Destroy The Victim Mindset, Build Generational Success, And BE A LEADER Feat. Jeezy

26:00And it's just like either you're going to be a leader that leads with evolution or you're going to be a leader that leads with violence. And that's how it works. You know what I'm saying? So there's not a lot of leaders that lead with evolution. Right. Because those are the ones that, you know, something you ever heard. Like when we talk, we say, wow, the good guys got to go. So those are the ones that get killed. It's interesting you say that. The ones that lead with evolution end up experiencing the violence. Right. There you go. You know what we're both thinking. I was thinking of Dr. King, right?

26:28Yeah, same thing. When you said it. Yeah, same thing. And even some of these kids, you know, like Nipsey Hussle. Great example. He's one of my great, you know, Nipsey Hussle. We used to trade books. Nipsey was, he had a hard to go. And when you look at his situation, you can't help but think, like, how could, you know, like, this was somebody that was pouring back into the community, but he was leading with evolution. Yeah. Right? And the guys that lead with violence, you know, end up being in these situations where, you know, they live longer. As a result of that, I watched an interview you did and you said, I really don't trust anybody.

27:03Right. And then the host pushed you a little bit. You're like, well, that was my former life. And I watched. I said, no, he still doesn't really trust anybody. Like if we're being really, really honest, like let's just cut the right. I don't think you really completely trust anybody even right now. You're absolutely right. But I find myself opening up more and being transparent. But I still have to keep, you know, what kept me, even though it doesn't serve me that much in this life, I'm learning to trust and to understand and to get only quality people around. because when you have only quality people around, it's easy for them to show you that they can be trusted to a certain extent.

27:46But I will tell you that 98 % of people that I've ever led in my life have burnt me some type of way, you know what I'm saying, to the point where I'm just like, I already knew that was going to happen. Why did I even go there? And my reason, I think, for not trusting is I've never, outside of my grandmother I've never experienced someone who gave me unconditional love yep right and I never experienced someone that gave me like full transparency yep and you know I used to live out of survival and fear you know I'm saying but I try now to live more out of love but you know I still can't, like Nipsey Hussle, I can't think that I'm exempt to what is going on because I'm still a part of that culture.

28:37So I have to still, it's almost like being a soldier. If you go to Afghanistan or whatever and you come back, you still have that mentality that I got to protect myself and my family if something happens because I know how to do that. I knew today was going to be good, but I didn't know it would be this good. No, I mean it. And I'm going to tell you something. And like you pull when you're this honest, you pull honesty out of me and other people. And here's the truth. So I'm not a part of that culture, but I'm a part of life. Right. And I think that, again, I think that culture is a like a microcosm, a compressed version of what the rest of life is.

29:12And if I'm being really honest, if I'm being really honest, same with me. I think even saying 98 is a generous. Right. It might be like 99. 0.7324. Like, and I think what I landed on was I'm going to be trustworthy, but I'm pretty guarded with my trust and, and, uh, and life has proven to me that. And by the way, what's cool about that conclusion is that it's caused me to try to search for where can I trust? And for me, that's God. Right. Right. Like I don't put my faith in a man. I got to tell you about that too. Please do. Cause that's what I've reached you. Please go ahead. What were you going to say?

29:50I mean, I, you know, I must, I must say, like, I don't know what's been going on with me lately. You know what I'm saying? And like the last year. But I used to pray all the time because my grandmother taught me to pray. But I never heard anything. Right. I never. But like lately, like I might be like meditating and he talks to me constantly. I love it. And I'm serious, like to the point, like it almost scares me sometimes. Right. Right. And, you know, I nobody's perfect. Right. So as long as I walk with God, I know I'll be good. Right. But people and the type of people that he's brought in my life, like it's crazy.

30:37Like you wouldn't believe the type of people that, you know, call me, check on me or whatever. And a lot of them don't understand where I come from and what I've been through. So, you know, they might not understand some of our mannerisms sometimes, but I make sure when I'm with them, I let them know that I'm really there for them and they're there for me. But what I've noticed, and you said about trust, is like I trust that God is going to make sure it's good, but I still got to watch the front door for us. You know what I'm saying? I just can't let anybody in the front door. Yes. Because that's our sacred space.

31:13And, you know, it's so interesting because you look at any part of life, I'm quite sure anybody can say that they don't really have people that they can trust. And the thing about coming from, like, where we come from, especially where I come from, I can't even say that about some of my closest family. You know what I'm saying? And it's just like you would think you can trust your uncles. You would think that you can trust, you know what I'm saying? And all these different things. And my older brother died when we was younger. So I had to be the oldest. Right. So I had to kind of jump out there here first.

31:45And my experience with it just put me in a place where I just put up all these boundaries. Right. And what I'm starting to notice lately is that, you know, that wall that I put up, you know, it protected me. It kept everything out. I mean, it kept everything out. Well, it kept everything in, but it also kept a lot of stuff out. So a lot of my blessings that were supposed to come to me, they were out by the wall because I was blocking them. So I didn't take the wall down. I just took like the first three layers off so I could see over the wall. So I could see. Look at that. That's such a perfect description.

32:24Right, right, right. By the way, that is such a perfect description. Right. Because if you don't have let people in, you are keeping out so many blessings in your life. Yeah. I think it's almost like for me, like, by the way, taking a few of those bricks, those levels off the wall is exactly what I've done. Like you're saying things that either I haven't had the confidence to say or the ability to say that I totally agree with. I love when I'm talking to somebody and I'm like, because it makes me, it hits my heart. Like that's truth. Right. Like, you know what I mean? Like that's truth. What he just said.

32:53That's what I've done too. And almost a little bit other than with God, I trust, but verify. I don't have to verify with God. That's already been verified for me. Right. Right. And I also trust God will bring people into my life that can get close to me. But I also believe there's free will, there's free choice. And he's going to teach us lessons in life. There are Judases in our lives, right? That's part of the stories of the Bible or whatever your faith might be. There's that. There's also, though, it's really interesting. You could have written a book about a lot of things. You wrote one about adversity.

33:26Yes. And I'm like, because this is a ton of topics you could have done about, you know, overcoming limiting beliefs, overcoming your environment, because you had, you transcended an environment, which is very rare in life. Why is adversity the topic of the book? And why did you think this is the thing I want to talk about? Oh, wow. That's a great question. Um, that's what I pride myself in. You know what I'm saying? Like I would be that adversity specialist, if you will. Um, that's what keeps me going. That's, that's, that's my purpose my purpose is to continue to evolve no matter what but to continue to give that information back to my culture and to my people and to be an example of what it's like to to come out of that because every situation that i've been in and it's funny that we was talking about god i don't care how crazy it got he always put somebody in my life around the time that I needed some information or a ear or a connection or just a process.

