The boys’ secret lives…

0:00This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc. Have you been putting off a doctor's appointment or need a dentist and don't know where to start? We've definitely been there, and that's why we use ZocDoc. Actually, over the holidays, Michael had a dental emergency, and seemingly every office was closed. But we hopped onto ZocDoc, found an in-network dentist, had great reviews, saw real-time appointments available, which was key. It was on New Year's Day, and booked an appointment in just minutes. It took so much of the stress out of the already stressful situation. ZocDoc makes it easy to search and compare over 250 ,000 local in-network providers across more than 200 specialties.

0:41So you can find the right doctor or dentist and book instantly. Ready to be seen? Download the ZocDoc app today and book that appointment on your to-do list. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C. ZocDoc. Losing weight can feel like a roller coaster. Full of ups, downs, and being thrown for loops. Like when someone brings donuts into the office. Or your kids' dino nuggets start giving you that look again. That's why there's Noom. They combine GLP-1s to quiet the food noise with healthy habits that help you keep it quiet, even if you get off the meds. Their program is designed to make weight loss a smooth ride, helping you understand what drives you.

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2:06Welcome to Staying Relevant, the bonus episode hosted by myself, Sam Thompson, and Peter James, Jonathan, Joseph Wicks.

2:17This episode will contain swearing. If you don't like it, go f*** yourself. As Sam mentioned, this is the bonus episode, which means it's out audibly on Thursday. And then you can watch it on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from Sunday at 5pm. And Monday's main episode, which came out audibly on the Monday, you can now watch on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel as of 5pm on the Wednesday, which means that you can catch us on a... Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. Wonderful. Make sure you rate, reviewed all of that crap. Subscribe to the YouTube channel. follow us on socials at Stan Redmond pod and this episode and the bonus episodes are generally about you guys but you can email us at any time and if you want to do that then email us at the worst email address in the world which is hello at srproductions.co.uk shall we start with a very exciting upcoming event that happens every year for was it Easter or some shit yep yes it is yep it's the old Good Friday and all that crap.

3:18It is bank holiday. Four day weekend, motherfuckers. Bank holiday plan, Sam? I'm going to be, oh, I don't actually know. Nothing then? Yeah, I don't really know if I have. I'll maybe just go to a pub garden. Are you going to take it off work? Yes. Yes, I will. Yes, I shall be. We've got four, how many days off do we have? Four days off? It's bank holiday weekend, so you get the Friday and the Monday. Shipping me timbers. Four day weekend. Oh God, I don't know. What are you doing? No, nothing. I don't know what I'm doing. Pippa, what are we doing? We? Yeah. I'm sure you're doing something fun. Well, you know, if you actually haven't got any plans in the diary, then this seems like the appropriate time to kick off barbecue season that you keep promising us all.

3:59No, because the garden's not done yet. Oh, of course it's not. Garden is not done as of yet. Plans are in motion. Right. Wheels are turning. Well, should we have an SR sort of Easter social? Mate, I would flipping love to. Why don't we go to the pear tree? Egg hunt. Egg hunt. Egg hunt. What's an egg hunt? Egg hunt. An egg hunt. Oh, we can't do it easy. I can't do Bank Holiday Monday because I'm seeing Paddington. You've seen Paddington more times than I've had a crab. Once. No, no, that's a lie. It's not. I've seen it once. In theatre production? Why are you seeing it again? Yes, in theatre production, I've seen it once.

4:41What's the point of going again? Because I really enjoyed it. Why do you watch the same World War 2 movies? That's a very good point. That's a really, really good point. Pete's about to kill himself.

4:54Moving very, very swiftly on. But yeah, I would love to do something. Pete, if you want to hang out, we'd go for a couple of jars. No, no, no. Yeah, I literally, I mean, why don't you do a Staying Relevant Easter Plans, all of you? I won't be in attendance. I will. If anyone fancies it, I'll go for a couple of it. If it's nice weather, we'll go for a nice night. Yeah, and listen. Why are you shaking your heads? Well, you know Sam, guys, when he makes a plan, a social plan, he sticks to it. I've had a few jokes with you guys. Yeah, absolutely you did. I remember there was a time last February when you popped along.

