Sam tries S*xting...

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1:00This January, Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship takes over the ocean. The inaugural Brews Cruise sails from Miami to the Bahamas aboard the Norwegian Jewel. Three straight days with pool deck bare knuckle fights in the Caribbean. Massive parties, beach events, DJs, cigars, tequila tastings, and nonstop action. The lineup reveals coming soon. Cabins are disappearing fast, and the prices won't stay this low. Reserve your spot with just$200 down at BKFSEA.com. Welcome to a bonus episode of Staying Relevant with me, Sam Thompson, and Peter James Wicks.

1:46Ooh, Halloween. Yeah, it's September. Yeah, we're getting there though. Yeah, this is a bonus episode. there will be swearing if you don't like it go f*** yourself this is obviously Thursday which means you'll be able to watch this on a Sunday and then the main episode which came out on Monday you can now watch on Josh's YouTube channel as of 5pm yesterday which was Wednesday which means that you can catch us on a Monday Wednesday Thursday Sunday as this is the bonus episode we'd like it to be about you as much as we can because we're selfless we're good people yeah we're just you know we're just salt of the earth we're givers yep if you want.

2:25Email us at the worst email address in the world which is hello at srproductions.co.uk Make sure you rate, review, do all of that sort of stuff. Follow us on socials which is at Stand Room Podcast. Shall we crack the fuck on? Let's get our crack on. First email. Got an email from Kyla. Hi guys. The O2 was great and all and all but it has left me okay, the O2 was great and all but it is sorry, your grammar's quite bad. The O2 was great and all, but it's left me feeling slightly traumatised. You're not the only one. My nan is an 82-year-old lady and has always thought Pete was attractive, but last night she took it to the next level.

3:05After seeing Pete's dance with Yvita on TikTok, my cousin showed it to my nan. Her response, why can't he be that aggressive with me? I would love to be kissed like that by Mr. Peter Wicks. I know you speak about MILFs, but maybe this is one step further. No, age is nothing but a number. The problem with being aggressive with your 82-year-old nan is I may break her and snap her like a wishbone. But... Boy, how does she want to go? Yeah, do you know what I mean? She'll die happy. The funny thing is, if you were to ask that specific nan, how would you like to perish? And it'd be like... It'd probably be...

3:41It would probably be like being fucked by Pete Wicks. Yeah, I mean, look, 82. Would you go there? I mean why not fucking hell okay well we gonna do a meet and greet there then 100 % listen it's nice to appeal to different age groups and what not I'm happy with it I'm pleased that she enjoyed it it was an aggressive kiss though I feel like it was quite like a by the way it was choreography that kiss I think we should put that out there right now but yeah it was part of the choreography but also look But, you know, a lot of people... Theatre? Was it aggressive? Well, you did grab her by the neck and sort of like...

4:26No, I mean, I grabbed her by the neck earlier in the dance. I like to swing around by the throat. But that was a completely different part of it. Imagine you doing that to Margaret, the 82-year-old, just swinging around by the neck. Yeah, I mean... This is what you wanted. Yeah. You said you wanted it. There goes your hip. But that's absolutely fine. It means you can spread them legs further. Oh, my God. Kyla. Kyla. Kyla. Kyla. Kyla. Kyla. God, well, do you know what? The nans are out in full force, aren't they? They're getting older, though, to be fair. I don't think I've heard of an 82-year-old who's wanted a bit of Pete Wicks.

5:03With enough, I have. An 82-year-old? I've heard older. I've had older turn up at places, if I'm honest with you. But just appealing to the ages. You know what I mean? What the problem is, you're going to give someone a heart attack. You are going to be the reason that someone, like, keels over. Well, you know. They're only human. You know, death by love. Death by love could be a lot worse, couldn't it? Exactly. How would you kind of, what's your kind of age limit on things, mate? Let's just stick with older. 24-0, right. Yep.

