Vicky Pattison talks about THAT viral moment

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1:25Wayfair, every style, every home. Welcome to Staying Relevant, the podcast hosted by two best friends, me, Pete Wicks and Sam Thompson, but Sam Thompson isn't here. So we have got Vicky Patterson to join us for the bonus episode. Woo! We hope you enjoyed the main episode and I'd just like to point out and apologise publicly for the crying. We are going to attempt to get through the bonus without crying. I can't promise no. No. but we'll see what we can do this episode contains swearing if you don't like it then as always yes fuck off we love that as this is the bonus episode it is generally all about you so if you want to be part of the episode or you want to get in touch with us then email hello at srproductions.co.uk make sure you rate, review do all of that sort of stuff bonus episode comes out on a Thursday as you know which is today you'll be able to watch this on Sunday on Josh and Kira's YouTube channel from 5pm and the main episode you can now watch on Josh's YouTube channel, Josh and Kira's YouTube channel, from 5pm as of last night.

2:28So that means that you can catch us on a... Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Sunday. Yeah. I did it? Well done. Thank you. God, that's a big spiel. You've got that in it. Yes. Does Sam ever do any of the spiel? He does welcome to stand relevant.

2:47He does the intro normally. It feels weird me doing that bit. But yeah. So we have been flooded with questions for you because we mentioned that you were going to be on the pod. So these are listener questions. Questions? Questions. Listener questions. I think you nailed it. Thank you so much. So we are going to start. Quite a lot of them are strictly related, obviously. We want to know, because I've said this before about Yvita, I couldn't have done strictly without Yvita. and she was the only person and I would never have got as far as what I did without her. If you hadn't have been with Kai, who would you have wanted to be partnered with?

3:28So, gosh, I love Kai so much. And going through this experience with anyone else, I don't think I would have had as good of an experience. He's really calm, really kind, really measured, a very good teacher, great choreographer. I think I just love him. So I'm really happy with who they put me with. I think they smashed that. if I was going to do it with anyone else and it couldn't be a Vida, I think I would have liked to do it with Johannes. So he would have been my second choice. Darling. Darling. I fucking love him. He's honestly the nicest fella. And he's got like a real energy about him and Kai are best mates, which makes sense.

4:06But like, he's just got a really nice energy and way about him. Yeah, he's fucking brilliant. We love Johannes. We do. Claudia and Tess. Okay. Leaving. I know, right? Who do you think should do it? Me and you. Can you imagine? No. It would be a fucking car craver. Who would you be, Tess or Claudia? I would have to. Well, if I'm doing it with you, you have to be Claudia. What? You can't fucking be Tess. Are you joking? Like you couldn't. You've just. I'm not getting into this. I'm not saying why. But you would have to do the banter upstairs. I don't know. I feel like what they should do is have three and have someone to do Tess.

4:48Yep. And then me and you should do Claudia. Okay, now that is something I can get behind. Although I don't think anyone would get a fucking word in edgeways. Yeah, basically just turn it an hour show. Yeah. And everything. It would just be like, and welcome to Pete and Vic. Talking about something they know fuck all about for an hour. So you just danced well done. Vic, how's your week been? Well, it's literally how it'll be. I think, sorry, I've got a really itchy bottom of me foot. Oh, that's nice. I'm really shocked about Tess and Claude. Everyone expected me to have some sort of like inside goss because we were on the show, Erkan sent me Tess's statement.

5:21That's how we found out. He's like, have you seen this? And me and Kai were like, what? Both so shocked. I have no idea the reason behind it. I will just say, like, they're both proper girls, girls. They're brilliant. They're unreal. Tess still messages me now saying she's missing us. I fucking love her. Do you know what? It was really weird, actually. During Strictly, Tess was always one of the people that would come up to me and fucking, she was just brilliant. Tess and Claudia were amazing. Yeah. Tess was really, really fought my corner on a lot of things. She was so fucking kind. I absolutely love Tess and Claudia.

