How to Deal with Haters. Don't let them DESTROY Your Dreams

25:47The real suffering is a good thing. It moves you closer towards your dream. It's the unnecessary suffering that these haters put you through that isn't fair to you. It's the suffering of emotion you feel. It's the suffering of fear you feel, of doubt, of anxiety, of wanting to please everybody. This is what I'd call false suffering. This is what I would call suffering with no value, suffering with no finish line, suffering with no dream. I'm willing to suffer and I accept the suffering in moving towards my target. I'm gonna get knocked down, I got to get up. The race is gonna be painful. I'm gonna get tired.

26:25I'm gonna get fatigued. I'm gonna get rejected. I'm gonna fall behind. Then I'm gonna go in the lead. Then I'm gonna fall behind again. I'm gonna have all kinds of suffering to get to that finish line and I'm willing to accept that suffering in order to win and you need to accept the suffering as well. What you don't need to accept is the type of suffering that is put upon only in your own head, put upon by outside forces the type of suffering that most people go through every single day that is totally unnecessary suffering that causes you not to go through the real suffering that gets you closer to your goal if you're suffering emotionally if you're suffering because of what other people think about you if you're suffering because of these dream stealers in your life this is what I'd call false suffering that gets you nowhere you're going to suffer and you should embrace the suffering it's actually a beautiful thing there's something beautiful once you say I'm gonna have to suffer to get there but this suffering is beautiful because here's the truth the price you will pay to get your dream pales in comparison to the price you will pay if you don't get your dream see the price you'll pay to get your dream to get to the finish line is short term it's a year it's five years it's ten years it's 15 years whatever it is to get to your dream body your dream business your dream relationship your dream finances it's a short-term suffering which pales in comparison to living the rest of your life without that relationship, the rest of your life without that business, the rest of your life without that achievement.

27:48See, the price you'll pay, again, to achieve your dream, once you accept you'll have to suffer and pay a price, is insignificant compared to the price you will ultimately pay if you don't. That's a lifetime of suffering. But what will steal that dream from you, what will steal the ability to pay that price, is suffering from what other people think about you. Suffering from these relationships in your family suffering from feedback from people who aren't concerned about you who are antagonistic towards your fate antagonistic towards your future you're gonna suffer make sure it's the good suffering the suffering with a reward there's no reward to the emotional suffering you're going through worrying about your haters worrying about what people think about you worrying about the detractors I'm not here to tell you as your friend as a mentor that suffering is a bad thing or that suffering towards your goal is something you shouldn't embrace.

28:40I embrace it all the time. Every day before I go in the gym, I know I'm going to suffer a little bit, but it's going to make me stronger and more fit. As an entrepreneur, I accept their suffering. I accept there's discomfort. I accept their setbacks. There's something beautiful once you accept that. What's terrible is then to accept voluntarily the suffering that is so unnecessary that the rest of the world is going to try to put upon you. So distinguish between the type of suffering you're willing to go through. Don't let anybody else ever caused you to suffer, to lose your perception, to lose your vision, to lose how close you are, to lose your belief, to steal your dream, to get you to pay the ultimate price.

29:17The ultimate price is that you begin to suffer worrying about what other people think about you, and in the consequence of paying that price is you will pay a lifetime price far greater for not getting there. So today, I want you to distinguish. Is someone a hater, or are they giving me criticism, concern, and feedback that I should respond to? That criticism, that concern, and feedback, is it coming from a valid place? Somebody who's successful in the area that I'm getting this counsel from. Okay, I want you to be thinking about how much closer you are to your vision than you think you are. I want you considering for a second about the type of suffering you're willing to go through and how worth it will be when you get there.

29:54Do not let the people in your life steal your dreams. And I hope today we've dispelled the myth that everyone's a hater. Everyone's not a hater, and it's your ability to distinguish who is and who isn't that's gonna determine to some extent where you end up going in your life. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You chose to hit play on this podcast today. Smart choice. Progressive loves to help people make smart choices. That's why they offer a tool called Auto Quote Explorer that allows you to compare your Progressive car insurance quote with rates from other companies. So you save time on the research and can enjoy savings when you choose the best rate for you.

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30:51When it comes to what your family eats and drinks, you know your choices matter. You're the expert because you know what fits your life. And getting it right starts with good information. That's why America's beverage companies are sharing more information about our ingredients at GoodToKnowFacts.org. No spin, no judgments, just the facts straight from the experts for more than 140 beverage ingredients. Visit GoodToKnowFacts.org. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest.

31:31this man to my left really needs no introduction if you look at him you know that this guy had a television show for almost more than a decade played in 120 countries yeah they call him the dog whisperer Cesar Milan thank you for being thank you appreciate it everyone's starting to figure out now why I told you I was so fascinated by his work because as I'm hearing things I'm obviously listening because as it applies to dogs and animals but I'm really listening to how it applies as humans and in my life the leaders that I've been willing to follow the most have been calm and confident first. You're exactly right about that.

32:03And the people that have been the glue in my company have been people that have utilized humor. And the people in the back of the pack have been the most sensitive people that kind of build the relationship and the company and are belongers and build the community. And these are all things you should be identified in people. He's the only person on earth who speaks it this way. Even when you drive up here, just talk about this. I drove up to the property and right on the hill in big writing is trust, respect, love. And is that how you would build a family? Is that how you build a company? Speak to why those things, those three are so important to you.

32:34Well, it's a relationship. You know, it's two relationships you have to build, self and outside yourself. So you have to trust yourself, respect yourself, love yourself. Otherwise, you can't really ask for somebody else to do it, you know? So if you don't master this, if you don't live by this high code, and I value animals very, very much, you know? and they have allowed me to keep my standards at a high level because how much I love what they have done for me. You know what I mean? Because I am here because of the animals. So trust, respect, and love is not so much for somebody else. It's that you actually trust yourself, respect yourself, love yourself.

33:17You know what I mean? And most people have learned not to love themselves, not to trust themselves, not to respect themselves. So, unfortunately, that is going to hurt your spirit. That's going to hurt your heart and definitely going to hurt your instinct because if you don't trust yourself, you can only feel bad about it. You know what I mean? You're pretty much stepping on yourself and self-inflicting pain. So, trust, respect, and love is definitely not something that you learn outside, but you master it inside. How do you think someone acquires that? Speaking of people who lack it, was there a place to begin?

33:53where you go, okay, I don't trust myself? Well, motivation. Motivation. I think every change starts with what motivates you. You know, sometimes most people find motivation outside of them. And that's a perfect way or reason to start changing habits. You know what I mean? Or perceptions or formula. I love the word formula. I follow formula. And it's easy to remember, you know, one, two, three. Yes. Yeah. You really have to be dancing with life. And when you are with animals, you're dancing with energy. You know, yeah. So you're definitely, you follow a formula. That's why you can go with Dancing with the Stars.

34:28They teach you a formula. So you say when you're animals, you're dancing with energy. I just love jumping in here. Isn't that what you're doing? Isn't that what you and I are doing right now? Isn't the best connections you're dancing with energy with a person as well? You're connected. Yeah, and you talk about the way you do that. You talk about the difference between being and thinking. This is like brilliance to me. What is the difference between those two things? Well, that you feel what you're saying. Yeah, most people just say shit. and then you know they don't and they don't know they can hurt people you know understand so that's really mean because if you can hurt your own family and that's the one you don't want to hurt yeah you know what i mean you don't mind to hurt people outside your personal space but but when you end up hurting the people inside your personal intimate space that that's the part where it's is you you don't realize that you're not you're not aware of how you feel you're aware of what you want, but you're not aware of how you feel so you can get what you want.

