How To Master Your Emotions (and Break Emotional Barriers) | Ed Mylett - THE ED MYLETT SHOW: Summary & Transcript

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THE ED MYLETT SHOW - Episode Summary

Episode Title

How To Master Your Emotions (and Break Emotional Barriers) | Ed Mylett

Episode Description

This episode explores the theme of emotional mastery, emphasizing the importance of releasing rather than controlling emotions. Ed Mylett brings together insights from various guests who have transformed their pain into power through emotional healing and resilience.

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Key Themes & Insights

Releasing vs. Controlling Emotions
True strength lies in the ability to feel and release emotions rather than suppressing them.

Guest Insights
Jason Wilson: Discusses the cost of hyper-masculinity and the importance of vulnerability in emotional healing.
Lewis Howes: Shares how facing childhood trauma led him to understand the power of vulnerability and connection.
Sean Casey: Talks about emotional discipline as a critical factor in achieving longevity and excellence in life.
Les Brown: Highlights the essence of forgiveness and how holding onto anger can cloud one’s mind.
Brian Dawkins: Illustrates how to channel emotion into focused energy for peak performance.
James Lawrence (Iron Cowboy): Describes the mindset of perseverance in the face of physical breakdowns.

Core Messages
Emotional Intelligence: The foundation for success in relationships and life fulfillment.
Healing Through Honesty: Acknowledging emotions is the first step towards healing.
Transforming Pain into Power: Pain can become a catalyst for personal growth and resilience.

The Importance of Emotional Awareness
Understanding one’s emotional state can lead to better decision-making and greater personal satisfaction.

The Call to Action
Listeners are encouraged to confront their emotions instead of pretending they are fine, as true healing begins with acceptance.

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Key Takeaways

Strength in Vulnerability: Emotional release, such as crying, is portrayed as a courageous act rather than a sign of weakness.
Power of Forgiveness: Holding onto anger can impede personal growth; forgiveness can liberate one from past pain.
Focus on the Present: Mastering emotions allows individuals to live more fully in the present moment, enhancing clarity and peace.
Emotions as Teachers: Rather than viewing emotions as enemies, see them as valuable sources of insight and growth.

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Closing Thoughts This episode serves as a transformative guide for those feeling trapped by negative emotions. By mastering emotions, individuals can access their full potential and lead more fulfilled lives.

Listeners are encouraged to take actionable steps toward emotional mastery and consider joining Ed Mylett's unique experiences for deeper learning and growth.

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Transcript

Automatic transcript. May contain errors.

0:00Hey guys, it's Ed. I rarely do this. As you know, 99.9 % of my content is free. But once a year, I do something where I gather a very small group of people in my house. I've done it for two years in a row now, and I'm going to do it again this year. If you go to maxout2026.com, I'm going to do an experience in my home where I'm going to take you through how to make 2026 the best year of your life. All of the tactics and strategies that I use to plan and organize my own life in detail. Same time, all of the mental rehearsal and visualization techniques that people pay me hundreds and millions of dollars a year to teach them.

0:32I will be teaching that day as well. And the other years I've done it, I've had groups of about 25 or 30. I've decided this year I want to shrink the size of the group so that I can get more one-on-one time with each of you. So I'm going to keep the groups to 12 or 15. It's a chance to spend the day with me in my home, lunch, one-on-one time, and group time. And it's not cheap, so if it's something you can't afford, please don't get yourself in any financial trouble or debt doing so. But if it's something you can afford to do, go to maxout2026.com, and I'm looking forward to having you in my home with me very soon for an amazing day, a life-changing day.

1:01God bless you.

1:06this is the Ed Milet Show hey everyone welcome to my weekend special I hope you enjoy the show be sure to follow the Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify links are in the show notes you'll never miss an episode that way here's our first guest welcome back to max out everybody I'm so honored and blessed to have this man to my left here today he just came on my radar very recently and God is so good because I immediately fell in love with this man and his message through social media, through YouTube. And within about a week of me discovering who he was, unbelievably, his name came across my desk with an opportunity to have a conversation with him today.

1:44And I think he's one of the most unique and influential people that I've ever heard from as a man. And it's really an honor to have you here today. He's an author. He's a speaker. He's a coach. But what he does is he really impacts people's lives, particularly men. But you women today that are listening to this or watching this, You get to listen in on a conversation. I think it'll help you understand your man, your son, your potential boyfriend or your husband even better today. So, Jason Wilson, thank you for being here. It's a pleasure. Thanks. I appreciate it. It's my honor. And evidently, we've been trying to get together for a while, but we didn't really realize it.

2:18He has a book out coming out, by the way, you can preorder right now called Battle Cry. I'm fascinated by this. So you came on my radar because I hear you on Rogan's show and I hear about this video of you. And those of you that haven't heard it, I won't go through the whole video, but I cried watching it. And I'm doing it right now. It was just such a beautiful moment to watch a man be a real man, which is what you were in this moment. But there's this video of you at your martial arts studio with this young boy who's trying to break this block. He's crying, his hands hurting. The first thing you did that I loved that I just want to say is you got down on his level.

2:55You got down on your knee. You got to his level, which I think is where we need to meet everybody in life. and then you told him it was okay to cry and you told him that things hurt for a reason and that he, you know, that as a man, you're going to get through those things that you need, you need Jesus, that it's okay to cry. This is the entire message. Were you that man already every single day and just a camera caught it or was that moment sort of a turning point even in your own life and everybody discovered how you treated young men so beautifully? That's a really good question. That moment actually was just a norm in the cave of Adelma.

3:28I actually wasn't going to record that day. I stopped recording the test. But my friend who is little Bruce's father, he wanted it. I said, look, let me just record it for keepsake. And if I would have known it would have been viewed over 100 million times, I would have at least focused the camera, man. So I just I would have just rushed the camera and said, let's go. You know, it's time to test. And what had happened, Bruce had had no issues with breaking that board weeks prior. OK, his real issue was a fear of failure. and that's what that board became. So we use this board breaking as a symbol to show boys just how to break through their own emotional barriers.

4:06So that could be a school bully. When you become a man, it's an intimidating coworker. When you're younger, it could be obesity. When you get older and you beat, overcome obesity, now you're afraid to talk to the woman of your dreams who's right before you. So true. So again, we had to break emotional barriers throughout life. And so his was a fear of failure. and when he was, he had to break it with his right and his left and when he couldn't break it, I just said, hey, you know, what's going on? You know, what's happening? And he just was, he was scared. He felt the fear of failure and he started crying.

4:41Then I felt shame. I felt that he was ashamed to cry. His family there is K brothers, but he wasn't alone. We have what's called a moment on the mat. When you give any male, especially a man, an opportunity to be human, he will open up. That's why men cry more than the boys do when we train together. Because we have so many years where we suppress all of these emotions. So I often say there's a broken boy inside of every man. And so when you allow that boy to be healed, you have to have some crying. And so unfortunately, we're told big boys don't cry. What doesn't kill you make you stronger. Another misleading mantra is no pain, no gain.

5:21That's not a universal principle. If you apply that to your entire life, you won't have one. And so I dropped to my knee and I looked him in his eyes and I said, Hey man, it's okay to cry. We cry as men. And during that time, my mother had dementia and she was actually, actually, you know what? She may have passed when I recorded that. Okay. That's what shifted in me, Ed, because before I was a hyper-masculine male. You were. Oh, absolutely. Oh man, absolutely. Especially in my era, I was a popular hip hop DJ, you know, There wasn't any hip-hop albums with men smiling on the covers. Everyone, we were serious.

5:58And that was just the whole image that we had. And then I had brothers who, my first brother was murdered when I was three. My second brother was murdered when I was 23. So they had, you know, they lived dangerous lifestyles. And you did too, right? You indulged in... I tried to. Because again, the standard in my community was the hyper-masculine black male. Yes. So if you weren't that, you didn't get the girls, you didn't get the money, you weren't cool, you were ostracized. Yes. And so, but I was a kind-hearted boy, caring, nurturing, but I wasn't a thug, you know, and I later came up with the acronym for a thug.

6:38It's a traumatized human unable to grieve. And so, so many of the young boys I mentor, and even men, what they call OGs or original gangsters, they're hurting. And it's amazing when I get with them and just talk, they just start crying because of the years of the trauma that they've seen, their friends getting killed. Someone dying, like my best friend of a heart attack, who was my weightlifting partner. Yeah, I heard that. That was the first time I cried, man, at a funeral. I didn't even cry at my brother's funeral. And until the pastor gave me permission to cry, I thought something was wrong with me.

7:11You know, I say in battle cry, I say we need emotional enemas because we're so backed up. even like I think it's 191 ,000 men die annually of prostate cancer. The main reason we don't want to be, you know, what is it called? We do the PSA where they just take the blood, prick of blood and test our prostate. But the manual exam where the doctor has to put his finger up, we'd rather die on our swords, man, because it feels like our masculinity is draining out of us when he pulls his finger out. You're talking about an exam that's no longer than eight to 10 seconds. Very true, though. But because we are hyper masculine, we're dying that way.

7:53And so it's it's something that I know is my mission that God has given me. And with little Bruce, that moment when that video went viral, when the world saw just the gentleness, but still the strength, the lamb and the lion, men from all over the world. We had to shut our nonprofit offices down, man. because the phones were just ringing and in 2016 viral videos were kind of new i think yep and we were like what is what's going on men were crying to our women's staff saying i'm tired of not being able to be tired i want to be a human i wish my coach would have did that for me now i walk around with anger yeah and so that's what you said about this tired thing i want to touch on there's so I realized my dad was a wonderful guy, but I certainly was raised to be that traditional man's man type of deal.

8:51I'd never cried in my life either. I remember going to my grandfather's funeral. I was very close to thinking, why can't I cry? Like I almost that time wanted to and could. I was so conditioned not to show what I thought were weak emotions. Somewhere along the line, though, when I started doing this work, that changed for me. and because if you don't reflect those emotions, I don't think you're really present with people and I want to be present with people. You feel like you go through your entire life and you were just really never there, almost playing this character of this beast that I needed to be.

9:22But you said something the other day, actually, that I was watching. Your content is so good that I watch it multiple times. And you said, when a man tells you he's tired, listen to him. So, you know, it's one of those things that, you know, coaches have said that you're not tired. Let's keep going. Let's keep going. What did you mean by that? Because men will once in a while go, how are you doing? Man, I'm tired. Yeah, yeah. And that's a rarity. Typically, we tell them to stay strong when they say they're tired. That's exactly what we say back. Or they're hurting. But I just shared today, no one can stay strong.

9:50No human. You weight lift. I weight train. Put a 135 on the bench and just hold it there. And I'll see you tomorrow. But you can't drop that bar. No one can stay strong. But it's us as men like women don't allow one adjective to define them. So femininity you would never hear woman just be confined to that because she has to be anything or everything. She has to be at any given moment, especially single mothers. And I often talk about what if they would allow the culture to define them in the early 1900s when they say a woman's place was in the kitchen. Right. You know, they defied that. But we as men, we've allowed this one adjective, masculinity, to define us.

