can't you just in the morning go like in your head go I've got that why have you got to write down I don't know I wrote that on the 24th of November 2025 but presumably now you're not going to have much I've got that waterhawk energy today I tell you that I'm like a truffle pig mate I'll sniff anything out my god oink oink that sounded weird alright well don't ask Don't ask what's in my notes.

7:34I didn't. Don't like what's in my notes. I didn't. I didn't ask. So presumably, though, your notes won't be getting as much now because these sort of things will go in your journal. I've got Sam, question mark, exclamation mark. Okay, so what was this? Sorry. Was this a sort of you I need to find myself? Sam? I don't know. I must have been telling myself to do something or something. I don't know. Sam? Mine are actually kind of wild. Listen, now that we have a camera on old fucking Pipsqueak Moonhead, Pippa what are your notes I can't wait for hers to be like boring they bore me reasons for a pay rise I've got loads of boring work ones loads of work ones I've got a list of names I like for a boy, a girl and a dog please run through your dog ones lucky, maple lucky sorry you failed on fucking name one Lucky.

8:31Lucky for a dog. Sorry, that sounds like something like Forest Gun. It's like a movie where they've got like a dog called Lucky and they live in like the... You've written about a warthog and you've just written your name. Yeah, that's fucking joke. I've got warthog energy today. Tell up. Basil, Moose, Radish. Moose is a good name. Did you say Vanish? Vanish. Vanish. Vanish. Where are you? I want a warm beer. I've got loads. Oh, new note. Dishwasher tablets. but oust kettle, go to M &S. I've got a DM that I never sent to my girlfriend beforehand. I've, right. Yeah, I've got a half-formed DM. This is before I met her.

9:12Yeah. Okay, okay. So you've got a half-formed DM. What, this was going to be your slide? This is my slide. Oh, this is brilliant. Jessica, we've unlocked the gold. Sorry, it's been boring so far, but we've found what we're all looking for. Everyone, just a minute. Just a minute. silence and prepare next it's not even that long I've obviously panicked halfway through and be like no that's shit and stop okay so this is from when is this from August the 5th 2025 when I've obviously tried to slide in Tally from what I've heard there's been a pretty bad run of DMs from me but I'm hoping this won't be one of them and then I've stopped from what I've heard yeah because I've slid into a DMs twice with really shit DMs so I sent a one before Okay, so you didn't hear that.

9:59You wrote them. Yeah, no, I heard. From what I've heard, because the other person in my brain told me that Sam sent some terrible emails. No, I sent her a DM. She didn't reply. Thank God you didn't post that because you sound like a right fucking knob. No, do you know what it is? The first DM I ever sent her, which is like earlier, like midway through last year, I was like, I said to her, I went, how is anyone meant to reply to a story when you don't post anything? I remember that as well I sent that to Pippa being like is that a good slide but he would call me up every day being like there's this girl she's really cool like she's really cool I'm just worried she's too cool right fucking help it do you think this is okay do you think I can send this and like she didn't reply to that and then I think she told a friend a mutual friend of ours that my DM sucked so I was going to go in one last time with Tally I've heard that there's been pretty bad review for my DMs now I'm hoping this won't be one of them and then I panicked and didn't don't ask me what's in my fucking notes then I've got a I've got another one saying love your home.

10:58Oh, I've got another slide in. Oh, who's this one to? I don't know. I know who it is too. All right, who is it? Oh, excellent. So let's, we won't say who it's for, but so this was during Sam, obviously, you know, if you have followed the journey of Sam from the epic pits of hell that we started 2025 in. I've got some from there as well. I've deleted them. Excellent. but through to him kind of just getting himself back in the world. There are a number of thought out slide ins. So let's go with another one. I've got hours to wait right now. I don't know where I was. I've got hours to wait right now.

11:39So what better way to pass the time than to get to know someone? Are you based in London?

11:49All I'm going to say is, listen, Peep is one lucky girl. She is one lucky girl. She's hit the jackpot with you, eh, big boy? I've got a chat, GBT, conversation knife. Oh, I can't deal with you. All right, so basically what you've got from that, Jessica, is some slightly random stuff. Sam has used his notes for dating purposes, and mine are all quite boring. And Kippers are just naming things that she doesn't have. Oh, wow, they're actually better than I thought they'd be, to be fair. Next email is from Kim. Hey, boys. I know I'm... No, you've got to say like boys. Okay. Hey, boys. I know I'm a little early here, but take some advice from a woman whose husband has forgotten one too many times.

