How To 10X Your Life w/ Dr. Benjamin Hardy

24:04Because when you make mistakes, stay with me on this. Yeah. Or fail, whatever. Failure is a lesson for me. But what happens, like go back to the putting analogy. One of the things I teach my golfers is they miss a putt. And one of the things they go, I suck. I miss the putt. I always miss those. One of the frames I say, it sounds crazy, but I'll say, well, if you missed the putt, I want you to say this to yourself. Wow, that's not like me. That's not like me. In other words, this mistake was contrary to your identity. And so in life, a lot of times when I've misspoken to somebody or done something, I'm like, that's not like me.

24:38So I separate myself from the error, and I only give myself the benefit of the lesson. And so that allows the identity to grow and the frame to be what I want it to be. So I just want to give everybody this lesson. And by the way, I'm enjoying this a lot more than even I knew I would as you and I are going back and forth as we kind of riffed on this stuff. One thing I want to say just real quick is your identity is the ultimate frame. Your identity is the story you have for yourself. It's how you frame your past, your present, and your future. Like I know you're very big on identity work, and identity is purely a frame.

25:08It's just a perspective. How do you change that story you tell about yourself? So one of them is just what we were talking about with the past, that you are recognizing that you're different already from your past self. So like what a lot of psychologists, not a lot, but one of my favorite, his name is Daniel Gilbert. He says that who you are in the present moment is as fleeting as the present moment. And so like I already know that who I am now, by the end of this conversation, I'm going to be a lot more informed. And so like as much as I like who I am right now, I also don't overly define myself by who I am right now.

25:42I'm also not overly definitive about my past, even though I have empathy for my past, but I'm recognizing I'm not the same. So, I mean, I can distinguish how I'm different from who I was at the beginning of this conversation. If we actually sat, I could tell you how I'm different from who I was 20 minutes ago. But also, this connects with future self, which is deciding who your future self is and letting that be the frame for the decisions you make right now. So, that's what Albert Einstein said. Imagination is more important than knowledge. And so you have to actually define your future self, define your identity, define who you are, and then let that be the frame for how you operate.

26:15So do you believe in reverse engineering? That's what it is. It's in the book. That's why I ask. But I want to ask you about that. Once you've made that definition, many people may not even know what that term means. So what does one do when they reverse engineer something? They take a specific result or event, and then they basically go backwards and say, how did I get here? Or how do I get there? Yeah, yeah. But I actually think it's more powerful rather than saying, how do I get there? It's taking the future and pulling it to the present. As if it's happened. Yeah, but you also say if that is the case, if that event is true, what must have happened to get there?

26:54Got it. If the goal is really high, then what are the few things that would actually make it possible? You have to actually get it there. It's interesting to me. Let's stay on this for a second. I find that most people, A, don't set what they think are impossible goals. But I think a lot of people don't even set any specific ones at all. I ask people, like, what do you want? I don't want to be rich. What exactly is rich? Like, rich to me now. Means nothing. Right. Rich to me when I was 21 years old was, man, if I could have a million dollars. Yep. And I'm not trying to be rude, but I spend that a month.

27:24Actually, more than that a month. Yeah. On my life. So rich to me now is a completely different concept, but I actually know what that impossible goal is for me. And then like, maybe I take this for granted, but everything I do is reverse engineering something. Because once I have that big thing and I reverse engineered, I'm like, well, this is happening. Yep. I actually know the steps. Now I just have to do them. Yeah. And that gives me a level of confidence when I reverse engineer, I do this, this, this, So like Napoleon Hill says, begin with the end in mind and then work your way to the steps backwards.

27:59So this seems like a natural process to me, but it actually isn't for most people because I think some of these concepts haven't been taught in so long. They're almost like foregone wisdom that's lost in the social media sphere of like just post some stuff and build a brand, right? Nah, there's a lot more than that to it. So you reverse engineer about everything like I do? Yeah. I mean, that's, you want, but there are useful ways to do it. Obviously, if the goal is not very high, like we've been saying, it's a lot harder to reverse engineer because there's too many options. So you really do want to have really big goals.