10:33And at the same time, it's hindering us from living the lives that we long for inside. Is it the word or is it what we think it means? Like, that's a good, I mean, so the word is, so that's what I had an epiphany. I thought masculinity was manhood. Like it's just a comprehensive definition of manhood. One day God was like, look at the definition. It's nothing but a few attributes. boldness aggression strength and it's the second definition is like masculine attire so there's nothing toxic about masculinity like if a fireman if this was burning down right and we needed help a fireman bust the door down and rescues us that's masculine act those are masculine attributes but when you're only can live exuding uh strength boldness and aggression or assertiveness when your wife needs nurturing when your children needs nurturing nurturing when even God needs you to be compassionate to someone in need.

11:27You can't. So you're limited and then you're frustrated. And you talk about a point when you check out, you have this one image of being this tough guy. But when things are really happening around you, you're not present because you're really not comprehensive. That's right. We lost my wife lost five of our children. So I don't say we because I think, you know, as a husband and wife, you can say those are our children. But that's something my wife had to endure because at the time I wasn't there. I didn't even know. I knew something was wrong, something bothering me, but I couldn't express the pain.

11:59I couldn't sit with her and cry. When you say you lost five children, you're talking about she had miscarriages? Miscarriages. My goodness. Wow, five. That's incredible. That's a big number. It's a big number. And with my daughter, so we have a son, thank God. Now he's 13, but our daughter is 26. That's why it's a big age gap. And so I was I didn't know how to feel even when my wife she still longed to give me a son. And one day after my father died in 2007, I come home taking a shower and I hear God say clearly, he says, after you, there is no more. And I'm like, what do you mean? He says, think of Abraham.

12:37That was his greatest fear. He's this man that had everything, but he didn't have a son to pass on everything. So I get out the shower, man. Imagine your wife almost dying trying to have children. And I say, Nicole, do you pray for a child, specifically a boy? And she says, yes. I'm like, what's wrong with you? Why would you do that? You know, you could die because it was very stressful. She almost died right before our son. She says, I want to give you a son. We prayed together. Two weeks later, she gets pregnant. It's a boy. But check this out. This was when it was confirmation that this was divine.

13:16At the five-month mark, I'm running to get her some food, and she calls me screaming and crying. So I'm like, what's wrong? It's pain in my stomach. So I'm thinking she's going to lose our son. And so, okay, here I come. So as I'm pulling out the parking lot a lady stops me and she asked me for directions and I just told her I said well look I have to run she says hold on before you leave let me tell you something don't lose the faith it's gonna get tough but don't lose the faith we get to the hospital we thinking it's another miscarriage her appendix is ruptured oh my goodness this was the only time with the best time to take little Jason out of her take the appendix out and put him back this is the So, yeah, even then I couldn't cry, man.

14:03Whoa. I could because I'm tough. I got to be strong. I got to provide. Everyone needs me to be strong right now. Then you wonder why we snap. Yes. You know, and like the doctors, I felt they weren't attentive enough to my wife. So I'm ready to fight. And the nurses weren't paying attention. A friend of mine who's a very wise man, he says, you're going to do nothing but cause more problems. He says, they're tired. Go buy some fruit or something. So I bought a big basket of fruit, put it on the nurse's station. It had a card that says, thank you for being the angels here. That's awesome. And they took care of my wife, but I didn't know how to do that.

14:40It's amazing to me. Because I was just, I was defined by what? Strength, strong. That's it, being boldness and provide. You want to have a good God moment with me right now? Sure, go ahead. I'm going to blow you away. Yeah. That's amazing that you just said this. I knew, I'll just tell you what happened. Right. So I'm blown away. like my hairless arms have goosebumps right now. I got interviewed this morning before you were here. And at the end of the interview, the person said to me, if you could have dinner with three people that are deceased, who would those three people be? And I just off the cuff said who I would always say.

15:12I said, Jesus, my dad. And I don't, I can't believe where this came from. And I said, the baby that my wife lost. This was just this morning. Do you know that I had not thought about that in 20 years and the same thing when that happened I wasn't emotionally available for that I was this is something that happened kind of to her and I don't understand why she was so upset about it but for some reason because I've been doing such work on myself that came to me from nowhere today and then you bring this story up several hours later on my show that's miraculous to me it's almost confirmation yes confirmation that you need to release something yeah and probably some time you need to spend with your wife and revisit it and cry and let some of that go because it will hit holding on the trauma will hinder us.

16:03Dr. William Frey discovered that tears not only are 98 % water, okay, but when we cry due to trauma or emotional pain or stress, they contain stress hormones. So they get excreted from our body when we cry. That's why we typically feel better. It's healthy. And so, so many men, we're bottled up, we're holding on to all of this unresolved anger, frustration fear failure abuse abandonment and we're wondering why we can't really take the next step into where we need to be as a man and so the other reason I said when we started the show too that I wanted ladies to listen in on you and I discussing this is because you know I think also just affording the man that you're with a space is such a you know trendy word right now but like an environment where he's accepted for doing that especially if he's lived all of his life being in this strong guy and never shows these other emotions.

16:55Allowing that to take place and nurturing that in a man is really important. Here's how it feels ladies for a man when he lives like this. And I want you to give your example of, I'm watching your content the other day and you talked about how an actual prison cell and incarceration works and the physical incarceration. But there's another emotional and mental incarceration that most men live most of their lives with. Many men have lived their entire life and passed away and lived their entire life in this type of incarceration. So share that with everybody. Emotional incarceration is a self-imposed prison sentence.

17:32So basically you walk into this your own mental prison with a door that's wide open and you never come out. Because every man will tell you that we can get up at any moment and change things instantly. We can turn that switch on. That's the masculinity in us. But when we have to face what's going on inside of us, the wars that are erupting inside, what we're scared to really deal with, because those pull out non-masculine emotions. It pulls out fear, anxiety, sadness, sorrow. And we don't want to have anything to do with that. So we rather just stay in this prison where we can stay incarcerated, turn off our hearts from the world.

18:15Because not only are we tired of feeling a certain way, we're tired of being the bad guy when we just want to be a good man. And so how often, I don't know about you, as a father and a husband, I've made a plethora of mistakes. And it just, it got to the point at one time, I'm like, look, you know, you guys can just live on without me. I'm better off dead. I mean, just to be transparent with you. Wow. And this is why one of the reasons I believe, what is it, three to men die by suicide three to four times as often as women. That's right. We first of all, we identify our worth with our work. Yes.

18:49And so that's why you'll see older men say like older couples out. The man is barely getting around on the walker, but his wife is skippy moving around fast because when we could rest, we won't. When we can take a nap, man, I can't tell you how many days I've jumped up from my couch. When Nicole, my wife, comes home because I think she would think I'm lazy. Because, again, our life is based on what we do. So we'll never have rest. And so that's the greatest tragedy. And so a man just says, hey, I'm not really no good to you guys. I'm not really doing well in my life. I might as well not have one.

19:30So we give up. and I've been there where you're just like, I can't get over this hump. I'm always hurting my daughter. You know, I grew up, I would yell at my daughter all the time. So have I. And it's like, what was going on there? Her room was filthy. Now the dad now will say, wait a minute, this is a sign that something's going on inside. Maybe something's going on at school. Let me just sit and talk to my daughter. Just recently, she says, hey, dad, something else came up and I would like for us to see Tim, who was our psychotherapist. And so as a man, I'm like, this is great because I want to work through these issues with my daughter so we can become closer and I can help her become who God created her to be.

20:14But at the same time, you're like, man, what else did I do wrong? Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Can I hear this again? And it hurts me to hear who I was. I know what you mean. But that's freedom, man. It's like, again, if someone was to come in and try to, we'll fight it. We'll do whatever we take. We'll take bullets for our family. Of course. But when we have to deal with the emotions that are raging inside of us because of our failures, the things that we wish we could have done, the things that we wish our fathers would have said to us or done for us, we say, no, we're good. Let me just get something to drink.

20:49Let me go visit this girl. Let me get high. Let me go to the gym. Let me fight. Instead of saying, no, let me be still so that I can release what's going on. It's beautiful. I wish every man would take that last little piece right there, that last minute, play it back, because those are all the coping. There's more, but it's it's a drink and it's the women, it's the drugs. Let's go lift some more weights. Let's go make some more money. Let's buy another this. Let's do another that instead of just being present. Now, here's a tough question. A lot of men are listening to this going. They're getting emotional.

21:20Like you get this. The suicide thing was a tremendous stat you gave, because like you, I get reached out. men i don't have any value to my family you know i don't i'm amazed by how many men not just the number that take their lives but actually contemplate it like you've shared like i get i get lots i i don't know to quantify the number but lots of messages from men particularly when they're failing financially when men feel like they're failing financially if you're with a man right now if you're a woman and he's failing financially i'm telling you so often so much of his identity is worth is tied to earning and providing and winning you be you be very vigilant with that man he is and he is he is not playing his cards on the table he is probably not showing you based on what jason's talking about here how he really feels what would you say to the man though who says i do want to because this is how we think if i do that i'm going to lose something so this is how men think okay this sounds good i do want to be more present with my daughter I I probably would feel really good to cry when I need to I'd like to laugh a little bit more and let my guard down and be who I really am But then i'm going to lose This other part of me i'm going to lose.

22:31So you have this great analogy of the lion and the lamb I definitely need to have more lamb, but i'm afraid if I do that i'm gonna lose all the lion And men do think this you know that what would you what would you say to a man who's saying i'm afraid i'm going to lose parts of me I do like if I become this new version of me. I don't think it's parts of them that they're afraid of losing. It's the people, the success, and everything that comes with just being the man or being a certain type of man. What I had to come to grips with was that I want to live from my heart, man. So a definition for a comprehensive man is a man who's courageous, but also compassionate, strong but sensitive, a man who can boldly live from his heart instead of his fears.

23:16What do we do typically when we meet someone, let me guard because I don't know if they're really a good person and all these other things. So that hinders me from expressing the love I have, not just not for them, but just in general in life. I care about people. So as men, we stay guarded. And now we've shut off our hearts really from really expressing the full essence of who we are. So if a person hurts you or take advantage of you, that was a blessing because now you don't have to waste time in that relationship anymore. You didn't lose anything. It was all gain. And when men, I talked to men, even those who are wealthy seem to struggle with it a lot more.

23:56Of course. You reinforce your identity's reinforced over and over again. And so I never forgot the time I was at a track, man, and a doctor recognized me. And he says, man, I think it was a doctor or a lawyer, but anyway, he was professional, very successful. He wanted to take his life. And I said, why? He has a beautiful family. He said, I don't feel like I'm valuable. I said, wow. And he was, this guy's very successful. But what he's saying is that he's really not living from his longing. He's living from what he's been programmed to believe a man is, but we're so much bigger, we're so much more than masculine.

24:34So when we're confined to just providing, getting the watches, the clothes, the cars, the houses, we know that's nothing after a while. Once you buy it, it's done in a few days. So who you really are is what matters the most. And so we were walking. He says his counselor told him or therapist, you know, what about, Ask him, what about your family? What about, you know, your mom and your kids? And he was like, well, what about me? And that's what I tell men. You are worth living. Don't allow your entire life to be. You know, it's great to be a family guy. I am. But I don't allow my life to be completely centered around them.