12:38If you haven't already, it's time to get prepping for Valentine's. Great. Please, can we hear a brainstorm from Sam about what he's got planned for the first Valentine's with his new girlfriend? Pete, any plans for a lucky lady? If not, please give us a hypothetical answer. Love you both and look forward to hearing your plans. Kim. Right. I mean, what we've discovered through any of the things that happen on this pod is I live my life hypothetically. Everything is Pete's hypothetical answer to anything that happens because he's just alone and sad. Nothing changes. So let's concentrate on you first before I hypothetically reveal what I'm going to do for the non-existent girlfriend that I have.

13:17Your first Valentine's. This is a very strong, good point. It's coming up. You are a month today. Oh, fuck. I haven't got anything planned. I've got nothing in the diary. Then Kim has just fucking reminded me. Get on that note. I'm going to have to. All right, wait, wait. What should I do? Come on, go at this like a warthog. Tail up like that. Tail up like a warthog. What should I do? I don't know your relationship, so I can't really comment on what you should do. So give me your ideas. I'll using one of your favourite words veto them all okay and then give you an idea of what I would do in your position okay so it's Valentine's right remember it's fairly fresh you've been together it'll be five months then it's has it it would have been five months by Valentine's Day not that you've been together yeah oh so you from September yeah yeah that's well if you were just dating yeah we haven't really left each other's side to be honest with you yet well yeah probably about four months since we were like boyfriend and girlfriend Have you said I love you?

14:17Yeah. Oh, wait, is that news? That's news. Oh, yeah, no, I have, yeah. Well, Kim. Don't worry about the rest of them emails. Let's break this fucking bad boy down. Pippa, clickbait, Sam's in love. Okay, here we go. Welcome to the new listeners. Everyone tuning in for this one. How did this happen? When did this happen? And who said it first? Set the scene. Dim the lights, Josh. Mate, do you know what? It was actually classic. Just fuck it. I was so awkward. Classic fucking? I was so awkward. It was on the sofa. And I think... Set the scenario. What sort of day? Weekday? Weekend? We were on the sofa.

15:05And I basically known for a bit. But I was like, I just don't want to say it because it's too early and I don't want to freak her out. You'd known for a bit, yeah? Yeah. And so I kept on saying, instead of I love you I like you and then I'd be like I like you a lot and so it's like going into steps and I would like leave the house and be like I like you a lot and like sort of that was like and what would she respond to that? She was like I like you a lot too and I was like okay cool oh god this honestly it's melting my heart and then and then I was sat on the sofa with her and went you know when I say I like you I was like well it's mean something else and then she was like what does it mean and then I panic panicked i went and i went it means i hate you because i panicked and i literally just i went i'm gonna say anything just to make a laugh or something how did that work and not well at all no and she was like i thought you were gonna say something really nice and i was like no i wasn't just panicking and uh okay so okay excellent so it's good to know that you made this awkward it made it so awkward and then and then i was like no no seriously i was like i i think i love you

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18:22But, but, okay, so, no, I need it word for word. I can't, I can't remember it. Was it? No. I put it in the back of my mind. Stop lying, my little warthog. Mate, I was, whatever I said was fucking terrible. Was it? Okay, but listen, Was it, I'm falling in love with you. I have fallen in love with you. Or I love you. Or I think I'm in love with you. It was I think. I think I'm in love with you. Okay. All right. And then since then, it's, so the I think. Now it's just love you. Okay. But what was her response to I think I love you? She then panicked. Okay. And went, fuck, I preferred hate. No, no.