5:56Such a warmth to them. Whoever takes over that is going to have a fucking struggle because they are fucking great. Strictly isn't Strictly without Tess and Claudia. And honestly, Pete, like I know we joke, but I actually wouldn't want really to step into those shows because they're huge ones to fill. The girls have done a fantastic job. um and I just think whoever does it next will undoubtedly face like a lot of criticism and as you've seen I'm not great with criticism like I just like people to be nice so I don't know who's going to do it but I think it's going to be quite a spicy one um I one of the hardest things about this process for me has been not saying Tess and Claude because I love Tess, Claude and Kai I miss them all so much um do you think you'll keep in touch this isn't from listeners it's from me do you think you'll keep in touch with anyone specifically from strictly so i had like a birthday a couple weeks ago funnily enough on the day i went out of strictly thanks for that yes the day she went out was her birthday it was her birthday the day after so i was away at this point with with eric and um so she had birthday drinks on the sunday night after she'd been kicked out so it's not funny no it was awful but i got so pissed but i got so pissed but you know when you have to kind of like, I don't know what the word is, like psych yourself up to go and be like, it's my birthday.

7:15And I spoke to her in the morning of your birthday and she was crying down the phone to me. And I thought, oh, these birthday drinks are going to be tough. Do you know what, mate? I was like, I have to go and be a birthday bear after I have had my heart broken a little bit, which is like a hard one to navigate. But you know, it really kickstarted the healing process, really. Like if I'd wallowed and stayed in the house and everything else, Like I think I would have been sadder for longer, but I went out and Chris Rob, Sean, his wife came who I fucking love. Yeah. So yeah, Chris. So I did say yes with Chris.

7:47Did you? Yeah. He is one of the best men in the world. Chris is fucking brilliant. One of the best men in the world. Like I will fight you on that. George came, Kaz came, Carlos came, Yuvita came, Alexis came, Kai came with his girlfriend, Chloe. Strictly came. Yeah. Everybody came. And I was like standing there and I thought there'd be a part of us. That was a bit like, Oh, like sad. Like I'm not going to, But I think relationships, friendships, they are what you make them. They're there if you put the effort in. And just because I'm not doing the show doesn't mean I'm not going to be their friends.

8:14I think I'd like to be George Clark and Kaz Carney's friend forever. Also, Bal. Julian. I love Julian and his girlfriend. Kai and Chloe. I don't know. Maybe I'm romanticising it because I'm still a little bit in the bubble. But I want to be friends with everyone forever. The next one, I don't believe this is a listener question. I believe this has come from Pippa. Go on. Is Pete a good texter? texter yeah um you have your moments so you and people discuss this at the o2 and it's like a running thing that everyone that knows me says that i don't reply he doesn't so he's notoriously ignorant in a virtual sense but like in real life obviously pete is so personable so fun like great to conversate with but over message i would say on average i'll send three before i'll get one back and mine get progressively more unhinged.

9:07Keep talking. I'm going to find a voice note. I'll be like, hey, babe, you all right? And then I'll get no reply. So I'll be like, hey, babe, just checking in. And then the third one, I'll be like, are you fucking dead? And then after that, I start sending voice notes saying I'm going to set him on fire if he doesn't reply. I'm not the best. The reason that I know Pip has asked this question is because when we were in Vegas, we had a day off. Now, it's quite intense. You know what I'm like, I'm used to being on my own quite a lot. You need time to decompress. We had a couple of days. So we had a day off.

9:35I didn't reply to Pippa. So her instant reaction was that I died. Multiple messages. When I actually came down the day after and said hello to everyone, she literally went, oh my God, thank God. I went, what? She went, I thought you died. Yeah. Like genuinely. Babe, I swear, like all the women in your life feel this way about you. Like we know he is like a capable, successful, strong, independent man. but I swear to God when you ignore it like I have stages of panic so for the initial stage it's very much like ah just Pete being Pete and then it's like well what if it's not and then the third level is like contact his friends and family and then I go straight like my agent like have you spoke to Pete no I thought you would have spoken to Pete now you will be added to that text Jane Pip and then me final port of call is always your mum yeah and then the point of call once she's spoken to someone that I'm okay is to send me a voice note saying see you if you don't fucking reply, blah, blah, blah.

