Sam's first date fail...

0:00If you felt stuck trying to lose weight, you're not alone. Enter Weight Loss by HERS. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals. And HERS now offers access to an affordable range of FDA-approved GLP-1 medications, including the WeGovi pill and the WeGovi pen. Even better, with a range of affordable GLP-1 options, HERS makes it simple to find an approach that fits your needs and your budget, if eligible. You'll get a treatment plan personalized to you and unlimited dosage changes as needed. It's weight loss designed to work with your life. Ready to reach your goals? Visit 4HERS.com slash eligible to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

0:37That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S dot com slash eligible. 4HERS.com slash eligible. Weight loss by HERS is not available in all 50 states. WeGovi is the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk AS. To get started and learn more, including important safety information, Wegovi clinical study information and restrictions. Visit ForHers.com. Therapy's biggest impact doesn't show up in some dramatic breakthrough. It shows up in the smallest moments. You bite your tongue instead of escalating. You put your phone down instead of firing off that text. You say what you actually mean instead of what would hurt someone else the most.

1:14Nobody applauds those moments, but they quietly change your life. That's what growing feels like. And that's exactly what Grow Therapy is here for. Grow is therapy that works, covered by insurance. Sessions average$21 with insurance, and some pay as little as$0, depending on their plan. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality, licensed therapists across the U.S., offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends. You can search by what matters, like insurance, specialty, identity, or availability.

1:51And you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days, not the national 48-day average. See if you could pay as little as$0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash ACAST. That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

2:19Welcome to Staying Relevant, the podcast hosted by two bestest of best pals, me, Sam Thompson and Peter, James, Jonathan, Joseph, Wick, in the new studio for the bonus episode. Yes, this is the first bonus. There will be swearing. If you don't like it, go f*** yourself. Make sure you rate, review, do all of that sort of shit. And the bonus episode is normally all about you. So if you want to get in touch with us, then email the worst email address in the world, which is hello at srproductions.co.uk. Do Josh's YouTube channel, all of that fucking crap. Yeah, you know the fucking score by now. Right, let's crack the fuck on, shall we?

2:56Bad man a diss. This is the episode where it's all about you. And we have had emails flooding in like you wouldn't believe. We've had Michelle come in. She goes, hey, boys, I just got a new job and found myself going to write a LinkedIn post to update my loyal connections. With your new office and the company going from strength to strength, please can we hear your hypothetical LinkedIn post with all the corporate language and exciting announcements. Thanks, Michelle. I mean, I think it's an easy one for me, especially now I'm in kind of this era when I'm down with the kids. I may have stolen this from Talisa, but I think I'd just do a picture with Boss Bitch.

3:41I would exactly people do that on LinkedIn it's more like oh I'm so thrilled to announce I'm thrilled to announce that I'm a boss bitch and then that would be my LinkedIn profile picture is just me just is it where you're like overly PC where you're literally just like I am so overly thrilled to announce after all yeah but I like to buck trends after all the hard work and dedication to calls like formal bragging oh yeah right from such an amazing team. We have gone from strength from, from views of thingy to just under a million a month. Yeah. I mean, basically, and also what you do is exaggerate.

4:16And we've got a prime example of that because we've got someone in the office that did it on her, Annalise, when she was part-time working for staying relevant before her full-time appointment. And in the first week of being at the company, her title on LinkedIn was head of sound. because we jokingly told her that. So she was thrilled to announce that I've become head of sound for Stainford. That is an unlimited LinkedIn post. So, which is fabulous. So that's basically what LinkedIn is. I mean, what would you, your technique, you're a CEO, founder, you know, director. What would you, because I mean, my email signature is CEO.

5:04And founder. And founder. What's mine? Well, I mean, that's a prime example there. You've never used it. So this is your opportunity now to create your email signature and your LinkedIn title. Do you know what I do? I do what they do on LinkedIn. I do a red siren on either side and be like, exciting news. Have you ever seen LinkedIn? Yeah. I know people do that on Instagram where they've got like a new job role. LinkedIn, very different. Oh, really? LinkedIn, think of it like. the social media platform for professionals. You don't sort of do, got a promotion winky face on LinkedIn. It's not like kind of one of them.

