How To Overcome Your Self Doubt with Dr. Shadé Zahrai

13:44Dr. Shadé Zahrai:and they're using their ras to find references for it all the time to reconfirm it make it a deeper

13:49Ed Mylett:and deeper belief all of this is being reconfirmed by the ras by parts of the brain in fact when i get to the end i'll share two studies that demonstrate just how powerful this is so that is a sign or a reflection of a lack of trust in your ability to have any degree of power in your life. Now we know you cannot control everything in life. Many things are out of our hands. And if we choose to focus on those things, guess how you feel? Powerless. Why? Because you literally are powerless. But we also have the ability to shift our attention to things that we can control and simply doing that what is fascinating.

14:24Ed Mylett:When we're focusing on things we can't control and we feel like we have no power, it doesn't feel great, we have all these emotions that come with it, we see increased activity in the threat detection centers of the brain. So we're more likely to notice everything that could go wrong and then we keep ourselves stuck whereas when we simply shift our attention to what we can control and this is the incredible thing about attention when you shift your attention to what you can control actively we see a decrease in activity in the amygdala fear centers the threat detection centers and an increase in activity in the prefrontal regions so simply by shifting your attention you fundamentally change what you're paying attention to and then because of what's going on in the brain and the filter system, you notice more of what you can control.

15:06Ed Mylett:Very good. And you feel more personally powerful.

15:09Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Very good.

15:09Ed Mylett:So it's, again, just these subtle nuances. Very good. So that is our third one. That's autonomy. Now, the fourth attribute, in my view, really fuels all the others. You can get this one sorted. If you can really work on developing this, life just gets easier. And it's essentially the ability to detach from your emotions when they're not serving you. And so we call it adaptability, emotional adaptability. Can you adapt to what you feel in a given moment? And that's not to say some people ask, oh, well, does that mean I should never experience a negative emotion and try and suppress it and push it away?

15:44Ed Mylett:Absolutely not. Emotions are data. They are signals. We need to learn to understand what is that signal telling me? Is this giving me an indication that there is some risk in the environment? Is this revealing that one of my values has been violated? That's a really important one. people generally feel anger when a value that they have has been violated so interrogate the emotion understand where it's coming from but then if you can and when i say excuse me when i say detach from the emotion it doesn't mean you become numb to it or you ignore it you simply allow it to pass like clouds in the sky they're there but you know they're temporary and in time you know if you look beyond the clouds the sun is still shining so knowing that they're temporary they will pass but then working with them to see what is it telling me how can I channel this yeah so and I want to just quickly go back okay that is outstanding thank you I so can I just share I find this so incredibly powerful because it gives people a language to understand why they experience doubt yes no one's doubt is the same as someone else's and what's super cool is actually when you look at where you fall on each of these attributes it creates your doubt profile yes and a bit like a Myers-Briggs or a disc yes we have these different archetypes yeah so why don't I share the most common archetype yes I know what

17:02Dr. Shadé Zahrai:it is from the book but let's go so the most common archetype is what we call

17:05Ed Mylett:the anxious overachiever yeah super common in high performers in entrepreneurs yeah me too where it's someone who and it's you know the other thing which is worth noting here is even people who have a very strong faith I'm going to say that the ultimate antidote to self-doubt is actually faith I mean we could just end it here and like that's it book they would have just those words in it but at the same time we also know that we are tested in this life and our ability to move through those tests allows us to determine how much faith we have and so while we're living here in this physical world there are challenges and we have ego and we have that negative voice in the self-criticism so i think we need to acknowledge that up front even people who have extremely

17:47Dr. Shadé Zahrai:strong faith still experience self-doubt because we are human so if you are tested and you feel

17:53Ed Mylett:like you have a lot of self-doubt that is okay you're not broken it's just a part of the human experience and everything is a learning and an opportunity to grow and to develop those qualities within ourselves that serve us throughout our entire lives so i want to now share that anxious overachieve archetype and then i'm going to share these two studies that demonstrate just how powerful all of this is okay okay so the anxious overachiever which is me and ed could be you it's someone who has conditional acceptance what does that mean so we know that deep down we we are inherently of value again because we have faith we know the reason for existence etc but at the same time we are often in a position especially those of us who fall here we want everyone to be happy.

