Become the Master of Your Own Destiny Feat. Sadhguru

25:31And even going back a little bit to what you said is something I've been working on the last couple months is who am I now and I think I'm a better human I think I am a lot more conscious in just what existing is and I am more grateful every single day I didn't go the opposite way I I went more I've always had a lot of gratitude for life but now it's different I'm so grateful for the chance to wake up every single morning and make choices. And I'm also grateful to experience really awful, terrible things. Yeah. Because how am I going to get through this? I can get through this. I can choose a different life.

26:09I can make a lesson of it and I can encourage other people to not do this. I can encourage people to live this way. And, and I just choose to, I don't know. I, it's such a complex question for me is it's a lot of things, but I also don't have the exact answer. I'm going to give you a weird one. This is one like people are going to go, this is a bizarre thing to say, but if you actually think about it, I might be right. Some of the most difficult things I've gone through in my life, and I've not had to gone through what you've gone through. So I don't want to equate those at all. In some weird way, one of the ancillary gifts God's given me through them is some of the pressures off me now.

26:43And what I mean by that is like, you're so successful in your career, but I'll bet before this that success in that career probably meant a little more to you than it does now. It almost like takes the pressure off. Like you kind of start to understand there's an end to this for all of us. It's going to be okay either way. And to some weird way, even when my dad passed away, he lived a full life, but it's straight. One of the tiny gifts was some of the pressure was off me. Like I watched this man I love, like his career mattered, but at the end, like how much did it matter? Do you know what I'm saying?

27:16And so in some odd way, it's almost like I'm just running up the score. Yeah. I get to run up the score. Either way, I win. I'm alive. Does that make any sense at all? No, it does. It takes some pressure off in odd ways. I actually do. Maybe even an answer kind of like what I've been feeling without being able to articulate it. But it is. It's more of like whatever I'm doing daily, whatever I'm doing with my kids, whatever I'm doing with my career, none of it really matters to me except what's the energy and vibration I bring to it? Yeah. What are people going to walk away after they meet me? You know, because it's like you might not remember my words.

27:47You might not remember, you know, the cool dance I did or what I said on this cool TV show. It's, what is the feeling I gave you? Did I help your life? Did I encourage you? So it's more of like the vibration I'm sending to people that I worry about now. Yeah. I can tell you you're changing and saving lives today. That's no exaggeration. You're literally changing and saving lives. And it's abundantly obvious to me that in some way, one of the gifts of this is that you were chosen for this moment. It's impossible not to be true. the way you articulate the depth of what you say what you feel when you say it this is clearly a human being a beautiful human being who has been chosen for this moment in this calling and it's odd because even whatever i've been chosen for me really why me i'm all screwed up in the last but i'm telling you in your case it's really really obvious what about your faith has it changed you and i can i say who your pastor yeah of course your pastor is one of my great friends Erwin McManus um has it changed your faith your view because for a lot of people they might go through this so like they doubt God I've been going to the Mosaic church for years okay you know there was like during 2020 obviously that kind of like pivoted me off a little bit just because we couldn't go so I got a little bit off of the habit of going like on a regular basis to the actual church and um I've been so grateful to really find myself back there again he was one of The first people I called to talk to is I knew I needed him.

29:11He's just such an incredible spirit with such encouraging words and honesty, too. And we'll go there with you into depths and ask the right questions and help you navigate this space from a really healthy, healing manner. And I go all the time now where I stay really good in touch with them because I do need them. I don't think before I was willing to admit that. Like when I when I started going back to church, it was just like, oh, I I enjoy being here. It's a great energy. know yeah and like oh i'm going with my friends yeah now i'm willing to admit that no i need this energy in my life it's necessary for my health and i think just being a person that's always so independent and always you know doing all the right things and doing my cold plunge and doing my like sauna time like oh i've got my life together i think being willing to say no i need this yeah this helps my soul this puts me in the right place was a hard thing for me to admit so that's the difference with my faith now is I need it.

30:07Oh my gosh. You're so awesome. All right. A couple more things. This flew by maybe faster than anyone that I've done. We've talked, I want to unpack, forget, let's step out of the grief world for a second. We've talked a lot. You've brought energy up a few times. It's one of my favorite topics because I am a Christian. I'm a person of faith, but I also cannot deny the frequency thing that you've and I discussed. Like truth vibrates at the highest frequency, hope, dreams, vision, encouragement vibrates high, discouragement, hate, lack of tolerance vibrates real low. And you can feel it. Someone who dances, you bring in energy.

30:42You feel something when someone dances, right? And I'm conscious of that too. What am I making somebody feel? It's amazing to me how many human beings go through life and they don't understand. You're always making people feel something. And being intentional about that matters. So just discuss, like, it could be from a dance perspective, how much you think energy. I think us not being conscious of our own energy reserves, the energy we put out, the energy we feel, the energy our environment brings to us. Just energy in general is like life fuel. Yes. Right? What would you say about that? I believe in high vibration.

31:15I believe that people that are disciplined in their life create a lot of self-care, self-love, self-compassion. And those people that are disciplined in their spiritual health, their mental health, their physical health, I just feel like they vibrate differently because they're confident and they they know themselves so well and they know what they can bring to the table that they're able to now give to other people. Yeah. You know, it's a different kind of thing, because if you're someone that doesn't know yourself and you don't have discipline, you're not making the right choices. You're not going to be able to help someone else in that journey to become a better version of themselves.

31:49You have to be the better version of who you are and really help everyone around you after that by not even having to do anything. but just vibrating higher knowing who you are knowing what you love disciplining yourself every day making the right choices whatever your choices are because everyone's choices are different yeah you walk into a room with a different kind of energy that just affects everyone and not from like an ego place of like oh i want to be like them they're so cool like oh yeah i want i want to feel that way yeah what are they doing yeah and then if you're someone that they actually you know are willing to ask you can say oh well you know i do this that or or the other.

32:25And for me, it's like, I, I've always been a very disciplined person, a very organized task oriented person. And I think that that in my past and that discipline has what has really made me get to where I'm at today. Because even through this grief, I've never lost out on my disciplines. Do you know what I'm saying? Like I work out every day, I get in my sauna, I do the cold plunge. I am active in like my organization. My home is clean. I clean up after those things. And maybe those aren't the same things that make other people feel like they have self-love. But for me, not losing out on those things keeps me going every day.

33:00And it's, and it shows me like, okay, I did the hard thing today. I did things that most people will never do. And I made that choice. And I think when I walk into a room, I already know for myself, it's not about me being cool for people for myself. I know I can show up because I know I deserve to be where I'm at because I've worked really hard to be where I'm at, but not necessarily just the cool career i've been working on myself yes yeah and i think those people just have a different vibration about it because a different kind of confidence because you know you know you're doing the work and you can believe in yourself and i can rely on myself i don't rely on other people and i think you feel that from people i don't rely i'm not a you know what it is is um almost like oh this sounds terrible a little bit but mostly energy vultures people that need to take from your energy but then there's the other people like no i can give you energy because i've worked on it.

