Sam Spills I’m a Celeb Behind-the-Scenes Secrets

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0:37Individual results may vary. Waiting for your sign? Here it is. Shop Labor Day appliance deals at Lowe's before they're gone. Get up to 45 % off select major appliances. Plus, get free delivery, haul-away, installation and parts, and a two-year Lowe's protection plan on purchases of$999 or more. Labor Day deals are on now at Lowe's. In-store and online. Valid through 916, while supplies last. Selection varies by location. See Lowe's.com for more details. Hello, hello. This is Brooke DeVard, host of the Naked Beauty Podcast. I want to talk to you about Lexus. at Lexus master craftsmen called Takumi are involved not just in physical craftsmanship, but in all of those sensory details.

1:23These masters evaluate things like how a door closes, the click of a switch, the acoustic feedback of controls. Instead of just instruments, Takumi craftsmen rely on human perception and intuition to create what sounds and feels right. Out of all of the tools that Lexus uses, the most powerful one is understanding what will make us feel something because a car that doesn't make you feel something is a car that stops short of amazing experience amazing at your lexus dealer hello and welcome to staying relevant the bonus episode hosted by me sam thompson and peter james jonathan joseph wicks this is the bonus episode which means it is thursday when this comes out audibly and you'll be able to watch this on Josh and Kim's YouTube channel from 5pm on Sunday.

2:15You should subscribe to that as well because they're both in danger of losing their jobs. And then Monday's main episode, obviously which came out Monday audibly, you can now watch on their YouTube channel as of 5pm last night which means that you can catch us on a Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. Delightful. This episode will contain swearing. If you don't like it, go f*** yourself. As this is the bonus episode, it's supposed to be about you, so if you want to get involved then email us at the worst email address in the world which is hello at srproductions.co.uk make sure you rate, review, do all of that crap you know the fucking score by now you bunch of fucking idiots.

2:53Well emails are we going straight to emails? What are we doing here? Yeah we're going straight to emails. How are we flying this plane? Well the same as we've done sort of the other hundred bonus episodes we've done I imagine just go straight to the old emails. Just trying to land this bastard. The chit chat's been done in the main episode so let's just crack on with the people shall we? Alright let's get on board. This is a podcast for the people, by the people, about the people. It is indeed. A couple of fucking legends ready to bring you your news. This is all, in fact, I'll read this one because then you are going to fly and I'm going to enjoy my coffee.

3:22All right, lads, surely this is a question on all of our lips. Sam, I'm a celebrity union. Talk to me. Tell us everything. Pete, I want your thoughts too. It depends what you want to know. I don't even know. Okay, so, I mean, what did you see? What did you, what clips did you see? A lot of rowing, a lot of crying.

3:42Adam looking like he'd lost rather than won. David Hay just thrown himself in there for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

3:53And, you know, the week before I said, listen, if they're still fucking arguing about it, they need to grow up. I stand by that. I don't know anything about it because I didn't watch the show. So I don't know actually what happened. Lots of people talking about editing. That does happen, unfortunately. you know shows do edit people in certain nights and other people in other lights I don't know the score I don't know what happened you do but to be honest with you you were quite people were pretty bang on just there all of that happened so so obviously you know me and Cammy were doing the side show me and Cammy were doing the unpacked show which is was coming on straight after the main live show which is Anne and Depp that's like the proper show that's like the the result and they were always going to talk about the sort of elephant in the room which was like jimmy adam david everyone having like a massive barney it was filmed eight months ago so you're kind of thinking the actual the actual show was filmed eight months ago so you're kind of thinking to yourself right i mean look it's been a long time since they filmed it obviously it's come out you know it's like things come out and it becomes like as if it happened like now and um and as we were saying before the whole live show happened like Jimmy wasn't happy.

5:06David wasn't happy. Why wasn't David happy? Sorry, I'm slightly confused. David wasn't part of it and wasn't even there, apparently. So why wasn't he happy? David wasn't happy because he thought that he was... I think David's just on a wind-up, if I'm honest with you, about everything. I don't think he really cares. I think he just quite likes the fucking wind-up. Because I've seen him on This Morning, This, That and The Other, and he's doubling down on some of these comments. I think the geezer's just literally in the background going, fucking hell. Mate, he couldn't give a shit. I'm almost convinced.

5:37I'm almost convinced. I don't think he's losing sleep, is he? Which is why when he stuck his sort of like two cents in, and Depp actually said to him exactly what he said. They went, you weren't even there, mate. You've been voting out by this point. Like you didn't need to like shout in all that. And I think David on the live show made it really hard because he was just throwing things in. Like, you know, chaos bombs. And you're throwing chaos bombs in. Social hand grenade. Yeah, it's such a social hand grenade. And you're like, oh my God. Like, to be fair, Ann and Dec, obviously, they're the best.

