In short
Pete Holmes discusses how to laugh and grow without regret, using stand-up as a framework for motivation, presence, belief, and “benevolent manipulation” of audience energy.
Guest backgrounds
Pete Holmes (Boston-area comedian; host of the long-running podcast “You Made It Weird”) is known for stand-up that blends humor with depth and spirituality. He emphasizes studying comedy structure early (beginning/middle/end, callbacks) and measuring progress by being among the best at awful open mics.
Key claims
Don’t compare your chapter one to others’ later success; aim to be “top three best awful.” Success comes from doing what energizes you. Wanting people to like you can be a survival technique. Comedy is intentionally managing audience chemistry—“queuing” laughter and using cues like mic movement. Repetition fatigues jokes; keep bits fresh by changing order and staying connected. Faith is framed as shared mystery: “God or nothing,” where “nothing” can’t create everything.
Notable examples
Comedy Connection (Faneuil Hall) lesson; Chappelle-style mic cues; a San Francisco incident where he accidentally said a word sounding like “bike”; “boysenberries” joke drying up if repeated; reading “The Babysitter’s Club” as a presence practice.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOThe Boston Comedy Scene
2:41 to 4:28
Pete discusses the unique cultural influences of Boston on stand-up comedy.
“let's just cut right now we can end it we could he has his own podcast it's called you make it weird, right?”
Early Stand-Up Experiences
4:28 to 6:40
Pete reflects on his early days in stand-up and how he measured success.
“And I think he thinks, I hope, he's a Boston dad, so I can't know for sure.”
Finding Your Lane in Comedy
6:40 to 8:17
The hosts discuss the importance of discovering one's passion in the world of stand-up.
“I remember at an open mic at the Comedy Connection in Faneuil Hall, the host went up and I didn't do very well.”
The Importance of Audience Connection
8:17 to 12:21
Pete shares how understanding audience perception impacts performance.
“Well, the tricky thing with standup, not so much when I was starting, but when people tell me they want to be standups now, I'm like, are you sure?”
Crafting Comedy: Authenticity vs. Performance
12:21 to 14:01
Exploration of the balance between authenticity and performance in comedy.
“And I've been thinking about you like, because how, how is what you're good at doing translate to someone listening to this today?”
The Art of Manipulation in Comedy
14:01 to 16:40
Explore how comedians use cues and manipulation to engage audiences.
“I want you to finally put all that down and feel like you're six years old again and you're getting tickled.”
Perfecting the Performance: The Craft of Comedy
18:46 to 22:38
Understand the dedication comedians apply to refine their acts.
“not even conscious of this when they're watching a special or they're just going to a club you're up there when you by the time you get to your special you have been telling most of those jokes for a year.”
Living in the Moment: Lessons from Comedy
22:39 to 28:00
Learn the importance of being present and engaged in every moment.
“So how do you not, the whole job is to go out.”
Navigating Life's Suffering
28:00 to 28:20
Explore the importance of being present in the moment despite life's challenges.
“like all suffering is going when i'm done with this i can watch task with my wife well you're doing this right now, dipshit.”
Witness to the Moment
28:20 to 29:00
Learn how to appreciate and witness the current moment instead of constantly chasing the next.
“Now, and now I'm in the Hyatt or whatever it is.”
Show all 29 chapters
Faith and Spirituality
29:00 to 30:40
Delve into the concept of faith, spirituality, and the dichotomy of belief versus nothingness.
“A lot of people on stage are, and I'm like super introverted.”
God or Nothing
30:40 to 32:20
Discover the transformative idea that we either come from God or nothing, and what that means for our beliefs.
“And like, whatever your faith belief is specifically, you guys all know that I'm a Christian, but like set that aside just for a second, like just belief in something greater than oneself, right?”
The Nature of God
32:20 to 33:50
Understand the perspective of God as a metaphor for a mystery beyond our understanding.
“So something that we can't find existed and spontaneously erupted into everything.”
Self-Reflection and Awareness
33:50 to 35:00
Engage with the practice of self-reflection and awareness in understanding personal beliefs.
“And it actually makes me actually really emotional.”
The Art of Connection
36:04 to 39:40
Explore the importance of connection and authenticity in performance and communication.
“but like how do you, do you spend a lot of time on that?”
Vulnerability in Leadership
39:40 to 42:00
Discuss the need for vulnerability and authenticity in leadership roles within society.
“Because when you laugh, you're not really there.”
The Sociopathic Nature of Politics
42:00 to 43:13
Explore how politicians often behave like brands, sacrificing authenticity for votes.
“politicians become like corporate logos or something.”
Competition and Friendship in Comedy
43:13 to 44:34
Discuss the competitive nature of comedy and how friendships can be influenced by success.
“I'll even catch flack from people from today where I said sometimes I question what I believe.”
Navigating Success and Jealousy
44:34 to 46:48
Understand how to deal with jealousy in the competitive landscape of comedy.
“as great and i'd love to fill up an arena at same time so are you what do you do you find yourself a little bit too competitive?”
The Importance of Gratitude and Perspective
46:48 to 48:56
Learn how practicing gratitude can reshape your perspective on success and peers.
“Like sometimes literally in my imagination, sitting that person down and being like, that's not what's happening.”
Evaluating Trade-offs in Climbing Success
48:56 to 51:17
Discuss how to assess the trade-offs of pursuing success in comedy and life.
“And maybe you couldn't maintain that level of notoriety forever and stuff.”
Finding Balance in Life and Career
51:17 to 54:04
Explore strategies for achieving a balance between personal life and career ambitions.
“who's telling you make hay while the sun's out the people that get 10 of your hay that's right So my wife and I have, we've covered a lot of mantras here.”
Adjusting Dreams and Personal Satisfaction
54:04 to 55:56
Learn about the importance of evolving your dreams and the courage it takes to prioritize personal satisfaction.
“You want to be able to sit on the beach.”
Reflections on Life and Legacy
56:00 to 57:01
Exploration of what truly matters in life when faced with mortality.
The Value of Relationships Over Accolades
57:01 to 58:40
Discussing the importance of relationships and experiences over material possessions.
“And then my dad's awards of his life, like golf tournaments he won or business awards or whatever, they were in the room my dad died in.”
Finding Joy in Unexpected Places
58:40 to 1:00:42
How doing things for others often brings unexpected joy to ourselves.
“I've always wanted to have a term for this.”
Awareness and Consciousness in Daily Life
1:00:42 to 1:02:20
Discussing the importance of being present and aware in our everyday lives.
“that is to sometimes directly ask them about the nature of their reality, what this is.”
The Depth of Humor and Insight
1:02:20 to 1:03:02
Understanding how humor can convey deep insights and awaken consciousness.
“Remember when I introduced him, I told you that there was a depth there.”
Promoting Pete Holmes' Work
1:03:02 to 1:04:03
Discussion about Pete Holmes' upcoming projects and how to follow him.
“And then you'll get a joke like, do you ever have to poop so bad you pee second?”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00So, hey guys, I'm calling on all my friends here in the audience for a little bit of help. We're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm slash mylett. And we want to hear from you so we can make things here even a better experience for you and create content that you want. You know, we all know this. There's ads on our show, right? So we want to improve the experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you. So my friends in the audience, we want to improve that experience. So please help us. The survey is quick, easy, and it's a free way to support the show. If you'll take two minutes, you'll be helping us out so much by doing this.