33:47You know, I want to be one of those people. I want to be one of those people that walks in the room and I've done so much work for myself, but also can keep stuff for myself, but I can give back to everyone. I think you are. I think you are that person. You know, one thing to check everyone that was listening, I was thinking about what you were saying for you parents, it's easy to slough that off. Hey, I'm an energy giver. I'm not an energy taker, but then evaluate every area of your life. You said something earlier in the interview where Twitch would come home and go, hey, just give me a moment.

34:15I'm going to be alone. One of the things I evaluated later, and it really bothers me to this day, is I didn't always bring that energy to my home, meaning I gave so much out into the world, right? Do you relate to this? Like so much out into the world that when I got there, I was almost like, okay, I'm here to rest and recalibrate, forgetting my daughter and my son needed that. My wife needed it. My mom, my sisters, they needed that energy from me. and that was the place. I showed up as loving and caring and joyous, but I didn't show up with the energy at home because I was so depleted. That's why what you said earlier meant so much to me.

34:52I was so depleted and it wasn't until, I don't know if my daughter said something one time, like, Daddy, you're so, with everybody else, you're tired. I'm like, wow, like I don't bring it here like I should and I made that change. You look like you wanted to say something about that. Yeah, no, that, hearing that, I don't think I'd ever thought about that for the same case with Steven. So I just, I related with what you just said. Yeah, that's why I related so much with what you had said earlier. Because it's like in every area but where. Because it was when I came through the door, that's where I would recharge.

35:26And if I could go back, I would be more conscious of what they were feeling energetically as well. I was a hug, my daughter and love my son. But it wasn't the same as some stranger on the street. I'm pouring into them. hey how you doing and then I come home like hey guys you know it wasn't the same yeah give dad a minute I'm going to recharge for a second and when I walked through that door they needed my energy yeah and so it's just something that you know if I evaluated as I got older very short intermission here folks I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify links are in the show notes now on to our next guest I get a chance to share time with someone who's had a deep impact on my life.

36:08You know, I feel so close to this man, yet we've only been in person together once. It's the most interesting relationship and connection. I'd also call him just kind, brilliant, and someone that I admire because he has started to live life on his own terms. And that takes a lot of courage when you're as successful as he is. And so, Robin Sharma, welcome back, brother. It's so good to have you. My brother, Ed, you are such a kind soul yourself. and I honor you for inspiring the lives of millions of people. It's amazing to see you. I have so many things I want to ask you about because I've had some health challenges.

36:44My audience knows this last little while. And one of the tremendous blessings of it is a heightened awareness of your mortality, heightened awareness of how blessed you are to be here today. And it causes me anyway, to be a much more present person, much more inquisitive. It's brought me actually more peace. And one of the things in the book, I find myself when I read some of your stuff, like I'm talking about it, right? And so I was actually talking to my attorney of all people about one of the things you just said, because of your mortality, you know, sometimes life can end up being a collection of beautiful moments.

37:20At the end of our life, I think we're going to reflect on some of the most beautiful moments of our life. And you just referenced it a minute ago, but I mean, this is going to be awesome, everybody. But you in the book talk about how to become a perfect moment creator. And it is some of the best work I've ever read in personal development in my life. So let's give them that gift. Well, you are that's that's great praise and generosity coming from you. So, you know, a lot of people I've mentored billionaires for over 15 years have been in the field 31 years. And a lot of these people are cash rich and their life poor.

37:59and some of the most valuable if not the most valuable things in life have very little to do with things i was blessed a few weeks ago i had a dinner with my 86 year old father ed and my my mother and we just sat there and we told stories and we laughed and And, you know, it almost brings tears to my eyes, but that is worth more than a large stock portfolio and all the gold on the planet. But our society has enculturated us and hypnotized us and mesmerized us into hustle and grind towards a mountaintop of financial success. And as you know, there's a whole, that's one of the eight forms of wealth in the wealth money camp.

38:44But to your point about be a perfect moment creator comes from a true story. Eugene O 'Kelly was the global CEO of KPMG, the accounting behemoth. And one day he went into his doctor's office waiting for the results of a routine medical. And the doctor returned with an expression you never want to see on your doctor's face when you're waiting for the results of a routine medical. Long story short, the doctor said, you've got 90 days left to live. You have inoperable brain cancer. and sadly he passed away roughly 90 days after that but what he realized is in all his years as a corporate titan he had never taken the time to take his wife to lunch all his years as a global mogul he had missed christmas concerts and in all his years as a financial master he had never taken long walks in central parks park with his best friends and so what he decided to do is use the strategy and the tools that made him so successful in business.

39:52And he applied them to his last 90 days, which I think was gorgeous, brilliant, and very wise. And so he reversed engineered his last 90 days. That was his, that was his quest. Let me reverse the last 90 days of my life to make them the greatest 90 days I've ever had. And part of that was, I want to be a perfect moment creator and create these magical, unforgettable, priceless moments with the people who matter most. And that simple idea caused me to take my kids swimming with the dolphins in Mauritius. It caused me to take them to the Mona Lisa in the Louvre, you know, where they were like, Daddy, it's such a small painting.

40:34I can't believe it. And if we could only in the midst of our busy days, look for ways to create magical and perfect moments, we would start filling our days with a wealth money camp by. Yeah, so profound, so true. So, hey, guys, as you know, I've partnered up with my good friend, Brennan Brouchard, who's created the greatest personal development system that has ever been designed called Growth Day. There's everything from journaling to accountability programs, live messages every Monday from myself and other influencers. There's an opportunity for you to get courses that would cost thousands of dollars completely for free.

41:15It's incredible. Go to growthday.com forward slash ed and check it out. You and I are blessed to know a lot of people with a lot of money. And you call it in the book, you actually call it like the Howard Hughes complex almost. And you make two points in the book. I just let you talk about it a little further. I always want to dig a little deeper on this because I'm going to ask you about you. But you say in the book, why does our culture worship a billionaire and not a school teacher? That's a quote right out of the book. And I started to think about that. Like in my family, you know, I'm not a billionaire, but I've become very wealthy.

41:48And I have a sister who's a school teacher. But I just think to myself, culturally, most people would probably want to hear more of what I have to say. Yet, I don't know on that perfect moment thing whether or not she's had a few more than her brother. and if life is a measurement of those perfect moments, I think she may be wealthier than me. And so I don't want to move past this point. Hustle and grind is great, everybody. Building wealth and being poor is no fun. And so getting your family financially independent is an admirable goal. But to get there with none of these moments, because I think most people think, don't you, Robin, if I get all this money, I can create more of the moments because those moments cost money.

42:26But the truth is most of those moments don't cost money. So just tell them the how i went on and on there because it's so deeply affects me but um talk about the howard hughes principle a little bit there where everyone an empty house syndrome well one of one of the chapters so i want to just give some context the book is based on eight forms of wealth and the fifth form of wealth is money and there's 25 chapters deconstructing exactly how the billionaires do it so i don't think either of us are saying that money is not important puts food on the family table, allows you to have amazing experiences, allows you to do great things for your loved ones, but allows you to be of service to people in need.

