How to Endure the Hardest Moments of Your Life

0:28So, Hey guys, listen, we're all trying to get more productive. $10 ,000 worth of courses that are in there that come with the app. Also, some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content in there on a regular basis, like having the Avengers of personal development and business in one app. And I'm honored that he asked me to be a part of it as well and contribute on a weekly basis, and I do. So go over there and get signed up. You're going to get a free tuition-free voucher to go to an event with Brendan and myself and a bunch of other influencers as well. So you get a free event out of it also.

0:53So go to growthday.com forward slash ed. That's growthday.com forward slash ed.

1:26you options within your budget. Try it today at Progressive.com. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Price and coverage match limited by state law. Not available in all states.

1:45This is the Ed Myron Show. Welcome back to the show. So I'm joined again by my dear friend and somebody that you guys every single time there's an episode with him you just not only does it download a lot but people download it sooner it's like oh brendan and ed are together again let me go get this one sooner all the data says that it's you know several hours sooner and longer listening time when this man is on the show and i think the reason is is that um he's brilliant and he makes me sound good when he's on first off let me welcome my guest and i'll tell you what we're going to talk about today because you are going to love this topic and i think it's going hit home for all of you and it's not talked about on podcast almost ever so my guest today is my dear friend brendan brouchard welcome back brendan thank you brother i feel exactly the same about you because every time you put an episode out with us it's always like oh my gosh ed killed that thing he was on fire so i think i think we fire each other up in ways friends actually desperately need you know that that that contact with your best friends that just kind of like turn you back on in life sometimes you do that for me it's really true when we do these shows as we both say, when we're done, we're like, bro, that was so good for me.

2:50I hope the audience enjoys it. But like I grew today, I learned, I pushed myself. It's always, uh, we're always like, gosh, this is so good. And at least for us, hopefully the audience agrees with this as well. So today though, you brought the topic up and it's fitting because I've gone through a few things lately and you have as well. We've just, it's called going through life, but I want to talk today about what your mindset needs to be when you're going through hardship. and and that's something not talked a lot about it's not an easy topic and then maybe we'll kind of put a bow on it towards the end if it's not hardship what's the mindset to deal with doubt because i was just joking with you i said i doubted myself four minutes ago it's just something that human beings deal with and i think some people think it's exclusive to them or once i'm successful i won't have doubt but i think that's something that'll be your lingering friend most of your life.

3:39Let's start with hardship a little bit. When I say to you hardship or dealing with the mindset of hardship, what's the first thoughts that come to that big brain of yours? First thoughts is honor the struggle, but very quickly identify where that struggle is, right? A lot of hardship, we caused it, right? There's just a lot of things we do. We have bad attitude. We speak ill to somebody who we love. It goes bad. Like we caused that hardship. It was our own thoughts, feelings, behaviors caused it. And then there's the cause of somebody else, something else, the world, fate, bad luck, something happens.

4:19And that's an external hardship. So in both cases, there's going to be a struggle. And all I know is I have to manage this struggle and I have to be honest in managing the struggle. Am I managing a change in myself to cause less hardship on my own in the future? So meaning, do I need to self-regulate because I'm causing the hardship? Or do I need to manage the struggle of just dealing with something that is well beyond my control I can't do anything about? I can't change it. It happened. It's awful. It's difficult. What I'm really trying to do is endure this difficulty with dignity and love. And so right away, I just, I accept, I go, okay, the struggle.

5:12Did I cause it? And, or can I not control it? If I caused it, I need to adjust. If I didn't cause it, I have to go into a place of, how do I just endure this season where I'm going to be sad? I mean, if it's teag, I won't maybe have patience. I can't control the variables. Other people are hurt and upset. It's an endurance question until the sun is brighter. Wow. What a word, endure. First thing I would say is the first question is, did I cause this? Or am I contributory to the hardship? And, you know, there's been a lot of situations in my life where I've had strife with people or, you know, I find myself like, why don't they understand me?

5:57Or this person hurt me or did me wrong. and there was a point for me many years ago where I went, you know, this is becoming a rather common theme for you. This strife with people or whatever it was, you know, like friendships, not blossoming into what they once were and deteriorating. And I remember thinking, you know, there's a common character in all of these stories and it's me. You know, there was a point for me many years ago where, you know, I just had some friendships that had deteriorated, multiple ones. None of them ended up being, you know, terrible, but they just weren't what they wanted.