6:04So they handled it really, really well. Then it comes to Jimmy Bullard's bit. And he's, again, like, he's not a TV guy. He wanted to get, like, exactly what he thought out. But people who disagreed with him, and rightly so, people were disagreeing with him as well, he would then argue their disagreements. So Ann would be like, let's agree to disagree. And he'd be like, no, let's not. And then he started looking at everyone. He was on the bleachers, right? and he was looking down and being like you agree with me what do you think over there and pointing at the other cast members so he goes Harry what do you think Harry's 80 years old Harry's sat there and he's going another one Harry's probably sitting there I don't care are you going to give a fuck Harry was literally sitting there shaking his head I don't know Jimmy he was like I don't know so it descends into a bit of chaos Jimmy then starts talking about contracts live on TV and producers and he like names some of the producers which I think is a bit unfair because like they're not they're not in the TV world right so yeah but they make it they make it but he literally name drops them right and then he starts talking about contracts so you know it's just like oh god like this is it's just a lot of like things discussed which like make it quite hard i think to host a show like that so it's bubbled on it's bubbled on jimmy's like blown up adam hasn't said a word really at this point he just looked really down and then jemma and sunita have walked off off stage um this is literally five minutes before me and Kemi were meant to be going on stage and interviewing all of them.

7:33And so they're all just drip feed of people just leaving the stage and they're coming past where me and Kemi are. And I was like, great. That was our second interview. Our third interview, lovely. And I can see the autocue is changing. Our autocue is changing as they're walking off. And me and Kemi just looked at each other and we're like, this is like the first time we've ever done. Like we've obviously hosted things before, but like never a live TV show in front of a live audience in the studio. And so like, we just like, fuck, we don't know what to do. So we were like, let's just, let's just try and wing it.

8:04So Gemma and Sunita have gone. I then am meant to come on. I actually hand Adam the scepter as like king of the jungle, right? So I go and hand him the scepter. So I like shuffle on, give him the scepter. I have seen a clip of it going, Sam, quick. Yeah. Come on. Quick as you can. I got hurried on. I got hurried on. Come on. Come on. Give him the thing. Fuck off. Yeah. They literally went, they said to me, they went, crown on his head and I think the evening just really got to him um he looked like he was about to cry on the throne and so I just stood back and when their show finishes ours begins so ours is on ITV2 there's this on ITV2 so the moment theirs finishes ours starts so I hand the crown on walk back off stage to then walk back on stage and as soon as Anne and Deb gone thank you so much for joining us.

8:52In my ear, it's three, two, one, and walk. So we're walking in. Adam Thomas, who was our first interview, we were meant to walk on stage, go to the throne and be like, Adam, how do you feel about winning, mate? I don't know. He's walking towards me with his crown and goes, I'm going home as we're walking on. And then they go, and you're live. And I went, hello and welcome to Uncelebrity Unpacked, walking towards an empty throne and nowhere to go and no one to interview and on the fly, I'm literally like, I don't know what I'm going to do here. So I was like, I'm going to crack a gag or something.

9:27So I'm doing the autocue whilst walking and in my ear, they've gone, Adam's gone, Adam's gone, play for time, play for time. And I'm like, okay, shit. And so I do a Yui with Kemi and we go and see Anna Deck and they're just fucking brilliant. So they knew what was going on. They were literally like, okay, we'll talk to you. The problem with that is then the rest of the cast fucked off the stage. There were three people left on the bleachers. Tell me who was left. Mo Farah, obviously. Mo, who the fuck was it? Two other good ones then. Craig Charles and somebody else. I can't remember who the third was.

10:02We're sat on the bleachers and me and Kevin just sat down. And this is completely, we weren't even meant to be here. We're meant to be over there. But we were just like, we'll just sit on the bleachers and interview you. And as we were talking to them, people started coming back and back and back onto stage. Harry was already getting changed in his dressing room to go home. And the producer said to me like, Harry, I'm really sorry. Would you, I would really appreciate if you went back on stage. And he went, yeah, right then. Cause he's such a good guy. He was like, yeah, absolutely fine. Gemma came back.

10:28Scarlett came back. So actually we had a good, a good team in the end, but it was, it was, it was chaos. It was chaos. I mean, fucking fair play, Chuff, for the first fucking live show. I mean, thankfully, I think you didn't have the row on your show. Thank God Anton Deck had that one. Because imagine how fucking tough that would be. We were laughing about it last week. I know. But it actually would have happened. Mate, do you know what's funny? When we were doing the pre-rehearsal, the dress rehearsal, all of those questions were our questions. So it would have been on our show. And like, and actually, Anne and Dec, thank God, like, you know, if anyone's going to handle like a chaos bomb, it'd be them, right?

11:09So they actually, they took all of it. And we had - Jeremy Carl would have been good. I mean, yeah, it was, it kind of was like that. But mate, I've got to say, it was like, Even though it was not the show that we expected to be at all, it's really fun. I mean, it's kind of what people want to watch, isn't it? Despite what people say, because everyone has an opinion on it. But no one really knows unless you were kind of out there. Do you know what I mean? Adam Thomas, we both know, is a really lovely guy, really nice enough. It's fucking sad seeing him in that way. And listen, I got fucking stick for it last week.