28:34Really big, seemingly impossible goals are actually a lot easier to reverse engineer because very few things will get you there. And so like - Oh yeah, you've taken away all the variables. Yeah. Like most of the things you're doing right now, back to that 80, 20, 80 % of what you're doing right now won't help you get to your impossible goal. And so big, big goals force you into the few things with the big upside. That's back to how we waste our time is we're doing the wrong things. And if you want to learn, you stop doing the wrong things. Only do the few right things with big upside towards what you want and get really, really good at those.

29:02And so you do want to have impossible goals. And I've gotten to the point where I've got impossible goals, but also what's my impossible goal before the end of this year? Do you care if I share with you a quick story? Yeah, please. So this is one that just happened, and so hopefully this is useful to your reader or to your listeners. So I have a friend named Greg. I've just met him for the first time two weeks ago in Columbus, Ohio. He's 56 years old. He's read all my books. I know his wife very well. His wife's like a famous interior designer, but I've never met Greg. But Greg's someone who's liked my work.

29:32So 56 years old, five years ago, he created a company. And him and his family have worked a lot with elderly people with dementia. Okay. His wife interior designs spaces for those types of people. And he's worked with his wife for a long time. So five years ago in 2018, Greg started his own company and he was interested in essentially building communities. Like a big building, 100 beds, and then building a team to support these people with dementia. So five years ago, he started this company. In 2019, his first project was complete. Like 100 beds, right? And then the pandemic hits. And so he's really into developing properties.

30:10now the costs have doubled. Sure. And so he's frustrated. So fast forward a few years, fast forward to now. So it's 2023, he's still got the one property and he's just sitting there and he's just like, he's coming up with his 10-year plan. And his 10-year plan is, well, I'm 55, 56. So let's just go tell him 65. I got basically 10 years. And he said his 10-year goal is to have three properties. And these are bigger properties. These are like$20 million properties that he wants to bundle and sell. Okay. So his goal in 10 years is to have three properties. He's already got one. He reads 10X and he realizes, what the freak am I doing?

30:45I'm 56 years old. And so he said, rather than having three properties by the time I'm 65, by the time I'm 60, so in three and a half years, I'm going to have 10. There you go. And so all of a sudden it changed everything. One thing he realized is, and this was just three months ago, insane things have happened. And so I want people to understand this concept because basically, first off, he realized in order to get to 10 in three years, he can't do it the way he was going. He was fixated that he had to develop the properties. Now he can acquire them. He has to acquire them. That's the only way.

31:19But then there are certain types of buildings that he has to be open to. And so anyways, him and his wife were talking. He again, back to framing, he had a lot of beliefs that he couldn't acquire any properties because none of them were built the way he wants them to. And his wife totally dispelled that. She's like, that's totally wrong. There's a lot of great properties even here that probably have them. And he's like, instantly he's like, you're right. This is ridiculous. And so he calls his friend right there when they're talking about it, when he says, okay, I'm going to get to 10 by acquisition.

31:44He made that decision. He calls his friend, his friend's into real estate. And his friend literally said, there are two properties available in Columbus right now. He lives in Columbus. He's like, I would have bought them, but I don't have the funding. I just bought two other properties. And so Greg calls the dude. They start going for it. two other properties become available instead that are even better. Main simple point, 45 days later, he had two properties. That's nuts. And he got the deal of his life. He got a better deal than he could have ever dreamed of. So he achieves that. And then I just want to kind of finish with this point.

32:14So I meet him two months ago. This all happened. Sorry, I met him two weeks ago. That all happened three months ago. He went from 100 to 300 employees. They're doing amazing. They now have three properties. He achieved his 10-year goal in two months. Just by simply changing the frame and the pathway and then immediately taking action. But I then asked him this question, which is where I want people to think about it with this impossible goal thing, because it's really true, is I met him two weeks ago. He told me this story. He's like, Ben, you won't believe it. I got these two properties. I was going to do it at age 65.

32:42He's like, now I'm going to go for 10. I said, well, Greg, what's your impossible goal before the end of 2023? Yeah. And he actually sat with it. That's why this dude is cool, is he sat with it, and this was two weeks ago. He wrote down his impossible goals, and he decided I'm going to get three more properties before the end of this year. I love it. And he told his wife, and that same day, his partner called and said there are three buildings available, but a little bit, you know, like he had to be open to a little bit different pathways. Some of them were just a little bit like out of Columbus, but anyways, he said it was an amazing deal.