34:31It never fails, right? And I truly believe that he does that for me to show people that you can maintain your integrity and be a solid individual and still survive. I love it. You know, without doing anything that would go against who you are as a man and then your legacy. Because, you know, when you think about some of the great leaders, they did great things, right? But their integrity is what kept you locked into them, right? Because you got people that are successful, but they did a lot of foul things. And when you hear people talk about them, you're like, wow, I never knew that. And adversity to me is that small glare of hope.

35:19Because if I tell you what I went through in this book, your life might be totally different, but you might be up against the same odds. I can tell you that that's the truth. My life is totally different than yours. But I see great storytellers tell me stories with a you meaning. Right. So as I read your work, I didn't grow up like that. But I have my version of it in my life. Right. And so the lessons in the book, the lessons in this conversation, I don't care what someone's life story is. These are facts. Like you said something so important that God has sent you that person when you needed them, the information, the insight, whatever it might be.

35:57I want everybody to hear this man said this. And the reason that I want you to hear it is he does that for you too. The difference is you need to be an expectation that he's going to and aware that he's going to, because he has probably sent those people to you previously in your life. and if you're not aware he's doing it or open to the possibility he's doing it, you will miss them. Yeah. You will miss them. It's like that analogy of the people that are sitting on the roof during the flood. Someone comes by and says, hey, jump in the boat. Nope, I'm waiting for God to save me. Somebody else comes by in a boat.

36:25I'm waiting for God to save me. Third guy comes by in a boat. I'm waiting for God to save me. Then they drown and they get to heaven and they go, God, I thought you were going to save me. He goes, I sent three damn people in a boat. Three boats in a boat. Get in the damn boat, right? And so there's a there's some there's you have to be an expectation that God is going to send you a blessing at some point. But if you're not looking for it and expecting it, you don't hear them or see them or feel them. And then you miss them. You have to be in a good place, too, though. You have to be in a good place with yourself.

36:53I really realized that because there was times that I wasn't in a good place for myself. And it was just a bunch of noise. I let things on the outside of me control my emotions, how I felt. You know what I'm saying? I just had to come to a place where and I'm not there yet, of course, but I just started to understand what what peace was like to get a little taste of that. And I started to understand what going inward was about, because the minute I started going inward, everything changed. Right. Because now I'm not I can't fault anyone in my life for what they've done to me. I have to look inside and see what how I reacted or what I've done to contribute to that.

37:36Right. And I can't blame anyone else. Right. And for me, when I started to understand that is when things started to slow down. Right. Yes. I wasn't present. I go have conversations with people. It's all on the surface. Yeah, it's all good. Whatever. I'm gone. But then I started taking time like to look people in their eyes and be like, are you all right, man? How you feeling? Like, what's going on? And I started to have conversations where I wasn't, you know, leading all of the conversation. Like, you know, just tell me, you know, how you feeling? What's going on? And when people came to me, you know, and I pride myself on having a lot of advice.

38:10That's just like my thing. You know, I think I'm like, you know, the therapist among the crew. You know what I'm saying? But I ask them. I ask them now. Do I say, you know, one is, you know, do you want me to just listen? You know what I'm saying? Two is, do you want me to tell you what I think? Or three is, do you want me to side with you? because I could do that too. You know what I'm saying? So I could be like, oh, that's crazy. That should have never happened. And I started to understand because, you know, where we come from, it's hard for somebody to tell you how they really feel. It took me until I was 40 to tell somebody I was sad or I was depressed.

38:41You know what I'm saying? Think about that. Or I don't feel confident about this. You know what I'm saying? Or that I might be, you know, concerned. Yeah. Because when you're that guy, you have to - Can't show weakness. Yeah, you can't show anything. You said earlier, I'm depressed. I'm drinking. Right. I'm drinking a bottle of champagne in the morning, moving a tequila in the afternoon. Right. You're eating. You're heavy. Yeah. Right. You're stressed. You're worried. You're running. You're running. You're running. Is there any one thing you did? Was there any one moment or was it just an accumulation of things where you're like, that's enough.

39:09I can't do this anymore. I would say this. I didn't have a purpose before then. I was just chasing money and trying to get out of my situation. And he did that. God did that for me. He took me out of my situation. and I'm four albums in, about eight million records sold. Crazy. Like, but what am I doing for him? How am I continuing his message? What am I doing? He took me out of a situation where I could have had a life sentence. It was there. I still don't know how I dodge that, by the way. I think about that all the time, but it was there, right? And I've lost, you know, so many people, and I sat there, I'm just like, yo, like, you know, right now I'm the issue.

39:51I need to work on myself because the things that I have going on inside of me, it's no way to lead anyone. Right. And I'm making music. I got millions of people listening to me and listening to what I'm saying. I'm not a saint, but I do got common sense. Right. And it's just like I'm saying things that might affect people in different ways. But I'm like and my thing is the audio got to match the video. Right. So I'm saying this stuff, but I'm doing something else. And I got to get on line with what I'm saying. So now I'm walking into it. And it was the scariest thing in my life. And by the way, just so we clear, I was met with a moment where I knew it was a moment.

40:34Meaning I was, my first album came out. I was selling, and this is Statue of Limitations, by the way. Anybody listen, I'm good. I talked to my lawyers about it. And I had to make a decision, which was one of the biggest decisions. I had to make a decision what I was going to do because I was trying to balance the streets and music. And I had some small piece of success. And I had to walk away cold turkey from the streets. Now, mind you, that may depend on music, right? And when I did that, I had three of those Nextel chirp phones. That's what we used to talk on. And all those phones had a lot of money on them.

41:18Like, people owed me money. And I woke up and I just said, I'm not doing this no more. I put the phones in the bag, threw them in the trash bin in my building, and I walked away. Right? And that was like my first, like, okay, I'm going to do this music stuff. Now, mind you, about eight months later, I'm performing at a show and tear my vocal cords. Now, I can't talk. I got a record deal with a major label I can't talk I got shows booked up from here to 2000 whatever I can't go on the stage and that was the first time he humbled me he humbled me he humbled me and I had to really look at this and go I'm so close this could happen what do I need to do and that was just a lot of praying a lot of confusion and then he let me live I got a throat surgery that I didn't have insurance at the time imagine I had Lamborghinis all this stuff and no health insurance.

42:15Imagine that. So I had to pay for my surgery with cash and then I got back out there and I started the same thing. And then that's when he hit me again with Bell's palsy. He hit me with Bell's palsy in my face. For real? Yeah, my face got crooked and my mouth was and it was like my eye was shut. Was that from stress? That was God. Because he let me live again and I went back out and started doing the same thing and was going about it the same way and after that i was just like you know what man i gotta change something because i've been too blessed you know what i'm saying and and and now i'm looking at it and i'm going like the next thing might not even be something i can recover from and that's what started me to just start to understand that i gotta start fixing some of my ways and it first started with like a lot of my personal stuff i would do like you know just you You know, I came from a situation where if you sit down with somebody, it's like sitting down and you're being interrogated.