35:23You know, so it's a big responsibility being a parent. It's a big responsibility wanting to bring somebody into your life and that person give you back happiness because if you're not happy with yourself and then you can't really generate, you know, the ideal lifestyle. Why do you think people, speaking on that, because I speak to this a lot, why do you think people delay their happiness till they get somewhere or something. You and I both have talked about this but most humans are kind of waiting to be happy. Don't you think till I get this relationship or till I get the mountain or till I get the car or I get the job or I get the they delay their happiness in their lives.

36:03Animals aren't that way are they? They don't delay their happiness till they get something. I think it's priorities. I think has to do with your priorities of what do you prioritize? You prioritize natural, simple, profound, or you prioritize money, fame, and power. What are your priorities? Money, fame, and power only exists in the intellectual world. That means you're not going to take care of your body, of your heart, and your spirit. So if you don't take care of your heart, your body, and your spirit, how in the world are you going to ask somebody to do it? And if you do, you're not using honesty.

36:35You know? Because you've been a hypocrite. You see it? So then the other person will clearly say Or C, that you're not practicing exercise. So why would you encourage me to do exercise? You're not being a positive person. Why would you encourage me to be positive? You're not being a loving person. Why would you encourage? So you can't motivate somebody that you are not being. Gosh, it's so good. You get it? So animals, for me, play a very important role because it keeps me grounded on the natural, simple, profound lifestyle. So I can be happy with or without money. I already mastered how not to have money.

37:17I was poor. My whole entire childhood and adolescence stage, of course, I mastered that. Do I feel bad about it? No, I feel great. Because I can say I mastered poverty. You know what I mean? And most people who make money and then lose money and then they get depressed because they have never experienced to be happy without money, fame, and power. And you had that happen, right? You've told me that you had money, then you didn't have money again, then you had it again. If you don't mind saying, this is somewhere that's interesting to go, but that you could help people. Because I think people look at someone like you or like me and they think, we have all these answers.

37:56But for me in my life, many of the answers I've found for me are out of necessity. Like I had to learn some of these skills so that I could be a happier person, so that I could be a higher functioning person. Like my self-confidence comes from the fact that I was so insecure as a little boy that I had to learn these tools just to be like a functioning person, right? You got to master uncertainty. And you've had some, if you don't mind going there, because I just think you'd serve people so much because you're this world famous guy. You've had all these celebrities. We're walking through earlier, you've worked with the NASA, you've worked with the astronauts.

38:30And I mean, you've said this incredible life. Leaders of the free world have called on you to help them with their pets. I mean, it's like, it's like, and really help them with themselves, frankly, but they don't know it. They don't know that. Right. People in power, you have to break it down. You can't pop the bubble real quick. But I mean, your life story from this little boy who's working at five years old, who lives under a bridge, who gets his dad's hundred bucks to come here, who has his place in South Central to just what it's turned into is just extraordinary. But you've also had dark times in your life.

39:02If there was a point, at some point as an adult, where you weren't sure you want to even be here anymore. Is that not true? Yeah, suicide thought. I think I experienced it once. I think that was a perfect situation. I'm glad that I didn't follow. I mean, I took everything I could and I should be dead. but but there's one of those moments was even if you if you get in the way of the bullet if it's not your time that's was like oh that sentence I heard it many times it is real yeah so it gives it gave me like that sense of like direction again of not being selfish so I became too selfish I thought I started thinking about me only and and uh that i became a failure so i got into this concept but i you know i jumped the border so there's so many things that i couldn't think at that time you know that i it's almost like winning gold medals right so everything i accomplished it's a lot of gold medals yeah but then you start your all that fixation or that focus or that passion or that spirituality you you put it into the negativity.

40:19So I experienced what a lot of people experience. Yeah. You know, I never had that experience. I never experienced a human who I didn't trust, or I never experienced a human who was very dishonest. So I did. And so it was very shocking to me. It was almost like, I was shocked. I was shocked that it happened to me. That it happened to you. Yeah, I was shocked. But now it's like, okay, it's human. Unfortunately, it's human nature. That has nothing to do with me. So, you know, I just, I just, it just made me a better father. It did. Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad you're willing to share that because I haven't gone quite to that extreme in my life, to that extent rather.

41:00Yeah. But I've had real dark times in my life. I still have them. In fact, just driving up here today. But if you ever do, just call me because sometimes you just need somebody to redirect you. Yeah. Just for like, give you like a, you can go back and think about it again. Sure. But if somebody can take you out just for 30 minutes, so good. So good. And by the way, that's a lesson for everybody. Any of you who have ever contemplated suicide, you call somebody. You talk to somebody. Let them take you out. Talk about it. Talk about it. Talk about it. Move yourself. The thing I love about you, I know we're going everywhere.

41:30Just because you have this capacity to talk about so many different things all through the prism of animals and dogs. We have Rio even sitting here with us right now. And you rescued Rio from the fires, right? so from the fires of malleable and who's sitting in my lap this that's alfie alfie loves to be in and and every single interview that's that's his job right there speaking of that i've heard you say this that with your dogs and alfie's so quiet too i've heard you say that your dogs kind of learned from you and i was so glad to hear this i have a pomeranian lily and at first she didn't like it but there's always cameras in my house lately right and this little girl loves cameras now this is true with our dogs could you just let people in on this secret because i think it's a secret to most people but if you have like a pack of dogs one of them is going to become uh the way you are at the kitchen the way you are you know with people so they're just gonna they're gonna know it's this is my thing you know what i mean so yeah so it's very classic is it true that lily likes the camera yeah yeah yeah yeah that's oh yeah the attention yeah because you because you enjoy what you're doing yeah and so she's she's actually uh attaching it to to those lights and to all those okay so my dad is going to start feeling really good i'm going to go and do it now you know what i mean that's incredible they they watch and they imitate you talk a lot about surrender what do you mean when you say that surrender surrender is just accepting something that is good for you and good for everybody else it's a truth of yours it's something that you believe yeah that you can logically logically prove it emotionally agree with it and spiritually commit to it you know your instincts your heart and your spirit once they're in sync with each other you're going to surrender to anything because now you're going to use your superpowers you know what i'm saying you're going to count trust respect love you're going to have the triangle inside of you pushing to create calm confident love and joy now what do you want to achieve you're unstoppable you have to generate like even the NASA they know they have to generate a certain kind of fuel in order for them to have that well how you human generate what you really want the power of intention and and you know and and in having like great group of people around you is you have to understand that to do that and to accelerate the process you have to come with the right energy hmm you understand you have to come with our energy is not what you want is the energy that you have to have or to create what you want I wanted to be the best doctrine in the world I was calm confident love and joy when I said it mmm I remember it and I always go back to my satellite and I stopped on the place where I declare it you declared it in a specific place yeah I was going to a judo competition how old were you I was 13 13 you said I'm gonna be the greatest dog trainer I know that's not what I say I said to my mom Mom, you think I can be the best dog trainer in the world?