19:00She like paid because I didn't fully give it. She was like, she didn't want to say it to me. because I had to say thanks. She was like, she's like, well, what do you mean? And then I was like, well, I like, you know what I get? I sort of like just crack like I'm doing now, just sort of glitch out. And, um, and then, and then we've, we sort of like sat in silence for a little bit. Okay. So I think I love you. What does that mean? And then you both sat in silence for a bit. And then she went, she went, this is God's way to do. She went, say something. I was like, I love you and she was like okay I love you too I was like alright and then we said it to each other and then sat on the sofa and pressed play on the movie and just sat in silence for like what you didn't say that and then fuck no no we like sat sat in silence watching the TV and then just both started burst out laughing and we were both just like that was the most awkward thing that we could ever that's why I love her so now it's just we're both we are both quiet and awkward people and so like it was quite nice so now so now we're fully and quite often what happens when you see couples who are newly in love is they can't stop saying it so now when you're on the phone it's like love you bye yeah you leave the house love you bye yeah so it's now just do you know what I didn't realise girls are weird right and I'll tell you why I just want to strap in yeah yeah we might need to take this out I don't know but like okay just take it out I don't know.

20:34I don't know. But, but I didn't realize that like girls like really want you to say goodbye when you're leaving the house. I don't know if this is all girls, but like, yes, Josh is nodding his head. Pippa's a bit of a weird one. I feel like she, I can't again, get involved in this. Cause normally it's me saying goodbye as I've booked the cab. But like, bye then. Like when you leave the house, they like really expect you to like come and say goodbye and not to be like, I'm off now and then you just leave. They expect you to go up and actually give them a goodbye. I am going to be honest. I think that is just 101.

21:15I've learned that. No, listen, if I'm with someone, then I would purposely, the first thing I walk through the door is go say hello. Do you know what I mean? Well, say hello, obviously. No, no, no, but then leaving. Imagine if you don't say hello. Leaving, specifically, it would go kiss goodbye. Yeah. Yeah. See, I just, for a long time, have just been leaving. So what? And she'd be like, Sam, and just the door slamming. That's exactly what happened. And I just left. And it was like, I need to go about my day. Like, I'm off. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm just going to, you know, and it's not often I disagree with you.

21:54I don't think that's weird from girls. I feel like. How would you feel if she just, you know, she gets ready in the morning and, you know, she's up before you to go to work and whatever else, and you're upstairs just having a shower, and by the time you get down, she's left and not said goodbye. How would you feel? Yeah, I feel like I've done something wrong. Right, okay. So why is it weird that she... I'm just, I don't know, dude. It's just Warthog energy, mate. I'm just ready to go. You are just my little piggy. Mate, I don't know. But yeah, I didn't really realise that. I got in quite a bit of trouble for that.

22:27So now I make a real effort when I go to be like, I'm leaving now. Well, listen, let's get back to Kim's email. Because this changes everything. Because I was going to say, you're kind of still fresh in this whole thing. So you don't want to go too bad. I didn't realise that you were madly in love and you were the, you know, Romeo and Juliet. God, this is going to be such depressing though, isn't it now? It's going to be like sound like madly in love. So at this point, now you need to go big because you love her. Yeah. You're not just dating, you're together, you're in love. So what are we doing for Valentine's?

23:01I was going to see if she wanted to go skiing. Well, well, well, well. Sam, what a man. Do you want to come? No, Sam. How odd. For your first Valentine's, we're going skiing. Oh, my God, I love you. How great. Pete's coming. What? What do you mean? And they're like, just me, you two making snow angels and hearts in the snow. What, and then me just videoing it for you. what fucking mental is that great concept listen you can't improve on that I think that's great I think you should go skiing for a weekend or four days long weekends course of Alvalde something like that fucking get there that is really romantic beautiful get one of them lovely cabins first trip away yeah but what a great does she ski incredibly well yeah but I ski really well as well didn't I oh yeah you were an Olympic skier oh yeah remember that well good memory I remember all of your bullshit so that's fucking fabulous.

23:57How romantic, sharing a fondue, naked. I think if we can get away because you know what it's like with work and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I know exactly what it's like. You've got more than enough time. You'll be fine. Go scare you. I have nothing to add to that. I think that's actually great. All right. What about you? What are you doing? Oh, pot noodle and a wank.