43:12I'm not going to tell you the truth. You know what I'm saying? I can't. You know what I'm saying? It's like it's against the cold and it might get me in a lot of trouble. But then I started to notice that a grown man should never lie, even if it's going to get him out of trouble. You know what I'm saying? So now I got to change this. You know, that wasn't easy to do because I was taught to say whatever I had to say to get out of any situation. And now I'm having to work through this. And that was like the first step. And then it started going on different steps, different steps. and when I got to a place where I started to um to answer your question when I started to realize that I gotta I gotta do some work right I didn't know where I didn't know where to start I just started YouTube and stuff talking to older people telling I had my business partner now he's been my business partner for like 20 years I would just go sit with him and tell him what's really going on I'm like man I got about five people trying to kill me like I got beef with these guys over here and that and then this is happening that was I was in the shootout last week and now this is that and I got to go to California and this is happening and he's just like okay okay just calm down okay what are you concerned about most and then we started to like work through proms and he's like okay well you have you ever thought about reaching out to them and you know just having a conversation but my thing was you know they're the opposition so I gotta press because I can't let my guys think that I'm trying to sort all these things out and I just started to understand that there is a such thing called conflict resolution so that started to help me out a little bit as far as my life.

44:37And now I got in a space where I started having a little piece and I was able to start like working on myself, like my health and reading books and just all these different things. And that thirst for knowledge kicked back in because I hate learning in school. When I was in school, like I dropped out of school in the sixth grade. I got my GED when I was in boot camp. That's crazy. Right. And then when I, and like in the, around that time, it just hit me again. I just had this thirst for like knowledge and I just started going around asking people questions and think about this now. It went from me asking, you know, somebody that I knew that worked at a restaurant that I just felt like was had some type of prestige from that point to me calling John Maxwell and going, hey, I got seven questions I need to ask.

45:19You know, John, he like shoot him at me to that to Robert Green, you know, to Robin Sherma, Tony, Tony Robbins and all these and not to like name drop. But it's just like I'm getting this information now to give back to the coach. Because I'm able to go outside of my comfort zone to get it. But this stuff helps me with my life as well. Like we were talking about Louis earlier. But I've always been that type of person. So to answer your question, I got the information from the people that I respected at the time that I was able to mingle with. And I don't come as a, you know, my reputation exceeds me.

45:56I don't come, and by the way, the most gangsta guys where I'm from are the coolest guys you ever see. They're not loud. They're not boisterous. They're like Denzel in American Gangsta. They're real smooth, but they will reach out and touch you. I can tell you, this is like an all-time great conversation. It's an all-time great conversation. A lot of things about you that I notice. One is like how self-aware you are. Just driving out here. It's like, I think you were here today, like there's millions of people who are going to be like, oh my God, this is unbelievable. But at the same time, lately on this show, God sends me the right person in that seat for me.

46:32I've got some stuff going on in my life right now that's not great. And some of it's betrayal stuff with other people like we're talking about. However, I was just talking to somebody, actually someone that's producing a TV show I'm doing right now. Literally before you got here, I was driving out here. And I said, I want to figure out what God's trying to teach me with this lesson. And that's one of the things you said earlier is like, what am I supposed to be learning from this? What am I supposed to be? I'm not going to get nothing for Eric Thomas says all the time. You better get something for your pain.

46:58Right. You know, and the other thing you do very well is a lot of times when you begin to teach things you're learning, you begin to own them more. So a lot of you that are learning things, listening to the show, you don't teach it enough to other people. And the more you begin to teach it, the more you actually begin to live it. People think I can't teach any of this until I'm living it. No, you could say, look, I'm not good at this yet, but this is what I'm learning. Right. And the more you begin to teach something, I found in my own life, like not everything I've taught all the time I was doing at the time, but I was honest enough to say I wasn't.

47:29This isn't me yet. Let me tell you, this is what so-and-so gave me advice on or what I know I need to change about me. And the more I taught things, the more I own them. The other thing I've always wanted to know about you, and I know the answer because it's in the book and in interviews you've done, but of all the people you collaborated with, one of the other things that holds people back in addition to, and by the way, I want to step back. You play such an important role in culture right now because of what you just said. there are not enough people reaching people in the communities you come from or young people with this knowledge and information.

48:01The world's different. This isn't 30 years ago where you could just get a Tony Robbins tape. There are dudes like me, guys like you, people like John that this information's there, but it's not what most people from these communities are consuming on their feet every single day. And the fact that you're saying, hey, listen, I come from this, Let me teach you this. And this could be someone from a particular culture, a particular age group, a particular part of the world. That's why I do this. Podcasting is not a big source of revenue for me. I've got businesses. That's real. But what it is for me is, and by the way, serious.

48:35No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. We're in the middle of a negotiation right now. That's a whole other story. But having said that, I want to make sure to acknowledge you and the role that you're playing. And again, this combination. I received that. It's a fact. And the combination of your humility with your confidence is crazy. It's like an honor for me, everybody, to introduce this man to you, because today's going to be an absolute treasure with the great Les Brown. So, Les, thank you so much for being here. Well, thank you so much for having me. And you're very modest. I'm looking at the greatest speaker on the planet.

49:08I don't think you can sneak up on me. I know when I'm in the presence of greatness, I listen to you. I thank you for the work that you're doing, the lives that you've transformed, and the impact that you're making on the planet. The reason I ask you this is when I introduced you as the greatest speaker that I've ever seen, and by the way, that short changes it. I believe greatest teacher, communicator that I've ever seen in my life. And the other one that made the impact on me was Art Williams, who I know you would both agree. This was an amazing communicator, still is. And so I met him one time, and he gave me a nice compliment about a talk I had given.

49:44And so I said, well, there's only, there's two I've ever seen in my life. And I said, it's you, Mr. Williams. And I said, and then Les Brown's in a class all his own. And I said, he's so talented and gifted. And he stopped me. And this leads to your mother. Again, a situation that I know about, I'd like you to share. And he goes, he's not that talented and gifted. He's a worker. He works. Les works at it. This is a skill he's developed. He wasn't born with this. He's worked at it. if you knew the people I know, this guy is on the road, he works. And then I was listening to you and this amazing, your mother's this theme in your life.

50:22But when you were a young boy, your mother lost the ability to work. And so I think the story is she starts sort of like making a little moonshine to sort of support the family. Right. And something happens. And I think you're like 10 years old, something like this. Right. And then you've got to take over. Would you just share this? Because I think everything happens for us, not to us. Our test will be our testimony. And the messes of our lives don't disqualify us. I think so many people think this mess I'm in, this divorce, this business failure, this choice I made, I'm not proud of that. I'm ashamed of it.

50:54It disqualifies me. My background, my upbringing, I'm disqualified. Turns out you can turn those things in to be your testimony. And this situation with your mom, I think, triggered this work ethic in you at a young age that Art told me about. Yes. Mama, she started selling homebrew and moonshine. And it was difficult for us at that time, for her raising seven children. She was injured on a job. And so she promised our birth mother that these children will never go to bed hungry. We will always have a roof over our head and clothes on our back. And a man came. I'll never forget what you're talking about.