44:27Mom comes up, you can do whatever you want. Oh, I love mom. You know what I mean? You need to believe in yourself, and you need somebody that believes in you. That's yin-yang. Bam! And so you have to know when you declare something that you have to do it around people who don't have a block. Okay? Who their belief in you is 100%. Love to you is 100%. And there is no negativity. Gosh, that's so true. Okay? So then, that's what miracles exist because we're all declaring the same thing. Miracles do exist. But you have to do it with a group of people that are at your level. Because you can pray for somebody.

45:11But if somebody says, well, negative energy is more powerful than people being positive. I mean, you know what I mean? We don't live in an amazing planet, even though the planet is incredible. but pollution only happens because we live a polluted lifestyle. You understand? Global warming is not what happens outside. It's how it happens inside of you. Because you live it, you can only create it. Oh my gosh. So global warming will not stop until your energy is in a better place or your chakra, however you want to call it. I want to tell you in the middle of this, I just want you to know how grateful I am that I'm sitting here with you because I'm getting so much.

45:46I told you in the very beginning, I told you, you say things that no one else says and it hits me, it affects me. When you're speaking, I don't know if my audience's experience this, but when you're speaking, I'm thinking of all kinds of different applications for what you're saying and situations that I've watched happen in my own life. And you, you're - But you know where that comes from, right? Tell me. That comes from your creativity. You're a very creative person. And when you hear things, you already put it into work. Yeah. And so can we all do that? Yes, of course. how do you do that creativity that's why painting music and and ceramic is very important you have to do some kind of a creative activity even if you suck at it yeah it doesn't matter the fact that you allowing yourself to create in a creative way it allows you to come up with so many different ways of helping yourself so what makes me an amazing you know dog whisperer is how creative I am okay I'm very very very creative like no one dog I have helped the same that's crazy to me and I assume that that creativity is expressed most when you are being and not thinking is that right when you're just reacting to your instincts is that when you're the most creative well you're thinking about that Yeah, because I do talk, when I drive, I don't waste time, meaning I'm always creating the new show.

47:21I'm always creating the new way of making sure humans get educated, entertained, and enlightened. I'm always formulating what is the natural, simple, profound way this year. Natural, simple, profound. Yes, you know what I mean? But this natural, simple, profound is always going to be like a good formula, right? And then as the creativity is how you, how, how you, it's like fashion. It's the same freaking dress, but it's a different fabric. Yes. And so the creativity makes you look at it in a different way. But it's a dress, it's pants, it's shorts, it's shoes. It's just creatively speaking, they just added something new.

48:03That's how, is that your secret formula? Because there are people who have a dream right now, or there's been people with dreams that never achieved them. Right. you achieved it like it's happened and now there's a bigger one and you're thinking of the next one and the next one what do you think separated you caesar like why did this happen if someone's watching this they go i have a dream you know my dad had a dream and it never happened yeah my mom had a dream what what is different about someone like you that it happened focus that's it the only way you can cross from one place to another place on a rope is because you focus.

48:38That's it. Those people are freaking good teachers, okay? If you want to achieve something so stupid, it's so crazy. Just look at the people that cross from one tower to another tower on a rope. And the only reason why they can do this is because they focus. I wish the people that are listening could have just seen you. Because when I just asked you that, man, your face went focused. Like, you dialed in. Did you see that? These guys saw it. Your energy even changed when you said that that is the separator by the way is someone's ability to get laser yeah healthily obsessively focused on something i believe is a separator healthily obsessed because i i just i i know that that's the answer you're going to show us something here how i align myself to make a decision okay is how does my body feel when you ask me a question how does my mind my mind see it in a natural, simple, profound how much I love that decision in a split second.

49:35Wow. So that's knowing yourself because you react. If I bring something that smells really bad, you're going to react really fast. You know what I mean? So you're going to, in a split second, you're going to make fight, flight avoidance or surrender decision. Okay. You know, so I'm always listening to my instincts, analyzing your words, intellect, loving the moment and believing in what I'm about to say. So my spirituality, this is always what helps me give you the answer. Wow. And it just comes like this with you, almost instinctively, right away. Yes. I learned, I learned to explain what I was feeling.

50:19You know what I mean? Yes. It's like people that sing, they just, Adele, you know, with Houston, they're just born in that way. Yes. You know? And so then they have to they have to learn how to explain the feeling of it so i learned to explain the feeling of it but i never let go of the feeling that's one thing i love about me right that i never let go of the feeling so i'd rather know how i feel than know how much money i have oh amazingly true i know that for a fact for sure so that's how i'm going to guarantee myself that I would never choose suicide. I lost my feeling. I lost what I treasure the most.

51:04So I gave my influence to the outside world. And you own your world. Every step you do is yours. Right? So you are your pack leader. You are your middle of the pack and you are your back of the pack. You are one pack inside of you. Don't worry. Do you understand? So you're using superpowers. Otherwise, it's just the mind. Yeah, the mind plays games. And your heart using it the wrong way can create the wrong emotion. And that's going to affect your spirit. So you're not going to be able to walk around with spirit. Oh, wow. You know what I mean? Because your spirit is broken. I feel like that's an entire book right there, what you just said.

51:48I feel like that's like a 25-chapter book. That's so good. Like, so you, when you had your dream, we only have too much more time, but like, I'm just, I'm going to take full advantage of my time with you. Cause I, I know what the audience is doing. I already know there's millions of people sharing this and pressing the share button and all that. But for me, I'm maxing this out for me. Like I'm getting so much from this, but your dream of being the greatest dog trainer in the world. Yeah. I think what people need to know though, I doubt you knew exactly what it would look like though. like where it would be, who you'd meet, that there'd be books, that it was TV.

52:22I think for me in my dream, I had the feeling. I've always held onto the feeling. I think what a huge lesson when the dream isn't happening. Can you hold onto the feeling of how it would make you feel to have it? But I think some people think they have to have every step figured out in advance or they won't take action. And I think that holds a lot of people back. But I doubt when you came over here on December 23rd with a hundred bucks, you had the dream and the feeling, but I doubt for sure you knew every single step you're going to take for the next 20 years of your life the first dog whisper and on the planet so you create your own path yeah and the first dog behavior is internationally known in the world i'm the first mexican guy who chose to uh go into the dog world and you know and it's just i'm the first so there was no road map for a guy like me yeah so so as a doctor yes it's a roadmap for to be a doctor is a roadmap to be an engineer as a roadmap to be a scientist.

53:17It's a roadmap. And they can tell you the ups and downs and things. But in my, it was no roadmap for me. But one thing that I can tell people, it doesn't matter what dream you have, is definitely make sure that you take care of yourself. Exercise, you know. Be around great people. Eat as healthy as you can. it does affect how you deal with life you know bad food is bad it's just bad even your thought change your sluggishness change it's just your body is not going to like it that you're not supposed to give yourself you know bad food you know what I mean tastes good but it doesn't mean it's good for you so it everything affects and and just have that understanding you know that that anything that you're going to build, if it doesn't exist, time is part of it.

54:16It's just part of the building time. In my culture, it's believed that it's four kinds of humans. And you're even born to be a teacher, a builder, an artist, or a leader. okay and and so but at the end of the day you are all of them yeah you are a teacher you are an artist you know you also you know it has to do with earth you know you know all of that and you should lead your own life but the way they they separated it is to create different classes yeah so that's just human stuff where he comes i'm going to control all these people and i'm never gonna let them become happy. Yeah. Do you understand?

55:09So it's like we should learn to achieve our full potential. That's what I love about America. America allows human being to achieve his full potential. You know where you become where you where you become your whole self. Have you done that yet? What? Achieved your full potential.