24:20Pot noodle and a wank and thinking of all the things that I should be doing. God, I feel so vulnerable now. No, mate, that's great. Listen, I think we'll leave it there on that because you can't beat that. That's fucking great. That's really lovely. If I was Peep, I'd be like, do you know what? I love you too. Let's fucking play in the snow together. I love playing in the snow as well. I really, really do. It'd be lovely. And it'd be so romantic and the two of you and you can get all your ski outfits. Or a thing to get Louise and Ryan involved as well. No, I ruined it. Love Louise and Ryan. But it's your first Valentine's.

24:52Just go skiing together. I think that's, I genuinely, do you agree with me? That's just a really lovely, what lovely Valentine's. It's something you both do together. It's not about presents. It's about, the whole point of Valentine's is about love. It's about spending time with people and all that sort of stuff. I think doing something like that is fucking English. Be nervous. It's, what? It's a bit of a nervous trip away, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, you basically live together now. Well, Pippa's going on a hiking trip. Oh, fuck Pippa. I'm not that I'm just trying to put it on Pippa. It's only because she's got to make use of all the equipment she's got from the great outdoors.

25:24Stop walking into work with a fucking DAV bag and a windbreaker on when it's fucking 35 degrees outside. Should we order? Pippa's going on a hiking trip with her fella. Don't, yeah, great. But they've also been together since the dawn of the day. Dawn of time. You two, it's fresh, go in skiing, but go just the two of you. You don't, like, bless, and listen, I love Louise and Ryan and love Leo, but that's, it's not romantic, that's just, you can do that at any point for Valentine's and for that thing go and do that book the fucking time off it's beautiful and that is exactly what Valentine's and love and all that it's about spending time together doing something together having experience together your first Valentine's fucking stunning there you go fuck I've now got to do it got a month alright so we've got we've got question time now question time and this one's a Pete Wicks coded question I adore this what a shock I did it's hypothetical here No, it's not.

26:22It's not. The reason people think I don't exist is because every answer I give is hypothetical. Everything's in make-believe land. You've made it yourselves. I'm real, but you now think I don't exist because all you do is give me a hypothetical. So everything I do isn't real. I am real-life AI. What do you think about Easter eggs being on the shelves already? The same as I think about every sort of public holiday bullshit. You love them? No, it's fucking January. It's January. It's January. So what? I've only just got rid of fucking tinsel. What I don't need is some f***ing bunny with a load of chocolate.

27:06Festive spirit. Easter festive season. It's one of my favourites, the old Easter festive season. It is. Easter's a festive time look it's the same I get asked this last year I dressed up as the Easter Bunny for a fucking job that was with me no oh another one yeah oh the year before actually yeah the year before we were the Easter Bunny like I just think it's just wild like you know it's supposed to be like a obviously a you know if you want to call it the Easter festive season whatever you want but there was supposed to be obviously a reason behind it but it's all just to make money like it's so far in advance who in fuck's name is buying an Easter egg now ready for fucking, what is it, April?

27:48Do you know what I mean? Like, who is going, oh, God, I must get that now. I mean, like, Christmas, I understand, like, Christmas is very expensive and, you know, so people will plan presents and stuff in advance because it is a bigger thing. Well, you can buy your eggs. Who in fuck now is going, oh, shit, I've only got four months until I can get, fuck. Oh, shit. Is it in four months? Where were you storing the Easter egg for two months? Right, a week. I'll tell you what. roll out Easter eggs a week before because that's the only time you think about it. No one is literally on the shelves going, fuck, I must get that egg now.

28:22Wait, in case there's a national shortage of fucking eggs. There was a national shortage of toilet paper. Was that for national toilet season? No, that was for COVID. Okay, but Easter isn't a pandemic, is it, you c***? Were you one of those people that rushed out to go and buy loads of toilet paper? No, because I was at home. I just shit in the garden. What? No, of course I didn't.

28:46clip that up and finish with a shit in the garden. No, of course. It's so good. But again, but the people panic. You literally, people start rumours and go, oh God, there's no toilet paper. I never struggled. Hungry. It'd be lunch soon. If we get through this, it'd be lunch. If we get through this? What do you mean, if we get through this? To be honest with you, right now, the way I'm feeling is touch and go. Mate, but Easter's really important, Pete. Why? Why? Why? Why are you fucking, don't point at me like that. Why? Why is Easter important? Easter's fucking important for people. Yeah, I know.

