Sam LIED to Pete...

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2:06Noom. Lose for keeps. Get started at Noom.com. Not all customers will clinically qualify for medications. Individual results may vary. Welcome to Staying Relevant, the bonus episode hosted by two best friends me Sam Thompson and Peter James Jonathan Joseph Wicks It is Thursday which means that this is the bonus episode that you can watch on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel for 5pm on Sunday and then the main episode which came out Monday audibly you can now watch as of 5pm last night which was Wednesday so that means you can catch us on a Monday, Wednesday, Thursday It's Sunday. Make sure you rate, review, do all of that crap.

2:51There will be swearing if you don't like it. Go f*** yourself. You know the score by now. Now, the bonus episode is about you, so we do lots of your emails and whatnot. Thank you for everyone that emails us. Pippa really appreciates it. It gives her something to do with her life. And if you want to email Pippa personally and just tell her what you think of her, tell her what you think of her latest outfit choices or, you know. Side of her head. Yeah, anything like that. Then email the worst email address in the world, which is hello at srproductions.co.uk. Josh is also accepting gifts and sort of nice messages via email about his upcoming parenthood.

3:31I didn't realise this. We did a poll. We did a poll of Josh and Kim K. Yeah. From the Trick Awards. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who did it better? I got told everyone was going to be doing it. And Hannah went, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. She lied. Is that when you were balancing the trophy? Yeah, I had no idea what was going on. Good balance there, to be fair. And from what I hear, you won. You won the poll. Did I? Congratulations. Thank you. Now for your prize. Fuck all. Anyway, emails. So we got Lily gets in touch. Sam and Pete. Going to get straight to it. Is it weird to go to the cinema alone? No.

4:13Thank you for email, Lily. I always feel bad when I see people solo in the world but there's so many things I want to do and worry I'm missing out on working around other people's diaries can I have some hacks for how to cope if I feel lonely bring me yeah become friends with Sam you'll never be lonely again oh can we do you know what I think we're actually going to agree on this Pete I go to cinema on my own quite a bit yeah I not so much cinema I have dinner on my own I would rather have dinner on my own than with people I agree well I don't know about that but yeah, I do this. I've got Nandos on my own all the time.

4:46Well, you do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Headphones in, put something on the phone, watch it. As Sam says, headphones, just whack a little thing on your phone. You know what I mean? So good. You know, you can catch up with Sam Relevant on the old YouTube and that. But that's if you subscribe to the YouTube channel. I think there are other ways but it's better when you subscribe. If you feel lonely as well, just go up to somebody. No. Ask them to join you. No. No, yes. No. Go up to someone. This is a tried and tested method. No. Yeah, go up somewhere. Tried and tested, you've never done it. I have. No, you haven't.

5:19I absolutely have. Sam, listen. The amount of times. You talk about how this is a community and a family and you consistently week in, week out, bare face lie to not only those of us in the room, but those of us listening. You have never and would never go out, have dinner or go to cinema and just buddy up with someone. I fucking will. No, you wouldn't. I would. Hi there, Mr. Sir. Would you like to... Hi, Mr. Sir. Yeah, but whatever your name is. Would you like to sit with me? Yeah. No. Actually, do you know how I know? I was having a Nando's on my own and someone came over to me and... So, exactly.

5:56You wouldn't do that. What you have is your fans that come up and then because you have no one to talk to, you'll get them to sit down. And then, yeah, we had Nando's. They just wanted a picture. Yeah. How did you know? I feel like you were there. No, it's because I know you. She was a tennis coach. She. Yeah. You were there. I was. So you weren't on your own. No, no, no. You weren't. I was there. No, but she came over and I said, you can join her. Bare face lighter. I was like, come and join. And she came over. And you also promised her you were going to have private tennis lessons with her. I haven't done that, yeah.

6:27And he gave his number out. His real number because I checked. Yeah, don't give your number out, by the way. And he said he promises, promises, promises, he's going to go for private tennis coaching because he's been wanting to get better at tennis for a while now. So I just want to confirm then. So what happened was you went out for dinner. You got a girl's number for private tennis. No, oh God, no. Tally was there, Tally was there. Right, okay. Good, because that didn't sound great. I'll be honest with you. Sorry, that was me. Yeah, yeah, I'd love to slam some balls with you. She was an older lady.

7:00She was an older lady. And she came over. Pippa Harrod, was she? It was for her daughter. I know but she was like an older lady Okay And I was like oh come over She came over Do you think you'll ever grow out of the barefaced lies Mate that's not a lie Bibble was there Okay how was the tennis lesson Oh no I haven't done that So that was a lie I wait for the day that Pete gets a phone call Hi Sam gave me your number He said The call I would get afterwards I'd be scared for my life It wouldn't be a call It'd be a house call. Yeah, I'd turn up. It'd be a house call. But yeah, going out and doing things your own, I think it's a fucking great thing.