11:42I know Jimmy. He is a nice guy. Good people do bad things sometimes. Bad delivery. You know what I mean? I think that's the problem is anytime you have any things like this, what people do is people just watch and you see a snippet of what a whole fucking story is. And then I just make a judgment. I've been the villain a million times and half the time it is down to all sorts of different things. Who knows? Yeah. I don't fucking know. And to be honest with you, I don't fucking care. It was, mate, crazy. It was crazy. It was good though, mate. Fucking loved it. Yeah. So aside from all that drama, man how was hosting your first live show then did you enjoy it so cool man like just getting to like do how would young sam feel so fucking great man like i've wanted to do it for like as as long as i knew that that was a possibility i wanted to do it and like such a bucket list moment being able to like walk on stage be reading autocue like and it was just like shiny floor it was so cool man and i loved it and and kemi was amazing he just had such a fucking good time it was definitely not what it was meant to be but yeah really cool so hopefully it gets to do a few more of those things i got loads of people messaging being like fuck what i wouldn't have given to have a ump whilst that was happening i had like just seen how we as a as a staying relevant would have handled that at the time it's um it's sad though isn't it that like they're the things because that probably draw drew more eyes to that show because of all the all the drama but it just goes to show what we're like as a fucking audience.

13:10We love a fucking bit of drama. Oh, mate, people are going, it's the best TV they've seen in ages. And I can understand why. I was watching it from the sidelines, tear up shitting myself because I was like, my entire show is now descending to chaos. But like, as a viewer, I was like, this is phenomenal. It's really difficult though because obviously we're in it like, and those things are, whenever it's all played out, now so many people have got opinions on Adam and Jimmy and whatever else. They then have to fucking read all of that because as an audience, people don't know any of the fucking situation.

13:40You know what I mean? So no one really knows what's happened other than the people there. But they obviously both feel quite strongly about it. So both feel aggrieved in whatever way. But everyone throwing their two pence in is fucking horrendous. Like I remember them fucking day. Anything you do, everyone has got something to say about it. Everyone's, oh, he's a fucking arsehole. Like he's an arsehole. You don't know them. Like good people do make mistakes. At the time, it feels like that is the world, right? You're sat there. you're on live tv everyone's got an opinion and you want to get your words out and you want to get you want to get what you what you feel out if you take it a little bit too far the delivery is bad it doesn't matter at the time just so worked up you're like no i need to do four five six seven days later you look back and i've been there before you look back and go oh i just feel like an idiot like oh yeah as as the as the as people move on the memory is always you acted like a it on that show like and that's the one thing where like you probably look a little bit at jimmy and dave and you're like yeah yeah did you need to did you need to deliver it no i absolutely didn't need to do any of that like none of that needed to happen for something that was shot eight months eight months ago by three grown like none of it needed to go it's supposed to be an entertainment show well it did entertain i gotta say yeah but it's entertainment for like it's supposed to be light entertainment.

15:01It's not, you know, I don't believe it was X on the Beach All-Stars. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? The drama and all the rest of it. I mean, fucking listen, great for audiences because people want to see that stuff, which is how fucking mental we are. We want to see car crashes. Yeah. It's like this rubbernecking, isn't it? That's exactly what it is. When Tank Bad happens, everyone's like, oh. But you dealt with it well, man. Well done. Mate, I loved it. It was a great, great evening, even if it was chaotic nonetheless. But yeah, we'd love to do a little bit more of that for sure. Well, you might be doing more because you're going viral on TikTok, apparently.

15:34Hey, boys, some big news for you. Hayley Bieber has reposted Sam's TikTok. I hope Pete is excited. I'm buzzing. That must have come through today. Just after Bieber, Chela as well. I hope he keeps his feet on the ground after his newfound level of fame, hosting live TV shows, Friends with Hayley Bieber. What has she reposted? What is this about? That must have been today because literally this was two days ago. I did just a TikTok, just like a TikTok with loads of Rhodes sticker things on my forehead. And I was like... And she's reposted it. And she's reposted it. Yeah, I found out literally yesterday.

16:05So does that mean your TikTok's gone mad? Yeah, it actually has a little bit. Clock it. Pete Gullard. Clock it. Clock it. And say clock it. Clocking. Clocking. Clocking. Clocking. Clocking. That's what she does. Yeah, Hayley Beebs, man. Me and the Beebs. So what does this mean for you? Well, I don't know. Do I try and get rid of video? Who knows? Like, I don't know. Like, do I fly to LA? Like, what do we do with this sort of new thing? I mean, what would you like to do with it? Well, just, you know, you'd probably get in touch and be like, you know, should we collab or something? I feel like it's probably the next steps.