25:14First is God. Then it's my family. And then it's my service. And then another thing that misleaves us is men. We fight to live this balanced life. Yeah. Like I don't I don't believe in that concept because if everything is balanced, that means everything gets the same amount of attention. So my family and the things that matter the most are in this part of the scale. And this is everything else, the success, books, everything else. This must always tip the scale. Yes. As soon as I start feeling it, do this. I'm like, oh, it's too much here. Yeah. Let me get some of this off because this is really not important.

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25:47This is not how I get my affirmation. This is not who I am as a man. but hearing my wife say I'm so proud of you Jay and my daughter daddy I love you my son leaning into me my uh when my mother was living how proud she was how that I was able to serve her with dementia and fight through so much I want to stay in balance and as men we're trying to do everything but we need to fight to do what's important so good and then we'll find the peace that we long for so good very short intermission here folks I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes.

26:21Now on to our next guest. Welcome back to Max Out with Ed Milet and I am really excited about today. And before we get going, I want to remind you all, we do this for free. And so all I ask from you is that you rank and review the podcast there on iTunes. Do me that favor, please. My guest today, I was thinking about it coming over here today. I think he's the most, I think he's the Dos Equis man of personal development. I like that. I do. He's the most interesting man in personal development. And he's, I did this survey with you all and I asked you who were the guests that you wanted on my program and Lewis's name kept consistently coming up.

26:53So I've got him here for you today. Lewis, thanks for being here, brother. Thanks, brother. Appreciate it. So good to have you here. So Lewis, as many of you know, has a School of Greatness podcast, which is a top 100 podcast in the world. He's written a couple of different bestselling books, including the School of Greatness. But the one I want to talk about today, if we can, is The Mask of Masculinity. It was such a great read, brother. I've never read anything like it before. Thank you. Yeah, it was so good. So I want to know how a guy like you ends up writing a book like this. So can you tell me a little bit about you?

27:24My audience may not know all of this. So tell me a little bit about how you grew up, where you come from, how you end up being in the position to write such a great book. Small town Ohio is where I grew up. So I think it was great people, great communities, but I think limiting mindset in a lot of ways. We grew up pretty poor, and it wasn't until, when I say poor, I mean in terms of like lower middle class, right, where I was having hand-me-downs. Like I didn't get the new Nintendo or anything like that. I was getting hand-me-downs until I was about 12, 13. My dad's company kind of started to take off where we started to have more opportunities.

27:57Okay. So I never really got nice trips or nice things. It was always pretty simple living. And it didn't really matter. I was pretty happy with just like having friends and attention and playing sports. Yeah. So it never really affected me because I didn't need nice things. But when his business started to take off, I started to see him think and talk differently about money and abundance. And so I started to open my mind to making money when I was about 13, 14. You're already thinking about it. I was thinking about it just because he started to bring abundance in his life and his energy started to shift.

28:29Whereas before that, he was always frustrated, always stressed, and kind of seemed resentful. because he had to work so hard and he wasn't living his dreams. And so I noticed that early on. And I always wanted to leave Ohio. As much as I love Ohio and I'm prideful of it, I knew I didn't want to be around limiting people that weren't chasing for bigger things. Yeah. And so I left when I was 13 to go to a private boarding school. What? Yeah. I've never heard that. I begged my family, my parents, to send me away. You begged your family to send you to a boarding school. That's usually how it works.

29:06It's the opposite usually. But my whole siblings were, I'm the youngest of four, and my siblings had left to college. My brother was in prison during this time and just got out. And I kind of felt like it was just me left in the house. It was my parents and me, and I was just like, I don't really want to be here. Wow. Yeah. Where did you go? I went to St. Louis, Missouri. It's a private school called Principia High School. It's a small school of about 300 kids, and I was in a boys' dorm. No kidding. I was in a boys' dorm in eighth grade all the way through my senior year. Is that right? So you didn't even live in your home full-time growing up.

29:38I would go home for like the summers, for Christmas break, things like that. But St. Louis, I lived there for about six and a half years. Well, did that impact you how? It changed my life because I started to do a lot of negative things in Ohio for, you know, my childhood. I started stealing all the time. Every time I went into a store, I had to steal something. It became a game. It became a obsession. That's hard to picture you. I know. Mr. Integrity, Mr. Exactly. I started to steal. I started to smoke cigarettes for a couple months period. But I wouldn't even inhale it. I would just steal them and smoke it just to try to act cool or whatever to impress other kids.

30:17I didn't have any friends growing up, so I did things to impress people. I put on a fake identity to try to fit in. I relate to that. I bet a lot of men and women relate to that. And once I got into middle school, I started putting on the athlete mask where I was like, I need some friends. I'm starting to get some attention as an athlete. Yeah. Let me go all in so that people love me. Whoa. And so I started to become the best athlete I could be, to be the most valuable person on every sports team so that they always needed me. And you played all the sports? Every sport. Yeah. What are you, 6 '3"?

30:516 '4". Yeah, you're a big dude. And yeah, I was just like constantly driven to be better. That's right. I read your whole background. I did not know that you went to a boarding school when you were 13. Because you're interesting. Everybody has defining moments, right, in their life. And these moments define us based on the meaning we take from them, is my theory anyway, right? But you've had some real defining moments. So let's go back to one, the athlete mask first. And we're going to talk about this. Really, the premise of the book that I love are these different masks that men wear to conceal who they really are.

31:22Sure. Or to hide behind those masks. And I just want to tell you, as a brother, and I've had decent success in my life too, but it was illuminating and enlightening for me, the different masks that I wear, even to this day still. I throw those masks on. We all do. Yeah, we all do. You still do, even. Absolutely. I think it's our ability to be aware of what we're wearing. Does that make sense? The ability to say, okay, you know, for example, when I left playing professional football, arena football, I was broke on my sister's couch for about a year and a half, trying to figure out, how do I make money?

31:53How do I start a business? How do I get a job? How do I do any of these things? Because I was just training my whole life. My dad, even though he started talking about money more, he said, just train full time. Go chase your dream. Because I think he never did. So he wanted to fully support and make sure that I did. Wow. He was like, you can come back and work with me and my business when you're done. If it didn't work, you had a... Didn't work. You got the backup plan. Okay. So I never worked. Okay. Like I did like lawn mowing a little bit and like some little odd end jobs here and there. But I never like nine to five all summer long.

32:22Wow. It was just like, no, your job is to train. No kidding. So I would go to specific facilities and train all day. So why didn't you go to work for him when football didn't work out? Because the year I left to go play professional football, he got in a tragic car accident where he was in a coma for three months. And then he's still alive today, but he's never been the same person. He's emotionally not all there. He can't really have the same conversations. He's unable to work. He's just mentally unable to work. Wow. And so it's like my dad is still alive, but it's almost like I lost him that day.

32:55Oh, I'm sorry. So it's okay. I mean, it was a challenging few years to say, you know, when I needed a mentor the most. I didn't have him when I had him my whole life. Yeah. So I had to seek out other mentors to teach me certain things. And I think it's also another dividing moment is like, I don't know if your father is around or your parents are around. But I think essentially losing my dad when I was 23, where he wasn't able to be there, emotional, mental, spiritual, financial support, any of those things. It was kind of like I had to grow up in a lot of ways. I had to, and I think if he would have still been around, I don't think I'd be this hungry.

33:36And I think it was probably one of the greatest blessings, although I wish it didn't happen. And I wish he was healthier and was able to communicate in other ways. it was also made me so hungry and just thirsty to like learn how to build something on my own it's interesting because every time i meet somebody who's the after and i know you don't see yourself as the after like you're successful yet because you're chasing something but it's always interesting to me that meaning people take away from events that otherwise most people would consider to be tragic right and it really i i've always believed this i say this a lot and you're and you embody this.

34:12It's not the events of our life that define us. It's the meaning we attach to them and then the action we take as a result, right? And you, one of the things I just admire about you so much and I think why your following is so big is because of what you're doing right now. You're real. You're transparent with who you are, at least to the best that we can be, right? And I admire that in you. I try to do that too. I think both of us have a certain following in social media because I think people think they really know who we are. We're not wearing a mask necessarily on social media all the time, right?

34:43But you've had several events like this. So let's go back to one. We'll go back to a couple if you don't mind. I thought it was just interesting before we get to a heavy one, a lighter one but a defining one for you because you talk about that athlete mask. That's one of the masks that Lewis talks about in the book is men, with their masculinity, wearing the masks of different types of people, whether it's the material mask or the athlete mask or the stoic mask. It's such a fascinating read. It is for men, but to be candid with you, I think it's a fascinating read for women to understand their men.

35:12Exactly. So many women are telling me that they finally understand their husband, why their father never showed them the affection, why their sons don't look them in the eyes. It's like trying to understand men a little bit better. It's brilliant, man. And so there's this story in there that stuck out to me. And I could picture you as a little guy when this happened. But you talk about, and it's interesting, it could be a non-event for some people, but it must be this dodgeball game. It's defining, man. It was. Because you end up being, remember, this guy ends up going on to become a college and professional athlete, right?

35:38And if you draw back all the way where that mask started, it started in a damn dodgeball game. Yes. In elementary school, you know, I was still trying to find my way and just have a couple friends, just try to fit in. And one day, the teacher of our class, there's probably 30 kids in the class, about 50 % men and boys, boys and girls. They say, okay, during recess, we're going to play a team dodgeball game, and we're going to split it up into two teams. So everybody's had that game at school, right? Right, yeah. Everyone's played dodgeball or something, right? And he said, okay, I'm picking you two boys as the captains.

36:14Pick one at a time. I don't think it was his intention to do this. He was just like, yeah, you guys split up the teams. Okay. So we're all waiting to be, like, called out, right? Yeah. And these two popular kids, one at a time, start picking each boy. And I'm thinking to myself, I'm one of the taller kids. I feel like I'm pretty athletic already. They've got to pick me and one of the first people. So I'm standing up there in front like waiting to be called and they pick all the boys one by one until it's me and the last boy. And this boy like, he was not athletic at all. Essentially, I'll keep it at that.

36:44And they pick him. And so now I'm the last boy to be picked. However, as you know in the story, they pick a girl next. And then they pick another girl, another girl until it's me and the last girl. And I'm like, there's no way I'm going to be like, they're going to pick this girl before me. This girl has like zero athletic ability, right? She can't even walk. And they pick her. And then I'm not even picked. I'm just by default. They'll just go on the next team. They didn't even pick me as like, oh. What's going on here? Are you raging? Are you sad? I am raging. I'm already a kid that feels neglected, that feels like the youngest who doesn't get any attention.

37:21You know, I didn't have any friends. So at this point, I said, I'm going to destroy everyone on this team. Like, give me the ball. I'm just like slamming it in people's faces. You're already a big dude. Yeah. And I'm just like destroying people. And I go, never again will I be picked last. You can see it in me right now. I can see it in your physiology. Never again will I ever get picked last in anything. Right? And that's what I told myself. And I just become a training machine every day after school. I would go to the playground, go to the gym, go play basketball and train until my mom would have to call me in at like nine o 'clock and say, you gotta come home.

37:55And you think that game has something to do with you end up being a professional athlete? I think it was one of the triggers of just like always feeling like I was abused, left behind, not good enough. It was just one of those triggers. It's interesting you face change even when you just said that. It's interesting. It's just like it's one of those moments that I can remember. And it was many moments like that. But that was a moment where I was like, okay, I just never want to feel this again. Yeah, it literally defined part of your whole identity. Absolutely. Right, it was one of these masks you're like, I wear this one well.