51:35So you've done your research as much as I've been doing research on you. You and I are so much alike. And this guy, his name was Calhoun, and he knocked on the door. He said, Leslie, how are you doing? I said, fine. Mama always said, don't ever open the door without telling me. And I said, oh, hey, Mama. No, no, no, no, don't tell her. I've got two friends with me. We're going to surprise her. Open the door. And I opened the door and let them come in. And one of the guys grabbed me. I was 10 years old in the throat and hit me on the side of the head and threw me up against the wall. And he said, she's back there in the room.

52:15And they went back there. And Mama was selling homebrew and moonshine. And he said, pull up the linoleon. And they pull up the linoleon. And she kept it under the floor of the house that we were in. And they brought Mama out in handcuffs. that I said, Mama, I'm so sorry. And she said, it's okay, Leslie. It's okay. And she never, ever, ever mentioned it when she came back. And so we didn't have any relatives. We adopted. So the neighbors, you know, they will come in and bring us food from time to time. And I would collect copper and aluminum and sometimes stand in the corner, hey, boy, come over and get on a truck with older men to move heavy equipment.

53:16But years later, fast forward, man, I had it in my heart. If I ever saw this guy again, I'll kill him. And boy, you know, God, boy, he has a sense of humor. Here I am talking to my young son, John Leslie, who's a speaker and trainer. I said, John Leslie, anger is a wind that blows out the lamp of the mind. He said, what do you mean by that, Daddy? I said, don't allow anger to govern you. Never make a decision why you are angry. It blows out the wind of the mind. You make decisions and do things that you will regret later. and this time a guy comes over and tapped my knee on the shoulder and he said hello sir i just want you to know we here in miami are so proud of you i had a talk show that king world had paid me five million dollars to do that less round talk show now look i'll never forget his face i said to myself oh my god it's calhoun now here's my son here and I'm looking at this guy's face and put my mother in jail and man I start I was just shouting the breath and and John Leslie said dad are you all right I said no and he and he this guy he just one shake my man yes Leslie man you you you you really making us all proud.

54:48And I said, excuse me, sir, excuse me. And I went outside and my son said, what's going on? Is it something you ate? I said, no. I gotta go. I said, let's get in the car. I gotta go. He said, what's happening, Dad? And I drove away for a little while and I I parked on the side to collect myself. I said, that man, he's the one that put your grandmother in jail. And I promised if I ever saw him again, I would kill him. He said, oh, God. I said, John Leslie, you know what? It's a God moment. He said, why? I said, I got that hatred out of my heart for him. because you were here. I have to model what I'm teaching you.

55:45People say, practice what you preach. But God, put it in me. I got to preach what I practice. I got to forgive. And forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is remembering without anger. I forgive him, but most of all, I forgive myself. Please forgive me, God, for carrying this anger and hatred all these years. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Listen to me. I've never told this story before. Oh, my gosh. Man, this thing, you know, Forrest Gump at a point, life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get. After all I got to say about that. I can't believe you just shared it with us. Oh, my gosh.

56:39Your life is, one of the things about you, Les, is that your life is such an example of what's possible. I mean, everybody, I want you to just be picturing this about this beautiful man. I want you, this is, he's born, his mother ends up giving to adoption to Mamie, he and his brother. They live in these conditions. He's 10 years old. His mother has to go away for a while. He's got to support the family. He's had all these incidents he's had to observe up close. There are other ones with his mother when she's cleaning houses and this woman claps her hands because she's got to know when her mother's in a room because she's going to steal something, which his mother would never do.

57:13This man goes on to influence millions. I mean, literally millions of people's lives. And then this is what's great about all of us making our dreams come true. When you make your dreams come true, the dreams of other people and dreams you can't picture also come true because then he influences this goofy dude, me, 20 something years old working at an orphanage and it inspires me to change my life. So it's just your life is such an example. And what's interesting to me, Les, is it was mainly tied to mom, meaning you wanted to do something great for your mother all your life. And that was bigger, I think, than any obstacle that got in your way.

57:49I'd like you to share this with people because I think most people don't understand the power of having something big you're going after that means more to you than the pain you're going to have to go through in order to get it. I don't think enough people set huge big goals that are from the heart. Don't you agree? Yes, you said that. I was listening to you last night. You know, Dexter Yeager, as you know from Amway, he said if the dream is big enough, the odds don't matter. And so when you say dream big, that's major. One, there's power in pursuit because as Jim Rowan said, it's not the accomplishment of the goal that matters.

58:28is what you become in pursuit of the dream in the process. Because when you have a big dream, it will introduce you to a part of yourself that you don't know right now, that you will never discover in your comfort zone. Because in order to achieve that dream, you've got to die to who you are now. I must die daily. You must die to who you are now to give birth to who you are to become. I believe that all of us have stories of greatness in us. And follow me as I say this, as this downer. We all have stories of greatness within us. In the beginning was the word. Thou shalt agree a thing and shall be established unto you.

59:14When shall the kingdom of God come? Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. When shall it come? The kingdom of God cometh not by observation. They shall say, is neither low there, low here. Behold, the kingdom of God is within you. And that kingdom is voice activated. So when you speak, people who are in a dark place, you will bring them out into the light. When you speak, somebody's got a gun to their head. When you speak, they'll realize life is God's gift to me. And how I live my life is my gift to God. When you speak, someone who's depressed and feeling anxious will remember, be anxious for nothing.

59:58I'll keep thee in perfect peace whose mind has stayed on thee. So that's the power that you bring. And all the products that you have on YouTube that I've, I mean, how ironic. They said, coincidence is God's way of staying anonymous. I've been so marinated listening to your stuff. and then you've been listening to me come on what look at god what a mighty god we serve come on you can't make this stuff up that's like my honor to think that you listening to my stuff i gotta tell you you guys you know you you just get what i i started i told you all you just have this treasure it's like you never want to stop hearing from less he's just he's just remarkable when the way you pull things and download them from all these places, it's just, it's mind blowing.

1:00:52I wish I were that great. You are the messenger and you are the message. This episode is brought to you by Marshalls, where you never have to compromise between quality and price. The buyers of Marshalls hustle hard, working to bring you great deals on brand name and designer pieces, because Marshalls believes everyone deserves access to the good stuff. Visit a Marshall store near you or shop online at marshalls.com.

1:01:52When did making plans get this complicated? That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. my guest today 13 years ago today was sentenced to essentially life in prison 13 years ago today and then he finds himself sitting across from me 13 years later having completely transformed his life and has become one of the great speakers on planet earth one of the great influencers on planet earth and has become dear friends with many of my best friends and it's one of the most remarkable stories you are ever going to hear in your damn life.

