The episode that goes WAY too far

0:00Pro football is back, and so are the predictions. Trade yours on CalShe, America's number one prediction market platform. Indy takes on Kansas City, with Indy currently trading at 28 % to win. A$100 trade pays out$336 if they win. Download CalShe. Use code AUDIO25 to get$55 when you trade$25. K-A-L-S-H-I. CalShe. Trade what's next. 18 plus only. Restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors. CalShe products are not available in all jurisdictions. Prices, values, and available markets may differ from those mentioned.

0:31For more information, see calshe.com slash regulatory.

0:59And ZocDoc lets you search and compare local in-network doctors with over 250 ,000 providers across more than 200 specialties. You can read reviews from real patients, find a provider who feels like the right fit, see actual appointment openings, and book instantly. I recently had a last-minute health issue pop up and needed to see someone fast. And instead of calling around or sitting on hold, I found a doctor on ZocDoc and booked an appointment in just a few minutes. It made the whole process so much less stressful. Ready to be seen? Download the ZocDoc app today. That's ZocDoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C, and book that appointment on your to-do list.

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2:15That's F-O-R-H-E-R-S dot com slash eligible. ForHERS.com slash eligible. Weight loss by HERS is not available in all 50 states. We Go V is the registered trademark of Novo Nordisk AS. To get started and learn more, including important safety information, We Go V clinical study information and restrictions, visit ForHers.com.

2:39Welcome to... Oh no. Oh no. What was it, the wrong tone for welcome? Yeah, sorry. Welcome to Staying Relevant. Welcome to Staying Relevant. Oh, fuck me. Welcome to Staying Relevant, the podcast hosted by two bestest of best friends, Myself, Sam Thompson, and Peter, James, Jonathan, Joseph. I would just like to point out that I think we're nearing our sort of 200th episode. Are we? Pipsqueak.

3:09All right, so we're getting towards it. You've done over 150 episodes and it took you three goes to say welcome. It did. It did. Do you know what I watched recently, by the way? Olivia Bowen sent this to me. She goes, it came up on her for you page for some reason. Our first ever reality news. God. No, it's fucking brilliant. It's so funny. What's the theme tune?

3:37PTSD, that. Oh, so good. It made careers for everyone but us. Anyway, this is the bonus episode. So it's Thursday. You will be able to watch this on Sunday on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel. and Monday's main episode is already on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel as of 5pm last night. That means you can catch us on a... Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. Wonderful stuff. Rate, review, follow, do all of that sort of stuff. And as this is the bonus, we like to get you involved. When I say we, these guys like to get you involved. I mostly think you just send us Mindless Dribble. But if you do want to send us a Mindless Dribble, then send it to the worst email address in the world, which is hello at srproductions.co.uk.

4:23Shall we crack on? Let's crack on everybody. We've got an email. Actually, sorry, just before we crack on, I would just like to point out that, again, I am back. So normal service has resumed. Pippa is not going to be part of the bonus episode. I thought you did a sterling job, Pippa. How was it for you? Yeah, I was quite nervous, but it's not gone out yet. so I'll answer that when I see the reaction. So look, Pippa had a lot to, she actually sat in your chair. Did good old Pippa. Fucking hell. So hold on, so it was musical fucking chairs was it last week? Yeah, it was, yeah. We did a deep dive into you and we analysed you as a person in your absence.

5:04Sorry. So I had time off. Yeah. And what you did for the bonus episode. We psycho-analysed you. Quite a long time. Was just discuss me. Pretty much, yeah. Everyone was fascinated. So what did we discover then? Going on I'm a Celeb. Nothing then. No, we spoke about how you eat porridge and... Fuck me. Make sure you tune in to that bonus ep because what you'll be out to listen to is the fact that I'm not on I'm a Celeb, but I do like a bit of porridge. Right. So, emails. Do you want to crack on? Here we go. This is from Anonymous. Hi, guys. notice that Olive and Rose haven't been mentioned in a while, but I really enjoy those episodes, so I'm here to bring them back.