38:27And so I put, yeah. So I put the athlete mask on and I said, never again am I going to lose. And I also needed to be right. You know, for me, like being wrong was losing. And so I was like, I need to win at all costs. I need to be right at all costs. And anytime I lost in a game, I was the worst loser. Because my self-worth and my value was tied to winning or losing. And even when I won, sometimes I wouldn't be happy because I would beat myself up about how I could have been better. Amazing. So I kind of appreciate the journey. Yeah. We just always got to get better, got to get to the goal, got to get to the goal.

39:03Yeah. Everybody that's listening, including me, frankly, a lot of us relate to that. Yeah. And we're going to talk about some solutions to that too. Or those of you that are watching this, you certainly know someone like us. Sure, sure. And it's interesting because you have that event. You have a brother who goes to prison. I didn't know, but you go to a boarding school when you were 13. You had a, it's amazing that you end up becoming one of the most sought after people on the planet to improve people's lives. And yet you have these events that you didn't allow eventually to define who you were.

39:32There's a significant one though, as you know. I think it's the genesis of the book, probably. But if you don't mind taking them through this, you had some sexual abuse happen to you. And you were a very young boy. I mean, very young. So you had the 13, you had the brother go to prison, you had the dodgeball game. But the biggie... Yeah, when I was five, yeah, it was... Here's the thing. When I was five, I was raped by a man that I didn't know. And for 25 years, no one knew about it. I want to ask you this because I've not heard you answer this. Are you telling me literally you didn't tell anybody?

40:04I didn't tell anyone. I told a professor my freshman year in college. I said, you know, something happened to me, but I didn't tell him what. Wow, so mom and dad definitely didn't. Parents didn't know, friends didn't know. I never told anyone exactly what happened. Wow. I was too afraid to let people know. And so for 25 years, I'm 34 now. When I was 30, I went through a bunch of different challenges in my life with an intimate relationship I was in, a business partnership I was in, and just everything looked good on the outside. People were like, man, you're crushing it, Louis. But I was suffering on the inside, and I didn't know why.

40:41And I don't know if you've ever felt that when your business took off, or you're like, why am I not fulfilled? I absolutely do, yes. You felt that before? Of course. And for me, I was taking all of this, I was just angry, constantly angry. I was doing great in my business, but angry because I couldn't figure out how to cope and understand my emotions. So I took all this frustration out on the basketball court. Every day I would go play basketball a few blocks away. And every day, it was like I was looking for a fight. You know in college when you're like, I hope someone looks at me. Yeah, look at me wrong.

41:16Yeah, I'm going to slap you. Running to me the wrong way. Like, I'm going to beat you up. I was just looking for a fight. And I think that was the only way I knew how to express myself was through physical aggression. So many people are relating to this right now. That was my life. Football was my ability to just destroy people in a legal way without getting in trouble. I could get it out every single day. So when you don't have that anymore, it's like, I need to go play basketball and rough it out. Because I didn't know how to cope with my emotions or what I was going through. I just didn't have the skills or the tools.

41:46So every day I would go out and play basketball, and I just constantly, someone would yap at me, and it was like I had to step to them like I was the alpha dog and, like, shove them and scream at them and just show them that they weren't going to mess with me until they backed down. Just to tell you, because being in your presence and being around you. I'm not that way. Yeah, and our mutual friends, no one would describe you this way now. Exactly, exactly. Great. And, you know, I'm typically, I was typically not that way either. Like, I'm always a very loving, like, happy person. But there's a trigger thing.

42:13There's a trigger. Like if you cross the trigger, it was like you were going to go down. Or I was going to go down or something. And so every day it was like waiting for someone to hit me. And they wouldn't hit me. I would like push at them. I would scream back at them. I'd be like, don't talk shit to me. Don't do this. Don't like whatever. To a no stakes pick a basketball game in West Hollywood. It's not like anything's on the line. Yeah, it's like. And one day after a few months of this, I'm guarding a guy who's much bigger than me. older than me. And we're getting in a heated battle back and forth.

42:47He's fouling me hard. I'm fouling him hard. But it's kind of like this is what you do in the street ball, right? You're kind of fouling each other hard, but it's all good. It's fair game. He's calling it. I'm calling it. It gets down to the last point, game point for both of us, both teams. He gets a ball down, getting ready to shoot a layup. I fouled him hard. You know, I grabbed his arm down so he can't score because the game would be over. I guess it was enough was enough for him. And he came at me and headbutts me. Now this was the trigger that put me over the top and said Incredible Hulk is coming out.

43:18Snap city. Snap city. It was like I can't even remember because I just put him in a headlock and just started UFC pounding him, throwing him to the ground on top of him just like unleashing all this anger. It had to come out somewhere. Yeah. And this was the moment it exploded because I didn't know how to let it come out any other way. Now afterwards I remember it was shaking so much because it got up and there was blood gushing out everywhere all over the court. The police station is right across the street. It snaps back into me like, I have everything to lose here. I could go to jail. What if something happens?

43:53What if I actually hurt him really bad? Whatever. What if my whole life could be over from one moment? I know what happened to my brother going to prison from one drug deal that he was involved in. One thing he got caught, which put him into prison, sentenced six to 25 years. He got out in four and a half in good behavior. So all of a sudden I'm like, how stupid can I be to allow my emotions to get the best in me to react? After that point, my friends were like, you know, you need some help, man. Really? Like, you need some help. It wasn't that bad, but they were like, why are you doing this? But that shouldn't happen, right?

44:30Why are you allowing this to happen? Did you know why then? Do you think you knew? I think I was just like angry at everything. No matter how successful you are, you're still, there's this angry piece of you. Because I would achieve all these things that I wanted, but then I was like angry right when I'd achieve them. Like it didn't fulfill me. Yes, yes. So I was like, I need to get bigger. I need to make more. I need to like get more goals. I need to do this. Like maybe then I'll feel good. And none of it made me feel good. I don't know if you felt that way. Like I need to get 10 million, then 100 million, then I need to sell my company.

44:58Yes. And then I'm going to feel great. And maybe it felt great, maybe not. But if it does, it's temporary. And you're exactly right. Everybody watching this that's had any level of achievement that thinks once I get something else or I get to this place, then I'll be happy, then I'll be happy, then I'll be happy. And you and I also both know lots of very wealthy people who are completely unhappy. They're like Tony Robbins talks about all the time. Success without fulfillment is complete failure, right? So I relate to that level of failure. So do a lot of people. And those of you that are chasing your dream, you've got to find a way, and we're going to talk about this in a minute, to enjoy you now.

45:33I'll celebrate you now. Because when you get to these different places, guess who arrives there? You. And if you're there with the same damage, with these same masks on, the amount of money you have just sometimes, frankly, magnifies the pain that you're in, I think. Because you can act out different ways. So go ahead. So you have this event. So my friends start saying, and I kind of come to an awareness of like, I remember running back from those courts up into my room up here, looking in the mirror shaking because I've got blood all over me. And I'm like, what am I doing? The last fight I was in was when I was like 15 or something.

46:04And I'm like, why am I doing this? Look at myself in the mirror, literally like, why? Why are you doing this? Who are you? And who do you want to become? I was just asking myself this over and over. And I started to say, okay, I need to take a deeper look at why I'm so resentful, why I'm so angry, why I'm so frustrated, and why I'm triggered. Why am I triggered when someone steps to me or says something to me or leaves a negative review online? Or why do I always have to defend myself? So I started calling some therapist friends of mine that I knew, some spiritual coaches that I knew. I started going to workshops.

46:38And I went to this one emotional intelligence workshop that, similar to like what Tony does, where he had us address kind of our past. Past with our parents, past with girlfriends, past with friends, like childhood and just kind of addressing it all. We recreated and reenacted situations to face ourselves in those moments. and recognize why we've come that way. And after I was in this five-day workshop, and after the third day, we had done a lot, you know, addressing our past. I'd cleared with my parents internally. I'd cleared with, like, relationships. And the facilitator of this workshop, there were about 50 people in it, he said, okay, we're moving forward to focus on our vision for our future, the things you want to create, the person you want to become.

47:25We've addressed everything in the past, but if there's anything you haven't addressed yet, But now's the time to talk about it. Otherwise, we're moving forward. Like, get on the ship. And so I'm going through in my mind at this moment. Like, it's a pause in the room. And I'm going through. I'm like, my parents getting divorced. Yeah, like, pretty much everyone has done that, right? Okay, I went through that. Feeling bullied and picked on. I talked about this. Feeling, like, insecure in school. My brother in prison. Like, I talked about all these things. And I was like, what about the time I was raped by a man?

47:56It just kind of came in my mind. And this was always in the back of my mind. You know, every week I would think about that moment. It would come up, like just kind of randomly pop in and out of my head. And I would just push it to the side. And I remember thinking to myself, if I don't say this now, I'll probably never say it to anyone. Like the setting was perfect. I had gone through enough challenges and breakdowns in my life where I was like, I'm willing to figure out whatever it is, I'm going to go there. And so I just stood up, walked to the front of the room. I didn't even ask for permission or anything.

48:31I just stood up, walked to the front of the room. And I remember, Ed, that I couldn't look anyone in the eyes. So I was staring down the entire time at the ground. And I walked through for the first time, just looking down. You know, when I was five years old, I was at the babysitter's. The babysitter had a son who was a teenager. And I just walked through the entire thing. and I couldn't look up because I was so embarrassed and so ashamed of people knowing this about me and when I was complete I said it pretty calmly you know I just kind of said it very calmly and when I went to walk down it's like almost the moment I sat down it's like I erupted of tears that I've never had in my life and I just couldn't stop crying I was just like crying over and over again thankfully there were two women on either side of me that were holding me they were crying I was crying.

49:18I was embarrassed and ashamed of what I just said of people knowing this about me because I wasn't perfect looking anymore. I wasn't this like all-American guy who had it figured out anymore. And I remember running out of the room outside. It was in a hotel conference room. I ran outside because I just needed some fresh air. I had my head up against the wall outside. And one of the most beautiful things that ever happened to me happened next. one by one the men who were in the room came up to me outside and just gave me a big hug looked me in my eyes and told me that I was their hero one by one they said different things like that and the crazy thing the thing that I'm I was afraid of people knowing about me the most was actually the thing that when I shared it people connected with me even more and trusted me more and people kept saying that like wow I thought like something completely different about you but now I trust you now I'll follow you anywhere like they said these things to me I was like what that makes no sense you know everything that I was afraid of that I was taught not to be a little bitch a little girl a little pussy a little fag whatever the words were that made you wrong that made you different that pushed people away from you I was taught to like fit in by like being manly having it figured it out you know winning like talking bad to people but whatever it may be.

50:41And none of those things served my heart. And it started to awaken everything in me. Like when I finally opened up about that, I just said, you know what, I'm gonna open up about everything. How? Because the freedom it gave me to realize, wow, you still accept me for who I am, or the things I've been through, and you still like me. You actually like me more. You trust me more. I was like, what? this concept of like being real. Yeah. Not that I wasn't real, but I think I was always like had a little bit of layer of a mask hiding behind. We all do. And what's amazing, sorry I'm getting a little joked, but of all the, I mean I read all these personal development books.