5:36Probably, oh, I don't know, maybe 60? Maybe 60. 60, yeah, I think 60's my cutoff, I think. Okay, excellent. So if anyone is below, anyone above 60, unfortunately, Sam won't have a go. but if you're below 60 you're in with a chance alright in with a shout that's a good game show actually in with a shout oh god what have we done I don't know we've won awards we've won awards right this next one it's a lengthy one no it's not it's not actually that lengthy no hey boys first off can I start by saying that Friday night was generally the best show I have ever seen with the state of the world at the minute and everyone dealing with their own shit I know every relevanter will want to thank you for bringing us all a moment of laughter and just allowing 15 ,000 people to have a really good fucking time.

6:22Anyway, ABC, I think she means back to normal proceedings. Would either of you ever accept a sugar mummy slash would you agree, what would you agree to do for money? Thank you for putting a smile on everyone's face. Louisa. How much you got, Louisa? Well. Let's talk figures. Would you have a sugar mummy? No. We're talking tens of millions. You know what I'm like? Yeah, not for me. Really? No. I'll buy you a new motorbike. Yeah, I'll buy me own if I want one. I'm not that. I'll buy you that island you wanted with dogs. All you've got to do is just whatever I want. I can't really say what it's about because it sounds really bad, but I had to raise some money for something once, and they basically pimped me out, and someone paid 40 ,000 pounds to kiss me on the cheek.

7:20You didn't even give him lips? After 40 grand, you stingy bastard. Yeah, yeah. So, listen, if it's... Yeah, I'll do anything for money, fuck it. He wicks his cheek is worth 40 grand. How fucking... And by the way, that's not even like me doing this. And I just want to point out, this is an incredibly rich person. It's for a fucking good cause. Yeah. 40 grand? Do you reckon your arse cheeks are worth? That's 40 grand. I don't know. I also don't know why you went straight with arse. I imagine my cock would be the most expensive part of it. Yeah, I would say would I. So, I mean, what would you sell your dick for?

7:53To be honest with you, I had thought about this. Like... That doesn't surprise me. I don't know, man. There's a price for everything, you know? Like, if you're going to give me 20 mil, I'd do a lot. 20 million? 20 mil. So you think a night with you is potentially worth 20 million? No, no, no, no, not a night with me. I'm saying like... So what would you sell a night with Sam Thompson? A night with Sam Thompson. You get Sam Thompson's best performance. What, in the sack? Yeah. Oh, bloody hell. I'd have to shag someone for money. Okay. I mean, yes. What do they look like? You don't know, mate. Like, this is what would you, you know, if you were putting this up a night with Sam Thompson, how much is it going to cost?

8:35How many people know about it? Okay. It's just sort of a joke, this. It's not happening. I'm now going to the real weeds of it. So how much would you put it up for? and what would they expect from that night? If it's 82-year-old granny that wanted you. No, what would they expect from that night and how much would you put it up for? It doesn't matter about the person at the minute. What can they expect and how much are you charging for that service? Well, surely I guess it's sex, right? Well, I mean, it's a night with Sam Thompson. You can make it whatever you want to be. I mean, what is it? Is it sort of a horror film and some gaming or are you potentially going to...

9:12well I wouldn't have the sex unless it was unless they were paying for that it would depend I'd ask them what they want I would be like what is it you're after what service can I provide and you know if it's anything sexual then I'd have to be like it's gonna cost you it's gonna cost you I don't know it depends what the physicality of it is so put a price on your fuck price on my fuck boy or girl

9:45there's a price for everything Pete go on then someone I was attracted to free 10 grand I'd pay them yeah yeah yeah just the fact that they're keen 10 grand 10 grand if it's someone I thought was quite hot okay alright so Louisa is asking so let's say it's Louisa yeah Louisa she wants to know whether or not you'd accept a sugar mummy a sugar mummy someone that sort of pays for your dinners and all that sort of stuff similar to a sugar daddy so would you give them the full boyfriend experience 100 % I love a bit of boyfriend experience so good morning messages texting throughout the day a little bit of sexting nice dinners bad at sexting see that's where you lose me I'm so shit at sexting I've tried before and I'm literally like how does that go well I've been like before do you want to send some naughty messages no so you sort of haven't just sort of rolled into it set it up as a new segment of the texting.