6:35I started to look back like, well, these guys that were in my wedding, I'm not that close to right now. Or someone said we were getting so close and now we're not. And that one over there, like we had a kind of a falling out, you know, and I remember kind of lamenting, why do people treat me like this? Woe is me. And I asked myself, you know, who's the common character in all of these stories? And it was me. And I had to take a look. Is there some way that I treat people? Is there something about me that's causing more than one, more than two, multiple people to not be as close to me as they once were?

7:09Man, was that a hard thing to evaluate? You know? Wow. I had to really pick apart some things. And I asked other people who were friends of mine. And I even asked one of them who I kind of faded away from. Is it something? And I think what I learned was, hey, man, you're hard to be around sometimes. You're so intense. And I sometimes feel judged by you, a couple of them told me. And I said, do I? They said, I don't know if it's just like you're always on. But I, and one of them said, let me correct that. I feel like I'm judging myself when I'm around you a lot. Like I can't. And I thought to myself, huh?

7:46Well, that's not how I should be treating a friend. They should be loved and cared for and believed in and accepted. I'm one of those guys like I don't accept everything about you if it can be better. Right. That's part of me being your friend. But I think I took that to an extreme where it's like, I just don't know that I want to be around Ed. They felt judged or they felt like they would judge themselves. It's hard to be around higher standards, too. But you can take it to a point, I think, where I was taking it. I'm being honest now, looking back on it, where I just wasn't fun to be around.

8:17Too much of it just wasn't fun. It wasn't light enough. And even now, I got to watch that. You know me. You're the lighter of the two of us for sure. And so I think I've learned to almost poke fun at myself and be self-deprecating about it. And even an awareness that you have a deficiency or weakness makes it more acceptable from people if you can modify and make fun of it. That's different. Being abusive is not, you know, the fact if I'm aware I'm abusive, that doesn't excuse it. You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, and you also grew up in sports and you were an athlete and athletes have a way of talking to each other that isn't always accepted in real life with team or family or loved ones who don't have that sort of athletic speak.

9:02you know and so they they take it they don't realize you're just messing with them on the tee box you're not you're not insulting their you know lifely hood you know you're so right by the way i was just gonna say this and so the other thing i do is i like to kind of rib my friends and tease right like that from sports but a few of them just don't i told a story in the podcast not that long ago at your event uh-huh recall where my friend oh yes i i ribbed him a little bit to me that's a sign of a like that tells the crowd and other people these two dudes are close that's right and you and I even do it with each other and we understand it but in that case John's been transparent about it on my show as well like he didn't care for it and and didn't want to admit it he kept telling me no it didn't bother me at all didn't bother me at all I finally said yes it did and that's okay and he goes well it did a little and I said listen John if what I did hurt you, I apologize and I won't do it again.

9:57And it's wrong. And it doesn't matter whether or not it's appropriate that you were put off by it. You're my friend. You were put off by end of story. It's not going to happen again. And it hasn't happened again. So there's that, right? Ask yourself. But then there's like sort of this little streak I've been on right now. This is the vulnerable part that I know you know about, and then I'll throw it back to you. But I've had some hardship recently that is nobody's doing like everyone knows from social media, Lily, my Pomeranian, we're very, very close with our, our little Pommies and, uh, and Lily passed away a few weeks ago.

10:31And that was just really hard. I mean, people say that don't, that don't love animals or whatever. They're like, it's just a pet. It's, it was more than that. This was a companion of our family for 15 years. And, and, uh, one of the few beings that have ever loved me unconditionally. And that every time I saw her, she made me feel better every single time. And I actually learned a lot about life from Lily. Well, what really matters, which is linear proximity. Lily did not care how expensive our couch was. She cared that I was sitting on it. All right. That's right here. Where how big the house was.

11:04She cared that I was in it. Beautiful. And then I came home. And then a week or two later, we had to put two of our horses down, Lucky and Bell, who have been, you know, anyone who knows horses know you get very close to these animals. And, um, so within a very short period of time, a lot of hardship, a lot of grief. And then, and that's one level of grief. And then, as you know, a family member of mine, um, who she gave me permission, but I'm not going to say who it was, but someone very, very close to me lost a baby, uh, after the baby was delivered and was living, um, in the last two weeks.