51:25I listen to all these guys. It's the most compelling story I've read. I'm just going to tell you. I appreciate it. No, it is brother. Because the courage, I think it takes courage when you're five, but to carry it and carry it and carry it and carry it and then release it like this massive, it's a jargantuan amount of courage, right? Thank you. It does, brother. And I think for the people that are listening to this, because this is corny to say, but like often in our life, our greatest test is actually our defining testimony of our life. Like that was the greatest test of your life, and it's really the testimony of your life.

51:59Like everything you're becoming was unleashed because you finally took your mask off. That was the big mask you were. Huge for me. The secret I was carrying around my whole life that I didn't want anyone to know. And here's the crazy thing. You know, the people in that workshop were like, you should tell your family. And I was like, there's no way. So even after that? I was still scared to let anyone. I was like, this is a safer container. You know, it's like confidential. Like no one's going to hear about this. Yeah. But I was willing to explore and see what I needed to let go of to see what I could create in my life.

52:31Eventually, I was like, okay, I'm going to tell my family one by one. And it was terrifying. But again, when I told them, they opened up to things about me that I didn't know. And we built a stronger relationship as a family. Then they were like, you should tell your friends. I was like, no way. My family has to love me. You know what I mean? But my friends, they're probably not going to accept me anymore. But I started doing it one by one. What was it like? Was it, would you go into them like, uh-uh? I think I went back to just being terrified as a kid. Like, what if they don't accept me? Same thing.

53:00Same thing. It was like the fear of what if people don't accept me. But one by one, people accepted me even more. and they trusted me even more and they were there for me more and had compassion. You know, humanity is a powerful thing when you show vulnerability. I truly believe that other people who have deep hearts are going to open up even more. So do I. You know, there may be some people who are going to be so guarded they can't receive it, but usually most people have a great heart. You're right. And my friends started saying, you've got to share this publicly. And I was like, no fucking way.

53:29Well, now you're... Right, right. They're like, you should do this on your podcast. I was like, no, it's going to hurt my business. Like what people are really going to think weird about me. Yeah. But after six months of me just saying, you know what? I need to continue to talk about this because it still has power over me. Because when I talk about it, I quiver, I palpitate my heart. Like it still owns me. And I don't want this thing to own me anymore. I want to own it. And so I finally had enough courage to just kind of tell all the close people in my life, my friends and family. And it wasn't a hard thing anymore to talk about it.

54:02You know, it's still a moment that I wish no one to go through. Of course. But it doesn't take over my body. And so I said, you know what, I need to do this publicly because I felt like I'd never seen another white, straight male, jock-looking guy open up about this. Yeah. I've never seen it. Maybe it's happened, but I just... Nor have I. I can't think of, like, some personality or athlete or business leader who has opened up about it. And one in six men have been sexually abused in some way. One in six. And yet it's not acceptable to talk about it. Whether it be to friends and family or publicly or whatever.

54:41It's just, I'm not saying everyone should publicly talk about it. Sure. But I felt like for me. I love what you said about it still owning you. It was owning you. Yeah. Yeah. And I was just like, I felt a duty, a responsibility to continue to talk about it. Because, and here's the thing that happened. And when I put it on my podcast, I talked about it on my podcast. I did a whole episode about it four years ago. I shared it out at night. I posted it out at night. Like 11 o 'clock. I was right here in this room. I posted it out and I went out and sat on that patio right there. And I sent out one tweet.

55:17And I just said, I'm going to leave it up to the universe to see what happens. I didn't promote it anyway. I just put one tweet out. And I was like, I'm going to go to bed and see. Hopefully no one watches this. You know, I was like, hopefully no one saw it. You want to do what you don't. And the crazy thing is I went outside and it was like, it was 11 o 'clock at night, but it felt like it was daytime. It was the largest moon in the last hundred years that happened that night. It was a super moon. And it was like, I didn't know this was happening at that time. I just decided I needed to post it then.

55:43And it kind of gives me chills thinking about it. And I was looking up the definition of like, what's a super moon mean? And it's like, super moons like shifts the world. And I was like, this is crazy, right? And over the next couple of weeks, I was getting hundreds of emails from men sending essays telling me, I've been married for 35 years. My wife doesn't know. This is what happened to me. I've been in this relationship for this long. I've never told anyone. You know, this happened to me for years when I was a kid. You know, the craziest stories I've ever heard made mine look like a Disney movie compared to some of the stuff that men were emailing me.

56:19but it's like I gave these men who listened permission for the first time to talk about it because if a big jock looking guy like me yeah right good looking big jock athlete successful if I talk about it then maybe someone else can talk about it and the healing that started to happen from within of these men where they finally started to talk to their partner about it where they finally started to address it where they finally started to not be so stoic or so driven by sexual mask or the material mask to make themselves feel better they started to communicate in healthier forms and and just show a little bit of emotion show a little bit of vulnerability and heal from within and they got healthier physically their businesses grew their relationships thrived yeah because they were able to communicate yeah and i think as men we've been conditioned not to share certain things to be tough to be these things to not be weak to not be soft yeah to not show emotion to not show affection you know as a kid I was always like pushed away from my friends when I would be like, it's so good to see you.

57:22You know, I would like put an arm around a guy, not in a sexual way, just like buddy, buddy. Yeah. And be like, get off me. What are you gay? Yes. It's interesting. I was going to tell you something because I'm that way too. I have touchy feeling, especially it's funny, especially with, it's like when I see my buddies, I touch them. That was a great conversation. And if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Milet show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Here's an excerpt I did with our next guest. Welcome back to the show, everybody. Hey, have you ever thought about like running a marathon?

57:52Because I've thought about it. I'm like, there's an Ironman in Coeur d 'Alene where I spent my summers. Just the marathon part of it, I was like, that's bananas, 26 miles, you know. Have you ever thought about doing that or ever watch one of these Ironmans and go, man, I'm gonna do that someday. And by the way, it's like about a two and a half mile swim, 112 miles on a bike, 26 mile run. And that's kind of what an iron length triathlon is. I want you to imagine doing one of those. Then I want you to imagine getting up the next day and doing it again. Can you imagine back-to-back days? Then I want you to contemplate thinking about doing it 30 freaking days in a row.

58:34You got that? How about 50 days in a row? How about 100 days in a row? Get your mind around that. Okay. That would be one of the great all-time athletic endurance feats in the history of the world. And simultaneously, one of the great mental toughness and resiliency feats of all time. Guess what? I got the dude here today who did it. A hundred in a row in a hundred days. His name is Iron Cowboy, James Lawrence. Welcome to the program, brother. I've sat at those Ironmans because I lived in Coeur d 'Alene so I've sat at an actual Ironman one of the trademark ones and I don't go to watch the pros finish I've gone I like to go at nighttime it's usually raining and you're watching a 82 year old priest finish right before the end of the night right or a guy with a prosthetic leg or a lady who's just survived stage four cancer and what happens to you when you watch something like that and then what you've done is some level that's just beyond comprehension almost is that I weep and everyone's crying.

59:47And I, after about six years of doing this, my kids are like, dad cries once a year, you know, it's watching these beautiful souls make something that seemed impossible possible. And I concluded that we're all crying because we know this courage, this mental toughness, this incredible thing, these people are displaying, we also have inside us and we're not utilizing. And that's why it's a tear. It's not laughter. It's a tear because I know it's tears of joy, but it's also tears of personal reflection. And when I was watching you finish this thing, I was reflecting. It's amazing you're listening to some of my stuff, but I was, I was reflecting, I just literally lost my breath saying, I was reflecting like, what am I capable of?

1:00:26You know, what, what's the last massive challenge I've taken on in my life? And I'm curious for you, I want to go through it because I think there's metaphors everywhere. So he's, by the way, the reason I started with 30 and 50 is he's done that. And then when you do the 50 and 50, I'm like, bro, I like you're out of your damn mind. Right. And then to go do the conquer 100, but I'm reading about both, you know, both of those last two, it's inspiring. Right. But this time, like day five, your shins start exploding, right? Like you're on day five. Talk, talk us through that. Did you think of quitting then?

1:00:59So, so two really cool things happened that took me a little bit of time to realize. I went into it knowing that you can't train for a hundred consecutive. You have to adapt and evolve along the way. And I knew, look, the first 15 and 20 of these are going to be hell because you've got to get to the point where you're broken physically, mentally, and then push through that. And that's where everybody quits. And if I can push through that, my body's going to adapt and evolve and it's going to become the new normal. Everybody, I want you to write this down, pull over, adapt and evolve. That's in your business.

1:01:34That's in your family. That's in your fitness. That's, that's the key. Go ahead. Keep going. Yeah. And so when I went into it with an ankle problem that I didn't tell anybody about and it immediately exploded into my shin to where we developed a stress fracture in the bone and super long story, but a miracle happened. We ended up getting a carbon plated shin brace that allowed us to offload the shin and continue on to heal that stress fracture by doing the marathon portion every single day. It was a total miracle, but a complete testament to me that you give the body the tools and assets that it needs to recover, it can still do so under stress.

1:02:23And that was amazing to me to watch the body heal like that. Now the, the, the shin and the, and the imbalance that created a hip problem became so painful. Some of my worst days, um, I don't remember them, but we have the video footage where I would be, um, trying to move and the pain would get to a point that I could no longer manage it. And I would black out. and my my we called him the wingman my wingman would catch me i'd come back to and he would do a 10 second countdown and then say here we go and we would repeat that until i got to i'm gonna be emotional but until i got to the finish line that night and um again it's just a testament to how powerful the mind is now i i was angry because um i wanted to showcase how strong our team was mentally and physically and i wanted to make the hundred look easy i believed we could do that um and i was angry that i couldn't run and that i was forced to walk

1:03:39and it turned out to be the biggest blessing of the entire campaign um why my my um my pain and discomfort forced me to walk and every single day we had people from around the country fly in and locals to support us. And without fail, they said, I'm so grateful you're walking because I wouldn't have been able to join you.

1:04:13if you if you weren't walking and uh and I was hard on myself because I was like look I'm an athlete. I want to destroy this. And as, as I, as I got deeper into it, I was like, I'm so grateful for this injury. I'm so grateful I'm walking and, and my, my pain has turned into a blessing that other people can join and have an experience. And every single day, somebody did their first 10k with me or their first marathon or their first full distance or their first hundred a hundred mile bike ride and every single day I got to experience somebody else's first and it was humbling and it was um yeah humbling wow I mean by the end of this you guys a couple hundred people riding cyclists with them and you I actually for you am grateful that it didn't look easy because I think you connected at least with me watching you struggle.

1:05:22I'm on Instagram every night watching these videos when it was happening. And like, there were literally times for me watching you, like I'm in tears, like not wondering the next day, just, but it's one of the most, I don't even like to say one of the most, because when I say that, then I have to think of something that I think is more, it's just insanely inspiring. And I can't think of something mentally or physically I've ever seen close to this because of the adversity, because of all the people that got caught up in it with you. Also, though, there's another element of this that, you know, this idea of adapting, man, I'm just so glad that you said that for everybody's sake, but I'm curious of all of them, the one time you did the 50 or this time, was there a moment where you're like, I'm out, I'm going to tap, like you're literally blacking out, right?