10:40Do you know what I got back? We're just going to take a break from normal seasons because now we're going to do some sexting, moving on. And then when you're done with that, presumably after you come, you go, we can get back to normal. So how's your day been? The reply I got to that was laughing, crying face emoji. Right. Yeah. I don't know because I didn't want to. I wanted to inform them that we were about to begin the sexting bit. Yeah, yeah. I mean, sometimes nothing sets the mood, like formally agreeing to a new segment within our texting regime. I can imagine that really got them going. Yeah.

11:18So what do you want to do today? Just so you know, I'm about to sext. Yeah. Prepare yourself for this. Feeling a bit hot. Okay. Feeling a bit sweaty under the collar. Under the collar? Yeah. Okay. And then... Would you like to come closer? Okay. But it's sexting. So they... Yeah, fine. I'd love to rub your back. Yeah. And stroke you. Right. And then I'd be like, so what do you want to do? You're currently stroking yourself. I'm panicking. Yeah. I'd be like, what do you want to do to me? So would you accept a sugar mummy? Yeah. No. Well, I mean, there's two options and you went with both. No, I wouldn't.

11:58I wouldn't accept a sugar mummy. You wouldn't. I want them to want me for me.

12:04Okay. All right. Fine. You want them to accept you for you. Would you accept Sugar Mummy? Oh, fuck yeah. Would you? Yeah. Yeah. That's a lot of pressure. No, not really. You get all the good bits and all the bad bits. Okay, but what if they wanted to do something to you that you didn't want to do? Well, then I say no. What if they wanted to peg you? So, then you say no. No, no, no, no. Yeah, fuck it. Get some nice, get treated nicely, go out for a little bit of fucking dinner and lunch. Slap up meal. You know what I mean? Like happy days. Yeah, fucking crack on, Louisa. All right, Luisa, I think we're in.

12:37We're in. And thank you for coming to the O2, by the way. It was fucking special for everyone involved.

12:44So the GBU boys obviously joined us on stage at the O2. They've caused, you know, quite a stir amongst the staying relevant team. We had 15 ,000 people singing the chant that you made up for them. But we have had an email because it's not just the GBU boys that are interested in our cash. So good. hello Sam and Pete I played for MGR Rovers against your precious Great Bar United last week in case you haven't heard we smashed them 6-0 let us know if you fancy putting your sponsorship money into a winning team oh no hashtag up the Mary Lewis oh fuck we picked the wrong team no we haven't have we fuck mate do you know what I love that we're causing a stir within the league oh fucking hell well they know that there is big money to play for yeah we have spent thousands um yeah So do you think we've made the wrong decision here?

13:37When I say we, do you think you guys have made the wrong decision here? No, I think we made the right fucking decision. I wasn't part of it. All I did was sign it off. I think they're a growing team. They're budding like a flower. I'll be honest with you. What we did was just accept and go with the first offer that came to us, which was do you want to sponsor us? We didn't look into the league. We didn't look into the leagues above. We didn't look into which team was any good and we didn't look into their previous performances. If we had have done, they wouldn't have got fuck all from me. but they have now and to be honest with you MGR Rovers are too late to the fucking party so unfortunately for you unless I go my own way oh my god no way you can't you wouldn't and have a competing team in the league

14:25you wouldn't who knows I'm staying with the GBU boys at the GVU. Yeah. Well. Fuck me. Let's see, shall we? I mean, that would be a turn of events, wouldn't it? That would be a fuck. Imagine me and Pete on each side of the sidelines being like, fuck you and all, you stupid prick. How do you think that would go if you shouted that at me? I'd be on the other side of the pitch, so you'd have to run across the pitch at me. They're doing green streets. As we see, I'm quick over short distances. Look, you know, it's, you know, who knows what the future may hold. We are currently sponsors of GBU. Currently, as if it could change.

