In short
Podcast Summary: The Daily Motivation - Episode 489
Podcast Overview Title: The Daily Motivation Host: Lewis Howes Description: This podcast emphasizes the power of the stories we tell ourselves and how they shape our lives. Lewis Howes, a top podcaster and best-selling author, shares insights from leading experts to help listeners stay motivated.
Episode Title
The Power of LISTENING Before RESPONDING Guest: Rener Gracie Episode Focus: Rener Gracie shares his insights on applying martial arts principles, particularly from Jiu-Jitsu, to business and interpersonal relationships.
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Key Concepts
- Principle of Kazushi
- Definition: In Jiu-Jitsu, one cannot unbalance an opponent without first understanding their balance.
- Application: This principle is not only applicable in fighting but also in life situations, such as business negotiations and personal interactions.
- Listening First
- Core Idea: Before attempting to communicate your perspective, it is vital to listen and understand the other party’s viewpoint.
- Importance: Listening builds rapport and understanding, which can lead to more effective communication and conflict resolution.
- Case Study: Handling a Negative Review
- Scenario: Rener recounts a situation where a mother posted a scathing one-star review about her daughter's first class at his school.
- Initial Reaction: His first impulse was defensive, feeling affronted by the review.
- Shift in Approach: Instead of reacting defensively, he chose to listen to the mother's concerns and validate her feelings.
Key Takeaways from the Case Study
- Understanding vs. Defensiveness: Gracie's shift from a defensive stance to one of understanding transformed the interaction.
- Validation of Experience: He acknowledged that the mother’s experience was valid and deserved change.
- Proactive Resolution: Gracie offered a private session for the mother and daughter to ensure a positive introduction to Jiu-Jitsu.
- Outcome: The mother and daughter had a great experience, leading to ongoing participation in the program.
Insights on Conflict Resolution
- Yielding Non-Combatively: The importance of yielding in a conversation to foster understanding and connection.
- Transforming Critics into Advocates: By listening and addressing concerns, a negative experience can be transformed into a positive relationship.
Conclusion
- Rener Gracie's approach exemplifies the effectiveness of understanding before responding, a key concept that can be applied in various aspects of life.
- Lewis Howes encourages listeners to adopt this mindset not only in business but also in everyday interactions.
Further Engagement
- Listen to the Full Episode: [The Daily Motivation Show](https://link.chtbl.com/1488-pod)
- Sign Up for the Greatness Newsletter: [Greatness Newsletter](https://info.lewishowes.com/newsletter?source=podcast-post-roll)
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Final Thoughts
- The podcast emphasizes the importance of listening as a tool for building connections and resolving conflicts. By applying the principles of Kazushi from Jiu-Jitsu, individuals can navigate difficult conversations more effectively and create a positive outcome.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.
0:10In Jiu Jitsu, you cannot break the balance of a subject, of a person, whose balance you don't first understand. Wow. If I want to trip you, I need to understand why you're structurally sound where you stand, or where you sit, or where you kneel. Once I understand the essence of your base, or your pyramid, is another principle, the pyramid principle. once I understand the structure of your pyramid, only then can I break the pyramid and off-balance you. So if that's true in a fight, every day you practice Jiu-Jitsu, you learn when applying Kazushi principle to life. You must seek first to understand whoever it is, their way of thinking, their motives, their concerns, before you aim to change their way of thinking to be more in alignment with your own.
0:57Whether you're selling an idea, whether you're trying to recruit someone for an initiative at work, whether you're trying to convince your kids that we should go this way instead of that way on a particular thing in their youth, whatever it is. Wow. See, first to understand, then to be understood. A mom brought her daughter in for a class. The daughter was five years old for our little champs class in Gracie Bullyproof, our kids program. The mom brings her in. Terrible first experience. I wasn't the one teaching the class, and I can say that now enthusiastically because we've changed everything to make sure this never happens again.