0:33So go to gum.fm.mylett to fill out our audience survey. That's gum.fm.mylett, M-Y-L-E-T-T.
0:46So hey, guys, I'm calling on all my friends here in the audience for a little bit of help. We're conducting an audience survey at gum.fm.mylett. And we want to hear from you so we can make things here even a better experience for you, and create content that you want. You know, we all know this. There's ads on our show, right? So we want to improve the experience. But in order to do that, we need to know a little bit more about you. So my friends in the audience, we want to improve that experience. So please help us. The survey is quick, easy, and it's a free way to support the show. If you'll take two minutes, you'll be helping us out so much by doing this.
1:18So go to gum.fm slash mylet to fill out our audience survey. That's gum.fm slash mylet, M-Y-L-E-T-T.
1:36welcome back to the show everybody so truth be told i sought this man out to come on um i one i think he's one of the funniest human beings in the world but i also just think there's something underlying his work that um he's like a compelling interesting figure to me and i find myself, I frankly use the show sort of sometimes as a magnet, I wanted to meet him and I wanted to know him. And I was telling him off camera, some of my really good friends that are in his industry in the standup comedy world, name him as the guy they think is just hilarious and funny and talented. But there's some depth to him that you don't get in just your average everyday guest.
2:19He's a unique man. I can't wait to kind of dig into who he is and what he's all about. um you know you probably know him you'll recognize his voice and if you're on youtube you'll see his face he is peter benedict great middle name by the way yeah it is serious he's also a boston boy like me originally and um i think he's one of the funniest humans in the world so welcome to the
2:40Pete Holmes:show pete holmes thank you very much what a nice i've i i'm already glad that we did this yeah let's just cut right now we can end it we could he has his own podcast it's called you make it weird, right? It's just been made it weird past. Yeah, but yeah, it's been around forever. You guys, it's like after his TV show, I wanted to ask you, why are so many standups from Boston? I mean, that's a great question. I, it's not to be too much of a cliche, but I think there's something about, I don't want to put it down, but there's something a little repressed about Boston, meaning it's, you know, remember Gary Goldman had this great line where if you drank sprite in Boston you were that was considered effeminate you know what I mean there's so there's something kind of like oh I grew up in this pressure cooker of like toughness and uh and kind of again I don't want to put it down I really love Boston but like knuckleheads I'll say knuckleheads toughness and uh intense liberalism and intense geniuses so like MIT, but also like the diehard Red Sox fan, fuck you and all that sort of stuff.
3:52Pete Holmes:And Harvard and roads made for horses in the snow. And like my father and my mother's from Lithuania, but she's from South Boston. And my father's from like Somerville. So they were from like real, I say with respect, like real Boston. Like they knew all these connected people and all this like dangerous stuff. and I grew up in Lexington. So there's something about the first generation that gets to safely express themselves in a place that doesn't really celebrate expressing yourself. You know what I mean? I do know exactly. I'm like the first dog that escaped the porch, you know, and I ran real fast and I sometimes catch my dad, I think having warm like pride that like he provided a life for me that I was safe to tell people about my insecurities or my fears or whatever it was.
4:48Pete Holmes:And he never really got to have that. And I think he thinks, I hope, he's a Boston dad, so I can't know for sure. But I think he thinks it's pretty cool that I've gone the other way and that I had a cozy enough or a safe enough of a life to be like, you know, he must look at my stand-up like, what are you doing? You know, like, why are you admitting that? You or whatever it might be. No, man, I totally relate to that. That sounds exactly like my dad, like 100%. So I want to ask you, like I do watch you on stage and I speak for a living, but what I want to make today is like lessons of success.
5:23We're going to talk a little bit about God, you guys, but lessons of winning. I'm just curious. Some of the people in stand-up I've had on, I've asked, were you funny originally and were you good originally? And they're like, no, it took me forever, I bombed. In your case, were you good like right out of the gate on stage in stand-up? and it's okay if you were. Some people try to make it like, oh, I was terrible. Great were you?
5:45Pete Holmes:You know, the classic is that Chappelle was good the first time he went up. You know, it's interesting. I really like, I hope you don't mind the term self-help. I think motivation is very interesting. And I read a lot of that stuff and grew up and changed my life. So I hope I'm not, it doesn't sound pandering if I speak in these terms, but it's true. I would gauge my success based on my environment. So I wasn't measuring myself against Jerry Seinfeld or, you know, the greats, like the people that were huge. I just wanted to be one of the better people at the open mic. And I didn't do that consciously.
6:20Pete Holmes:I just, I knew it would overwhelm me if I was like, am I great? You know, I'm talking about when I really first started, I just was like, was I in the top five of this awful open mic? So that I will say, pretty much from the beginning. Even though I wasn't very good, I was pretty conscientious. I would write. I would have like a theme. I remember at an open mic at the Comedy Connection in Faneuil Hall, the host went up and I didn't do very well. It was probably the second or third time I went up. But my parents were there and they remember this too. He got up on stage, this real pro, you know, he'd been doing it 20 years and he goes like, that's how you do it.
6:59Pete Holmes:He goes, beginning, middle and end. he was talking about something like I was I was a student of it I studied like oh a lot of these things end with I didn't know it was called a callback but you call something back something you establish at the beginning it's a good way to cue to the audience that you're done and you go and I look at him and it's it's the clown from before or whatever it is yeah yeah so I did that I did it kind of like conscientiously and I I feel like even in those early shows I was like at my level at the amateur level, I was in the top three consistently. And that's what I tell people when I start.
7:36Pete Holmes:I go, don't measure yourself against Bill Burr. Go to an open mic. You'll laugh. You'll be like, look, it just is awful at the beginning. We're not throwing shade on. We're just all awful. So go and just see if you can be one of the three best awful people. And that's a good, I do feel like I was, you know, in that top three at most open mics. That's probably good advice for anything. Yeah, right? Like, whatever your stage is, don't compare your chapter one to chapter nine of someone else. Same time. It'll paralyze you. You think you should show some proclivity to being decent at something in the beginning?
8:15Like, maybe that's a sign. Like, hey, this might be your lane. You know what I mean?
8:19Pete Holmes:Well, the tricky thing with standup, not so much when I was starting, but when people tell me they want to be standups now, I'm like, are you sure? Because a lot of times I think you're saying I want to be rich and I want to be famous because standup is culturally relevant right now. believe it or not when i started in 2000 2001 it wasn't as relevant it was still kind of like a fringe activity not entirely but it wasn't they didn't have as many stand-ups like hosting snl it wasn't we weren't selling out madison square garden i just mean my people we weren't selling out madison square garden so like you really got to get clarity on is it what you want or are you just a guy who lives in cooperstown new york and you think you want to be a baseball player you know what I mean?