10:31And then I'm like, hi. But then I do always threaten death, which is ironic because that's what I'm so worried about. She's worried. And then when she finds that I'm not dead, it's like she's disappointed and threatens to kill me. Fucking mental. You worry us. You worry us. Well, listen, you don't have to fucking worry. I'm always fine. I'm, you know what I mean? I'm just fucking rolling around. Just doing my thing, innit? Just being an ignorant little bitch. Just being an ignorant little bitch. Right, this is a good one. If you had a normal job for a day, what would it be? I would like to be a vet.

11:04I know. I don't think I'd be a very good one. No. I would be terrible. I would be like, oh, this operational effect is going to be hard or sad. I'm not doing it. I don't think you, yeah, I personally, I love the sentiment behind it. I think you'd be an awful vet. Yeah. I also would take all the dogs home. Yes. I would steal the dogs. Well, it's more how can you perform sort of intricate surgery? whilst crying. Yeah, that would be hard too. So hang on, right, maybe that's not good then. What else could I do? Do you know what I think you'd be great at? Go on. I think you'd be great if you had a market stall.

11:38That's a bit of a fucking curveball. Well, can you imagine? If you went to like a market stall or like your own, I would buy anything from you. Roll up, roll up! You can do it in your accent. Oh, okay, sorry. This isn't like what accent would you have with your new job. Right. This is just if you had a new job, you're still you. Okay. You're still from Newcastle. You're still a Geordie. So you haven't sort of like, I've got a new job and become a Cockney. Yeah, sorry. I just, I mean, whenever you say a market stall, my mind goes to Tom Skinner. But now I know. Bush! Yeah, I could do a market stall.

12:06I also, no, I think that's it. I think you'd be great at anything sales related. No, actually, Pete, that's a lie. So before I started my journey into TV, I was working at Sky and I used to have to try and sell the telly, like sell all the channels and that. And like old ladies would ring up on that and be like, oh, I've seen I can get Sky TV and broadband for 25 quid. And I'd be like, it's a fucking lie, Edith. I'm really sorry. It is a fucking marketing ploy. I'll tell you for why. You'll get your basic channels, mate. I says, if you want your sports or your fucking movies, that's extra. I says, your Wi-Fi will be slow.

12:43I says, don't waste your money. I used to talk people out of this. I got, honestly, I remember my boss dragging us in and being like, Vicky, fucking please tell me you're going on this Geordie Shore thing because I cannot keep doing this job any longer. And I was like, I'm just waiting to hear back, Lee. I'm really sorry. I'm hoping I am because honestly, I was so shit. I'm too honest. So if I was selling something good, it'd be fine. But if I'm selling something a little bit like, ooh, spicy, oh, I'd be shite. Well, let's put it to the test. So the Stan Millenburg book is available. Sell it. Let me get it.

13:20I can't wait. I don't know where this is going.

13:26Prepare yourselves guys, strap in. She's just going to have a little rave, get to know the products first. Okay. Buy it.

13:41This is a book about staying relevant and it weighs the right amount for a book. and it's got like over two. Yeah, you should be a vet. Yeah, maybe it's actually still a vet. Yeah, yeah, not so good. Will Seagal, 350 pages. That's canny for a book, like in terms of money's worth. It's big font. It does sound weighty actually. It's fucking heavy. Okay, so this one is going to be an interesting one and actually someone's asked me about this previously. You went viral. Oh God. You know where it was coming? It's one of two things. Okay, tell me what you think one of the two things are. It's either having a Scottish accent or necking on with me dog.

14:25It's necking on with your dog.

14:29If you're going to expect me to be sorry, I'm not. I'm not. And do you know what? Yeah. I stand with you. Listen, like, they are my children, right? And Max is an affectionate little boy and he licks me face and sometimes gets me mouth. And I honestly don't feel any type of way about it. Everyone expects us to be sorry. Fuck off. I'm not sorry. And also the fact that that went so viral, it ended up on Loose Women is absolutely criminal. It ended up, oh, I didn't realise it went that viral. It went on Loose Women. And you know what they said? They were like, I would, this is criminal. They were all telling me how bad and disgusting I was.