5:25No, I went to the big home with these gals. Yeah? Shut the shit. That was May. May last year. It was a whole year ago. 11 months ago. Well, if you fancy it, I'm around. I don't think I'm doing anything, so. All right, well. If anyone wants to pick up a stray Sam, you're more than welcome. What we'll do is we'll catch up after the bank holiday to see how the Sam social went. Yep. Yes, we will. Right. Emails. Here we go. Right. Okay. Lila. Or is it Lila? Lila. Lila. Lila. Lila. Lilo. Lila. Yes. Married to Stitch. Hello, Lila. Hey, boys. Really enjoyed the chat about whether we were all actually living in a simulation or not.

6:04Got me thinking. God, it was one of my favourites. I really enjoyed it. Are there any conspiracy theories you guys actually believe in? I personally believe in the story and the theory of Pete not actually existing, but open to others. When we talk about it, it's sort of like, was it the aliens or Egyptians that built the pyramids? Pete existing isn't sort of a well-known conspiracy theory, because I think we've sort of proved that one. I exist. Have we proved it, then? That's the question. I think we need to follow him with a camera 24-7. Well, have you ever watched Men in Black? I have. You know when that guy opens up and it's a little alien in the head, like in a spaceship?

6:38like imagine if that's Pete he gets home and like this little alien gets out and just has a f***ing most fucking long day and he just powers down for the rest I feel like this is very much a you coded email I do have a lot of conspiracy theories Cracker give us your best one Moon Landing wasn't real oh he's gone in big he's gone in big I don't think Moon Landing was real what you think it was sort of green screen yeah I do I do I think I think that there's a reason we haven't been to the moon since. What? Sort of like what? I think there's something on there. Right, yeah. I think there's a reason we haven't been to the moon.

7:16And I think that, and I think, because let's say they did land on the moon, right? Let's just say. By now, by now, you would think that we'd have like at least one theme park, something there. Yeah, like a house or something there. Like you would think we would be able to do that. Like how lucrative would that be? Just the one house. But you'd think there'd be something there. We haven't been again since. We have not stepped foot on the moon since we did it for the first time. That makes no sense. The entirety of civilisation was like, we need to get to the moon. We have to get to the moon. Suddenly, we get to the moon and it's like, done that.

7:51Doesn't make any sense to me. Yeah, but that happens quite a lot. It's like, do you know what I mean? It's a fad, isn't it? So maybe we went there and went, not really worth this, was it? Not really worth it. It's not when you go to Frinton. Frinton? You know, you get there and you go, yeah, we'll have a little day with the seaside. and you get there and you go, oh, bitch here. So you don't go back. Beach's a bit stony. Do you know what I mean? Well, it's not like it looked in the picture. Do you know what I mean? Well, do you think, okay, do you reckon there's anything on that, mate? Like aliens or anything?

8:22I've never really thought about it. Yeah. Do you believe in aliens? They can't just be us, surely. Oh, my God. I never thought you would. No, well, you know, I don't know and it's not, I don't, you know, I don't sit home and worry myself about it, whether E.T.'s up there. Imagine Pete sat at home worrying about it. You know, I'm not sort of, you know, I'm not looking into the sky and going, God, what is that? I mean, it's just a fucking, you know, E-Z-Y-100 fucking taking off from Stansted. I just, you know, mate, yeah, there must be something else out there. If we exist, there must be something else out there in this great big fucking universe.

9:02No, I completely agree. you know, is there another fucking earth? Is there another peperine knocking about somewhere? You know, there won't be one of Josh. He's quite unique. But Josh is the alien. Josh is the alien that they send to like, to scope it out. And then he's going to go back and go, yeah, no, they're all fucked. Yeah, you reckon he's the alien plant? Yeah. Well, they could have made him blend in a bit more. Because that **** stunts out everywhere. Well, this is something I also believe. Lizard people. Right, okay. Yeah, lizard people. Explain lizard people to us. Well, I just, apparently there are lizard people who live sort of beneath the earth and they sort of come out and they can morph into us.

9:42So who is most likely out of the Stamilum team to be a lizard person? Josh, I'm so sorry. Yeah. That's right. Reptilian. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. I'm so sorry. I get it. It's not anything against you. I would love to pick your brain if you were one of the reptilians. Yeah, we can sit down over lunch if you want. I would love to. Why don't you take him down to your burrow? Yeah, if you fancy it, mate. Josh is... Apparently they believe the Earth crust. I also believe the pyramids are made by aliens. What, Josh's ones or the ones up there? The ones up there. And I also believe that Atlantis was a real place.