7:41Yeah. Now, go and enjoy. I think it's absolutely fine to go and do that. We all need a bit of me time. Go and do something that you enjoy. And listen, loneliness is a tough thing. You can be surrounded by people and still be lonely. But it's about finding the time for yourself. Deep down in your soul, you can be quite morbidly depressed, actually.

8:02You're not depressed at the moment. That much for damn sure. Hey, boys. My teenage daughter, funnily enough, her middle name is Rose, has recently joined their dating apps. She's on the dating. Her and her friends. Oh, but she's over the moon, her mum has told the world. Rose, you're out there. She's over the fucking moon. Rose is ready. The old daughter's on the dating apps. Yeah, she's still single. Yeah, don't worry about it. No, no, no. She doesn't really want to tell anyone. Who have you told a million people on staying with her? Just trying to help her out. People keep saying no to her. I don't know why she's lovely.

8:40But she's on the date. I always feel bad when I see people. And that's Lily. Yeah, we've done Lily. That's Lily. Has recently joined the dating app. Her and her friends have been using some new terms. I've asked her for a list of the definitions. Thought Pete might also benefit from some definitions as well. Did her? Okay, so breadcrumbing is apparently giving just enough attention I think he guesses. What's bread coming? Bread coming? That's an excitable loaf. Yeah. What's bread crumbing, Pete? Think about, think about. Shut up. Sorry. Bread crumbing.

9:26Hansel and Greg. Yeah, that's the one I was trying to find. So just giving enough to follow. Sprinkling. But never giving them the sandwich. Well, it's basically, I feel like you've nailed it, you've hit the nail on the head there. Giving just enough attention to keep someone interested. Okay, all right, yeah, a bit of bread coming. A little bit of like, oh, hello, and then you don't reply for a few days. Oh, I'm back again. Yeah, where have you been? Just, you know. I just call them if they don't reply. So, you know, she can get through that. Well, they can call you. Obviously, they've all got your number.

9:56I don't think you'll get this one. Orbiting.

10:02Orbit, going round in circles. going round, going round, never make it just, just going round and round and round in circles, never really getting anywhere. Basically a bit of a situation or leaving and coming back, just constantly like a bit of back and forth. A little bit of here and there. Just never committing. Watching all of somebody's stories after you've ghosted them. Right. Do you ever find it weird that to somebody on this planet, they've said the words, I met the weirdest dude I've ever seen in my life. And that person might have been you. No, I don't ever worry about that. I imagine it's something that fills you with fear.

10:47Like we're all probably the weirdest person someone's met. I don't think anyone's ever thought I'm weird. I don't think I'm weird. I think there's plenty of negative people or things that people are saying about me, I'm sure. But I don't think weird is one of them. I think for you, weird is up there. It's weird, isn't it, though? Like Pippa's name has been used before as like the oddest person someone's met. Don't you think it's weird? What is the most common question you get about Sam and what is the most common question you get about me when you are out in the wild? Um, yeah, I get asked if you're really friends all the time.

11:25I get asked if you're really angry. I get asked if you're actually that energetic. I get asked quite a lot if you actually are balding. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, I get asked, like, is the hair actually going? What? Why do people, why are they so interested in that? Yeah, man. Yeah. The crotch, we've already said that one. And when people go, are you actually balding? What do you say? Yeah. Well, you don't like to lose, no, but you can't lie. I say, no, what? What? You're fucking joking, has he? You must be thinking of someone else. Fucking hell. And what about me? Any weird? I get asked if your eyes are that blue in person.

12:06I get asked if they're contacts sometimes. Do you know what's mad? I do get asked if they're contacts. I swear to God, I get asked all the time, are they really, whose fucking eyes do you think they are? No, I get, people think you wear contacts, I think. I get asked about the beard. Yeah, and like your... If it's painted on. Yep. Morbidly tiny penis. Oh, I get asked about both your height a lot. I get asked if I'm taller than you guys. And what do you say about who the tallest is? You, but not much in it. You bet I'm taller. All right, nice, nice, nice, nice. Okay, keep it going with these things.

12:41Benching. Bench, you're putting someone on reserve, so they're just a backup. That's exactly what it says on this script. a backup option. Come on, benching. I've been a bench before. Yeah. You've not been? No, I don't. I have. No, no, no, no. I have not been a bench. Okay, so you're where all the side bits sit. They sit on you, do they? No, I'm not. No, you've been on the bench. You've not been a bench. I got told by the girl I'd been on a couple of dates with, her friend told me that I was on the bench. What, she used that term? Pretty much. She was like, yeah, she was like, you know, you're sort of like fourth in line.