55:30I'm getting in it. You know what because yeah, I definitely, you cut me out, my best time of my life, besides the childhood, that's without a doubt, that was really, really good, you know, because I had a grandfather, grandma, dad, and mom, and farm, and animals, and food, water, and shelter, so like, talk about primal, primal, okay, so I got all the primal needs covered at a high level, not only that, my grandma my grandpa my dad my mom my sister loved me at a high level then we went to church and we learned to believe at a high level you know what I mean like we're like super devoted religious people you know so do I practice Catholicism no you know but do I love the the fact that I learned to believe absolutely yeah absolutely absolutely so all of those things definitely an effect of how you agree, commit, and follow through with whatever you want to achieve in life.

56:38This episode is brought to you by Marshalls, where you never have to compromise between quality and price. The buyers of Marshalls hustle hard, working to bring you great deals on brand name and designer pieces. Because Marshalls believes everyone deserves access to the good stuff. Visit a Marshalls store near you or shop online at marshalls.com. Thank you.

57:28When did making plans get this complicated? That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Uncle G, Grant Cardone with me here today. Like you talk about you, you're able to be bold about what you believe in and your faith. You're going to take some shots for that, right? You're going to take some shots for having the gun thing at Mandalay, right? You took some shots and you knew that by going to spreading your width of your influence, right?

57:56And I think, and it's just interesting, In today's world, it seems to me, the thing that holds most people back is their worry and fear about criticism and what other people are gonna think about it. I mean, it's just, they're obsessed with it. I think social media has been good, but the bad part is, how many likes did I get? What are they gonna think about this? Are people thinking I'm happy? You know, am I gonna get criticism? How do you, do you just not care? Or do you care and you do it anyway? I care and I don't look. You don't look. You know what I'm saying? Like we were talking earlier and I was showing you this little thing I do.

58:25This is one of these little rituals I do. You talk about rituals and this little thing, because I was passing across this article that I'd shown Ed that I'd posted. And I said, Ed, anytime I look at anything, while I'm with you, having a conversation, and tell my people to do this, grab something, post it in another place, push it some other place. So we multi-purpose everything. You do, man. You're after that stuff all the time. Yeah, so you'll see me doing a lot of different things in a lot of different spaces, pieces and parts of it, little clips of videos, audio. So we multipurpose, because I'm trying to go all these different directions, and I don't know how people want to consume data.

59:00So the point, back to this, is I don't really look at whether you liked it or not. It's not on your radar screen. Yeah. Now, I do have staff that tells me to take stuff down. In fact, they don't tell me anymore. They just take it down. They do. So Sherry kind of runs control, kind of hurricane, Irma, pickup. So does my wife. So they're like, they know I'm a hurricane. They know I'm going to destroy stuff. I'm going to tear trees out. I'm going to damage stuff. I am a hurricane. I'm a hurricane that never stops. I think every great entrepreneur is a bit of a hurricane. And I think the ones that struggle are trying to keep everything clean, neat, tidy, and organized.

59:34Being an entrepreneur is messy. And this is the guy I don't want to be. I don't want to be the successful uncle that went into hiding now. Yeah, me either. Or the billionaire that there's no access. Right. You want to spread it. Yeah, I don't know Mark Cuban's wife. I've never seen her. Yeah, that's a good point. You know, I've never seen Elon Musk's wife. I've seen one interview with her, okay? Warren's wife. I want my wife to be out there. Yeah. I want you guys to know my kids. I want you to see the mistakes I make in my life. I want to see behind the curtain. Yeah, I think they're not following an image.

1:00:09I think they're actually following you. I think they're actually following you through your life, and I think you're helping lead them, too. I think it inspires them. I think that's a huge difference. There's a couple big differences. Both you and I have actually done something in our lives. When we're preaching to people out there in the world, We're actually coming from a place of experience and some real value. We're not making our bio up as we go along, which is most people, I think, out there in this space. I think most people in the space are just literally blogging and talking about crap they've actually never done in their lives and somehow become scripture to people that follow them, whereas you and I actually have real businesses, real companies, real net worths.

1:00:39But let's go through some rapid fire stuff. Yeah, but let me let me just go back to there was a time in my life like, you know, the person that's been most dissatisfied with me is me. I wanted to be able to teach other people sales. Yes. And then I learned how to do that. Yep. And I was making millions of dollars a year doing that. But I was not a businessman yet. And it killed me. And it killed me that I wasn't a businessman. I was a speaker. I was a speaker, okay? Writing a book would not have solved that for me. So I started a second business with a partner. He exceeded what I was doing in that speaking business.

1:01:15He was the businessman. I was the partner. I still wasn't. I still wasn't a businessman. I started the real estate business. and we had, I don't know, 400 or 500 units. I was an investor. I still wasn't running a business. So literally, it has been like four or five of these before I was like, okay, now I'm a business man. Wow. So it's literally like in the last seven or eight, maybe 10 years, that I really felt, okay, now I'm a legitimate, for the first time in my career. Was there something to change, a catalyst? Was there just steps, just process? Well, it's part of what we talked about earlier, lifting off the disabilities like that were covering me up to play a small game, to be a sales guy, to be an author, to be a speaker.

1:01:52These were really small, tiny games. Yes. You know, to be just the father. Yeah. You know, to be. Don't you love those guys? Hey, I'm a good dad. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like that's a ticket. I mean, you're supposed to be a good dad. Happy's a label, by the way. Yeah. Happy's a label just like ADD. Yeah. Okay. They're both made up. They're both made up. So, so these are limitations because I could be happy. Yeah. You know, I could be attention deficit disorder. I could have it. I could have it for a second because, but, but, but I can have total attention in this interview. So maybe I don't, maybe I have an attention deficit because nobody got my attention.

1:02:26Right. Both of us don't believe in most of the labels or if any of them out there. I'm so excited because today is really about changing your life. And if I could just define today, it's about changing your life. In fact, if I could define my whole program, it's about changing your life. And today we get to get right into the heart of it with a man who's done that in his own life, comes from a remarkable family, NFL football player, incredible motivational speaker tv personality and he's written a book that i went through in one night one night i read change starts with you following your fire to heal a broken world and the author of that book is sitting right across from me right now sam ocho welcome to the show brother i'm so glad to be here ed thank you so good to have you what made you write the book number one i'm curious why this book why right now um it was hard to be honest like this This is my second book.

1:03:16My first book is called Let the World See You, How to Be Real in a World Full of Fakes. And that book was really just an overflow of my heart. Like there was just life was happening and that book really was therapy. This book was more of this response to really in 2020, George Floyd, COVID, everything. And this thing of like, man, I started doing stuff in the community and people started saying, Sam, how did you do that? Or how did you get past some of these things? Or what made you want to do that? There would be schools, universities, organizations that would be asking me, hey, how did you do what you were able to do?

1:03:47And so this idea of what if I could write some of it down, not that it's this perfect example, but this idea of, okay, we all want to see change in the world or in ourselves. But we either, one, don't know how, or two, I think a lot of us are afraid to address some of the things that keep us stopped and keep us stuck. Well, the thing about the book, too, that was interesting was you do two things I love. Number one, you're like, hey, no, you. Actually, you can change the world. You can change your life. Because I think oftentimes people think it's for a dude who played in the NFL like you only.

