Shxts N Gigs Confessed WHAT??

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1:57Welcome to I get nervous to do it in front of people for some reason I've never like you know it's like I just I'm not going to look at This isn't part of the thing he genuinely says You're good bro take as many takes as it takes Well now everyone knows who you are Okay Right Welcome to Staying Relevant the podcast host by two best friends Pete Hang on You've got to read the script for your intro Mate I still How many times have you done it? Just the 250 episodes or so, Dan, it's fine. All right, now take your time, bro. Yeah, go again. We're not even here. No, no, no, do you know what? No, fuck it.

2:25Whatever, I'm putting it down. Oh, shit. Here we go. Yeah, go. That's better. Welcome to Staying Relevant, the podcast. You can't laugh while I've even started, mate. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. I'm hot. I shouldn't have worn this today. Take it off. I've got a vest on the knees. Relax, bro. That's all right, mate. He's sat here in a fucking vest before. I've seen clips No we're not coming skis Let's go skis Let's go skis No because I actually really am hot What are you going to fucking do it No I won't do it He's got a vest on I don't give a fuck what he's wearing Shouldn't have worn a fucking woolly jumper should he I'd wear the vest Good man do it Welcome to Staying Relevant The podcast hosted by two best friends Me Sam Thompson and Peter James Jonathan Joseph Wicks that was it that was my is that your real name no oh okay cool just Pete Wicks okay okay he just likes to pry him in sometimes there's a Josiah all sorts of stuff just Jeremiah Jeremiah okay cool cool this is the bonus episode which means it is Thursday that this comes out and you'll be able to watch this on Josh and Keira's YouTube channel from 5pm on Sunday and then the main episode which came out audibly on Monday you can now watch on Josh and Keira's YouTube channel as of 5pm last night, which is Wednesday, which means you can catch us on a Monday, Thursday, Sunday.

3:50Wonderful. As this is the bonus episode, this is mostly about you, but this is a very special bonus episode because we have guests. As always, this episode will contain swearing. If you don't like it, go f*** yourself. Yes. No alcohol, just water today. Yeah, normally Pete likes a beer or two. Okay. No one knows who you're talking to yet. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Please welcome. I've wanted them on this podcast for so goddamn long. It's the host of Shits and Gigs podcast, Jason Fuad, everybody. Let's go. Come on. Boys, I've wanted you here for so long. I appreciate it, bro. Thank you. Your energy is amazing, man.

4:24Yes. Same. Yeah. I mean, you've just had sort of 10 minutes of it. Try it seven days a week for 24 hours a day. To be fair, though, I'm seeing like comparisons. Who's who? This is like, yeah. Right. You're very free. You give massive energy. Are we together? Not like that. No, obviously not like that. but like, yeah, we're in sync. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take your jump off. I'm tempted. Just for context, if you put them two bits together, are we together? Take your jump off. Take your top off. Why do I sound really aggressive? Take your top off. Consentially, of course, mate. How long is the episode usually?

5:02Like 40 minutes. 40 minutes, 45 minutes. I can keep it on. You reckon you can survive three hours? If it's three hours, I'm taking it off. Get your tits out. It's fine. No, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine, it's fine. How about you, five? It's good, it's good. It's good, it's good. We're good. We got this beat. Yeah, boys, thanks for coming in. Thanks for having us, man. I think there is slight similarities based on the fact that you two are best mates and so are we, supposedly. But you've been doing it longer. Best mates or the pod? Well, both, I think, in terms of the pod and being best mates.

5:34How are you two still getting on? Because we're struggling. No, we're not, don't say that. Oh, I'm not supposed to tell people. We're not struggling. We're having a fucking great time. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. What the hell? Why are you best friends? May I ask? It's a fucking question I ask myself every day, mate. Yeah. I'm being dead ass though. Like, how comes? Because you weren't even on the same show or anything. Well, we met on a show. Oh. Yeah. We met on Slebs Go Dating. Interesting. One of the 54 times that I did it. Yeah. Twice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Still single. But yeah. One of the times I did it.

6:05And he just attached himself to me and then wouldn't leave me alone. And persistence sort of pays off. and then out of that obviously a pod was born. Used to was uni, no? Yeah. How long ago was that? First day of uni. Yeah, it was like 16 years ago, something like that. Nearly half our lives. And you just go, I like, look at you. Yeah, because he was black. And there was, he was the only other black guy. Literally, it's because I was black. There was three of us, me and then our other friend who's still our best friend. And then I came in late to the first lecture and I was like, white, white, white, white, white.

6:36And then they were chatting. And I was like, cool, two black guys. And then I heard them talk about basketball. I was like, I like basketball. Yeah, there we go. And then friends ever since. Do you know what I love about that? I've always done the same thing with a hand up. I like basketball. I like dating. Let's do that. That is very you coded, actually. It is. The first time me and Pete met was actually when I was really screwing up with a girl. Yeah. And I was basically like tripping over my words and stuff like that. And I went over to Pete and I'm really, really fucking struggling over here.

7:03And I'd never met him before. And he was like, just give me the eyes. Nice. And I can still do it to this day. No, that's not it. No. That can't have been it. I know what. That can't have been it. That can't have been it. No, chin to the chest. No, no, no. No, it's not. No. Yes. I can't have been it. No. I refuse, bro. That's like a vomit face. What? Yeah. I can't have been it, bro. Which is weirdly what they did in return. Oh. Yeah, valid. We've been stuck to each other ever since then. Then we started doing some TikToks together. Nice. Like an inflatable outfit, some dancing. Have you ever done inflatable outfit dancing together?

7:34No. It's never crossed my mind. Never crossed mine. I just managed to do it just to shut him up. And that was, yeah, what, eight years ago now? Eight. How long have you been? Really? That's a long time. You've been friends for eight years? Together for? Together, chill. Sorry. Double. Double, yeah. 16. 16 years. 16 years. 16 years. Do you think we'll make it 16 years? 100%. I don't see why not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unless one of us dies. Well, in which case that's going to be me, isn't it? We all know. So you boys, I would love to know what you boys looked like when you were, like, how old are you now?

8:05Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh no, now you've done math on 16 years. How old are you? No, guess, have a guess. How old do you think? Don't do math in your head, just take a wild stab. Fine, gonna go for it. 36. Okay. 34. 34, 35, 35. I went old, I'm gonna be honest with you, I went old. You don't look it, you don't look it, you look brilliant. Backtracking. The backtrack is brutal. 18. Oh shit, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Quick maths. Oh Jesus. Fair play. And you boys call yourself short kings, don't you? We don't call ourselves short kings. I think we get called short kings and then we attach that to our label.

8:43How do you feel about, you know, being called short kings? Well, I feel fine. Yeah. I feel pretty cool. I feel confident. I feel all right. I mean, you're the shorter one. I'm actually not. And I'm taller than both of you. So, am I not? How tall are you? He doesn't want to stand up now. You're 5 '11". Yeah. You're not even short. Hold on. There we go. All right, let's fucking do this. We need to do it because we're getting short-kicks. All right, let me get my shoes back on. Come last. Oh, you're getting comfortable. Yeah, I'm really warm. Yeah, get your shoes off, man. I know you want extra height on that.