16:41I mean, why don't you send the message now? I don't want to look like I'm sliding into a diet. Well, just saying, hey, Justin. No, what's her name? Hayley. Hey, Hayley. Say hi to Justin and Jimmy, whatever the kid's called. And listen, just thinking of some good TikTok routines for us. How do you feel about dressing as an inflatable cow? No, because that's your role. I've retired. So you can... We put him to pasture. I've retired. The cow is dead.

17:12So maybe Hayley Beebe could take that up. Hayley Beebe. Do you know what I kept on getting so... What's your dream TikTok with the Beebe's... Well, I don't know. I'd have to think about it. But it did go wild. I did get loads of messages. She'd be like, you wouldn't believe it. People think like... Followers shot up? Is this your big TikTok moment? No, because TikTok's never really been, for me, TikTok's never been like a thing that... I don't get any work from it or anything like that. So like, to me, it's just fun. I just post things on there. So has your followers gone up? I don't think so.

17:38I don't think so. What, after fucking... I know, I know. How many followers has she got? 14 million. 18.5 million. 80? 18. Oh, that's not that many. 0.5 mil. 80.5. How many have you got? 1.7. Oh, you're not that far off her anyway. She should be grateful. She should be grateful. If anything. She bloody well should be. Your video's got 3.5 million now. Has it? Is that good for TikTok? Eh, it's not bad. I'll tell you that. I'll tell you that. I was kind of expecting it to, like, I was thinking we were going to be like 100 million fucking big, big time. Ask her to post it on Instagram. She must have a few on there.

18:14Why didn't you message her? Listen, thanks so much for that on TikTok. Could you, uh... She might have started out of the ground. Just for the optics, could you whack it across the rest of me platforms? I'm thinking about setting up a, what's it called? A Twitch. Could you jump on that with me? We could do some streaming. Hayley Babes. What would I say? Should we try and get her on the pod? Yeah. Yeah, well, listen, we've learnt this week. She'll probably reply and you won't. I do get loads of messages about that, though, to be fair. And then do you know what I've realised? there's oh this is a wild thing that happens now on social media is if anything does well you get brands now commenting underneath trying to sound funny well yeah i i know that because i noticed the other day on sam melvin that durex fucking condoms had commented on something for us hey it's so weird like you get you get like i can't think of one now but we like spec savers will literally just be like, didn't see that coming.

19:14They're like, oh, come on. Oh, I like it. But they do that all the time. I have loads of brands who are commenting because they think it's gone viral. So they're like, oh, better jump on the back of that trend. And to me, that's just a bit icky because I'm like, oh, guys, everyone's trying to jump on the back of like... That's a bit icky. Yeah. Isn't that kind of what you do? No, it's in they comment underneath trying to sound funny. Oh, right. But jumping on trends is what social media is though, isn't it? No, but what they do is like, but they're like a brand. I quite like brands. who's the supermarkets though that always had that fucking row?

19:44Was it like Aldi and Lidl? Yeah, about the Caterpillar. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they were having that fucking... Yeah, because who's the original Colin? Spec Savers do it all the time. They go... What's the fucking one that you... Twitter. They used to go mad for it on Twitter, didn't they? We had YouTube going, giving art projects. Tic Tac have gone, the girls that get it, get it. Garnier have gone, y 'all clearly haven't tried our invisible pimple patches. Is this on yours? Yeah. Vita Coco. I wish I had that. Fabletics. What about it? Sephora. I love Sephora. Well, they fucking listen. You might be able to get yourself some Le Maire for free, mate.

20:24Listen, I would rather a brand comment because I'd go, if you love it that much, send me something, than fucking Donna, who'd go, oh, it'd be really funny. What can you do for me, Donna? Fuck all. Garnier have sent me a load of cream, darling. All right? So send me a cake or something than a fucking post. God damn. You know what I mean? Come and give me a lift somewhere. Do something useful. Yeah, crazy. So I'm here for the fucking... Brands, if you want to... Nothing I ever do goes viral, I don't fucking post. But if I did, Brands, get in there. Jump in there. Jump in there. And for the luxury of commenting on the post, send me some shit.

20:56All right? Donna, fuck off. Stop commenting. I don't care what you've got to say. You're doing fuck all for me. It's a business out here. We do love Donna, though. It's not things you do go viral, but it's things you're in. Yeah. Like you don't post like the Joe Marla clip. I posted a TikTok of you that got like 5 million views. At Christmas, Pete walking in at Christmas. What earth are you posting TikToks of me that I don't know about? You fucking creep. What do you mean? It went viral. Classic people. You didn't even know. Doing what? When you walked into that Christmas bar. That was a shithole that was.

21:29Fuck me. People are obsessed with you. Everyone was like, who is Pete and where can I get one? It went really big in the US, weirdly. Where can you get one? Yeah. Can you find a Pete? Everyone was like, wow, that man's got style. It went big in the US. What do you mean it went big in the US? It was more like your style and British charm. British charm? I haven't got any fucking British charm. British charm? I've just told Donna to fuck off unless she gives me a lift. Everyone thought you were John Wick. That's more believable. Yeah, yeah. I don't even know who it is. He's a killer. You can see the evil in his eyes.

