#76 - ANGELICA STIGLIANO - A CONVERSATION ABOUT MARRIAGE, CAREERS & STABILITY

28:35I think that's the dream. And I think that's just what I'm working towards getting to getting to. And I think on that end of it for me, I've become so comfortable with the unpredictability of your career. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. But like, I feel like I have such a good home base now here where we are with our friends and our family so close.

29:14I'm so good with you going wherever you want to go. You're almost like head out. See you later. Me and Bugo get the whole bed. No, I'm kidding. But like, I think there's, I hope that there's comfort. You feel comfort in knowing that I'm okay. Well, that's part of the reason we moved back here. Yeah. And it was a sacrifice for me to be further away from the sort of hubs like Philly, New York, different airports or whatever. Like where we live, there is no film industry at all, really. I mean, 30 minutes away, Netflix is building a 100-acre thing, wherever. But besides that, commercially, where my jobs currently are, and I have to drive at minimum an hour and a half per job.

30:08One way. One way, which prior was 20 minutes, 30 minutes. Yeah. Sometimes further, obviously. But we decided to do that. we decided to sacrifice that in order for us to be able to feel like we have a better home life with our friends and family. And I think that does help make it a lot easier for me to be able to go away longer because I know that it's not that you'll just be home in this house and you feel safe in this house. It's because we have a friend a mile away, another friend a mile away, and your your family 20 minutes away my mom 20 minutes away there's a huge support system here and I think that was a huge burden that I think was lifted off my shoulders of deciding what jobs were worth it or not in the time

31:07yeah and i think the other thing that we maybe me that we like counter each other sometimes too is like you do want to take everything and i feel like the only times that i like pull you back in is if there is some sort of like family event.

31:32Because there was a point where like that didn't matter. Yeah. But also because we were far away. So like it wasn't an option anyway. But like now that we're home. I also think it's that, sorry to interrupt you. I think it's that, but I think it's also my development of who I am and what I value as success, which is a whole other topic we can get into and priorities. Because I think for a long time, I didn't necessarily dive deeper into what I deemed as successful or what fulfilled me. It was more of like, okay, to be quote unquote successful means that you need to be working on set, doing a job every day or else - Yeah, like drop everything else.

32:19Drop everything what you do and go work on set. That is the definition of what a successful filmmaker looks like. To some people, for sure, that is that. And that's totally fine. But I think I was pursuing that because that's what I thought is what meant success in that field, in this field. But as I've dug deeper into me and gone through a lot of ups and downs and started questioning a lot more about what I deem as a successful life, a fulfilled life, I think I've started to introduce family and friends a lot more into that and see the value of what that brings me in my life, the joy it brings me, which also then translates into how I show up to work, how I interact with people, how I communicate with people, how I lead a project.

33:09I think it just brings a level of humility and just human nature to whatever it is that you're doing that I found to be way more valuable than I think I thought it was a couple years ago. Initially, yeah.

33:28I think overall, there have been a lot of benefits.

33:35I don't think any cons really to moving back. Not just my gas bill, how much I have to pay in gas, but it's not that bad. You're saying like... My car gas. Your car gas. Not my gas. I mean, it's winter now, so the gas bill is not going to be fantastic. That's like, why are you bringing that up right now? Yeah, your travel expense. Yeah, but it's okay. I think that expense is worth... That expense is worth... Having a nice yard. Having a driveway and a house and a yard and friends and family. but going off of what I was kind of talking about defining your version of success and fulfillment what do you think yours is at this moment can you rephrase what is success look like to you in your life right now and in your future um

34:37I think being able to find that sustainability

34:49in pursuing this freelance career

35:09that provides

35:15I don't want to say multiple streams of income, but like different streams. now let me challenge you a little bit on this do you feel

35:31do you feel that there's also value and i know your answer is yes but i want you to sort of elaborate on it i don't even know the question the value of choosing to pursue something that you love to set an example of what your life can look like for children? Huh? Does that make sense? I didn't understand. Okay. We'll rephrase that. One day, we obviously want to have kids. Instead of thinking so much on success as being monetary, for example, do you think that a version of success could also be the fact that you decided to pursue something and continue to pursue something that brings you joy and fulfillment, which then sets a good example for your kids of what they could look up to in parents, is what I was trying to say.