5:50And I have a specific question about your parenting methods. I love a bit of Olive and Rose. Would they have an allowance? And if so, is it for doing chores around the house or just a weekly pay? What are they allowed to spend the money on? And how much do they get? Love you and the pod for the non. Are you giving out Wait a second. and you've got that on camera. Did you just kiss your fingers for no reason? I didn't mean to. I was there. As I went... You went, well. You've got that on camera. What happened there? I don't know. Sam, are you all right? I'm just asking a question. Is it the stress of the kitchen?

6:31I don't know. I'm just feeling quite like... You're out of sorts today. I'm feeling very beforehand. I'm feeling very handsy. Are you giving a little bit of allowance?

6:49Depends on age. Okay, fine. So when are we starting? Well, I started work at 11. So I never had an allowance. I went and earned the money. I went and did paper rounds. Okay. You see it on your face. It was an uphill paper round, yeah. That's what they say. but it's different because have you ever seen Taken? or have you ever seen Blackphone? I've not seen Blackphone but Taken she did go to Paris I don't think I'm not letting my my young 11 year old I don't remember Liam Neeson chasing after the fucking Albanians because they nicked her from the paper round okay fine so she's doing a paper round no no it's listen it's my little olive she can have what she wants any money she wants pretty much yeah oh fuck yeah That's a bit dicey.

7:39But. New pair of tits. Not 11, I don't think. No, no, no. Sorry, not 11. Not 11. But Olive's grown up a little bit. This is a great question, actually. You can't get tits until you're 18. Yeah, no, no, of course. Yeah, no, no. Obviously not 11. You can't pre. No, it can't be 16. I'm not letting Rose go anywhere near that. No, too young. Too young. Yeah, but that's a medical reason. You don't medically need a big set of fucking bangers, do you? Pippa's just done the research. It's 18. Yeah, it's 18. Okay, 18 years old, she comes up to you, Daddy Pete, you've always said I can have anything I want.

8:14I'd really love, you know, a pair of breasts. Right. I mean, there's a couple. Oh, this is such a dangerous area. That's probably what you'd say, I imagine. So you'd start it. No, I'm on it. Okay, right. Okay. Why? I know this is a bit awkward, but, you know, I just feel like you said you'd always give me, you know, whatever I want monetarily. Why do you want a new set of fucking tits? Why don't I? Well, Dad. You know, I don't feel like I want to say. Well, then I don't feel like I want to give you any money. Okay, fine. Well, look. You know. Why do you? It would make me feel more confident about myself.

8:56Then go as big as you want, darling. Okay, so I want double E's.

9:03Dad. alright okay cool we'll give it up if it makes you happy lovely if it makes you feel body confident I would like a BBL then you go get yourself a big pair of fucking jubblies I would like a BBL please as well and a why? actually no because they're dangerous no but I'll go to one that isn't dangerous I just want a big big ass BBLs are us I want like a dump truck based on the language that you're using I don't feel like it's for body confident I feel like it's because you want to clap them cheeks in which case my daughter is not doing that. We'll start with the tits and we'll discuss. Okay, fine.

9:38We'll move on from there. What about, all right, what have Rose said to you? I don't know. So Rose has come up to you, little Rose. She's gone, father, father. Because that's how Rose will speak. Could I have some new breasts? I can imagine now me calling up Pete for advice. I'd be like, do whatever makes you happy. Of course, of course you can. But you have to do it for the right reasons and you have to make sure it's for you and not for boys or girls or whoever. It's got to be for your own confidence and who you want to be, not for other people's validation. Olive, comes to you. Dad, just had the dump truck.

10:15Why does Olive speak like Gary from fucking Workstamp B &Q? Dad, dad. Dead, dead. Just dead, dead, dead. Dead. We're going to leave it there before we come to blows. Hello, Peter and Sam. As well as a long time staying relevant listener, I'm also a huge GLS fan. And so you could imagine my face when I thought that Sam was about to come out on stage at the Cardiff Night One show. I was completely wrong and was absolutely pranked by JLS when they only showed virtual Sam teaching everyone the iconic dance. I want to know how many takes it took to film that from Sam. Also, I love the pod and all the other work you both do.