1:02:34So get ready, strap in. And here is Damon West. Damon, welcome to the show, brother. Let's go back first. And let's just go to 13 years ago today. First, we can go back from there, but let's just go to that. What, what does that feel like when you hear the words that you are guilty and going away? What is the emotional feeling that someone like you only you can experience? What is that moment like in someone's? I've always wonder. I've never been able to ask somebody that question before. Right. No, it's like, look down the barrel of a gun and someone pulled the trigger and that's it. I mean, they unloaded on me.

1:03:07And what does it feel like? It feels like rock bottom. That was my rock bottom moment. And it feels like, I felt like I got punched in the stomach really hard when, you know, the wind is knocked out of you. When the judge read the sentence out 65 years and it was like, man, they just hit me with life. And I knew it was going to be bad because I walked back in the courtroom. First of all, the trial lasted six days. Six days is a long criminal trial for crimes that were non-aggravated. No one was ever home during the burglars I committed. They're all meth-related burglars, property crimes around meth.

1:03:36Now, it doesn't mean I didn't do the crime. I did the crimes, and I was a bad guy, because when I broke into people's houses, my victims, I didn't just steal their property, man. I stole their sense of security. And so I deserved to go to prison. But the trial lasted six days, and over those six days, the jury heard the story of Damon West. And as they heard the story more and more, they began to resent and hate Damon West. And I could see it in their eyes. I could feel it coming out of them. And they had every right to, because here's a guy in front of them that had everything going in life, every advantage, every privilege, every opportunity.

1:04:07And they had, at the end of that six day trial, they went to deliberate for 10 minutes. Oh my gosh. 10 minutes, bro. 10 minutes on your life. 10 minutes on my life. And I came back in the courtroom. What? They give you a bologna sandwich whenever you're in the breaks back there. People don't see this, but in the back, they have a holding cell and they bring you lunch because your lunch is a bologna sandwich when you're in jail. and I'm sitting there taking a couple bites of the bologna sandwich and the bailiff comes in and says they're ready and I'm like I couldn't even chew the sandwich my throat knotted up I spit it out in the toilet are you freaking kidding yeah man because it's like oh dude that's not good so I walked back to the courtroom and and I have two paid attorneys Ed I'm a white middle-class guy in America I've got two paid attorneys I've never had a felony conviction I thought I was going to get probation that day and I thought I'd be out getting high because I'm still an addict in my addiction right and so i come back into the courtroom and my second chair counselor a woman named karen lambert she said brace yourself it's gonna be bad and i'm like how bad karen she said well you were gone for that brief 10 minutes the jury sent a note into the judge from the jury room they wanted to know if they could give you life without parole ed life without parole is a capital punishment these aren't capital crimes i'm like karen that's crazy she said get ready and the judge came back in.

1:05:20Damon Joseph West, you are hereby sentenced to 65 years in the Texas Department of Criminal Justice. The first thing I heard, yeah, the first thing I heard was my mother gasp out loud. She's behind me in the courtroom and, you know, the sound only a mother can make when she hears her son get a life sentence in prison and, Ed, that day, there's so much going on and after the moment's over, the sheriffs are on me, the bailiffs are on me, they're handcuffing me. They're dragging me out of the courtroom. And I lock eyes at my mom on the way out the door. And all I can think to say to my mom, Ed, is I'm sorry, mom.

1:05:50And I don't even know that I fully understood that I meant it or anything like that. But it's the only thing I can think to say to my poor mother. My father's there too. But Ed, right after that trial was over, my mother and my dad are brought into this. They put me in this little room. It's got a bulletproof glass. And they told me to wait on the other side of the glass. And my mom and my dad were escorted. And they feel sorry for my parents because I just got life. And so my mom has a conversation with me. It's a five minute little one-off deal. And, and she's just on it, man. And she's telling me, she's like, you know, Damon debts in life demand to be paid.

1:06:21You just got hit with one heck of a bill from the state of Texas. Cause she said, you did the things they said you did. So you're going to have to go to prison. You're going to pay that debt. You owe Texas that debt. She said, but you owe your father and I debt too. She said, we gave you all the opportunity, love and support to be anything you want to be in life. And she said, that's how you just repaid a statement she said that's not gonna work and she's reminding me she said we raised you in Port Arthur Texas a giant multi-part of a city gave you a great moral compass what you chose to not use she said so here's the debt you're gonna pay to us now Ed here it is man this is the direction of my life this is those moments that you come to and you say this is where it changed she said when you go to prison you will not get to one of these white hate groups one of these Aryan Brotherhood type of gangs because you're scared because you're the minority in there she said that's not gonna work you were never raised to be a racist you're not gonna start now she said you will not get she said you will not get any tattoos while you're inside that prison you don't have any no I don't have any tasks man I mean and I was in the joint for almost 10 years man these guys they want to tattoo every inch your body in a joint man every time these guys would come up to me in prison Wes let me put a tattoo on you man I'd be like man dude I can't do it man my mom said no because she did because listen to what she said next on May 18 2009 13 years ago today she says damon no gangs no tattoos she said you come back as the man we raised or don't come back at all oh my gosh brother i was floored ed yeah your mom rose to the occasion really right rose and she's a nurse man she's used to traumatic situations right she compartmentalized all the pain and got to work and i asked my mom since then i said mom what was it like for you because i'm i'm very like i said i want to ask you questions i want to ask questions i want to understand people in the moment yeah she said damon what i envisioned was my son is on a gurney dying and I'm doing triage to save my son's life.

1:08:05And I stepped up and that was what came to me from the Holy Spirit. She said, and my mom's a very devout Christian woman. So she said, that's what came to me. But it was like, you were on a gurney dying and I've got to stem the flow of blood or you're going to die. My gosh. So everyone, I want you to step back for a second. First thing is you're hearing this unbelievable story, right? And we're going to go deeper on it. But I want you to know, as we go through this story, you're going to begin to hear some of the turnarounds and the strategies and the tactics that have produced this guy sitting in front of me because some of the people that I admire and respect most in the world have been recommending Damon to me for some time.

1:08:36And God's just so amazing, man. We've been, you know, kind of trying to put something together for a while. And I, I send you a message on Instagram. I go, Hey, May 18th, get there. Yeah. You're like, you're like, I'll come right. And little do I know that that'd be the 13 year to the day anniversary of you getting life in prison. I had no idea what the date, I didn't even know what the significance meant at all. So God is just absolutely amazing that he sends you to me on that day. I call it God. Thanks, man. That's why I text you, dude, you're never going to believe this. not only is it the 13-year anniversary, it's my three-year anniversary of being married.

1:09:05My wife and I, Kendall and I got married 10 years to the day that I got sentenced to life in prison. You came to see me on your anniversary? Now I really love you. Thank you. And your wife probably hates me. No, we were in Mexico a couple of years. I didn't see that video. We were in Mexico. And so we went for our anniversary trip a week early, a couple of weeks early, because I have so many speaking engagements going on. Isn't this good to hear, by the way, because now you guys know there's like a happily ever after at some point, but let's stay in this thing here. Let's go. So, okay, you get sentenced, but let's go back.