33:10And he's, he's literally in process of getting those three and another one came. So he's actually going to end up having seven properties. And these are big ones. And he's going to end up having seven before the end of this year. And his goal a couple of months ago is to have three in 10 years. So here's why this happens, everybody. Number one, that's why my book, The Power of One More, I'm not promoting my book. I'm just telling you. You should promote that book, dude. Thank you, Billy. But you are really one decision away, one new thought away. And these thoughts that you are not having, they're blinders.

33:37They're blinders. And the other thing that happens, not to be all foofy with you, but when you go for impossible goals over smaller goals, it requires a vibrational frequency that's much higher and much faster. And therefore, you begin to attract these phone calls, these deals that weren't coming your way before because you had created a frame around you that blocked them. with your limited thinking and your limited vibrational frequency. You wouldn't have ever been aware of them going by. Your awareness just goes away. Your reticular activating system can't even conceive of these things. So once you have these impossible goals, once you start vibrating that frequency, your reticular activating system automatically goes to work on hearing, seeing, and feeling, and acquiring the people, places, resources, the things that can make that stuff possible when you reverse engineer.

34:23That's why this work matters, you guys. It's huge that you understand this. It's why I want you to be listening to the interview today.

34:35I got a couple things. What is self-determination theory? What does that mean? Self-determination theory is a motivation theory in psychology. It basically defines people's motivation by three factors. One is a sense of competency or capability. So, like, you won't be motivated if you feel like you have no capability in something. And so part of it's framing. Like if you get better at framing things, you'll actually see you have capability. So one is capability. The other one is autonomy, that you have to believe you have choice. And so if I tell my son he has no choice and this is the only thing he can do, he's probably not going to be that motivated.

35:14And that's one thing that leaders do is that they overly define people's roles, actions. This is one of the things that I loved about writing Who Not How was rather than telling the person how to do it, you find the right who and then you freely let them go and own it you know like don't tell them how to do their job let them own it get someone you trust so autonomy and then the third one is just relationships okay and so the main the main thing with self-determination theory that really hits me is that autonomy piece just that you have to believe you have agency and autonomy that you can like i it's my choice what i do with my future and it's also my choice how i go and do it and figure i certainly will reverse engineer it i'll learn from people but if i don't believe I have that autonomy or that choice, my motivation will plummet.

35:54What about you believing that you have a calling? Yeah. How does that impact you? Like this work that we're doing right now never has felt like work to me. And other things I've done have felt like work. Sure. But this doesn't feel like work to me. And I believe that part of my love of it, my desire to do more of it, my grind, whatever we calls the grind, doesn't really feel that grindy to me. It's not. Because it's a calling in my heart. And you write about this, but I think everyone should just hear this. And by the way, you can create a frame that causes you to believe it's a calling. 100%.

36:33And the more that you create momentum towards that, the more you actually reinforce that belief and it becomes real. So how important is it to believe you have a calling? It's huge. I mean, there's a lot of research that backs it up. If you believe your work to be a calling, you're going to approach it with so much more genuineness, excitedness. You'll be willing to learn. You'll expect incredible things to happen. It won't feel like work. And so a big aspect of it, though, is self-honesty. Like if you won't believe you have a calling if you're following the pack, you know, if you're doing what society tells you to do.

37:06And so you have to really strip away a lot of the noise, a lot of the expectations of other people, a lot of the worry about what other people think because your calling is inherently intrinsic. And I actually believe that it genuinely fits with what is most exciting to you, like what you want. You don't feel like you have to do it. It's what you absolutely want to be doing if you were really, really honest with yourself and didn't overly worry about what other people thought or how it would be received or if it worked. And so this actually fits a lot with impossible as well is because if you're willing to be honest about what you really want, and even if it doesn't seem possible, that can start to inform a calling.