43:03So it is one of the forms of wealth. But there are other seven other forms of wealth. And you're right. I think you hit the nail on the head, which is you hear someone introducing someone and they say, wow, we have an amazing person in the house today. They have just had a liquidity event and exited for a billion dollars. You don't often say here, whoa, we have an amazing host on today. He's a ski instructor that helps little kids fall in love with nature. You don't hear people say, ladies and gentlemen, we have a Titan in the room today. We have a gardener from down the street who doesn't have a lot of financial wealth, but they love their roses and they keep our community beautiful.

43:52Wow. You don't see on the front page of a magazine, here's who we should pedestal today. It's the firefighter or the police officer who risks their lives to protect our loved ones. And so I'm not saying we don't celebrate the billionaire. You and I both know the grit, the wisdom, the suffering, the sacrifice, the discipline, the service, et cetera, et cetera, that is required to get to a very high place financially. That's why I think it's important to celebrate the value creators. We celebrate the entrepreneurs. These are the people who take – these are in part the heroes. What I'm also trying to say in the Wealth Money Can't Buy is, may we not forget the gardener, the barista, the taxi driver, and the other heroes who are living rich life.

44:50One of the richest people I've ever met was my ski instructor. When I was in my 40s, I had this idea to become a level one ski instructor, so I hired this person to do it. And I think he was one of the richest people I've ever met. He had rosy cheeks. We had the best conversations. conversations. He would read great literature. He had a wife who adored him, family who cherished him, and he spent his days in the mountains. And he said to me one day going up on the chairlift, he said, Robin, us ski instructors aren't rich, but we have rich lives. So good. I have a friend here, Robin. I moved to Florida.

45:27He's become a friend and he retired in his, I think it was his early 60s. And he always says, QTR, Ed, QTR, QTR. And I finally asked him, what is it? He said, quality time remaining. And he said that to me because I had turned 50 and I've had a couple health issues. And he's like, man, do you remember, you know, quality time remaining? And I told him, I said, brother, I wish someone said that to me when I was 20. It didn't need to wait till I was 50. At 20 years old, you ought to be thinking about how much quality time remaining do you have? Do your point about mortality? You know, how many more Mondays do you have?

45:58How many more Septembers do you get? How many more summers do you have? And to make those quality time. And by the way, we both, I'm wealthy. You've become successful. People that get wealthy create opportunity for other people as well. So it's a form of wealth that you can share. So believe me, financial wealth is awesome, but I don't want to get there without the quality moments. Okay. This is for you and I now. A lot of you may not know this about Robin, but Robin, Robin does very, very well. But in my estimation, financially, Robin could even do better if he decided to pursue that. And one of the things I admire about you, I said early on, I want you to really dig into this brother, is that you live life on your terms.

46:36And so Robin bought an Italian farmhouse and just kind of said, this is where I'm going to go do in my life. I'm going to go have an adventure, which we'll talk about in a minute. But I want to know how you made that decision. Like at some point, cause you could have kept, you still go, but you could have made another, that probably cost you a couple million dollars a year. I would figure from the pace you could have been on, the things you could have been doing. So you chose purposely to some extent to live it on your terms at one point, almost like that was my dream, but I've reevaluated it.

47:07And my dream is still to serve, but I also want these other things. Can you just talk about that decision that you made? And am I right about that? I mean, it had to be a hard decision. And it's what I'm evaluating right now. Like when do I determine that I need to pivot on my dream a little bit and identify what feels good now. Go ahead. I would say joy is your GPS. I would say your instinct is so much more powerful than your intellect. Intellect says, let me do all these things to succeed in the world. Here's what's logical. Your instinct is your wisdom. Your instinct will say, Ed, it's time to do this.

47:45And so for me, I lived in a certain city for over 30 years. And I do believe that the discomfort of growth is always less dangerous than the illusion of safety. Maybe I should mention that again, because I think it might be important for all of us. The discomfort of growth is always less dangerous than the illusion of safety. And so I I had a really nice setup, Ed. And yet one day, about three years ago, my life partner, Elle, and I packed up our little Chihuahua Yorkie. And we hopped on a plane with three suitcases, sold my house, sold a lot of my things, and moved into, showed up at the Rome airport, by the way, and lost our luggage.

48:36and yet we moved into this old farmhouse totally new culture in tuscany didn't know the language and i just think life is about an adventure it's one of the it's the seventh form of wealth i talk about in the book like if you lost the sparkle in your eyes if you lost don't ever lose that childlike heart i mean i think find worldly success without a joyful heart is fool's gold And so we left everything because I think growth is important. I think an adventure is important. And to your point about mortality, I have a metric, which is if I'm lucky and I do biohacking and I try to take care of myself, et cetera, I'm very healthy.

49:16But if I'm lucky, I'll live 25 more years. So I have this decision matrix and I call it my 25 summer question. And so before I make a decision, I say, you know, I have 25 summers left. Is this really very important? And I also, you know, I've been in this field for a long time. And more than ever, I realized that elite performance without deep renewal is an empty victory. and so I think I think you know we are you're right we are in a hustle and grind world and I think it's like there's a lot of pressure write a lot of books do a lot of content build a lot of businesses well I think it's better to be a minimalist versus a maximalist and I would rather build one Sistine Chapel ceiling or write one catcher in the rye or create one moonlight sonata that stands the test of time versus hustle and grinding every day for the rest of my life.

50:21And I guess what I'm suggesting is time off is necessary to do your best work. And it also allows you to enjoy the fruits of your labor. So good. You actually called this, you make another suggestion in the book. And by the way, I know when we're listening or watching, you can say, well, I wish I had the financial luxury to sell a house and move to Tuscany. I get that. But what, what version of that could be yours? What adventure could you go on that doesn't require money, that does require a bold decision? Maybe that adventure is to actually start a business you've always thought about starting.

50:51Maybe it's to write that book or that song or paint that painting or whatever it is. So your version of the adventure, because I think we become very routine. I think we become very habitual and we're just, we're going to get around to making moments and memories. And I think, folks, use today's conversation between Robin and I as a catalyst for you to make the decision that you're going to go on an adventure of some type and just decide you're going to do that. Were you going to say something there, Robin? Because I wanted to ask you about that. I'm happy to say something about it. There's one chapter towards the end of the book called Go Ghost for a Year.

51:26That's where I was going. You just read my mind. Go Ghost for a year. Tell them about it. That's where I was going. Yeah, go ghost for a year. I mean, it's your life and life is short and don't live it on someone else's terms. And it is stunning how powerful every human being is. And the fears you do not face become your limits. And so go ghost for a year is just a concept, which is take one year and go dark. Leave your phone at home, metaphorically speaking. And if you've always wanted to go to Japan or Medellin or Sweden or Mumbai or Goa, take one year of your life and go take the classics and go to that place and learn to meditate and read the beautiful literature and listen to music so beautiful it brings tears to your eyes.