8:59Pete Holmes:Like, just because it's what's around. But if you go, and you're good, that's a real and how it feels to do good. That's really the big clue is I would do good. And I would feel I've never done cocaine, but it's got to be what it is. I would I would feel elated, like this vibrating, buzzing, euphoria, and excitement, like, and I would get up excited to keep doing it. You You know, that's not to say there wasn't a lot of fear. There was a lot of fear. There's a lot of dry heaving. There was a lot of anxiety. There were a lot of ruined birthdays and holidays because I had a show booked two weeks in the future and I just couldn't relax because I wasn't good.
9:38Pete Holmes:It's hard to know you're going to get your ass kicked in two weeks. It's a really good point, though, because I was thinking, like, there are things I've been pretty good at. There's a million things I'm not good at, but there's been some things I'm pretty good at that it didn't juice me when I was good at it. Yeah, yeah, I feel that. But like for me, like on stage speaking like big arenas or big crowds or whatever, or just like this, like human connection stuff sort of like really impacts me. One of the things that held me back, I'm just curious because I've watched you. I think one of the reasons you're kind of compelling to me is like, and just haven't met you even off camera for a few minutes, I can tell I think I'm right.
10:14Like you're a nice guy. And what I mean by that is like some of my friends that do what you do are like, I don't give a crap what anybody thinks. there's a there's a hard edge to them almost i'm wondering do you do you care a lot of what people think about you and did that hurt you in any way or help you like in progress on stage like in the beginning were you evaluating too much how am i doing do they like me and does that still affect
10:40Pete Holmes:you to this day less but i actually think at the beginning that's a good wound to have it is a wound wanting people to like you. It's also a type of, it can be narcissistic to want everyone to like you. It's just another way of controlling people. But if that was a survival technique, as it was for me, that doesn't mean it's all bad or anything. I just learned I can be safe if I make everybody happy. And if I make everybody kind of think I'm the golden boy, that is really good when you're starting. I'll speak for myself. That was really good for me. Because when I tell people when they're doing stand-up, I just say, you know, when would you laugh?
11:16Pete Holmes:Just put yourself in the audience and when would you laugh? That's a hard question because sometimes you just go, oh no, you realize you wouldn't like you either. But like you're in the business of trying to kind of like inception, get inside somebody and change their chemistry. It's a good thing to be really compelled with what people think about you. And a lot of times when I watch stand-ups, I'm just like, you got to make these choices. Am I going to go with what you think I am? Am I going to go against what you think I am? But either one of those choices, you know, the prerequisite is to know how people receive you and then you can make these choices.
11:54Pete Holmes:But if you don't know who you are and if you don't know how they probably feel about you, you're kind of lost. You're in a sandstorm. So I think that's a good compulsion to have is to want, maybe the same could be true if you want people to not like you they're those provocateurs that like that sort of stuff but both people it's just both ends of the same spectrum i'm interested in how people feel i care about how they feel and i'd like to be in charge of how they feel that's oh there you go yeah right yeah that's different and i i'm noticing this now this is gonna sound everybody like i'm looking way too close but like most of my forget stand up for a second but just my friends but stand-ups in particular, I'll text them during their special and go, Oh, you used silence really well right there or whatever.
12:39I'm looking at every little subtlety. And I've been thinking about you like, because how, how is what you're good at doing translate to someone listening to this today? Right. And so I watch your comedy, you're hilarious, you're deep, but I'm going to tell you, there's a little thing you do. I don't know if you know you're doing it or not. you sometimes laugh at your own jokes before you've said the punchline yeah and you smile a lot on stage not everybody does that I think the best sales people that I I was going to make the same point were you yeah do you know purpose is it who you are because like the people I trust the most that are trying to sell me something I see them warm and smiling and I'm almost I'm almost smiling back and nodding at them before they've even asked me for whatever the order is.
13:29Yeah. Yeah. Is that pretty your comedy or is it just like who you are on stage?
13:33Pete Holmes:No, no. Well, I think it is who I am, but that doesn't mean it's authentic. Like if people said, I'll give you$10 million, don't laugh during your set. Of course I could not laugh. You know what I mean? And of course there are shows that I'm doing that I don't feel like laughing. Often a special taping is one of those times. Like you're not really feeling super chill, but you're trying to mimic the whole thing is trying to lean towards an aspect of you that is naturally occurring but might not be the majority shareholder of your personality at that moment but i'm trying to i'm trying to control how they feel i'm trying to control how i feel and it's a benevolent manipulation usually manipulation sounds bad right but if i want you to come to my show and every a lot of statements i know feel this way i want you to go on vacation I want all your problems to be way, way, way far away.
14:28Pete Holmes:I want you to finally put all that down and feel like you're six years old again and you're getting tickled. I want you to be joyful and light. I'm going to use every tool I have. Are some of them less than 100 % authentic? You're goddamn right. This is the hardest thing in the world, in my opinion, to make people laugh for an hour, an hour and 15 minutes. It's really hard. It's energetically draining. It's mentally demanding. So Chappelle, I learned that. I wouldn't say I ripped it from Chappelle, but, you know, steal from the best. He does that thing where he hits the mic on me. Yes. Yeah. I move the mic away from my face.
15:11Pete Holmes:That's a way of cuing to them. Because my wife told me, she's like, people want to laugh, but sometimes they're worried they're going to miss something. So you move the mic away to say, I'm not talking right now. And then the laughing or the smiling is another way to indicate that. Like I'm showing you the sheet music, my part, my part, your part, your part. You're not just laughing when the chemical happens. You're laughing when the chemical happens and you feel like it's appropriate in the show to laugh. You're looking for your cue. And that's why Chappelle cues people. That's why I'm cuing people.
15:48Pete Holmes:And it's funny. I remember reading something about salesmen that they would nod their heads. Someone would open the door and they'd already be subtly nodding their head. So when they say, like, do you have a moment to talk to us today? The person would be more inclined to say yes. Now, that's manipulation. Comedy, entertainment, storytelling, music, sales, teaching. It's all manipulation. I'm manipulating you. You're manipulating me. Well, you know, I don't mean it in a bad way. We're queuing each other. That's what a good conversation like this is. The tone of my voice is telling you, and now I'm winding down.
16:28Pete Holmes:That's a manipulation. And now I'm done. See, now it's your turn. Aren't I queuing you well, Ed? You were queuing me perfectly. And that's what you're doing. Yes, Peter Benedict. Very well done. Whether you're a founder, a CEO, or an HR leader, building a global team usually means deciding to set up a local entity or not. And that's exactly why Pebble is here. So you don't have to. Hire the world instantly. So let me ask you a question. Are you hiring in another country right now? Because once you do, things can get complicated very quickly. By the way, I know this because we're doing it in a couple of my companies.
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19:02Yeah. Over and over. You're working out the bit, the sequence, the line, the tonality, the pacing, all of it. But what you have to do is tell it like you've never told it before, like it's the first time. And I don't think most people that are watching stand up appreciate that skill set. And here's why I ask it. I think like as a dad or like as a salesperson or a leader in a company, it's the 19th time you've covered your core values or your mission or your pitch. And what happens to most people is they fatigue on saying it. And it sounds like you've said it before, rather than being the only time you've ever said that line, the only time you've asked for that close, the only time you've sold the vision of the company to somebody.
