Sam's new enemy and Pete receives a surprise delivery

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0:33For more information, see calshe.com slash regulatory. Therapy's biggest impact doesn't show up in some dramatic breakthrough. It shows up in the smallest moments. You bite your tongue instead of escalating. You put your phone down instead of firing off that text. You say what you actually mean instead of what would hurt someone else the most. Nobody applauds those moments, but they quietly change your life. That's what growing feels like. And that's exactly what Grow Therapy is here for. Grow is therapy that works, covered by insurance. Sessions average$21 with insurance, and some pay as little as$0, depending on their plan.

1:11There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality, licensed therapists across the U.S., offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends. You can search by what matters, like insurance, specialty, identity, or availability. And you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days, not the national 48-day average. See if you could pay as little as$0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash ACAST. That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

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2:32That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S dot com slash eligible. ForHERS.com slash eligible. Weight loss by HERS is not available in all 50 states. WeGovi is the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk AS. To get started and learn more, including important safety information, We go for clinical study information and restrictions. Visit ForHers.com. Welcome to Staying Relevant, the bonus episode hosted by me, Sam Thompson, and your boy, the man, the myth, the legend, Peter, James, Jonathan, Joseph, Wicks. This episode will contain swearing. If you don't like it, go f*** yourself. This is the bonus episode, which means it's Thursday, so you'll be able to watch this visually on a Sunday on Josh's YouTube channel.

3:21And Monday's main episode is now available on Josh's YouTube channel as of 5pm last night, which was Wednesday, which means that you can catch us on a... Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. As this is the bonus episode, it is mainly about you, unless we become self-indulgent, which is, you know... It can happen. It can happen. Sometimes we forget ourselves and think the world revolves around us and in the stay-unrelevant kind of world it does. But if we do include you, then you need to email us at the worst email address in the world which is hello at srproductions.co.uk Remember it's got to be hello Make sure you rate, review follow do all of that fucking shite if you don't know it by now then what are you doing here you bunch of slags

4:05I wonder if any of them are slags I imagine you were at the O2 What do you mean? I mean it was just a sea of whore

4:20I don't mean to know what to say to that one Football check-in is what we're going to we're going to check in on our team well yeah you know you are just on it with the script actually fucking reading this bad boy today I'm reading the script it is madness all he needed was a peep it is that time again where we do the football check-in. Obviously, we need to report on the weekend's activities. So we are going to cut to our sports correspondent, the self-titled sports correspondent, Samuel Robert de Corsi-Thompson. Sam, fill us in. Well, so far this season, we had one loss, which I think we're all aware right now is a 6-0.

5:09But we have had a draw, which is quite fun. Third game of the season for our sponsor team, Great Bar United, was another loss. So we've had a 6-0, a draw, and another loss. Not quite 6-0, though. It's 3-2 this time, so we did put up a fight. So out of three games so far, we have one point. And I do worry. There is some slight trepidation creeping in now that they've taken their eye off the ball and we've made them sort of like, you know when sort of like players get long contracts and they're like, yeah, I can't really be arsed anymore. I feel like we're in that level. We paid too much. Oh, yeah.

5:52I mean, a pound was too much. Yeah, we paid too much. Boys, you can fucking focus yourselves because we're all looking stupid here. Let's just have a little update on where they are in the league. Oh, we checked. They're bottom. See, we can't have that. Got to be honest, can't fucking have that. I feel like you're not just letting yourselves down, Great Bar United, you're letting us down. And, you know, we're on BBC News for you. I'd also just like to point out that I will be recouping our monies if you're relegated. So I suggest you start a little pot now. There is a relegation clause in the contracts.

6:34Yeah, yeah. I mean, obviously you were promoted this season, not due to the fact you were any good, but just based on the fact that there was too many teams within the league. And it seems to be the wrong decision. You have gone up a division, but you're shit. So you're coming back to hell. I don't like being associated with shit because I have enough already. Have you received any shit recently? Oh, yeah. Yeah. And you know what I mean? Physical shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the post. I knew it was a prank which is why I've not mentioned it but yes I received a tub of shit

7:17was that you? yeah or the team another great great prank sorry you received it and didn't say anything about five days ago oh my god

7:39yeah sorry okay so let's just move on from from football basically butt your ideas up because you're fucking useless talking of shit yes about five days ago i had a package delivered um which was a tub of shit from an anonymous person um uh i haven't mentioned it because because I knew it was some sort of stupid joke. I wondered when you were going to bring it up.