1:09:32They were meth. It sounds pretty severe from what I understand happened. You had nonviolent robberies basically in your history and you were a meth addict. Is that accurate? Absolutely. So that's the, that's a long time life in prison with 65 years for nonviolent, you know, robberies, but let's just, you did the crime and you did time for it. It just seems excessive to me. And I think it is excessive, but let's go back. You get raised by obviously these beautiful parents. You're an unbelievable athlete, right? What was it one decision that altered the direction of your life? Is it one time you just decided to use drugs once and you just, bam, you were hooked or what took place?

1:10:06What took you down the road that led you 13 years ago to this day to sitting in that room? Yeah. You know, whenever I was younger, I got into substance abuse at a young age. My gateway drug was alcohol. It's the first thing I ever did. I got into my dad's beer when I was 10, you know, and after that, I smoked pot when I was 12 and I had a lot of character issues, man. But I could throw a football and this is Texas, man. Texas high school football. It's like a religion in my home state. These people are very serious about their football. And I was the man. I was a three year starting quarterback for a five A school.

1:10:35So my behaviors never were, I never, I was never held accountable for my behaviors and I'm not blaming anybody else for that. It's just, I mean, but I, um, I didn't, I didn't get held accountable. I was a good student. I made grades, um, got a scholarship to play football at the university or Texas. But I think the one decision that I made is that I got into substance abuse at a young age, I had no idea that I was an addict. You know, you don't, there's not a genetic test for this yet. I mean, maybe there will be one day, but I was an addict. And once I put in those chemicals for the first time, I liked the way it felt.

1:11:04I liked the buzz I got from drinking. Then I wanted to try something different. And it wasn't until I got to college that I got into more hardcore drugs. I was playing football and I got injured, a career in an injury in 1996 against Texas A &M. I'm 20, man. I was a starting quarterback. You played, you played sports, man. You know how big it is until when your career ends prematurely. You're not ready for this. It's your whole dream. It's your whole world. It was my identity. That's the problem. I wrap my identity up into something external. And I see people all the time in the world. We see people that wrap their identities up into something external, their money, their job, whatever.

1:11:33That's not you, man. What's you is inside you. I didn't get that back then, though. I didn't get that. I didn't get the memo. Right. So I got into hardcore drugs in 96, cocaine, ecstasy pills, graduated college, went off to work and worked in the United States Congress, worked for a guy running for president, worked on Wall Street. And I was a Wall Street. I was training to be a stockbroker in Dallas when I was introduced to meth for the first time. But now we're back to the one decision of substance abuse, man. Once I put the chemicals in at a young age, I like the way it felt and I chased that.

1:12:02You also, if you don't mind saying it, we're going to go a little bit more personal, but I don't know if it was at the time or later, you sort of uncovered that there's probably a not very fair incident that happened to you when you were a young man as well. Maybe you're masking it a little bit. Oh, yeah. No, when I was nine, I was molested by a babysitter, female babysitter. And this is so, but I'm careful when I talk about it, I'm careful not to say that, hey, you know, this is what happened to me. And this is the road I went down because of that. Because some people are really, some people have very traumatic experiences with that.

1:12:34This was a female babysitter that we were doing things. I was nine years old when this happened. No nine-year-old should be doing the stuff I was doing. But it didn't affect me in the sense that it's like, oh my God, my world was turned upside down. I can't believe this happened to me. What happened to me with that is I got introduced to adult behaviors at a very young age It's like someone lets you inside that big door And once you got on the other side of that door at nine Which you're not supposed to be on the side of that door at nine There's all these other doors, but those doors aren't locked those doors are for adults You can just open doors to the doors because you make choices and But I got on the other side of that door at nine years old and now there's drinking they're smoking They're smoking dope.

1:13:09There's you know skipping school cutting classes, you know chasing girls all that stuff I got introduced to that at a very young age. Very well said. I love how you just said that. I don't want to use it as a crutch because I know that some people are very traumatically affected by that. And I'm not trying to minimize the fact that it did affect me. But what it did to me is it introduced me to adult behaviors at a very young age. And when I touched that live wire of substances, I liked it. I have a man here who's become such a dear friend of mine and a trusted advisor. I've only had one other person on the show three times.

1:13:45So you are now breaking a record, brother. You are a ratings machine. So Dean Graciosi, welcome back to the show, my brother. So good to be here. And I have to tell you, you're the best. You're the most gracious host ever. First off, I really believe whatever it takes for you, before I tear, I thought what Munger and Buffett did was so good. I love those two guys. Yeah, they're awesome. But before we get that, like whatever it takes, I'm just going to share. If you take nothing else from this podcast today, take this. whatever it takes if it's listening to ed my let's book or tony robbins or something from yourself or something else if there's something you read if something is feel if you pray if you talk to god if you go to church it's different from everybody but whatever it takes to keep you in a space of i'm going to live into my inner purpose i'm going to tap into my full potential rather than playing small and playing scared you figure out this isn't a show about personal development you can read ed's book and lots of other things but do something to keep you focusing on where you can go and not sit on your hands.

1:14:41I was with Tom Bilyeu two weeks ago and he said during times like this people talk about fight or flight. He goes that's not what happens here. It's the third F. They all freeze. So true. And I was like wow I got goosebumps. I was like that's right. So unfreeze yourself whatever it takes. Secondly. Very good. Yeah. Very good. So the second thing once you start realizing that we're not giving you that answer today I'm saying go find that answer. But the other thing I love what Buffett said. He said during a recession during inflation invest in yourself. Get get better at what you decide to do than anybody else.

1:15:13Because if it's, he said, Reichmarks or seashells, you'll just get more of the pie. So if it's a deflated dollar, when you used to get two, go get six because you're better at what you do. So true. I know it sounds so simple, but it's like, duh. It doesn't. Let me stop staring at the competition. Let me stop talking to my friends about how things go bad. You know, the conversation at your dinner tables are getting different. Be the only one that's saying, no, I'm going to find the gold in this downtime. Can I say something on that? Yeah. I want to play off that with you. I'm big on this quote of separation season where I'll say, hey, it's the summertime.

1:15:42Everyone's flinching. This is where you hit the accelerator. You don't catch people in front of you when they're at full speed. It's harder. You can, but it's harder. You catch them when they flinch, they relax, they freeze. And that's their seasons. And usually it's seasonal, meaning like, OK, August, right? People start to freeze or July. They're gone. They're flinching or Christmas time. Everyone takes time off. Then there are economic cycles that are separation seasons. And I think that's where we are now. They're going to freeze. They're going to panic. They're going to buy into the collective group think of the world, which is this isn't the time to accelerate.