18:41Ed Mylett:We really want everyone to be happy and sometimes that means we sacrifice ourselves for their happiness. We've been raised that way. We are taught to be that way and then sometimes we forget that actually we have needs and desires and wants and opinions that deserve to be heard as well. And so that conditional acceptance is really common in high performers and entrepreneurs in leaders. It's this conditional acceptance. If you're around people who support you and believe in you and you're doing well from a business perspective, a life perspective, you feel great. But if you're around people who make you question your worth, if you're struggling in business, if you're experiencing a failure, you might turn inwards and become self-critical.

19:21Ed Mylett:So that's what we call conditional acceptance. We are people pleasers because we enjoy it, but we sacrifice ourselves in the process.

19:28Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Totally get it. Very much relate.

19:30Ed Mylett:Very much relate to you. It's an ongoing process for me.

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21:34Ed Mylett:Then those of us in this space, the anxious overachiever, we have reasonably high agency.

21:40Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Yes.

21:40Ed Mylett:So we believe we can do things because we often have a track record. We've done it before and we've done the work and we know that if there's something new, we'll be able to figure it out because again, we've done the work. Our autonomy is also extremely high, meaning we always focus on what we can control. We're always focusing on the next step. What can happen sometimes here is that we are so focused on what we can control that sometimes we blame ourselves for things that are outside of our control and we personalize. We think I should have known better. I should have done this. I should have been across that.

22:09Ed Mylett:So then that's the sign of the low acceptance coming through. But then in this particular archetype, and I resonate with this, we also have a shaky adaptability unless we focus on it. What does that mean? We're driven by a lot of overthinking. There's this low level anxiety feeling like I haven't done enough. I need to do more. Is everyone else okay? Am I doing enough in my business am I doing enough in my family and it's this constant incessant feeling of I'm not enough yet I need to be more become more of that role model for my my family my community I need to and again that constant undercurrent of emotional shakiness drives a lot of the other doubt now a lot of us have done a lot of work to get better at adaptability but we can still feel it especially when the pressure is on when there's a lot going on when there's a lot of change or Or when there is instability in our lives, when there is an unexpected health issue, a death in the family, a lot of these insecurities can come back.

23:05Ed Mylett:Very good. So this is, I find it so interesting because I'm like, wow, it's me.

23:09Dr. Shadé Zahrai:I want to say one thing about the book, too. Just I want to make my plug for you on the book. Thank you. For no other reason to get the book is you ought to go figure out what your archetype, your profile is. It may not be the one that you just described. I think because to know thyself is to begin to heal thyself and to find a solution and a cure and the recipe for you. So that in and of itself is really, really powerful. I think that probably is me, what you just described. As close as I can get to being connected with a profile or an archetype, I think it's that. Anyway, you were going to tell us those two studies.

23:40Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Yes, let's go.

23:41Ed Mylett:So the study I love to share, and it's in one of the early chapters in the book, I share it all the time because it's so memorable. It's from the 70s, late 70s, back when they could conduct studies like this. Ethically, they wouldn't be able to do them anymore. So yay for researchers in the 70s. So, late 1970s, a psychology professor from Dartmouth, Robert Kleck, conducted this fascinating experiment where he brought people together and he split them up into groups. Now, with one of the groups, he drew a scar on their face from their ear to their mouth and let them see themselves in a hand mirror so they can confirm, yes, I have a scar on my face.

24:13Ed Mylett:The other group, no scar. He then sends everybody into conversations with strangers. They have their conversations. They come back in. This is individually, by the way. They're not all doing this together. they're doing it one by one they come back and they share about how they felt the conversation went and the conversation for those who had the scar they said it was tense their conversation partner was cold it was uncomfortable they felt like they were treated differently because of the scar the other group fine no issues whatsoever enjoyed the conversations but here is where it gets really interesting I mean that would be a study on discrimination and prejudice but that was not the point of the study if I rewind a little bit Before these participants with the scars went into their conversations, the researcher said, I'm going to apply some moisturizing cream to set the scar so it doesn't crack.