52:20And watch the sunsets just like I watched last night. And pray and journal and get to know who you want to be and reverse engineer like eugene o 'kelly the last 75 years of your life and then come back into the world from the wilderness born anew powerful and intimate with your gifts and your talents and your values and what you want to stand for and be a force of nature and if you can't do it for a year we all understand we all have responsibilities then do it for six months if you can't do it for six months do it for a quarter can't do it for a order, do it for a month. And if you can't do it for a month, do it for a week or even a day.

53:01But going ghost on a consistent basis is incredibly powerful for becoming the person that you've always wanted to be. Unbelievably true. And everyone, I want you to hear that back to last part. Maybe it can't be a year. Maybe it's a weekend, right? Maybe it's a day. Or maybe you start doing it in little increments, but you've got a goal to five years from now, go ghost for a year. I have to tell you, because of some of the health stuff I've been through, I'm sort of in the middle of that ghost year. I'm not posting on social media, doing my podcast kind of virtually now. I'm not traveling, speaking quite as much.

53:37And I have found myself again, already a month and a half into it now. But I feel like in my case, I've sort of sticked my toe in it. I think I need to do it. I think I need a year where I just recalibrate and rest and really do very little. At 53, I'm 53 this Saturday. I've worked basically every day of my life for the most part, most every day. You know, there's exceptions. There's a vacation here or there, but not that many. And so I love this suggestion, everybody. And I think it's something that you should take very, very seriously. I saw this quick video this week that this is, these are not my words, but they made an impact on me.

54:14And I wanted to share the words in this video with you because they were so compelling for me. And I think it'll be a gift for you as well. And then I would give you some takeaways that I took from these words. So here we go. I asked God, why are you taking me through troubled waters? He replied, because your enemies can't swim. I asked, why do I always feel like I'm failing and struggling? He answered, because your growth and accomplishments come from facing challenges and overcoming difficulties. Every failure is a stepping stone to success. I asked God again, why do I sometimes feel like life is filled with pain and helplessness?

54:56He responded, because in your weakest moments, I am by your side. I use your pain to shape your character and your helplessness to showcase my power. Continuing, I inquired, why do I have to experience disappointment and setbacks? He replied, because in disappointment, you learn to trust. In setbacks, you learn to persevere. I am with you every step of the way, guiding you towards victory. Finally, I asked, why do I always feel confused and lost? He answered, because you overlook my plan for your life. when you focus on me, I will smooth your path and provide you with clear direction. Trust me, everything is within my control.

55:45This had a big impact on me, a profound impact, because I think oftentimes we do wonder why certain things happen in our life. And I think perspective is everything. When I talk to people that are a little bit older than me, I'm always blown away by the perspective that they have. I recall when Max was about six years old, every weekend on Saturdays, I would take Max down to the car wash and we would get my car washed. And it was back in the days where there really wasn't a lot of internet at the time. So there was a man there that we would see every Saturday, an older man, and he was reading his newspaper.

56:18And I think he sat there for hours, frankly. I always wonder, like, this guy's car took a long time to get washed. I think he would just come down there and read his paper and maybe his car was maybe it was being detailed or he just let them work on it while he sat there and so he would always we always say hello and he was a nice man and but I could tell that he wasn't happy I could tell there was something unsettled in his spirit and I watched him several times this looks sad to me and I took notice of it you ever just feel someone's energy and I remember several times seeing this man feeling some kind of sympathy for him.

56:55And I'll never forget this because he, one Sunday, he goes, so how old is Max? And I said, he's six years old. And he gave me great advice. He said, well, enjoy the six-year-old because when he turns seven, that six-year-old's gone forever. And if you're a parent, you know, that's true. That six-year-old really does go away. And there's a brand new person at seven. And he goes, in fact, In fact, enjoy the seven-year-old because once he turns eight, that seven-year-old's gone forever. They become a whole new person and remake themselves. And you know what? And enjoy him when he's 16 because when he turns 17, that 16-year-old teenager is a completely different person.

57:31They just, they keep changing and growing. And I didn't even mean it in a mean way, but I remember I turned to him and I said, Sir, when did that process stop for you? And he put the paper down. He said, again, I said, when did you stop remaking yourself every year? And he sat back and he went, I don't know. I guess maybe, maybe in my early mid-20s. I said, you should evaluate that. I said, one of the things I'm most obsessed with in my life is that the 33-year-old me will be gone forever when I turn 34, replaced with a whole new, better, growing version of me. And I hope someday when I'm 40, that when I turn 41, the 40-year-old's gone forever, just like the six-year-old Eddie Milet.

58:25There was a new version of him and improved. Now, obviously you take parts of you into your future, but there's a new and improved version every year. I'm remaking myself. You know, you can look into your body, your lung tissue, your digestive tract, even your bones are remaking themselves on a very regular basis. It's part of nature to be reborn and remade. But so many people lack the perspective in their life and that lack of perspective causes them to not grow anymore. There's this great quote that I used to throw around all the time that said, most men die in their early 20s. We just don't get around to burying them until they're in their 70s.

59:05Too many people right now are not remaking themselves and wondering why they're not happy. This requires growth. This requires perspective. And I think that quote that I read you earlier about God, whatever your version of God is in your life, however you look at that, everyone knows how I look at it, but however you look at that, that it changes your perspective and that the things that happen in your life take on a different meaning. See, everything in life is what does something mean to us? If you can change the meaning of something, you can change everything in your life. But once we stop growing and changing, it all starts to feed the same meaning.

59:41They would say, well, you keep telling the same story to yourself. That's a big thing in personal. Change your story and you should change your story. But in order to change the story, you have to change what you believe things mean. And so that's why the questions that that person was asking that God was answering changes the meaning of when things happen. So I'm a big believer that you are supposed to be replacing yourself. So if you're 28 years old and you're listening to this today, one of your ambitions ought to be to take all the great things with you into your 29th year, but to grow and improve so that 28-year-old's gone forever and there's a new better version of you at 29.

1:00:14If you're 40 years old, listen to this today, that by the time you're growing all year long, that by the time you turn 41, that 40-year-old's gone forever. Just like the six-year-old you was gone forever when you turned seven. Just like when you turned eight, the seven-year-old was gone forever. And just like when the 16-year-old turned 17, the 16-year-old was gone forever. If you look back at your life, you've changed and grown quite a bit, haven't you? but what pace at what percentage how much right and to what perspective do you need to accelerate this so as you guys know about two years ago i started on this journey to learning spanish and i've gotten pretty good i was just on a trip to mexico and got quite a few compliments on my spanish game and the reason i've got pretty good is babble so for you in 2024 maybe getting a little bit better every day would be great for you especially at learning a second language or of third or fourth or fifth.

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1:01:38Get up to 60 % off at babbel.com slash mylet, spelled B-A-B-B-E-L.com slash mylet. Rules and restrictions may apply. Please visit babbel.com for details. And so I believe very deeply in life that the meaning we take away from experiences changes everything. And how do you change your meaning? So I'm going to give you three keys today to shifting perspective, to shifting perspective. Number one, with that quote I gave you in the beginning illustrates, number one is ask a better question, have a better life. The quality of your life is really comprised of the quality of the questions you ask yourself because the quality of the questions creates the quality of your thoughts.