1:04:18Or like, hey, man, this guy Ed Milets had a bunch of financial successes. So, yeah, he could do it. But me, not me. So that's the one part I loved. But the other part that I think is requisite is you actually take them through steps of how to do it. It's not like just like rah-rah, dreams and bubble gum and rainbows. There's actual steps in this book of how to do it. And I want to go through some of them. I wanted to read the book, so I don't want to go through all of them. But there's terminology in this book and ways that you frame and phrase things I've not ever heard in this space before. And I was surprised how you started out the book.

1:04:49You actually started out the book by saying big dreams requires architects. I've never heard that term before when it comes to a dream. So go ahead and riff on that a little bit. Yeah. I mean, so like we all have, a lot of us have dreams and a lot of us have goals and things that we desire, things we want to see changed. and we oftentimes don't know how to get to wherever we want to get to. Yeah, right. And you think about it. I'm not, you know, I talk about in the book, I said, like, I love building. But I'm not this car guy that's, like, in the shop and building cars. Or I'm not like the, I got one of my old coaches, he loves, like, Lego sets is his thing.

1:05:22Like, he's like, man, I could work on Lego set for days, for weeks. But I like building people. I care about people. And you talk about even the idea of change starts with you. It's like, oh, that's a nice idea. It's like, no, dude, you. Like you, like even you, Ed, like with your platform and your history and your background, like you're making change. So people listening, like change starts with you, not just this general idea, but you need help. Yeah. I need help. We all need help. And so this idea of these architects, these people around us who can help us build the dreams we're trying to build, and not just like, okay, give me all your resources and we'll do it.

1:05:55It's like, hey man, like I need, I'm scared. Or hey, I think this is a great idea, but can you help me through this? As I was on my way here, there was a friend of mine who I called about some stuff. I do stuff on TV, and I'm hanging out at this conference with a bunch of athletes. One of these athletes I played with came up to me today, and he's like, hey, Sam, you do great. I love you, but there was one thing that you said about me on TV, and I didn't like it. And I'm like, well, I didn't say that. He's like, yeah, you did. And I'm sitting there like, I really don't. So I was going back. But that's one of my friends saying, what do I do in this situation?

1:06:25How do I? You know, because that could get somebody stuck. Okay, maybe I need to get out of the industry. And so this idea of, okay, I need people around me who can speak the truth to me, tell me when I'm wrong, sometimes tell me when I'm right and just to ignore them and keep on going, but also people who can remind me of who God made me to be and how God made me. One of my friends, we talked about TV and the smile and joy. He says, dude, get on that TV. Whatever you can do, get on that screen. I'm like, no, do I got family and kids? He's like, yes, take care of your family. Love your wife. Love your kids.

1:06:59But, dude, God's doing something there. So find a way. And so people like that, men, women, they're the architects that I say help me build the dream that I feel like God put inside of me. Here's one of the interesting things that you say in the book about the architects, though, which I never really thought about. But the best mentors I've had, if you call those architects, have done. They actually help you also understand what it's going to cost. And you talk about that in a book. Yeah, I read the book. Right? This is one of these interviews where I go, hey, I read the notes. I read the book.

1:07:25Right? And you talk about the cost part of it as well. So talk about that a little bit, because what I find is a lot of people with their dreams, they stay in negotiation mode the entire life. They're like, is it worth it? Is it worth it? What's it cost to me? Oh, my gosh, I missed this. I did this. And they're negotiating the price tag of their dream their entire life rather than just from the darn beginning go. This is going to cost certain things. Right. And once you've negotiated that price, I think it gives you freedom. But you talk about these architects helping you with the cost as well.

1:07:55Yeah, they help you count the cost. Any dream, any decision, there are consequences, positive and negative consequences. Anything you want to go after and build, it's going to cost you something. My wife, I'm super extroverted. I will hang out with anyone all the time and talk forever. My wife is relatively introverted. She's like, hey, man, people can be draining. My good friends are. so early in our marriage I would want to take her to all the things and do all the stuff and like and she would go but there came a time where it was like hey like I want to be home or I'd say okay you could stay home but I'll go do these things but it was like hey by the way every time you say I'm gonna go go go you're choosing them over me which is totally okay and go do but it was this thing of like there is actually a cost associated with decisions and so in the same way with our dreams I love being on TV I want to be on ESPN I'm on ESPN right now I want to do all the things and be like the face of ESPN But there's a cost with that.

1:08:47And one of the costs has been, man, I've traveled a good bit these last few years during the fall during football season. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, I'm in studio. Sunday in studio. Sometimes Monday in studio. Talk to my family about that. Talk to my wife. But it's like, hey, that's a cost. But then you start saying, okay, is it worth it? Yes. Right? Because once you count that cost and once you understand the value of it, you realize, okay, we can do this. My wife and I had a conversation. Okay, you're going to be traveling. I'll hold down the fort. You travel, but make it worth it. So good.

1:09:18As opposed to the alternative of, well, I don't know, maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't. Dude, make a decision. Re-evaluate after. Okay, here's how brilliant that is. I have a talk that I gave for many, many years that I believe so deeply in that when I was broke, I had no money. And you talk about broken people. We're going to go there in a minute, too. But when I was broke, here's how I chose things in my life based on what it cost. So I would walk into a store. I wouldn't get what I wanted. I would get what I could afford. So I'd flip price tags all the time. And I think sometimes a poverty mindset in terms of bliss and happiness and achievement is that way as well.

1:09:49We're always negotiating what it costs us rather than the distinction of, is it worth it? Is it worth it? I think successful and happy people negotiate the worth. It always surprises me when someone's pursuing a dream and then they're shocked 20 % of the way in that there's a price to be paid, that there's a cost. Like, why not? This is what's brilliant about your work. There's going to be a cost so negotiated up front. I was having dinner last night with someone that you and I both look up to that's in the sports space I was telling you. And I would consider him one of my architects. And I'd like to think maybe I'm one of his.

1:10:22And we spent a decent percentage of the dinner discussing what our current life choices cost us. and then him reassuring me back that it was worth it. And we would talk out loud about it. And I left that dinner more determined about my current vision, more determined about my current dream, because I was more aware actually of what the cost was. So you're a billion percent right, guys. The application of this at the highest levels, I was just doing this last night. So Sam's 100 % right about it. Now, a couple of other questions I want to say before we even move off the first darn chapter is, you talk about, you said in the book, He said, this book at its core, I'm quoting from it, is about taking things that are broken, systems, situations, people, culture, like what we saw in 2020, systematic things in our world, and you say, and working towards making them whole.

1:11:13Sometimes brokenness is on the outside, cities, countries, and communities in which we live, work, and play. Other times that brokenness is within. and until we address the things that break our hearts, the things that bring us pain, we won't be able to do what we were put on this earth to do. And you ask, what breaks your heart? And then you go into some other questions. That's not normal in a dream book. Why do you have that in there? Because this is not a dream book. This is a overcoming book. Overcoming the obstacles on the outside, but also overcoming ourselves. Before you make any kind of change, You could use that word.

1:11:51You could say progress, whatever word you want to use. You need to address the insecurities within you and the brokenness within you. And sometimes that brokenness came from people close to you. Maybe it's family members. Maybe it's like a dad who was present or wasn't present. Maybe it was a mom who was there. Maybe it wasn't there. Maybe it was siblings. Maybe it was something that happened as a child. And all of a sudden, like your worth that God gave you, that inherent worth, like, you know, like I remember like when Jesus gets baptized, like heavens open up. This is my son in whom I'm well pleased.