10:18Amazing. Yeah. What's E.T. short for? Extraterrestrial. No, he's got little legs. So... Come on, guys. Josh. Extraterrestrial. What's E.T. short for? Because he's got little legs. Oh! Oh, that's why I'm short. It's a kid's joke. I can hear them tuning out now. I can hear them just closing Spotify. Yeah, but they were fucking, they were locked in on reptilians. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like, yeah, they might have dipped out of the reptilians. Jesus Christ. All right, cool. I mean, for me, I'm not really here for the, you know, I don't. You must have one. I just think everything's a conspiracy. I don't really believe anyone or anything in life, do I?

10:58Because everyone is untrustworthy. oh what a way to live life you know what i mean like i don't anyone really surprise me but i don't i don't jump on board with all the the standard conspiracy theories that everyone wants to you know like if we're gonna stay on the alien like area 51 and all that what's your opinion oh do you not well i don't know the problem is and and this is you know just sort of how i live my life it's not really my business i love that i love the aliens are very like it's not my business it's not Listen, they're not worried about me. I haven't done anything in my life to date that is particularly interesting that they're going to worry about.

11:35You know what I mean? So as far as I'm concerned, if I bumped into one, he'd probably go on your way. And I'd go, no worries, brother. Enjoy your time. You know, I don't think they're interested in me. I've just got such a thought in my head. Like imagine like aliens invading and like Pete's reaction to like such an earth changing event. It's like, mate, fuck, like the aliens invaded. I just imagine Pete would be like, yeah, shit. I mean, they're going to tax us for that. Yeah. I just can't imagine, like, I can't imagine, like, what you would do. What would you do in, like, an apocalyptic setting?

12:09What would I do? Yeah, like, would you try and survive? Would you just, like, be like, no, this is the end? Would I try and survive? Yeah. Well, I think an apocalyptic, you know, setting. And what are we talking about here? Are we talking, like, zombie? Are we talking it's because of nuclear war and everything's dead, or are we talking an invasion type thing? Let's talk invasion type thing. Invasion. Listen, I have got 37 years of rage built up in me, which I believe that would be a perfect time to release it. So am I going to be frontline fighting? Damn fucking right I am. Yeah, you are. Motherfuckers come at me.

12:44Yeah, yeah, that's right. So I'm fine for that. If it's a case of nuclear war and just everything's dead, I'll just buy my time until it's mine yeah of course radiation poisoning will get you I'm a survivor and you know yeah I'll survive as long as I can do I'd probably quite enjoy it you know a lot of things are dead there's less people around you know I see that as sort of a bonus I can sort of walk and get on with my life you know uninterrupted what would you do if it was a zombie apocalypse and I had been turned right but not quite enough so have you ever seen well it's inevitable I'll kill you well this is the question right so me and you were on the run together We just happen to be together and we're trying to survive, right?

13:21I have very heroically thrown myself in front of a zombie. Well, you've lost me there because we all know that you'd be beyond me. If anyone's getting bit, it ain't going to be you, is it? I mean, this would fucking throw me to the walls quicker than you can imagine. There's a zombie coming down the road and you go, right, Pete, I've got that. And he's off. Suddenly I get banged on the top of the head and I'm on the fucking floor. They're fucking munching on my fucking shins and that's on his toes. They're munching on my shins. but then let's let's say let's just flip it okay parallel universe and I'd be and you know I didn't think it was going to be this universe mate you know when like you know when like someone throws themselves in and they look like they got away of it but they've got a tiny little bite and that bite then expands like I Am Legend you ever seen I Am Legend yeah yeah when the dog starts to turn I'll break your neck or Shaun of the Dead yeah well alright let's go with you know I Am Legend it's a better film yeah alright and I'm like god don't it's going to be fine it's going to be fine but you know I'm going to turn Will Smith loved the dog but the dog was turning that's what I would do would you do that to me yeah yeah even if I was like no I'm going to be fine yeah I'd be like well you won't you're going to kill everyone you know come on take it like a man fucking hell come on hold still darling it's going to be fine Jesus Christ let's hope no zombies I've got to say Lila you've really set us down a rabbit hole here and I really enjoyed it this is very much my cup of tea very much not mine I mean just lastly there is you know one conspiracy theory that I hear all the time which I feel like you're going to jump on board with pigeons.