1:02:20Quality of your thoughts defines the meaning. So if you can begin to ask better questions in life, you can have a better life. but what you're doing right now the reason you're not growing if you're not or you're not growing at the rate you could is because you're not looking to ask a better question see the powerful thought of that whole thing i read to you is that it was powerful questions with better answers so it was a pretty average question with an extraordinary answer from god and when you begin to ask the right questions i believe you begin to get the right answers your life is really a patterns of regular questions you're asking yourself.

1:02:56All this data that tells us 80 to 90 percent of our thoughts are the same every day and that most of them are negative. Why? Because 80 to 90 percent of the questions you ask yourself are just autopilot. Why am I this way? Why aren't I happier? Why am I more successful? What are they thinking about me? What are they going to think? What are people going to say? You add the same questions all the time you're asking yourself and so your perspective doesn't change. That's why I love talking to people that are at later stages in life because you just see a peace about them and a wisdom about them that's come with time because they've had more perspective change in their life.

1:03:28That's why I think listening to podcasts and hopefully mine at the top of the list, reading books and talking to people that are successful or happy can give you perspective. You want to do something that's unbelievably productive in your life, go spend an afternoon at a retirement home or a nursing home and talk to those folks about their perspective on life. You really want to have a lot of change in your life, get with a great coach and ask them quality questions. Get with people that have the information and the person with the most information wins. And by the way, for me, the source with the most information, that's why I read this to you, is God.

1:04:04And so when I pray, I ask questions and I find the higher caliber, higher quality, better, newer question, I'd elicit a better answer. So number one is ask a better question, have a better life. Number two, shift your perspective and you shift your life. I have this great story that I was once told and I, you know, it's not my story, but Mother Teresa, I'll give you two of them. You know, for most of us, if we saw, if we were with something, someone who passed away or we saw a car accident, let's say, and we rushed to the scene of that accident and we had someone in our arms that passed away, you and I would probably, our perspective would be, my gosh, I just witnessed a tragedy in my life.

1:04:47And that's okay. That's reasonable conclusion that you had witnessed this tragedy. I think it was Tony Robbins that told me this story. And he said, actually, Mother Teresa said that the greatest honor of her life was to be present with a person when their soul leaves their body and goes to heaven. So can you imagine the exact same event? You and I would sit there and say, this is tragic. This is horrible. Mother Teresa would say this was the greatest honor of her life to be there, to watch this soul leave its body and go to heaven. Same exact event, different perspective, different meaning, different emotion, different quality of life.

1:05:21You following me? Perspective creates meaning, meaning creates emotion, and the quality of our life is the quality of our emotions. We have a completely different life. Mother Teresa in an event like that is such an unbelievable, it's an extreme example, but it's illustrative of everything is perspective and meaning. It's not the events of our life that define us. It's the meaning we take from these events. Let me say that to you again. It's not the events of our life that define us. It's the meaning we take away from those events. If you want to change your life, you can go back and begin to look at what meanings you've taken.

1:05:57Ask yourself, what would I need to believe about that event so that it would serve me? Not what do I believe? What would I need to believe so that it would serve me? I could have, you know, there's all this data about children that grow up in alcoholic households. It's fascinating. Usually they're one way or the other. Either become extremely successful achievers or they repeat the patterns of their parent. Why is it that two children can go up in the exact same house with the exact same parents and have two totally different lives? Most of you are nodding probably when I say this. You're thinking of even your own family or somebody you know.

1:06:27Same two parents, same environment, same house, same upbringing, same information, two totally different lives. Why is that perspective and meaning? One person took away a different meaning from the exact same events and the other one took away meanings that didn't serve them, made them shrink, made them negative, made them bitter, made them lose their confidence. And the other person didn't. What I learned from watching those events happen in my life is I learned what I didn't want to do. I learned when my dad got sober that people can change their life. I took those meanings away. so everything in your life is the meaning you take away from the event and by the way the meaning you attach to your work there's this great story i'll tell you secondly um i believe it was jfk and he was visiting cape canaveral and he's walking through cape canaveral this is back in the days where they're you know they're going to launch and and uh go into space and attempt to go moon as I understand the story at the time.

1:07:27And he walks by this man who's got a mop and a bucket. And he stops and asks this man and says, what is it that you're doing here? Now, what would have been reasonable for that man to say? Oh, sir, I'm cleaning the floor. I'm making this place spotless, et cetera, et cetera. Do you know what this man replied to him? The man with the mop and the bucket? President Kennedy says to him, so what are you doing here? And this man says, I'm helping put a man on the moon, sir. I'm helping put a man on the moon. He had a completely different perspective about his work. He took a different meaning away from his work than what the average and ordinary person would do.

1:08:08It's not even what we do. It's the meaning we take from it. And then the third thing that I would recommend to you is to learn to reconnect with your center, to get centered in your life. I'm talking about this a lot more. And so to do things that give you perspective is to reconnect with center. We lose perspective when there's chaos around us. We lose perspective when we're just repeating the same thoughts and the same questions and the same emotions over and over again. So in order to change that, one, you got to ask a better question. Two, you've got to shift your perspective and your meaning.

1:08:37And third is reconnect to your center. So what are the things you could be doing to reconnect to your center? For me, my center is my faith. And so I focus on my prayer life. In fact, I'm reading a prayer right now. I probably as well just pull it up on my phone. I wasn't going to do this, but I'm reading a prayer currently that I think I should share with you guys. So here we go. Father, here I am before your throne with a heavy heart and an anxious mind. Come Lord and fill me with your holy presence. Let me rest and be at peace. Let me feel your protection. Let me feel as if I'm under the shadow of your wings, safe, hidden, and secure in you.

1:09:13Only you can give it and take it all. I pray, Father, please take my fear away and give me your peace that surpasses all understanding. You know that my life is in your hands. My trust and my hope is on you alone, Father. Thank you in the name of Jesus. Amen. It's just a prayer I've been reading myself. I give myself different prayers from time to time that just change my perspective. So for me, by the way, whatever your faith is, I also meditate. I love vibrational frequency. I love to center myself. And so whatever your practices are, get back to those practices, care for your body a little bit more.

1:09:46For me, I've learned that my center almost always has to do with my faith in my body, that when I'm connected to my body, this what we would consider to be a temple when I care for it a little bit better. So these things may seem very simple to you, but reconnect if you're meditating, really refocus on it. If you've got prayer life, really refocus on it. For me, it's strange, but the more I do little things where I'm connected to my body, cold plunging, sauna. Here's a random one for you lately. I just love to stretch. Just stretching and some yoga has really helped me reconnect to my center, something I've never done before.