37:46I mean, it can be very meaningful and purposeful, and it fits a lot with Frankel, Victor Frankel's work about having that why to live for. You've got to have something so big that it changes you, that it requires you to do stuff that is impossible. And that's really what leadership is as well, is when you start operating towards that, you get other people to believe the impossible is possible as well. But yeah, you really want it to be a calling. You want the why to be powerful. You know the why part? Can we stay on that for a while? Yeah, whatever you want. Well, I think there's this other type of work in the space, like be vulnerable, be your authentic self.

38:18Sure. And a lot of the hardcore business people go, oh gosh, okay, authentic this. But your real why can sometimes be embarrassing. And if you're not honest about the why, like I have a really good friend. I won't say who she is, but I love her because she is so honest and she's a public person and she works very, very hard at what she does. And I think it's become a calling. And I asked her, I said, why do you do all this? And here's what she said to me. I loved this. She goes, I want to be famous. I want to be freaking famous. I want everybody to know me. I like walking into places and people go, there she is.

38:53and 99 out of 100 people would never admit or acknowledge that because it doesn't seem as sanitized or as perfect as it should be she didn't say i want to feed the homeless totally or this or that and what most people have is a bullshit why it's not honest it's not honest it's not their real why it's the why that sounds good you won't have the same calling power with a fake why. You got it. Right? You got it. And so I have another friend of mine who she really, really, really wants to be famous, like at the detriment of almost everything else. But she's always like, I just want to serve. I just want to make a difference.

39:32And I'm like, yeah, you want to do a little of that. But what you really want is what my other friend admits to wanting. And I'll bet on the horse that's admitting the truth about their calling and their why, because it's so real and they're so in touch with it and they're not concerned about being judged. Like some of you, like they're entrepreneurs, like, why'd you build your company? Sometimes it's okay. It's okay to just say, I want to get effing rich. If that's the why and it's true for you, that's okay. I think eventually that will flame out, wear itself out and you'll find a bigger or different why.

40:07You will. But there's nothing wrong initially by starting a business to say, I want to change my financial station in life. It won't be long term until it becomes something that you believe serves people or makes a difference. But if that's your initial impetus to start a business, great. That's okay. The why can evolve and mature. But if you're not clear about what the real reason is, you don't get that thing that you need to have. Yeah, you don't get the fire. And it can be a calling, and a calling doesn't have to be for your whole life. It can be to get rich. It can be for a time, and then your future self is going to have a different calling.

40:41And so I already know that I'm different and my motivations are different from three years ago, four years ago. But I also know my future self will have different motivations. But yeah, there's a quote that I love. It's an Alcoholics Anonymous quote. All progress starts by telling the truth. And so if you're not telling the truth about what you really want, then you're actually catering to other people and you're still not being honest with yourself, which means it's not a calling. So that means you're letting the outside hit you. one of the other components of this. So you got to be honest about what you want.

41:12Intrinsic motivation. Admit what you want. Actually own it. Own the why. Your future self will have a different why. That's okay. We'll get there. But also this fits with mastery as well. So I suit calling with mastery. And mastery is different from expertise. There's a lot of experts out there. And you can be an expert, but not a master. If you're a master, what it means is that you're uniquely good at what you do. Like it means that you're not replicable. I can learn from you, but you are doing it your way and you're being very true to yourself in the why and the how. And so you can't become a master if you're not honest with yourself, not only in the goal that you pursue, but also in the process of how you pursue it.

41:52And a lot of people, they'll just pursue goals. So you got to choose the goal that you most want, and then you'll pursue it in the way that makes most sense to you. And it's going to be very different from how other people would pursue it. Okay. I know this doesn't sound like me when I say this to everybody. First, I want to acknowledge that you're right. And if you continue to come up with whys that you think everybody else will think is really profound or Gandhi-like. No fire. By the way, if your actual goal is to feed the homeless right now, and that's why you're doing it, to find a cure for cancer, wonderful, beautiful, awesome.

42:24But if your goal is, I want to make a lot of money so I can meet a beautiful girl or find my dream man, or I really want to have an awesome car. So people point at me. I know you may think that sounds shallow, but if that's actually where you're vibrating right now, if that's actually your reason, if you actually tune into that, you will be more powerful than if it's a fake one that is for the masses. Because over time, as Benjamin just said, is like you will evolve into different goals. The other thing, too, is if you wonder whether you're going to evolve into a future self, you have to do nothing but just look at yourself 10 years ago.