15:09Well, at some point it can if they don't start fucking bucking their ideas up. You know, this isn't an unlimited thing. Business is business. 6-0 is pretty fucking bad. I mean, there's pretty fucking bad and then there's that. Yeah, it's pretty bad. And even two games, one point so far. So we're looking at results, guys. We're looking at results, GBU, because your position isn't necessarily safe. Well, it's not just us looking at results either, because this is coming from someone who I'm not sure is entirely excited to be watching their games. But hi, Sam. Hi, Pete. Jake here from Leicester. If I may, I'd like to start off with a little bit of honesty.

15:51I don't really know who either of you are. Which is amazing because you managed to find the email address in the podcast that we do. So thanks ever so much, Jake. Nice to meet you. I'd like to talk to you briefly about Great Bar United. For our first game of the new season... Again, incredible, because it's not that brief. It's a long one. For the first game of the new season, the missus insisted that we drag our three kids out of bed at 8am on a Sunday to drive all the way from Leicester and park in a rainy, miserable lay-by next to the park in which your newly-sponsored football team play. I didn't realise it was in a park.

16:25Given that she has zero interest in football, You can imagine my surprise upon hearing her initial sales pitch. If I'm honest, I was genuinely disappointed to see the boys in pink and black get absolutely spanked 6-0. However, the missus seemed somewhat distracted during the game. I get the feeling that she may have been waiting to accidentally bump into a certain ex-reality TV duo, as she was convinced that you'd both be present at the opening game of this all-important groundbreaking season. As you may already be aware, neither of you were there. Another reason for my email. Could you please announce in advance when you will be attending a game at Great Bar?

17:07I'm told that you have a podcast together, so I feel as if this would be quite easy for you to achieve. Otherwise, I am going to be forced into multiple Sunday morning pilgrimages to sunny Birmingham until we manage to find and accost you. I'm told that by the time you read this, I will already have attended a second game. I'm delighted to say the least. Also, despite the fact I only drive a one-litre Skoda, I would ask you both to consider the impact of the carbon footprint that we'll be contributing to. Thanks in advance, guys. Keep up the good work, whatever that is. Jake, up the GPU. I'm just going to point out this may be one of my favourite emails ever received.

17:51Jake, it's really nice to meet someone who can actually spell things correctly and write a good email. That's so good. Listen, Jake, I apologise in advance. I'm doing everything I possibly can not to attend any games. So I'd just like to let you know that. However, I have been forced into promising that I will be attending a game at some point. We will, of course, be letting everyone know. Up until that point, I suggest what you do is tell your wife if she really wants to go, she can drive that Skoda there herself because I will not be attending until I'm ready. So you don't need to be there every week.

18:25Sam, however, you never know. I just love the idea on his weekend, what's his name? Jake. Jake, literally in his car on a weekend at like 8.30 the morning, going for fuck's sake, driving from Leicester. But also, I mean, by the sounds of it, it's fully the wife's choice there. The kids don't want to be there. Jake doesn't want to be there. But they're forced to go along with what the mum wants, which is amazing. but yeah so so if you've now been to two games and still haven't seen us win um i do apologize um but we will of course be letting you know when we will be attending at some point um i i'm being forced to make an appearance it may be on their next um their next game the the away game i imagine against uh mgr rovers my team but you know what we're not going to do is we're not going to let know when we're going to be there so you have to turn up to every game just in case so in case you're unaware of what we do what what we do is is just contradict ourselves as i've just said that we will tell you uh so that's part of what this podcast is so um you know there you go i hope that explains it we will tell you but we won't tell you oh god um anyway uh love that from jake that was a fucking good email really like that we're on question time baby question time you know you like a question time yeah it's my favourite time of the week it's Pete's absolutely favourite no shag marry kill this week as well because we did smash it in the O2 but as you know there's a question box which goes up on our socials every week at staying relevant podcast you can bang your questions in there and we do have a couple now if you had to fake your own death Pete to up your podcast ratings what's your exit plan and what Zed list celebrity are you hiring to cry on the rain?