9:13Oh, no, no, no, no. You have to do shoes on. I've got bangs on. I'll take shoes off. Frats are thicker than these. Fuck off. Yes, they are. Oh, no, these are thicker. No, they're not. You have to do shoes off. All right, come on, boys. Shoes off. Shoes off. Shoes off. Shoes off. Shoes off. Shoes off. Shoes off. I feel like we're having slumber parties. This is sick. Okay, chin up, chest up. Who's the tallest? Oh, Pete, you might be the tallest. What's up, mate? You're on tiptoe. Sam's tiptoeing, I saw you go. I'm the tallest. I'm the tallest. What? James the who? Nah, James. All right, all right.

9:44It's between us two. It's not Sam. It's not Sam. You're not doing this, man. It's not the same Sam Street. Ooh. You're tiny, mate. What? Who is it? I think you're second, Pete. Oh, all right, I'll take it. I actually don't know between 3Lad and 3Lad. Take your hair out of it. Yeah, put the clip down. I actually think 3Lad. Next 3Lad. Let's go. So why do you get called short kings, mate? Do you guys not? You're not even small. Yeah. Do we get small? Listen, we're basically, this is like the Shire. It's four Hobbits that do the podcast at this point. Yeah, we were, that competition was embarrassing.

10:22It was, it was, it was. I've got a question for you then, boys. Does that mean that everyone underneath six foot is just a short kick? Well, basically, yeah. Ask these lot. Ask the ladies. Ask the ladies. I mean, they don't have loads of choices, so. Oh my God. No. What? What? Come on, have a look. They're stunning. What the fuck are you talking about? No, no, no. Come on, have a look. Have a look.

10:49No! What? What?

10:54Come on, you've got eyes. So, this short king thing. You haven't seen Hannah's hair yet. Oh my God. Fucking hell. No. No. See, that's what I'm... This is the problem. So I make a joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just tries to go, yeah, they're fucking ugly. Right, fine. Okay, back to the script. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so we get called short kings as well. Okay. We recently did a thing about this. Have you heard about this nightclub in London? Nope. I know what you're gonna say. I think I know what you're gonna say. I mean, above six foot can get him. I saw that on Instagram. The fuck are. What do you think about that?

11:29So yeah, Sam - How do you think I feel about it? That's heightism. It is, isn't it? I mean, you two are fucked. We've got chance. We have, I think we can, we could finesse it. Do you remember them old like Alexander McQueen trainers? Mm-hmm. With the little - To be fair, these - Air forces. We did a shoot for JD not long ago. And I was wearing Air Forces and they measured us and I came up as 6 '1". I came up 5 '11". Oh, no. Okay. So I need to start wearing Air Force 1. If we're going to go to the club, Air Force 1 pays. Yeah, I'm going to be honest. I think we should all... I actually want to go to this club and see if they actually turn me away.

12:01Because let's say we go... Let's say we actually turn up, right? As a fool. Okay. And they do just go, sorry, boys, you're too small. Yeah. Like, how would you respond to the bouncer who says that? Would you argue with him and be like, no, no, fair enough. Well, the first one I'm being like, Sam, why did you do this when you knew this was going to happen? Why are we all here embarrassing ourselves when it literally - This is exactly what I said. There's nothing worse than being turned away from a club, let alone going somewhere where you know you're not going to get in. You know you're not going to get in.

12:25You're still going, is it because I'm short? Like, wanker. Yeah, not tonight. Yeah, facts. I'm going to be humiliated. Also, I'm going to be the shortest one in there if they do let me in. Well, we won't. Oh, yeah, you, man, will be the shortest ones in there. That's just a really good point. We'll be ferreting around trying to get bitches. I don't think I've ever said bitches. Also, just remember the birds. Oh, yeah, shit. You won't be getting bitches with your mates. No, of course not. No, no, no, no. In a make-believe world, what I'm saying is, yeah. Not a world that you want to live in, just a hypothetical.

13:00Yeah, a very hypothetical. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool, cool, cool, cool. I mean, if you could pick a height, what would it be? We've had this discussion before. I don't want to go too far. I'd say like 6 '2". Why? Because it's just like, how do I say? I don't want to be the tall guy. Yeah. I just want to be like a normal guy. And they're like, oh, you actually are taller than I thought. That's what I would like. I don't want to be like the tall guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd say 6 '3", because my dad's 6 '3". Do you know what's really annoying? Oh, you got fucked over. Yeah, I did. It's peak. My dad and his twin are 6 '3".

13:30My dad's dad was 6 '7". Oh! Yeah. My mum's dad's vertically challenged. Yeah. A person of restricted growth. Like, we get, and there's nothing wrong with this, by the way. Oh, God. There's nothing wrong with this. All right. But we get called a couple quite a lot. Oh, okay. As if we're in sort of like a sexual relationship. Maybe by Sam. And do you guys as a duo, because I feel like we can't really talk about this to anyone else. Do you get like, you guys are sort of like sucking each other off? That's crazy. No, not have you. As in like, do you get spoken to like you are both like a couple? Oh, yeah.

14:08Actually, I wouldn't say spoken to. I'll say in the comments. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yes. Yes. Okay. The comments. No one comes up to me and goes, how does Pete's dick taste? Because I don't quite know yet. Yes. Yes, it's crazy. Yes, it's crazy. He's not letting me in yet. I'm giving him a hand job. That's about it. See, I don't do this though. I don't do this. That's a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a lot. That's unfair to you. You're still liking that fucking energy, are you? Yeah, yeah. That's a lot. That's a lot. Excellent. After this, he'd be fucking taking you to the toilet, fucking tossing.

14:35Yeah, don't start on me. You know, I just said, that's unfair to your co-host. It's unbelievable. But no, whenever I go anywhere, because obviously we do so much together. Whenever everyone goes up, where's Sam? As if he's fucking attached to me nonstop. Oh yeah, we get that. We get that a lot. I can't do anything about, oh yeah, where's Fjord? Where's Fjord? What's the response? Does it fuck you off? Yeah, it's annoying. I'm just like, at home. Living his life away from me. But then what makes it worse is that there is like, law with us about our other friend called Toby, who fjord spends time with sometimes.

15:10and then there was a whole kickoff about that. Why? Have you got custody of one of your friends between like joint custody? It's not a custody thing. It's not a custody thing. It was just - It's all our friends by the way. Yeah, they're all our friends, but there was a period of time a couple of years ago when Fuad, because Fuad used to live in Manchester. When he moved back to London, he was spending a lot of time with Toby and then he would hear me about it and tell me about it and I'll get jealous. And then there was this whole kind of backstory around that. Fallout Toby? No, I love Toby. I was just jealous of what was going on without me.