22:04No, John Wick's not evil. No, he's not. No, he's a good guy. He's got a lot of guns. Yeah. A lot of guns. Yeah. Big fan of his dog. Lovely car. Well, thank you very much, Lily. We've gone viral. Hayley Bieber's a fan. That's all that matters, really. So, Sam and Pete. Stephen. Me and my friends were asking our group chat this question, and I realised I need to hear you two discuss this. If you have a door in your house that takes you to anywhere in the world, where would it take you? I look forward to hearing your logic from Stephen. Oh. Anywhere in the world. Ethiopia. Ethiopia for me. And I'll tell you for why.

22:48Please. We're going to make no comments until you. I fear this could go bad. Ethiopia. Because apparently that's where they've stashed the Ark of the Covenant.

23:06so Ethiopia to the church they stashed the Ark of the Covenant do you understand the question yeah but that's where I'd like to go because I bet it would take me to the exact place they said to would stash the Ark of the Covenant and then what would you do there well apparently if you touch it or you look at it you go blind so I wouldn't want to look at it but I'd want to like just quite cool okay no no no so sorry so this is true You have a magic door that takes you anywhere and you'd want to go to a place where you can't look at anything. Yeah. But I know it's there. The Ark of the Covenant.

23:44You know it's there from sitting here. You put the Ark of the Covenant. I don't even know what that is. Oh, mate, it's like this thing. Neither do you, by the sounds of it. What a waste. You could go anywhere in the world. You'd got to go see something that you don't really know what it is and you can't look at. So basically, you might as well just open a cupboard, stand in the cupboard with your eyes closed and go, I'm at the Ark of the Covenant. How do you know? I can feel it. Just so cool. A gold-plated wooden chest. Yeah. Apparently, how do we know? No one's ever seen it. You go blind. And what's inside?

24:21The Ten Commandments. There we go. Moses. Bang. What are the Ten Commandments? Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Thou shall not have pestilence. No. Shall not steal. Steal. Thou shall not steal.

24:40Love thy neighbour. Is that one? No. Thou shall not commit adultery. I think we've had that one. Is that bad they do it twice? Again. I don't know. That's enough. But I would just do it. Three out of ten is not bad to be fair. Quite nice. Quite nice to go and just see something that, you know, you'd never seen before. All right, fair play. Yeah, that's where I'd go. Ethiopia. Okay, all right. Nice. I like it. Where are you going? Where would I go?

25:13Bora Bora. Bora Bora, very nice. Yeah, because I could just, when I've had enough, like, you know, I like to kind of sit in silence and just have a bit of me time. It would be nice to be able to walk into doing that in a nice sunny place on a beach. I could take a pint of Guinness through the door with me just sit myself on a beach instead of staring at a wall chill out for a bit and then pop back oh do you go quite a lot or is this just a one off thing well it hasn't specified but I mean you're I don't know if I want to hit up Ethiopia all the time I feel like I feel like just I just wanted to see the Ark of the Covenant because this is all make believe as well I mean if you're thinking about what we haven't discussed is that potentially if this could take you anywhere in the world is that presently or is this could I go back could I go forward could I you know what I mean like we can add that in there Roman times for me if I could go back as what would you go back as would you you know cause dangerous times back then lawless yeah great cowboy times oh I would love that but no and you'd go back as a cowboy yeah 100 % yeah or no but I would say I'd stick with Roman if I go back to Roman times and then open up and land in Rome that'd be so cool yeah I'd be a chariot racer or a gladiator you it doesn't are we adding in that it gives you skills now as well no you just I imagine that's sort of what my vocation would be if I spent time there.

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28:23If you were in ancient Rome, you think your vocation would be as a gladiator? Oh, 100%. Yeah. Apparently your sweat is an aphrodisiac for people. Why do you think your vocation would be a gladiator? You are the least gladiator. Neither am I, by the way. But gladiators, what on earth makes you think that your vocation would have been a gladiator? I would have been setting fucking rotten fruit on a market store. Like, there is not a part of me that thinks I'd have gone back and been Maximus fucking Decimus Meridius. What on earth makes you think your vocation in ancient Rome would have been gladiator?

29:04Well, I don't know. I just feel like I would, for we who are... I would understand if, if, like, Conor McGregor said that. Yeah. And went, yeah, I'd have been a gladiator. And you go, well, it kind of links, you know, you're a fighter now. You're a podcast. stuff. Yeah, but I just feel like I'd be alright at it. Give me a trident. You'd be alright at fighting to the death based on agility. Agility. Which you don't show in your current life. I'm agile. I can do things. Fighting to the death would be your vocation. Yeah, I forgot. Okay, death's quite intense. I mean... They didn't fight and then shake hands afterwards.