5:45Well, I do two sirens with exciting news, exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark, capital letters. You're talking about like big dogs and proper CEOs. They don't do exclamation marks, winky faces and sirens. You can't add a song to your new LinkedIn profile picture with moving on up or anything like that. Moving on up. All right. Thrill, thrilled to announce. Thrilled to announce my new appointment as. As founder and CEO of Staying Relevant Productions, just moved into a new building, recently hired and really looking forward to the future and working and connecting with everybody in this brilliant community that we have.

6:26Anybody who would like to connect, please feel free to send me an email at. no that's not that's not even no okay that's what I'm not going to say telephone number 077 mate you've pretty much got it connecting and I'll tell you how I know that you smashed that do people give you kudos likes they react oh do you know I've never seen anyone go sorry guys I just want to give you some kudos do you know what's in the fuck people give kudos they give a like what are you doing they give a thumbs up I've never seen anyone do a more awkward thumbs up in my fucking life. Okay. Well, there's another one as well.

7:06I've noticed this, you get LinkedIn influencers who will make up a fucking story and they'll be like, there was this guy who came in for a job interview and I wasn't going to give it to him. But then like he, no, it was like, there's this guy who was, he charmed me. Yeah. But he was like, he gave me the last bagel and that showed me that he had what it took to be. And they like write this fucking story about someone they've hired because like they've noticed the inner like beauty of that person. It's a complete fucking lie. And you can start making money apparently now via LinkedIn. What just through like connecting and giving kudos?

7:42because they're fucking influencers. And actually the only reason I know about this kind of founder CEO stuff is on Raya, weirdly on the dating app. Yeah. You've been connecting with a lot of founders and CEOs explaining their LinkedIn CEO. You need to work on your chat up. I'm not even joking. When I first joined it and I'll swipe him through. no swiping back but I was swiping through and loads of people would have like founder and I'd be like I don't even know what that fucking means well I mean staying relevant we are at the forefront of technology and social media so staying relevant productions has a LinkedIn no we do not of course no who's in charge of that don't you worry about that mate just in case anyone wants to connect and if you do want to connect with us big kudos so wait should we start Are we actually, are we genuinely, it's a serious thing?

8:30Well, listen, and I'll be honest with you, it's not like Instagram and all that sort of stuff where it's about your followers, but we've wrecked up. We've got 200 followers. No, we don't, do we actually? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Mate, mate, mate, mate, we don't fuck about. Can I write something on the LinkedIn? No, you cannot. Hello, fuckers. Can you allow me to do that on LinkedIn? It's the big boss bitch here. Have we changed it to my profile picture yet? Not yet. All right. And we're going to do big slay. Yeah, we should do that after because that would be an absolute slay. Actually, sorry, Pippa, you've got LinkedIn, don't you?

9:00Yeah, you guys are my profile picture. Do you take it really seriously? Oh, she's used the old profile picture from the team night out the other week. Yeah. I'm surprised you didn't use the one where we're all candidly just laughing at each other. No, I've got a cover photo as well. Can't let that one out of the bag. We genuinely do candidly laugh at each other. We don't ask to do that. Anyway, so LinkedIn. Next up, I'm going to read this on a move really quickly because I'm disturbed, angry and a little bit upset by it. Someone has emailed in to say, is it just me or is Pete turning into Simon Cowell?

9:33I've thought a few times recently. I can't explain it. Just gives me the vibe. And that's from Joanne. Joanne, unfollow and fuck off. No, no, no, no. Let's just stay on here for a second. Because the reason Pete even found out about this is because today he said, God, you look so much like Simon Cowell today, trying to mug me off. And then actually it turns out that it's you. You're the guy. Yours in today's, today's fit check. I do look a little bit Simon Cowell. I've tucked in the t-shirts. Yeah, you've gone for old school Simon Cowell. Apparently I have heard though that Simon Cowell has had a secret room in his dressing room.