14:48Why are there no chicks? No. Government spies. That's what I mean. You don't see any baby pigeons. I've never seen a baby pigeon. What, because they're not old enough to be spies? Well, where are the pigeons coming from if you don't see any babies? Right, but you know that is proven. What, are there baby pigeons? Well, obviously there's baby pigeons. Have you ever seen a baby pigeon? Well, no, because what they do is they stay in the nest for a period of time and actually pigeons mature at a certain period. That's just a fact. I don't know who it is. But them being government spies isn't a fact.

15:16How do you feel about that? Do you think they're... When you see a pigeon, do you think he's watching me? No, because I think it would take too much to build each pigeon individually. Right, you don't think there's a pigeon factory? No, I don't. I can much... And I've seen quite a few of, like, gammy legs and shit, and they are very biological. I could see, like, maybe a fly, like a little fly surveillance. Right, because it's easier to build a fly than it is a pigeon. Yeah, I think so, yeah. We're going to win a trick award. Well, if we were going to, it's gone now. We're going to win a trick, baby.

15:54This is it. Okay. Hey, Sam. Hey, Pete. Hey, team. Just could have gone with hey, Sam, Pete and team, but whatever. Not sure if you've seen the major pop culture event of the Hannah Montana reboot, but if you lived a double life like Hannah Montana, Hannah, what would your normal job and disguise be? Thanks from another Hannah. Right, what's Hannah Montana?

16:20This episode is sponsored by ZocDoc. Have you been putting off a doctor's appointment or need a dentist and don't know where to start? You've definitely been there and that's why we use ZocDoc. Actually, over the holidays, Michael had a dental emergency and seemingly every office was closed. But we hopped onto ZocDoc, found an in-network dentist, had great reviews, saw real-time appointments available, which was key. It was on New Year's Day and booked an appointment in just minutes. It took so much of the stress out of the already stressful situation. ZocDoc makes it easy to search and compare over 250 ,000 local in-network providers across more than 200 specialties.

17:02So you can find the right doctor or dentist and book instantly. Ready to be seen? Download the ZocDoc app today and book that appointment on your to-do list. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C. ZocDoc. Losing weight can feel like a roller coaster, full of ups, downs, and being thrown for loops, like when someone brings donuts into the office or your kids' dino nuggets start giving you that look again. That's why there's Noom. They combine GLP-1s to quiet the food noise with healthy habits that help you keep it quiet, even if you get off the meds. Their program is designed to make weight loss a smooth ride, helping you understand what drives you, so you can build better habits to not just lose weight, but keep it off.

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18:33Hannah Montana is Miley Cyrus. Love her. Do you? Oh, I fancy Miley Cyrus. She does a little bit of country, that's why. Yeah. You ever seen her live version of Madonna Like a Prayer? Yeah, very good. Honestly, what a woman. She's dressed headstone Gucci. She looks lovely. Really fancy Miley Cyrus. also a fan of her father Billy Ray Cyrus met him at the NT's last year let's hope he's doing well Billy Ray but I'm gonna take her no don't break my heart my achy breaky heart I just don't think you'd understand boom boom boom boom boom boom boom yeah boom boom boom what would you do so Miley Cyrus yeah explain to me what this double life It's the Disney show, which is called Hannah Montana.

19:23I've heard of it, but what's the double life bit? So Hannah Montana is basically a singer, but then also doubles as just like a normal person, I believe. Is that not just everyone? Are they sort of singers? So Miley Cyrus, so Miley plays Miley in the show. Right. Miley, it's like. So who's Anna? Miley when she puts the blonde wig on because she wants to live a normal life. So it's like if you were actually a man called Greg and then you put on like a leather jacket, some glasses and a wig to be Pete Wicks, and then you'd go back and just live your life as Greg. Greg. So who's Greg? The real you.

19:55So Miley Cyrus is the real her. Right. Okay. Okay. Got you. So Elton John, Reggie Dwight. Yes. Right. Exactly. But actually it's just a disguise. To get away with it. So in her real life, she's just disguised as just some woman and no one knows it's the woman, but then they all listen to the fucking music of the person. Yes. You got it. Right. Got you. Okay. Excellent. Yeah. So I'm a bloke called Greg. Well, yeah. But what would you do? What would your second life be if you could? So what is that? Okay. So my main life is I'm Pete Wicks. No. No. That's your alter ego. So maybe you'd go live on a farm.