15:37You see, you love Toby. You just don't love when Fuad - Yeah, I don't, there's no reason why they should be hanging out when I'm not there. I completely understand. Yeah, exactly. Why are you not invited? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, because I imagine they probably could have invited you to like Nandos, wherever it was. Easily, easily, easily. Yeah, so, but they were just hanging out. But then do you ever think to yourself, there's obviously a reason they didn't, so maybe you should look at yourself. Oh. I'm just saying, you know, you've got to look at, you've got to look at two different sides.

16:03I may have. Did it make you question? I glanced at that page. I glanced at it and I was like that doesn't even make sense why wouldn't he that doesn't make sense so yeah so more time now when people stop me they'll be like I'll whisper you I don't know I'll probably be with Toby right so how much did you and Toby used to slag him off never when you were together no never in a million years I mean this is an open it's an open forum I would never slag my boys off it's a safe space man it's never never gonna happen I sometimes just feel that about you I slag you off all the time I know but you hang on I get that though a few people we do get that I get that energy though but also We don't have that problem because, well, I can't stand on you, mate.

16:40That's so true. He hates my mates. Really? What's wrong with them? They're just posh. Fair. I wouldn't like that either. We're playing golf and we're so like, fuck off then and play golf. I have a game of golf. Don't you? I do. I like a game of golf. What does your average Saturday look like? I get out and walk the cats, go and buy some flowers for the girlfriend, you know, from the market, all fresh. Go and get organic coffee. Go for a run and then I'll just call someone. let my Strava know and tell everyone that I'm fucking running. Go home, cook a couple of steaks for the girlfriend, watch Lord of the Rings.

17:12I'm in bed by nine. Lord of the Rings is lit. Yeah, my boy. Yeah. Lord of the Rings is pretty lit. He just hit me bang on. Really? That is literally my Saturday, yeah. Okay. I like trying to be wholesome. Nice. And you know, if there is sort of like a nice walk to be had, I'll do it. Do you know what I love as well? I love a view. I really like a view. Okay, okay. So I was like, yeah, I was about to go to the Embankment River, just go and have a look at the sort of just watch. Oh, fucking, you're a voyeur now. Yeah, I just like a view, mate. I like, sometimes I take photos of views. I do that.

17:42Yeah, see if you're at that. I'm a photographer. You're a photographer. I'm not a photographer. I like to take pictures. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I like a wholesome Saturday for me. It's sort of, yeah, it's just a relaxed sort of thing. What does your Saturday look like? I get up, walk the dogs, have a couple of coffees, sit down, stare at a wall, switch my phone off, chill out till Sunday. Can I be honest? Wow. It's the exact same fucking shit. Get over yourself. Get over yourself. That's the exact same day. Yeah, but my view is the best answer I've ever heard. It is. It's the same day, bro. It's just less things.

18:22It's less wholesome. I'm drunk when I do it. Oh, okay, fair. Pete's just an alcoholic. That's more... Peter, that's sad. Peter, that's sad. Fucking hell. My ears picked up. I didn't call that when I'm done St. Rock. James Fillingham's what? I feel like I should apologise to you at this point. That was a disappointment, genuine disappointment. Mate, James, let me tell you something, mate. Every single Christmas, I will get me, my sister, and my mum to invite Pete round for Christmas dinner. Yeah. None of us ever get a reply. My poor mother, she will message Pete, being like, mate, do you want to come round?

18:57Yeah, but I pop round and see her Christmas Eve. She does fancy Pete. Oh. Yeah, yeah, no, no, yeah. She actually genuinely does fancy Pete. The center that empties his sec. No, see, that's where it's too far. Disrespectful to his co-host is what that is. Yeah, that is. No, no. Does one of your mothers fancy each other? Nope. No. No. Did one of you fancy one of your friends? No. No. Not at all. No. What was this? Do you fancy someone's mum? No, no. I'm just saying to say. Is your mum hot? No, she's good looking. Is that weird? Maybe that's weird. Is it like... Pete's down, bro. Is your mum actually banging?

19:32No, she's not banging. She's my mum. When she was when you were in school was your boys like, Yeah, all my mates were like, Really? Can we see a picture of your mum? No, that's not. I've got a number. Oh, yeah. Damn. Yeah, run it up. I want to show you that one. Oh, fuck that dude. Right, you're ready for this. Yeah, he's gone red. That's absolutely fine. Yeah. Damn, he's gone red as fuck. Yeah, that sounds mortifying. Yeah, I wouldn't be too. That's my mum. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. You're not going to be able to find it. Right, this is, yeah, this is Sam. me and Karen. Oh, wait. It looks like we're about to...

20:09It's a weird photo. See, it's tough for you now because if you say, oh, no, then it's disrespectful. Nah, fair enough. I can see. Yeah, nice. Oh, mum listens to this podcast as well every episode. How are you, Karen? Oh, no. Mum, I love you so, so much. Right. So much. Well, I mean, there you go. This is kind of ties into where we go. So the bonus episode, we generally do like dilemmas from people that write in and all that sort of stuff. Okay, cool. which you guys do quite a similar thing. But I imagine your advice is probably better than ours. Why would you think that? I just, you just seem more stable than us.

20:41Less unhinged. You're cross-legged like you do meditation, James. No, to be fair, you know what it is? This is why we intentionally have less comfortable chairs than our studio. So we don't like. So we don't like get snoozy and shit. So this is like a treat. Yeah, this is really, really nice. It's the first time anyone's come into this studio and said this is a treat. It is though. Really? I think it's a treat. We're honoured to be here. Yeah, honestly. We're honoured to have you. Really? Yeah. You're so gassed. I'm so gassed. How excited was Owen coming in? Yeah. Boys, I'm a massive fan of you.

21:11Thank you, bro. Those are the best ones because everyone has guests that they just kind of get through it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's nice to be excited. Yeah, man. But no, I'm happy that you're excited because that makes us want to like try our best.

21:27Oh my God, I'm going home. Shit. It's being taken away. Yeah. Right. First dilemma then that's come in. Someone's just found out that a fiance's... Sorry, my socks are real dirty and that's quite sweaty. Sorry. That's not the dilemma. Someone's found out their fiance's cheating. They've ended things. But colleague he's been cheating with is also due to get married in six weeks. How would you deal with it? Say that one more time. So someone has just found out their fiance's cheating. We've ended things, but the colleague he's been cheating with, so the fiance has been cheating with someone at work, is also getting married in six weeks time.

22:07So they're obviously a fiance as well. Did you cheat on your missus? I'm putting myself in the situation. Role play, bro. Sorry, this is, oh, right. Okay. I'm the guy you've cheated on with. No, I'm not. Okay. Now you've over complicated. Let me land. Let me land, bro. Just let these guys work it out. Yeah. Yeah, I cheated on my girl. Yes. And unfortunately, yeah. But the person I cheated on my girl with is also getting married. Right. In six months. Yes. What do you say to my girl? How do you console her? What's the situation? What do I say to the one that... What? Who am I in this? Your friend.