15:05And then someone said, you want to find out what happened in her childhood? As if I was like shagging dogs as a kid in that. I was like, I'm really not being funny, but like, you need to stop with this narrative. I just love me puppy. No, honestly. Like I was a fucking notorious dog shagger in the northeast.

15:26It's amazing how you've turned around your career since those sort of dark moments. Well, listen, you can't watch for dog's sake then because, I mean, I'm a dog slut. I was going to say, it's like my porn. Literally, constantly. Okay, all right, fine. Good, we like that one. We've also got some advice to give, all right? So I'm going to run something past you that someone has asked a specific question. Oh, I'm giving advice? Yes, you. Oh, this feels above my pay grade. No, I feel like this is going to be good because, and I don't know why they specifically are, because they don't normally ask us for advice.

16:01There's lots of reasons for that. My life's a car crash and Sam is Sam. But someone specifically asked for your advice about this. Okay. Can I make a move on my boss at my Christmas party or is it too awkward? Right, my pal sucked off. Sorry.

16:22I just want to point out, I really hope that this isn't from anyone in this office. Because I'm just going to point out there, no, you cannot. It will be awkward. Don't do it. All right? So, Josh, this is from Anon. Anon! So, can you make a move on your boss at Christmas party? um so my my pal sucked off her boss right at i think it was a halloween party um i'm not gonna mention any names but they're now married with three kids oh yeah so like good blow job yeah best blozzin game um but so all i'm gonna say is like i know there's all these like you know rules and sort of things like that but like I just think love's love and if you really like someone I don't think it matters whether they're your boss or you work with them or whatever.

17:18I mean obviously you could go tits up which you've got to prepare yourself for do the positives outweigh the negatives and all that sort of thing but I think nothing ventured, nothing gained. Give them a bra's under the Christmas train hold for the best.

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19:03Don't ask me for advice again I'm here for advice I like this Yeah that's good Forget the box of fucking celebrations Go for the blog Yeah If you and I This is a question for you and I If we could control each other's lives for a day What would you do? Oh god I mean I think you seem to be doing quite a good job on your own Like there's Oh no the behind the scenes is a mess Is it? Yeah If you could control my life, what would you do? If you were me for a day? Oh, I'd get you to bed at a decent time. Yeah, nice. I would. I love the first thing that comes into your mind is just get a good night's sleep.

19:39Yeah, no, I would get you to have a good night's sleep. I'd get you to eat right. I'd get you. You always do look like you could do with a decent meal. Wellness. Yeah. You'd go, yeah. Wellness. Get a full body health check. Yeah, go for an MRI. Yeah, I'd go for that. And then I'd make you go on a date with like a really nice woman. Oh. Just like a nice one, but like fun as well. Like I'm fun. You can be nice and fun. And also like she can have a little bit of edge and she's got a dog and she's really fun. And she likes me. God, this woman sounds great. But yeah, that's who I'd send you on a date with.

20:13Would you have sex with her? Me or you? Well, you're me. Oh, yeah. I would shag her. I would shag her. Do you know what? If I was you for a day, I would just appreciate being in a nice committed relationship. and I'd spend all day just walking Max and Milo. Oh, they're the fucking duck's nuts, mate, aren't they? They are. I mean, they are, I don't want to say they're badly behaved. Oh, they're so naughty, you can say it. But filming Gogglebox, it was, because we filmed at Vic's house rather than mine. The bunker. Yeah, and it was, I mean, day one, one of the dogs was on the coffee table. We obviously ate snacks all day with the dogs.

20:56I mean, it was sort of like one for you, one for me, one for you, one for me. It was half a pound of cheese, didn't it? Oh, that's all we ate was cheese. Cheese. And piccadilly. I love piccadilly. Yeah, I know. I don't understand. Right, you all know what piccadilly is? I don't know. I don't think people do. Yeah, but it's like got a mustardy taste too, right? Yeah, but it's like a range of different kind of gherkins, broccoli, all kind of pickled in a kind of a sweet mustardy fucking sauce. Who doesn't love piccadilly? There was this moment on Gogglebox. But I was just eating it with a spoon at the jar.