20:30So this is my main life. So my main life, my disguise is being in the public eye. No, this is your alter ego. So who am I? Greg. So I'm Pete Wicks. Right. So I'm Pete Wicks. Yeah. But is that my Hannah Montana? Yes. Yes. But so who am I in my real life? That's what you get to choose. Okay. So I'm Greg. Yeah. Yeah. You don't have to be. You can choose who you want to be. All right. Sylvester. I'm Pete.

21:00What would you do? What would your other life be? Just like a mechanic. Mechanic would be great. Mechanical Greg would be fucking great. No, I'm not mechanical. Sorry, I haven't taken... I'm not a robot called Greg. Mechanical Greg No I'm a mechanic I just fix like cars and bikes and that Yeah Greg the mechanic Yeah Yeah so I'm a mechanic And then in My Hannah is Pete Yeah So I'm a mechanic Sort of In my normal life And then And then I'm Sort of Pete Wicks The sort of like Dog bloke And hairy friend of You Yeah Yeah Alright Well that's what I am then I'm Greg the mechanic who are you who am I I would say my name is Roger Tyler Tyler Tyler and I got to be believable for you I mean I feel like I'm fairly believable Greg the mechanic Tyler and I work in the city no it's not believable Tyler and I'm a state agent not believable state agent yes not believable I was going to be an estate agent well I think you're Tyler, who's been on a 15-year gap yard.

22:24Oh, God, not one of them. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? You found yourself multiple times in Bali, Sri Lanka, different areas, and you're just living life to the fullest because it's believable. Oh, I want to be. And so you have to disguise yourself as well. Yeah. So I'm Greg, the mechanic with the blonde wig. No. Because that's what she does. No, not quite. So I can disguise myself in any way. So you're in your disguise right now. Oh, this is my disguise. So what does actual Greg the mechanic look like? However you want him to. He's bald. Okay, that works. This is a wig. Yeah. And he's dirty.

23:02He's a mechanic. He's oil under the fingernails, isn't he? Wears overalls. Tattoos are fake. We like Greg. Yeah. Greg's got a bigger dick. Oh, no, you can't change that. It's a disguise, mate. Fair enough. Fair enough. I don't know what mine would be. Good question, that from Hannah. Oh, and that's where it ends, so... I don't know. It's coming at me real quick. I don't know what my alter ego would be doing. Well, I mean, just sort of... It's one of these things when we do this, because I didn't know this was coming, but you just make it up on the spot, mate. Well, I said works in the city, but you shot that down, and then I said, stay in.

23:42You said no. Mixologist. Mixologist. Do you know what? I nearly became a mixologist at one point. I mean, you were a bartender. Well, there you go. You have nearly been everything. Yeah. Like, you've so nearly been everything. Yeah, I've tried many vocabularies. I mean, if you listen to the main ep, I don't understand why you haven't gone to your first door. I don't understand why you're not sort of Tyler, the beekeeper. Oh, no. Do you know what? I tell you exactly what I would have been. Being in the city is quite... Do you know what I mean? Obviously, I would be a mechanic, but you'd be something that fits you, which is an astronaut or something.

24:12No, do you know what? I'll tell you exactly, I'll tell you exactly an astronaut. Yeah, a professor of fucking Greek mythology. Oh, God, an archaeologist. See what I mean? See, we've opened the creative juices, guys. Oh, my God, an archaeologist would be flipping right. Well, there you go. So, yeah, that's a bit more you, isn't it? Maybe an archaeologist in the old city of Babylon. No, no, no, no, hold on, hold on, sorry. So, okay. I'm creating a backstory now. Okay, yeah, but you don't time travel. No, no, in the ancient seas, I've gone back, which is modern-day Iraq. There's not time travel. No, no, but I'm in Iraq now.