22:43You're my brethren. I'm confiding in you, bro. And I need to find out if I need to tell the groom as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What happens? How do you even unpack this? To be fair, I'm not a snitch. Okay. I'm actually not a snitch. So you're just going to ride up? I'm just going to keep quiet Okay Yeah Okay let's say you were a snitch Then yeah I'm going straight to the groom Yeah but how are you going to Finster What's Finster? Fake Instagram Create a fake Instagram account Yeah And then start messaging the groom to be Oh I don't even know I'm one of them I'm going to do another one Fair Yeah but I'm saying If I was a snitch If he was a snitch Right so That's how snitch a snitch Anonymous Anonymous receipts So you're not telling though realistically Let's say No he is No, but if you weren't a snitch, you wouldn't.

23:29So, Peter - Well, no, he's just hiding behind. So, basically, what he's doing is he's now trolling. Yeah. Yeah. So, leave him be a snitch, be a troll. Me being me, I actually wouldn't say anything. If I was the type of person to say something, that's how I would say it. Yeah. Fair enough. I wouldn't say a thing. I'm not saying a thing. I turn up to the wedding, mate. I'm the vicar. I'm turning up to the wedding. I'm putting on a vicar's outfit at that wedding going, Does anyone object? Because I fucking do. And I'll tell you exactly why. You don't have to be a vicar to object. You could just be a guest.

23:59Yeah. There's no value to get the diet. It would be quite fun to sort of like get revenge that heavy. That takes prep though. Yeah, I like prep. Yeah, but that's so much energy wasted. You know, I feel like in your own mind, not you specifically, in one's own mind, the revenge seems cool. Yeah. Until you have to come home and then be like, guess what I did on Saturday? Yeah. I planned to infiltrate this wedding so I could object. I got myself all fully dressed. I got all day in. I bought a date and all this thing, just so I could ruin this wedding because this is what happened. And then him being like, that's pathetic.

24:34Literally. No wonder she cheated on you. Shit. So this is a real life dilemma from Sam actually, because we've just dealt with this on the pod. Okay. Sam has got a lovely girlfriend, really stunning girl. And I'm going to be really honest with you, punching. He's punching. Oh, fuck yeah. She's not Fair dude Do you feel like you're punching? Yeah Nice that's cool Yeah and she's lovely Really lovely girl They were out for dinner at the weekend We spoke about this on the pods last week And as they were leaving the restaurant A man grabbed her arm And said you're the most beautiful Oh yeah yeah yeah You're the most beautiful Literally You're the most beautiful guy I've ever seen It would be wrong for me to let you leave here Without asking for your number Sam was with her She then went Oh that's my boyfriend and Sam didn't know what to do, didn't say anything, so smiled and waved.

25:28And then the guy went, really? And that's how it ended. To be fair, I think that's low-key alpha, dude. I'm not going to lie to you. Tell me exactly why. Yeah, because like, you're nerfing yourself in purpose. No, it wasn't on purpose, he just didn't know what to do. You're nerfing yourself on purpose. Okay, we're going with on purpose. Sorry, I didn't realise you were trying to save him there. Sorry, I just thought, what a fucking cuck. Yeah, you're cucking yourself intentionally so he can be like, what the fuck? So then you could just stroll out there and be like, yeah, what the fuck? That's my girl, bro.

25:57And then, yeah, that's my girl, bro. And he's just going to be left like, how is this my reality? Yeah, what universe am I living in that this piece of shit gets to go home with her? And then you'd be like, yeah, bro. Of course I do. Yeah. I'm sad. Yeah, I'm sad. I'm sad, bro. I'm sad, man. That's exactly how I feel. Sam I am, dude. Do you know what? I'm just hanging out. Can I ask you a question? Can I make anything you need? After you guys left, what did you say to your missus or what do your missus say to you after that encounter? That's a really good question. But when you got home or whatever, that's a really good question.

26:25I turned around to her when we got in the cab and I went, did I, did I do, it was that like. Did I do good? Did I use it? No. Oh, it's worse. You didn't tell me that. You don't need to cuck for her. No, I just went. Did I do good? No, I was just like, I was like. Mummy, did I do good? No, I just said to her. Did I make you proud? I went is should I have done something differently there as she was like no It's just that's fun. She's like I get it all the time. I just fucking tell

27:13Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was like, I can handle myself. And I was like, oh cool, fair enough. I don't need a man. I don't need a man. I can handle myself. She's a strong independent woman. Oh my God. Yeah. Do you bench press? Oh, stop. I think, you know, he's in decent shape. You are in decent shape, but do you bench press? I do bench press. Okay, cool. Yeah, man, just throw that weight around. Yeah, bro. I'm actually not, I'm quite light though, to be fair. How much do you weigh? Can I guess? Yeah, go.

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29:4478 kilos I was going to say 75 73 Fair play But it does bench over 100 Nice Let's fucking go Yeah Nice I don't think we've ever discussed benching on this podcast There's a fucking reason I feel like I just got hammered doing that entire thing No, no, no Listen He gagged you an old - But then I ruined it. I should have left it there. No, to be fair, there's a reason why - There is clearly a reason why he didn't know the rest of that story. And now - He felt like you were a safe space. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you got carried away. Did I do good? You drew me in. You drew me in. Have you ever asked, and I mean this genuinely, have you ever asked whether sex was okay?

30:23Oh my God. No. Oh. Have you? Yeah. With your current message? In what verbiage? No, not with my current message. where, you know, he was playing around a little bit. He was out of practice. You know what I mean? So he did used to come and say, it's just a sex that I don't think it was my best. And I did ask her how it was straight after. I got called a selfish lover at one point. Oh my God. I didn't understand what it meant. So we asked how it was. No, no, I didn't. You have, you fucking, don't fucking try not calling the boy. You silly. You fucking specifically said to me it was bad because I knew I didn't do well so I asked her what was wrong with it.

31:07I got called the smiler once. The smiler? That makes sense. I got called the smiler because I was so happy with myself. She looked up and I was just smiling down at her. That's scary. I found out that my nickname was the smiler. In the group chat? Yeah. Oh my god. When you make it to the group chat for the wrong reasons. I'm going to ask you again. How's that energy now? Oh yeah, fair. It's rough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're with me now, yeah? It's rough. I understand why you have to keep it here. Because if you drop, you might drop. So you have to keep it up. Oh no. I hear it, I hear it. So should we all go out together?

31:43I think that'll be fucking hilarious. I'm not gonna lie to you. I think it'll be decent. I think it'll be fucking hilarious. I think we'll have a great time. Do you like tequila shots? Yes, we do. We had a tequila shot literally before we came here. No, you did not. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, we did, dude. Bro, I'm in. Oh, that's crazy by the way. He got out from his mom. Yeah. Oh my God. That was so clutch. I'm joking. It was low hanging fruit bro. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was so clutch. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Where's your go to Saturday night out? Where'd you go? Saturday night out.