8:11How the fuck have you not brought that up? Because I knew exactly it would be saying to the region. Did you get the note? Yeah, something like, what did the note say? Thank you for being such a great best friend. Yeah, he's, you know, I'm putting up with all my shit or something. And it was a genuine Tupperware tub of shit. I bought and sent. And it came from Czechoslovakia or something. Yeah, because it was, wasn't it pig shit? Was it pig shit? Well, you could send it. I didn't test it. It was either that or gorilla shit. I can't remember. You get donkey, gorilla, pig or cow shit. Yeah, I mean, I didn't test it, but it was a tub of shit.

8:47So what I did was I opened it and went, Sam's an idiot. And put it. No, no, I need more than that. I need more than that. When you opened it for the first time and you saw it was just a tub of shit that had been delivered to your apartment, and there is no way he's going, oh, okay, fine. You must have been like, what the fuck is this? No, I instantly know. Instantly know. I can't believe you didn't even bring that up. I instantly know that that was you. It wasn't like, oh God, who could have sent me that? Instantly. Who else is going to send me a tub of shit? I literally was sat at home at about 11 p.m.

9:25Yeah, I can imagine you sat there laughing yourself into a coma doing that weird little muttly laugh, that kind of posh boy laugh where there's no noise comes out. It's just... I've sent him a tub of shit. And what I did was go... Mate, how much planning went into that? Not much, mate. You ordered shit online and put in my address. You know, you didn't exactly... It wasn't exactly a covert operation that led to the... You didn't go and collect the gorilla shit yourself, did you? It's called shit senders, if anyone wants to send some shit to an ex or anything like that. Yeah. So, yeah, a tub of shit.

10:06That's so good. I sent some to Louise and haven't heard anything back either. Well, yeah, because, mate, anyone that knows you, all right, if anyone receives anything weird in the post, the only thing that worried me was that you've got my address. I found it on the Dinelli website, on the database. Right. And I'll tell you how he did that. is because I have to order my own and pay for them. No, that's not true. It's exactly true. That's the only reason it was on the website. That's not true. I will show you an invoice where I paid hundreds of pounds. I don't want to say it. I don't want to say it.

10:42All right? So that's why is because being – this is the difference between a good friend and a bad friend. I support his business venture and bought the sunglasses rather than just ask for freebies like every other c***. and what Sam did in return for me funding his business and helping me out is he sent me a tub of shit. Now, I don't know if that is Dinelli customer care. So if anyone else has bought Dinelli's and received shit, I suggest we work on that. But there he is. There's the laugh.

11:19It's just the way you explain that. It makes you feel really bad. Oh, does it? He's friend of support. And all I've done is send him a ton of shit. So there we go then. Anyway. So now we're going to get on to some emails. Oh, my God. What we have had is a complaint from an office block. Oh, fuck me. Hi, producer Pippa. I'm writing to lodge a complaint regarding one of your company's registered vehicles being parked in my designated parking bay. Please see the image below for reference. Can you please move this vehicle at your earliest convenience and inform me once this has been done to avoid an excess parking charge?

11:59Thanks. Would anyone in the studio like to come forward? Now, we don't know whose car it is. It could be anyone's. Does anyone know anyone that drives a large, brand-new, decked-out 4x4? Anyone? Josh? it's definitely not me no because your car's also in this so Josh's Toyota Yaris is parked next to the Mammoth I'm in the right spot you're in the right spot the designated parking spot that I pay for and haven't yet managed to get into free cars it's not a problem at all Sam's well sorry I just I assumed it was you I don't know does anyone has anyone seen on social media anyone talking about a new car great big brand new really proud of themselves sorry can I just blame some of the studio here quickly because some of the team are literally like nah it's fine no one ever parks in that fucking space they have and they've even was that me oh I did that so do you do you know who it is then that's parks in that it's me parks in that space oh god thank god we found the culprit well do you know Do you know what I find interesting?