10:53Me and my boyfriend have recently bought a house and based on how much we have loved for dog's sake, we are looking for a dog for the new house. P.S. Pete, I love that you mentioned enjoying mariachi bands. I love them too there's so much to get through I think we start with mariachi bands obviously I think it's important to start with a marriage hey Macarena now how's it go again one and a two no that's still Macarena how's it go I don't know but I'm enjoying it now there's another one there is when you said there's a lot to get through in this email I'm going to be honest with you I don't think there is.

11:34Great. You love mariachi bands. Good luck with a dog. Make sure you get one that suits your lifestyle. No, Sam wasn't there in Cardiff. It was a virtual one, as you know. How long did it take you to learn the dogs? Well, actually, we should ask Pippa, because Pippa actually filmed that for me in the airport to Vegas. And what, so what is it then? It's me doing the left, right, left, right, up, down, and it shows every one of their shows. Everyone thinks I'm going to come out, and then they come out and go, what, adieu? So it's kind of a little bit of a tease. Oh, you. I do you, Ismael, do you, Ismael?

12:03You, I'll tell you what, you and them jazz, you're just crazy. You know what I mean? They're like, well, Sam's coming, Sam's coming. No, he's not, he's a video. Fucking naughty bastard. Biffa filmed it as well. She had a hand to play in that as well. So they play you in Heathrow Airport doing Everybody in Love. Yeah.

12:24Yeah. on their sellout tour every night, they've got Sam Thompson in an airport filmed by producer Pippa showing everyone how to put their hands in the air. Pretty much. Are you going to be doing it live at any point? Is that on the cards? How long are they on tour for? Do you know what? It's nearly coming to an end. I think it finishes in London at the O2 and they do two dates to the O2. Oh, you could make a fucking return to... Return of the... I can't. I don't know why I did that. Return of... I've lost the fucking thought. No, sorry. Go on. Pray tell what you were going to do there, sir. Return of the mech.

13:09Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to do. Yeah, that's exactly what I was going to do. Really good. Return of the mech. Fuck me. I can't. I can't. And I haven't told Marv yet, but they've moved... A while ago, they moved my I'm a Celeb unpack dates. Oh, you can't get to the shed? So I can't. No, I can't. Oh, you're in Australia. So annoyingly, I can't do the O2, which is fucking annoying. Well, maybe you can do them a dance from the jungle and they can play that at the O2, just to mix it up a bit. Because I'll tell you what, now people are expecting the airport one. So when you go, hey, hey, you think it's the airport one?

13:44No, he's in the jungle. You fucking teasers. Hey, you naughty fuckers. Oh well that's a shame And you have performed With them before though On Was it Saturday Night Takeaway Maybe I have I did Saturday Night Takeaway And I've actually done one At one of their gigs as well So I've done a fair amount To be fair But yeah I really would have loved To do that The O2 It would have been really fun Thanks for the email As I thought It didn't take too long To get through it And we did try and drag it out As if it was interesting So we spoke about Jealous For a bit Let's move on to Bigger news Oh huge news Up the GBU Up the GBU We've got massive news here.

14:21No loss for two weeks now. Two weeks ago, we had a 2-2 draw. And this week, the game was called off. Question time. Question time. So, you know, honestly. Just get relegated again so we can have some fun. Because then you were okay in that league. This is obviously, it's too much of a jump up. Well, no, they weren't okay either. Oh, yeah, you got promoted by default, actually, didn't they? I got promoted because there was fucking too many teams or something. You know what I mean? It's not even like you weren't it. Fucking shitters. Spanked straight back down. So we are going to gloss over that ever so slightly.

15:00We do have their photo right bang in the middle of our studio.

15:08So that's where they play. You want to fucking wind up?