25:03Ed Mylett:Okay, fair enough. So he applies the moisturizing cream, but what he does without telling them is he removes the scar entirely. They had no scar on their face. Oh, so good. They go into these conversations believing they have a physical disfigurement on their face. And that is what they noticed when it was completely untrue. I get goosebumps when I share that story. Because we just have to think, how many scars are we carrying in our lives? Into every conversation. Into our marriages, with our children, in our businesses, with our clients. and how is that reinforcing the belief that we already have about ourselves even when it's not objectively true it's expectation bias you really got me there

25:50Dr. Shadé Zahrai:oh I'm glad that is that's tremendous and by the way the way you lay it out with the punchline there is tremendous too keep going I'm just I'm really I'm really into this I'm glad the audience knows

26:02Ed Mylett:I'm so happy yeah I love that story or that study because so do I expectation bias affects us in everything. If you expect yourself to perform well in an interview, you are more likely to perform well. If you expect yourself to be successful asking that person out at the restaurant, you are more likely to be successful. Because what we believe influences how we show up and what we notice, which then reinforces whatever we believe. I had this one experience once where I went out walking and people were looking at me and I thought, gosh, like I must have dressed really nice today or maybe my hair looks good and I was smiling back and I felt fantastic.

26:36Ed Mylett:Which in itself, you know, there's this beautiful line that comes from the book, The Four Agreements. Great book. Oh, one of my favorites.

26:43Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Just talk about Sage Robbins on the show. Oh, beautiful. Such a great book. I love that there's this connection. Yes.

26:47Ed Mylett:So one of the agreements is take nothing personally. And that's a given. We know we shouldn't take negative things personally. But this is also the positive. Don't allow the positive words of someone else to make you feel better about yourself. Do you know why? Yeah. Because it means that you fundamentally don't accept yourself and you're waiting for others to validate you.

27:05Dr. Shadé Zahrai:That is a massively true point. It's a really like cheap way to feel good. It's like, it's like candy or sugar high. And it's very dangerous when you live on compliments or affirmation or even achievement and accolades for your validation. yes it's I think and I want to just step in here it's one thing I wanted to ask you I think that's why so many of my mega achievers that I coach one-on-one and you know some of them have run pretty big countries and do some big stuff are fundamentally still pretty unhappy people I hate to say this and even frankly you can go look at 800 guests that have been on the show some of the most famous successful people in the world when this camera goes off and we're putting the mics together hey can we get together at one-on-one I'm just not happy I'm just not happy and I think because there's a lane that many get into where all other validation is conditional.

27:54Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Conditional on their achievement, conditional on how people are speaking about them, conditional on their likes, their views, their bank account, their awards. I think you're absolutely 1 million percent right. And it's an easy lane to get in to feel good too, that we can choose to get us out of the lane we're in right now. Oh, if I could just get compliments, if I'll just, and this also causes children, young people to do things, to get acceptance, to belong. You know, those of you that are, I just think all the time about, I want, I want both my children, my son's here today, as you know, but particularly with my daughter, I want, for some reason, as a dad, it's the way I look at it.

28:30Dr. Shadé Zahrai:I don't mean this in any, you know, misogynistic way at all. I just mean, I don't, especially my daughter, I don't want her to think that she has to get her validation by doing something that makes her uncomfortable or looking a particular way or dressing provocatively or whatever it might be to get that hit, so to speak, of, oh, I feel good about myself today because somebody says I look great today. You know what I'm saying? It's something I really, really worry about. So I didn't mean to interrupt you on the two studies. No, please.

28:56Ed Mylett:Please interrupt more if you have things to share because we'd love to hear your perspective.

29:00Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Well, I will tell you one of the things. You used the word earlier. I'll jump in and we'll get into the other study. You used the word detach earlier, detach from the emotion. This isn't in the book. I'm just curious about your thoughts on this. what about detaching from outcome when you have a task so so i'm very outcome focused goal focused as are most people that listen to this but years ago wayne dyer became a very dear friend of mine who's one of the i think the mount rushmore's of people in this self-help personal production industry whatever you want to call it and he goes you know add one thing that you might consider doing is not being so attached to the outcome um and separating things so it's okay to have a goal hey, I want to achieve, I want to make this sale done.