21:26I fucking love it. There's this moment and like, apparently I didn't know this beforehand, but apparently getting that final spot of an episode is a really coveted spot to have. They always end with something really funny. And I'm sitting there watching a clip from Love Island and I'm like doing this really impassioned speech. Feminist fucking women's rights about this, that and the other. Oh, I'm like so ready to burn my bra. I'm like, I thought we were past this narrative of women blaming other women. and I'm, I thought we were, and I go on and on and on for ages. And then I just look over at Pete and he goes, can I finish this jar of Piccadilly?

22:03And I was like, yeah, have the fucking Piccadilly. I really like Piccadilly. But honestly, it is just fucking great. If you've not, listen, if you're listening to this and you haven't had Piccadilly, go and get yourself a fucking jar this Christmas. If you are looking to get news pans, Josh, that's Piccadilly's the way. Okay. I think we've answered all the questions there for a non. A non. We've also, someone has wrote in, and this is quite a good one actually I imagine we're going to get deep here, this is where she's going to get on her high horse Oh god What do you say to people who say that guys and girls can't be friends?

22:34Oh, it's just such trash, it's so bollocks Like I think if you can't be trusted around a member of the opposite sex To have a platonic and engaging relationship I think you need to look at yourself Like for me, I see energies with people like I am absolutely yes I can acknowledge you're a fucking wicked bit of kit Pete you're a good looking man but for me what I like about you is that you're funny is that you're smart is that you respect me you make us feel happy and content in your company like you should that's how you should be viewing people how they make you feel what their worth is you know it shouldn't be about whether they're a girl or a boy some of my best relationships are with men you and Gav yeah absolutely um and i couldn't used to be near for me times in my life where nobody else wanted to be and i think if you are so fixated on whether your friend is a girl or a boy you're going to miss out on brilliant things wonderful things and you can get things from a male female friendship that you can't get from a girl's one so no i'd say that is just absolute bollocks and um i love you i uh i completely and utterly agree with you some of the people close in fact almost everyone yeah almost everyone that is close to me is a woman yeah like almost everyone which is which is wild um okay also i just want to congratulate you as well there because you held it together i didn't cry no i'm so proud of myself i think i'm dehydrated from ever crying so do i we've Never had a guest who's left a puddle.

24:15Incredible. Right. What is the most unhinged habit about each other we need to know about? I mean, she's proved hers. It's that you cannot get through being around Vic without tears. I cry. And it's because she's so emotionally invested in those around her. So it's for a lovely reason. But, I mean, it's just... It is unhinged. It's just... You can literally say anything. Right. I've been out with Vic. when we'd be doing a job and you'd be doing a funny kind of street thing and a dog walks past, really happy fucking dog. The dog is over the moon living his best life but he's got a bald patch. But he's bald!

24:57What? It's fucking mental. Do you not remember when I cried when we were doing goggle box because the old man didn't get to the place first? No, right. Race across the world, we're watching this. Race across the world, there's two lads and they're fucking going through it. And when she says old man, 50s, right? Petey. So yeah, like my age. And they were really trying to get across and they weren't really upset and they got there and they thought they got there first. And then suddenly I think you have to sign in or saying, and there was another name. And she's, I was going, oh, fucking hell. Looked to her, she's going, but they really wanted to get there first.

25:28And I was like, the fuck? The fuck is wrong with you? I know. Honestly, I don't know what to tell you. Like I keep everything so close to me, like so close to the surface. You're an emotional sponge. Yeah, I'm honestly a wreck. Like an irk, my husband, like is so the other way. Like I call him robot Ramadan. Like I'm absolutely convinced. His surname's Ramadan, by the way, just in case. It's his surname. But yeah, and I'm like, oh, I just feel like you charge yourself at night rather than going to sleep, blah, blah, blah. He is so like, not like me. And I'm obviously really, really emotional. But I think I need people like you and irk, you know, to balance me out because I am so unhinged.