1:12:19There's another verse in Matthew 18 or so where they're giving an example about paying taxes and all the things. And they're asking Jesus, like, should we pay? Should we not? And he's like, essentially, he's like, man, the sons are free. Like, y 'all are good. But we're still going to pay. But it's like, I'm God's child. I have inherent worth and value. And somewhere down the line, I set that aside and I started to believe a lie. The lie that either I wasn't enough or wasn't good enough or wasn't smart enough or I was too much. And God said, no, you are who I made you, but I need you to like set aside the lie and pick up the truth.

1:12:58And so this is not a dream. Oh, you know, dream, all these dreams come true. No, this is a hate. That's why this book was hard for me to write. It was hard. Like it was hard. My first book, I'm not saying it was easy, but the words flowed out of my heart. This one was very challenging because I have to address some of the stuff inside of me. The subtitle, Following Your Fire to Heal a Broken World. I talk about, man, that God-given fire, sometimes it gets put out. How do we reignite that match? And so life is hard. And dreams are real. And if we want to go and live out those dreams or even find them again, we have to go back to those places and address those broken pieces inside of us.

1:13:39There's a story. I don't remember the verse right now. I'm telling you, man, there's a story in the Bible about the potter. and it's like this dude, he's making this pottery and the potter messes it up. And you think, oh no, I'm done, I'm screwed. This is horrible. And then it goes on to say, well, the potter, as he slips and messes up the clay, he makes it into something different that was pleasing to him. So it's like, dude, I messed up. It's like, no, dude, God still wants to, not even can or will, he wants to use you. And oh, by the way, it brings him great joy and delight. I think he likes to use some of your things that you think disqualify you bingo So and you talk about this in the book and I'll be honest with you.

1:14:21I'm reading the book gone man Because I'll give you a quick example and then I'll let you talk about it My dad was an alcoholic and got sober when I was 15 years old stayed sober the rest of my life So one of the reasons I believe so deeply a humans can change their life. I watched my hero do it right and and not too long ago, I woke up in the middle of the night. I'd written my book about my dad and the power of one more, and I woke up crying, and my wife's known me since we were little kids. She goes, what's wrong? I said, someone helped daddy, and she went, what? I said, someone helped my dad.

1:14:55I never thought about this before. Some precious human being helped my dad in the lowest moment of his life. He was either going to take his life or lose his family. I don't even know where it happened, a bar, an alley somewhere. or someone helped my dad get sober. And she goes, that's incredible. And I said, that person has no idea that they did something great with their life. The ripple effect is, I'm his son. I've reached millions of people. They probably have no idea. The more amazing thing is what qualified this person to help my dad. They were an alcoholic at one time. They were a drug addict.

1:15:30They were a liar. They lived in the shadows. God repurposed their mess and actually used the things they were the most ashamed of to change other people's lives and change their life. So oftentimes what we do, you're right, this worth gets stripped away and then we start using our mistakes or our failures or our averageness even as like these disqualifiers from our future when the reverse is actually true, right? Isn't that the case? That is 100 % the case. There's a point in my book and I'm saying this because I just found this out. I talk about this lady, this older woman named Cindy, like 80, 70-year-old, 60-year-old woman, and how in the book, and this is, like, it's great, but I didn't know this until now.

1:16:15So I talk about, man, she had a friend, and her friend, a white woman grew up in Houston, and kind of like race and things, and different water fountains. And she had a friend who essentially, like, Cindy's working on learning more about race and George Floyd. And she has this friend, and this friend's like, oh, I don't like black people and this and that. Like, it was like, you know, she's like old school thinking. and Cindy stood up to her and said something and I wrote in the book and that's sometimes the cost of change. And I was like, maybe Cindy lost a friend that day. I don't know if she did or didn't.

1:16:45Well, I sent her a copy of my book and she read it obviously and I told her about that section and she said, hey Sam, thank you so much for writing this but this story actually does have a happy ending because my friend, after that conversation, we stayed in touch and all of a sudden she's learning more about people who look different than her or who think differently. and now all of a sudden because of me like saying something and saying hey let's actually learn now her story is changing who knows about her kids and her grandkids her great-grandkids and so this idea of our mess even I go back to my friend doing stuff on tv like I was I was hurt by hearing this guy who was my teammate say man why would you say that and but he confronted me and I get a chance to go in and I said I was going watching did I say it or not but even go and say hey let's talk about this because I don't ever want to be that kind of person.

1:17:32I don't want that to be. And if it is, I'm sorry and I apologize. But it's almost this deal of places where we're afraid or we feel broken. God wants to use for his glory. Well, you literally say, I'll let you finish this sentence. Everyone, I want you to hear this. This is going to go viral, this sentence right here, because no one phrases things this way. You are the answer to someone's prayers. come on you are you are your your action your movement your discernment your touch your platform is what someone has been waiting for and you have no idea yes you have no idea that dream that you have that you've been a little bit timid about and trepidatious, there are people on the other side of those dreams.

1:18:31Like your dad. That's exactly the example I'm thinking of. I'm telling you, man. Your dad, he didn't want to be an alcoholic, but there was someone who said, you know what, I'm going to go talk to this guy. That person was an answer literally to my prayers as his son, literally. I'm reading your book and I was getting emotional. One, there's actionable things. At my age now, in my experience, I put things through my, do I believe that meter? Do you know what I mean? Yes. I'm 51. And everything I'm reading, I'm like, that's right. That's right. That's a way better way to say it. I've never heard that before.

1:19:06That person, and by the way, I know who they are now. Ironically, I can't say his last name because it's an anonymous program, but I'll just say something interesting. My name's Ed. My dad's name's Ed. My grandfather's name's Ed. And the person who helped my dad get sober, his name is Ed. That's not a very common name anymore, right? And so I actually know who this person was. But you say something. You just go in there for a minute about what a coach said to you about, I'll let you finish this, about we know with your, not just your words, but other things in life, whether you're really pursuing your dream.

1:19:34Because lip service is really common right now. Really common on Instagram is living the dream. I'm going for it. I got a vision. Big thoughts. Big life. You know, all that stuff. But there's a separator. Yeah, you follow with your feet. So good. You follow with your feet. it's so easy to talk our words it's just like it's just like this whimsical like oh yeah i'll do i'll be there or i'll yeah i got you or i'll pray for you for you it's a lot harder but more fulfilling to move and maybe that movement is just getting on your knees to actually pray for that person or just folding it or even closing your eyes and even praying or maybe it's that movement of you know i want to get in shape oh yeah i'm gonna start working okay actually like getting up walking around going to the gym um my coach said it you you follow with your feet you don't you don't follow with your words and your action with your words and your thoughts movement is what says oh you are for me you're against me yeah period i also think the footwork um our friend inky johnson says this it shouldn't be conditional in sports everybody's willing to follow with their feet when it's 23-7 and you're leading, right?

1:20:46Are you willing to follow with your feet when it's 28-3, you're losing, and now you're on the bench and some dude's playing in front of you. Do you follow with your feet then? What I'm saying is that I want everyone to hear this because you're like, yeah, I heard that. I should probably work harder. Yeah, but is your work ethic conditional? Is it too conditional that everything's got to be dialed in right? Everyone's got to be supporting you. The wind's got to be blowing at your back. You better have had some momentum. Or do you have the ability to follow with your feet when it feels like you're losing?

