How to Laugh, Love, and Let Go, with Jeff Foxworthy

26:44It's, it's, uh, give me the likes, give me the likes. It's, it's almost important to get to the point where you go, I don't care. I don't care. I, this is what I do. You know, I know like within what I do, I would, I, I, I, I'm not mean spirited about it. If I hurt your feelings with anything I've ever said, please forgive me. I'm sorry. That was not the intent. So if you don't like me as a con, I don't care. I don't care. I mean, I hope you find somebody that you like cause laughter is really important. You know, it's kind of like the release valve that keeps the boiler from exploding. Yeah. But how do you feel about though, Jeff, like lately, like I've, uh, you know, obviously the other night when we're recording this will be out pretty soon, but this is a situation happened with Will Smith and Chris rock where Chris rocks making jokes.

27:31Right. And you've had this situation. This goes to your special. It's called the good old days. And he just reflects on some of the things that are funny, that are just also beautiful and sometimes better or just different than they are now. But then, you know, you've seen whether you agree with the messaging or not. But, you know, Kevin Hart's had to cancel culture. Chappelle's had major issues. And those are just a few. But how do you feel about because comedy is art. Right. And so what are your thoughts on this? Like, that's not funny to me. So you're a bad dude type stuff. We have a real hard time as a society of laughing at ourselves now.

28:09And within that lies the problem because we have to give up our need to be right. When you have to be right, then the other has to be wrong. And people don't want to engage in any kind of relationship where they have to be wrong all the time. And so they just go the other way. And as a comic, it's kind of our job to just hold things up and go, why do we do this? Why do we do that? We're truth tellers. Why do we do this? Why do we do this? And when people start attacking that and they don't have the ability to laugh at themselves, it means they think that they've got it all figured out. And none of us have it all figured out.

28:52You've got your lane and you've got a lot of that figured out. And I got my lane and I got a lot of that figured out. But there's a lot of other lanes I know nothing about. And so every day you and I are both coming to a hundred forks in the road and we're having to go, do I go this way or that way? And we're all doing the best we can, but I don't have to be right. There were things that I argued vehemently for when I was 20, that at 60, I go, nah, I've kind of changed my mind on that one. Totally agree with you. I got to tell you something. It's interesting that people ask me, the older you get, you know, what have you learned?

29:22I said, honestly, one of the things I have learned is how little I know. I thought I knew a lot more at 30 than I know. I don't know now at 50. and I'm always concerned when I have a friend who never changes their mind, right? Mind should change more information. We should evolve, mature, right? It always concerns me when someone never changes their mind, never says, I'm sorry. Oops. What that tells me is you haven't researched it at all, or you haven't engaged in conversation on it, you know, because I've changed my mind about a million things. And if I had any advice, I was telling my youngest daughter this the other day and I love this child so much, but you know, when she's not the child I want to be with, when I have my heart attack, you know, it's my oldest one who's very common.

30:09But I told her, I said, you want to know what I said, baby girl, the biggest thing that I've learned in life, the most helpful thing that I've learned in life is this. And like I said, I'm visual. I go, let it go. Let it go. And I literally, I mean, I know you guys are listening to me, but I'm opening my hand and I go, let it go. I used to be the guy when I was 20 and somebody cut me off in traffic, I'd be on his bumper and I'd be changing lanes, you know, yelling at him and screaming. And now it happens. And I go, let it go. Let it go. Why do you think we don't, you think we're control? We think we think we control everything.

30:42You think that's what it is? Yes. Yeah. And, and, and something like COVID shows you, you don't have control over anything. You don't have control over where you get this little invisible virus that may or may not kill you. You don't have any control over what's going on in Ukraine right now. You don't have any control over what's going on, sadly, in the houses of Congress right now. And you have very little control over things, but that doesn't mean it's hopeless. It's the one who spoke the universe into existence has control. And if you will rightly take your place in this and go, hey, I don't have control, but I trust you and you do.

31:23And you've given me these gifts. So let me quit wasting time being pissed off at dad, or let me quit wasting time yelling at the guy in traffic. And let me use these gifts and these things. You know, everything, if you look around, I'm looking at your office here behind you. You got a poster on the wall. It was created for a purpose, to promote this book. The chair I'm sitting in was created for a purpose, so somebody didn't have to stand up. So if you do believe in a creator and these things, these simple things were created with a purpose, then what about you and me? And it's not my purpose.