1:10:21I'm a bigger guy. I always thought I'll get around to stretching. I'll get around to yoga. Well, this year, last 12 months, I've made it a pretty big priority. It helps me reconnect. It's just I'm present with my body. I also love to do earthing and grounding where I walk around with my bare feet on the earth. I try to get in the grass or on the beach if I can and just reconnect to that. For some reason, that helps me connect with my center. And then lastly, just one of my formulas is I love to be around water. And so when I had an apartment and couldn't live near the ocean, I always had like a fountain in my house where I could hear running water.

1:10:56Something, some of you may relate to this, just somehow being around running water centers me, calms me whether it's a lake or an ocean even a pool a fountain something that is water centered for me helps me reconnect to my center and those just part of my form is I think it's to know oneself right and so I love to work out and lift heavy and all that stuff but boy I really tell you something I found out stretching and yoga my prayer life my meditation my earthing and grounding these are not things that five or eight years ago you probably would have heard me talk a lot about but they've helped me change my perspective and so what today was all about was sharing with you a perspective shift on life and getting you to consider is one of the things I need to do of all the things that's talked about in personal development self-help self-improvement entrepreneurship what about my perspective how is my perspective impacting my thoughts how are those thoughts impacting my behavior the decisions I make the emotions I have and if I can shift my perspective I can tell you that I think you can shift your life and so go back in the beginning of this video or audio and listen to that exchange That this person has with god That you could have with your god and then ask yourself a better question Shift your perspective and shift your life and reconnect with your center And I think you're going to find a formula and a recipe that may have change come find you As opposed you having to always go chase change You can actually become somebody where change helps find you where you magnetize and gravitate to yourself because of this incredible perspective you've had.

1:12:34And the last thing I want for you is to be a man or woman who in their 20s or 30s really dies, but doesn't get buried until they're in their 70s, 80s, 90s or beyond. That's not what you want to be. You want to be that person who every year, that new birth date, that new time is replacing the former you, taking the best of the best from the previous person, fixing the things that aren't so good and growing and improving into that new year, just like the six-year-old did, just like the seven-year-old did, just like the 16-year-old did. So should the 40-year-old. So should the 25-year-old. So should the 65-year-old.

1:13:06And I believe those are the key things to creating change in your life. All right. I hope today helped you, everybody. It certainly helped me. That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. I have somebody here who's trying to sell a book. He's not sold any in his life. Only over 500 million books sold. You're talking about the goat of personal development, author, speaker, incredible. And then as I've got to know Crystal a little bit, she's a life coach.

1:13:40She's incredible. And this book they wrote together and the book is called Ask, the bridge from your dreams to your destiny. And so Mark Victor Hansen and his beautiful wife, Crystal joined me today. Welcome you guys to the show. So we are excited to be with you. And for those of you only listening, you got to see how strong this guy is. And sometimes you got to watch him on video. My gosh, I'm curious about asking for what you want. You said there's seven roadblocks. I want everyone to read the book. So we're not going to go through all seven, certainly. But we've talked a little bit about the childhood conditioning piece of it.

1:14:10That's certainly my jam, for sure. That's the one that keeps showing up for me. But what would one more be that somebody should be evaluating? And we'll keep the other five for people to go get the book. But what is another one of these roadblocks? Well, let's just talk about what you were just talking about, that childhood curiosity. The next one is naivete. And we don't know what we don't know. And we tell the story in the book, Ed, about this lovely Filipino woman who came to work when our children were little. You know, the kids are 16 months apart, and she'd make all these amazing dishes from her homeland.

1:14:41And one day she shows up and cuts this fruit on a plate, and she goes, her, try this. And I bit into this juicy orange fruit, and I go, Melda, what is this? This is the most amazing fruit I've ever tasted. And she goes, it's a mango. And I go, mango, how come I've never tasted a mango? That's bizarre. I've traveled all over Europe. How did I miss the mangoes? But, you know, I realized I'm like, I'm a girl from Idaho, grew up with a lot of potatoes, but no mangoes. And it made me start to think I really plundered that. Like, what else am I missing in my life besides the greatest fruit in the world?

1:15:11Just because I don't even know it's available to me. I go, Melda, where'd you get these? Did you import them from the Philippines? She goes, no, they're at the grocery store. And I thought, I'm walking by this every day. What else am I walking past? What person am I walking past? Not even noticed, not even curious, because I just don't know. I'm naive, right? I might be walking past the greatest advocate I've ever had, the best friend I might have, or some opportunity I'm not aware of because of that naivete. And I think we're all naive in some way. And that is one of our roadblocks to asking.

1:15:45We need to look around more. We need to rekindle that childlike curiosity and wonder. Wonder about that person you're walking past. Wonder about that company, that opportunity, that thing that you haven't even stopped inquire about. That's part of the magic of life, where life starts to unfold for you when you start to go back into that wonder. And I think if you read the fable of Michaela, the book starts. Right. So that's one of the places that Michaela, she starts to wonder because she's so shut down in her life. And I won't get too deep into it unless you want to talk about it. Well, I want them to read the book, but it's it to me, it's that that's the brilliance of the book.

1:16:23It's the beginning. It's we should talk about it a little bit, share a little bit of that story. But I want them to get it to me. There's a brilliance of the way this book is written. Everybody that's so enjoyable to read because you do get this sort of story in the beginning. then it's weaved together with the points. And when you're reading it, I love reading something and I say, that's true. That's true. That's me. I know that. And it's just, there's these validations of things when you read the book. So let's talk a little bit about it. You, you, you go into that a little bit as far as you want to go.

1:16:51Cause I do want them to get the book too, right? So, yeah, no, no. And it's good. I mean, so the fable, Mark and I wanted to use a fable because we love stories. Stories are so relatable and our brain thinks in patterns. So when we can share a story that's relatable, we learn so quickly. Human beings can learn so quickly from stories. So, we started, I took a lot of times we pass the writing back and forth and I started writing this and honestly, it was like it had a life of its own and I just took off. I had so much joy writing this. I feel like I was downloading it. The whole story, all the characters came and I've been fortunate enough in my life to have these amazing dreams that have guided me, very spiritual dreams.

1:17:28So, I kind of modified my own dreams a little bit and Michaela has these dreams, right? But completely different story, of course, but just to let the listeners know, Michaela starts off, she's lost everything in her life. Basically, she's lost her mother, her father, her home's been taken away by the bill collector, she's sleeping in a grove of trees. And her job every day, as an indentured servant at a stone quarry is to lift heavy rocks from one place to another. And I think that's how a lot of people feel in this life right now, is that their entire life is just feels like moving heavy rocks from one place to another and they've lost hope and that's where Michaela was so this this story is really every woman and every man's story but Michaela you know falls into an exhausted sleep and the being comes to her and he takes her on this journey and I'm not going to tell everything but the gist of it is he tells her He shows her some really beautiful things and he admonishes her to asking and never stop asking.

1:18:30And that's the key. And so when she wakes up, she knows already something has shifted because that's what happens to each of us. When we have those moments, those spiritual little epiphanies, we can shift everything in a moment. Absolutely everything. Just with a little awareness. And so that's what happens. So she starts little by little. Mikayla's life starts shifting. She starts paying attention to the words, the dreams. And by the end of Michaela's story, she is a completely different person than she was when she started. And that is what can happen to every single person listening. We all have that in us.