1:21:13When it feels like people are against you, when you get criticism from a friend, then what are your feet doing? That's usually the separator, right? And when you're alone. When you're alone. Because it's that journey you talk about. There can be a lot of loneliness on this journey of, I do want to see something change in my life. Because that's ultimately saying the way it was and who I was with and what I was doing wasn't working. So I'm going to go a different way. And even if no one's with me, will I still go? If I'm getting criticized, will I still, like, I have a joy. I love being on TV. I have a joy, like the joy of the Lord is my strength, but I have a joy when I'm on that TV.

1:21:50And will I let this criticism, and maybe I think the guy wasn't accurate, and I'll go back and double check. I spent an hour or so trying to figure it out. This is really bugging you. This is bugging me. But it's like, nah, dude, like, okay, are you going to hide? Are you going to still be a light? Are you going to hide? Are you going to still be a light? Are you going to address that thing? Are you going to just, oh, you know, blow it off? And sometimes you need to blow things off. So that's kind of where I'm like, how I'm coming into this space is this idea of it will be lonely. Yeah. At times, maybe for a long time.

1:22:22You're right. It's funny you say that. I'm writing right now about a new book. It's amazing how our brain is connected today and our hearts. And I was thinking the other night about what I wanted to write in a chapter, and I'm actually writing a chapter about how pursuit of your ultimate destiny, your bliss, your whatever it is right now is pretty lonely most of the time and to just sort of know that going in i think oftentimes people like i'd ask you this too you said earlier that friend who says hey man here's the course correction right do you know how or would you give any advice someone asked me this a lot i don't have a great answer for it how do you distinguish between like a hater just take this teammate of yours for a minute i'm sure he's a good friend but let's just be real.

1:23:06You've had a really good post and a great NFL career. You've had a really flourishing post NFL career. You have a great family. Got this second book out now. It's going to be doing amazing. You're on television. Probably there's that line. Is this dude a little hatery jealousy or is he giving me constructive feedback? Right. And even I think most people want to know how do you distinguish? Do you think there's a way to distinguish between those things? I do and I think it's the people who know you best will not always but most oftentimes they will be the ones the voices you need to listen to I was with a couple last night so NFL couple and this guy you know great player he's gonna have a long career but you could tell his wife like pours into him and that's the voice he listens to and should listen to now there may be a lot of other voices but there's got to be that one that you trust and and and thankfully i have a few i have two or three like when it gets bad when it hits the fan it's two or three who i'll reach out to and they've i've been knowing them for about some of one of them one of the guys i've known for about 10 years there's a lady i'm a girl woman i know known about 15 years like i've known them and they know me they know my character so it's like no sam that's not you and this is So do this.

1:24:27So there is a way to distinguish the haters versus the people who are trying to constructively build you up. I'm not going to say criticize. I think people who know you, they'll build you up. They'll speak the truth, but they'll say it in love. I love that. I have friends who listen to the show and will go, hey, you asked that question. But from a woman's perspective, I wish you would have also asked this one. I'm like, thank you for telling me that. Or other buddies or guy friends of mine will be like, hey, man, you asked that one question. I would have loved if you followed up. And I'm like, no, give me that feedback.

1:24:53But you see the difference, Ed? Yes. They're offering a solution. You're right. You're right. They're offering a solution. Not just the critique. Not just the critique. Very good. You're right about that. If you just think, as I think, it's like most of my, and sometimes I say, man, I may not have one, but it's, okay, here's, what if you did this? Or what if you thought about it this way? Or what if you just took a, like, took a beat? As opposed to that criticism can be loud, but notice the criticism rarely ever is a solution. Or the solution they give you is just stop altogether. You're right.

1:25:20And that's not love. You're right. That's not love. Everyone go rewind that about 45 seconds back. You know, I've probably asked or talked about haters versus constructive criticism maybe like 60 times in my career. And that's the best answer ever. The people that are supporting you actually have some sort of solution based proposition for you instead of just the critique or just stop. Man, that is really, really good. Really good. I have a man here who's become such a dear friend of mine and a trusted advisor. I've only had one other person on the show three times. So you are now breaking a record, brother.

1:25:55You are a ratings machine. So Dean Graciosi, welcome back to the show, my brother. It's so good to be here. And I have to tell you, you're the best. You're the most gracious host ever. There's a lot of talk in Percival about breaking patterns. I talk about all the time. You do. Tony does. There's also a lot of power in leveraging them. And this idea, there's two things that are going to move every human being, Dean's told you. It's either to avoid pain, moving from pain, or to gain pleasure. Absolutely. And usually most human beings, I think in general, pain avoidance is the stronger of the mechanism, but it works for both people.

1:26:27You need to know which one moves you. So you've already said yours is pain avoidance. Yep. Right. So is mine. The truth is I've become a pretty big dreamer, visionary guy, but I wasn't. Yeah. It took me a long time to get there. Long time to get there. And the fact is I only really got really good at that after certain dreams were achieved. But why? I had to figure out which one moves me more. Okay. Avoiding pain moves me more even to this day. Why? It's more familiar to me. I grew up in pain. So go take a look at the video of your life Did you grow up in a really beautiful environment with lots of love and dreams and bliss and all this great stuff?

1:26:59Maybe your mover is more bling dreams and bliss if you grew up in some pain chaos angst fear anxiety stress That's probably your pattern and instead of trying to spend all your life breaking that pattern There's parts of it. You need to break your beat your behavior from it But the mechanism itself for change for me is pain and pain avoidance I'm familiar with lots of pain. And so to this day, why do I prepare for speeches or podcasts or things so bad? Is it because I want the pleasure of a great podcast? Yeah, that's there. You don't want to screw up. I don't want to screw up. I don't want to make a mistake.

1:27:30I don't want it not to be good. Why do I work so hard? It's to make difference in the world, obviously. Okay, so you, I don't think anybody listening would know the kind of work you put in it. Seriously. Or you either. I don't think they know that you started at 3.30, going to do four podcasts. You're going to jump. You're going to go take a suit. You're going to go do an event tonight. You're going to get up in the morning, fly someplace. least i don't think anybody would realize it are you doing that because you want to sell more books are you doing it because you don't want to sell just one i'm doing it because i don't want to just sell one right now now you've evolved because you know every time a book gets in someone hand you get to change their lives i do right so you just nailed i was just going to say the other part of it is impact right so you know the impact yep but you're not saying but i know for a fact you're getting up tomorrow morning subconsciously yes not saying i'm getting up tomorrow because i don't want to you're getting up subconsciously because you don't want to fail because that pain hurts It's a major and everybody told us we weren't going to make it and our parents probably thought we weren't going to make it and all that kind of stuff.

1:28:19It's a major driver. And by the way, my impact. Stay with me on this because I know you're this way, too, because you grew up in pain. The impact I make still comes from pain, meaning this. I know so many people are in pain and because I connect with their pain, their lack of belief in themselves, they're feeling invisible. They're hurting right now. They want to be happier. That connection of pain is still the impact I want to make. So a lot of it is connected somehow to pain in my life. And it is for you, too. It's like one is avoiding the pain of failing or not being successful or not ending up in heaven, which is that picture of who I'm capable of becoming.

1:28:51Like, do I really want to just get to heaven or is it the pain of not becoming that man? It's both. But also even the impact part where I go, I want to make an impact in people's lives is because I connect with pain. I connect with the discomfort. And you want to get it out of them. I want to get it out of them. Yeah. So that's a major driver for me is pain. And I know my map and I know my pattern. And that's why so many athletes, by the way, when their career is over, they have a very difficult time. One, their identity was tied to their athleticism, but also there's no pain to avoid anymore.