13:22They haven't told us who they are. So, do you know what I mean? Like, balls up. Like, you know, if you've got a problem with it, just state your name and where your office block is. Yeah, but what difference does that make? You are still in the wrong space. Well, because we're going to know it's like a guy called Rob. And then we'll - Oh, right. And then what? Are you going to send him some shit? No. Because I don't have his address. But I - Oh, you're probably on the Danelli website. Just look for customer care. Look at the database. No, man, I just, fuck, that's, and they've even got the fucking, like, the time code and stuff.

13:56You've basically got an enemy now in this office. Oh, my God, we've got a work enemy. But you don't even know who it is. We've got another nemesis. Well, um. I'm going to, Pete, Pete, Pete, we need to find this fucker and we need to start actually beefing him. Right, okay. Will they be in this office block? Well, yeah, because that's their designated spot in the company. So, here we go. Should we get Tano and be like, Who the fuck is number 86? Get on the tannoy. We don't work in Tesco. There's not a company tannoy that runs through all of the office going, Nah, anyone that has got parking by 86, I'd like to fuck with you now.

14:36This is war, bitch. Company tannoy. My favourite thing about that is... What?

14:48So let's not beef people in the office. Fuck that, Chad. I was amazing. Oh, my God. No, no, no. We should, bro. Come on, man. We're in this together. If someone's beefing me, they're beefing you. I think we should spray paint paint number 86. I'm not even joking. With like a big penis. Oh, yeah. That was Sean. Yeah, honestly, I think we should. That'll show them. Because I'll tell you something. You know who's on all the deeds for this office? Me. So you know who's going to get... You know who's going to have to pay for that to be repainted. You know who's fucking... You know what I mean? Yeah, that'll really show Rob.

15:33That'll really show Rob. Everything gets... And then I'll tell you, after I've paid it, I'll tell you what you can do just to say thanks. Send me some shit. I forgot you're on all the deeds Sam's name doesn't feature anywhere in this So anything Sam does to anyone in this fucking office block Or fucks up anyone's space I'll get billed for And told off I can imagine Pete getting told off by the building manager I'll be brought in to the fucking To the people here Listen We've seen Because evidently this is I mean there's a time code on this This is some sort of fucking CCTV shit It's going to be you painting a cark and I'll be the one that has to pay to have it fucking repainted and fucking removed.

16:11Oh, mate. That's so funny. So, I mean, have you got a response? I do have a response. Fucking state your name. Where are you from? Okay, that's kind of not... Sounds like Stormzy Fire in the park. Yeah. I mean, are you going to apologise? No, fuck no. No, fuck no. Do what I want when I want. Mate, it's parking space wars now. Is it? I'm parking it again today. Oh, excellent. Pay number 86. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I didn't know until. Yes. I left the space for you. Yeah, but I thought you were going to park it. I thought I just... You've left our space. Hold on. I parked my Pure gym today to leave it for you.

16:47I left mine for you. So let me get this right then. I was going to drive today, but thought there isn't a space because Josh uses it. Now, the space that I pay for is free because he's nicked someone else's and you're parking at the gym. Yeah. Yeah, I had to pay for it. What the fuck is wrong with this company? This is fucking perfect. Now we can all fit three. Josh, you're at Pure Gym. You're an 85. I'm an 86. Bish, bash, bosh. But your 86 isn't yours. Yeah, I know. It doesn't matter, mate. Until they forcibly move my car, we'll be fine. Or if they write a strongly worded review. Can you review?

17:20They have. It's there. They literally, we've literally just read it. We've just read the official complaint. And what you want is a review now. What do you want a review on? The parking? Yeah, I want a review on how. And it wasn't even straight. I want a review on how everyone's fucking, how every other building's responding to each other. But every other building is not parking in Bay 86. You are. He hasn't sent it round to everyone. All right, we'll park in Bay 87 then. Great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we've already fucked off Rob. Let's fuck off Denise from 87. I love how corporate we are now.

17:54We're going to have to do a Zoom.