32:17Well, we just, funnily enough, Sam and I just went for a bit of - We did. We had 40 meals O 'Neils. And Sam was fucking hammered. Yeah. I'm into my red wine now. I'm into my cultured era. Just a cup of wine though, isn't it? Oh. Yeah, Rioja. Lots of Rioja. Anyone I know. I'm not a red wine guy. What are you? Just a sweet wine guy. So anything white. So usually I go for a Riesling. That's crazy. Oh, that's a... That was a crazy... I saw it in my peripheral. That was a crazy... That's a fucking dessert wine. That's a proper sweet wine as well. I love a sweet wine, yeah. Oh, man. I'm not a wine guy.

32:46What are you? I'll go for it Straminer. It's like... Young German. He's not finished. He's still young. Like a young German. Land. Do you have a Straminer? Are we still on the wine? Tequila mostly. Nice. We're gonna have a great time together. I think we'll have a pretty sick time. Yeah. I genuinely, I mean it. When I hold people to it, I expect it to happen. Fair. I'm down though. But B's not down though. No, no, no, no. I'm down for a fucking drink. Yeah. Okay. But no, that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about. We're asking, would you like to come out with the three of us? Yeah.

33:13And you'll say, I'm down for a drink. Yeah. He does that all the time. Are you interested in spending time with us or not? Because if you're not, it's absolutely fine. I'm just driving you to the end. And that's fine. That's fair. That's fair enough bro. I love the honesty and double down. And I'm glad we did it out on the table. You know what I love about James? Is he ask you straight? I need to do that more. That's cool if not. But do you want to hang? No. Okay. Why wouldn't you want to though? Not necessarily with us, but just like, like your immediate reaction was no. Yeah. Why? Because I'm not enjoying this, let alone like out.

33:41But like this sort of is work, innit? So we've got another dilemma Have you guys I'm not answering your dilemma actually I've actually decided I'm not answering it Sam and I We have these hypothetical daughters On the pod Imagine if we have kids And what else Olive and Rose They're our daughters Who is Olive Who is Rose do you reckon Oh one is When you say our daughters Are you like No not as a couple Sorry sorry sorry Any day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, my wife died and he's left him. So. Hello. So we're both single parents. Like you play into the Somba so much. I'm like, yeah, my wife died and I just like drink myself into a stupor.

34:26And then sometimes I have just like meaningless sex with models just because, just because I hate myself. Yeah, just to feel something. Yeah, and then I drink myself to sleep. Yeah, what's the lie? What's the lie?

34:42Oh my God. I'm so hot, I can't bear it, Fouad. Are you not hot? I'm nice bro. Yeah, listen. Would it bother you? Would it bother me if you go to skins? Yeah, not skins, just like - Get the vest out of here. Hold on, hold on. Why are you asking him, would it bother us? It's our fucking studio. He asked me to do it. Fuck him, he don't make a fucking decision. Would you be, okay, now I'm not doing it. Yeah, okay, now it's weird. Yeah, now it's very weird. Okay, you put that back on, you take that off, we're good. I can't put it back on. So would it bother you? No, bro. Seriously? It wouldn't bother you.

35:14Are you not hot? I'm calm, bro. Really? Yeah, bro. Listen, if you want to vest up, bro, you haven't got to worry about us. I just feel like it's unnecessary. I'm crushed, bro. Are you good, Sam? I am. I'm like toilet. We'll have this conversation whilst he dresses himself. You get the whole... Jesus. I was like a turtle. Yeah, yeah. Here we are. Mate, vest up. James, come on, mate. Get the vest up. Get the vest up. Don't do it. Don't make a thing out of it. No, we're not going to make a thing. No James James She's doing it Please don't make a thing of it No no no On my life On my life Go for it Jacked Yeah you ask him Do you bench?

35:52Sometimes Yeah That's what you're aiming for Right Anyway carry on Yes Don't feel nervous You've covered yourself with a pillow now I was already covered with a pillow So let's not make this thought I'm just saying It's alright You're good Anyway So we have these Hyperfection daughters Yeah Olive and Rose So people ask us loads of different hypotheticals about them. And it's become like a big thing. So we've got one for you guys. But you have to answer this. Rose, interesting. Eh? Rose. Yeah, Olive. I would have thought you would have been the Rose one. Me? No. Originally, it was my hypothetical daughter, but because I had one, he had to have one.

36:28So, but I need you to, yeah. They grow up together, they go to school together, they're the same age. It's that sort of crap. Apart from his goes to a private school, mine's expelled. So full back stories. Yeah, nice. Full back stories. So, but I want you to answer this individually as well. Okay, cool. So not as a, a, a, a, a couple. Yeah. Someone has wrote in and said, my daughter wants her boyfriend to sleep at our house. They're 18. Absolutely. Yes or no. Absolutely. Okay. You see, we agree. Why? Yes. He knows what he wants when he goes there. After dinner, he wants dessert. He's not going to be in my house.

37:08It's just not gonna be in my house. And I feel like my daughter - So you're happy if you're writing your old daughter to fuck elsewhere, just not? No, don't do that. No, see, that's the typical twist. Yeah, let's not do that. And what are your daughter's names? I don't even know. You just gotta come out with it really quickly. What it would be? You put me on the spot. Jasmine. What's the lad in the name? Fuhadina, that's my daughter's name. Fuhad-had-dinner? Fuhadina. Fuadina Fuadina Fuadina Fuadina Fuadina Lovely name that Yeah Fuadina Jasmine Jasmine Nice Nice Jasmine and Fuadina Is your take the same?

37:48Yeah 100 % it's not happening Yeah I agree with you both Why is it not happening for you mate? Because there is There's just Okay I'm putting myself when I was 18 And if I'm honest The whole like Oh I'd rather them do it anywhere else When I was 18 My girlfriend if I was suggested, can I just fuck you in an alley somewhere because we have nowhere else to fuck? She would have been like, absolutely not. That's revolting. So all I need to do is make sure I raise my daughter to be that kind of daughter and then not make my house available for the fucking. And then hopefully they just won't do it. Right.

38:21Okay. So what happens if you invite him around but you're like, no shagging, right? They're just not sleeping. They're not staying at night. Can you imagine going around at 18 years old to your bird's fucking parents' house and the dad going, listen I'm happy you're here but no shagging that's what I would do that's ridiculous that means yes shagging no no no I'd just say it to my daughter I'd just rather you be safe I have a different reason as well is that I listen I'm I'm old now but I've never stayed at a girlfriend's father's house neither because it's their castle do you know what I mean I just wouldn't want come for dinner but I wouldn't have like no fucking geezer will sleep in my house if they're with my daughter regardless even married because I would expect him to not want to do that and have respect?

39:07You just think the complete opposite? I should have said that is what I'm really thinking. No, you say what you think. No, I say how you feel, bro. No, that is what I think. Nah, bro. That is what I think. For God's sake. No, James, that's what I think. Nah, dude, I think you should just stand on business and if that's how you feel. No, I would probably do the same, actually. I would hope so. All right. I feel like you'd be silent for a bit when he said, oh, what? Because you'd be trying to process it. You'd be like, what the fuck's just happened? He wouldn't even get the tea out on what before he's fucking on the floor getting fucking ground and pound you fuck or what that's crazy

39:47all right fine fine i'm doing time for that i'm the 18 year old i'm the 18 year old and i haven't said all what but i've been like no i'll try oh my god i'll try i'll do my hands up like that i'll I'll do my best. They're getting fucking cut off and stamped. I'm telling you now. Listen, Mr. Wicks, I'll do my best. Whatever I can do. You'll do your best? I'll do my best. You'll do fucking what? I'll do my best. I'll try. We will try. We'll try not to fuck. Yeah, we'll try. Look, Mr. Wicks, I want to respect you. So we'll try not to. If you want to fucking respect me, respect me. Get the fuck out of my ass.