36:33I think this whole idea of being able to step away from a traditional job setting

36:42was to give myself the time to build something so that by the time we do have kids, one, I can be home with them,

36:58and two, to be able to set that example

37:04of creating a life that you want to live and this whole idea of i always get it mixed up but like work to live yeah to work yeah it's like the american versus european european way of living and just like even with the costs of everything increasing right now and just how expensive life is in general

37:38people having to work two or three jobs just to get by where I feel like there is so much opportunity with social media at our fingertips and being able to build something that you love, that you enjoy doing, which I'm not saying is easy. It's hard. It's probably the one thing that you've taught me. You said when you leave your job, you will be working 10 times harder and more than when you were at that job, which is 100 % true. But it doesn't feel as hard to do. Yeah, because I enjoy doing it. So I'm willing to put the time in or the overtime in.

38:35because it's what I enjoy doing. So I don't know if I answered your question, but yes,

38:51my version of success is being able to build something that allows me to stay home.

39:04but also set a good example of what opportunities could be available if you

39:18try to pursue them. My one question is, was there one moment this year that made you think, Yep, I married the right person. Oh boy.

39:41I'll let you ponder.

39:49Or, you want me to ask the other question? Sure, because that's super specific. What strengths do you think each of us bring to the relationship so you have to answer for yourself and then you also have to answer what you think my strength is

40:10that i bring to this incredible loving relationship yeah i think what i bring start there yeah go ahead i think what i bring is ambition

40:36I guess that's it you can elaborate I'm trying to think of any other adjectives but it seems like I'm limited on what I feel like I bring

40:53I feel like I bring ambition, but also a level of guidance, especially as you started to pursue this new career, I think that my ambition is driven to find continual growth and sustainability and stuff for our family to be able to feel safe and live a prosperous, healthy life in a way that I feel happy to do. Like I find joy in what I do and to be able to create that I think is part of why I'm so ambitious and always trying to create something. I think the other one, what was the other one I said? Guidance. I think guidance I feel like is something that I have innately in me, not necessarily only with you, but I just think in my personality, especially with what I do on the podcast and YouTube and even Chivo, this new thing, is just trying to help people and use what I've learned and what I continue to learn to hopefully give someone, give you a bit of an easier roadmap, not necessarily to find success, but to clear a path for you to take one next step in whatever it is that you're trying to do.

42:28And I think that I hopefully continually do that for you and hopefully provide an atmosphere and a space for you to feel like you can do that. Yeah, I don't think I would have been able to do this if it weren't for you. Well, thanks. I think mainly because everybody else in our life was like, don't quit your job. Yeah, of course. Are you sure? I know it's not easy. But you were definitely the one telling me to leave. I just have this weird theory. And I remember telling, I told somebody about this. Oh, it was at Kelsey and Antonio's wedding rehearsal dinner. When we were talking to, yeah, their friends.

43:20Yeah, when we were talking to their friends, she was talking about how she wasn't necessarily in love with her job or something like that. I think I just, I said something, and this is what I really believe in that. I feel like a lot of people choose to continue to work in a career like a normal nine-to-five style job. And I hate using that because I don't want it to be degrading. Like that's not a degrading. I don't mean that nine-to-fives are bad. I really don't. I don't want it to come across that way. But I'm just talking about it in context of doing that job over something that you potentially really love to do instead.

43:56And I think that people often mistake the definition of safety with feeling that a nine to five will give you safety and stability forever. When in reality, that job can easily fire you. You don't necessarily always have a job in that space. Whereas some people look at self-employment or running a business or content as risky because there's no weekly paycheck. There's no bi-weekly paycheck. There's no benefits. There's no matching your retirement account. But I look at it as I feel the safety net is pursuing something that you love because without it, you run the risk of losing who you are as a person by doing something and pursuing something that you don't love and that you're not passionate about.