42:56There's already evidence that this is going to happen anyway. So you are going to evolve. You are going to change. You aren't. Think about you 10 years ago, wherever you were. Think about what you cared about. What you cared about. What your goals were back then. What you were worried about. What was the biggest problem in your life then? And all of this looking back would give you such perspective. It's like that thing you were worried about, it ain't anything right now. And what you wanted then probably isn't what you want now. But what if you could have gone back then and actually gone 10x, actually gone for the impossible, actually were honest and true about why you wanted it, actually reverse engineered it, actually created frames that served you, actually took lessons away?

43:40Imagine if that became your habit. And he's sitting there shaking us going, yeah, man. So this is why we already know this stuff works. And if you do this stuff, your life will change. And you've already grown and changed. So don't assess or judge yourself for where you are because you're not going to be that person in seven minutes anyways. Especially after this conversation, I guarantee you're not the same. What about, this is something in the book I got, but I want you to help me understand. Buyers versus sellers. This is legit. Okay. So talk about that. Dude, this one's big. It fits a lot with being honest with yourself, being true to yourself.

44:15So this is a frame that Dan created, which I love. And so basically he said you're either in any situation being the buyer or the seller. So if you're a buyer, you know what you want and you're willing to walk away if you don't get it. This is the key. And this fits with negotiation. Think about it. Who's the person with power in a negotiation? The one who can walk away. If you can't walk away, then you're the seller. And you're always going to be selling yourself and lowering the price, selling yourself, selling yourself short. And so you always want to just be in that buyer role where you're clear on your standard.

44:45And by the way, standard is one of the most clear ways of clarifying your identity. Your minimum standard is your floor, and that is your core identity. But if you raise your standard, say you're a speaker who charges X amount of money, right? And you 5X the standard. You might start getting a lot of no's, but you're the buyer if you walk away from an opportunity that's not at your new standard. You're the buyer, and I'm telling you, I've applied this in many ways. I mean, even, you know, just being fully honest, like I'm no longer writing books with Dan because I needed to be the buyer. And I could have sold myself short and continued in a situation that was no longer 10X.

45:23It was no longer for my future. But being the buyer, you know, I walked away and he walked away too because it didn't fit him either. But even just two days ago, I was basically offered an opportunity for a speaking gig. And I said, this is the price. And he said, he came back and he said, no, 20 grand less. and I and you know he basically just said like he just expected me to say yes and I said no dude it's this or nothing I'm out like I don't care like I don't even care if I got to figure it out in some other way I'm not doing it and then he's like oh we'll figure it out but even if he didn't I'm happy to walk away and so I just think the main the main point here is is that we're always buying something someone who's listening to this podcast is buying this podcast they're saying yes to this, right?

46:08Every time you're in a situation, you eat something, you're the buyer. And so the question is, what are you buying? Are you buying good stuff or bad stuff? Is it by your choice? And also if you're the seller in any situation, you're desperate to be there. You don't really know what you really want and you'll essentially do anything to have it. And you've got no minimum standard. I think most people in sales come across as sellers too often. If you're a seller, then you're not in the power position. You're not. And this is so important for everybody to hear. In business, if you come across as the seller, which means you're going to stay at the table until anything happens to you, you have no impact, no influence.

46:49You will get worked. And by the way, you will not like yourself long-term. You will burn out on what you do. You've got to learn to become the buyer in this dynamic, in this distinction. Because I watch it happen all the time. They walk in a room as the seller And oftentimes in people's lives, this is important, there's very few occasions where they feel like the buyer. And so when you put yourself - They don't do what they want. They're going to do what they want. And all of a sudden, you ever watch this like the way someone who doesn't have a lot of power in their life will treat who they think is powerless, like how they'll treat a server in a restaurant or a flight attendant on an airplane?