15:14That's a squad. That's not even just a team of 11. So they've got enough people to... And they still pick the shit ones. Yeah. Why have we got that there? They sent it to us. Why? Did they frame it themselves? Yeah. Quite sweet. Quite sweet, that. So I'm really sorry. I'm slightly confused here. So what we're doing, right, with the thousands of people that watch this podcast, the award-winning podcast, is we've got them fuckers in the middle who can't even win one game a season. They've not won one game. Yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's not just like make that a final. Well, until they win a game, fuck it off.

16:02I actually really like the kit. I'm going to put it out there. Really big fan of it. Oh, well, listen, there'll be about 16 of them up for grabs later on at the end of this season because them fuckers won't be wearing them again. I will personally go collect the fucking... If they don't win a game, I will personally ask... Give me that back. Everyone give your shirts back. Give me it back. Without apologising for people on social media. If they go a whole season without winning a game, I'll tell you what, I want me money back.

16:33He's not even joking. He's being deadly serious. I fucking ain't joking. For your health, GBU, we're going to move on to question time. it started off being funny I know I know do you know what I mean it started off with a fucking yeah we're sponsoring a football team wouldn't it be a right laugh and a couple of lads up north and we're going to do this interview on BBC yeah we sponsored the fucking football team we went on the fucking BBC and went I'll tell you what watch out Tom Brady it's like Ryan Reynolds and you **** haven't even won a game how embarrassing how are we going to show our faces on BBC again

17:08we're going to be like I've actually turned down the one show because I'm too fucking embarrassed about going back to the BBC. It's a fucking joke. But please do, you know, we still... We've got no money left. He lives in a shed now on this morning. We still love you a lot. And he can't change the marble in the kitchen for the third time this year. He's had to leave that. It's just the cupboard's getting dug.

17:32Go on then, Pete. We've got a couple of questions. Why don't you fire us away? Jesus Christ. My blood pressure's not good today. Actually, no, this one's actually about you, so I'm going to have to do this one. Okay, cool. I wish you must. This is a really random question. Compete, please, list as many items as possible that you can find on a building site. I don't know why that's come through.

18:04Pro Football is back, and so are the predictions. Trade yours on CalShea, America's number one prediction market platform. Indy takes on Kansas City, with Indy currently trading at 28 % to win. A$100 trade pays out$336 if they win. Download CalShea. Use code AUDIO25 to get$55 when you trade$25. K-A-L-S-H-I. CalShea. Trade what's next. 18 plus only. Restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors. CalShea products are not available in all jurisdictions. Prices, values, and available markets may differ from those mentioned.

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20:45We're obviously struggling for content here. So, Pippa, how many did you scroll through to find that? I think I'll wait. What? It's so shit, it's almost good. A fucking podcast in ruin. I've been gone a week. Can Pete please list as many items as possible that you can find on a building site? Fire away. Have you got any? Do you seriously want me to? Yeah. We might as well, mate. High-vis, hard hat, excavator, dust sheets, power tools hammers fucking all of that sort of shit what are we laughing at that's not even scaffolding fault lift this is mental I find this really funny it's got no bearing on the pod but this whoever's done that is fucking hilarious I mean it's just fucking stupid what else have you got oh there's always like a fucking half-drunk cup of builder's tea, isn't there?

21:56You know what I mean? There's all our fucking bits hanging in it and that. Chisel, trowel, spade, scaffolding,

22:12metre level. What's a metre level? Spirit level, I mean. That's the one, not metre level. There's a lot in there. Wheelbarrow. Rubble, concrete, steel girders. There's a lot in there. It's a fucking... I don't understand what... How much space is there? Well, it's a fucking big site, isn't it? I don't know. It's not a little one, is it? Oh, God. What? I can't... We can't do... I don't want to do this anymore. This fucking podcast lost the fucking shot. The building site's quite big normally. What's a building site? They're building things. They're building things. Yeah. I think you've nailed everything.