29:39Dr. Shadé Zahrai:But in the moment of execution, if you can separate from outcome, it somehow reduces the, what he would call like a pressure on you or performance anxiety that I have to get this done. I have to get this date. She has to marry me. I have to close the sale. I have to nail this speech. I have to make this putt. I've got to hit a home run this time when I'm up. And that obsession with outcome causes our self-trust to drop. Do you agree with that? 100 % okay obsession with outcome is in our experience almost always related to a lack of acceptance hmm because you have almost subconsciously attached your

30:21Ed Mylett:sense of worth to whatever happens there you go and if I don't get that thing then I'm not enough and again it's not something people would often verbalize but it's deep down it's a scar that they carry and that's also what holds so many people back because they think but if I do it and I don't get it then I'm getting confirmation that I'm not enough right and I don't like that and therefore I'm going to just stay safe and something that we have in the book which came from a lot of my work with clients and you would have experienced this too everyone has a critical voice but what I also identified after doing hundreds of interviews is that it doesn't sound the same even in the same person there have different facets of that voice and so we identified four inner critical voices we They call them the inner deceivers.

31:05Ed Mylett:I'll tell you what they are, and if you're listening, see if you can like check along which ones you have. The first one is just the default voice of criticism. Why'd you do that? Should've done this, you're an idiot. It's just there in the background. It's a classic judge. The second one's called the misguided protector, and it tries to protect you from harm by anticipating everything that could go wrong, magnifying it so that you don't take action because then you're safe, but you're also stuck. So its function is protection. but it keeps you stagnant the third one is what we call the ringmaster it's that incessant voice in our heads that pushes us to keep pushing and keep going and push harder and don't stop working otherwise i'll make you feel guilty i mean productivity guilt is a real thing and also once you get there then you'll feel enough and then you get there and you don't feel enough because oh it'll be that one it'll be that one and you incessantly set these bigger and better goals and you feel empty.

32:00Ed Mylett:And then the fourth one is what we call the neglector. It's the one that highlights that your desires and wants are not important. You need to satisfy everyone else first. If they're not happy with you, you are nothing. They matter more. So it forces you to neglect yourself.

32:17Dr. Shadé Zahrai:I just think of my mom when you say that.

32:19Ed Mylett:Oh, I think of my mom too.

32:20Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Do you? Yeah. Yeah. I bet a lot of people are thinking of their mom.

32:24Ed Mylett:So the second one is just a really short one. So the scar study is fantastic. but the second one introduces some, I love these studies. You know what I love about my work? Tell me what you love about your work. Okay, so a little bit of my own insecurity. I went to law school and I felt deeply, deeply insecure. I never felt like I belonged and I felt like I already found out that I was an error. And then I worked in banking and finance and the legal industry felt the same. So I've always felt like I need to have some kind of backing to what I'm saying, some kind of evidence. Otherwise, I don't want to say it.

32:53Ed Mylett:I've somehow found myself in a career where thankfully everything I say is backed by research. So it's a very comforting space, but that also reflects that I lack self-acceptance. I'm allowed to have an opinion. So I'm working on that. I'm working on having opinions, especially if they differ to other people.

33:07Dr. Shadé Zahrai:I agree with you, but I also do love that about your work, that it's all like, hey, well, here's a study to validate this, or here's, even for me, like I liken my work to have proof of concept somehow. I don't think that necessarily means that I'm not allowed to have an opinion. It's just that in many cases, I want to say, like, here's some social proof.

33:25Ed Mylett:It's an informed opinion.

33:27Dr. Shadé Zahrai:There you go. There you go. There we go. Very well said, as usual. Okay, so what's this study?

33:31Ed Mylett:Okay, so the second one. It introduces the idea of some neuroscience into this. So, Alia Crum was conducting, she was the head researcher in conducting this study, looking at the role of expectation on outcomes. So, basically, what they did is they had a group of people, they split them in two, they gave them a milkshake to drink. Now, one group was told this milkshake was really calorie dense, full of calories. Like this is like two meals worth of calories in this milkshake. The other group, same milkshake, but they were told there are like no calories in this. It's nothing. It's like water. They give these groups the milkshakes.