19:46Pete Holmes:Yeah, you do that. First, that is right, right? You've had that bit a year. You've been sitting on that bit for a while. Yeah, no, that's a great insight. Really. I'm thrilled with that question, because it's underreported. And I think every comedian is different. um when i was starting everybody was like you got to perform every night and i think at the beginning i did after perform every night it was about reps it was just about muscle memory it was just about doing it and then at a certain point i don't even know what it was it might have been 15 years and 10 years in i don't know around there i started going like i'm a fatigue guy like if i tell the joke too many times it'll die it like it literally will stop working because it turns out, talk about how you're coming off, the joke is how you feel about it.
20:33Pete Holmes:And you lost the feeling. So I'm getting mad about trumpets or whatever, or electric eels. Like I have all these silly jokes where the joke is that I'm using the tonality of Bill Burr who might be ranting against politics or something. I'm using that to talk about that there's a berry called boysenberries. Like that's the joke. If I do boysenberries too many times, it'll dry up it's i say it on stage i'm talking to myself on stage all the time i go i don't want this to feel like a job so when i start i usually do grab ass riffing doing a bit i wasn't planning on doing uh all in the first 15 20 minutes and if it doesn't work in quotes meaning it doesn't get like a smashing laugh i'll straight up tell them guys this is an excuse to hang out like you're waiting for the hot joke.
21:26Pete Holmes:You're waiting for the big line. It's this. I go, this is your life. That sounds like your lane, doesn't it? Because this is your life. Yes. Be here. Join me now. You're in this crowd. You'll never be in this crowd again. Look at the person next to you and go goodbye forever. This is it. And it's establishing, again, a benevolent authority. I'm saying, I'm not here to ask you if these jokes are funny. I'm going to assume the position of someone who's going to be the authority on what's funny for your sake. It's like, I'm going to land the plane. I know Bill Cosby is a troubling person. He had that line where he said, the pilot can't get on the PA and say, I'm going to try to land the plane.
22:06Pete Holmes:You say, I'm going to land the plane. Or you actually say even better, we're going to be touching down at 1115. Like that's, that's how sure I am. And that's what I'm doing. So even if a joke doesn't work, you demonstrate right? You're calm, right? I'll give you an example. I was just in San Francisco and I was trying to say the word bike, but I said, there's a racial slur that sounds like bike. And I actually said that word. And the whole play is straight. I'm not an alpha in most of my life, straight alpha dog. I don't give, I don't give a s**t. No one here thinks I said that. I didn't even get worked up i was just like oh did i say it and like i just kind of moved through it because they're taking your cue now this was san francisco it's a very with it place we don't want i don't want words like that either of course i'm just saying yeah they're looking to you am i sweating am i nerve am i am i apologizing or am i going shut the f**k up i made it you know and and they go oh my wife was in the crowd she's like everyone's like thank god this guy's landing the plane now And let me answer your question better because, sorry, a lot of talking.
23:13Pete Holmes:It's great. It's a really good area, right? So how do you not, the whole job is to go out. I have a mantra I go, they haven't heard it before. I have two mantras. One is it's not about the words. It's about the connection. It's about the space between the words. And they haven't heard it before. That usually means slow down and trust yourself. You thought this was funny. Give them a chance. They haven't heard it before. but the the key is you want to be uh i believe this is louis ck said this like the right side of the brain dictates the left side of the brain communicates if i catch myself doing the album that means orating the bit i'll stop i'll stop it and it up on purpose or change it or bring someone into it or say like i'm sorry this sucks like you want to nudge yourself into the part that's communicating the joke.
24:09Pete Holmes:So another way to do that that's less disruptive than stopping or less jarring, say it in a way you haven't said it before. Say it in a crazy way. And now you have to defend this weird, you said, dogs are f*** it, whatever it is. It doesn't have to be a hot take. And then the other key, I learned this from my friend Isaac Witte when I was opening for him. He was like, go out of order. So there's nothing better to keep you in the communication side of your brain. there's nothing better to keep you vital and fresh than to go i always open with this guess what we're not even going to do it tonight let's open with the middle let's close with the beginning let's drop that let's open mic it here because sometimes what they need is the energy of you trying something that's not quite done maybe they don't want home run derby maybe they want to see you gary shandling had this great line they go no one cares what elvis plays they want to see elvis so just be elvis don't be like oh and then i gotta do uh fool's rush in and then i gotta do blue christmas like get the f*** out of here be elvis right that's how you stop from you guys i hope you're all listening to this the way that i do like i'm thinking about stand up but i'm thinking about like me as a dad for the nine millionth time telling my kids to be smart changing up the sequence not like it's i just be smart you know like i you know yeah as a leader or a salesperson that it doesn't sound like you've done it a bunch of times.
25:34It's so interesting you just said this. I gave a talk yesterday, and it was a much smaller venue than I'm used to, you know, and it was, like, going to be awkward. It almost, like, took me back to, like, my beginning of speaking. It was at, like, an okay hotel with, like, a handheld mic and, like, you know, it wasn't a big arena or whatever. And I was worried I was going to mail it in. like a lot of you mail in your Monday morning sales meeting with your team or your board meeting or whatever I thought I'm a mail and so I did exactly what you said I there's certain things I'm going to get to but I took some risks I know I got risk up that's going to work anyway get your heart going it's scary do it scary change the sequence up and I kind of like made fun of myself with it I had fun with I think and the other thing you said that I just want to make sure I highlight everybody is assume the position of the authority yeah for them for them them right it's a kindness it's a kindness yeah it's that was bro it puts everybody at ease but you know it's funny so i
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26:34Pete Holmes:have i have a seven-year-old if you catch me looking i'm just making sure she's not coming in sometimes i'll be reading to her or something and i'm like i catch myself doing the same thing this isn't a stand-up thing what i'll i go like i'll be reading we're reading the babysitter's club there's a graphic novel it's quite good that's why I mention it in case people are looking for something for a seven-year-old but sometimes I get overwhelmed like these chapters are long sometimes and and the reading timer goes off but it's like when I'm one page into the next chapter so we have to finish it and I'll catch myself just being like I just want to be done and it's just that moment of consciousness just that moment of awareness like you had in the small hotel where you go like, wait, I'm stuck.
27:17I'm trying to be done snuggling with my daughter, reading her a
27:22Pete Holmes:book. She's going to be 16 and won't want, maybe won't want to hang out with me. Like it's like snap out of it, become aware. And I'll say to myself, sometimes my eyes, it's literally just my eyes are tired. And I just go just this page, just this frame, just this. And I'll look at my girl. She must think I'm, I don't know, she she's used to it. So she's probably not thinking I'm crazy but i'll look at her and i'll whisper and i'll be like or something like that just something to slap me out of it i'm dragging ass through the babysitter's club and it's not because oh i should be it's like no this is my life too this is oh this isn't this isn't the path you ever do that like all suffering is going when i'm done with this i can watch task with my wife well you're doing this right now, dipshit.