40:15She's staying in. No, I can't do that. Because that's not very nice. What do you mean? You can't get out of my house. Are you fucking mad? No, Mr. Wicks, it's 11 p.m.

40:29Your daughter's leaving with me. Oh, God. This has been a funny one. I'm going to be honest with you, I'm angry. That's hypothetical, but I really get into them. Right, we've also got... We do a question time. Can I just ask one more hypothetical? Yeah, no, you can. If you had to shag or be shagged by a Disney character, who would you shag or be shagged by? Oh, my God. The genie from Aladdin or Jafar? Go. Obviously not Jafar. Well, why not? But the genie's a bit of you. Well, the genie can turn into anyone he wants, for starters. No, he has to be the genie. See, I like it when people logically think...

41:06He doesn't even have a lower half. Yeah, I know, so he can do anything he wants with it. But no, because you said he has to be the genie. Yeah. So he can't turn into anything else but the genie. So you just get a blowjob. So you've got optional... Whereas Jafar... Jafar's a freak. Yeah. Yeah, see? So genie, whatever genie, yeah. Genie. Why, though? What are you doing to that genie? What are you letting the genies do to you? You? Well, I was going to say, if I'm getting slayed by the genie, I'd probably have to say that he's probably a little bit more... He's going to be more gentle. Why is there no option that you're banging the genie?

41:37Well, it's funny you say this because quite often he does these hypotheticals. Every single one, he's the one getting fucked. Can I ask you a question? It doesn't have to be on air. Can I ask a genuine question? Get out of there, go on. Have you been pegged before? That's a fair question. That's a fair question. Maybe not even all the way to, can we start? Do you know what the worst part of this is? You've just sort of laughed it, but you haven't answered. No, the answer is absolutely not. No, I have not been pegged. Fingers? I did find out what pegged. No, I don't like things around that area.

42:06Okay, fair. Yeah. Curts your chest. Oh my God. I actually don't, if I'm honest with you. Okay, that's fair. By the way, if people like it, that's fine. Yeah, 100 % it is. It's just a question. No, I know. Exactly. Yeah. Do you wish you liked it? No, no, no. Because that's also fair. Because we come from the mindset of like, I wish I liked everything. Cause that'd be awesome. Sexual experiences would be through the roof. Yeah. It'd be amazing. I wish I had a foot fetish. I wish I had a like a praise kink. I wish I had like a breeding fetish. Hold on the foot fetish thing. That's not a bit of you, no?

42:38Nah. Oh, it is you? Fuck no. Mate, I cannot. That's the one. I cannot understand it. I like a toe. Really? A singular? No, I don't hate toes. Okay. No, I don't. Like, I don't recoil at the sight of feet. That's what I mean. Yeah. But I don't want to. the you ever had a foot job it's weird this time i think that sounds shit it is fucking shit so you have and you've you just hate it it's fucking shit and listen i've sucked a bird's toes and all that sort of wow i haven't yeah listen you have i have yeah yeah it's what i don't get it yeah do you know what i mean have you had them suck your toes no i wouldn't want them to have you yeah you didn't like it no i would have in the face i would be i'm ticklish bro I've got ticklish feet.

43:21I've just never got it. Look at him. He's eager. I was wondering. Bro, your contributions are so innocent. It's hilarious. It's hilarious. Can I be dead ass? Yeah, go. Probably my asshole. Yeah.

43:44Like, I resonate with you. I just don't like things around there resonate. Yeah, I'm incredibly ticklish there. Yeah. Yeah. So when you take a poo, you're like, oh, no. Come on, bro. Oh, right, no, it's actually frustrating. Yeah, he's fed up. I understand this. Yeah, I understand your frustrations. I'm so sorry, bro. Wait, what? You've changed sides. No, because it's like, obviously not. People are going to be so excited for this, like, Shits and Gigs Day and Redmond collab, and this is what they're getting. I get it. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. No, no, no, no. Don't your problem, mate. He's just asked if your arsehole tickles when you shit.

44:17Like, what can we do with this? I mean, listen, there's a tough edit and then there's this. It's going to be hard cut. You just see like, I'm jumping around the seats. Suddenly you've got a top on, suddenly you don't. Suddenly he's back on. Guys, one more question. I was thinking about putting a pen on. No, if I can, if I can. We've got a whole list of questions that come from actual people that will probably make more sense. Okay, so questions that were specifically for you guys. that people asked, yeah. Oh, nice. We never get this, Sam. Okay, right, here we go. Thoughts on Gen Z trying to romanticise everything on TikTok at the moment?

44:59So, like, vlogs that are like, come do my weekly shop, and they're like, come do my weekly shop, and, you know, we're just so happy to be alive, and, like, they're just like, they make it try and seem so, like, ethereal and lovely, but you're literally just going for a weekly shop. Let's start here, because that reaction was my reaction, so I feel like I'm going to agree. I fucking hate it. why it's just the whole camera set up things like you wake up and you think about okay babe babe listen i've got an idea let's go shopping but let's record it in different angles and tell everyone give a fuck bro yeah i hear it oh it's so jarring it's so jarring i have no further statement it's just jarring nice yeah this next part of the podcast is brought to you by new liquid IV, sugar-free, daily hydration and zero sugar.

45:49First things first, I promise you guys are going to want to listen to the end for a huge, huge surprise. Okay, so Pete, little birdie tells me that you've got me and Pippa, a running sponsor. So Pippa's already told you. She won't have told you the really big news though. I'm going to wait till the end for that. I mean, it's a really lovely thing you've done. It's very sweet. Well, Pippa, since you're just breaking the news to everyone, Why don't you just tell the audience what the big surprise is as well? No, no, I think you should break the news. Okay, here we go. You know I love to support you and Sam, whatever you do.

46:23All right? So I've gone ahead and found you a bit of a running sponsor for your Hackney half. Yay. The new Liquid IV Sugar Free Range. They've sent me a truck full and, mate, it's packed full of flavour. And you, I'm told, won't believe the way it benefits your training. I've been recommending it to all my mates who seem to suddenly be obsessed with running. Do I get a haul too? Yep, I've arranged just that, mate, to help you with your training and hydration. Because I care. Dare I ask how the training's going? Do you know what? It's going. It's going. Pippa's got shin splints. Well, Pippa's got shin splints.