1:26She basically went on Yelp, and she wrote this review that was the most scathing one-star Yelp review I've ever gotten. Oh my gosh, I went in there. Nobody noticed us. No one talked to us on our first day. My daughter got paired up with another girl. It was a terrible experience. This, that, and the other. It's all about why. Nobody noticed her when she was struggling with the technique. No one helped her. Just scathing. My impulse was, how dare her. Right, right, right. Disgrace us with a review like this. My impulse. It's the fight back instead of, no, no, hold on. Kazushi, jujitsu, yield, understand, acceptance principle.
1:56So in this case, I said, hold on. She's not wrong. She deserves better than what she got. I called all my managers to the office, and I said, guys, listen to this. And I put on a speaker, and I called the mom. I didn't know what was going to happen. I'm going in. And I get on this call with her, and I say, Myra, I see that you had a really unpleasant first experience with your daughter here. Can you tell me more about it? Oh, well, Henry, this is the owner? Yeah, this is the owner of the school. Oh, wow. Thank you for calling. Yeah, I'm happy to. I want to know everything. Bro, she just let it go.
2:28Long talk, every detail. And I'm validating and I'm listening and I'm understanding and I'm putting myself in her shoes. I have kids as well now, so this is meaningful to me. So I'm going in with her all the way. At the very end, I say, Myra, I'm so sorry that this happened to your daughter. You trusted us with her first class and we did not deserve that trust. We did not uphold and we did not deliver the introduction to jiu-jitsu that she deserved. I say, let me say this. First of all, based on what you wrote and what we now understand, changes are already being implemented so that no student, boy or girl, ever experiences this once in the future in our Gracie Bullyproof program.
3:03This will never happen again. That was the first and the last. I said, number two, that's for everyone else, for you. We need your daughter to get the introduction that she deserves. So what I'd like to do is I'd like to offer you a private session with myself. And I want you, mom, to be there with your daughter. And I want to introduce you guys to jiu-jitsu the way it should be done. we did it. I brought one of our female instructors, Bobby, with me to assist and we had the best class ever, laughing, playing games, jiu-jitsu. The mom was elated because she said, Henner, I always wanted to do jiu-jitsu.
3:37I couldn't afford it as a kid and now I can for my daughter. So the fact that you brought me in to try this is amazing. Not only did the daughter continue after this, both of them continued learning jiu-jitsu. And I said, guys, one class, I'm glad you loved it, but I also want to sponsor a month of free private classes so that you guys can really get into the swing of things and then after that you can continue however you want. If we deserve you, everything changed because I sought first to understand then to be understood. Kazushi principle applied to business in this case and relationships.
4:07Wow, it's beautiful, man. It's a great principle and hard to do when you feel like you're on the defense or someone's attacking you or someone's judging you or someone doesn't understand you and they're just talking about whatever you want to say from their perspective. It's hard to listen, drop your guard, connect. And you could have still made all those offers on that call and they could have said, screw you, I don't want to do anything. But the moment I opened the call, it was so jujitsu, Lewis. When I first spoke to her, it was so yield. It was noncombative. It was so deescalatory and so truly seeking to understand her that she felt that from the first word that came out of my mouth.
4:57Thank you so much for listening to today's episode of The Daily Motivation, and I hope you have an amazing rest of your day. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to click the link in the description. That will take you to the full episode of our main podcast on The School of Greatness. And if you are loving The Daily Motivation, please follow us over on Apple Podcasts and Spotify and leave us a review over on Apple podcast right now. And if you want more exclusive content and ad free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel on Apple podcast right now. And if you want to get even more inspiration from our world class guests and learn how to improve your life and take it to the next level, then make sure to sign up for the greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com slash newsletter.
5:47Again, have an amazing day and I'll see you tomorrow with another episode of the Daily Motivation Show.
From the publisher
Jiu-jitsu master Rener Gracie details leveraging martial arts principles in business and relationships. He recounts a scathing review from a mother whose child had a terrible first class. Gracie exemplifies the Japanese concept of understanding an opponent's balance before attacking it. Instead of defending his school, he intently listened to fully grasp the woman's perspective. After validating her experience, Gracie ensured changes so it wouldn't repeat. His yield-focused, non-combative approach completely shifted the interaction. He advocates seeking to understand first, accepting responsibility regardless of fault. This wisdom enabled turning an critic into an advocate.
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