1:19:08We all have the essence of God inside of us. We all have every possibility and potential inside of us. And so that story flowed up out of me from somewhere to really remind people, I think, What is inside of each one of them and each one of you who's listening? And to really start to ask the questions that will reveal your next step to you. Yeah, I got to tell you that Michaela could have been an entire book. Yeah. And one of the things I took from it, it's weird. You know, sometimes art, writing to me is art. So there's teaching. This book teaches you a lot of things. But I think when something's great, it can mean different things to different people based on their life stage.

1:19:49And so for me, it's interesting. My takeaway was, I can tell when you were writing, it wasn't necessarily for this purpose, but for me, it was. And that was that my life started to change when I realized that the quality of the questions I was asking myself was directly correlated to the quality of my emotions and my life. And that I was also conditioned as a child to ask a certain sort of questions and take certain sorts of meanings away from events in my life. And those questions were on repeat. So everyone listening to this or watching it, you're already asking some questions. but to take and to be aware as you just said crystal to take an inventory and start to ask a different question literally changes your life and then as you're one new relationship one new question one new breakthrough potentially one new emotion away from a totally different life but if you run the same pattern of questions you're asking yourself all the time you're going to take the same meetings away have the same emotions and have the same life it's just a pattern so mark could you speak to that because you talked a little bit about conditioning in brain.

1:20:49We can go that direction or not, but what about just being intentional with the caliber and quality of the questions you're asking yourself, not just other people? First of all, I love the way this seminar or Zoom call is going. It feels like a seminar. It's when you're doing a good one. It's a seminar in my mind. So, one of the seven roadblocks is pattern paralysis. And my teacher's teacher in graduate school, my teacher's Dr. Arbuck, Menstru, Fuller, J.D.S. and Doms, thousands of inventions, 15 doctors at Albert, but his teacher was Albert Einstein. Albert said, look, if you keep doing the same thing and expect something new in German, it's your cuckoo, meaning you're crazy.

1:21:26Well, that's exactly what you just said. So what you've done with question only, God gave us his ability to question everything. It changes your path. It changes your life force. And what you said, I'm going to morph it just a little bit because some people out there are hanging out by their fingernails because of a COVID confinement cocoon and say, the kind of question you ask determines where your prosperity, your wealth, your riches is going to be. When I, 1974, when I tried to be Bucky Fuller, and I can't be a good Bucky, I can be a good Marky, I can't be a good Bucky. So I boom, bankrupt.

1:21:57I check a book at the library, how'd you go bankrupt by yourself? Because I asked, what if I go bankrupt? Subconscious doesn't get a dang what question you ask, but it magnifies it back to your side, the quantity of the question, quality of the question. But now I said, well, how do I get rich? How do I get successful? How do I get prosperous? How do I be a person of influence? Because Solomon's most important line, and he was a really important guy, but be an influencer of influencers, which is what your show is all about, Ed. And your influence is growing, which is what it's meant to it. You're meant to multiply.

1:22:28You're meant to expand. I mean, you've taken a 98-pound weakling and turned him into a superstar strong guy, but that's what you've done with your mind and your soul and your being. I hope you don't mind my teasing. No, no. I appreciate it very much. Thank you. I think it's important, guys. When I'm listening to the show back, like in my mind, because it does feel like a seminar to me, like kind of a masterclass, the more I'm thinking about it, the more I want to stamp this, I want you to get the book. I don't say this on the show very often, guys. I just want you to know I have authors on. I don't normally say it this firmly because I'm so convinced that we're even oftentimes sometimes oblivious to the questions.

1:23:06Like for example, what question am I asking myself that causes me the fear to walk up to the hostess at the restaurant? Somewhere in there, there's this question of what is she going to think about me, right? Is she going to, is that bizarre? Like I'm paying for a meal. She might even know who I am when I walk up there, you know, it's, but yet I still have these questions. And if you're evaluating, I've been through everything. I've listen to every show. I'm still not making a move in my life. It's probably the questions. It's the lack of questions you're willing to ask other people. And it's the questions that don't serve you that you're asking yourself, everybody.

1:23:41So I really want to stamp this because even in my own mind, this is a unique yet profound truth perspective about how to change the direction of your life. It's not something most people are talking about right now. And I think the timing is perfect for all of you coming out of what we've just come out of, for example, what are the questions you need to be asking yourself. And that's what I wanted to go to next. So I'm going to throw it out there. If I'm trying to pivot. So I'm at a point, I'm listening to the show for whatever reason, I'm just not where I want to be physically, spiritually. Maybe I'm not in the relationship that I want.

1:24:12I'm working for somebody, but I want to be an entrepreneur. Where do I begin on these questions? What would you recommend my starting point be in terms of asking questions? Right. It's such a great question. And everybody wants to know like, what questions do I ask? And we give a ton of questions in the book, you know, holding up the mirror questions, self-intervention questions. So it's all about the question. You can reveal so much about yourself. You can reveal everything about yourself and your life. Crystal, let me interrupt you. Can you give them, I just want you to keep going. Could you give them the holding up the mirror question?

1:24:41Just because to me, that's one of them that stood out for me. Just that one, please. Okay. So when you're having this emotional feeling, like you were just about anything. Say you're in a relationship, you know, and you think, oh gosh, he's doing this to me because, you know, he doesn't love me enough or blah, blah, blah, all these things. Start to hold up the mirror. What am I feeling right now, you know, in this moment? Is the information that, you know, I feel like he hates me. Well, is that information true? Right? So, you're questioning, you're basically looking at every single thing you're feeling and experiencing and holding up in the mirror, holding up the mirror and saying, what is it about this that is causing me to feel this way?

1:25:24Does it have any truth? Am I responding in a way that is just programming from my old experiences? What are those experiences that seem similar to this, that I'm probably tagging on to this experience right now? I promise you, every single problem that couples have is usually that baggage from the past that we never get into, right? And so, I love to tell people, so the ask yourself part, Ed, is that reflective journey, okay? And there are really three critical phases of that. The first critical phase is, where am I right now? Like whatever it is, whether you're dealing with your relationships, your career, even your health and fitness, it's that moment of truth, where am I right now?

1:26:12Because you can't figure out where to go until you really start to question yourself and start to understand where you are right now really and truly. How are you feeling? Are you happy with this thing you're doing? Does it feel right? Does this career that you're doing feel like it's in alignment with you or this relationship, whatever it is? When you start to ask, where am I right now with this, a whole bunch of questions will open up to you, you know, sub-questions. The second sort of critical phase is where do I want to be? And it's, it's striking to me as a transformational life coach, how few people spend time with themselves asking these questions.

1:26:47Where do I really want to be in my life? What do I really want? And we're afraid to ask the question big enough. So Mark and I always say, ask the question from the greatest place in your imagination, from the nth degree of your greatest imagination. Just don't ask how to get through the next day, but ask, where do I really want to be in my ultimate state of life, say in my career? And then imagine your greatest career and then start asking the questions backwards. In this greatest career of my imagination, who am I talking to every day? What am I, how am I serving? What products, what services?