29:21I know completely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So around that time, it's really important that you remember what Easter is about. I'll tell you what you don't need in January as a reminder. It's a little bunny going, buy me. I've got lovely eggs inside. No, Easter's really important for people. Yeah. And I'll tell you why. Because Christ was resurrected around Easter time. Yeah. And also, like, we just had Christmas, January blues hitting in. We need something fast. Yeah. And it's a time for family. Coming together, exchanging chocolate eggs. No, no, no, no. Doing Easter egg hunts. No, no, no, no.

29:56All of the things I agree with there. What on earth has that got to do whether Nestle are forking out fucking eggs in January? Well, they're just trying to get the spirit up. No, they're trying to get the money up. You know, and the Easter spirit. I've got the Easter spirit. There is no one going, this is the Easter spirit. I don't see any chocolate eggs going, Jesus wants you to buy this. It's got nothing to do with the ridges. It's just a way to make money. I'm full of Easter spirit. Yeah, there we go. Literally, boxing day, I'm like, fucking let's go. Listen, the only people that need to worry about the Easter eggs now is probably all the poor fuckers that have to buy gluten-free fucking ones for her.

30:33Gluten-free eggs that don't have gluten in any way. Well, I don't fucking know what you can and can't eat. you make it up every fucking week. Have you ever bought anyone? You make it up every week. You are, you are. Honestly, you do have it all. Sorry, guys. Sorry. It's fucking hit and miss what you can and can't eat. Always been gloom. Always just been gloom. I can't have that this week. Why is that? Because I'm allergic to something. It's like you. You've got a new fucking syndrome every week. No, I don't. You will. I'll see you on this morning next week with some other fucking thing. I've got ADHD and autism.

31:02I've captured that. Although I am wondering. You've got what? I've got ADHD. eight no but look east is a really special time have you ever bought anyone an egg yeah have you yeah yeah sorry does pete exist walking in to a sainsbury's i just dribbled walking that was a bit terrifying actually um oh i feel like i'm oh here we go i want i want a play-by-play on how you go and buy an easter egg alright this is going to blow your minds guys it's going to blow your minds so about two or three days before Easter yeah I use like my legs walk on the edge of my seat yeah yeah yeah like to like a shop see an Easter egg and go oh I better get that then I take or just wherever I am at the time yeah but like is there one that you specifically get for people like a Malteser or Cadbury's no no it's just there's an egg because it's the thought it doesn't really matter then I just go buy it and then I give it to someone.

32:07Who do you give it to? Well, I've only done it a couple of times whoever I'm dating at the time, I suppose, if they like eggs and that sort of shit. But, you know, it depends on the person. If it's something, if I know someone likes that sort of stuff. I like them. Yeah, cool. So if I know someone likes that sort of stuff then of course I'll go and get them an egg. Do you know what I mean? Because it's a nice thing to do. Like, but it's not, other than that, it's you have a bank holiday for Easter. so what I would prefer to do is go and use the bank holiday and use St. Nice over Easter rather than here's some chocolate.

32:41Oh, but have you ever done an Easter egg hunt? Not voluntarily. Have you done one though? Yeah. Oh, they're amazing. Scurrying around the garden trying to figure out where those tiny little Easter eggs are. Only if you win. Pippa's definitely done. That's very you. It's very Pippa. Well, look, you know, let's finish this up now because, well, this is boring. So maybe it's something to look into, staying rid of an Easter egg hunt. Oh my God, that'd be great. And we got the park just down the road as well. Yeah. Great. I sort of just met me in the office. I didn't think we needed to take it into the - I didn't think we needed to take it all the way sort of into the wild.

33:18Public domain. Yeah, but, well, no, because, you know, if, you know, someone then finds our own eggs and starts nicking them, then I'll, you know, I'll do time and it's not worth it over Easter eggs. Well, talking of time, actually. Yeah, we're running out of it. This is a great segue, actually. Talking of jail, how would you help each other hide a dead body? Which I thought was a great question when it came through. If I came up to you and said, listen, I want to murder someone. Will you help me? Oh, fucking hell. Yeah, see, there's a difference in us. You'd want to know every fact about why, the details of it.