22:58Tractor, did you get a tractor? It's not a farm. Oh, okay. That'd be fucking stupid. Why would you have a tractor there? Can you put a lorry in there? Yeah, if it's dumping stuff off. What's it dumping off? What is wrong with you all? This is all fucking... I don't know, materials. What kind of materials? Concrete. A skip. There'll be a skip. Obviously. I can't understand. Why are you all having a panic attack about this? Oh, God. For, um... Have I got that wrong, I'm saying? No, no, mate. That's all fairly fucking standard stuff. No, mate. Dude, it's whatever makes you feel comfortable. What doesn't make me feel comfortable?

23:42I'm just answering the fucking question. Do you feel comfortable with those amount of things? Or could you do more?

23:50Well, yeah. you could always do more if you it depends what you're doing it depends what you're building doesn't it how much more how much more could you do well like I don't know like if you're building one house then you won't need like if you're building like a complex you'll need like a couple of forklifts you'll need a couple of these things like you'll need extras how many extras that's got to be uncomfortable though isn't it well it's more uncomfortable until you don't have all the right kit. You want to fucking borrow someone's wheelbarrow, do you? What's put in that? Well, yeah, because it'd take you fucking ages.

24:33I mean, if you're sharing a wheelbarrow... What is wrong with you all?

24:48Oh my god I don't mean I can leave you lot again Because you've all fucking lost the plot Oh And For For digital purposes We're going to ask Pete what have you got up your ass today nothing what

25:15I've never laughed so much in my life I have never laughed so much in my life

25:23does someone want to fill me in here I think you've done that I think you've done that yourself what the fuck is wrong with you all

25:41is someone gonna fucking say something oh my god um right so me and Pete are going to say what we put up me and Pete are gonna say what we put up our ass today for me nothing for Pete nothing

26:04I think we just leave it and just wait for the magic. What should we tell him? You can tell him. There's a trend going around where you basically, I can't, I'm seeing stars, where you basically, you go, me and my boyfriend are going to talk about what we put up our asses today. For me, nothing. And then they turn the camera to their boyfriend and they don't know, so they ask them just to list things. You've just listed. Oh, for fuck's sake. What? Tump truck, cement mixer, half-drunk builder's tea. You don't want to use someone else's wheelbarrow because it would take ages. Does someone want to fill me in?

26:54I'm glad you all had a lovely time. Oh, my God. So that isn't a question from a listener? No. we've had lots of questions asking us to ask you that for a purpose though so technically yes honestly i don't think i've laughed like that in like two years i don't know like fucking a long time i genuinely i can't think of a time i've cried tears when i'm laughing wow oh i thought you could be the deaf of me at one point the cough really came back it was when the two-man wheelbarrow came in. I still don't get it. Oh, Pete. There's a reason you get headlocked and licked. It's because people love you.

27:41Kim Kardashian, Pete, failed her bar exam. I'm not answering anything now. I don't even know if you're going to have an answer to this one. She failed her bar exam to become a lawyer for the third time this week, but has vowed to keep studying. Would the boys ever train in something new slash follow a new career path. God, I'd fucking love to, especially after today. Politics, maybe. Oh, no. Oh, what would I like to do?

28:15I'd like to be a gamekeeper. Oh, lovely. Like a safari gamekeeper? Oh, brilliant. With lions and tigers. A nice conservation, you know what I mean? All nice. Just fucking out at one with a land and that. But weirdly, my dream was to buy a small patch of land in a safari game reserve and just build a little house in there. So maybe you could be a park ranger on my game reserve. I'd pick something else.

28:45What about you? Are you all right? No, I'm not, honestly. Have you just fucking coughed up a lung? I feel like I have. I've been ill. What would you like to do? What would you retrain him? Oh, gosh darn it. Well, I mean, I wanted to be a professional rock climber at one point. Oh, God, I do remember this. Yeah, that was something I really wanted to do. But I don't know if that actually is a real thing. But yeah, something with the outdoors. Rock climbing is real. Yeah, but professional. We've done it. Professional rock climber. Yeah, it's a real thing. Well, maybe be a professional rock climber then.