26:09I think yours is, it's got to be your texting. It's got to be the ignorance. Because I joke, but honestly, I do worry. I do worry. And I wish, like, I worried less because it honestly just costs me so much in Botox. It does. It costs me so much to worry about you. You are aging me. Well, listen, I'm doing you a favouring because you look fucking great. I do love Botox. we've got before we get on on to something that has become a um what's the word i'm looking for running theme yeah running thing that exactly see a running theme on this podcast um we also have something that we have started doing every year on this and um it's becomes all the bane of my life because it's just supposed to be like a kind of a little fun thing we do secret santa every year oh nice i like secret santa yes we've done Secret Centre.

27:02What's your budget? I think that's really important. Just the£20. I think that's a decent amount. I think you can get something good for that. Yeah. So if we were doing Secret Centre, right, what would you get me? I'd probably get you a really obnoxious pair of Christmas pyjamas. Oh, so, okay. I thought we were best mates. No, but I think that would be funny. I like ones where like, I don't know, maybe you were like a half naked Mrs. Claus or something on the outfit. Yeah. I think, no, I think I do like something like muggy. Would you not? That's what Secret Centre is, isn't it? You have a laugh.

27:36Well, I'm caught in two minds about what to do for my Secret Centre person. Who you got? Well, I can't tell you. Well, just voice back on. Oh, mics. Do you know what I mean? Text me. I don't, I can't, I can't explain this. No, I can't. But do I? So am I supposed to? Because this year, I'm going to be honest with you, Last year, Pippa bought the Secret Santa presents for Sam and I. Right, what did you get? For the people that we had. No, I bought them pretending to be them. Yeah. This year, I've said everyone has to take it upon themselves to genuinely do Secret Santa, including me. So you're going to take your own face.

28:12So I don't know whether to go **** or to be nice. No, I think go ****. Because I never really know where to get someone. So what I do is give envelopes of cash, Gemini. You sent... Like a mafia boss. You sent a round of tequilas to my birthday via our agent. Yes. Which actually I really appreciated if I'm honest, I did with five. So you are better at gifts than you think. But yeah, tell me who you've got after this and I can help, but I'm not doing it for you. I know, fuck off. Honestly, I have to buy all of Urkan's presents. I have enough useless men in my life. I do not need another one. What are you doing for Christmas?

28:51So we, honestly, the best of intentions, like I always end up chasing my tail in December like trying to get all your ducks in a row and get all those loose ends tied up before you sort of go and start a new year so I'm always exhausted so it's really boring but I love to just bay in my pages with the dogs watching Christmas films and eating so much cheese This is the second time you've mentioned pyjamas I don't wear pyjamas because I've mentioned numerous times So you just sleep me a dick out? I walk around the fucking flat with me dick out. Do you? I hate being naked. I fucking hate it. Oh, no, listen.

29:29I'm fucking rock out with your cock out, darling. Really? Yeah. Why? What's the necessity? Also, everyone thinks I'm a bit mental for this. Go on. So apparently there's a thing, indoor and outdoor clothes. I got dressed this morning. As you know, like I always get up early and I go and fucking do, and I'll be dressed. And then I will stay like this, even when I go home. I'll sit and watch the telly like this. I won't even take my boots off. this is me for the day until tomorrow you fucking why is it right Pippa you're looking in fucking shot everyone thinks that's mental it is mental would you sit on your bed in that outfit well there's no need for me to sit on the bed but would you yeah what do you mean I'll literally go I'm not even joking and I'll sit like this and watch the telly no so the minute I get in the house I take my clothes off and put my jammers on no bra off hair extensions out like sit at seconds transformation.

30:21When we did Gogglebox, she got pyjamas for me to sit and watch the fucking show in. I did, with my face on. And he didn't take them home. I sometimes wear them. It's just weird when I sit with my face on myself. Yeah, that is fucking weird. And Urkan won't let me sleep in the ones with your face on. Well, yeah, I mean, that is slightly odd. He's like, you can fucking take them off and off. Yeah, so is that weird then? Does it just... Yeah, a little bit, babe. Do you feel really comfortable like this? Well, I'm not fussed about comfort. Do you know what I mean? See, this is the problem, babes. You need to start getting really comfortable.