13:21I didn't realise this. Girls have like... Fourth in line. What's the fucking pussy throw? But this is the point. The fucking mental. Girls have a roster. I didn't get this. I didn't realise that girls have like a fucking full... You've got like a good six that you like... That you will go around. Yeah, Pippa. And you've like... Jack's just lucky he's the one that lives with you. But like you've got people like on rotation. Yeah, which is mad because obviously you went through a single summer. You didn't do that. No. I just didn't realise it. I've never had a roster like that. I've never. I have never had a roster like that.

13:53Six people. I was fourth. I was two from bottom. It's not a good place to be. And I kept trying. I was like, I don't want to be fourth. Christ almighty. All right. So, yeah. Oh, yeah. So I've been there. You ever been on the bench? Probably. One of many? Probably. I don't think I would know. I don't. Yeah, they keep it quite quiet. But I don't think you. I can't imagine you go out and wait no no no no I can't see you you're just on the bench but listen stay in alright because you might get a call up someone might get injured someone might get injured you know what I mean you never know it's a topsy turvy world someone's actually got a website for their dating have you seen this so someone has created a little website for their dating and it shows what days they're free and the people they're up against you mean like fucking seven rooms where you can book different dinners so you schedule the appointment.

14:48Yeah, and basically she goes like, all right, so you have to book her, like it's open table, like you're booking a reservation. You have to book her on a day so like, oh, I can't do Saturday because Steve's got her on set. So you can book her on a day. There's nothing I like better than booking someone in for a day. All right? Just around their other appointments and around, you know what I mean? Do you know what's crazy? You can see the other guys that she was dating. Yeah, pretty wild. What man is going to go Just try and Oh god she's not free Tuesday Well this is what the guy said He went fuck Thursday but only after nine Alright Mental Absolutely crazy But yeah I'm sure I've probably been Benched before I just haven't known about it I know what girls Talk about now as well When they speak At 34 years old God you've mastered it all But they don't sit there And the gossip you guys have About the guys you're dating Is mad They'll literally be like Yeah he's alright And they'll go into every single like floor.

15:46Does that worry you? Well, I think I had quite a few. I think that's why I was number four. And you had quite a few women. No, quite a few floors. Yeah. Well, you know. Fine, I've been benched. You haven't. Whatever. No, I think I've... No, I'm sure. I'm sure. Of course I have. But I've just never known. I've never openly said, I'm on the bench. I'm just hoping for that start. I've never really known. But I'm sure I have. Of course I have. This terminology I love. I've never heard this before. Zombying. what does a zombie do why what is it it's a dead person when I say it you're going to be like I could have got that no go on returning after ghosting yeah I could have got that yeah um that's a good yeah I like that oh I got a fucking zombie good one yeah that's a good one yeah I like that a lot I um you've zombied yeah I'm a zombie yeah I haven't zombied yeah I've gone missing and then I've just sort of popped up like nothing happened yeah yeah oh my god how are you I've not spoken to you for two years.

16:42How you been? Yeah, that was life. What happened to you? What are you up to tonight? Yeah. Just completely, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been zombied as well. Have you? Yeah. Do you reply when they come back? Well, what's the term if you ghosted them and then they pop back up? Oh, that's awesome. Because it's, yeah. Haunting. I think that's a haunting, isn't it? Nice. That's very good. It's been haunted by many a person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I'll get a list of, of course. I think we've all been, I've been ghosted before. I think everyone's been, been ghosted at some point, haven't they?

17:16It's a terrible thing to do, but it is also the most easy. Oh, pocketing.

17:25Pocketing. I don't even know how to give you a hint on this one. Saving someone for later. No, you're not going to get this one either. Someone carrying it around, but. You're not going to get it. Go on. I wouldn't, it's a weird one, this. Pocketing is dating somebody, but hiding it from their friends and family. Ooh, okay. Yeah, but I also just, I think if you're having to hide from your friends and family, you probably shouldn't be doing it. Oh, hold on. Well, yeah, if you're hiding, like, friends and family, like, if someone doesn't, yeah, then, well, that's, yeah, well, that's just someone you don't want to be with.