32:04God, what a waste of time. What a waste of my lap if I'm going to be yelling at somebody in traffic or sitting home wrenching my hands over what's going on in places. going on in places I don't have any control over. Let me deal with what I have control over. I have control over being a good dad. I have control over being a good husband. I have control over being a good steward of this gift that I've been given. I don't have any control over what somebody thinks about me. So I'm letting that go, you know, and I love, but I'm letting it go. The other thing you've done though, you know, speaking of control, you had longevity and everybody wants this in their career.

32:45Like even if you're a business person, I've known so many people who used to be wealthy that no longer are because they had to go in for three or four or five years, right? Or eight years or whatever it might be in their careers. You know, this in your industry, someone to last as long as you've lasted is there's a handful out of millions and millions, there's a handful that last decades. And I think one of the things that you've done that I'd like you to address is I've tried in my life, by the way, making mistakes every day, made tons of them. many of them I'm very embarrassed by, but I try to protect my dream.

33:18I try to protect the momentum. And that means, and I heard you say this, like I know me a little bit. And so I got to not put myself in situations that my dumb butt would make a stupid decision on, right. Or a bad thought or a bad thing. And you were talking about, you know, don't make the big mistakes in life. And I think you're referencing like the blue collar tour, just when you've toured in general sort of decisions you make because you kind of know you a little bit, right? And so, and this is no humans is sort of the, I guess the, the bigger picture case, but I'd like you to talk about that a little bit.

33:52Well, I mean, it's the cloth that I'm cut from too. You know, my dad was married six times at a thousand girlfriends. So for me, like alcohol never did it for me. You know, it just never was, you know, it just didn't do it. Drugs didn't do it, but I like a pretty girl. Always have liked a pretty girl. My younger brother likes a pretty girl, but it was, it was, as we talked about at the beginning of this thing, it was important to me, a, to honor my wife, but two, to not break this trust with, with my kids. And so when we would be on the road and the other guys would say after the show, Hey, come on, let's go to the bar and have a few drinks.

34:31I don't think, I don't think there's anything wrong with having a few drinks, but this is what I knew about myself. If I got in there and had one and we're having fun and then we have two and then we have three and then somebody sits down next to me with a lot of cleavage showing and they smell good. Now I've put myself in a situation where I'm vulnerable to mess up the most precious things in my life. I put myself where I'm vulnerable to break that trust with my kids and to break that trust with my wife. And so what I would say was, you know what? I'm going back to the room. I'm going to order room service and I'm going to call home.

35:09Not because I'm approved, not because I'm a do-goody. It's because I knew where the flypaper was. And that was the place that I could screw up everything I had worked for. I could break that trust that I wanted to have with my kids forever in a single moment of weakness. So I'm like, I'm walking the other way. I think that's one of the biggest lessons you'll ever hear on my show is kind of know yourself. I just think it's, I've watched most things not prevail, not because someone wasn't good at something, but because they've made a decision or a choice at some point, it might even be to spend all the money they make prematurely.

35:48It could be just that your proclivity to spend money, but it's these things that you kind of know intuitively about yourself that you need to avoid, that you don't protect yourself from you often enough. And that's one of the keys to someone like you in your life. The whole thing in the special is about the good old days. What made you do that on that topic? I was just curious because it's hilarious, right? The stuff about the one at the end about you. I don't know. I want to give this away, but. Well, because my father-in-law, that's just his mantra. He's walking around with his pants up to his nipples griping about, you know, how the world's gone to hell and it was better in the good old days.

36:24And so COVID gave me a chance to, to just really do a deep dive and go, was it really all right so let's go back to you know for me my childhood and I'm going to look at the way education was there and the way education is now and the way communication was there and and and just every aspect and literally it had a big chart and I'm just writing on one side going back and writing on the other and like everything in life there were things back then that were better than they are now. You know, we were probably more centered as families and communities because we weren't as spread out then. But then there's things now like communication and all that obviously are better now.