1:06:13So So that's insane to me. But was there a time when you just consciously went, I'm in too much pain. I'm in too much. Because, guys, these are icy roads, snowy sometimes. You imagine shin issues on a snowy ice. Oh, my gosh. Like, was there a point or are there lots of points where you're like, I'm out? Was there one particular bro where you're like, no, no, no. Like, this time I'm really out.

1:06:40So my team is world class. And, and there's, there's the core four of us. It's my wife, Sunny, Joe, and then the two wingman, Casey and Aaron. And they were, they were the four of us thick and thin through the 50. And then, and then I brought those boys back on for the hundred and they played massive roles. And Sunny is obviously the head of this, this entire thing. And we, we just know from experience that it's okay to feel, and it's not okay to quit. It's okay to problem solve. It's not okay to quit.

1:07:18And it's okay to process. And I think that's what a lot of people don't do, especially men, is they don't allow themselves to feel and process before they hunker down and keep going. At no point in time was ever any of us saying, you know, we're quitting. We got to be talked back into it. But every single one of us had moments where we just needed to cry to feel, be supported to where we said, okay, I've had my two minutes. I'm not going to dwell on it. We're going to quickly turn this around and we're going to get back to work. And that's the reason the four of us are so strong together because all four of us have that mindset.

1:07:58And I will tell you this, the closest that I ever came to even considering it was somewhere between 15 and 20, where we were at the peak of that pain, where I had a couple days where I was blacking out. I don't remember portions of it. And I remember standing in the shower and I kind of just shrugged my shoulders at Sunny. And I said, I don't know how many more days I can manage the pain at that level. Because when you've got 85 more days to go, that is so, it's so daunting. And when you're broken, you, it's hard to conceptualize what it's like. And I'll never forget what she said. she said um you're done today and you don't have to do anything else and all you have to do is now trust in the team get out of the shower go lay on the table and let them take care of you and then we will face whatever comes tomorrow together gosh and i think that's what a lot of people don't do is is you've you've got this today's mentality of the people that do decide to show up that it's like, I got to go in all the time.

1:09:11I got to go all in all the time. I got to hurt more than he does. And they don't take two seconds to reset mentally. And I can't tell you how important that was. And the valuable lesson that I learned was you've done enough today to take two seconds and reset. And as soon as I got into that rhythm, knowing, and again, it takes putting the right team together and then it takes letting go and trusting the team that you have put together to do their job, to do their part. And that's hard too as a man to let go of like control of every piece of that puzzle and to go, I surrender and I trust you to do your part.

1:10:00And it's hard to find good people nowadays that are willing to do their part. And I have that team. And so when Sonny said, you've done enough today. And I think that's so important because we go through life and I think we're so hard on ourselves. We see ourselves differently. And how many times in our lives, on our journeys, do we take a minute and say, you're enough? You've done enough. And I think it's so important, especially as men, to be vulnerable and just say, I've done enough today. I'm going to take on tomorrow when tomorrow comes. Before we start the interview with my next guest, just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify.

1:10:44We have all the links in our show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Now on with the show. Welcome back to Max Out, everybody. Today's awesome. It's going to be awesome. I got a nine-time pro bowler in the NFL, NFL Hall of Famer, and my lifetime as a 49-year-old man, the greatest safety I've ever seen play on a football field. Wow. But what's going to be remarkable about today is there's so much more depth to this man than just football. We're going to talk about faith, mental health, achievement, being in the present moment. And he's also just gifted with an incredible ability to articulate his thoughts.

1:11:18Before I introduce him, if you want to go watch one of the all-time great induction speeches into a hall of fame go youtube brian dawkins uh entry into the hall of fame speech absolutely mind-blowing so i kind of gave it away brian dawkins welcome to max out it is a blessing to be on here with you i am a fan i'm a fan of yours and how you use your message and who you are to be able to strengthen so many people thus far and then you have so many more yet to come so it's a pleasure for me to be on on your show my honor so one thing you did that was interesting I think passion causes you to out-prepare people.

1:11:54So one of the things you did, y 'all should go look this up, but he creates this character, like Weapon X, right? He come out in this bear crawl. He walked out on his Hall of Fame speech in a bear crawl, right? But he created this character that he almost transformed. There's this transformation that took place. You say, well, that's great for an athlete. You know, I teach my fighters, go in there in this character. But I think everybody should have this character. When I go speak in public, I literally picture myself. I'll tell you what you guys do. I flood. I'm Superman. I flood myself as this character.

1:12:23I picture Jesus. I picture the two or three greatest speakers. I kind of flood myself with this energy that transforms me. I used to do it when I'd go on a sales call. I'm going to give a speech like you can. You know what's cool about picking a character, too, in business? If you get rejected, it's kind of the character that got rejected. It's his fault. Right. But talk about Weapon X, this whole Wolverine thing. And it was legitimately real. I don't want to interrupt you, but this man had a locker next to his damn locker for a weapon X. No one does that crap in the NFL. So talk about that for me, the power of that.

1:12:57I've always been even growing up, I was always an emotional kid. So we lose a game when I'm going to be the one crying, not want to shake people's hand. You know, that was me. So I was already someone who was emotional. some people call it matter of fact um teammates would call me mean like we lose a game so i'm you know you don't want to be around me because i'm mean so not being able to deal with some of the fluctuations of of testosterone and the like with some of the things that i dealt with but i also had a that again that passion that that go back to that word passion right so when i flipped the switch for practice and games, I was a different dude.

1:13:39Literally, I was a different dude, different cat. I don't want to don't. I'm not smiling with you. I'm not playing with you, especially we start doing competitive stuff. No, it's go time. So I'm going to do whatever it takes to win in that situation. I read this thing that you said preparation, energy, prayer. Like, is that part of this transformation? Yes. Yes. So in order for me to perform at the levels that I was blessed to perform at, I had to have everything in line. And prayer was very important in that. So specific things that I do, if you go to briandolphins.com, you'll see it. It's called the Bookprint Challenge.

1:14:15It's specific things that I do every day to help me be the best version of myself. And throughout the week, if I'm prayed up, if I've been meditating and I ask the Lord to take away any and all distractions and clear my heart of any and all burdens I may bear so I may perform my very best, knowing you'll always be there. Please lift me up before this moment so through your eyes I may see and have a clear understanding as this game unfolds before me. With great courage, I will meet this challenge that you would have me to. But keep me humble. Remind me that my strength comes from knowing you. That's called the athlete's prayer, right?

1:14:48And so when you have that mindset that, first of all, I'm not doing this by myself, I'm going to need help to get some of these distractions out of my heart so that I can pour everything that I have on game day. I'm not just giving my teammates what I have left. I'm giving them everything that I have. And it's different. It's different. I had teammates that gave me what they had left because they were doing stuff on Thursday night. They was out. They weren't getting the massages. They weren't taking the supplements. And they were maybe even out drinking, doing things. So they were giving us what they had left.

1:15:28I was giving them everything that I had. Wow. Wow. And so I can, I can then as a leader, once I've earned the right to be a leader of someone, now I can then demand or ask that in return because I know exactly what I'm giving. Right. And so going, going back to Wolverine, that came into fruition because people saw that I had all those figures in my locker. I love Wolverine. And so that's how it became Wolverine. Before that it was idiot man. I called him idiot man. He was, he was, I was idiot, man. I turned into idiot man. Cause it's, it's, it's go time. It was idiot, idiot man time. And then it became Wolverine because again, CBS, one of the news places that was doing the, the, the playoffs that year, they saw that I had all those figurines up there.

1:16:15But the thing that I tell people to this day, Brian Dawkins could not perform and do the things that he did on the field. Brian Dawkins could not do it. There's no way Brian Dawkins survives on the football field. If I go out with that, with my laid back, Brian Dawkins is an introvert for the most part. Brian Dawkins does not need to be the light in the room. I mean, the loudest voice in the room. Brian Dawkins would just sit back and just watch people act a fool and just laugh at him to be honest. But when it comes to go time, when I flip that dog on switch, when I put that brief stride on that last little piece, I would literally say to myself, Brian Dawkins has become idiot man.

1:16:58And it's go time. It's time to go. And what I found is that I know now that energy is transferable. That same individual so-called that I turned into on game day, to your point, I can use the same type of thought process to help me through whatever I may be going through. Whether it's a meeting, to your point, it's a certain when I go and speak can give motivational speeches, I get in front of them and like, listen, put your hand and we're going to count to three because you are my teammates and you have not entered into my huddle. And I'm going to talk to you like I would talk to my teammates and we're in the fourth quarter and we need this drive.

1:17:36So the rest of this meeting, the rest of this conference or whatever it is, I'm going to talk to you in those terms. So sometimes my wife hear me talk and say, why are you yelling at them? I'm yelling at them because it's good time. We need to get off the feel and i and i need them to see life differently see their lives differently i need them to come up with plans in their own minds i if if nothing ever prevented you from being the best version of yourself nobody told you you were limited you you had never failed at anything and you know you wouldn't fail going forward what would you dream how big would your dreams be so good i'm watching your face right now i'm fired the f up right like i'm watching you and a couple things just want to unpack on there you guys number one energy is transferable this is a big big deal but just ask yourself would it serve you to create a damn character for you in some way i'm telling you you start to embody we all have these insecurities like people meet me when they're like i can't believe how quiet and introverted you are and you know i like to listen to people i'm not i don't like being the center of attention yet i have to you know i speak in front of lots of people or coach people that's sort of it's a part of my personality it's just like it's just like you know wolverine was yours but it's not the main part like it's not that i'm not expressing myself but the main means the introvert the main means is i enjoy being this other dude but here's what people don't get i want you to listen when you talk about on energy because you just watched him do it if you're watching youtube you felt it if you're driving in your car right now right or you're you know on a treadmill somewhere i think people underestimate the amount of energy required to dominate just energy it takes to vibrate at a high enough damn frequency when you're a dominator in business life relationships money your body i'm tired after i do certain things right like because i've expended so much energy true or false for you true matter of fact after this interview i'm going to be drained because i know that i exerted i poured out like i gave of myself when you give up yourself first of all we go back to the confidence thing that you talked about earlier yeah you have to be confident that i can do this that i can be that when i see myself and i enter a room i think about myself as being a a a thermostat like i want to be a thermostat not a thermometer anytime that i enter into a room right especially where i am now as an as a a life coach and, you know, executive a little bit, a consultor.

1:20:05I want to be able to, in those moments, if the temperature is too low, I need to bring it up a little bit. If it's flat and nobody really wants to, what can I do? Matter of fact, before I enter into that doorway, I've already decided what the energy I'm going to bring. One of the things that I do in the morning, before I get out of the car to go into the office, when I was an executive, I would part and I would say a quick little prayer. Okay. this is what I'm bringing. When I walk into the threshold of that door, this is what they're going to get. And I go in there purposefully. Once again, I flip that switch.

1:20:40It's not full blown Wolverine. It's not all the way. I'm not bear crawling into the office. But I'm coming in with a specific energy because what I want to be and what I'm going to be because I'm choosing to be it is someone that when you see me coming, a smile comes to your face. I want to be that. I don't want to be when someone calls me on the phone and you see my number and you're like, oh, man. No, that's not the energy that I'm going to exude. I'm going to exude the type of energy that actually pushes you, fills you up. I want to give to you. And that's one of the reasons that I've decided to answer the call of me stepping out and talking to people more about how I was blessed to do what I did.