1:16:17This isn't the time to do it. And when they're going that way, you go the other way. The other thing that happens during these times, if you find your lane, you and I have both built tremendous wealth buying assets in those times that were massively on sale. and so you have the accelerator of both your brand, your business doing well and you acquiring things at super discounted prices potentially. So you have this double multiplier whammy. Okay, so let me ask you something. You've had so much incredible success. If we laugh at each other where we came from, similar backgrounds. Very similar. Right.

1:16:48Dad's everything. But at this point, I feel beyond blessed with the success I've had. I know you do too. Yes. And amazing that the interview you just did, I hope it's your number, I hope the interview before me is your number one interview in history, right? Thank you. Thank you. But I have a desire to work even harder right now because I know the opportunities that are coming. It's a mental like like I wish I could give it to everyone. Like I'm like, how do I grind? How do I make another X, X, Y and Z? Because I know that everything is on sale and everything's going to be even more deeply discounted.

1:17:20So whatever it takes to motivate you when everybody's sitting down, freezing, having negative conversations, you should be investigating. Look where the puck is going. Say, how do I accumulate more cash so I can buy things at a discount? Because when it shifts, that multiplier is unlike anything you could imagine. You go from doing okay to when people say, how you doing? You get that smile like, I'm doing okay. What's that look like for you right now? Like, are you, do you read certain things? Do you journal? Are you visualizing? Are you looking for problems to solve? Like, what's that look like for you?

1:17:51All, all the above. I've been, I've been geeking out on books, different books than I ever had before. Because listen, we all like to learn. Yeah, right. And we all grow. I'm keeping my mindset super strong. But I think the opportunities are going to come so strong and we have to be mentally prepared. I think in times like these, you do need to invest in yourself and grow yourself. If you'd have told me back in 1987 or whenever the heck it was that I got my personal power tapes and I read Unlimited Power by Awaken the Giant with Wynn and Tony's books, if you'd have told me someone like Dean Graziosi or Tony Robbins would give me their time for free where I can learn from them, I'd have thought you were absolutely out of your damn mind.

1:18:30And so a couple of things that I think you have to do during this window is you got to invest in yourself. And if you can surround and change your peer group instantly with the best in the world, you should do it. You and I were talking off camera. You and I are working on right now, me and you to spend a full day together to strategize about our lives and our businesses. There's a bunch of things that I want to learn from you that you and I have talked about. And so if someone can actually get that time with you for free and with Tony Robbins, that is a monster win. And the other thing I'll say is this great people want to accept challenges.

1:19:05Great people want to be challenged even in their most difficult times. In fact, at this stage of my life, one of the frustrating things for me, Dean, is that, you know, it is a smaller circle. There's very few people who challenge me. So I love when I work out with a training partner and they challenge me. Yeah. Three more, three more. I'm like, all right, you did three more. I'm doing one more. The power of one more, right? To be challenged. Today's special for me because I get to, I get to share with you. I just think one of the most remarkable people walking the earth. She's an amazing woman.

1:19:32I just know I like her very much. And so any chance I get a chance to, any opportunity to spend time with her is a blessing for me. And I know it'll be a blessing for all of you. You all know who she is. There's a lot of things I can say. She's a journalist. She's an author, Emmy Award winner. She was the First Lady of California. She's a philanthropist. But she's just a remarkable and good human being. And you're going to feel her spirit today. So I'm really grateful she's here. Maria Shriver, welcome to the show. Thank you, Ed. I'm kind of blushing. It's all true. And there's like 80 other things I can say.

1:20:06You mentioned self-confidence twice pretty early on. And it's interesting. I would think that when people look at you, you come from a successful family. You're my dear friend. So I'm allowed to say this, you're a beautiful, articulate, successful person. I would think self-confidence was really something you had. Is that something you've struggled with or had to work on yourself in your life? Yeah, I think anybody I try to say to my kids, self-confidence, you have to earn self-confidence. You have to earn self-esteem. Nobody just bestows it on you and says, here it is, you know, take it and go.

1:20:40I think particularly if you are in a family where people are excelling at the level they were excelling in my family, it's pretty big, you know, excelling. So I was pretty much everybody in my house and in my cousin's era, they were everybody was running for president. So, you know, that's how people were excelling. So I think you you have to and I would adjust that to maybe everybody in your family is a doctor or preacher or, you know, a pastor, whatever it is, a real estate person. And everybody, I think, has to find their own self-confidence and earn it. And I was an only girl, four brothers, and I was raised in a very testosterone dominated arena.

1:21:33I knew that if I wanted to get my parents attention, if I wanted to single myself out in this larger clan that I was in, I was going to have to find my own thing. I was going to have to work my ass off and I was going to have to develop my own self-confidence in who I was separate from being somebody's niece or daughter or cousin. And that was a really driving force in my life and has been, you know, for pretty much all my life, you know, that I would be my own person, my own name, my own journey. And that took a lot for me to craft that out. But with it came self-confidence. Yeah. Thank God you did that because I don't, I don't know that if you don't, I think you can't give somebody something that you're not experiencing.

1:22:30It's pretty difficult to give you, give the gift of that. And thank God you developed that because you ended up creating a family that was very similar in the sense of achievement and public achievement and those things. And I've met your children. One of them, Patrick, I know far better than all the other ones, but they all seem to have that same sense of contribution, making their own way. they've sort of modeled your Maria has this very beautiful nuance of very strong but a kindness that comes with it simultaneously and I think that's reflected in your children too but they've all made their own way and are making their own way even though they come from a family that's achieving true you probably had to instill that in them well I I tried to talk to them about that I I tried to acknowledge that that was going to be challenging for them, that they had a very famous last name.

1:23:21They came from they had famous parents. They came from kind of a long lineage and people would assume certain things about them and that I understood that, that I had come from the same place. That might be something their dad hadn't understood, because I think it's very different when you're the one making the legacy. Yeah. This is the one inheriting it and having to uphold it and then trying to carve out your own version. And so I grew up in a legacy. I grew up with a family that said, here, look what we've done. Match it. Deal with it. Honor it. Take care of it. Uphold it. What are you going to do with it?

1:24:02And then I think Arnold built his own legacy. Right. And so our kids have had to deal with like, OK, here it is. do you want to honor it? Do you want to uphold it? Do you want to have anything to do with it? Do you want to be free from it? And so I've tried to have that conversation with them. You don't have to have anything to do with this if you don't want to. You can go off and do whatever you want to do. I think we were both very united in saying to them, you don't have to do what we're doing. You don't have to do what your grandmother, your grandfather did, but you have to do something. Yeah.

1:24:39You have to find some way to give back to the world. You have to work. You have to develop a work ethic. You have to craft your own life, design your own life. But you don't have to carry what your dad's done, what your mom has done, what your grandmother, your grandfather have done. If you don't want to, if you do, great. I think I mean, I really think this is so important because the people that listen to the show, by and large, are people that are breaking. They're becoming the one in their family for the most part. I call it the one where you do sort of change your family tree forever. Right.