47:28Because their perception is this person's the seller. They can't leave. They work here. I can do whatever I want to this person. They still got to bring me my damn food. They still got to bring me my darn drink. And so if you ever wonder in your life whether most people will take advantage of the fact that you position or frame yourself as the seller in business, they will do it every given time because they're rarely the buyer in their life. And they're looking for situations to be the buyer. So you have to show up to your sales calls, to your meetings, to your own company and your own life as the buyer metaphorically in one of these two positions that Dr.

48:02Hardy's referencing. It's huge what he is describing to you. And I learned that pretty young. I'd watch other people get worked over, manipulated, used, and not even get the deal anyway. Not even get the deal anyway. And then feel worse about themselves. Feed that frame and identity of themselves. And I just went, you know what? In this life, I'm not getting out of it alive. I'm going to play a character. And in that character, in your metaphor, I'm the freaking buyer. Dude. Period. By the way, you can have two buyers at a table. Oh, those are the best relationships. Those are the best. Because both people know why they're there.

48:38It meets both standards and it helps both achieve both goals. I'm glad you said relationships. That's what it's about. Because if you're in an actual intimate relationship with someone that you know as a seller, like they're just never going to leave, you can do whatever you want to them, or you position yourself as this person, they will intuitively treat you as the seller. You got to be the buyer and they got to be the buyer. And we both know there's a level and a standard of behavior and treatment in this relationship, our intimate relationship, that will cause me to stay at the table. And there are some things, as much as I love you, where I will walk from the table.

49:14And too many of us in our lives show up in our intimate relationships. We're the seller every single damn time. They know immediately, I can do whatever I want. They'll also walk all over you. That's right. That's what they'll do. If someone's a seller. One thing that this hits really hard, and this is a high-level principle the more you understand it. So as an example, if you're selling a product, if you're the buyer, that means that you're screening them. They're not screening you, right? It's like you're actually interviewing them to see if they're a fit for what you offer rather than you desperately trying to get them to buy what you offer.

49:47It fundamentally changes the psychology. It's the frame. Yeah, it's the frame. If you're the buyer, they're lucky if you choose them. If you're the seller, you're lucky if they choose you. But also, once you really own this and you have a high standard and you're willing to walk away, then you don't put yourself in as bad of situations. As an example, since I'm no longer writing books with Dan, I've entertained various options of people to write books with because I enjoy collaboration. And some of the people, they're used to being the buyer because I talk to people who are buyers. and they're used to getting exactly what they want, which is fine, but I'm also going to be a buyer and I'm happy to walk away from situations where I don't get what I want.

50:31Obviously you're right. The best relationships are both parties are there because they want to be and it's 10X for both people. Correct. It's 10X for both people, but you have to be comfortable slowing things down. Have you ever read Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss? No, is it good? Oh, it's worth it, dude. If it's perfect, it would always be the buyer. But Never Split the Difference, One of the things he just talks about is it's all psychology. It's all emotional intelligence, and you want to slow things down. If you're the seller, you're going to quick hit dopamine. You're desperate.

50:58You'll do anything you can to keep positioning yourself lower and lower and lower because you feel like you need it. That's a big key, by the way, is that you think you need it versus you want it. If you think you need something, you will be the seller. You will be the seller if you think you need it, and you're toast if they think you need it in anything you do. Once people think that you need them, you're in big trouble. Relationships, again, I know you're all going, that sounds actually harsh. I want to love you. I want to be with you. And you want them to be here because they want to be, not because they think they have to be.

51:32Right, because they have to be or they need to be. And this is a, I think most people go through their lives unaware of framing, unaware of that, and unaware of the profound nature of what you're describing right now. When you walk in a room, when you're in a relationship, listen, one of the cool things about being a parent is that you're automatically the buyer, right? Your kid, the kid knows you're the buyer. But it's one of the few relationships in your life where you posture yourself that way. And too many people go through their entire lives unaware of the fact that they're expressing either consciously, subconsciously, or unconsciously that they're a seller.

52:08That they're going to stay no matter what. That they'll do anything to get the deal. That they'll reduce their value and their worth to any extent just to stay at the table. and it's something in life that, I mean, I got to be really candid with you. It's one of the things I assess within about 30 seconds of meeting every single person I ever meet. I just do. And you can call that self-confidence. You can call that presence. You can call that faith. You can call it whatever the heck you want. But it is something that I sense immediately when I meet somebody. I used to have this thing where I'd go, hey, he's a player, man.