28:13Pete Holmes:So do it. You're in this shitty hotel right now. So do it. And by the way, couldn't relate harder. I, my career is littered with gigs where you're just like, I was just a radio city. You know what I mean? Now, and now I'm in the Hyatt or whatever it is. Yes. And there's a Zachary totally quote where he says, how you feel right now is how you feel about your life. This is your life. It's not looking back or looking forward. It's just this. and that is really it can be it can make me go like okay so let's enjoy this let's enjoy this just this page of the babysitter's I am uh so with you bro I think a lot of people that achieve like I've I've been addicted to the next moment all of my life not the one I'm in I'm gonna do the next one let me get through this one and then I'm gonna get to that one and it's something I really a little thing I've been doing lately I just said this like an hour ago to somebody I was like I become more of like a witness to myself and I become more like a witness to the moment but it kind of snaps me into awareness like I want to witness this moment and for some reason with me that term that way of thinking like causes me to be present by the way I I also was thinking the other day about like I had a good friend come down spent the last couple days with me we're playing some golf and I'm like all my friends fit a certain profile they're very different than me I'm actually really introverted.
29:31Me too. Are you really? Really? It's interesting. A lot of people on stage are, and I'm like super introverted. So I have a lot of like very charismatic, very extroverted, very life of the party friends, which makes all the lifting very easy on me, right? I can kind of be, they all like, they're very similar. But the other thing that they all do is they're, I like them because they're fully present with me. I have a presence about them. all of my really close friends do that I lacked when I was young with people that like, it's the thing I cherish the most in other people. All right. I got to ask, I've been dying to ask you this.
30:06So for your specific faith beliefs, it's no one's business. Although I know that you have it. I've read about you that like, you thought when you were young, you might be a youth pastor blows my way if that's accurate, but you have this thing you do, bro. I know, you know what I'm going to ask you. But it like, I've watched it probably 50 times. It probably sent it no exaggeration, no exaggeration to probably 300 people over the last year. Wow. And it's this notion of, you know what I'm going to ask you. So what do we come from? Right?
30:41Pete Holmes:God or nothing. We come from God or nothing. And like, whatever your faith belief is specifically, you guys all know that I'm a Christian, but like set that aside just for a second, like just belief in something greater than oneself, right? Like, would you explain that concept, like take them through this God or nothing thing? Cause it's like unreal. Yeah. Well, it's actually the spirit with which I wrote that joke was to say, we're all in the same boat. I was like, we all, we think it's like one side atheists and one side theists, right? I have issues with both sides. Way more often I'll meet an atheist.
31:18Pete Holmes:I don't want to say more often. I'm just saying very often I'll meet an atheist and I'll find a way into talking about spirituality that we vibe with. A lot of times the people that I'll bump up against are people that are really much more rigid in their beliefs. That's going to be a religious person. So I am not on one of these sides. I'm just saying we're on the same side it's all it's all the same choice you either think god created the universe or you think nothing created the universe but what are we really talking about it's in both cases it's something you can't see touch taste photograph and science can't prove right and the part i'm going a little out of order i haven't done this joke in a while the part that people make fun of the the nothing people make fun of the god people and they say god doesn't exist and i'm like sure but you know what definitely doesn't exist is nothing.
32:08Pete Holmes:Like that's the defining characteristic of nothing. Like, can we please just look at this idea that nothing, nothing, which we can't even find in the universe, erupted into everything. So something that we can't find existed and spontaneously erupted into everything. That's a magical nothing. That's incredible. And the real, the real like thing that made me feel like I was on to something. I go, ask the nothing people what happens when you die. They'll tell you nothing. You go into nothing. And I go, you mean you merge back with your creator? I go, that's heaven, bitch, is what I say. So, but what you see, what I'm trying to do there is I go, same side, same side.
32:55Pete Holmes:Something unknown is doing something we know not what, right? We don't know what it is. And my God is no thing. It's not a thing. It's not an object. The God, and I like the word God because it's a good place. I say God is the name of the blanket. We put over the mystery to give it a shape. That's what Barry Taylor from ACDC said. And I joke, why didn't I learn that in church? Why am I learning this from Barry Taylor, the road manager for ACDC, who I've met actually. Turns out he's a mystic. He's a groovy guy. but so god is i like the word god that works for me it's easier than saying a metaphor for a mystery it it has more juice there's something about reclaiming it too that has a lot of power for me but um where was i do you spend a lot of time well you i like that i blanked i i i hope everyone replays that last thing it's the best bit for me in the last 20 years of comedy oh thank Thank you.
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36:03How much time do you spend, now we're being serious with one of the funniest people in the world, but like how do you, do you spend a lot of time on that? like I do like what do I really believe like uh uh when I mean when I say when I really believe like the depth of what I believe um getting clear on it strengthening it questioning it I like I like questioning what I believe like I it's like I'm I'm sort of weird and maybe I'm even morbid like I think a lot about death like it makes me feel more alive when I do it and that this thing I'm doing right now matters in this moment. You seem to me like you're real funny, but you seem like a pretty serious dude.
36:46Do you think about those things? Do you know what you believe or are you still working on what you believe?
36:51Pete Holmes:It's a little bit unfortunate that I feel like more and more I do feel like I can articulate what I believe. And what's unfortunate about that is I do try to maintain some, of course, I don't know. And we still have experiences and intuition that where like it's something I don't know. I don't think my mind can perfectly articulate it. It's like if I speak of it, I'm a fool. And if I'm silent, I'm a coward. So you're just like, I'm going to speak about it and it's not going to be right. In fact, one of the times I think I'm farthest from it, from the truth is sometimes when I'm talking about it.
37:28Pete Holmes:That's something that I've noticed. I know exactly what you mean. You know what I mean? So my hope, I'd say my practice, something that I'm trying to work on is people ask me about this and I'm like, is it possible to just keep one foot in the pool while I talk about it? It's really tricky because I go into my head and I start trying to lay out a metaphysical argument. But what I like to say in times like this or what I'm compelled to say now is I think God is awareness. I think there's only one awareness and I think that's what Jesus was pointing us to. And I think one of the points of life is to remember that we belong to each other and to help each other, as my homie Ram Dass said, walk each other home.
38:11Pete Holmes:Just because, not to be right conceptually, but to be rid of fear and to rid ourselves of hate and othering. I think that's why these things matter. Well, that's awesome. Do you ever pray, like before you go on stage, if you're scared or nervous? I say it's just us cats. I like to say that. Because in my belief, this is sort of like God's dream. That's one way I would quickly explain this. Like, we're all in the mind of God. So when I catch myself being nervous, it's because I'm believing that these things, these people in the audience are other than myself. But if I can own the idea that we're all the same thing, that there's nobody in the other boat, that it's just us cats, that helps me calm down.
39:05Pete Holmes:So that's not a prayer per se, but it's me trying to remember. I say this all the time, Ed, but maybe, maybe you'd like it in the prodigal son, right? All he does is remember that he's the man's father and there's nothing he could do to be less the man's son or more the man's son. So he's already the man's son. It's you. And I feel that way about all of us. We already belong to this one thing. So if I can go out and recognize, it's more like recognize that it's just us. It's just play. It's just a dance. It's just an excuse to hang out. It's just an excuse to love. It's just an excuse to remember.