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22:08I mean, if I'm faking my own death, then I imagine I wouldn't need to hire anyone. You would be straight in there with treatments for documentaries and things that you can do to further your career off the back of my death. So I imagine it would be you that would be crying on the rain. I'd have Paps photographing me crying on his grave. Yeah, yeah. However, there wouldn't be a grave because I wouldn't, I would just go. Swallowed by a whale. No, I wouldn't, no. I'm not Moby Dick. Be a plant. What? You know, you can be a plant with your dead body. Do you know this? You can take your corpse and it can be buried in a pod and then they plant a tree on top of that pod and the tree sucks the minerals out of your body and it gives the tree life.

22:54I mean, that's great, but that doesn't really answer any of the question there. Dog food. No, so what you think we've been asked is what would you do with your body after you've died? What's the question? What the question is, is how would you fake your own death? Right, yeah. So I wouldn't just go, how would you fake your own death? Dog food. Swallowed by a whale. So what I would do is I would just go missing. And then you wouldn't know whether I'm dead or alive. A little bit like Carole Baskin's husband, still not being seen. And eventually, eventually, after years and years of search, they have to write a death certificate because they assume you're dead.

23:30But it's a period of time and I don't know, I can't remember exactly what the period of time is, but it wouldn't be a confirmed death. I could be somewhere, but I might not be. I'd just like to leave people in jeopardy. So there wouldn't be a grave, there wouldn't be anything. I would just disappear. And I'll be honest with you, it's something I've thought about multiple times and you may be within luck. What do you think I would do if you disappeared and it was like, where's Pete gone? What would my reaction be? You'd call ITV within a fucking second and say, listen, And I've got a great idea for a show.

23:58It's called Where's Pete? I have this idea, right, of Pete. Like the last shot of the documentary. And like there's a silhouette on a mountain. Okay, so I'm Bigfoot now. It's a silhouette on a mountain top. And it's just a guy on a horse with a cowboy hat on. And I'm like, zoom it in, zoom it in. And it's like a silhouette of Pete on the horse. And he sees us and we see him. And we haven't seen him for three years. and he turns around and races away on his thing and we have to chase him on our horses. And then he comes to a canyon and I'm like, why did you do it, Pete? Why did you leave? And then Pete's like, I just couldn't do it anymore.

24:36And that's as far as I got. Is that not a fucking brilliant dog, finding Peter? I mean, it sounds like you've got it all planned out. Oh, I've got to be amazing. Have you had the development money for this? No, I haven't. Do I need to disappear first? Yeah. Before we can get it away? Yeah. Excellent. Well, that could be cut. Look forward to ITV next year in spring, Finding Peter. Would I be your only call so that you're letting me know that you're alive but no one else? You'd be the reason I've left. Yeah, but would you then be like, look, mate, I am still kicking about, but just leave me be. No, because it kind of defeats the object.

25:12And also, if I was going to trust someone with knowing I was still alive, you and your big mouth wouldn't be it. What do you mean? Because you'd be straight on the phone. No, I've spoke to him. He's far. Oh. No, who knows where he is? He just needs a couple of weeks. He's going to be fine. But that's what I would do. It would just be a disappearance and it would be a is he, isn't he, and no one would ever see me again. If I was going to make that decision, you would never see me again. Wow. No one would see me again. Bloody hell. I'd want to go down in a blaze of glory. Yeah, man. Listen, I don't think any of us are surprised by that.

25:44How would you like to die? If you were going to fake your own death, bear in mind that this is faking your own death. this is not exactly how you want to die. It'd have to be combat. Some sort of combat, I think. Sort of like a really rough Quidditch game. It'd be like, it'd be combat. Combat. I mean, because you've got an extensive background in combat. So, you know, out of all the kind of battles that you've been in, is there any way you thought you may be, you know, is it a sword fight? Is it gunfire? I don't know. It'd have to be saving someone doing something. Saving someone doing something.

26:20Yeah, I don't know. It'd probably be, it'd have to be like a, you know, it'd be arson on our part. So we'd set fire to the building. It'd be you. Our part? You'd be, because you'd be in on this as well. So it'd be you, I'd be saving from a burning building. Oh, so we're not faking your death, we're faking our death. No, because you survived because I saved you. So I've gone out, I've gone down. I've gone out as a hero. And so I've literally gone, Pete, please just do this last thing for me. And I'm the one everyone blames for your death. So there's been a fire. Pete's smoking f***ing, he's passed out and f***ing sort of gone on the floor and there's gone up in flames.