52:37She's a player. It means they're legit. In that case, what it really means is they're a buyer. This person is for real. and in your life people need to think you're for real. By the way, this is really good today. And just so you know everybody, that's a frame that I just created. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. And I noticed you were very active about framing. Even when we first started the conversation, you said this is going to be awesome. Guys, take notes, get ready. Like you're prepping and framing and helping people to expect something good. It's something I do unconsciously now. But I'm really doing it for me.

53:10It seems like I do it for other people, which I'm sure I do to some extent. But I love framing things for me. Like if you go to a baseball game with me, we do anything. I'm the guy on the way over. Can you believe we get to do this? Isn't this going to be awesome? And it sets the frame. Sets the context. Of context of what we're going to do. It drives my kids nuts because they know I'm doing it. Can you believe we're going to dinner here? They're like, yeah, dad, there's 40 other people at this place. Yeah, but we're here. You know, like I'm always framing things. Okay, a couple more things. This flew by.

53:35That means it was awesome. What about this idea? You talk in the book about like scheduling, deep flow, kind of those two put together, right? Like that whole thing. And again, it's like right in the zone of truth of people that do big stuff. Yeah. So 10X again, this is like, got to say it over and over. 10X is about quality, not quantity. And so when it comes to deep work, your schedule should reflect quality, not quantity. So what that means is that if you're doing a thousand things, who knows how deep that work is, right? If you look at your book, that was one thing you did, and think about the impact.

54:16Even probably this podcast, right? And so your schedule really reflects if you're in the 80 % or if you're in the 20%. And if you're in the 80%, then your schedule, unless having meetings is deep in your 20%. but to do really deep really like innovative work you do need space and so usually a 10x goal is going to invite you to have bigger blocks of time for focus because you're solving much bigger problems like you'll want at least two or three of your days a week where there's nothing on the schedule so you can actually solve really deep work and then and then you'll want deep recovery, deep flow.

54:56So flow is not about just cranking into a flow state, although that's nice, it's group flow, but it's about, is your life designed for deep or shallow? Is it designed for creating 10X changes and innovations? I mean, as an example, writing this book, and by the way, projects can be a way to 10X. So like as an example, if you think about like Lin-Manuel Miranda, he wrote Hamilton. Think about how much deep work went into making that, right he he gave himself big chunks of time maybe even weeks or months at a time when there was nothing except for working on that but think about how that one project because of how good it was think of where it took him yes just being honest with you like this book so i wrote it i thought about it for two years but i wrote it in six months and cleaned the slate there were i mean i had some meetings but i had to freaking write that book but i was so deep and one of my favorite books by the way which i reference is called catching the big fish and it's all about consciousness and creativity and about how most people's consciousness is up at the surface.

55:53So it's all they can see is little fish. That's the 80%. But if you go really deep, some of those insights, some of those relationships are worth a thousand X to little fish. It's much bigger fish, much bigger opportunities. But in writing that book over six months, and I was deep, I changed my thinking. I changed my identity. I changed what I thought was possible. I learned things that are now opening up the opportunity to have conversations with you. and now because of that deep work and then the project that comes out of it now all of a sudden you are fundamentally positioned differently like just as an example like before this book I mean I got my PhD in organizational psychology that is leadership training and development but now this book actually opens up doors for me to go train companies that are doing 100 million 200 million but I wouldn't I wasn't positioned to do that and I honestly didn't have the capability to do it without all that deep work.

56:44And so a scheduling is really big. I guess one more thing just to make it super practical for people. And this is something that is psychologically based, but it's also something that Dan really worked hard to develop, which was, if you really think about high performers, think about LeBron James, think about football players. There are days when they have to perform at the absolute highest level. Call those performance days or focus days. The only reason they get paid a million dollars,$5 million a game is because they did such deep work on their practice days. Very good. I'm into football. I don't know if you are.