39:43Pete Holmes:Because when you laugh, you're not really there. We're all kind of empty. So we can really have a good chance at merging together. That makes me less nervous. Wow, man. That's so good. I mean, you must experience that talking to thousands of people. Sometimes you've got that feeling like, oh, wow, we're all in the pocket together. Yeah. Well, I know this, the part that I definitely relate to is the part of if, and there are times where like I'm separate from them and I've made it about me. Like they think of me or how well I'm doing, or do they think I'm incredible? Or am I killing this right now yeah uh typically i suck uh but when i am connected with them um i feel like they feel that we're connected when i when i give that sense and when i don't i suck and so well that's that's wholeness right so holy is a derivative of of wholeness so the idea of wanting to be like a show being a holy thing is because you came in as Ed, you sat in an audience, you merged with a performer, it became a show, like we all became a show.
40:54Pete Holmes:Like that is dropping yourself off at the door. That's part of the fun of it. You know, you're just saying that I was thinking that's what a great leader does in a house in their home. That's what a great leader does in a business. I wish the leaders of either of the two parties did that politically anymore, like trying to make it us instead of them and me. And by the way, I think both parties do that. But I just, I also like, I like what you said earlier when you're on stage and you go, this isn't working. I would love one of our leaders at one point to go, hey, I screwed up. I know. I'm sorry.
41:30Pete Holmes:And we don't have an allowance for that. You know, it's not culturally we don't i have a friend so my friend who i used to go down you said you were in laguna i'd go and hang out with rob bell and he was a pastor and he's he's a great man i know who he is yeah yeah and i used to talk to him i was just like i just don't know why a pastor can't get up and be like i woke up and had a lot of doubt today yeah or i just i just don't believe it today i know i'm depressed i like they become like not everywhere but a lot of times pastors and politicians become like corporate logos or something. It's like your Mickey Mouse or your Coca-Cola.
42:09Pete Holmes:You have to be fizzy. You have to be bubbly. You have to be sweet. Like that's the job. And, and when I see a politician, like, remember when Howard Dean was like, yeah. And we were like, fuck this guy. Like that sucks. We're so binary. We're like, you're either cool or you're not. So they become the most like studied, it's almost sociopathic. Like they have to be like, everything they do. Hillary Clinton has hot sauce in her bag. Is anyone buying this? But that's just their job. I actually feel bad. Like it sucks that to get votes, you have to pretend you had Cholula in your bag. You look like saltines.
42:50Pete Holmes:You don't have Cholula in your bag. But that's what every politician, it seems, and every pastor has to play the part of a pastor. And it's like a 24-hour role. And that sucks. That's why I think it's really fun to be a comedian. And I feel free to say anything. And I think it makes it more interesting that I choose to be like, hey, let's talk about this. I don't have to. I do totally, too. I think it's gutsy. And it's interesting. I'll even catch flack from people from today where I said sometimes I question what I believe. to me, like even those of you that are deeply religious, like, well, if you have a relationship with someone or something, these relationships go through this.
43:30That's how they grow. We're questioning it. If there's never some strife, if there's never any doubt in your relationship, it doesn't grow any stronger. So anyway, I want to get completely deep, but I think it's actually a healthy thing to have that. The separate thing that I wanted to ask you earlier, because you said it earlier, and I'm really, I literally like, like dig in on this. you said when I was starting out was I like in the top three at the open mic night and then when I was in the clubs size clubs am I in the top three there or whatever how much of that is good and then when is it bad like do you you see Bill Burr blowing up or Sebastian blowing up it and even in life and business it's like people are really good friends with people and then it feels like until your success threatens them or people have this belief that like if if joe's doing really well in business he's taking part of the pie that i could have had i'm going to do less so they almost root against so how much of that like in your world like are you there's got to be a little bit of you that's competitive like hey i want to be regarded as great and i'd love to fill up an arena at same time so are you what do you do you find yourself a little bit too competitive?
44:43When should that stop? You get the question.
44:46Pete Holmes:Yeah. It's interesting. This has been coming up this week and other conversations as well, even admitting to you that when I was an open mic or that I wanted to be, let's, let's, you know, cut the crap. I wanted to be the best one. I didn't want to be in the top three. I wanted to be the best one. You know, and part of my strategy as a nice person and not meaning like I thought about it, but I wouldn't say something like that. But even that is to be like, I'm also going to be the nicest person here. I'm going to win that as well. So there's all sorts of competition going on. What came to mind is Neil Brennan is a dear friend of mine.
45:23Pete Holmes:And he had this, he's great. He had this great line where he's like, comedians aren't friends. It's a bar fight. And occasionally you're punching in the same direction as the guy next to you. And it gives the illusion that you're friends. And I'll say this. I left Los Angeles. I have a lot of friends now that aren't comedians. That's been really good for my heart, for lack of a better term. And I see that as really true. Like comedians, I think of us as pirates. Like we're always kind of like, where'd you get that gold? Where'd you get that chest? Where, where is that? Where are those seven seeds?
46:01Like it's never entirely chill.
46:06Pete Holmes:There's always going to be a little bit. And that's what we like about each other. We also relax around each other to mix metaphors. Again, we're a little bit like assassins and we hang out and we have our briefcases with our rifles and we wear black leather gloves. and it's nice to just not pretend that we're not assassins with each other. It doesn't necessarily lead to the richest inner life. I'll admit something that I'm not proud of. When I go on Netflix, it's really hard for me because I see every face is just somebody else that got another special or something. And I have a Netflix special.
46:39Pete Holmes:It's still, there's a part of me that is still fighting as if his life depends on it. And it takes a lot of conscious effort. Like sometimes literally in my imagination, sitting that person down and being like, that's not what's happening. That's not what's happening. You think like it's a depravity thing. You think this person got it. So you're not going to get it relax. And then, and then a very practical step is like, go to gratitude. I also just keep my head out of it. I'm not on social media. I'm not on, I don't even like going on Netflix. Like I'd rather just find what I want to watch and say it into the into the remote just kind of stay out of it so I can just be in my lane my family my job I want my act to be as good as possible I'll either sell it or I won't or figure it out put it here put it there just keep your eyes on your own paper do you think there's a point by the way same here I've gotten much better at that like I'm I actually feel genuine happiness when my peers are doing well now.
47:44That doesn't mean I don't want to be number one. But before I used to think, man, if they're doing well, maybe that means I'm not, you know, and I don't really have a lot of that anymore. I don't think.
47:54Pete Holmes:When I'm clear, I'll think something like, we were talking about Sebastian, Sebastian selling out arenas. I'm like, rising tide lifts all the boats. And that's true. I started doing colleges as a young man. That was the first thing I did. And I told this to Dane, Dane Cook. I was like, more people were at my show because of you, because you made comedy cool. So instead of being a hater, I call that comedy cancer. If you go around being like, this guy, that guy, this, that, that it's going to kill you. It's going to kill you. You need to make that little effort to go because these kids love Dane.
48:34Pete Holmes:They might see a comedy poster and go, I'll go see some guy I don't know. And they did. And now they might be my fan. That doesn't mean now I've won. It just means like it's good for all of us. Sebastian's good for all of us. Bill is good for all of us. milaney's good for all of us amy's good for all of us this is same team i like i try but it does take effort to go we're all in this together it's not me versus you and again i hope you're all hearing this like you're not in comedy but you're in your industry or your life or your friends it's interesting you brought up dane dane's been on and um another boston guy by the way what was interesting is you know he was pretty he's been pretty open about like his challenge time of his career, you know, with his brother taking advantage of him.