29:44Sorry I've just stabbed you in the heart but what a day good match yeah it's quite savage actually like you're a podcaster like if we were to go back we would be a performer like court jesters or something we certainly wouldn't be going back and be well tell you what we are fighters how do you know that well if you base it on what we do now we'd be shuffling around in togas i mean fashion back then pretty good yeah Pretty good in terms of the fact you just wear sort of a sheet. Yeah. Everyone's the same. You haven't really got to worry about it. You know what I mean? Do you know what's crazy as well?

30:19I'd like a little belt just to cinch me in. In ancient Rome, you used to have shits next to each other so people just sit in a line and shit. Yeah, I wouldn't have been a fan of that. How crazy is that? Yeah, I think you'd do that now if you could. Yeah. I wouldn't be, no, I wouldn't be up there. We could bathe as well. Oh, ancient Rome. For me, ancient Rome, the time capsule, I would absolutely go there. Oh, with going back to time, I just, oh, fuck me. Dinosaurs be good. No, not really. Really? No. Why? Because it's dangerous. Like what? Imagine riding a T-Rex. No one did that then. Why would you be the one to wrangle a T-Rex and ride it?

31:02No one did that back then. Mate, you watch. Mate, if I went through the time portal first and then you gave me a month and you came through the time portal, thought I would greet you on my T-Rex. Based on all your experience with animals, two cats. Yeah, absolutely. And I would greet you and go, Peter. And then I'd be riding my guy and I'd be like, bring it in. I've got one for you. I love your world. Shall we do question time? The Jurassic period. Oh yeah. I forgot about question time. Lovely. Question time. Right. Okay. Pete, if you're a woman, what would your fashion sense be? Oh, I know. Oh, I'd love to go, but no, you go I shan't do that to you I don't know I don't know exactly why go on oh okay I don't really understand the question well if you're a woman what are you dressing as well a woman but I mean like when you say what fashion sense what would I be like what outfit would you wear on a night out I'll see OOTD it depends are you going bodycon dress heels that was going to be don't steal mine and wasn't no that's not actually mine mine's a mini skirt mine's a fluffy mini skirt a white frilly mini skin not fluffy a white frilly mini skirt for me just above the knee um some cowboy boots and white pippa you should be so lucky as to have that style some some cowboy boots right and a white crop no a black crop a white frilly a white frilly So you're going, hold on.

32:35And cowboy boots. So you're, or just some biker boots. So you're going biker boots from the knee down and from the knee up you're dressed in white. No, not knee down, ankle, ankle biker boots. An ankle biker boot. Yeah. Right. Fuck me. Like a boot that comes up, like black boot that comes up to here. Christ, I should be so lucky. I should be so lucky. An above knee length mini. It's an idea for the weekend, isn't it? Yeah, there we go. A polka dot blue and white mini skirt just above the knee, some white socks and a black crop top. Like a boob tube. Just above the knee is such a weird length. No, no, no.

33:15It's like more than above. Sort of probably about here. Probably about to thigh, mid-thigh area. Yeah, about there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me. So like a midi-length skirt. A midi-length little skirt. And then it'd be... Why are you fucking laughing at that? What are you laughing at? Because you keep describing completely different length skirts and just saying random words. No, I thought midi, mate. Midi is like middle of the shin. But you were both like, yeah, yeah, midi. No, as in like this part. Like a thigh high skirt. A thigh high skirt. Is that right? Yeah, a thigh high skirt. It's the opposite.

33:49A thigh high skirt. Yeah, I want it up here. A thigh high skirt. Skirt. I want it there. A mini skirt, I think, is what it's called. Well, I think in answer to that question, we'd look like shit. No, I wouldn't. I know I wouldn't. Hair in a ponytail. Right. What? What? Like high pony, low pony? I'd have a high pony. I'd have a high pony. Okay. What? Slip back high pony. Hair scraped back. The old Croydon facelift. Is that what it's called? A Croydon facelift. Croydon facelift. I'd have a hair scraped back, a high pony, a nice little black crop top or white crop top and a blue with white spots on it mini skirt, some white socks and some low-cut biker boots.

34:37Well, let me tell you now, what we do know about Sam if he was a woman is that he would be single. No, I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't. I'd have them all after me. I would. You wouldn't? I would. And a nose ring. I'd have a nose ring. Yeah. I mean, look, what you're describing to me, like I'm still a man if I saw that, I mean, I'd avert my eyes as soon as possible. Oh, you wouldn't be Elsie? I would. Like, I really would. Interesting. Okay. I don't know. That's a hard question because it depends on what I look like as well because fashion and style is different, isn't it? That's a very good point. I think I would...

35:16I don't know. It depends. Am I rich? Well off. I think... Am I attractive? Yes. Then I'd go basic. Mini skirt. No, I'd go nice jeans, plain top, good shoes, good jacket, minimal makeup. Yeah, minimal makeup. Just low effort, accessorized. Yeah, maybe a pair of boots. It depends. No, I'd probably go for a high heel with a nice fitted pair of jeans, plain white vest top, accessorized, lovely bag, lovely watch, lovely. Yeah, like that. Accessorized, sort of low maintenance, quite cool, you know. We should AI what we've just said. Yours, mate. Mine's phenomenal. Don't worry about mine. By the way, I'd like on mine a little leather jacket, by the way, to go on top.