57:20Jalen Hurts. So Jalen Hurts, and I wrote about him in the book, but he quantum leaped from last year to the year because he wasn't overly booked. He did the deep work. He studied his craft and he came back six months later, a different person. Totally different person. And so you can do that if you create deep flow, not just overly scheduled. You're all over the place. Yeah, by the way, Hurts, you guys, went from a guy that they weren't even sure should be a starting quarterback in the league to, and he didn't get injured, he probably wins the MVP last year and probably should or could have won the Super Bowl.

57:50No offense to Chiefs fans. And his skills was fundamentally different. Huge difference. The way he delivered the football, his ability to read defenses, his presence in the pocket, the whole thing. In the book, they talk about free days, focus days, and buffer days. Buffer, yes. And that was profound for me because I'll be honest with you, I used to be better at that. And I've gotten so busy just doing work all the time that if I'm not careful and I don't get back to some free days and some buffer days, if I don't get back to it, I'm going to take the next decade and not do something impossible.

58:21And I will just do, I will 2X from here. Yeah, being busy is 2X. Yep, being busy is 2X and I am 2Xing with my busyness level. I've enjoyed the day a lot. I want to ask you one more thing. I want to go back to something. By the way, I told you guys in the beginning how good this would be. And I was right. This is stuff that you don't hear anywhere else. And I love that when I'm doing a show and I'm like, no, this is stuff people have never heard before. And I like how we've gone back and forth on it too. I appreciate you giving me the space to contribute as well. Psychographic alignment. Oh. Okay.

58:52Now, I wanted to do this last because not everybody sticks around at the end, but the concept of it, I'd never heard of before. So what is it? Because I think it's an interesting place to finish because we've covered all the other stuff I wanted to cover. But if I don't ask you this on camera, I'll forget to ask you off camera. Yeah. So it's tapping into kind of the deeper sides of psychology, meaning, and also identity. Like how do I identify? And so rather than selling someone a product, you sell them an identity. That's what psychographic alignment is. It's like I want to be with people like that.

59:27So when you sell a product, even if it's a pair of socks, it's not a sock you're selling. It's an identity. You're the kind of person who wears these socks because other people wear these types of socks like this too. And so it's about selling a transformation and selling an identity. And it doesn't have to be selling, but I also want to align myself with people who have the same psychology as my desired future self, right? And so if I'm going to listen to your podcast, I'm going to be probably aligned psychographically with you. I'm going to think like you. So yeah. Why does this matter, you guys?

59:57why do I ask it last? I do this with my family a lot. So I've told my kids this all the time. They're going, the Milets are going to do something awesome. The Milets are going to do something awesome. Yeah, but dad, other dad, well, we're not other people. You know, I'm glad the other dad lets you go out till midnight, but here's the truth. The Milets don't do that. And I do it with the show often. I'll say the kinds of people that listen to this show are X, Y, and Z. And so - And you just framed it, by the way. I framed it. You got it. And so these things all kind of tie together, you guys. And we went very deep today because when you get somebody like Dr.

1:00:26Hardy on your show, I want to go as deep as I can in this brain because this, the surface conversations are for other podcasts for me, right? You can listen to other podcasts if you want the surface stuff. I want this show to be that you could even hear someone that's been interviewed by three people and you hear them on my show and you're like, that's a totally different conversation than I've ever heard anywhere else. But it is unique and special to have somebody on the show that's capable of going this deep. Off camera, I told him, what I love about you is I can go anywhere with you and we can go to deep water.

1:00:56And you proved that to me today. He's going to get going on his Instagram, but for now you can follow him on Twitter at Benjamin P. Hardy, YouTube, Dr. Benjamin Hardy. And obviously you can go get the book too. 10X is easier than 2X, how world-class entrepreneurs achieve more. Dr. Hardy, you are awesome. And today was extraordinary. So thank you so much. Dude, Ed, this is cool for me, man. Seriously, this is cool for me to be with you, man. Thank you, brother. I think it's the first of a few. Yeah, man. I'd love to have you back. All right, everybody. Share today's show. You're welcome, by the way.

1:01:28It's free. The price of admission is that you keep coming back and that you share the show. That's all I ask of you. Fastest growing show on planet Earth because you all share when episodes like this resonate with you. Thanks, everybody. God bless you. This is The Ed Milad Show.