17:59I've got another, I've got one more question before we move on quickly, Pete. have you ever sent a strongly like a negative review on anywhere? No, I turn up and tell you. Have you ever been on like Trustpilot? No. What? Can you imagine me? I can. Sat in the back of the plane being a bad experience. No, I've never complained as an afterthought. Oh, really? Yeah. If I've got an issue, I'm saying it there. So you've never like gone online and been like, no, people need to know. No. No. If I haven't said it there and then, time's gone. The moment's passed. Well, you've had a really shit stay and you don't want anyone else to go through what you went through.

18:40Then I'll say them as I'm leaving, checking out, that was a load of shite. All right, don't let anyone else go through that again. Shit. What if you had to do a review, right? Let's say something like popped up and you couldn't, like, you couldn't get out of it unless you had to write a review. Would you go, like, an in-depth review or would you just be like, yeah, it was all right? I wouldn't write a review. I would. Have you? Yeah. I'll tell you what, what have you wrote a review on? Aeroplane service. Aeroplane service? Yeah. What was the issue and how did it start? To whom it made you certain?

19:18They give you those smiley faces and you have to decide whether they're going to. Okay, that's not writing a review, that's pressing a button where it smiles. Yeah, that's what I do. And presumably what you did was smile. Yeah, every time. I don't want to be polite. So it's not, there you go, So it's not a review then, is it? I'll tell you who guaranteed presses the angry faces producer Pippa. I fucking guarantee. If ever there was a person that has wrote a complaint, it is the resident staying relevant Karen. Yeah, yeah.

19:45Are we wrong? You have, haven't you? Only a few times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course you would. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, wonderful. Jenny goes, boys, the book has been pre-ordered. She's buying the book. Go on, Jenny. Round of applause to Jenny, everybody. We've sold one. Jenny has pre-ordered the book. She goes, I'm so excited to read it, but please can you give us some hints of what we can expect? That's from Jenny. Well.

20:13Pro Football is back and so are the predictions. Trade yours on CalShe, America's number one prediction market platform. This Sunday, it's Denver versus Los Angeles with Denver currently trading at 46 % to win. Trade$100 and you could get$209 if they win. Download CalShe. Use code audio25 to get$25 when you trade$25. K-A-L-S-H-I. CalShe. Trade what's next. 18 plus only. Restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors. CalShe products are not available in all jurisdictions. Prices, values, and available markets may differ from those mentioned.

20:47For more information, see calshe.com slash regulatory. Therapy's biggest impact doesn't show up in some dramatic breakthrough. It shows up in the smallest moments. You bite your tongue instead of escalating. You put your phone down instead of firing off that text. You say what you actually mean instead of what would hurt someone else the most. Nobody applauds those moments, but they quietly change your life. That's what growing feels like. And that's exactly what Grow Therapy is here for. Grow is therapy that works, covered by insurance. Sessions average$21 with insurance and some pay as little as$0 depending on their plan.

21:25There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality licensed therapists across the U.S. offering both virtual and in-person sessions nights and weekends. You can search by what matters, like insurance, specialty, identity, or availability. And you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days, not the national 48-day average. See if you could pay as little as$0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash ACAST. That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.

22:09So you're not worried about hosting the whole family for the holidays? Why would I be? Wayfair had everything I needed to get the house holiday ready. What if Mike brings his cheerful dogs? My tree has tons of five-star reviews telling me how sturdy it is. But what if everyone's plus one brings a plus one? We'll see how extendable this extendable table really is. And extra chairs are on the way. Okay. What if there's a blizzard and everyone has to sleep over? Ready to go with extra bedding and towels. From guest-ready essentials to holiday decor you can trust, Wayfair delivers.

22:44Let me quickly, our PR is in the building at the moment, furiously scrolling through things that we said, being like, are you sure you want this in? Yes. So that should give you a good barometer of how full on it's going to be. Yes, the lawyers have been hard at work because, yes, we've gone rogue. So let's start with the fact that we've been very busy with the O2 and everything. The O2 is gone. We are now on book duty. The book is going to be coming out very, very soon. We've got a launch happening. There's lots of exciting things happening, but it is available for pre-order. We also, if you have a look at Stan Relevant and everything else, you'll be able to see the cover that we exclusively revealed at the O2 because that's going to be going up this week as well.