17:55Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, we've got, no. Do you know what I mean? If you're the boy and they're like, no, I just don't really want you to meet my friends or my family, you're like, oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, yeah, that's just a red flag, isn't it? Yeah, pocketing. Yeah, yeah. When do you, like, as boys want to meet friends and family? Mm-hmm? As, like, a guy? When would you want to do that? Oh, for me, like, that's easy. The wedding? Yeah, like, never. I've got a question for you that might make me look like a bit of a dick, but I hope it doesn't. No, we would never do that on this show.

18:28Buckle in. Do you actually want to see the family of your other half on your weekend?

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21:19Well, we should ask Taddy because she can't get fucking away from yours. Yeah, exactly. I am aware of that. I'm like, look. I don't think you fucking are. I am. I'm always like, dude, you do not have to come around for another barbecue. Yeah, you do not have to come round as you're climbing the fence. Yeah, no, I am though. I'm going over, but you don't have to. That's exactly what I say. I do do that because, like, mate - You say I'm going over, but you don't. How fucking weird would that be if she was just in your - She hasn't got a choice. It's not like they're down the road. Like, where's Tally?

21:46Just next door. Yeah, but she's just doing her own thing. She's doing her own thing. I do it all the time. I climb over all the time and go, mate, you don't have to come. Just stay here if you want. But then, that's such a position for her to be in because she can't go - I would. I'd just be like, okay, great. And then Ryan just pops his head and goes, you're not coming over. He does pop over. Well, that's what I mean. She's got nowhere to escape. She's basically in the Thompson Rabbit Warren. She's surrounded in all areas. No, because I'm so upfront with like, dude, because obviously we live next to one.

22:18Dude. She's not. Bruh. Bruh. She's not. Hey, buddy old pal, you don't have to come round if you don't want to. But she's not my family. like she so she's not my family's family right so like she doesn't have to come well no because that would make it incest yeah but I like I was just wondering thankfully she's from another family I was just wondering like for for everybody like do you do you really want to go and see your other half's family well tell us your opinion then obviously we know Teddy hasn't got a choice I don't have an opinion no tell us your opinion do you really want to go and see Teddy's family do you know what yes I do because it doesn't happen all that often Bare-faced liar.

22:58No, because it doesn't happen that much. So, like, when it does, it's special. Oh, so it's the right amount. But any more than that, you'd be like, fuck, you know, not again. Or friends, you know? Like, it doesn't have to be family. Double down. No, not her friends. And the friends. Not her friends. But we can only talk from our own experiences, surely. No, because I actually really like her friends. Yeah. Tell your face. Well, but this is like when you asked me last week if someone came into your house and made an observation, what would you say? It depends what it is. of course if you don't like the family you don't want to see them but if you like them you do yeah no fine what if you're indifferent what if you're indifferent to them um then it's something you do because you love your partner exactly yeah like no repeat no repeat I'm now the girl you're the boy right oh so you don't want to you're just doing it for me well no it depends again on the situation do I like them do I get on them what are we doing they're okay but you'd write it's your weekend you've worked all week you'd probably rather do something else yeah but I'd also rather have a 12 inch cock and I don't.

23:54You know, there's lots of things I would rather in the world but I'm more than happy to go and see your family because I love you. Yeah, fine. Great. But do you want... And I like them if I like them. But do you want to? Yeah.

24:10The reason I ask is because I have a friend who... Same friend that had the thing up his arsehole. This isn't me. This isn't me. You seem to have gained a lot of new friends. This isn't me. all my life this is me so this isn't bam your friends this is lamb and he was like because he basically went he was asked to go to a birthday party of one of his kids friends parents and he was literally like oh fucking hell like I barely know but his wife was literally like hey like I kind of like him so we should go and he was like okay cool we'll go so not family no he was just asked to go to a party of a stranger almost yeah well no I don't want to fucking go to that of course but then the other half was sat there being like well I want to go you should want to go because I want to go no that's just an argument for the sake of argument you do things when you're in a relationship even if you don't want to for them yeah absolutely but but and this is the caveat to that you also do it happily yeah and and that's because at some point that's compromise yeah you don't go well fine I'll fucking go then because you want to because then you're an arsehole don't bother but of course you do things sometimes because it It means something to your partner, but you do it happily because it means thanks to your partner.

25:25So. If you go with an attitude to saying, oh, fucking, oh, fucking hell, then don't fucking bother. But then what if, what if that isn't enough? And it's like, but I want you to want to. Well, then that's your partner being a c***. There you go. But it's true though, because that's, that's compromise. That's what you do. Because there'll be a point where you have to go to saying, listen, babe, I know you don't want to do this, but can you come with me? Yeah, of course, darling. Yeah, exactly. Do you know what I mean? Because it's, it's give and take surely, I presume. But yeah, if you're then going to do something you don't want to do, and you're like, fuck me, like I've got a work event or something, and it's like, fuck, say, I've got to go to this.