46:56Yeah, I've had a few injuries so far. I think I'm on my third so far. Pippa's now calling my physio to try and figure out what's wrong with her, because she knows she gets it for free. So how are you both actually feeling about the run, then? I'm a bit nervous. I'm feeling good. I'm excited. I'm feeling good. I'm feeling nervous but as long as we do it that's all that matters I think so what has the the kind of longest run been that you've done me yeah well recently well yeah we can't still go on about you running to Manchester last year no I just okay fine if we're being honest probably about 9k oh 9k I'm on a 14 myself she's on a 14 okay alright then I'll just quickly say something as well Pippa has now suddenly been like if we finish about two weeks ago it was yeah I'm going for time and suddenly it's oh we're just going to try and finish.

47:42Yeah, because I'm injured. So what do you both love the most about running? I like the social element when you run with somebody and chat the whole run and then you get like a coffee or brunch at the end. So you're a running yap. Yes, very much. So you're social runners. Hell yeah. To be honest with you, I feel a little bit out of this running chat, but I have got a few facts for you about Liquid IV Sugar Free that our new friends have sent us. Are you ready for this? Yeah, go on. Pippa, are you listening? I'm listening. New Liquid IV Sugar Free uses a clinically proven amino acid and electrolyte blends to truly enhance water absorption.

48:14It's got zero sugar, eight essential vitamins and minerals. It's a breakthrough for daily hydration and supports muscles and physical performance. From morning routines to post-work workouts, it helps fuel every moment of your day. So I've actually tried some and I actually love the white peach flavour. That's what I've got in my hand now. Well, tell me about it, Sam. Tell me about it. Mate, the looks are real. Why don't you read the contents from the sachet? So what you do, it says you mix this with 500 milliliters of water. And that's all you need to do. Really easy to use. It's full of flavour.

48:46Like I said, I've tasted it. It does actually taste great. Do you know what? I've been thinking this for a while. Okay. And just don't shoot this down anyone. But I'm thinking run club. Well, it's funny you should say that. Oh, no. Are you ready? Yeah. This is big. Go on. This is big. liquid iv are celebrating the launch of sugar free by helping us to create the very first stay in relevant run club yeah that is class listen you and pippa have always wanted to do this and you know me i make things happen so yes liquid iv are going to be sponsoring the first stay in relevant run club so what that means is on the 1st of may we are going to be partnering with Liquid IV and the Run Club Friday Night Lights Oh my God, yes!

49:37to welcome and listen, it's not a small run club. Go on. We are going to be welcoming 250 relevanters Oh my God, that's a lot. to come and run with us. That's a lot. Can I lead? Oh my God, I want to lead with the speaker on my back. I want to speak to everyone there as well because in run clubs, Pete, it's a very community-driven thing. Like, I genuinely want to have chats on people's day, people's lives. We could all take Liquid IV together. What a great idea. Yeah, that'd be great. So if you want to be involved, this is how you do it. You can grab your free tickets for the Run Club on Friday Night Lights website.

50:12Sam, tell them where that is. Well, that's www.fridaynightlights.run forward slash events dot list. And you can find the free tickets to our specific event. And of course, keep an eye out on our socials for the link in bio as well. This is genuinely, I'm so excited for this, to meet you guys, to run with you. it's going to be good vibes it's going to be so much fun if you've ever done a run club before great if you haven't it does not matter yeah it's a beginner so first time anyone you don't have to be a runner this is more of a community thing a really fun thing for us all to do first of May get it in your diaries and come and have a little run with us yeah as I said I'm going to be in charge of tunes do you mind if I put this back on because I've finished up 100 why?

50:55because I'm the only one with like the best one it's just ridiculous you didn't have to ask but you could just put your top back on no because I just didn't want to start doing it and everyone would be like Oh, what a pussy. I'd rather just like address it and then put it back on. It's fine. Put it on. All right. Thank you. Sorry. Sorry. I'd love to address it. Can I address this, please? That's funny. What would you do, though, whilst you're putting it on? What do you think about the Gen Z thing? Oh, yeah. Let me put it on first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's like... So, with more things... I was waiting for that.

51:25Did you say I'm a pussy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Hey, you're five for six. That makes you two five foot five. Yeah, it really does. Can I be honest? Yeah. You look way taller though, on camera. Because everyone says that we look, you do as well to be fair. Everyone says we look really short on camera. Yeah, I thought you were going to be shorter. You're like a standard height. Kind of annoying. Sorry bro. Yeah, I'd say we're average. Yeah, you're slightly below average, but you're in like incredible shape. You'll probably be decent shape as well. I've not been to a dream in eight years, mate. Underneath this, it's...

51:59Did you say eight years or just years? Eight years. Specifically eight years? Specifically, yeah. What happened to make you start? I shattered my coccyx. You shattered your coccyx? It's your tailbone. Yeah, we know what that is. I know what my coccyx is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You shattered it. How did you do that? Or did someone shatter it? No, no, no. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, yeah. So I broke my tailbone and then just stopped and then just sort of started smoking sort of between 40 and 60 a day and drinking. and then I'd realize that. Between 40 and 60 cigarettes a day. Yeah. And then drinking. How are you alive bro?

52:32That's a real good question. He's a cockroach. Yeah. I'd survive a nuclear, I'll outlive all of you. Yeah. Maharaga. Who? Maharaja. Raga. Oh God. It's all good. It's an anime character. Sorry. He has the ability to adapt to anything. But you should have left it at anime. No, because I own it dude. Yeah. I'm not embarrassed about shit like that. I like Dragon Ball Z. judging by this he should be embarrassed of that yeah because that's like that's what people say when they like to like inject their opinion that's the equivalent of like a mum being like hip innit yeah yeah no I'm only surface level but that's fine I like it I grew up watching it yeah I'm glad to be fair that's better than nothing bro well played are you Pokemon no but I'm trying to get into Pokemon cards yeah why is that so fucking big again now I remember that as a kid yeah I don't know it's just because everyone found out like how expensive they are yeah knows money a shiny charles goes for thousands yeah it really does but I'm now bringing it back to this sorry sorry what's the most unserious reason you've ever been attracted to someone unserious reason yeah

53:38years ago years ago go on there was a girl who dressed up for Halloween as the autistic girl from Bob's Burgers I know exactly who you're talking about Tina yeah Tina And did the - Yeah, and on her Instagram, she was doing the like shit twerk thing. And I was like, that's fucking hot. She owned it. Yeah, yeah, bro. She owned it, fair enough. And I was like, well played on the Tina costume. Fair, babe. Like, that's decent. Yeah. That is such a brilliant answer. That's so niche. It's a tough one to top that. I generally don't have an answer. I'm not gonna lie to you. I don't have an answer for that.

54:16Most unserious reason I've ever been attracted to someone. I was weirdly attracted to a girl with really hairy arms, which I normally would, not that it's unattractive, but like it's something you fucking notice and we go, oh, this thing about hairy arms. But for some reason, because everyone went on about the hairy arms, it kind of made her more attractive to me. It was a weird thing. Like a werewolf. Fair play. Nice, bro. All right, and this is the last one. What's a red flag that people ignore because the person's attractive?