23:27So the book. The book. We did a book. And not just a book, an audio book as well. Yes, so it's the audio book. You're going to have special features on the audio book, just so you know. Do you know what I like about the audio book is really crazy. You've got Pete's dulcet tones. And then unlike just Pete, never enough, you also have Pete. You see, you've got Pete going like, yeah, and then you've got me going. You've got the screech on the other half. So you've got to put up with both of us. And there'll be some other voices in the Udo book, but the actual physical copy of the book, which I believe in years to come will be a collector's item.

23:59So get them quick. No, but on a serious note, we haven't really put anything out. We, you know, merch wise and all the rest of it. This is a chance for you to own a little piece of staying relevant. which we've worked on for the past few months. It's kind of our journey individually, then coming together and then experiencing the riding the storm together, I think is probably a good way of describing it. It's an autobiography. But it's funny, I will say that. I really fucking liked it. When we were doing the audiobook, I was cracking up. No, when we were writing, it was loads of fun to write. Yeah, it was fucking great.

24:37Cracking up as we were going as well, which is always a good sign. Literally. And it's the first time we've kind of done something like this together and put it kind of pen to paper. It is very much staying relevant. There are brand new kind of stories and things that you haven't heard. Our opinions, I think, is probably the most important part of it is our opinions on, you know, our lives, how we've got there, things that have happened previously, things that we want to achieve together, not individually. we haven't got long enough to go through how many world records Sam wants to break. So, yeah, and do you know what?

25:11It was a lot of fun. It's just a nice, do you know what it is? For us as well, it's a very proud moment because we've achieved a lot this year in terms of the O2, and this is the second part of it. So we would really like this to be a success. And obviously we have asked you for a lot of things monetary-wise in terms of the O2 and everything. But I want some more money. so pre-ordered the book I want you to enjoy as well yeah that too but I genuinely think and I mean this I genuinely think you're going to really fucking like it like we're really proud of it and we're the most self-critical when it comes to like our content and stuff like that I'm fucking proud of it yeah you're going to really like it yeah it is it is going to be very funny it's a good it's a good thing you know one of them things that you kind of pick up and you can't start yeah if you like the pod imagine that in written form and you're going to need to keep your eyes peeled there are some potential things coming up that you could get quite excited about and there is potentially going to be an opportunity for you to see us.

26:13Oh yeah. In order to do the book. And touch. No touching. Yeah, there might be touching. No touching. But yeah, you need to pre-order the book. Like genuinely, I mean that as well because it's going to be coming out very soon. It's going to be a good read. We're very proud of it. And there is a lot of unheard of stories isn't it's unearthed unearthed gold that i think you're gonna like this is also and i think this is something that you need to appreciate and it's something that you need to get your hands on is this is sam's first foray into being an author yeah it's a nervous time for all involved um yes it very not no no one more so than the lawyers and charlotte yeah p.r um yeah we we have named some names, put it that way.

27:02We absolutely have and they haven't all been redacted. No, no they haven't but they have been legally and factually correct. Just like to put that out. And most of what we say is just allegedly. We have something really fucking special as well that we're going to do that is going to signify the launch of this bad boy. Now I'm not going to let you in on it as of yet. Oh you tease me tease me, come on and tease me now. Nipples. Haven't done that for a while. But yeah, no, you're going to fucking love the launch that we're going to do for this book. What do you mean? We're doing a launch. We're doing a launch.

27:38Leave it to me. Just leave it to me. It's all good. You're organising a launch? I'm organising. Oh, for fuck's sake. I'm organising a book launch for all of us and maybe some others. It's going to be quite a big deal. There's going to be a lot of people there. We don't need to. I didn't even do a launch for my book. Pete, I want to be a Sunday Times bestseller alongside you. I didn't do a launch and I was an instant Sunday Times bestseller. I think we would like to be an instant Sunday Times bestseller. And there is a way that we're going to do that as the launch party. Well, when I go to bed at night as an instant Sunday Times bestseller.

28:11I always think about. I dream about being a two-time instant Sunday Times bestseller. But taking along my friend Sam Thompson, we share everything together. And I can't have that accolade without him. We share some world records. We do, we do. So it'd be nice to foray into the author's world with your best mate and be instant Sunday Times bestsellers together. But that can only happen if you give us your money. Oh, please, please let me be a book person. So look, this has been, this will really round off our year. I'm going to be honest with you, this has been a big year for Sam 11. We sold out the O2.