26:50and you know it's all fake and I've gone in to rescue you. I've rescued you, but I haven't made it. But the problem with that is if I know it's all fake, what would happen is I don't think you'd be able to rescue it. I'd have to rescue myself and then leave you behind. Yeah, but you'd have to come out and be like, Sam's rescued me. Oh, okay. So actually what's happened? Okay. But he couldn't make it. He couldn't make it. Okay, fine. So what I'm doing is creating, so really you're doing nothing. you're not even rescuing me I've rescued myself but then what I'm doing is creating your hero in my hero moment aftermath and then if you wouldn't mind I'd like you to salt burn my grave I don't know what that means I'd like you to salt burn my grave again I don't know what that means isn't it someone in the film shags the grave right I would like you if you wouldn't mind yeah well I do mind I wouldn't mind you yeah but like I just said I do mind just into the soil yeah again I do mind so that wouldn't happen so that's what you want is you want to go out in a fire where you have saved a life yeah okay excellent if you were to actually die how would you like to die we'll get onto that let's get onto the second part who would you have crying on this morning oh fucking you 100 % I'd bounce Louise I'd be like, no, no, no, Louise.

28:16No, no, no, I need Pete. Could you rely on me to cry about it? Yeah. Because if you didn't know about it, yes. So now I'm not in on it. If you weren't in on it, Pete, because I would, I would, and I'd be watching from afar. Do you understand this question? I'd be watching from afar, right, when we've won our BAFTA from Pete's something that he's done. And Pete would come up on that pulpit and be like, guys, this is for Sam Thompson. Brother, I know you're looking down on me right now. And this is for us. And you would be because you'd be in the crowd with a sort of a wig, a new one. and a beard.

28:46And yeah, yeah, you just sort of... The problem is with you is that faking your own death, you couldn't keep away. Because you'd want to see how sad everyone is. I would. You'd want to see how sad everyone is. You'd want to see what the response was. You'd be checking every paper. You'd be turning up everywhere just to see if you made any sort of impact on the world. Like an Instagram post. If someone had done like a really nice post, like. Yeah, you'd set up a new Instagram called Sam Pompson, which is similar to what Great Bar United think you're called. and then you'd just be doing that. You'd get found out because you wouldn't be able to keep your fucking mouth shut.

29:19So you wouldn't be able to fate your own death because you'd want to see the response that your death had on people. I would. I really would. I can't even deny it. So the only way that we can actually do that is to kill you. Well, this is the thing. Because if I did actually die, God forbid, touch wood, and you did do like some sort of battle war-winning thing, would you, I would love it if you mentioned me in your speech. And you were just like, this is for us, brother. I know how much this meant for you. Like, if we could all just do a moment of silence and a moment of applause, actually, for Sam.

29:52Like, this is for you, brother. Would you cry at that point? If I died, would you cry? Yeah, I mean, I'd just won a BAFTA. But if I died, would you cry? Well, I mean, yeah. It would really, of course I would. Someone kill me. Fuck it. Let's do it. No, of course I would. Like, there's so many, like, issues with that. Like, you know, I'd have to get a new co-host. You know, I'd have to adopt the cats. Oh, my God. They would live such lovely lives. Before Peggy killed them. Yeah, no. Yeah, of course I would. I mean, that's a silly cry. I'd cry if almost anyone in this room died. Almost. Almost anyone.

30:32We all looked at Josh. Is it a quick wank? No, I'm just scratching. Okay. Eczema. How would you like to go out? Quietly. Like a lion taking its way to the end of the... Yeah. When you get, you know, these kind of lions, you know, in the fucking plains of Africa and they've ruled a dynasty for years and then they sort of get to the point where a bit slower and they've got multiple injuries and scars and they can barely see. And what they do is they just take themselves off and die in a ditch. I'd quite happily do that. And how would you like to be buried? Well, I wouldn't. I'd like to be eaten by vultures.