36:03Thank you very much. Yeah. All right. Okay. Interesting. A baggy leather jacket on top. On top of your fluffy thigh length. It's not fluffy. It's not fluffy. Polka dot. It's not fluffy. Midi length thigh skirt. Hey, you can't see the vision. With your high pony. It's not my problem. You can't see it. I'd say what you'd have. You'd have a big hoop, bigger the hoop, bigger the hoe. You'd have the fucking hoops in. Mate, you can't see the vision. That's not my problem, okay? What are you doing with your make-up? Minimal. Minimal make-up. And by the way, this isn't... No, by the sense of the outfit, you should do maximum.

36:33Alfred speaks for itself. No, Alfred does speak for itself. He'd be full glam. No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't be full glam. Birthday make-up, birthday. No, I want to go natural. He'd have a smoky eye, a red lip. Smoky eye, red lip. He'd have the old fucking cat's eyes at the side. What do you call it? the old cap liner, eye wings, wing die, what was it called? A wing die. Wing die. He'd have a wing die. He'd contour the fuck out of his fucking nose because that's fucking... No, I wouldn't because I'm... Listen, you've got a Roman nose. It's Roman all over your face. No, no, no, no. You'd have one of them.

37:02I'm from where I am. So, like, that'd be more you. That'd be more you. No, I have never been out in Chelsea and seen anyone in a fucking ankle biker boot, an oversized leather jacket, a polka dot fucking blue skirt and a high pony. I have a vision. I have a vision. You sound like you're from Middlesbrough. Not Chelsea. Middlesbrough is such a good example. Chelsea, you'd be in like a linen fucking shirt with a Ralph Lauren crew neck on your fucking thing, a little baseball cap. You'd be drinking a fucking matcha. Do you know what? You would be caked in makeup, hair extensions all over the gaff.

37:35Love Island said no. You've got fucking, you've got lit filler up to the fucking eyeballs. Yeah. Yeah, and I love it. Well done. Nice. Do you have a bedside table? What's on it? Fuck all. That's such a good question. That's such a good counter question to what we've just answered. A bedside table. Yeah, I do actually. I've got a lamp on it and I've got one. I've got a phone charger, a bottle of water and my gaviscon is what's on my bedside table. Lamp. Yeah. Lamp and the essentials. Lamp and the essentials on my bedside table. No essentials. And my Bible's in the first drawer. Of course it is.

38:18aside from the obvious, what would you change about yourself? Now, first of all, before we get on to what would you change about yourself, what's the obvious? Aside from your shit chat and your... Let's start with that. And your butters nose, what else would you change? What's the obvious? Well, it's just what was written in the question box. What would the... Yeah, so what's the obvious? No, I've got a question for Pippa. It's not up to me to say. Pippa, if you had to pick one obvious from me and Pete... Yeah, that we should change, what would it be? It's not up to me to say. No, shut up. But we just asked you the question.

38:46Listen, it's question time, darling. And in question time, you answer the fucking question. What would you say are obvious to be? We're asking you. So aside from the obvious, you pick our obvious. And it has to be physical. It has to be physical. I'm not. I'm obviously not doing that. It has to be physical. Listen, that's question time, darling. Do you think I want to answer? If I was a woman, what would my fucking fashion sense be? No, but it's question time, so I fucking have to. All right? So you have to answer this. Apart from the obvious. Yeah. So the obvious for Sam is what? The obvious for Sam.

39:19It's got to be physical. Oh, you're just going to call me a bully. Okay, the obvious for Sam is maybe... We all know what you're going to say. No, don't say the hair. Hair's boring. We all know that. Give me something that isn't the hair. Okay, so give Sam, aside from the non-obvious, what would you change about him?

39:41I would remove... I don't know what's coming. I would reverse any Botox or filler you've had. But that was like years ago. There's nothing in there. I'd reverse it. You say you think you've still got a lump under your eye. I do. That's a very good point. I've got one there. All right. What's my obvious then? Don't cop out. I mean, the obvious would be lazy eye, I presume. I don't really notice it so much anymore. Thank you. I've got new glasses. Neither do I. Apart from, why are you staring at me? Apart from the obvious.

40:21The panic that's going through. I know. The funny thing is, she knows what she wants to say. Whatever that is, whatever that is. Apart from the obvious, your loose veneer. Yes, nice. It makes your loose veneer. You're such a person. And then now, for me, give me the non-obvious. Because obviously we're not doing this question. Now we're just explaining horrible things about each other. I would grow your fingernails out a bit. Grow my fingernails See that's such a good one See that's a good one That's such That's what I was looking for I would grow your fingernails longer Yeah Because they So yeah Why would you do that?