28:49We finally won an award as a podcast. if I think this will be the hat trick. Oh, my God. If you can get us into the Sunday Times bestselling. Imagine, right, just think about this. People in that list consist of people like Stephen Fry, like incredible authors. Imagine looking down that list and seeing Sam Thompson and Pete Wicks staying relevant. Couple of ****. That's not the name of the book. but yeah if we can do that I mean just imagine the list oh I would love it I'd love to be sat next to like sort of like Roald Dahl and just be like hey man we're in this party too I don't think he's still producing books is he dead?

29:33I believe he is dead oh right okay fine but you know one of those big book people imagine us at an author's oh my god an author's award ceremony I mean I went to book awards last year the National Book Awards I want to be there with you as Never Enough was was was nominated, didn't win, but was nominated. Imagine, do you know what? Maybe we'll keep writing books like we've done with the pod until we win an award. Until we win an award. No, we're going to win an award for this book. Listen, we've got loads of awards to lose with this book, but the only way it'll even get nominated is if it hits the Sunday Times bestseller list.

30:05And we'll turn up in a limo. We'll do the whole fucking shebang. Because it would be incredible if this little podcast could hit that list as well. We're trying to make waves in the audio fucking podcast world. now we're foraying into books who knows what's next after fucking 15 years of work it could be TV it's going to be America we're going to America yeah let's we'll start with you know we haven't conquered the UK quite yet yeah but we're going to conquer America okay right because that'll be easier than the UK yeah I genuinely think I need to speak to you about it but I want to go to LA with you for a year sorry?

30:42I want to go to LA with you for a year I do We'll talk about that later. Yeah. I really, really, really do. I want to go to LA with you for a year. And I'm not even joking. And I want to go in. I want me and Pete to go into loads of castings. And I want us to. So you now want to be an actor? I want us to act. And I want us to do Saturday night TV. Like James Corden did. So we're going to go for a year. All right. I feel like there's a social video coming up of Sam's plan to crack America. Yeah. The time is now. I can fucking feel it. and we're not getting any younger. It's going to be now. Well, I mean, yeah.

31:23No one's getting any younger. But we're, you know, we've still got youth on our side. One half of us still has youth on the side. The happy half is still young. Imagine us just doing keg stands at like college parties and stuff. Sam, I'm not going to a college party. Why? Well, you're not going to a college party. If we go stateside, you are definitely... Look at me. What's wrong with that? You can get away with it. We'll dress you... That doesn't sound great. That doesn't sound great, does it? We'll get away with it. Buy the book quickly before I try and get away with something at a college party.

32:00All right? Buy it now whilst I'm, you know, I'm on the outside. Anyway, right, question time. Question time. Question time. What have we got? Right, here we go. So would you rather give up all condiments or kissing, Peter? All right. So what? Because it was sex and kissing last time, and now it's condiments or kissing. So your ketchup, your mayo. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Your HP sources. Sorry, sorry. Where is the connection between condiments and kissing? Just two things that you love, you know. All right. HP source for a tongue. What would you rather give up? I'd give up condiments. Tables or curtains?

32:45Oh, probably curtains. Why are you answering like that? It's a stupid question. Probably curtains, I'd say. It's a stupid question. All right, condiments or kissing? What's your favourite condiment? Salt and pepper. That's actually quite a fair point, actually, to be fair. All right, so are you a ketchup guy? Not really. Okay, so would you rather, what would you give up? Salt and pepper or kissing?

33:13Salt and pepper. Really? You love a smooch that much? Well, it's not that I love a smooch that much. I just sort of think fundamentally, you know, it's more important for, you know, salt and pepper doesn't make me hard. Oh, well, yeah, it depends. When we say something, if we're talking about that, you know, but that's not technically a condiment. that produces a condiment from me. So you'd give up condiments then? Yes. I'd probably give up kissing. I love my HP sauce. God, whoever ends up with you is one lucky bitch. No, no, no, no, we can't kiss. I gave it up. I'll have HP on that though. I can't tell you what I'm going to.