26:00You're just putting the whole thing is just a downer because then you're aware of it. Go and make the effort and be the boyfriend, the partner, the fucking husband, the wife, the whatever it may be, that your fucking partner deserves and do it with a fucking smile on your face. But you don't want to go. Because at some point, they will have to do something they don't want to do. And you go and do that because you go and support your partner, surely. Well. My opinion. Now, we do have time for a question time. Oh, thank God. Da-da-da question time. Eggs in the fridge? Is that a statement? I don't understand.

26:33That is a question. I don't have eggs in the fridge. Oh, I see. I don't have eggs in the house. I don't put eggs in my fridge. So I don't know. I don't know the answer to that. I would probably say yes, probably eggs in the fridge, I imagine. No, I would. But I don't keep it, so I don't. Either or, I think, but I wouldn't put eggs in my fridge. which I would put them out. Well, there's no room because it's full of dash water and pepper army. But I still wouldn't do it. No, I don't think so. But also, does it matter? No, it doesn't. Because - It's the point. Why do you care? You don't eat raw egg.

27:05No, you do care. Do you know what I mean? Unless you're Rocky Balboa, you're not fucking, in which case the eggs surely have got to be in the fridge because I imagine them being kind of cold is better if you're going to knock them back raw than having a lukewarm egg raw. But you always cook your eggs, presumably. So it doesn't matter if they're in the fridge or not. I just think it's come out of an animal and milk comes out of an animal. Cheese does. No, no, darling. Cheese doesn't come out of an animal. It kind of does. No, no, no, no, darling. It kind of does. Cheese doesn't come out of an animal.

27:36It kind of does. Cheese is made from the products that come from an animal. Meat is in the fridge and if a chicken is birthing an egg.

27:49you can tell who wrote this question yeah you sort of run this company this is a big one by the way this next question this is one that I came up with myself

28:03are you ready how many children

28:09under five would it take to take you down I can't answer that yeah you can Oh, come on. You know, mate. No, no, seriously. How many kids, right? And if I were to give you, because this is something that's going around the house. I can't answer that. No, you can. Hypothetically. This is a hypothetical question. Hypothetically, you know. How many kindergarten kids would it take to take you to the floor? A thousand.

28:36Okay, also, I need to give you some ground rules here. It's like they come out incrementally. So like they come out in increments. What, how many? How many incrementally coming out of you would it take? So, like, let's say they come out 50 at a time every 30 seconds. I could take 50 at a time. Every 30 seconds? Yeah. There's 55-year-olds. I imagine I'd get tired. I'm not as fit as I used to be, so I'd get tired after a few minutes of it. So how many would it take then, do you think, in a 30-second gap? How many would it take each time to come out and take you down? I think I'd slow down through tiredness.

29:08I mean, like, you know, I'm getting older now. Tiny little gremlins just running at you, mate. And you think you take a thousand down. Well, yeah, because also you have to remember. Every 30 seconds. Yeah, but think of the psychology behind this. They wouldn't have the intelligence to be organised enough because they're very easily distracted. So there's lots of different things you could do. Like I'd spread Haribo and then they'd distract and he'd give me time to slow down on the killing and pick them off. Yeah, I hear you. I do hear you, mate. I still think personally 100 every 30 seconds you get overwhelmed but that look that's just neither here nor there now but all you have to do is really put in a good performance in that first 30 seconds and then it will make the wrestling question whether or not they've got enough fucking to do this and then as soon as they question it and as soon as they become uneasy you know what happens they'll cry and then you're there you won because psychologically as well and also really if you think about it I could probably I could probably psych a few of them out with a stare I think I could take a hundred kids I think you'd become friends with them and forget and you'd end up playing in the sandcastle if I had to if it was life or death no but honestly I obviously would never fucking do that I don't think you I don't think you need to justify that you're not going to go and take down a thousand five-year-olds you know what the fucking Karens are going to go with disclaimer guys disclaimer obviously it would never unless it's a bad And obviously I've done that for entertainment purposes.

30:41Like, I just... You never know. You never know until it's happened. Just to clarify. Yeah, when we do the Netflix talks, I always should have known then. Should have known then. I knew that was going to be a good one, that one. That came straight from the top of the dome. Well, that's all we've got time for here on Staying Relevant. And probably ever. So thanks for being part of the podcast. Strongest episode I think we've ever done. Right, ta-da. This has been a Staying Relevant production.

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33:41Discover The Point at rothys.com. That's R-O-T-H-Y-S dot com. Hello Relevanters! We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog Marry Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. so prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We're sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.