24:44So then how do you get to your day job of doing the pod, mate? Well, that's... You're commuting from Iraq to do the podcast. At times. You can still... No, okay. My name's Tyler. Tyler, who lives in Iraq. He's an archaeologist who specialises the ancient times of Babylon. But he commutes into his disguise. He whacks on his disguise and becomes Sam Thompson, who records the Staying Relevant podcast. and I've just uncovered the tomb of Gilgamesh amazing so but the problem is is if that's a disguise you're also now famous as Tyler because you discovered the tomb of Gilgamesh so now what's happened is now you need a disguise it's like inception this so you now need a disguise from being Sam Thompson to Tyler the archaeologist who discovered the ancient tomb of Gilgamesh in Iraq to now needing a fucking disguise for Tyler and for Sam I mean how many people do you want to this is turning into split Will you wait until I go and fucking uncover Atlantis?

25:41Okay, so you're constantly going to make your disguise. That's my job. It's more to be undercover. To be undercover. You can't create. What you're doing is just creating more versions of you. They're all getting famous. All right? I'm just, mate, I'm a mechanic. I'm a mechanic. And my friend's the mechanic. And me and you are actually mates. Great. So now we're Batman and Robin of the archaeology world. Yeah, we are. Fucking are. I think we've lost it. Shall we move on? Yeah, we are with Batman and Robin of the archaeology world. And Pete's actually a mechanic. but what he really does is he makes these amazing automobiles that get us from HP.

26:11That's how I get to the podcast. But we're no longer in disguise, Sam. We're now, so hold on, this is not, you've missed this. I'm just a mechanic who has his breakfast in a cafe and he's just nice and chill. You've turned into an archaeologist superhero. We're deep in now, baby. We've got to save the world. I don't want to play anymore. We've got to save the world. Question time. What's your best party trick? question time or maybe a jazz player no sorry that was still back on your yeah that was back on the other one okay best party trick for me best party trick probably would be you confuse everyone I don't know I don't have many tricks I could break dance I could fucking break dance oh Sam there you go just before we get there okay alright I mean Okay Mate I need to take my shoes off No way Wait a second Don't want to ruin the old Massimo duties Yeah I'd just like to point out This is one of them things When people say It's okay for you to say Like I'm going to I'm going to answer first before I don't have a party trick I'm pretty shit at everything Alright It sucks for you Wait it does suck for me But the problem is now Is that this is supposed to be your party trick I'd have gone with something You can potentially do That we can't prove here So you could You could have gone with trumpet player Because you've mentioned it a million times but we don't have a trumpet.

27:35You've gone with breakdancing. You must have known that if it wasn't for the reptilian fucking asking you, I would have asked you to breakdance. So we're now going to move the coffee table. I appreciate this isn't great for people listening, but what I will do is I'll sit in my seat and I'll narrate what he's doing. All right? Coffee table is now moving. You're ready to... What's your breakdance name? Mike? Mike, Mike, what's your... I don't have a breakdance name. All right, all right. Just feel the flow. Let's call you Sammy Sizzle. Yeah, do you want a beat? I just do one. I just do one move.

28:03No, all right. No, no, no. I'll just give you a beat anyway because you've got to do it in time if you're a dancer. Ready? Ready? Oh, oh. Okay. Okay.

28:19Oh, mate. I haven't done that in years. I haven't done that since I was at school. Is that it? Yeah. Oh, really? Mate, that is so much more painful than when I was younger. I used to literally have everyone being like, that's fucking cool. When I was at school, I was the coolest kid. When I was at my prep school, so I was about like 10 years up. Prep school? I genuinely just, I feel like I've torn something in my side and I've just done my knee in. Right. Well, there you go then. No, let's not pretend that's not relatively party trickable. I could have carried on and done it for longer. Well, the same thing.

28:55I could do the worm. Well, all right. Fucking worm, sorry. I just didn't realise. Well, mate, you can't just, you can't just like slowly get down on the floor. Ready?

29:07Oh. All right, that's actually better. That is good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll give you, all right, camera. That was really good. Ready? And then forward. All right. It's because we've praised him now. No, I can't do it forward. No, okay. All right, you should have stopped there. Should have stopped on the back. So I'm going to be honest with you. So the first thing you showed me, shite. Second being So actually I wouldn't say Your party trick Is break dancing I'd say your party trick Is the worm Quite a cool party trick And there you go But we're happy with that That's a good one Awesome I rap at parties Mate you couldn't Rap a Christmas present No No as in I couldn't make up a rap I rap Eminem Every now and then Yeah alright Stick to the worm We just wanted the one Yeah Sometimes You know when the time's right For a rap at parties It's never right You know when like You know when the vibe The vibe's slightly dipping And you're like I should do an M &M.