34:06What is your favourite condiment? HP sauce. It's your favourite condiment. Out of all the sauces in the world, your favourite is HP. Love it. All right, what sort of things do you have it on? Well, everything. I have it on my baked cutties. I have it with my, if I have chicken Kievs, I'll have it with my sausages. Chicken Kievs? Yeah, my sausages. So a garlic chicken Kiev. Yeah, mate, with HP sauce. Are you having a laugh? No, I'm not. Are you? No, I'm not having a laugh. I'm being deadly serious. Okay, all right. Okay, so favourite sauce is HP. What's your favourite kiss? Type of kiss? Love a French kiss.

34:40Right. That's the one, the tongues, isn't it? An open mouther. Well, yeah, I mean, it's hard to use your tongue with your mouth closed. Yeah, I like an open mouth teeth smasher.

34:56Like a horse neighing. Okay, all right. And, I mean, how much tongues are you generally? I don't know, man. Like just, you know, sometimes I like to start slow and then end up sort of quick. what sort of what do you mean no I start do you know what I was actually saying this recently I start right my kissing strapping with my mouth pretty closed right what like okay and then I'll tell you what just imagine because we've all seen it in the films show us but if we can get the camera so you need to just come so the camera can see it from the no no no you're not kissing Josh on the back of your hand alright so I'll go No, no, no, no, no, no.

35:37Wait till he's ready. And also get the right angle so that we can see. I want to see from the side. I got that, right? So let's say that's their mouth. Back of the hands like that. Right, yeah. That's their mouth, right? So what I'll do is I'll start with quite pursed lips. So you just start? Yeah, like that. Just touching? Yeah. And then what I'll do is as it gets more aggressive, not aggressive, that's a bad word, not aggressive, like as it gets more passionate, right, what I'd then do is open the gate. So the troops can come out. Yeah, like that. Like it's crocodile. Like a crocodile waiting to sun itself.

36:13So now you've given us the sort of the - Well, now I'm panicking because I feel like I'm getting it wrong. Well, no, that's the audio description of it. So what Sam likes to do is purse his lips, press them against peeps, and then slowly start opening the gates so the troops can come out. Made me panic. I just, I like a kiss. Okay, excellent. Josh, please take a sec. I've gone so red. What do you, wait, quick question. How do you kiss? You have to do the visual, but like... Thank you. Do you do like, do you start with like a, do you like build up as a crescendo or do you just start hard? Much like people, every kiss has a different personality.

36:56And different stories to tell. Yeah, it depends. It depends on the moment. It depends on what the situation is because there are so many factors that go into it. but there's so many kind of anomalies that create a good kiss at the right time. There are different kisses for different times. Yeah. I got called vanilla recently. Is that why you've gone Satsuma?

37:20You've got sort of gone cumin. I thought he'd be vanilla. I was like, Oh no, this you haven't been called vanilla. What you give off the impression of vanilla, but beneath that, there is an aftertaste of sexy devil. No, it was just the pre-presumption. To be fair, mate, if you watch you in anything, the presumption is my guy's a virgin. Do I look vanilla to you? Do I look vanilla to everyone? But you can't ask me because I know you. Quite often what I get asked and quite often what people say to me is I couldn't think of anything worse. I cannot imagine him ever having sex.

38:08but I know you and I always go, oh, you don't know about that boy. Yeah. Yeah. He's disgusting. So. Pippa's literally like, this is all going on. No, this will stay in. Yeah. Someone actually said it to me the other day. Well, I can't, I can't imagine ever going near him. Just said my idea of hell was the actual phrase. I can't tell you it is. I'll tell you after. Do I know them? Oh. Like, makes me feel physically sick, the idea of that. Not you as a person, but the idea of that. But then I literally said to her, I went, he's a, listen, he's a boy. He nicks a bird. But that's a good thing, mate, because you're hiding a dirty little secret, all right?

38:56And that's a fucking good thing. Whereas I imagine they'd have a good night.