30:55I don't think I've ever felt comfortable in anything. Yeah, so get comfortable. I'm going to get you... Whoever's got him for secret Santa, get him like a wicked onesie or some pages or something. You have got fucking no chance of me wearing a onesie. What about some nice slippers, at least? I've got slippers. Have you? Surely you get out of them Chelsea boots when you get home. No, I don't really wear the slippers. Let your fucking feet out of foot prison and go to slip by heaven? No, listen, I'm literally, I will go home. I'll stay in the fucking lot and I will literally go home, have a coffee or whatever, say hello to fucking Eric and fucking whatever else and I'll go and sit on the sofa like this and put the telly on and I'll sit like that.

31:39No. Oh God, honestly, I actually am getting like psychopath vibes from this behaviour. Sometimes I won't even put the telly on, I'll just go sit and I've said this before and everyone thinks it's fucking many. I could sit and stare at nothing for hours. You're unwell. Like that is truly concerning, babe. What about the voices in your head? If I don't keep myself completely like distracted and amused all the time, my mind goes to really dark places. No, I'm chill. Oh no, he's embraced the darkness. I'm really scared for you. I'm born in the dark. That was Bane. Just a really bad. I got the reference.

32:15God, it's like Sam then. I just did a Sam, didn't I? Do you miss him? Yeah, of course I do. We love, I mean, it's amazing having you in. As my fucking co-host, it's great for the day. Thank you. We should do this more often. I'm always available for you guys. Right, now we're going to get onto the big stuff. Oh, okay. Sam and I have Olive and Rose. Of course, yeah. They're hypothetical daughters. Which is not weird at all. no it's um it's mental isn't it as someone who knows me so well what do you think i'd be like as a father to olive so protective i think you'd be so protective like i've seen your skits where you're like fucking like sort of like acting like cool uncle pete and i do think for example if you're going to be the godfather to my children i think there will be an absolute element of you being cool uncle pete and i want that i want that influence in their life like if they're ever scared to tell me anything I want them to feel like they can go to you and say I don't know I fucking got drunk here I chagged this fella I did whatever like I want them to be able to talk to you if they can't feel anything talk to me so your cool uncle Pete vibe is great in that respect but as a parent I think you'll be more like your relationship with me and you are quite protective and you are very very supportive and also like a very very emotionally intelligent which I don't think you give yourself credit for, I think you'll be a great dad.

33:37But I do think you'll be more protective than cool. Well, based on that, I'm going to give you a scenario. Okay, go on. Olive, my daughter. I love the name. She's 18. Okay. She's bringing home a boyfriend. Oh, God. And also, just in the hypothetical situation, her mum's dead. Is she under the patio, Brookside style? For now. Oh, God. So, and the reason we're sad is I'm a single father. Of course you are. I've started to sweat from behind the knees. This hypothetical is making me nervous. So 18-year-old Olive has brought home a new boyfriend. First time I've met him. Yeah, yeah. He's 10 years older.

34:16Oh, creep. God, honestly. How do you think? So let's imagine, there I am, and Olive says to me, so I've met this guy, I want him to come and fucking meet you. And I say, yeah, listen, absolutely. You fucking bring him round here. We'll have a bit of dinner. Yeah. she walks through the door and this fella fucking walks in and i look at him and i think you don't look 18 rough paper round and now he could be like me because at 18 i looked fucking 40 so it could just be that yeah just have that sort of rough paper round uphill paper round kind of look but then he says to me well no obviously there's a little bit of an age gap my reaction what do you think i think you'll set him on fire i think you will no i'm sorry but like that's how I would react if my daughter brought home someone that much older.

35:03I just get such the ache from like older guys dating considerably younger women, like especially when the age gaps were like that. What, so ladies, 10 years? 10 years is a bit much, especially when the girl's 18. So I'd set him on fire. Yeah, right. So you would set him on fire. That's the end. Excellent. So he would join Olive's mum? Yeah, onto the patio. No, I just think you would intimidate him. I think even I just looked at you sitting in this chair and you're giving me like mob boss vibes. So many of my exes were always scared of you and they'd act like they weren't and they were desperate for your approval.