1:27:22How are people responding to what I'm bringing? What does that feel like? Who are my top clients? And in that way, you can literally start to engineer your perfect life backwards, but you have to take the time in the questions, in the asking of those questions. And then the third critical phase of that is, you know, what specific action steps do I need to take to move that forward? Because so often, you know, and we say, get your asking journal, write down everything, because you will get illuminations. You'll get solutions. You'll get ideas. Plans will start to form. You need to write them down and keep asking your way forward.

1:27:58You need to pick up the phone and call that person that came to mind, right? Because this is all feedback from the universe, from God's perfectly divine universe. It's funny because we looked at a lot of studies when we were doing this book. And when you ask yourself a question, a different part of your brain lights up. And it's part of your brain that does critical thinking. So suddenly you're asking yourself a question, your own brain becomes a better resource to you. but so few people get stuck in the problem and never ask their way out of it. They just see the problem and regurgitate it and regurgitate it.

1:28:35You're so right. I just, I'm sitting there thinking of all the applications for this wisdom that's in the book and that you guys teach. I'm thinking about it, not even as an individual. If I were leading a company right now and we're in a rut, we're not moving. You said from a big place, perhaps your job as a leader in that company is to ask a bigger and better question to your leadership. What's the different question you need to be asking them? You want to change the direction of your company. Maybe you need to ask a different question of the leadership in your company, a bigger, bolder question, because they've been in this pattern of the old one.

1:29:08Or maybe if you want to change your family dynamic, there's a question your family's asking. You're just not conscious of it. So what's the bigger question that transforms your family into a magnet? If you're leading a church, what's the bigger question? Well, let's talk about love today. let's talk about a little love. I'm so excited for today. So many people knew that this man was coming on and they're like, ask him this, ask him that, ask him this. I'll try to get the questions in for you guys. All right. But I got a lot of my own too. He's got a book out called how to be love, duh, both individually and the plural simple truths for going easier on yourself, embracing imperfection and loving your way to a better life.

1:29:49Man, do I need to know more about this. So humble the poet. Welcome, brother. Thank you so much for having me. The first chapter of the book is love is a path, not a destination. Yeah. Yeah. What the heck does that mean? I think so often we think that there's like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and we don't realize that the pot of gold is the rainbow. You know, it's not about, because we watch movies and there's always a happily ever after and we don't know what the day after they're happily ever after is, but our lives move in cycles. We have, you know, Maybe not in LA, but we have four seasons and things move circular.

1:30:22And I think it's just really important to understand that it's not about what the work gets you. It's who you become doing all of this work, who you become on this journey. And again, different cultures believe in different things, but this idea that there's something at the end waiting for us really has us always not appreciating where we are. So it's really about climbing a mountain, not worrying about getting to the top and enjoying the view every step of the way. yeah that sounds good but man even me in my life i've struggled with that like i've struggled with enjoying right now yeah because i'm looking so forward to the next thing that i've got yeah and you when you meet you like there's a tranquility that's a word that i would use to describe you a tranquility about you and i think like the topic of love itself lewis and i we're just talking.

1:31:16And one of the things that we both acknowledge about ourselves is our, the work we're doing on allowing ourselves to feel loved. I'm pretty good at giving love, but receiving it. And your work's profound because it's not only, it explores a loving relationships with other people and the one you have with yourself. How do you think the one you have with yourself affects the one you have with other people? I think the one, the one that we have with ourselves is the only one and our relationships with everybody else and every other thing, it's just a mirror of that relationship. You know, like as you're talking about this challenge to receive love, I think a lot of us, especially men, were kind of subtly signaled to put up these walls to protect ourselves, not realizing that these walls were prisons, you know, and we were blocking a lot of love and the pathways of love to realize love.

1:32:07It wasn't coming in because these walls were preventing us from being vulnerable. Vulnerability is the number one thing you need to create a connection. For me and you to become closer and closer friends is going to require us to get more and more vulnerable with each other. Lewis mentioning us going to Poland. We suffered together and we got closer. Had we gone to an all-inclusive resort trip to Hawaii, we wouldn't have bonded the same way. We bonded off of sharing our fears, sharing our insecurities, sharing tears together on that trip. And we put up so many walls because we're afraid of being exposed.

1:32:41You're afraid of that. And again, it's not zero in a hundred. You don't have to go and start sharing your deepest, darkest secrets with somebody. What I learned was have two vulnerable stories in your pocket that you can share with a complete stranger that would not scare them away. Give me an example of that. So one of mine is my relationship with my puppy. So I had a German shepherd for 11 years who lived out his life. And we had to make the decision to put him to sleep because his hips gave away so he couldn't walk. and after that I never wanted to own a dog again you know to watch to watch your your child you know pass away in your arms yeah it it broke my heart so I would just be everybody else's backseat dog owner without having one myself um until somebody you know during the pandemic said hey somebody had ordered this puppy through a breeder and uh they thought it was going to turn out red or brown and it came out black they don't want it you know do you want this puppy and I was like dog racism that's so weird but also i plan on moving to this i lived in toronto in canada and i was like i'm moving to the states i can't have a puppy um you know a few shots of tequila later i was like i need the puppy you know i need the puppy give me the puppy and even then after i signed up for the puppy i still have to wait the puppy was just born that day i'd still wait two months uh and i got i got this beautiful puppy and you know she took the plane ride over here with me and she's been living her beautiful girl la life and it's been amazing and during the pandemic, you drop your dog off at the vet at the front door.

1:34:07They don't let you in. That's right. And we're the groomer, same thing. Everything. Yeah. And then, you know, as everything subsided, I went to a vet in Studio City and I went inside and I saw the metal table and I instantly had an emotional reaction because I hadn't seen that since I put my previous dog to sleep. And I didn't realize how much it would emotionally, you know, get me jarring. So that is, you know, and so it helps me realize how much of an emotional journey I've had owning animals and also realizing that if everything works out the way it's supposed to, I will always outlive them.

1:34:37Because even with this new puppy, she's a smaller breed, but that's still a max 15 years. So that's an example of me being vulnerable. And I can tell that to a stranger without being worried that it's going to scare them away. No, it actually already makes me feel more connected to you and like you more too. And it also gives you an opportunity to be vulnerable with me. Exactly right. And I think that's the thing we all learn, whether we paid attention to or not is when we're authentically vulnerable with other people, they generally don't judge us and they see that as an opportunity for them to feel safe enough to be vulnerable with us.

1:35:07And I think that's the important part. Bro, I love you because I have to tell you something. I love you too, man. I'm not great at a lot of things. I'm really not. That is something I'm pretty darn good at is being vulnerable, especially as I've gotten older. And I have found that that's been the pathway in my life to having other people open up to me and to connect me with them. Whereas I used to have the prison you described, whereas I just need to let you know how great I am, how perfect I am and not show any of those weaknesses or vulnerabilities or anything actually even real. This is the Ed Myron Show.