37:05But it was fun because it was multi-generational material. As I'm playing with it, you know, you can see, oh, the older folks are laughing at this, but then let's hit it back. And now the younger people are laughing at this. And then, And so it involved, you know, people from 20 to 70. It was fun that way. And just kind of looking at life from, you know, from this end of the court. Have you felt pressure to be relevant this long? I asked Sebastian Maniscalco has become a pretty good friend of mine. He was on the show. And, you know, Sebastian right now may be the number one stand up on the planet, right?

37:40Absolutely. Killing it. He's still in all these arenas everywhere he goes. And I said, brother, do you feel pressure for this not to end? You know, for it not to end? He goes, yeah, I do. And I wakes up and it kind of drives me. It's a pretty healthy thing. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid it was going to end. And then people have asked me, have you always been, you know, whatever success I've had, is it all chasing the positive all the time? The truth is, that's the compelling thing. But I've also sort of, I don't want to be broke. You know, I don't, I don't want to not have a platform where I can serve people and make a difference.

38:19So I guess for me, there is a motivator there. How about for you? I'm just curious how, what moves you, has that ever occurred to you all this time? I mean, the notoriety must've been something was just shocking to you. And then did you want to keep it and harness it? Or did you not care? You just let go. As you said earlier, the notoriety has always kind of embarrassed me. um i i mean i say that i don't mean this derogatory but i've always told people i'm two decisions from drywalling you know i mean i i know how to drywall and i'm two decisions from doing that for a living so my goal when i started this i want to make a hundred thousand dollars a year i mean i thought that was the king's ransom you know and now i've made twice that in a night you know just unfathomable but but but i find i i mean i'm i'm very thankful for things like my farm because land's one of those things you can't really own you're again just a steward of it but i don't want stuff i'm a guy i'm a blue jean and t-shirt guy yeah i'm not motivated by stuff but i do want to take care of the people that i love and i want to take care of the people within in my community that don't have the ability to do that for themselves.

39:38And so, and I've been blessed by having a job that I still love. I love what I do. I like people, you know, people come and go, I know you hate this. I go, no, I don't. I like people never in my mind. When I quit, when I quit my job, my goal was to be a comedian for two years. Cause I thought I'll have a great story when my, when I'm a granddad one day and go, you know, there was a time I was a comedian for a couple of years. Never in my wildest dreams did, I think, 38 years later, not only would I still be doing it, I'm still doing Netflix specials. Amazing. When it comes to what your family eats and drinks, you know your choices matter.

40:17You're the expert because you know what fits your life. And getting it right starts with good information. That's why America's beverage companies are sharing more information about our ingredients at good to know facts.org. No spin, no judgments, just the facts straight from the experts for more than 140 beverage ingredients. Visit good to know facts.org. How long did it take you to be financially successful? So that night happens, you're on stage, you win that contest from that date. How many shows do you think you did before you went, wow, I hit my goal of that a hundred thousand, let's say.

40:54Well, I can tell you. So when I quit IBM, I was this is 1984. I was making thirty two thousand dollars a year. My first year in comedy I did. And I know this because I've got the little notebook, the pocket calendar thing. My first year in comedy, I did four hundred and six shows and I made eight thousand three hundred dollars for the year. So I made a quarter of what I was making at my other job, but I knew that this was the thing I was gifted in. I knew if I put in the work, I had a chance here and it was making my heart sing. So I didn't even think about the money. My wife, God bless her. She was acting.

41:34She quit acting and took a job for a milk company. So we weren't starving to death because she believed in me. She was the one that told me to quit IBM. She goes, you've got all this creative stuff inside of you. And if you sit in a cubicle the rest of your life, you're going to explode. Do it. Hold your nose and jump. And I tell all my friends, I'm like, your life needs a few hold your nose and jump moments. Even though I wasn't making money, I'm like, this is what I was made to do. And you're not, I'm going to work hard at it. I'm not going to be chasing waitresses and all. This is what I want to do.

42:12And when I look back, that is the common denominator for everybody when I was starting, whether it was Jerry Seinfeld or Jay Leno or Judd Apatow or Chris Rock or whoever. They all worked at it. They worked. You know, it doesn't just. And I'm sure it's that way in every business, in every creative business. It was the people that put in the work that and not all of them like Judd ended up being stand up comics. Yeah, right. Right. Is it all cracked up to be? It is no, no better feeling in the world when, you know, it was funny early on because my wife used to love acting and, and I would say, let me write you five minutes so you can, you can know what it's like for me.