1:21:32And it's not something that I own. It's something, yes, I own. Yes, it is mine, but it's not something that's just mine because I don't believe wisdom is something I'm supposed to take to the grave with me. That's right. One of the things that's unique about you is you actually really did it. What's rare in coaching today, social media today, someone actually has a track record of doing what they say you should be doing, that they're teaching you, and they go, hey, by the way, see this thing behind me right here? This is the Hall of Fame. Like, it kind of worked. See these nine Pro Bowls? See my family?

1:22:05See my faith? You know, it kind of works. And then they point to it. I'd like to think that's why my following group is like, oh, he was all ready. He's teaching me what he knows. One thing on the energy thing, too, that I just want to share with you that was interesting for me and everyone listening to it, how's the supply? One, sometimes people do take that to extreme, like, all right, I'm going to walk in a room. And then you disconnect. You got to kind of meet people where they are. But then leaders shift the energy. Yes. They become that thermostat. But one of the things that was just interesting for me, I had done this because it does drain you.

1:22:37I just want to share this with you. I don't know if you had any of this happen when you played football. And for business men and women listening to this. for me, I was really good at that with my friends. I was good at that in the gym, in my sports. I was really good at it in business, but I wasn't conscious of doing that with my family. So in my home, I wasn't, I was the leader of my home, but I don't know that I, I kind of expended a lot of my energy. Then I was just kind of me at home. And I became conscious maybe just a few years ago of like, Hey man, I got to set the energy tone for our family.

1:23:09We're going to do something great right and that was where if I'm being vulnerable to my audience that was the area I had to step up and shift in the energy in my family and you're nodding I'm just curious with you yes yes I was especially as a player I was so spent from giving whether it be training I would do specific things like I would create in my schedule per day an opportunity to talk to teammates if they need something you know even some coaches when I was in Denver we were losing we were losing quite a bit and so I find myself counseling a lot of guys a lot of even some coaches spiritually and professionally so I was when I would get home and I was older so I was it took me longer to recover and so I was not always in the best of moods when I got home so when I retired my daughters the twins were like babies and for the longest because they really responded to me like I was a stranger.

1:24:09They knew me, but they weren't as, I guess, close to me as the older two were. My older two, we have four. So it took me coming out of that, coming to that realization that you're talking about. And I have to bring that same energy, that similar understanding on giving and being open. And wow, thank you for this. I got to the point where I understood that I needed to be more emotionally available to my family. That's how it came to me. You need to be more emotionally available. What does that mean for me? That means that I need to come to them with a blank space, expression-wise, body, energy-wise, for them to be able to paint on.

1:25:02So they want to hug me. They want to kiss me. They want to watch TV. They want to do something. I need to be available for them. And my wife as well, Connie as well. I need to be emotionally available in that space. so you're right yes i had to come to that that was not something that that hit me when i was a player to be honest beautiful something that came after retirement beautiful one thing i want to say that you said there that i just made me reflect on myself that i need to improve but i've been two two grown men being very vulnerable a lot of testosterone just dropped here in the room but um you know about that blank slate i'll tell you something i need to improve i'm just i'm just talking now it's like everyone's listening on our conversation but that blank slate thing's powerful.

1:25:45Those of you that are really achievers and you're learning all these tactics and things that Brian and I teach about peak performance and mindset and all these things. One of the things I have to be is more of a blank slate at home because I find myself coaching people all the time. Sometimes your children don't want you to coach them. They just want you to be that blank slate and let them do their thing and love on them. I have this tendency like, hey, that's how you should say this. This is what you should you need in this mindset. You know, you can actually push people away that are close to you if you do too much of that stuff without them wanting it.

1:26:12like that's one thing i gotta work on myself yes and and again coming to that realization and that understanding of that is so important not everybody will do that not everybody will admit that they will continue to do the same thing the way that they've always done it get the same results whether that be your kids not wanting to be around you or you know they see you coming and you know you get the little eye rolls so i give them again i give them their space and allowing them once again to lead a discussion, to lead where we're going. During this time, during the pandemic, I've been very intentional of spending time doing some of the stuff that they like, especially watching cartoons.

1:26:56I love cartoons anyway. So, you know, but watching cartoons with them, sitting down to see, you know, what they like, what their days have been like, being more emotionally, once again, available to have those conversations with them. And to your point, we as men, especially, you don't need to fix everything. They don't, our wives don't need to fix everything. Sometimes it's just to listen, to practice the art of listening. That was a great conversation. Be sure to follow the Ed Milet show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. All right. Welcome back to Max Out, everybody.

1:27:30Today is an honor for me because I didn't even want to tell him this off camera, but this man has changed my life. Many, many years ago, I was living at home with my mom and dad. And my dad got me a job, as most of you know, at an orphanage at a group home. And about three days later, he says, you need to start to get motivated. And he said, I just heard this guy in the car, somebody gave me one of his tapes, you need to listen to this man, he's incredible. And I put the cassette in and my life started to change. And that was the journey of listening to literally hundreds, hundreds of hours of this man's work impacted my life.

1:28:05I consider him to be the greatest speaker I've ever seen or heard, and many of you know that that's something that I do as well, so I'm pretty scrutinizing about those things. This is a man who was born as a twin in a dirty building on the floor. He was labeled as the not-so-smart twin, was labeled as a child to have some retardation. As a matter of fact, got adopted by Mamie, and the rest of it is one of the most amazing stories you're going to ever hear. And it's like an honor for me, everybody, to introduce this man to you, because today's going to be an absolute treasure with the great Les Brown.

1:28:39So Les, thank you so much for being here. Well, thank you so much for having me, and you're very modest. I'm looking at the greatest speaker on the planet. I don't think you can sneak up on me. I know when I'm in the presence of greatness, I listen to you. I thank you for the work that you're doing, the lives that you've transformed, and the impact that you're making on the planet. So I am so honored to be in your presence there. God bless you. When I introduced you as the greatest speaker that I've ever seen, and by the way, that short changes, I believe, greatest teacher, communicator that I've ever seen in my life.

1:29:13And the other one that made the impact on me was Art Williams, who I know you would both agree. This is a, it was an amazing communicator, still is. And so I met him one time and he gave me a nice compliment about a talk I had given. And so I said, well, there's only there's two I've ever seen in my life. And I said, it's you, Mr. Williams. And I said, and then Les Brown's in a class all his own. And I said, he's so talented and gifted. And he stopped me. And this leads to your mother. Again, a situation that I know about, I'd like you to share. And he goes, he's not that talented and gifted. He's a worker.

1:29:47He works. Les works at it. This is a skill he's developed. He wasn't born with this. He's worked at it. If you knew the people I know, this guy is on the road. He works. And then I was listening to you and this amazing, your mother's this theme in your life. But when you were a young boy, your mother lost the ability to work. And so I think the story is she starts sort of like making a little moonshine to sort of support the family. Right. And something happens. And I think you're like 10 years old, something like this. Right. And then you've got to take over. Would you just share this? Because I think everything happens for us, not to us.

1:30:21Our test will be our testimony. And the messes of our lives don't disqualify us. I think so many people think this mess I'm in, this divorce, this business failure, this choice I made, I'm not proud of that I'm ashamed of it. It disqualifies me, my background, my upbringing, I'm disqualified. Turns out you can turn those things in to be your testimony. And this situation with your mom, I think triggered this work ethic in you at a young age that Art told me about. Yes, Mama, she started selling homebrew and moonshine and, and it was difficult for us at that time for her raising seven children.

1:30:57She was injured on a job. And so she promised our birth mother that these children will never go to bed hungry. We will always have a roof over our head, our head and, and, and clothes on our back. and a man came. I'll never forget what you're talking about. So you've done your research as much as I've been doing research on you. You and I are so much alike. And this guy, his name was Calhoun and he knocked on the door. He said, Leslie, how are you doing? I said, fine. Mama always said, don't ever open the door without telling me. And I said, oh, hey, Mama, no, no, no, no, don't tell her. I've got two friends with me.

1:31:40We're going to surprise her. Open the door. And I opened the door and let them come in. And one of the guys grabbed me. I was 10 years old in the throat and hit me on the side of the head and threw me up against the wall. And he said, she's back there in the room. And they went back there. And Mama was selling homebrew and moonshine. And he said, pull up the linoleon. And they pull up the linoleon. And she kept it under the floor of the house that we were in. And they brought Mama out in handcuffs. And I said, Mama, I'm so sorry. And she said, it's OK, Leslie. It's OK. And she never, ever, ever mentioned it when she came back.

1:32:32And so we don't have any relatives. We adopted. So the neighbors, you know, they will come in and bring us food from time to time. And I would collect copper and aluminum and sometimes stand in the corner, hey, boy, come over and get on a truck with older men to move heavy equipment. But years later, fast forward, man, I had it in my heart. If I ever saw this guy again, I'll kill him. And boy, you know God, for he has a sense of humor. Well, here I am talking to my young son, John Leslie, who's a speaker and trainer. I said, John Leslie, anger is a wind that blows out the lamp of the mind. He said, what do you mean by that, Daddy?

1:33:25I said, don't allow anger to govern you. Never make a decision why you are angry. It blows out the wind of the mind. You make decisions and do things that you will regret later. At this time, a guy comes over and tapped me on the shoulder. And he said, hello, sir. I just want you to know we here in Miami are so proud of you. I had a talk show at King World. It paid me$5 million to do the Les Brown talk show. And I look. I'll never forget his face. I said to myself, oh, my God, it's Calhoun. Now, here's my son here. And I'm looking at this guy's face and put my mother in jail. And man, I start, I was just shouting the breath and John Leslie said, Dad, are you all right?

1:34:18I said, no. And this guy, he just wanted to shake my hand, man, yes, Leslie, man, you're really making us all proud. And I said, excuse me, sir, excuse me. And I went outside and my son said, what's going on? Is it something you ate?" I said, no. No, John Leslie. I got to go. I said, let's get in the car. I got to go. He said, what's happening, Dad? And I drove away for a little while, and I parked on the side to collect myself. I said, that man, he's the one that put your grandmother in jail. And I promise if I ever saw him again, I would kill him. He said, oh, God. I said, John Leslie, you know what?

1:35:13It's a God moment. He said, why? I said, I got that hatred out of my heart for him because you were here. I have to model what I'm teaching you. People say, practice what you preach. but now God put it in me. I got to preach what I practice. I got to forgive. And forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is remembering without anger. I forgive him, but most of all, I forgive myself. Please forgive me, God, for carrying this anger and hatred all these years. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Listen to me. I've never told this story before. Oh my gosh. This thing, you know, Forrest Gump had a point, life is like a box of chocolates.

1:36:10You never know what you're going to get. After all I got to say about that. I can't believe you just shared that with us. Oh my gosh. Your life is, one of the things about you, Les, is that your life is such an example of what's possible. I mean, everybody, I want you just picturing this about this beautiful man. I want you, this is, he's born, his mother ends up giving him to adoption to Mamie, he and his brother, they live in these conditions. He's 10 years old. His mother has to go away for a while. He's got to support the family. He's had all these incidents he's had to observe up close. There are other ones with his mother when she's cleaning houses and this woman claps her hands because she's got to know when her mother's in her room because she's going to steal something, which his mother would never do.