31:11just pecking it as court. Just picked up. Well, I'm dead at that point. Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't think. That's such a Pete Wicks burial. I can see just Pete, like, mangled there. Listen, giving back to nature. Take me. Yeah, I'd just quietly. Quietly go. Yeah, I'd just quietly disappear, I think would be my thing. It's a big difference between Sam and I. He wants to go in a blaze of glory as a hero. I want to die silently and alone. No family. No, just, just, where is that fella? It's that guy. You know, the guy. But yeah. Anyway, next question. When are we getting merch? Oh, this has been asked a lot.

31:53I think there were a few people a little bit disappointed about the O2 no being merch. We are, I believe, and Pete is going to probably correct me on this, but I believe that we are going to have a website that is going to be selling merch all year round. Pete's looking at me like I've got that wrong, So I'm going to pass this over to Pete to correct what I have just stated. Listen, fly this plane, big boy. Okay. So we've got a website. We've got a website. And on that website, we will be selling fucking staying relevant merch all year round. Yeah, we actually are. Yeah, so basically. From when?

32:33That I don't know. Next year? A little bit earlier? We are in the process. We are in the process. It's taken a bit. As you can imagine, things have been quite busy. It's staying relevant head office. Lots going on with quite a small team. Merch has been spoken about numerous times and plans are in motion for that to happen. We will, of course, let you know. You'll be the first to know, mainly because we want your money. So if we don't let you know, there's no point in us having merch. But, yeah, it's coming, is basically what I'm going to say. It's coming. We have done, there's designs that have gone up and we just had to put a bit of a hold on it because there's been so much going on.

33:11But it will be coming. Sam is right. There is a website which is all set up and ready to go. We just have to just crack on with it. So it is on our list of things and you will have merch before Christmas. Oh, wow. So you can fill your stockings up and Sam is right. Oh, wow. Do a dwerp for us. No. So, yeah. So keep your eyes peeled. It will be coming. It wasn't at the O2 because for a small team of like fucking eight people putting on merch as well as headlining the O2 is quite a lot. When we do Wembley, we're definitely going to have merch there. Yeah. So I'll be on the stand while Sam's on the stage selling the merch.

33:56But, yeah. So it's coming. It's coming. Be patient. But before that, there's the book. So all the money that you want to spend on merch, spend it on the book. Technically merch. And the book is fucking good, by the way. Yep, I've got some more audio book recordings to do. There's actually going to be a link to pre-order the book, which is in this episode description. So get the pre-orders in for that. It's going to be coming very, very soon. We haven't given the actual date yet. No, we didn't do the exact release date. But we will be letting you know about that very, very soon. The obviously front cover you've seen, Sam's in a penny.

34:39I'm in a fucking penny with a dusting cloth. Yeah. Sam's very disappointed. Sam signed that off four months ago. So it's not a surprise to Sam. He has seen it. And I love it. Love it. I'm a French maid up a ladder. Fucking great. Yeah. I saw it blown up at the O2 and went, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wearing stockings. Yeah. Yeah, that was the bit where Sam thought, God, what has my life become? Not the bit where he was in a Velcro suit with a mammal toe getting balls thrown at him, or the bit where he was incredibly disappointed that he wasn't arseless chaps. I was really upset about that. And I will say this as well.

35:13This is really big. If you were at the O2 and watched an ice cream, I did say, Dad, I hope you're proud now. Dad did come to the O2 show, and I can confirm he was proud of the balls and the mammal toe. So money well spent on private school. Yeah. Listen, you could spend thousands and look what you could achieve.

35:39Ah, fuck! Ow! Thank you for listening to Staying Relevant, the podcast hosted by Pete Wicks and Sam Thompson. If you want a feature in this podcast, then email hello at srproductions.co.uk, subscribe and follow and do all of that sort of stuff. You'll be able to watch this episode and watch what Sam's just done this Sunday from 5pm. See you later, motherfuckers. Goodbye. I'm great. That hurts so much. This has been a Staying Relevant production.

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38:20Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.