42:57And she goes, no, she goes, you know, if I'm in a bad play, there's somebody else to blame it on. I can blame it on the director or the writer or, and she said, when you're, when you're going down the toilet doing standup, it's just you. and I said yeah but when it's going good there's no better feeling in the world I wish everybody could see your face as you just said that some of these folks will watch it on huge but most are audio and your face changed even when you just said that like you just lit up you could somebody told me early on they said you know when it's going good is when you stop to take a sip of water and there ain't one sound in the room they're just waiting to it's silenced waiting on whatever you have to say next.

43:37Is that part of being funny, by the way? So I speak on stages and I tell, you know, blessed to be on some pretty big ones. And oh, people ask me all the time, how do you refine your speech? I said, I watch standups because I think that's the hardest form of communication in the world is to walk out to a group of strangers and say something funny. Oh, that's a little bit of preachers. I'll watch preachers, some of the good ones, and I'll watch standups. Those are the two that I've sort of modeled myself after. But I think in communication, the funny sometimes the emphasis is in the pause is in the silence.

44:06Yeah. And this is true for sales. I think this is a lesson for everybody. It's true for sales, stand up, public speaking, all kinds of communication. Most people are afraid of silence and you just hit on this. They're afraid of silence because that's the awkward time, even in a dinner with somebody, you know, when you're with your really good friend, you can ride in a car for three hours and not say a word. Yeah. And you kind of know, right. When you're with a stranger, not my wife, but I do it all the time. Yeah. Hey, that is everyone. Just so you know, for me, that is the funniest part of this special is the part where he talks about it.

44:41You just got to go see this. I'm not, I'm gonna make everybody go see it. It is. I had tears pouring down my face and my wife is staring at me with like daggers the whole time. Cause it was the funniest damn thing I've heard in years is that part of the special. I'm telling you everybody it's worth Even just that part is hilarious. Were you reading that off a cue card? Did you remember all that? No, Ed, I see it in my head. I learned a long time ago, if you write things long-handed, you have an 80 % better chance of memorizing it. So many years ago, I did a thing on one of the CDs or whatever, where I was talking about them advertising prescription drugs.

45:23And I said, and 90 % of the time, the side effects are 10 times worse than whatever the drug's supposed to cure. It'd be like, try new flora flora for itchy, watery eyes. It's flora flora. Side effects may include nausea, vomiting, water weight gain, lower back pain, receding in hairline, exibus, eborea psoriasis, ischiaving clothing. And I go in, I rattle off 80 things in a row, the side effects from this thing. But in my mind, people go, how do you remember that? I said, I'm not remembering it. I see the paper. And so I'm just reading it. I'm just reading it off the paper. So it's not even like a big memory thing.

46:00I just see it. That's amazing to me. I'm telling you, you guys, it's so damn funny if you're married. Actually, if you just have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, it is so dang fun. Actually, even if you have a mom, it would be good for some of you if you use your mom. I actually thought about my mom too when you were doing that. Oh my goodness. but but what about the pause like did you have to become comfortable with silence you know what i mean right that is part of the nuance yeah i used to my i used to just want to just not give them a chance to breathe and just beat the snot out of them and then i realized the silence is even more powerful because if you stop and nobody's getting up to go to the bathroom nobody's shuffling you don't hear drinks it then what the silence does is it puts the ball in their court and it goes what are you going to do with this yeah you're going to give it back to me are you going to try to do something with it and so when you really got them they go i don't want it you take it you take it you get the ball so so good i got a few more things for you by the way i am thoroughly enjoying this as you i am too yeah well thank you i uh i admire you um and one of the things you talk about that I've already talked about is don't make the big mistakes.

47:17What are some of those? Help us avoid them or what you see as some of the big mistakes. What does that mean? Well, most of the time when we go off the road and blow our lives up, we don't take a 90 degree turn off the road. We don't just turn. It's like that slow drift. And so the big mistakes are having the affair that blows your family up. Well, you don't just walk in one day and see somebody and go, Hey, you want to, you want to screw it? Yeah. It's, it's, you start hanging out with them. Then you start, you know, making sexual references with them and then you joke, and then you start being left alone with them.