10:09A secret room? A secret room. Yeah. He had a secret room. What do you think he does? Not a clue. Couldn't tell you. And if I knew you wouldn't say anyway, but like, yeah, apparently he had a secret room. It's part of the magic code. So, so Pete looks like Simon Cowell. So if we could do any sort of, you know, imagery, maybe an AI and sort of like merge Pete and Simon Cowell together. This is what AI is. Because basically just you can all think up these stupid fucking ideas and then show me what it'd be like. Oh, imagine if Pete was Simon Cowell. I get it. That's what I'm going to look like in a few years.

10:42Fine. Yeah, great. Do you know what the best thing is? I'm starting to learn how to use AI. Just to warn you now, Pete. Yeah, yeah. I've downloaded you doing Google Gemini, right? And then you download a song called VO3 and you can give prompts. Okay. Isn't that hair care? Right. You give, you give prompts and you basically write a script for an animation and you can basically, if you send photos in of the person, you can get them to actually do proper real life animations. So I, when I've mastered it, can get you to do some really rogue shit. Oh, so this is, uh, welcome to the new phase of, uh, let's piss Pete off with Stan Williams Productions.

11:19Suddenly I won't have to do the dancers anymore because he'll just, AI generate me doing that. I'm so excited for it. It's going to be so, so good. Next up. Hi, both. First things first. You're going to love this one. Just, just head up and look directly down the camera and just do, you know, now that we've finished, we know why you've been working out, but if you just look sexy down the camera for me. All right. First things first. Love the pod. You got something in your eye? I'm just looking like a blue steel look. It looks like a stoned look. I may. Well, you just carry on. I'm here. First things first.

11:52Love the pod. I've been a massive fan of you both for a very long time. And I'm so excited to see you at the O2. My question is, I'm a mum of three and at the age of 43, is it acceptable that Sam has made it to my list? What's the list? Keep being sexy. I'm going to tell you. For those that don't know, the list is basically five or 10 celebrities that if the opportunity to sleep with them came up, your partner, wife, or husband has to agree to it. On a side note, Sam, you're an absolute legend and a beautiful person inside and out, even before the grow up. Keep up the good work. See you soon, Charlotte.

12:23You are on someone's, what do they call it? There's a word for it. Shag list. No, it's not just shag list. No, hear me out. No, it's not that. Hear me out list. No. It's a hear me out list. Hall pass, hall pass. Sorry, what? It's the hall pass, isn't it? Is that old school? Mate. All right. Have you heard what hear me out is? For the kids, it's the hear me outs. It's for the adults and the grownups, it's a hall pass. So a hall pass is when you're in a relationship, but you see like a celebrity or whatever else, and you go, do you know what? Yeah, Megan Fox is always in mind. So there you go, that's your hall pass.

12:58No, but do you know what? But you're a hall pass now. No, do you know what people just said? The hear me out's worse. It's apparently for the unconventional ones where you have to basically land it. So you're literally just like, hear me out, hear me out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't judge me. Don't judge me. Mate, what the fuck is that? But I would sleep with Sam Thompson. Don't judge me. Don't judge me. No, no, no, no. Let me tell you why. Let me tell you. I've got to explain it because you won't understand otherwise. Fucking mental. But, mate, you're on a list. The thirst trap, I think this is almost like completion now, the thirst trap.

13:27I think we're there. Oh, fucking hell. I think we've completed it. Sam Redding Productions has completed. Let's just, Sam is now an official sexy boy. He's a sexy boy. Anyway, well, there you go, mate. How does it feel to be a sexy boy? I'm on a list, baby. You're the nation's sweetheart. You're a national treasure and you're a official sexy, sexy boy. Oh man, that makes me feel so good. Right. Really quickly, we are going to move on to some questions that you guys have sent us via the question box. Oh, we love questions. Da-da-da-da question time.