49:19And maybe you couldn't maintain that level of notoriety forever and stuff. And I've looked at myself, I'm curious what you think about this. And we've only got time for a couple more things, unfortunately, because I'd spend three hours.
49:30Pete Holmes:But I'm enjoying this too. Thank you. I am really, man. I really am. I knew I would. Do you think that there's, if you're giving advice to someone who's like on the climb, like Dane's climbing, like you're climbing, like I've climbed. Yeah. I said this to someone recently. There is a point on the climb where, at least for me, those first rungs were worth every trade-off. That rung, there comes a trade-off to climb to the next level. You're going to miss a family birthday party or some of your mental health ain't going to be completely together. There's these rungs you climb in life. For the most part, the trade-off to get to the next rung level on the ladder was worth it.
50:09But I think maybe there's a point where you do need to evaluate the rungs, so to speak, and the trade-off. Like at some point when you do have a family and you do have a wife and you do have children, do you buy into that? Like at some point you do need to evaluate what it's costing you.
50:28Pete Holmes:So hard. So if it makes you feel good, I hope it does. These are great questions. Thank you. These are great questions. They really are. and they're coming from somebody i i feel like we have we must have a lot in common because that is what it is and if there's something if i were to give every if every comedian working today it would be a terrible audience sat down and i could we all got to talk for 15 minutes like ted my talk would be about balance and i i i can't i just don't see a lot of guys even going for it even trying for it and they've bought into this idea and they have agents and managers and and people on the payroll people say things like make hay while the sun's out and i'm like how much hay how much hay do you need like it's too much hay and the people you know who's telling you make hay while the sun's out the people that get 10 of your hay that's right So my wife and I have, we've covered a lot of mantras here.
51:33Pete Holmes:They're all simple, but we go, good life when? Good life when? When are we going to do that? And at a certain point, I went, for me as a performer, one weekend a month is right. For me as a father and a husband and a friend, one weekend a month is right. I'm in a very great place in my career where I can do one weekend a month. I don't have to hustle and do four weekends in a month. But to give myself the credit, most people would just say, do the four weekends. And I go, but good life when? Like, a daughter is a great way to go to see the passage of time. Those babysitter club bedtime readings, we do night swims, we go on bike rides.
52:22I look at my comedy like a
52:24Pete Holmes:cactus this is my strategy how little can i feed it because because comedy is actually and i think i'm at the top of my game if you come and see me what i'm doing now is better than what i was doing five years ago so it's not suffering i i'm keeping an eye on the levels but i want to water it as little as possible that means i do one week a month i do one largo show here in la a month that's enough for me to write and produce and when i'm about to go on the road i usually do one or two sets in town just to get the dust off. That is the minimum. And when I do Ed, nothing changes. When I do the improv or the store, I want people to say that was the best guy.
53:10Pete Holmes:I can't always be the best guy, but sometimes I'm the best guy. And it means a lot to me to be like, you guys don't even know I'm going to be hitting a pinata tomorrow. You don't even know that I'm leaving the club. I'm going to drive 90 minutes into the mountains because I want my kid to leave her bike on the lawn. Like it's, it's the big, and, and just, that's all, that's nice to say like, it's for them. It's also for me. When I watched that Eddie, Eddie Murphy documentary, he goes, if you pray for something, pray for peace of mind. I was like, this guy gets it. I did too. That, right? That's the line.
53:49Pete Holmes:That's the piece that passeth understanding, right? What you want isn't to just ring the bell every time. You want to have a quality of consciousness that can actually appreciate and bask in the glow of what you've done. You want to be able to sleep. You want to be able to sit on the beach. You want to be able to swim. You want to be able to forget what time it is. You want to be able to put your phone in a drawer. You want to go like, I'm not even going to look at my finances this week because I know I'm working and I know the bills and every, and we have people for that. Like that is what I mean by balance.
54:22Pete Holmes:And it's the best, like, if you saw my life, I'd hand over the footage. You'd be like, wow, pizza, a comedian, like 6 % of the time and 94%. I bet I think you're rich. I bet I would live a rich life. And I got to tell you all what he just said, you guys, look, there's seasons of your life when you're young and killing it you got to climb climb right like i do think there's those times for sure but i i gotta tell you all let me tell you what that takes that he just decided by the way i've done it too you all know this i i went i had a tv show with nbc i'm like no i'm not doing it i'm like i'm just doing it and um i gotta tell you what that takes it takes unbelievable courage it that sounds easy like i gotta it is so hard when you're climbing to go no but you see people that you you're competing against let's just be real keep climbing and keep going and you got to sell yourself on your version of life that's why this whole thing of like being a witness of your own life what matters to you now yeah and sometimes i think you got to audit a dream like is this still my dream that's good you know what i mean is this still what i want is this still my dream it's okay that it changes and evolves or adjusts yeah yeah yeah you witness be aware Ask yourself some dadgum questions in your life.
55:39It's okay. I think quitting on a dream when you're losing, that's quitting. But adjusting on a dream when you're winning, like what you just said, that's more winning to me.
55:53Pete Holmes:Yeah, I appreciate that. I appreciate that. I'll give you a good one, like Hollywood award parties and stuff. I used to think you had to go to that stuff. I was like, everyone here is miserable. It's true.
56:06Pete Holmes:it's like a bunch of mirrors uh nobody nobody to say i see you it's all these look at me's and nobody to look at you all these people saying watch me dive but nobody's watching anybody dive it's just the people that just want to be watched diving all together in tuxedos i was like maybe we can stop doing that that that was an easy one that's so good yeah so but i but to your you already said it ed but like when i was young it was it was absolute insanity like we could have that conversation too it was insatiable it was yes to everything go go go but i know guys that that make millions a weekend and they and they still complain they don't see their families and i'm like please it's like a type of i don't want to call it an illness but it seems like somebody needs to tell you please please stop it's really true you know what happened for me i'll tell you this and then i'll ask you the last question i'll just share it with you and everyone can listen in i was with my dad when he died uh we were in his home so we were in his living room my dad died of cancer and and uh it was a really profound like thing first off my dad became my best friend he was an alcoholic and when i was young i became my best friend but it was just maybe this sounds simple to everybody and trite, but like my dad died in his house.
57:24His car was in the driveway. Neither one went with him. You're really not your possessions. You don't take it with you. And then my dad's awards of his life, like golf tournaments he won or business awards or whatever, they were in the room my dad died in. They stayed here. You're not your accolades. like you're not those things when my dad died he had worries and insecurities and problems none of those went with him either you're none of those things that's right you know and so that but what's interesting is what he did leave here and one of the things my dad helped thousands of other people get sober like maybe start to focus more on who and what you'll matters to you like your children, like your relationships, like figuring out what you believe about God in life.
58:19And there's a season for everything in life. It takes great courage to do what you're doing, because you are in that handful of conversation of the greats and to go, you know what, this weekend, I'm going to be with my daughter and my wife when they're not. And you're eating that you guys, that sounded really nice when he said it. You don't know how difficult that is to call that shot because I've called it.