45:00And you do it only to find that quote unquote safety. And again, I know that everyone's circumstance is different, but I think for me the safety was not in the financial safety of a nine-to-five but the safety of securing who I am and what I want to become and pursuing things that help me get towards that goal does that make sense 100 % just don't know how we got there I don't know but you have to go back I have to go back what do you bring to the table what do I bring to the table what strengths do I bring to our relationship? I think groundedness. I think you helped me bring, you bring, not bring me down, but I think you helped me settle a little bit and be here and be with you and be with family, be present.

45:56I think that since being with you, especially in the last couple of years in particular, you've really helped me see the importance of family more and just being here in the moment. I think that you bring this motherly instinct to our relationship that I need. I'm your mom? No. I said instinct. Instinct in that you care for me deeply. And obviously there's an obligation because we're married, but without it, I think your natural instinct is to truly just care about people and take care of people and see the good in people and help people out of whatever it is that they are feeling. And more often than not, I'm always dealing with something, whether that's good or bad, I'm being pushed and pulled in many different directions daily.

46:54And I think you help me recognize those things and ask me about them. And I think to me, that just shows that you really care about how I'm feeling and trying to make me feel, not feel better, but just feel like someone is there listening to me. So I think those are two off the top of my head that I think are really valuable to me about you. Thanks. I guess it's my turn. Oh yeah. So I agree with what you said about me.

47:34I feel like maybe you might disagree with this sometimes, but I feel like I bring a sense of peace to our home.

47:55maybe not when i get my zoomies but like for the most part midnight for the most part i feel like i've tried to create a space and a home for us and for you so that when you are coming back from a job that you just worked 15 hours a day, you know that you can step into the house and feel this overwhelming sense of calmness and peace and be able to like unwind and relax. 100 % feel that.

48:45which

48:49I think I enjoy being able to provide that

48:58because sometimes I feel like I don't provide enough but I think that's where your strengths come in

49:10of wanting to protect and provide for our family and seeing how much you are willing to sacrifice and work

49:33in all the different avenues and paths that you're pursuing

49:43to be the provider for our family. I think we find, we have found that really good balance.

49:59between us. Do you feel that too? I do. I think there's still tons of room for improvement in there. Because I know that sometimes you still struggle a little bit with feeling like you're doing enough or whatever. But I think it is just recognizing but i also not to interrupt you i think that's also society yes that like puts that in my head right of this like boss hustle culture boss babe mentality which is great i like applaud people and women who do that but i don't know if that's what i want. I think that's important because that's what I was talking about before is finding what success looks like to you and not what society defines success as.

51:09I think it's really hard to get to the point where you can actually make a decision to take that next step towards that version of success for yourself and not that next step towards that version of success which society deems as being the gold standard, perhaps. And like something that I didn't mention before when we were talking about how or what I view success as, I think part of what I love about what I do too is,

51:46yes, in knowing that I can help other people,

51:54but I think it's also

51:59hearing feedback, and I don't know if that's, like, just validation, but, like, in knowing that I've made changes or improvements in people's lives to, like, live a better quality of life. Like, I feel like when I hear that or when people tell me that, I feel like what I'm doing matters. And I felt that in my last position as well,

52:36but it was very far and few in between.

52:44and now because I've built this

52:53and put in

52:58all the time and effort that I can seeing the results that come out of it

53:11just make me realize that I do find a lot of joy and see that as successful as well. So I feel like there's multiple aspects in my life where I see success or envision success.

53:37last question is what do you think there's what is one thing that you think you want to improve on in this upcoming year putting myself out there more i'm nervous but i think it's more of just

53:58fear of what people say, what people think.

54:06It goes away. I just gotta let it go. It's not easy to just let it go, though. I know. But I feel like I have a lot more to offer, but that's holding me back right now. Mm-hmm. I don't feel like I've reached that. Next step, yeah. Next step. Okay. So something you want to improve on is building up the confidence to start opening up more about yourself publicly. And sharing more about what you want to talk about and hopefully invite people to see more of the things that you value. Yeah. I also think the hardest part about pursuing all of this is the idea of like documenting everything almost, you know, like you wake up, there's the day in my lives, the get ready with me.