11:43And so her child passed away and, uh, she held that baby for eight hours after it passed away. She just wouldn't give it back to the doctors. And, uh, that's real hardship. That's a, that's real hardship. That's so many levels past what it's real hard. And I, I think that's one of those things where you just said you have to endure. And I, and I've also abandoned the desire or necessity to understand it. or why it's just futile and you can come up with reasons why, but you know, I said to this person just about an hour ago, I said, you know, I think grief is a sign that love is so much greater than death.

12:29If we can somehow begin to focus on the love part. And you know, when you go through something like that, you want to know what to say to somebody and maybe just listen to them if they want to talk and, and just endure it and just sit with it. And there's, there's times in your life where you just got to be still. And I'm in that moment myself right now, as we record this, and certainly this family member of mine is, and I just want to give that person her love and grace and prayer. And any of you, they're going through it. You know, sometimes it's just okay to you've been knocked down you don't have to immediately get up there's a standing eight count in life for a reason and sometimes you might want to take advantage of that count and so i think oftentimes i don't think i have to understand why i just have to keep going on yeah and that i do believe time is a healer time doesn't heal time teaches at least time perspective.

13:37Time is a lesson giver. And I've, I've said this in a lot of my talks the last five years, and this is, it's being tested whether I really believe this right now. And I do, which is that on the other side of pain, God wants to give you some type of a gift, whether that's a full of understanding, a new thought, a new relationship, a new decision, a new direction, a new perspective, but God wants to give you something for your pain. And then somehow begin to look for the gift in the tragedy. I'm not saying gift is greater than the tragedy either. I'm saying there will be a gift. If you look at 9-11, this just horrendously tragic event, there was gifts in that though.

14:22The way the country came together, the first responders running into buildings as people were running back, the heroic actions of different people, how people to their homes and cared for them and how it was rebuilt. Whatever you believe about that event. That's not what the point is. I'm saying you could take the worst of events and still see the goodness in human beings. And even in this, in my family, I've been surprised, frankly, by some of the people that have stepped up, that have been the most prayerful, the most strong, followed up the most. And then frankly, you're surprised by some that haven't.

14:55Yeah. Learn about the other people around you in those moments. So those are my two thoughts on the ones you cause, which I've certainly done many times and the ones you haven't. What are your thoughts on what I said or anything you want to add to that? First, just I'm sure everyone listening is also sending you love and care and prayers because just going through all of that, it is that hardship you don't know what to do with. And that's the hardest of hardship. You don't know what to do with it. And I often tell a lot of my friends, I'm like, there's nothing to do with it, especially us, right?

15:31We are Captain Reframe. You and me make a living of helping people kind of reframe some of their thoughts or kind of find their strength in, you know, when they are on the mat. And then there are some hardships, especially when somebody or something that we love passes away or is taken away or ends. Then we're in this place like, well, we don't have control. And I was like, don't rush to reframe it because everyone's going to go, oh, you know, everything's going to be OK. or they rushed just because sometimes if you reframe too fast people can't grieve and uh i also think it's less about the reframing because i love what you said on the other side of pain that growth will be there one day but you don't get to decide sometimes in that hardship when that pain ends you know i saw pangs that immobilize me of loss about my dad and he passed away in 2009 and it will just, it will shut down my, it'll shut down an afternoon.

16:30It just, I'm just done. Like it will, I didn't think this long I would still have afternoon shutter downers, but it happens. So you don't get to decide when that pain necessarily goes away or goes away forever. The issue is, you know, and I don't need to reframe it every time because I've reframed that so many times. But what I did learn is maybe it's not time to reframe the thoughts, but it is time to revisit faith a little bit. You can't put your knowing of why, but you can know that there is a forward position that faith isn't necessarily about why. Faith is about a promise in the future. it's about there there is redemption positivity and good cheer and goodness in the future and so i don't have to explain now all the time because you know even all the bible characters they were going through you know forgive the language but they were going through certain kinds of hells in their own life and they were called up when they were completely unprepared and the promise to them was never about let me explain why your dad sucks and let me explain why your, you know, these rulers, it wasn't a lot of explaining.