54:51That's millions. Yeah. I feel like if you're attractive, you get away fucking so much. So much. Pretty much anything. Being rude to waiters. Yeah. Fucking hell. Arrogance. Yeah. People just accept it, really, from attractive people, don't they? But if you're fucking, if you look like the back end of a bus and you're arrogant, people pull you up straight away. People are like, it's fucking arrogant. You've got no reason to be. If you're attractive and arrogant, people go, that's confidence. No, it ain't. No. that is an attractive yeah that's confident I like how I've spoken yeah yeah I really like a man that just says what he wants or a girl that just says what he wants and actually no dickhead yeah but it's allowed because yeah a red flag for someone who's unattractive for someone who's unattractive being badly dressed yes they spin it they fucking spin it yeah that shit pisses me off yeah you know when you get like this really and you like they're fucking so fit and then you realise like this bird is wearing in like a maxi dress with dirty air force ones and you think oh but she's fit yeah whereas normally another bird you'd look at that and go fuck she's a heroine adage she ain't got nothing yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and it's the same can't dance you get one dance was the next one i was gonna dance is that a big deal oh yeah dude really just made a song about it yeah who did Bruno Mars what about not being able to dance yeah it's his latest single bro what so they're basically if the girl I can't dance, you can't end up with it.

56:15Yeah. It's a huge red flag. Really? Yeah. Why? Because she has no rhythm. What's the problem with that? The fuck? You can't dance. You can't dance at all. Sam, you can't dance. I can. I can fucking dance well. I bet you follow the lyrics and not the beat. No, I didn't know that. He clucked him. I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means. I'm the only person who's been professionally trained. I can't dance. Oh for real? I've got no rhythm I can't even hear a fucking beat on stuff Oh Yeah I point blank Can I dance At least you're owning it though Yeah yeah I can't But this is the problem He thinks he's got And this is what we get No I'm sat down right now But yeah Can't dance is a great one Yeah that's a massive deal for me Can you dance?

57:05Yeah we can dance We're sick of dancing Boys how do you want her to dance? It's not about dancing It's just about understanding And she has self-awareness to understand like - What she kind of can't do. What she kind of can't do. And like what is necessary in this moment. You can tell if a girl can dance or not just by like, if she starts at her shoulders like you just did, boom, no. Really? So you don't start your shoulders when you're dancing? Shoulders are the last thing you go. Really? It's from the bottom up, dude. That's eye like - No, bro! Absolutely not! Why? What's this? Nah, dude. What the fuck?

57:39Are you joking? I'm dead serious. Dude, I promise you right now, I swear to God I've danced with girls just like that top half what is it? big girl was she? no I'm just saying and you're just giving one of them nah dude and how did that end up for you? I swear it's being ex-girlfriends girlfriends it's fine I always go top I never go bottom half you dance from the waist up yeah I can tell dude you just it's not shoulders the footwork it's the waist footwork and waist bro it's all waist Center of gravity Yeah man Shit Yeah and the shoulders Come last Literally That's the flavour That you add to it Yeah The shoulders are the flavour That you add to it Yeah The foundation's the footwork And the waistline Shit boys When we go out On our night out We're gonna have the best TBC TBC bro So you see what you've done At the start of this You went in hard With the night out They were G'd up for it The more you've spoken The less excited They've been To the point where now To the point now Now they're checking diaries Yeah Right are we actually Not doing it now Yeah I'm sick that day bro Yeah sorry Nah to be fair we can But just like Not somewhere where there's Dancing people Or anyone will see It could be like a table situation That might be nice Oh yeah Yeah Young table You want to keep him sat down Yeah you can say sat down I've just got visions now Of me being forced along To this fucking gathering And then watching you two Trying to teach him how to dance That could be fun though no We could have a really good time What's your idea of A good night out if you had to get dragged along and we were like okay because we had to drag you along you get to decide what we do what would you say do you know what's mad I I I just quite like being at the pub okay right sorry go on go get you that's my nightmare if you get on with the people I just like being in the pub like chilled nice but unfortunately no one ever wants to do that which fucks me off I do no one I want to do it with to do it with wants to do that so So nice dinner somewhere like a bit vibe at the strip club.

59:44Boom. Boom. Now we're talking. We can run that. We can run that. That's fair. Are you allowed to go to a strip club? I don't. Probably not. I'd have to ask the girlfriend to be fair. You guys haven't had that conversation yet? No. Really interesting. I think it's a really good conversation to have. Well, I'm not going to just tie her up to a strip club now. I've got a girlfriend. She might have time to be like, that's really disrespectful. Bring her along. Oh, that's actually a good idea. That's not a bad idea. Let me tell you one of the best places to take a bird on a date is a strip club. He literally is.

1:00:10He's not joking. He's not joking at all. It's fucking sick. We did our Christmas doing a strip club. We did. We went string fellows. Which one? String fellows. That's a nice strip club. Let's go. We'll do dinner first because I do like a nice vibe and a bit of dinner. A bit of food. Can I be dead serious? Yeah. I'll be upset if this doesn't happen. So if you'd rather just say that this is for the show, I'd rather you just say it for the show. We brought you back into wanting it. Yeah, because I'm down for that. That's why I'm glad I asked. If we're doing a nice dinner and strip club, I'm in. Yeah.

1:00:35Yeah, that sounds sick. Because actually it's weird because like, you see where like at the start of this, you were really excited about going out with him. Now you don't want to start this. I really didn't want to go up with you's two, but you've brought it back, mainly you, but you brought it back to the point where we can put up with him. Let's go. Because I'll have you there. You didn't even contribute. To what? To the like build up. I did. I was here. I felt like you were just nodding. Yeah, I was here bro. I was here bro. It's just a silent observe. Used to have tried way too hard. Hey, hey, don't let him get you man.

1:01:02Nah, I'm not going to let him get you. Bro, I've told you, I'm used to this. I'm literally used to it. We're just a cool, calm-collected brother, bro. And we, so are we. No, I think it would be really, really cool. And then, yeah, if it is a problem with the missus, you should just say, okay, we'll just bring a couple of friends and then you just meet us there. Meet us there. And there should be gas that you actually want to have that experience with us. Okay, fine. Well, look, we are going to make it happen. You promised now, so we can't go back on it. Pete will turn up if it is there. Boys, I'm so grateful that you came down.

1:01:30I know you're busy and it's very, very kind of you. Thank you. I really, really appreciate it. for having us this was really really fun exactly how i'd hoped it would go yeah are you fucking serious yeah are you dead serious you're dead serious yeah he is serious i can tell what the time of his voice so thank you boys i really appreciate it thank you for having us i mean i i mean i watch all of your shit all the time you guys are absolutely smashing it and it's great you guys are smashing it so yeah it's um it's a real pleasure thank you oh thank you thank you yeah james and burad everybody Sick.

1:01:58Yes. Am I a cuck? Shit. Fucking hell. Maybe, but... I don't think it's a big deal. This has been a Staying Relevant production.

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1:03:16Hello, Relevancers. we wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog, Marry, Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We're sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.