1:36:54This man goes on to influence millions, I mean, literally millions of people's lives. And then this is what's great about all of us making our dreams come true. When you make your dreams come true, the dreams of other people and dreams you can't picture also come true because then he influences this goofy dude, me, 20 something years old working at an orphanage. And it inspires me to change my life. So it's just your life is such an example. And what's interesting to me, Les, is it was mainly tied to mom, meaning you wanted to do something great for your mother all your life. And that was bigger, I think, than any obstacle that got in your way.

1:37:30I'd like you to share this with people because I think most people don't understand the power of having something big you're going after that means more to you than the pain you're going to have to go through in order to get it. I don't think enough people set huge, big goals that are from the heart. Don't you agree? Yes, you said that. I was listening to you last night. You know, Dexter Yeager, as you know from Amway, he said, if the dream is big enough, the odds don't matter. And so when you say dream big, that's major. One, there's power in pursuit. Because as Jim Rowan said, it's not the accomplishment of the goal that matters.

1:38:09It's what you become in pursuit of the dream in the process. because when you have a big dream, it will introduce you to a part of yourself that you don't know right now, that you will never discover in your comfort zone because in order to achieve that dream, you've got to die to who you are now. I must die daily. You must die to who you are now to give birth to who you are to become. I believe that all of us have stories of greatness in us and follow me as I say this as this downer we all have stories of greatness within us in the beginning was the word thou shalt agree a thing shall be established unto you when shall the kingdom of God come seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added unto you when shall it come the kingdom of God cometh not by observation they shall say is neither lo there lo here behold the kingdom of God is within you.

1:39:13And that kingdom is voice activated. So when you speak, people who are in a dark place, you will bring them out into the light. When you speak, somebody's got a gun to their head. When you speak, they'll realize life is God's gift to me and how I live my life is my gift to God. When you speak, someone who's depressed and feeling anxious will remember, be anxious for nothing. I'll keep thee in perfect peace whose mind has stayed on thee. So that's the power that you bring. And all the products that you have on YouTube that I've, I mean, how ironic. They said, coincidence is God's way of staying anonymous.

1:39:58I've been so marinated listening to your stuff. And you've been listening to me. Come on. Look at God. What a mighty God. Come on. You can't make this stuff up. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. Welcome back, everybody. My guest today played 12 years in the major leagues. Let me just tell you something. He could flat mash. This dude could hit. I used to watch him going, that's the natural. You should call him the natural. but then the more I got to know his story turns out it wasn't natural that he worked really hard to build this incredible swing three-time all-star and I'm just telling you guys any of you that know baseball this dude could flat out hit but today we're going to talk about you know you got someone here that played in the big leagues in the major leagues that long there's a mental aspect to what they did and how they live and what they do now that got them there so we're going to talk about peak performance today and overcoming adversity all kinds of incredible stuff with Sean Casey Casey, welcome to the show, bro.

1:41:07Thanks for having me on, dude. So fired up to be here. Your humility level, you, I don't know, good guys never know they're good guys. Do you know what I mean? Like, you're a good guy. Like, you got voted something in the award, like the nicest dude in baseball. Friendliest player in baseball. Yeah, like that type of thing. But do you think your temperament, this is important, emotional control matters in everything. Like, I have found that people that last long-term at things have a level of emotional control that people that are flashes in the pan or just all-out failing don't have. Do you think your temperament, your, I don't know, your maybe possibly optimistic, friendly temperament helped you?

1:41:51Or have you ever even thought about that before? Because you're not like most athletes. You weren't when you played. Even when you played, I remember other guys I knew that played, like, dude, he's just, Sean, he's a good dude. You know what I mean? Like, do you think your temperament matters? What was funny was, I love first base because I could talk to the guy. You know what I mean? I'm like, hey, what's up, dude? And I'm talking to the umpires, first base coach. But I did in my mind think, like, when I get in that box, your face just changed again. I'm going to rip your head off. Like, it was a weird, I don't mean that.

1:42:21You know what I'm saying? I guess you just had to think that way. Yes, of course. You know, and that's how you thought. But like, I do think the fact that, you know, that my positive attitude helped me through the struggles at times. You know, it helped me to, I would always look at the glasses half full, right? It just would be like, okay. I remember when I was coming up in the minor leagues, people would say, hey, you're struggling, you're afraid. I remember this interview when I was in AA in Akron. And I used to tell myself, hey, the storm's coming. That's good, but the storm's coming. Whatever I told, that was a little trick.

1:42:55It was a game I played with myself. And I would just say, hey, the storm's coming. Like, what do you mean? I was like, I'm coming. And I'm coming tomorrow. Whoever's, well, so-and-so's on the mound, good. Because I'm coming for him. And so it's interesting to play those games with myself. Now that I'm in your presence, you're more intense than I knew. Meaning I knew that you were passionate, but your face changes multiple times. When you talk about your dad, your face changed. You talked about that defining moment and when you just talked about that. So there's a switch that you flip. But part of baseball that's different than other sports is the duration of the season.

1:43:28Right. It's a long. Such a grind. And it's, by the way, you know, you play 160 games in like 180-something days. Like it's nuts, right, or whatever it is. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. But it's a long season. So I have to think the, I think baseball is the sport that could teach you the most lessons that apply to business. Because you do have to have some emotional control, right? You do have to. You can't get crazy high. The postseason's different. Like if everyone's watching baseball right now, it's almost a different game. Like the way the managers manage the bullpen, everything's just heightened, different pitches, getting guys on base, runs.

1:44:01All these things are different. But in general, the sport is a long season. It's not like the NFL. There's 17 games. Forever there was 16 games. You've got to peak those 16 games. That's it. So what's the difference with the emotional control in baseball that applies, do you think, life or business? Well, I think the biggest thing is it's a one-day-at-a-time thing. It's a one-pitch-at-a-time thing. So if I go out there, and how you evaluate yourself at times, it can't be so result-oriented that you just fly off the handle. So I could go out there and feel great and go 0 for 4 and hit a couple balls hard, maybe get dominated.

1:44:35Those guys are good out there too. They're going to dominate me some nights. I'm like, wow, what just happened there? But knowing that I'm playing the next night, that I got the process I have, I'm going to go one pitch at a time again, and I'm just going to keep doing that night in and night out, night in and night out, and I'm not going to waste a pitch. And I think that's the biggest thing. I remember being at the All-Star Game in 2004. I'm sitting in the food room. It's Mike Piazza, me, and Scott Rowland. Incredible. Every time you go to an All-Star Game, you're like, Muhammad Ali just come in.

1:44:59I'm like, hey, here's Muhammad Ali. No way. Barry Bonds, all these guys. And then you're like, George Bush came in to talk. Man, Mr. President, how you doing? Hey, Sean, how you doing? Yes, he knows my name. It was like another one of those moments. So we're sitting in the food room, bro, and it's like me, Piazza, and Rowland. Now, Scott Rowland at the time is the third baseman for the Cardinals, and Pujols is the best player in the game. You know him and Bonds are the best players. But Pujols, he's just different. How he hits the ball to right center. You know he's hitting 350 but he's hitting 40 homers.

1:45:27It just it was impressive. And I said Scott. What is it man? What's the difference between Albert Pujols and us? We're all stars. We're all here. But he's a little bit better than all of us. He goes Case. Never seen anything like it. He goes it could be 9-0 in the middle of July on a Tuesday night. He's in the he's the last that he had two outs in the night and he'll put together a 12th pitch at bat And then hit a bullet to right for a hit guy never wastes a pitch He never waste a pitch and then I then I fast forward and you fast forward You know 20 years and that was 2004 when he was three years in the big leagues you fast forward He just hit 700.

1:46:08It's unbelievable. He just hit 700. He's one of the greatest players ever He's got you know over 3 ,000 hits. He's got 700 bombs 700 doubles And I think back to that story and I go, are you kidding me? I go, the people that are at the top, they don't waste a pitch. They don't waste a call. They don't waste a morning not to work out. They do it day in and day out. And their habits, their routines, their processes are at an elite level. And that's how you get Albert Poults. And that's how you get Miguel Cabrera. And that's how you get some of these dudes. Mike Trout. They're just a little bit different than the guys at the All-Star game.

1:46:44Yeah, that's crazy. And you think about that, you guys, everyone who plays the sport, everyone who plays in high school, then plays some form of college ball, then the rookie ball, single A, double A, triple A, gets to the big leagues, stays in the big leagues, then a smaller group's an all-star, then a very smaller group's a repeat all -star, and then you got guys that are like Hall of Fame players. And that little difference, that little thing is what you just described. It's the fact that they don't waste days, they don't waste hours, they don't waste minutes.

1:47:15Thank you.

From the publisher

How to Master Your Emotions and Unlock Unstoppable Power

What if the real strength you’ve been searching for isn’t about control, it’s about release? In this mashup episode, I’m bringing together some of the most powerful conversations I’ve ever had about emotional mastery, healing, and the kind of resilience that transforms pain into power. You’re going to hear from men who’ve walked through darkness, faced loss, battled their inner demons, and came out stronger, not by suppressing emotion, but by finally learning how to feel.

Jason Wilson opens up about the true cost of hyper-masculinity and why the most courageous thing a man can do is cry, heal, and lead from his heart. Lewis Howes shares how facing childhood trauma set him free and how vulnerability became the gateway to real strength. Sean Casey reveals how mastering his emotional state, pitch by pitch, created longevity and excellence in the game of life. Les Brown walks us through the power of forgiveness, reminding us that anger is a wind that blows out the lamp of the mind. Brian Dawkins shares how he channeled emotion into focused energy, becoming one of the fiercest competitors and most grounded men I’ve ever met. And James Lawrence, the Iron Cowboy, shows what happens when the mind adapts and the heart refuses to quit, even when the body breaks down.

Every one of these conversations points back to one truth I’ve learned over and over again: mastering your emotions doesn’t mean controlling them, it means owning them. It’s learning when to fight, when to cry, and when to let go. It’s realizing that emotional intelligence is the foundation of every championship performance, every strong relationship, and every fulfilled life.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in anger, fear, or shame, this episode will help you see that your emotions aren’t your enemy, they’re your greatest teachers. Healing begins when you stop pretending you’re fine and start getting real about what’s inside. Because the moment you master your emotions, you unlock your next level of peace, clarity, and power.

Key Takeaways:

Why real strength comes from emotional awareness, not suppression (Jason Wilson)

How vulnerability frees you from shame and creates connection (Lewis Howes)

The emotional discipline that separates top performers from the rest (Sean Casey)

The secret to forgiveness and freedom from past pain (Les Brown)

How to channel emotion into fuel for purpose and energy (Brian Dawkins)

The mindset that turns pain into perseverance and endurance (James Lawrence)

This episode is for anyone ready to stop fighting their emotions and start mastering them to become stronger, freer, and more complete than ever before.

Also don’t miss out on MAXOUT2026: Once a year, I open my home for an intimate one-day experience unlike anything else I do. This year, I’m making it even smaller, just 12 to 15 people. Together, we’ll dive deep into the exact strategies I use to plan, visualize, and design the best year of my life and yours. If you’re ready to Max Out your future, join me at ⁠⁠⁠⁠Maxout2026.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ for a life-changing day you’ll never forget.

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