14:09If you felt stuck trying to lose weight, you're not alone. Enter Weight Loss by HERS. It's designed to support you in reaching your goals. And HERS now offers access to an affordable range of FDA-approved GLP-1 medications, including the WeGovi pill and the WeGovi pen. Even better, with a range of affordable GLP-1 options, HERS makes it simple to find an approach that fits your needs and your budget. If eligible, you'll get a treatment plan personalized to you and unlimited dosage changes as needed. It's weight loss designed to work with your life. Ready to reach your goals? Visit ForHERS.com slash eligible to get personalized, affordable care that gets you.

14:46That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S dot com slash eligible. ForHERS.com slash eligible. Weight loss by HERS is not available in all 50 states. WeGovi is the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk AS. To get started and learn more, including important safety information, WeGovi clinical study information, and restrictions, visit ForHERS.com. Therapy's biggest impact doesn't show up in some dramatic breakthrough. It shows up in the smallest moments. You bite your tongue instead of escalating. You put your phone down instead of firing off that text. You say what you actually mean instead of what would hurt someone else the most.

15:24Nobody applauds those moments, but they quietly change your life. That's what growing feels like. And that's exactly what Grow Therapy is here for. Grow is therapy that works, covered by insurance. Sessions average$21 with insurance, and some pay as little as$0, depending on their plan. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality, licensed therapists across the U.S., offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends. You can search by what matters, like insurance, specialty, identity, or availability.

16:00And you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days, not the national 48-day average. See if you could pay as little as$0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash ACAST. That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

16:31we've got um first one up this is a good one for you because you are in your dating era yeah um if you were cooking for a new love interest what are you making now i know what sam's go-to is because it's what he cooks for everyone when he goes around and just cooking a couple of steaks couple of steaks and just come around for a couple of steaks baby i mean if you were going to do a three course meal? Right, just a couple of steaks. That's where it starts and ends. So three times? Yeah, but I don't even - Just like a different cut of beef. I'm not making a three course, you don't need to make a three course meal.

17:01I say, come around for a couple of steaks and it sounds a little bit seedy, but it's really, really not. I'm just really, I love making steaks. And I genuinely, I really, really do. I had a date not that long ago where I was quite hung over and I was meant to go for a walk. a walking date, which are things now, by the way, where you just go for a walk and a coffee and this and yeah. It's not 2020, mate. COVID's gone. Yeah, I know. A walk and a coffee apparently is like quite a good day. And I was a bit hungover and I was like, look, why don't you come round and I'll cook us a couple of steaks.

17:36So I did that and we sat on the sofa. I'd never met before. It was the first date. We sat on the sofa. Sorry, first date? You just went straight in with, come round, I'll cook you a couple of steaks. Yeah. And then you set her on the sofa. Yeah. Yeah. My God. Made some steaks, asked her a couple of questions. I had the worst experience ever actually. This, by the way, if you are cooking a couple of steaks or you are cooking for someone and it's like one of your first few dates, you've got to clean your loo's. That, that is, was a real fucking problem. I'm not joking. This is God's honest truth, right?

18:10Never met her before. She comes around for a couple of steaks. You left a log, didn't you? She went downstairs. She goes, close your bathroom. I was like, yeah, yeah, sure. she goes downstairs oh and that's your favourite shitting room into the basement and she comes this is this made me I was already hung over this made me die I would have to throw up in the sink she came back upstairs I went I just want to I just want to just make it clear that downstairs wasn't me

18:42the panic that I had I went what do you mean what's going on she went I don't know what's happened down there But she goes, There's been a massacre down there. Someone has pebble dashed the toilet. And I just want to, listen, I'm not, I'm not accusing you. Hear me out. So bad. I just want you to know that wasn't me. I don't know who it was. And I went, Oh no, it wasn't me either. It wasn't me either. I don't even know what it is. It was the cats. It wasn't me, but I went, I had some friends around and we had some drinks and one of them had probably done that. And I was like, I know, I, I already know how, not true that sounds.

19:20And so I've literally, and I've gone so red and I'm sweaty. He goes, no, no, no, it's fine. I just want you to know it's not me. So we spent about two minutes both to each other, having not met before going, it wasn't me. And her going, it wasn't me. Next up. This is good one. What are you cooking? Let's not just go from me and just go carry on. What are you cooking? Crab? No, you've got, you've got, sorry? Sorry, because you were going like that with your hands. I said he's cooking crab. No. So for a date, you're not entering my abode for two years. You look so serious when you say that. I feel like you mean it.