29:57Yeah, it's never happened at a party I've been at. Next question. Would you go back 20 years or forward 20 years? I already know we're going to have opposing views on this. I would go back 20 years. Oh, we're not going to have opposing views. I'd go back. Back to 100 % back 20 years. If I knew what I knew now. So, oh, okay. So going back 20 years, you'd be 14. 14. No, 13. 13. Yeah, 13 years old. So if 13-year-old you... My first kiss. Well, there you go. If 13-year-old knew that you knew what you knew now, what would that look like? Well, I'd be a billionaire. I'd just invest in all of them. You'd be a billionaire?

30:35Yeah. Okay. So, sorry, I don't mean to pull apart your ideas, and I love it, but you're not a billionaire now. No, but I'd be a billionaire then. So at 13 - I'd just invest in NVIDIA and Tesla and just put everything into that, Bitcoin, and be like, sweet, I'm a billionaire. Right, okay. so you don't mean you'd be a 13 year old billionaire. No, no, no. You would be investing in things because you'd know now what to invest in. And then by this point at 34, you'd now be a billionaire as opposed to a millionaire. Yeah, and have a yacht. As opposed to... It'll come. Yeah, nice. Nice. I like it. I like it.

31:08I'd also go back 20 years. Yeah. I'd be 17 because I was living life. Yeah. Can you explain what you were doing? No. Legally, no. No. But it was a good period of time for me. In my peak, I was crazy. I was working in the city. You know, I had cash to burn. I had no responsibilities. I was fucking getting into the swing of life. It was a good period to be alive. There wasn't all the social media bollocks that there is now. You could do what you kind of want. It was a fucking nice time. The reason I wouldn't go forward 20 years is because that would mean I'm dead. Yeah, you'd wake up in a coffin.

31:45Yeah, I'd sort of... Oh, fuck. Fuck! Do you know what I mean? You can pose. I'm not sure because in 20 years time I will be nearly 58 oh my god that's terrifying so and I don't feel like 58 year old Pete is I mean listen 37 38 year old Pete ain't a particularly great guy 58 year old Pete with another 20 years of this bullshit is going to be one miserable do you think okay and I mean this I want an honest answer here from Pippa As a Gen Z, do you think me and Pete will be alive at 58 years old? Yes. I strongly hope so. You hope so? Yeah, of course I do. All right. Here's a question then. So we can't obviously, you know, 20 years ago, none of us knew each other.

32:35Yeah. So we all know each other now. Do you think you and I will still be mates in 20 years? Yeah, of course. Great. What a stupid question. But do you think that Pippa, do you think we will all still know each other? Guarantee. Do you think we'll all still know each other in 20 years time? Me, you will, obviously. But yeah, I think Pippa will be gone. She'll be, Pippa will be like some big wig exec in America doing something. She will have dropped us like a sack of shit. When I left my job at the radio, I was, well, this was just before I went, oh, if I ever leave this job, like, we'll still be friends.

33:14like we'll still hang out and I didn't even know Sam that well he was like no we won't like if we don't work together we just won't be friends and we won't hang out we just won't speak anymore so I have no doubt that in 20 years I won't know Sam no I was like you can send me a DM every now and then a DM I've got your number I was like I'll probably reply to a story or something like you do something oh that's nice oh Pippa she's a nice girl Pippa alright so I hear you say that about people now and I will not turn into that and then we'll fizzle out as time goes on it will fizzle out so here's the question then And so I agree, we will still know each other.

33:46We'll still be fucking mates. I mean, I'm now stuck with you for the rest of my life. If I'm still alive, you will still be my best mate. It's going to be one of them things. I think at that point you will have kids and a family. As will you. I don't know about that, but you will have kids and a family. And, you know, it will be one of them where, you know, I'm having to go on holiday with you and your kids and all that crap. Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm probably sad, quite lonely. And it's like, you know, the family holiday to Portugal that you do every year. Portugal's such a good one because people do that yeah to your villa Valdeleu and it'll be like yeah we've got to take Uncle Pete and Uncle Pete at that point is fat and bald and old and overly tanned and all his tattoos have kind of merged into one he sits in the corner he's drunk and he smokes cigars but all the kids love him because they're just fascinated by the fact that he's just you know such an anomaly that will be me and they'll all hang around me and it'll piss me off but I'll quite like it because it's the only interaction I have with society is my two is my two weeks in Portugal with you and the family.