34:06Ed Mylett:What they found is the group that were told it was calorie dense, full of calories, they stayed fuller for much longer. the group that was told it was like drinking water they became hungry really quickly after it same drink same drink and so essentially what it's doing is that expectation influenced ghrelin the hormone the hunger hormone in their brain making them feel more hungry it was the same thing it should have had the same effect on their body it's bananas and there are so many studies in the realm of placebo effect yes you know like a painkiller versus a nothing and depending on what you believe it works or doesn't so we need to acknowledge it is undisputable that your beliefs influence not only what you notice but actually what is going on in your brain chemically in your

34:52Dr. Shadé Zahrai:brain neurochemically okay so here's what we're gonna do okay we're gonna go a little bit solution based now a little bit um by the way you're welcome back on the show just want to say in the middle of the interview i want to have you back on to me so i just did this retreat at my house for four days where I had four different groups come in. But one of the things I kept hearing at the retreat was, hey man, where'd you get that shirt? And I'm like, Mizzen and Maine. And I got to tell you, picture anything you want to wear, your go-to shirt. You want to feel sharp, look sharp, dress sharp, and you want to do it affordably.

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36:36Dr. Shadé Zahrai:This is like, I'm going to give you the sentence you said in the book. And I'm like, this is like foundational. And I'm probably say it wrong. But I used to think people that were egomaniacs or like obsessed with themselves fit a particular profile. They were loud, boisterous, bragged all the time. You can kind of just see them. That's an ego person. They're self-focused. And I thought more quiet, humble people like you and I one-on-one. We're both introverts. People that lack confidence to some extent naturally, just something they've struggled with in their life. Those are non-ego driven people, non-focus driven people.

37:12Dr. Shadé Zahrai:And over the last 20 years of doing my work, I found out that's actually not true. And oftentimes people that struggle the most with their confidence or doubt or self-trust, all of those three things are actually self-focused too much. And so you actually have this thing in the book, self-focus instead of self-forget. This is huge, you guys. It's simple, but it's like very foundational to making this shift. Self-focus or self-forget. What did you mean in the book when you said that?

37:39Ed Mylett:What we find is a lot of people think if they want to overcome their doubt, they have to focus more on themselves and their doubts and their voices in their heads. But actually, the more we do that, the more we become focused on I, me, my. How are they seeing me how am I coming across what am I achieving and these are voices of the ego that kind of self-serving part of us that appeals to our lower nature doesn't allow us to appeal to our higher nature and so one of the simplest things you can do to quieten the voice of self-doubt is not more self-focus it's less yes and it's by self-forgetting what does that mean self-forgetting simply means prioritizing the needs and desires of other people now not in a this is so nuanced isn't it because

38:24Dr. Shadé Zahrai:it's like mom exactly that i think of mom yeah and it's so i want i want you to go there and so

38:29Ed Mylett:it's and this is where we get confused yeah because the we call it the gift that allows you to tap into self-acceptance is to self-forget which means do something for someone else be of service be of value volunteer your time be charitable do something that gets you out of your head I mean we know there are studies that show if you offer an act of kindness to someone else you get this beautiful shot of oxytocin and dopamine it makes you feel more connected not only that anyone who sees that also feels the same as well as the person receiving it you know how right you are I used to

39:01Dr. Shadé Zahrai:say when you're feeling the most helpless get the most helpful but one application of what you're teaching I just want everyone to you know hear the way that I hear it so that you guys take action on this and also get the book I'm about to go speak to a few thousand people after we do this interview as you know and I used to really have a hard time with imposter syndrome with I'm not good enough what are they going to think about me I hope they like me etc etc and it just made it a torturous experience to get on stage and speak and then over time I just started to look into the crowd and realize this is a soul there's a human in there maybe they need me what if I took my focus and I walk out on this stage and focus on them and their needs.

39:42Dr. Shadé Zahrai:And I almost lose myself in the service of others. It doesn't mean I'm not focused, just so you know the nuance, everybody. I'm still focused on the message I need to deliver. I still wanna be tactically good on the stage. I still wanna have good timing and rhythm. And so I'm still focused to that extent on me. But the outcome of the work, my overall focus when I walk on that stage or I'm backstage is on them, not me. I self-forget. and that self forgetting I think is a spiritual person allows the higher me in my case the Holy Spirit to take over and enter the room and I don't get in the way of it but also I enjoy it more I'm better I have way more self-trust and self-confidence going out there because I'm not self focused when I go out so that's the application of it for me beautifully said okay so beautifully

40:32Ed Mylett:said and what happens is you your goal is then not how do I look on stage it's what kind of an impact am I having on these souls? Yes. And that is incredibly powerful. It has a self-minimizing effect. Yes. So the self, meaning that incessant voice, how am I coming across, how do people see me, that becomes dampened when we're focused on being of value to other people. Now, a really tactical, tangible tool for people here, I call it the care less, care more list. So I used to get very anxious sharing, well, I still do, every time I go to share anything on social media, because we do it all ourselves.