19:59Yeah. Why? Eat out. I'll be eating out. Okay, but if they were to eat in? That's not an option. What would you cook? Tofu? No, I don't like tofu. um then I would probably just um I I it's not often that Pete's speechless here it's because it's never really happened I've never really thought about stir fry um and then they can just have um I don't know a portion of cock for dessert just a portion of cock for dessert new studio same us a portion of cock um and then people settle them down to watch a bit of Disney and a bit of Hunchback of Notre Dame. Let's get that out of the way because I can't cry when I'm hard.

20:48So it's really difficult. But yeah, we will sit down and watch Hunchback of Notre Dame together. It's a lovely evening. Then I will politely get you a car home because I don't like people staying the night. I can't imagine like, Pete, do you ever fart in the morning? This is a real issue of mine, by the way. Oh, I know. Like, this is a proper problem where, it's not a problem, But basically I will wake up in the morning and for some reason I get really bad stomach aches. Like I get stomach cramps in the morning. And like I sometimes, I moat more often than not do need to let off like a little bit of wind.

21:22And like I have been, I have woken up next to whoever it may be. And, uh, and I've needed to fart. I will have to go and get out of bed and go to the spare room and go and fart in that loo at six in the morning. just so I don't fart next to them. So I'll go in and I'll pull the cheeks apart. So you don't get any of that sound. Because if you do that, it's just air, right? So you pull the cheeks apart. And it's just... They would still hear you from the spare room. Just in case. I'm not... That's such a visual... What do you mean by... How do you pull your cheeks apart like that? Or you just stand.

22:11Show us. It's not like I do anything wrong. So you've just walked into the spare room. It's 6am. She's still asleep. You don't want to drop one just in case. All right. You don't want to do that. So you go into your spare room. You've walked into the bathroom in the spare room. I'll tell you what. You've shut the door. I just go there and say, then go back in. Let's go back in. It's just, I think it's just good manners. I genuinely do. I just, I produce papers looking like she wants to kill me. I think it's good manners, man. And I love that you've shared that because I'm sure a lot of people want to know what they should do in the mornings.

22:46And the good thing is if anyone, any of your new partners, because you are, you know, single currently, when you leave every morning now, they are going to think about the fact that you've gone straight to the spare room to pull your arse cheeks apart. That's such a good point. No! Everyone's going to know my move! Yeah, oh God, and it was such a top secret. But yeah, amazing. I actually once woke myself up recently when I farted and it was next to, yeah. And I literally went, oh no. And you know, and you panic. Well, I was going to say, it's lucky that you do that and you go into the bathroom because you have been known to follow through.

23:22So anyway, we're just slowly deleting more and more questions as we continue to talk about your ass habits. So let's try and get another one in in question time. because it's turned into, and the one question for today's pod, what are your plans for retirement? Oh. I mean, for me, I think it'd be medically discharged from work soon. So it would be an early retirement forced upon me. And I imagine my retirement will consist of a slow and painful death. My retirement is starting a YouTube channel. Yeah. Why are you laughing at that? What the fuck is wrong with that? that's my retirement I'd like to start a football YouTube channel and a gaming one as well Twitch streaming your retirement yeah sorry how old are you going to be when you retire I don't know however old I am I want to start a YouTube channel like Mark Goldbridge why are you waiting till you retire because I don't have the time so yeah when I retire but that's a passion project I just want to retire and start a YouTube channel thank you