35:37And it would just be a whole thing. What do you mean? Hold on. This is new information. No, they would be so like, oh, wanting to impress people, not wanting to act like they were trying to impress people. And then wanting the, oh, it was just such a thing. I'll tell you what's funny is I do remember, I always say this to fucking people. I don't know what it is. It's fucking weird. but one of Vic's ex who thought he was a proper fucking lad and the guy was about 6 foot 4 fucking big jawley fellow thought he was a bit of a fucking boy thought he was a bit of a gangster himself and I remember whenever I kind of met him he turned into a fucking puppy and he used to make me feel sick because he was so far up my arse and she was going I've never really seen him you know what I'm talking about and she was like I've never really seen him and I'd be like tell the c*** to leave me alone but I'd literally want to talk to Vic and she'd be Pete, Pete, Pete and I before I'd met him she told me he thinks he's a bit of a boy by the arms like well we'll see about that won't we we'll see and I used to think to myself what the fuck is this little fucking funny tit about but I don't know why though I'm not fucking but you have an aura about you and it's like people there's a magnetism to you like people want to be your friend I don't want them to be and this is what I don't understand But that's part of it.

36:54It is part of it, isn't it? Like you're so, it's not like you're playing hard to get you genuinely just are a miserable c***. So I think people are more like, oh God, want to impress him, want to, and you're cool. So like girls want to date, your boys want to be you. And it's a thing like that. So I think you will absolutely crush the spirit of this older creepy fella who was trying to date Olive. And actually I'm all for it. I don't think 28 year old fellas should be going out with 18 year old girls. All right. So based on this kind of hypothetical situation. Okay. All right. I'm going to be a L 'Azante.

37:27No. Well, yes. But you genuinely, and I mean this as well, you would also be a godmother. Yes, I know. Like you fully would. I would kill you if I wasn't. Yeah, no, no, you absolutely would. You'd be a fucking credible godmother. There's so much death in this podcast. Is this just because of me? Is there normally this much talk of death? Oh, yeah. Okay. We just don't want the listeners to be surprised when it happens. Oh, fine. Okay, fine. You know what I mean? Like, you know, they all know. They all know. They all know. Every week we release a new thing, everyone goes, you know what I mean? Because you just, yeah.

37:55He's alive. I don't know what I'm doing. You panicked then. I did. Like we were going to do something. What are we doing? We're just leaving. Oh, okay, we're going. Oh, is it finished? Yeah, it's just a bonus episode. Well, I'll tell you what, unless you want to add anything you want to add, is there anything whilst we're on the pod that would you like to ask me anything? is it oh are you okay I've got itchy side okay it's finished now okay good anything you want to add to the bonus or after your day at Staying Relevant how do you feel it's the first time you've been in the studio how's your day at Staying Relevant been I love Staying Relevant and I love the new studio and I love the team and I love you and I've had a really nice time and with the risk of sounding like sick of a bitch because I love Sam and your dynamic is great I hope he goes away more often so I can come back more often that's all I want to say okay well on that note as well Vicky He also has a podcast, Get a Grip.

38:48It's so lovely. With Angela, which is fucking fabulous. Go and listen to it. And I genuinely mean that go and listen to it because Vicky's on it and it's amazing. And anything Vicky is on is amazing. So thank you for being here. We love you. Oh, and also, and I shouldn't say this because we are on Rival stations, but on HART, when is your slot on HART? Oh, I do. 4 to 7 on a Saturday. 4 to 7 on a Saturday, which I believe is the same time as Sam. No, it is here this morning Saturday. So listen to Sam on Hits And then listen to Vicky on Heart And then come to Kiss for Sunday And then you have all three of us for the whole weekend Don't go out, don't do anything Just listen to us on the weekend Just sit in the car But thank you, we love you And yeah, that's it Ta-da, motherfuckers, flags Bye bitches

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42:23That's an avoid for me, that one, Jimmy. I don't know. I quite like it. Listen to monthly bonus episodes exclusively on Amazon Music and enjoy ad-free listening on Amazon Music for all episodes of Staying Relevant with your Prime membership.