1:25:16You're an achiever. And so most of you, you know, maybe you're not going to be the president or the governor, but you're the breakaway person in your family. And then if you're going to be raising children in that environment, this lesson's huge that these conversations have to happen. And I noticed even with my son, Max, when he was younger, I started to sense this pressure that I wasn't putting on him, but our conditions put on him that he had to live up to what dad did. Or if I have an average life, it's going to be miserable because of what I came from. And I remember having these conversations with him very similar to what you've had.

1:25:46So you parents that are listening to this, that are the achiever in your family. This is a really, really big deal. And if some of you don't know, I mean, you know, Marie was first lady of California when Arnold was the governor. And then she's also a Kennedy and a Shriver. And so there's a lot going on in that family. And, you know, when you have uncles that are the president of the United States, there's kind of a, it's kind of a big version of what we're describing in our lives. But I just wanted to ask you that. And on that, it's like, I'm going to go to your books because I, I just recommend everybody's, you should read these books, many of them.

1:26:21And by the way, you should read her Sunday paper every Sunday that comes out. It's awesome. It's your personal development person, there's so much richness in this experience. And Maria approaches it. She said testosterone earlier. She even reminds me sometimes dial that down a little bit. You know, there's a, there's a, there's not a lot of, I think often in self-help personal development. I don't know what I would call it. I don't even really believe in these things, but sort of a feminine energy to the same topics that brings a nuance and a, and a perspective. Don't you agree? that's different from someone else.

1:26:55And you bring that. Well, thank you. And I think I just wanted to pick up on your thing about you're speaking to, quote, the one people who are the one in the family who are breaking away the achievers. I think there's so many ways that we don't talk about to, quote, break away or break a cycle. And it doesn't always have to be in being the, quote, successful one. There are so many different ways to break a cycle of silence that might exist in a family, a cycle of shame that might exist in a family, a cycle of, you know, shame, anger, all of these things that exist in families. There's a way to break those cycles as well and be the one in that respect.

1:27:47So the one isn't necessarily the one making all the money. It's the one who is following their path, I think, who has the courage and the bravery to chart their own course. And I think that's really, you know, when we talk about feminine strength, I think for I grew up in a time my mother was certainly an incredibly strong woman, started Special Olympics, was tough, but she dressed like a man. She only had male friends. She went to work with a briefcase like a guy. She was fighting all the time to be at that table. She smoked cigars. She only just kind of, you know, she was a force. Right. And I came into journalism when there were no women in it.

1:28:33Right. And women were coming in and you had to wear a power suit and you had to work twice as hard. And if you had a baby, you had to come back in a week and you had to do a lot of things that perhaps this generation doesn't have to do. So I think what is the model of feminine, all-encompassing feminine strength? And I try to speak a lot to the ideal of holding these qualities of tenderness and toughness, strength and sexiness, feminine beauty and vulnerability, but also being aware that anger is in there, strength is in there, intelligence is in there, as is, you know, these other kind of more traditionally feminine qualities.

1:29:19And I think that's the conversation when we think about feminine power that I'd like to be having this generation and others to have. So it's kind of being able to take care of yourself, but also need someone else and lean on someone else and be able to celebrate your femininity and your sexuality, but also hold your ground and have boundaries. And these are things you learn through life, but that was not part of the conversation when I was in my twenties or thirties. By the way, I don't think, first off, everybody listens to this. You need to go rewind that part back and send that to your favorite woman, not listening to the show right now.

1:29:59I, by the way, I want to just say, I don't think it's being said right now very much, which you just said, which is why you're so, so important. I, I think people know you. I know the multiple sides of you. Like I think a lot of people are getting exposed to this side of you, maybe on my show for the first time, this, this, this person who really reflects on life really cares about human beings. And I think there's, I don't know. I think one thing we share in commas like we, we, we take our life seriously. I don't take myself. Maybe sometimes I take myself too seriously, but I do take this gift of being here pretty darn seriously.

1:30:33Like I want to, I always call it maxing out, but I want to contribute as much as I can. I want to grow as much as I can. I want to, I want to pause as much as I can at this stage of my life too. That's become much more important. But one thing I did do because my dad was good at this, my father could care less about material things, achievement. It was not even really discussed. Who are you going to be? Not what are you going to be? And I, that's something that my dad said over and over. So I'm researching more about my friend here. And I read this quote. You said, I've learned that asking ourselves, not just what we want to be.

1:31:08I'm like, this is my father said this to me, but who do we want to be is important at every stage also of our lives. And she has this book called just who will you be? Right. But would you talk about that? And this changes Maria, wouldn't you agree at different stages of our lives, but not enough people ask the question. I think absolutely. I think, you know, it's a good time to ask it coming out of this pandemic. We're all very different people than we were before this pandemic. How are we coming out? How are we taking the gift of coming out and going out into the world? What have we learned?

1:31:43How have we changed? What did we notice during that time, right? Who checked in on us? Who did we check in on? Who turned out to be important? What turned out to be important? So I think it's, you know, I used to always say that I noticed growing up in a political family, it was the only profession that penalized you if you changed your mind and still does, by the way. It doesn't allow for you to have been affected by life, to change your mind. You're always, oh, you're a flip flopper. You're a changer. And I don't want to, you know, to me, what's really troublesome, somebody at 50 who's exactly the same as they were at 30.

1:32:24Me too. No, that's a problem because that means that for 20 years, nothing made you think, nothing made you reevaluate, nothing impacted you. How could that be? How could that be? Right. And so like in the last book I wrote, I've been thinking, I write a lot about all the things that I was wrong about, that I've changed my ideas about because life has happened to me. Right. Right. My parents are both dead. I got separated after being with one person for 34 years. My kids are grown up. They've left their house. I've achieved certain things in my journalism career that, you know, propelled me. So I've got to be different at this age than I was in my 20s.

1:33:08That was one of my questions, Maria. What is one thing you used to really believe about life that you no longer believe? Just one thing. Oh, my God. I mean, I used to think that, you know, weakness was kindness. I used to think that, you know, being gentle was a sign of weakness. I used to believe, oh, my God, I have so many things I used to believe. I used to believe you had to earn your way into your parents' heart. I really believed that if I did well in my professional career, that my parents would love me. And if I didn't do well, they wouldn't. I was wrong about so many things. I believed that divorce was a huge sin.

1:33:52I believed that I grew up as a Catholic. You know, I believed that, you know, priests were infallible. I believed that women should be secondary citizens in the church. So today I'm angry at my church. I believed that the Democratic Party was the only way. I resigned from the Democratic Party. I believed, you know, I never believed I'd be sitting here single at my age. I would have thought that that was like, what's up with that girl that she's single at that age? You know, does she not have anybody who loves her? What's wrong with her? so there's a lot of stuff that I thought if I were that 30 something year old 35 40 year old girl looking at me that I would have made a judgment about this is the Ed Mylon show