17:46A lot of times it was just like, this is, we're going to be in this forward position one day. That's better that, you know, Israel, I'm promising you X, you know, I'm promising you this generations out, there's a promise. And so sometimes faith can not try to explain things, just have a sense of promise of, of good things, even though, uh, we might have to endure this hardship for much longer than we anticipated. And so that's, that's kind of how I bring in the faith into it. Cause I know I can't control things, but I know there's a promise out there. Wow. I love that, Brendan. Just thank you for saying that.

18:21That just helped me find some comfort. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy. Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies. The process only takes minutes, and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket. Visit progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. So imagine it's midnight, you're on the couch, you're scrolling through this new website, hitting the add to cart button, and you decide to check out, but you remember that your wallet or your credit card is in the other room and you don't want to get off the couch.

19:08That's okay. You don't need to because there's that big iconic purple shop button. You know the one. With that shop button, that's Shopify. And there's a reason that so many businesses sell with it because it makes everything easier from checkout to creating your own storefront. Shopify is the commerce platform behind 10 % of all e-commerce in the US from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands that are just getting started. Shopify will give you a leg up from the beginning with beautiful ready-to-go templates to express your brand. And you don't need to know how to code. You can handle everything in one place from inventory to payments to analytics.

19:46And they've got built-in marketing and email tools and that iconic purple shop pay button used by millions of businesses around the world. If you want to see less carts being abandoned, it's time for you to head over to Shopify. Sign up for your one month, $1 per month trial period and start selling today at shopify.com slash Paula. Go to shopify.com slash Paula, shopify.com slash Paula. I think what happens eventually, once you're down there on the mat and that promise of the future, eventually, whether that hardship you're suffering or have suffered is the loss of a person, the loss of a relationship, the loss of a job, whatever it is.

20:29I think eventually you reach the conclusion, like for example, with the loss of this child or the loss of your dad or my dad, I eventually reach the conclusion that I'm not honoring my dad anymore by grieving all the time, that I honor my dad by becoming the man that would make him the most proud. I honor my dad by serving other people. At some point, and not right away, you go, I don't honor this person. And if you've lost a relationship where they've harmed you, at some point you're going to wake up and you're going to go, how do I honor myself? This doesn't honor me by laying here this long.

21:03This doesn't honor me moving. This doesn't honor anything. This doesn't understand the way I was raised or this doesn't understand who I really am as a being. And so at some point I think it's honoring you or honoring that person. Like what, look at, look at what you've done to honor your dad with the work you do. Right. And at some point I think that becomes an inspiration knowing, you know, I can tell you something really insightful that I had a dream the other night about my dad. Pretty vivid. I woke up pretty emotional. And I think this is probably a gift from God and or dad. I said, my dad misses me, but he really misses his grandkids.

21:39And I've also know that eternity is so long that we're just here for a flicker. It's a speck of sand in eternity. And so the pain we suffer right now from the loss of this child is one thing. But I actually had this dream. And my dad said to me, he goes, you know, right, I really do miss my grandkids. kids. So it's, it's so beautiful and wonderful to have this one with me. And so, yeah, I know. And I haven't told my family member that yet. Cause I'm not, they're not ready to hear that, but it was emotional. My dad was emotional. I could see him holding Cassius. I could see him holding him. And, um, I thought, yeah, we're all suffering right now, but Cassius isn't and dads, they're celebrating they're they're together and in a flicker we'll be with them but it was just a little bit of a reframe you know and uh um not anything i was trying to have it was like a gift that was sent to me so if you're going through that type of a trauma you know who are you honoring and if someone's really hurt you in your life or you've lost a job unfairly or someone's left you or cheated you know at some point you got to honor who you are and when you're ready to that do it And it, it may not be this second, but it's coming and it needs to come to honor you or honor them.

22:55Doubts the killer of more dreams than anything. I really believe that. And when something like this happens, it can cause you to doubt your faith. So really hardship and doubt can be connected in many ways. You know, like, you know, you miss a sales call. That's a hardship. And all of a sudden it causes you to doubt your ability to close anymore. Or if you give a speech, that's not so good. And that's a hardship. Now you're doubting yourself, or we've talked about this on the last podcast. You miss a putt that's important to you in a sport. And all of a sudden now you doubt whether you can do it.