40:57Also That's so terrible Because men have Men have such short nails That is When you hold your eye back So specific Pete do you know what the funny thing is? She's obviously She's noticed She's noticed That's what we wanted And she has looked At the specifics of your nails That's what I wanted for me So aside from the obvious For me I've got horrible fucking hands what would you so Sam what would you change about yourself aside from the obvious aside from the obvious my shit hair my shit face yeah and all the work you've had done aside from those obvious things I would I really like the nail kind of vibe like what would I change about myself I would I would you know I would I've got my my big toe the second toe along is bigger than my big toe That is such a fucking, that's a cop out as well.

41:47That's just as bad as her. All right, okay, fine, fine. Okay, let me think of another one. Well, easy for me. Aside from the obvious, what would I change about myself? I would add two inches to my height. Oh, yeah. I'd like to be six foot, basically bang on six foot. If that was the obvious thing, six foot I'd like to be. Okay. I don't care about my toes. No one sees them. Okay, I was trying to be a bit avant-garde. All right, fine. I mean, obviously I'd add a little bit of height on there. I'd probably put a reduction in penis length. So you'd like a vagina?

42:22I'd like a vagina.

42:28Do you know what? I've got a good one. I would stop the wink when I smile. Oh, yeah. All right. Yeah. Okay. I'd stop the wink when I smile. That's quite good. I like that one. Yeah. Yeah. That's a good question. Do you know what? Listen, we're really going in now. I'd like tighter skin. Right, and let me tell you why. All right? I have exceptionally stretchy skin. Elasticated. No, I've seen him do that before. Show me, show me. Wow. Oh, yeah. No, I can see it in the camera. I hate it. All right, don't tell you. Look at that.

43:09It's just... What about your cheat? No it's not as much There's not much fat there That's so interesting Elasticy Elasticy Yeah look Yeah fair That's a good one It doesn't help with my fucking ageing Because it's just all just pulling south That's a good one I like that Yeah Okay cool you do that Do you know what I mean Obviously the obvious thing is We both like to be a bit taller A bit taller I don't want to be like 6 foot 3 Like weirdly tall 6 '1 No I'm just Just hit the 6 foot I'm happy with that Because no one notices No you're not tall then but you're not sure. Does your high actually bother you both?

43:44Can I answer that? And I genuinely mean this and I think I can speak for you as well. I know it's going to sound like doff protest too much. It's never bothered me once. No, or me. Ever. And I know how that sounds but maybe Pete won't agree with this one. There is something about being a little bit smaller and being a bit cheeky that I've always quite liked. Just in life. I feel like you get away with more. I feel like you get away with more when you're a little bit smaller. Smaller. I bet that is one of the worst things I've ever done. I like it. But just in life, I feel like you get away with more.

44:31Like I used to never get in trouble at school because I was like the little one. Cheeky one. Yeah. I just feel like I always used to get away with things. and I was always just like the sort of like little smiler. It's one that, that. What's wrong with that? There's something I like about being a little bit smaller and the kind of the cheeky one. Yeah. Just a little, just small with personality. I like that. Cheeky. I don't mind it. Yeah, it's never really above admit. Because, I mean, I'm like five, the portrayal of my height aggravates me because everyone just thinks I'm two foot tall. I've never had that, yeah.

45:13Because it's been like a running. Yeah, everyone always goes, oh, I can't believe he's taller than Sam. It's because for so many years, people, it's like, you know when like a rumour starts and then it just goes and now people, they go, fucking hell. Literally on anything, we go, yeah, but he's only two foot tall on any comment anywhere. And I think, well, I'm not that short. So that annoys me, but I don't actually care about my height. I think because I've been a Thompson my entire life, I think people have seen Louise. They've always known. I've actually had, he's taller in real life. Yeah. Which is mad because I'm obviously not that tall.

45:47But because my sister is literally 5 '1", I think people expect me to be a little bit smaller. The old mini. Well, yeah, but it's not bad being small, especially when you're so cheeky. You can tell me if it's all you like, but I know what I meant there. And I stand by it. On that note, shall we fucking go? Pippa do you not like being as lanky as you are how do you feel about being so tall four foot of that's head thanks for listening to Staying Relevant how do you feel about being so tall Pippa I love it thanks for listening to Staying Relevant oh thank you we've loved I've really enjoyed this episode I think it's been really really fun please do share it with your friends across the Atlantic yeah or just show whoever you sat next to on the tube yeah or the tube but like we're trying to break America now I think so like you know if you wouldn't mind just sending packaging this bad boy up and just shucking it across the pond to your friends in the States being like do you know what I think you'd really like this I really think you'd like this podcast in general I mean of all the vets I'd pick a better one no this one's been good it's about 200 to pick we've had some good eps we've had some goodies this isn't one to write home about it's above average and if you want to send it to your friends we would really appreciate that because we want to do a tour soon in America and Australia never been discussed but would love to do one see you soon aussies you ready for a little cheeky guy and a guy with stretchy skin sound like a freak show this has been a staying relevant production

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50:00And, and possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me. That one genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.