33:56If you said that to me, I'd go, sweet, can I do it? What if I actually count you and I want to take someone out? Yeah, I'd say, I've got a guy. What if I'd done it? Pete, I need your help. Yeah. You turn up, dead body. Yeah. I've got to figure it out. I'd say, roughly, what's the weight? Right, so we're weighing it. Well, roughly, like, give me an example. Okay. Six foot four. Nah, 5 '11". 5 '11". It's 80 kg. Okay, so have you killed me?

34:29okay fine so you know it's too heavy yeah to be able to just move that so we chop it up how we don't well fuck it oh i don't know if i want to do that well you either want the help or you don't yeah but i don't yeah if i don't make that's quite like gruesome well all right fine then if you think you can lug 80 kg down fucking the king's road without anyone wondering what's happening. Can you do that? Yeah. Cool. And so I'll, that's kind of you, actually. Whack it in a suitcase and it just looked like we're going on holiday. I'd quite like us to bury it. Okay. All right. Excellent. So in which case, you can do that.

35:08We can bury that. Where are you thinking? Your backyard. It's weird because I live 40 stories in the air in an apartment. Your mum's backyard. Yeah. No, I don't think so. Why not? All right. We'll do it in your mum's. Karen, sorry, I'm just... He's dead, but just put it down there. We want to put it somewhere where we're not... Yeah, but you'd also like to do something that's not linked to you, I think would probably be the better idea, wouldn't it? Because it's a bit weird to go, listen, we think you may have killed someone. Don't look in the backyard. It's nothing to do with me. Yeah, but that's my point.

35:41Why don't we put it in Tracy's backyard so no one will think about that? But they will, because automatically, if one of us was linked to a murder, what they're going to do is go through every single one of your friend's family and the people around you. What they're not going to do is pop down to Epping Forest in the middle of the forest where we've done it at 3 o 'clock in the fucking morning. And also, when you get cadaver dogs in there, Epping Forest is a great place because it's known for having a lot of bodies buried anyway. So do you know what I mean? The cadaver dogs get confused in there, which is why they can't take them in there.

36:07Just saying. So Tracy Wicks is a possibility. Not for the death. Sorry, what? No, no, no, no, not for death. As in, like, just in terms of we put it in the backyard and then it's not on us. No, no, no, because she's got a lovely pond. she likes her garden. I wouldn't do that to her. Not for someone you've killed. I've got one last question. We both get arrested under suspicion, right? It's looking like one of us is going down. Are you ratting me out? Or am I ratting you out? Or is no, what are we sticking together as a team? No, we know the answer to that, don't we? We're sticking together as a team.

36:36No, the mildest bit of pressure and you are telling them I've done everything. The mildest bit of pressure. You'd go, listen, I'm not saying no comment. No comment. We can probably get you off. Pete did it. you're sitting there being like no it's not us it's not us the difference is and this is the thing is that I love you more than I love myself so I'd go down for it oh I'd send you down I know not only but not just not just for disposing of the body he killed he'd go and he killed it double out and listen watch watch Instagram he bullies me he forced me forced me to help bury that last question this is a big one do we need another one yeah if you're in this is a big one if you're an emergency service vehicle what would your alarm be I'm in a rush get out the fucking way and that has been the bonus oh by the way mine would be hello hello hello hello thank you for listening to Staying Relevant the podcast hosted by Sam Thompson and Pete Wicks if you'd like us to take one out we are offering our services and he doesn't mean a date he's just offered us up as hitmen yeah oh my god we'd be fucking amazing here.

37:47As a duo, we would be unbelievable. I'd just like to clarify, that is hypothetical completely. Neither of us have killed anyone or disposed of any bodies. But something that isn't hypothetical is that Sam is in love. Goodbye. This has been a Staying Relevant production. I'm Serena Williams, and I'm healthier on Roe. I've lost 34 pounds in a year with GLP-1's diet and exercise. On Roe, you can access GLP-1 options, including the first FDA-approved GLP-1 pill for weight loss. Go to roe.co slash journey to see if you qualify. 14 to 20 % average weight loss in one year in non-diabetics with obesity or overweight with a weight-related medical condition versus 2.2 % to 3.1 % in placebo R.

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40:37Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, Jeannie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.