48:02And so it's that slow. It's not that 90 degree turn you're just kind of breaking little bitty trust along the way you know and i man we're all good we're all fallible i mean i'm i have such the potential to do that that i gotta i gotta put up a little guardrail for myself to go no can't do that can't can't be along with them can't um because it's the big mistake i used to tell my kids that don't make the big mistakes don't don't get in a car with somebody that's drunk driving because you, you can die from this or you can be crippled from this or, you know, those are the, the life changers, you know, don't get pregnant when you're in the 10th grade, because I want you to have a full life.

48:51Not that having a baby is not a wonderful thing, but there's a season for that. And this ain't it. Do you think this group, so there's two groups with you though. So you got the group that you lead before COVID with the homeless folks, and that's just beautiful work you've done. And that grew from like a few to like 100 people, I think, right? It started with 12, yeah. Well, not interesting that it started with 12. Yeah, ironically, yeah. What an interesting number. But it grew. But I think the other thing for me has been who I'm around is my friendship circle and this power of association. People don't take it seriously enough.

49:28If you really look at the lives of the five people you're around the most, I mean, really look at their, not just their material success, but, you know, their, their bliss, their happiness, their peace, right? Their contribution, like really evaluate them. Their emotional maturity is another thing. Like people always want to be around people that accept them. These people accept me as I am. I don't want people. I want to have a few friends. I'm like, Hey, let's pick up before they come over. I want to have a few friends. We're like, we laugh our tails off, but I'm kind of accountable to them too.

49:57Right? That to me has been huge. And I have to think for you to have this kind of longevity and not make the big mistakes, there's this other group that I think you meet with on Thursdays or used to that has been in your life forever. So discuss this because it may not be a Bible study for everybody. Some people might not want to read the Bible. Some people may not be people of faith, but having a group, right? So talk about that a little bit. Yeah, it's having a group of guys, and I don't mean the sexist at all, but for me, it was having a group of guys that you could be accountable to that you could, that some guy could look at you and go, Hey dudes, I'm struggling at home right now, man.

50:35I'm, you know, I'm been flirting with this girl at work where somebody else can speak some wisdom and do you go to be careful because you're going to mess this whole thing up and you're not going to have your kids. And so, yeah, there was a group we met for breakfast, Thursday mornings and a barbecue back of a barbecue restaurant for 18 years. And so what we did was we did life together, You know, when somebody was having kids, then you're sitting there like praying that night, man, please, please let this kid be safe. Please let the mom be safe. When somebody's mom died, you're there with them.

51:07If for no other reason, just I'm here, you know, while you bury your mom. But we were doing life together, going through work struggles together. And I think it's real important in your life. We weren't created to live in isolation. That's what that's been the really weird thing with COVID is, is this isolation. And I saw a study where they were studying people that lived in isolation but had totally healthy habits. I mean, like ate vegan, exercised every day and all. The people that lived in community, like had that group of friends, didn't matter if they smoked, drank, whatever. They lived longer and happier lives than the people that lived in isolation, no matter what their health habits were.

51:49You need people around you. I always said Elvis needed somebody around him to go drop the cape and the hat. Stop. Stop. You're acting like an idiot. Stop. Michael Jackson needed somebody to go, dude, don't be taking this stuff to go to sleep. Stop. Yes. And you need people speaking truth into your life. And, and the people that are telling you what you want to hear, that's not your friends. Your friends are telling, or the people that are telling you things that you don't necessarily want to hear, you know, to go, Hey, buddy, I love you. but you need to be careful here or you need to watch this.

52:25And so you need people that care, that love you enough to speak truth to you. Yeah. Yeah. So good. Jeff. All right. Last question. It's actually, I hope, I hope you remember this story or this analogy. So I've been around faith all my life and we're not all my life. That's not right. But I've been around faith most of my adult life. And very rarely does somebody say something at Erwin McManus, who's a pastor on my show. He was a pastor. He came on my show and he said something I had never heard before that stuck with me, which is that all other faiths are basically about what you need to do to get to God.

53:01And he said, what I love about my Christian faith is that my faith is all about what Jesus did to get to me. And it just has always stuck with me. That stayed on my heart. There's a second time and it happened yesterday and it came from you. So there's pressure on you to remember this, but you talked about, we've all sinned in our lives, guys. We've all made mistakes and we carry this stuff with us because we do want to be better people. We should try to aspire to be better. We should try to do good in our lives. That's the whole, we were put here to do something great with our lives, but we fail often.