39:05they have a good night. Yeah. And they absolutely will. Well, actually on that note, okay, let's just move this quong really quickly on that note. What's the most un-Pete Weeks? What's the most un-Pete Weeks thing about Pete Weeks that would ruin his reputation if we all found out? I think about this all the fucking time. Well, I would love for you to be like a closet gamer. Imagine Pete that goes home, turns on like the PlayStation. PlayStation. And I secretly go home and just sort of like, I'm there playing fucking Dungeons and Dragons. And you hear the like, ding, and the PlayStation turn on, and he just sits with his little headset and his controller.

39:44It would just be the best thing. I think the most un-Pete Wicks thing about me is that actually I'm quite a nice person. I imagine the fact that I do love Disney is probably up there. We have spoken about that before. I imagine that's quite an un-me thing. Rom-com? No, no, no, no. Don't push it. Ice skating. No. A brisk walk picking pumpkins. No, no, fucking no, no. We're going the wrong way here, aren't we? Yeah. I'm trying to think what else is. If you had like a teddy bear. No. No, I didn't even have them as a kid. I had sticks. One of the team's friends, who hasn't been named, said at the O2 after party they were surprised that you smelt so nice.

40:30I get that one a lot, actually. That is an issue. That's an issue. You're not saying you woke up in a weenie bed. Everyone, genuinely, if they have not met me, they assume that I stink for some reason, that I look unwashed and just stinks of ****, like fucking, I don't know, just ****. And actually... Pags and ****.

40:59Actually, I... Girl-groomed. I would hope that I smell quite nice. Yeah. I actually pride myself on the fact that I smell fairly good. Surprised as well. So that's probably the most un-Pete Wicks thing. He likes Disney and he washes. He smells and he smells. I've got a fact. What's the most un-Sam Thompson thing, other than that you've been a dirty ****? What is the most un-Sam Thompson thing about Sam Thompson? I don't smell. DNA, genetically. I've never had BO. No, but you mask it with not wiping shit. So there's always an odour around. I've never smelt. I've never used deodorant in my life.

41:39But I don't think that's an un-Sam Thompson thing because I kind of think people just kind of go, yeah, that's a Sam thing. The same. I think the... I don't really know about Sam. It's tough because you give everything away at every given opportunity. Yeah, everyone knows me. Yeah. I actually think that is probably the thing. in all honesty, not even just taking the piss, that actually you can nick a bird. I think, and I know that sounds bad, but that is the most un-Sam Thompson thing. Sam, don't struggle. Like, I know you like to talk about it, but listen, you know, Sam knows how to treat a girl good.

42:15You know, you just saw his kissing game. There's one more, which you just glossed over. Did Sam ever attend another SR Production Monday meeting? Well, it's because I got told to go home. So I was like, you know what? Fuck them. I tried to fucking attend a Monday meeting this week. So let's, all right, next Monday, Sam is going to run the Monday meeting. Oh, my God. I would fucking love to do that. If we can, guys, I'll put up a fucking spreadsheet. So on Monday at 10 a.m. is the Monday meeting, which will be chaired by co-owner of Staying Redmond Productions for the first time, Sam Thompson. Right, what's everyone's...

42:59So what needs to happen pre is an agenda. Yeah, I've got an agenda already. Well, I've got another idea as well. I think we need to buy a couple more mopeds. You already have. Oh, OK, cool, they're on their way. He's got three more coming. Why have we bought five? We've got five mopeds on the way because we're about to do a real... No, we haven't. We've got three because there's two already here. We're going to have five mopeds. Excellent, yeah. These electric mopeds for kids. it's good to see that we are using company profits wisely we're going to make the best digital content we've ever seen in your fucking life let me prepare you I don't want to spoil the surprise but it will be five of the team riding an electric moped five adults riding mopeds down the corridors don't blink or you'll miss it right, should we say goodbye?

43:47thank you so much for listening we love you so, so much with all our hearts and our joy and our fibers of our being. If you want to feature in the podcast, then email the worst email address in the world, which is hello at srproductions.co.uk. Rate, review, follow, all of that crap at Staying Redmond Podcast. And we'll be back on Monday with a main episode. Goodbye. We love you so much. This has been a Staying Relevant production. Pro Football is back and so are the predictions. Trade yours on CalShe, America's number one prediction market platform. This Sunday, it's Denver versus Los Angeles with Denver currently trading at 46 % to win.

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46:34Hello, Relevanters. We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog Marry Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We're sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.

47:13Thank you.