24:30what's wrong with that That's not even weird. What's yours? Oh, I'm just going to die. I love the way Pete makes it sound like the moment it's done, he's just going to go, and that was my time. And he just decides, and he lies down and goes, this is it. And he just puts his hand across his back and just goes, and just lets out that final pained gasp. I'll be perfectly honest with you. I'll be the only person in history that's ever walked to their own coffin. when he's done he's just gonna lie I'll feel it coming I'll feel it coming I don't mind if I'm early by a few days or whatever else I'll just rest up in the coffin and go you ain't gonna move me at this point yeah yeah like a lion you know a lion can tell when it's gonna die check the pulse every morning for the next week or so and the minute you can't feel one just nail me back in and just drop me in the ground or just I don't know throw me in the fire do whatever you're gonna do and then have a party with the ashes and have a good time that's so funny I can imagine Pete just sort of like like the old lions do when they can sense that it's their time they go and find a little place away from the pride well it's like a cat it's what a cat does when you get cats when cats feel like they're dying through old age or whatever they tend to take themselves away and just die alone yeah and I am an alley cat so I will just I'll just happily just find a little corner somewhere and just drop down on his chair I'll do it somewhere private because you don't want someone like finding my decomposing my favourite thing is you're going to find normally what happens when you die is you shit yourself so that's going to be great I'm going to vlog it on my new YouTube channel.

25:58I'm literally going to be like, hey, this is Pete with me. See, that's more like a Sam. We haven't heard or seen Pete for three weeks. So let's all find Pete. That's going to be Sam's retirement. It's going to be like a treasure hunt. And the treasure at the end is me where I've shit myself. I've got maggots crawling from my arsehole mouth and I've slowly decomposed. And Sam is then going to find me. So treasure hunting with Sam Thompson. Do you know what's really crazy? I can't feel my penis at the moment. Mate, it's really wild. I just wanted to slip that in before we leave. What an interesting choice of words.

26:36There's no point doing that, mate. You won't feel it. Mate, it's really terrifying. I can't feel my penis. Since I've been riding the bike, I still can't. Sorry to bring up the challenge again. But yeah, mate, I think it's pushed down on some nerves and I still can't feel my penis. So the torn calf was the last few worries. Yeah, I'm a bit worried about it actually. So you've got a ruptured helmet. Well, no, I don't even know what's going on, but I can't feel it. Have you spoken to Gary about it? Yeah, he said there's a word for it, but I don't know if it should be last. Yeah, I think it's hypochondriac and full of shit.

27:09I think that's what they call it. Mate, I genuinely can't feel my penis. When I pee, I never know if it's finished. I have to look. No, genuinely. Don't, oh my God, that's a really, that could be a serious medical experience. to Staying Relevant with Pete Wicks and Sam Lost My Penis Thompson. We're back, baby! We're begging, begging the net, begging, oh my God. Please. Yep, we are back, bigger, bigger. We're begging for everything. Slay, slay queen. If you want to feature the podcast then email hello at srproductions.co.uk subscribe, follow, rate, review, do all of that sort of stuff at Staying Relevant Podcast.

27:46Make sure you listen on Monday next week when we will find out where Sam's penis is. We love you so, so much. And we are so, so loud. And we want to thank you for everything you've done for us so far. Oh, no. Oh, there he is, boys. Mike back. Sorry, I nearly forgot. Because we are in our own little studios just for the end of this one, which I think will be fabulous, is in the background, because we have a wonderful team and we've been speaking about AI, they have come up with a if Pete was Simon Cowell. Oh my God. And it has been sent to you, Sam. Oh my God. This is going to be so good. That was quick.

28:28Oh my God, it's you. This is why I'm going to the gym because this is what I see in the mirror because I look like a box. That's a thumb in a wig. You and Simon Cowell together. Get Simon on the pod. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, let's, do you know what I mean? now that we've got our own studio we should have guests rolling in they've been dying to come in over the past three years almost everyone that we've asked unless it's been a mate has said no but now that we're in our own studio Simon Cowell is that Simon on the phone? you want to come on the podcast because you've heard we've got a great new studio Simon get yourself in mate but join the back of the queue KSI is coming on first you c*** I'm surprised Pete knows who KSI is we should get KSI and he'd be great this has been a Staying Relevant production hello Relevanters we wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music we are going to be playing Snog Marry Avoid one of our favourite games all with fictional characters so prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas and possibly the genie from Aladdin we don't know yet we're sort of like undecided on that one that's an avoid for me that one genie I don't know I quite like it Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.