34:45Your family. Pippa, what do you think the chances of genuinely you and Sam being friends in 20 years are? Honestly, now. I, if it were on my terms, high chances.

35:03But... I feel like you give it the big one, but I think we will. What do you think the chances of you and I being friends are? I think we will. What the fuck? Like, because you told me you're not going to be friends with me anymore. I mean, I'll be honest with you, Sam. You're saying that like you're offended. You dropped her like a bad habit. Yeah. But I think you don't mean it. So let's say staying relevant doesn't exist. Yeah. All right. So let's say we've done really well. Maybe we've sold the company. We're doing whatever else. You've bought your yacht and your villa in Portugal. I live in, you know.

35:33On a farm. Yeah. You know, and that's my thing. I just come and see it. What do you think you'll be doing work-wise if staying relevant didn't exist?

35:44i i think people will have her own company um and i and i think what will actually happen is um we work for her no no we've invested in the company with silent partners and she just runs it and we're just living off the profits oh lovely oh that sounds great does that mean i can call her every day still uh you will still do that yeah nice but she at that point her and jack Jack will have had kids and whatever else. Jack has banned you from personal calls based on the fact that they're trying to raise the kids, not you. You've got your own family at that point. Your kids will all be having parties together.

36:20Oh my God. Yeah, yeah. Including Josh. Josh's daughter. Can I say that? Yeah, Josh's daughter. I hope my son gets your daughter. Josh's daughter will be 20. Josh's daughter will be 20 years old, so she won't be coming to the party. Wow. But yeah, it seems... Yeah, so you never know. It's a nice question, actually. Future's going to be interesting. I enjoyed that one. Also, right, so before we stop, we have an announcement. We don't often do announcements on the bonus pod, but listen, we are just launching and announcing shit all over the place. This is a very special time. It's been a long time in the making because effectively we were fucked over previously.

37:01So we've had to redo the entire thing. So we are adding a brand new Snapchat account. This is Hannah's baby. She's been working on it since she started here and we've only just realised that what we should do is just start again. Are we verified yet? We've not even started yet. So we've got an exclusive behind the scenes content Snapchat that you can't get anywhere else. And the Snapchat name is unsurprisingly staying relevant. So make sure you follow it. If you are on the old Snappy C, get yourself on that. If you're not on the Snappy C, then download it and get yourselves on it because it will be exclusive content run by the Hulk, Chuckles in the corner.

37:43I imagine it will mostly feature Sam, so you'll get a lot of Sam in the old Snapchat thing because I'm struggling with the other platforms that we're on. But you never know. I might make an appearance. So, you know, that will be exclusive for you, which is amazing. We've also set up an Amazon storefront. Yeah. so we've listed all our favourite and most used products and you can find the link to this in the bio on Instagram to see what we've selected so lots of exciting things happening you know and in 20 years time imagine how many followers we'll have on that Snapchat imagine how many things will be on the old Amazon storefront just imagine how many subscribers we'll have on YouTube yeah hey what a time to be alive guys and do you know what write in and tell us what you'll be doing in 20 years yeah oh will you still be listening to us?

38:30Probably not. Anyway, that'll do us, I think. We love you so much. Have a wonderful day, everybody. It's going to be a real good week. Yeah. Thanks for listening. Kisses. Yeah. Oh, God. Fuck me, that was awful. Mwah, mwah. Yeah. Ta-ra. This has been a Staying Relevant production.

38:59Thank you.

39:56The End and we'll diagnose your project and match you with the right pro for the job. Thumbtack. We know homes. Hire the right pro today. Here's a tip for you. There's a podcast out there with fans waiting to be your next customer. They tune in every week. They trust the host. And that host wants to talk about brands like yours in their own words to their audience. The problem is you just haven't been introduced yet. We're Acast, where that introduction happens. As the world's largest podcast marketplace, we let you browse shows, see who's listening, and book host-read sponsorships or run your own ads all from one platform.

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40:49Hello, Relevanters. we wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog Marry Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. So prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We're sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.