23:25Sometimes doubt are born out of, we don't even know where they're born of. They're just there. I think it would surprise people that someone is polished and is smart. Brendan, by the way, you guys is not only a really great human, he won't tell you this, but he's a very smart person. He's got a very high IQ and he also works on his intellect. He's a very well-read guy. So I'm going to give you the floor on this one. Do you suffer with it? And what do you do? And then the other thing is, I think you should share what you and I talk about, which you educate me on, which is that, hey, this AI thing people need to know.

24:00So I'll give you the floor on that because this is we're talking about it off camera. Like this needs to be his. He needs to run with this one. All right. Well, thank you, brother. I think that doubt is a little bit like pain we were just talking about, which is it's not always going to end when you want it to end. But the thing about doubt is you are the one perpetuating that. And so my first rule for people is to realize don't wait for doubt to end before you get back in the ring. If you wait until the doubt ends to start the thing, you'll never start the thing or you'll start the thing. The doubt will shock you and you'll stop the thing.

24:36So doubt is a signal to learn and to adjust, not to stop If you stop because of doubt, you're guaranteeing your life being sub, you know, your actual potential or standard If you take doubt as a, oh, maybe I should reflect on that, maybe I should think about that Maybe I should develop competency through that so I have a little more confidence You know, let me develop, let me get a little better, I'll be less doubtful That's okay, that's okay, but don't stop at it Also, usually people don't stop at the doubt. There's one level down from doubt that usually is the killer of the dreams. It's called discouragement.

25:12It's a type of doubt. But when I become discouraged, I've lost that encouraged courage. And now I will get down, not just, I won't just doubt the thing. I will be so discouraged that I won't even try anything new. because sometimes I can doubt this and let me move over here. Right. Let me try another. Let me try another approach. But for most people, when they get discouraged, they stop all approaches. That's the lay in bed all day day. That's that doubt didn't put you in bed all day. Discouragement put you in bed all day. And so learn when you're speaking to yourself at an extreme, an extreme of doubt is the discouragement that nothing is going to work.

25:53And I am totally wrong. It's your enlarging doubt into like catastrophe and shame in such a way all progress in any direction stops. And so that's the one that usually kills the dream. I might doubt the strategy, but I could try this strategy. But if I'm discouraged out of courage, I won't try any strategy. So I'd start that with just as a distinction for people. You know what thing it would surprise people about maybe you or I. And I think since we're being really vulnerable, maybe more than ever today or one of them is, um, in my own life, you know, I'm 55 next year, some good stuff's happened, you know, like a lot of, a lot of blessings in my life, financially friends, you know, contribution.

26:38The fact that people are listening to you and I right now by the millions is just mind blowing. Right. And I think a lot of people go, Hey, at some point I become insulated from doubt or discouragement. Like I'll just get to a point where it's not there anymore. And you know this because you have friends at the top of different industries. Behind the scenes, the people at the very top still suffer with doubt. What's been surprised in my own life and discouragement, by the way. And I believe doubt and discouragement is from the enemy. I don't know anything from God would cause you to doubt because he made you in his image and likeness.

27:10And when you've had the courage from you removed, that's the enemy attacking you. And I believe that the antithesis of that is faith in God. and but i have to tell you something in my own case i'm surprised to this day by the fragility of my confidence yes how easily even now at this stage in my life and i think this would be good for people to know that i can move into doubt with just a little bit of setback just a little bit of something new um you know if i had an experience recently that you know about where someone took advantage of me financially and they scammed me and it immediately that one incident has caused me to doubt my ability to read people like it was that fragile it didn't take 11 incidences it took one so 35 years of personal development reading people all this stuff and I shared with you and recently we were on stage together and I literally told the audience I'm like, Ed's superpower is better than any other coach I've ever worked with.

28:13His ability to read somebody in an instant, I've never seen it in my entire life. And so they would be shocked because I told the entire audience, I'm like, this is his thing. But you have doubt in it, which is amazing to share. I do. And I am also cognizant of the fact that it is a strength of mine. But I think we think we're going to get to a point where this is like, or the fact that I'm suffering from doubt makes me sub another person. or I'm less than, or I'm not yet ready. And to your point is, it's been my ability to take action during the presence of doubt that has separated me, not the absence of it.