1:29:18Now they're getting pat on the back. You were great. I loved your games. There's no pain to avoid. There's nothing to fill. So I got to think you're that way, too. I am. And the only reason I share that is because I hope you don't use pain to be successful for the rest of your life. But you can use it as that launching pad. It's a leverage. And you can use it as a launching pad to start the business, to show up for the challenge, to play full out, to do something uncomfortable, right? The term I've been using since COVID is we all need to take more uncomfortable action. Did it surprise you that I said I don't want to just sell one book or did you think that's what I was going to say?

1:29:48I knew that's what you're going to say. Okay. Yeah, because it's me, right? I play like I'm 10 points down. Tony and I are doing this challenge, right? We're going to put a million people in it. That's the goal. Last year we put 900 ,000 in, right? Crazy, crazy. And it changed a million people's lives, right? this year I I attack this Ed as if two people are going to show up because I know if you show up I know the end result I saw hundreds of thousands of comments a day of like oh my god I didn't know it was going to be like this oh my god I love you Tony I love you Dean I love you thank you thank you and you know that driver just like the comment I see the comments coming in for your book you want to sell another 200 ,000 copies in the next two weeks so you can help people I will play like I'm 10 points down through this entire challenge i will rehearse i've already watched the last two years that we did this i watched what tony did i watched what i did he's doing the same thing we're prepping if people are going to show up even we want to deliver something that's transformational but i'm going to look through the lens of not wanting to fail still because that's how that's this i'm avoiding the pain of it not working at the level of the impact that i want to make yep right and and i know we went down a couple different rabbit holes but i just want to give people permission today heading into a recession, heading into a shifting world.

1:31:02Again, I hope it doesn't, but it looks like an economic winter is here. I'm going to tell you, use whatever leverage you can use to move. Just move in a direction. Investigate. Look where the puck is going. Look for something different. Explore, question every story that comes into your head. Know your enemy, that story that's already screwed you over and cost you too much. You know that. How do you shift that story? How do you barricade it? How do you not let it in? How do you talk to someone like whatever you got to do i just believe this is an crucial time i do too in people's lives i think that what you do the next there's this analogy in anti-aging david sinclair dr david sinclair's been on my show a few times he goes hey if you can get to like 75 in this day and age you're probably going to live to 100 if you can get to 75 and in the world today i really believe that if you can get this next two years nailed yeah you've got 20 year type multipliers of wealth, bliss, and happiness in your life, if you can get the, but if you don't these next two years, I think the difficulty of getting there is magnified by a huge factor.

1:32:05I think right now is a chance to get way ahead. That same analogy to get to 75, get you to a hundred. I think if you can get these next two years, just momentum, you have to make millions of dollars, but you just get momentum. You get in your groove, you get moving, but if you stay stagnant another couple of years, you don't get something going. The longer you do that, it's harder to get that sucker going again. And I feel like it'll be much harder. Those people that get moving now, they get, by the way, it might evolve. You may start marketing one thing right now and it evolves into something else over time, but you've got to get in motion right now.

1:32:34Do you agree with that? Oh, true story. I heard somebody say it's a strategic byproduct. How many times in life have we had a goal? And when we have the nerve to go after the goal, we find something that's a strategic byproduct of the goal. It's way bigger, way bigger. You never thought you'd have one of the top podcasts in the world, one of the top books in the world. That's a strategic byproduct of you going all in on your businesses, wanting to impact others. Great point. That's a great point. So know that when, whether it's God, the universe, reward you for just having the nerd to go after it.

1:33:02And usually your goal, you're something so much bigger or something different that actually aligns with you. There's a couple of things I think as we're at this point in the podcast, I want to say this is a couple of things. If you're going to protect yourself, build a moat. Build a moat on your emotions. And what I'd say is the news is going to get worse. That's a fact. Conversations with your negative friends is going to get worse. That's a fact. I would say if you really want to stop dabbling, you know, it's somebody who said they want to lose weight, but when no one's watching, they're eating the wrong food.

1:33:35Or someone says they want to start the business, but when no one's watching, they're binging out on Netflix. You know, if you're that person and I'm not knocking you, if that's who you are, enjoy it, live it. But don't say you want it. Don't talk out of two sides of your mouth. Like either go all in burn the boats and do it or just accept the life that you have like I hate to be real But you can't lose weight and not work out and eat bad like it just doesn't where you can't make more money Have ed's life or someone else's life that you see you can't have that without putting the work in So if you're going to put the work in you have to have the mindset to be committed and dedicated to it, right?

1:34:06We have to be disciplined What robs discipline is lack of confidence Insecurity uncertainty, whatever word you want to use. So here's what i'm gonna share What are the things that make you uncertain or lack of confidence? I would build a moat around those things. If there's certain people in your life that are going to make you feel insecure, believe me, it's going to feel worse during a recession and tough time. Spend less time with them or find a way to be a mirror or be a Teflon. If watching the news, whether it's CNN or MSNBC or Fox, whatever one you want to watch. If when you watch the news, you get frustrated, you get scared, you get uncertain, you get pissed off.

1:34:40Stop watching the news. You need that energy for you. So what i'd say is I would figure out the things that rob your confidence and rob your certainty And this is going to sound like oh dean's really smart is do less of those Like especially over this next year you want to like you want to take a challenge go on a 30-day news diet Don't talk about it. Don't watch the news Don't talk and spend a hundred percent of that energy on you 2.0 Spend take the next 30 days and do not surf the internet all of you are getting sucked into Let me just see what ed my let did and an hour later like oh my god I just burned an hour online, right?

1:35:13I would say just find the things avoid the things that rob your confidence Don't talk to the negative people that are hurting you don't focus on your weaknesses Identify who your villain is who that inner that inner story that's already cost you too much and protect yourself against it Investigate to where the puck is going you do those things and this time you're ahead of 95 % of the world and they're simple That's not I didn't give you a business plan I gave you just the foundation of of what can make you thrive in this shifting time when I hear you say all those things I think about energy I think about do things that preserve and increase your energy and don't deplete them so if there's people around you that rob your energy you got to reduce it if there's things you're doing that take your energy whether it's worry fear surfing the internet watching news those other things energy you know and we all talk about I don't know who's first at it or whatever but energy is influence we've talked about this a lot Tony talks about it a lot you do I do and energy is also the most important commodity you can possibly have in your life.

1:36:11And you're going to watch a bunch of people, whether you call it words, thoughts, et cetera, you're going to watch a lot of people starting now through the next two or three years of their lives. You're going to watch their energy change. You're going to watch their vibrational frequency shrink. You're going to watch them shrink. And that's incumbent upon you to feed your energy right now. That's podcast, that's books, that's events. That's a challenge like what you're doing right now with Tony. You got to feed your energy. Highest energy wins. Highest energy will win. And amen to that. And I'm going to tell you, everyone's energy is going to evolve and change.

1:36:41It is difficult when everyone's thriving. Why? Everyone's energy is pretty damn good. High energy will stand out now. Positive energy, optimistic energy, movement energy, momentum energy is going to stand out more than ever. and you're going to see energy change in your investments, in your mindset, in your businesses, all over the place. So I want one shift at the end because it's for me. This is the Ed Myron Show.