29:19I'm sure they do it in the Olympics, don't they? Rock climbing. Yeah, they do it in the Olympics. and then you get, what's the fella? Alan something. Alan Harnold. Alex Harnold. The guy who does the free solo. The old man. Oh, no, the guy who does the free solo. No, the old guy now that does all the free, he's like the first one to ever do it that climbs all the buildings with no harnesses and shit. You sure it's not Alex Harnold? It's Alan something, isn't it? The old, type in old guy Alan climbs. I don't know why you'd have to put it in a sentence. Old guy Alan climbs. Alan something. Robert?

29:53Alan Robert is a famous free solo climber. Yeah, that's the guy. And he's about fucking 65. Fucking incredible. I'd like to be a professional climber. All right. And like, where? Well, just anywhere, really. Anywhere that there's a face to climb. How do you, yeah. A face to climb? Yeah. Any sort of face that you can climb? Mountain face? Mountain face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, got you. Not sort of. Yeah. All right, excellent. Well, I think we all had fun at the building site there. So I think that's us done for the day. Oh, no, we've got one more thing. Josh, actually, this is interesting.

30:31Before we go, Josh has a small ask for the audience. And it must be important because it's in bold. Yeah, ooh, what have we got? It is very important. It's time for the important stuff. So all to do with YouTube. So YouTube hype is a feature that allows viewers to give points to eligible videos from emerging creators to help them get more visibility. viewers can use up to three free hypes per week what's he doing i don't know this is this is this is my remit it's you like money yeah yeah right so viewers can use up to three free hypes per week on videos that are less than seven days old from channels with 500 to 500 000 subscribers videos with the most hype points are added to a weekly country specific leaderboard and may also receive a hyped badge to help them stand out so if you watch this on youtube and you want to see pete with a hyped badge give us your hype points thank you back to you pete oh back to you in the studio.

31:37A couple of things. Based on that, I don't think it was supposed to be word for word. I think it was just supposed to explain roughly about this hype badge thing and then, you know what I mean? But you went word for word. And what I did like is the emphasis on country. That was odd. I wasn't aware I did that. Yeah. Sorry. But good info though. Yeah, yeah, no, no, but honestly, mate, for future reference, stay off the mic. That's hype points. Oh, you didn't listen. Right, that'll do us for the day, I think. Thank you so much for listening to what Pete's had up his arse today with Staying Relevant.

32:14Talk to me so to my two best friends. Just for reference, like, you know, none of those things are fucking Jaxi. My Jaxi? My Jaxi? What the fuck is that? That's a new one, Nick and that. Stick it in my Jaxi. I need another week off. This has been a Staying Relevant production. Pro Football is back, and so are the predictions. Trade yours on CalShea, America's number one prediction market platform. Indy takes on Kansas City, with Indy currently trading at 28 % to win. A$100 trade pays out$336 if they win. Download CalShea. Use code AUDIO25 to get$55 when you trade$25. K-A-L-S-H-I. CalShea. Trade what's next.

32:5818-plus only. Restrictions and eligibility requirements apply. Event contract trading involves risk and may not be suitable for all investors. CalShe products are not available in all jurisdictions. Prices, values, and available markets may differ from those mentioned. For more information, see calshe.com slash regulatory.

33:35KFC 94, Till vs. Romero. Watch it live only on DAZN. Sign up now at DAZN.com. We ask podcast fans where they take the most notice of a brand. The lowest scoring answer is repetition inside a single show. But move that identical message across audio and video podcasts, across podcasts and social media clips, or having several creators talk about it, and your campaign will get a 10-point increase in brand recall. That's just one finding in the latest Podcast Pulse 2026 report from Acast. Download it for free at acast.com slash pulse.

34:13Hello Relevanters! We wanted to let you know that you can hear exclusive bonus episodes of Staying Relevant every month on Amazon Music. We are going to be playing Snog Marry Avoid, one of our favourite games, all with fictional characters. so prepare yourself for Sam to snog Woody from Toy Story and for me to marry Pocahontas. And possibly the genie from Aladdin. We don't know yet. We were sort of like undecided on that one. That's an avoid for me, that one, genie. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.