53:40And it was the defense attorney analogy. Do you remember that? Please tell me that you remember it because it's - I do remember that. And it's not going to leave me, Jeff. So would you just share that with everybody in the last couple of minutes here, that whole concept and thought? And so here's the other thing, Ed. So for me, there's a lot of things that happen in organized religion that I'm not a fan of at all, but I'm really big on faith. And it's this one, the amazing thing about it to me is it's not based on how good we are, because you say we all make mistakes. I, I, hell, I'm going to make them today.

54:17I'm going to make them tomorrow. And no matter how bad in my heart, I don't want to do it. I'm going to make them. So it's not based on how good I am. It's how good he is. And so what, what, and that's what happened at the cross was, was he goes, Hey, I love you enough that there's gotta be justice for all this bad stuff that you've done, but I'm going to pay the price for it. And so being the visual guy, it's like sitting in a court and they're going through your life and going, all right. And what about the, you know, the time you drove drunk and, you know, had sex with your buddy's sister in the back of your car.

54:52And, and, and it's, I just depicted the defense attorneys just being Jesus. And he stands up, holds up that hand with a hole in it. He goes, I already paid for that. And what about the time you do this? I already paid for that. You know, and that's, what is, what about that is not attractive to somebody to, to be loved? Because that's, that's what we all want. And as a comic, you're always looking, what do we have in common? We all want to be loved. We all want to be heard, but we all want to be significant. You know, we all, we want to mean something. We all search for significance. And to me, then, then the story of Jesus is, he goes, not only do you mean something to me, you mean everything to me.

55:41You, you meant, I let them do this and I could have just held up my hand and then band of angels was, I let them do, I let them beat me and I let them nail me to a cross because I love you this much. So you don't mean something, you mean everything to me. And, and, and, and, and, this is not, I'm not a preachy guy. And if you don't have faith, you and I can still be friends and we can still hang out. We still laugh. You know, this is just for me, this is, this is my lane and, and it works. And, and, and I, and I, and I don't want to sit in judgment of anybody's faith or lack of it. That's not my job.

56:18This I'm just telling you my story. Yeah. I love your story and I'm, I could feel it right now. My audience wish we were going another hour, but you got a busy day. And I enjoyed this. I 10 out of 10 tremendously brother. And I love your heart for other people to want to mentor to, you know, it's, it's like holding, helping somebody else hold their heavy rock, you know, to go here, man, give me that side of it. I'll help you hold it for a minute. And that's, I think that's awesome that you just got a heart to mentor people that way. Thank you, brother. And I love your heart as well. So everybody listened to me.

56:55I know you enjoyed today's show. Number one thing I'm going to ask you to do is share the heck out of it, because this is going to change people's lives. The second thing I'm going to ask you to do is go watch the good old days on Netflix and get to jefffoxworthy.com or his Instagram or wherever to get all the stuff that he's doing all the time. But you got to go watch the good old days on Netflix. No matter who you're with, you're all going to love it. You're all going to laugh. It's one of the rare pieces of art that I think everybody can agree is just dadgum funny stuff. So thank you, man. Yeah.

57:25Cause I got a new grandson. I got to buy him some more toys. So yeah, go watch this thing. I think a lot of people would like to be that grandson right about now, but brother, thank you. You're Absolutely wonderful, man. And I'm very grateful for our time today. Well, I thank you for having me. I appreciate this forum so much. It's kind of fun to step out and kind of, you know, tell part of your story that you don't get to tell very often. So thanks. I'm grateful you did it. And everybody, you know this, the power of one more, go get my book, go pre-order it, order it, depending on when you're listening to this thing, it'll change your life as well.

57:57All right, everybody, God bless you. Max out your life. So wasn't that awesome? I have to tell you, that was one of the interviews, and I don't always do this, where I listened back to it all the way through. And then I did it again. And I've been telling people for years that it was one of the top interviews we've ever done. So I'm so grateful I got to have you guys see this and hear it again. Cool news is we're doing it a second time. And I have a feeling this one's even going to be better than that one. So stay tuned, everybody. God bless you. Max out.

58:24This is the Ed Myland Show.