58:40Pete Holmes:Yeah. Okay. I've always wanted to have a term for this. Like when we moved into this house, we have a pool and we put a cover on it and we put a cover on it because my daughter was little and you know, she couldn't swim. So it was for her, but then I love swimming. So I want to heat the pool. I swim in the winter and then the cover is, you know, what makes it stay warm. So I did it for her and then it ended up being for me. So I want a word in English, something you do for someone else that ends up being for you because this is one of them I only do once a month guess what I look forward to it I'm better I'm brighter I'm eager I can't wait to get up there sometimes you know a fluke or I said I couldn't say no to something I end up doing two weekends in a row I'm just a little bit more my voice is raspy you're doing the joke it works you're like who cares it works it's for them and then it ends up being for me it's a pool cover and there's so many things in my life that are like that oh bro well when you figure that out you're gonna have to come on and tell us because at last you said her later just curious you said later or earlier rather that uh when they leave hey i want them thinking that guy was the best of the night but overall like because i do think there's certain shows i've gone to and i just laugh my butt off right there's other people you're one of them that like i've also thought about something when I leave, you know, like I'm a little like this dude was saying something in there or I felt something or is there something you are conscious of?
1:00:14Maybe you're not. Maybe you just wanted to laugh. That's it. But do you want people feeling or thinking when they leave a show with you? Yeah.
1:00:20Pete Holmes:Yes. And I want I want them to be thinking. What is this? I that that moment when I'm reading with my daughter and I go, hey, we're here or that moment when you're giving your talk and you realize you're phoning it in and you snap out of it. I want them to snap out of it. That's what I'm going for. Meaning I want them to arrive in their lives. And the best way to do that is to sometimes directly ask them about the nature of their reality, what this is. I had that bit about we're all atoms. That makes no sense. That makes no sense. I don't understand. These atoms know they're atoms. And there's a certain, you know, there's a quality when someone tells a ghost story.
1:01:00Pete Holmes:It just kind of brings you into your body. The same thing can happen when somebody's just like, what is the air is also made of atoms. I'm made of atoms or become aware of the empty space in your room. And don't you see that you're kind of like that empty space. That's what you close your eyes. You're a vacant field of scintillating knowing wherein sounds and thoughts and you can picture a lemon or you could hear my voice or you could see what's around you. It all appears in the same empty space that you essentially are. That, in the same way that a ghost story can, you go like, oh, gee, you snap out of it.
1:01:44Pete Holmes:Remember in WALL-E, where he's going, WALL-E, the Disney movie? He goes around and he keeps knocking into the people that are stuck on their screens and they're drinking their Slurpees. He knocks them in, their screen goes off and they unplug and they go, oh, where was I? That's what I want. And sometimes the best way to do that is to just go, what is this? Because I'm tired of not talking about it. Like you said, I don't care how you label it, but we're all in this conundrum. It's inexplicably mysterious. And we walk around talking about pants and trophies and what car you drive or what you're going to have for lunch.
1:02:25Pete Holmes:what we're in outer space and even weirder than that we're in this knowing space where we are a mystery what we are is a mystery and and we just go like oh who do you like on instagram or who did you vote for this or that let's let's bring it down let's let's reduce it down to the the thing that we all have in common that we're here we are we're aware we're present and if we're being honest, we're kind of confused. This is an all-timer, bro. This is an all-timer. Remember when I introduced him, I told you that there was a depth there. By the way, here's what's so great about him. You'll get all of that.
1:03:05And then you'll get a joke like, do you ever have to poop so bad you pee second? You're going to get them both, you guys. You're going to get them both. I'm just telling you.
1:03:14Pete Holmes:You have my permission, by the way. You can say that. You're ever in a tight spot. You say it, get the laugh, then go that's a pete holmes joke you have my you have my blessing because that is uh one of the best loaded guns i've had in my back pocket it's an all-timer brother all-time podcast too like i want to have you back on like you know what when it comes out or something come back on and by the way you can go see him on the road how do they find out where you're playing on these one weekends a month pete holmes i i know i said i'm not on social media but that that just means i approve what's on my social media so you can follow me there at Pete Holmes on all of them.
1:03:48Pete Holmes:And Pete Holmes dot com is my tour dates. And I will have a special coming out in February on YouTube. I'm very excited about. Go check him out, bro. I enjoyed today a lot. I'm going to come up. I'm going to find you on the road somewhere. I'm going to come see you. Please do. Please do. All right, everybody. Max out your life. Share today's episode. I know you will. God bless you.
1:04:10This is the Ed Myland Show.
1:04:16Pete Holmes:Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for$15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of$45 for three-month plan, equivalent to$15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. Default terms at mintmobile.com. Hey, business owners. The NFL season is a big revenue driver.
1:04:50Pete Holmes:Now there's a smarter way to get ready. EverPass is the only authorized commercial platform for NFL Sunday ticket, delivering every live out-of-market regular season Sunday afternoon game. Lock in the best offer now with up to 40 % off, saving up to$2 ,500. For the first time, you can pay over nine months. Get up to six free devices and a free bar kit. Sign up by April 27th. Visit everpass.com. Limited time offer. Terms apply.
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What If the Secret to Winning Isn’t Hustling Harder… But Becoming More Present in Your Own Life?
I’ve had a lot of conversations on this show, but this one with Pete Holmes hit me in a completely different way. I brought Pete on because I think he’s one of the funniest people on the planet. But what I discovered sitting across from him is that behind the comedy is a level of depth, awareness, and truth that most people never tap into. This conversation is about success, yes. But it is also about life, presence, and what really matters when it’s all said and done.
We got into what it really takes to get great at something. Pete broke down a concept that applies to every single one of you, whether you are in business, sales, parenting, or leadership. Do not compare your chapter one to someone else’s chapter ten. Early on, he focused on simply being one of the best in the room he was in. That mindset alone will change how you approach growth. It is not about being the best in the world right away. It is about winning where you are, stacking small victories, and building confidence one step at a time.
But where this conversation really took a turn was when we started talking about presence and awareness. Pete shared something that stuck with me deeply. He said most of us are living for the next moment instead of the one we are in. That hit me hard because I have lived that way for a long time. Always chasing the next thing, the next win, the next level. And what you will hear in this episode is a reminder that this moment right now is your life. Not the next one. Not the one after that. This one.
We also went deep into belief, faith, and purpose. Pete has this incredible perspective on God and awareness that challenges you to think differently. Whether you are religious or not, what he shares will stretch your thinking. He talks about how we are all connected, how we belong to each other, and how much of life is about remembering that truth. It is one of the most powerful and thought-provoking conversations I have had in a long time.
And then we brought it back to something practical that every high achiever needs to hear. At some point, you have to audit your dream. You have to ask yourself if what you are chasing is still what you want. Pete made a decision to prioritize his family and his life over constant hustle, and it has made him better at what he does. That takes courage. Real courage. This episode is going to challenge how you think about success, fulfillment, and the life you are building.
Key Takeaways:
Why comparing your beginning to someone else’s success is killing your growth
The power of being fully present and why this moment is your life
How to evaluate your progress based on your current environment
A new way to think about God, awareness, and human connection
Why high achievers must audit their dreams and redefine success over time
How balance and intentional living can actually make you better at your craft
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