55:12So whatever that social media does, content creators do, where then I struggle with this whole idea of living in the moment, not being on your phone 24-7. So I feel like that has really held me back in being able to figure out where I lay or lie. I think it's about building a routine to decipher when you want to do one thing or another. I think building a routine where you go into that day understanding, okay, today is going to be a day where I try to create some content. Yeah, like content bulking. Exactly. And then some days you wake up knowing, I'm not going to really show anything today. Today I just want to be who I am, present without any sort of - It's finding that balance.

56:13Yeah. I think it's just figuring out what that routine looks like for you. So that could be - It's a goal. A goal or something to set forth. as you move on this year.

56:26And how about for you?

56:38I think I just need to give... Yeah, what? No, tell me. Tell me. Tell me. I don't know if we're running out of time. A little. What time do you have class? It's 12.15. I have like five more minutes. I just wanted to ask you where you see this next year going in regards to your physical training, your strength training, your races, your... I don't know. What's a goal of yours for this next year? Do another one or two high rocks races at least. Go under an hour in doubles. And I know we're getting in the weeds with this a little bit, but I think something that Carmine and I always talk about, who is for those that don't know my workout partner, is finding more routine and structure within our fitness life.

57:43Because we work out six days a week together. And five out of the six days, we don't necessarily know what we're doing until we ask ourselves, so what do you want to do today? And I think that is limiting our potential and what we could actually become in this fitness world because we're not structured and building based on science or based on a regimented plan, but we're going more based on feeling. and a lot of the times when you go based on feeling, what you do in that workout is strongly dictated by how you feel. And if you don't feel well, that workout will most likely not be as good. You probably won't go as hard.

58:27You probably won't do things that you would normally try to do. But if there's a regimented schedule, you take feelings out of it and you start to build a structure that is built on goals and growth, not just based on how you feel that day. So I think a goal for us, and we continue to talk about it, him and I, is just trying to figure out how we can build that routine and structure, whether that's coaching or figuring out a plan ourselves or making one ourselves. You know, your wife and her best friend. I know. You guys can do it for us, I guess. Could do that for you. Yeah. So that's the goal.

59:05But other than that, the one thing is just giving myself a little more grace. I think I'm really hard on myself all the time. I often think that I'm not doing a lot. I'm not doing enough. I think the normal thing. But I think if I sit back and look at what I'm building, what I'm creating, what I have done, I should be proud of the path that I've created already so far. Tie this in there, but it's a practice in yoga that I talk about often. It is called Santosha, which is the idea of contentment. And I talk about it often in my class because I feel like we do live in a society and a culture that is always reaching and striving and wants the next thing and needs the best this or whatever it is.

1:00:03But this idea of contentment allows us to find peace and gratitude for the things that we've done already, the things that we do have in our life, our health, our home, the food that we could put on our table, the things that you've built already, the community that you have. So I think everybody needs to practice Santosha a little more. The idea of contentment doesn't mean you're not working towards something. Doesn't mean that you're giving up. It just reflects on where you are in your life, where you have gotten to at that point already. Well, we're going to end on Santosha. Santosha. Gratitude.

1:01:00And contentment. Beautiful. Good job. Yeah, nice job. This was fun. We going to do this again? Yeah, I'll see you in a year and a half. No, we should do it more often. Just coming and passing. Yeah, I feel like this is our like having that conversation that we said that we need to have more. Okay. Maybe we don't need to set up the lights and the lights. I don't mind doing this. Gives me another podcast to put out. But it was good. So thanks. Thank you. Thanks for having me on. Yeah, you're welcome. Where can people find you? Um, on, oh my God, do you ask people that? Of course. Oh, now I'm nervous.

1:01:39Because most people have things that they want to share. They have projects. I'd love to continue to share if you're looking for recovery or mobility training or just yoga stretches. You can find me on Chiva Collective. But also my Instagram is Jellica, G-E-L-I-C-C-C-A. Three C's. Three C's. All right. Thanks. Well, hopefully you enjoyed today's episode, everyone. See you next time. Peace out.