41:05Ed Mylett:We don't have a team. and there is an element of vulnerability that comes when you're doing the posting when my finger is hovering over the post button there is this little voice that creeps in what are they going to think am I going to get the comments are they going to criticize this and also in today's day and age am I going to get cancelled have I said anything that could be misinterpreted and I become so fixated on that that sometimes I hesitate and I don't post so I started saying to myself care less care less shade care less about what they think about who how many people respond about this, that, and the other.

41:35Ed Mylett:And it really helped. And I realized it's because of attention. Instead of my attention going to all the what will they think of me's, I just shifted to, well, I'm just going to stop thinking about that. But then my husband, wonderful Faisal, who's my co-author and business partner and the best decision I ever made in my life, he said, okay, well, that's half the story, care less, but what are you caring more about? And I realized, ah, I see what you're getting at. So now what I do is I say care less about how I'm coming across and what other people think Care more about being of service about being a value and finding that soul that needs to hear this message

42:12Dr. Shadé Zahrai:That is profoundly so great. I'm telling you everybody who's if you struggle with like just chronic fear This is such a foundational move that if you just get out of yourself. I'm telling you it's a it's it's almost 97 % of the work. It truly is. One of the other things for me, so I, you know, over the years, when you're in this work, you kind of start checking boxes on your growing and getting better. And so I don't struggle much anymore with the voice in my head or even self-doubt, not a lot of that anymore. I mean, there's certain situations I'm sure where that creep, yeah, actually I think of one recently, I coaching someone that just came on board that ran a big country.

42:51Dr. Shadé Zahrai:And I remember thinking, why in the world does she want, you know, me? So there was a little of that. So I still, that's true. I still have some of that. But what I, I think the holy grail for me is worry. And I know why I worry. I think when you grow up in a home with an alcoholic dad or anything like that, you worry about your dad. You worry, mom and dad are going to stay together. You begin this pattern of worry. And then that pattern, like that story you tell, becomes a familiar home. Even if it's not a home I like living in, I'm very familiar with it. And the brain loves certainty. The brain loves familiarity.

43:21Dr. Shadé Zahrai:and so I can get into a worry lane. I have like high speed internet to a worry lane and a really bumpy dirt road to peace, right? Nice analogy. It's just true. And so, oh my gosh, this book about worry. Because everyone's like, don't worry. And I know scripturally, depending on what your religious beliefs are, it's a sin in some cases. Set all that aside for a second. You all worry and you know you damn worry, okay? And some of you more than others. And I am really good at it. and I'm like, I have to just drop all this worrying, but I've never been able to meet that threshold. You have a tool in this book that is simple for us worriers or that have anxiety and it is awesome because I've been doing it for like six days and it's legit and I'm going to continue it.

44:04Dr. Shadé Zahrai:I think it's, I'm pretty good. I make my mind up. This is a decision. This is going to be a habit I'm going to develop. Tell them about the worry time.

44:10Ed Mylett:This is my, probably one of my favorite tips in the book because I, it's something I do almost every day. Okay. I'm also an incessive warrior. My brain loves to overthink. And again, there's this comfort that comes from the overthinking, but it does not help us. The brain is seeking certainty, and it's trying to find certainty. And then in our overthinking, we will magnify things that could go wrong, because then at least we have certainty. Everything's going to be terrible. Everything's going... Right? It doesn't help us. Yes. Now, a lot of guidance out there is structured around distract yourself, eliminate the thought, do other things.

44:42Ed Mylett:But what we know, I mean, what happens, Ed, when you try not to think about something, you think about it more. In fact, there was this really great study early, early on, like decades ago. It was called the White Bear Experiment.

44:53Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Yes.

44:53Ed Mylett:They asked people not to think about a white bear. And then they asked another group to think about a white bear. The group that was asked not to think about the white bear thought about the white bear more than the group that was told to think about it. So when you try and suppress a thought, it doesn't work. It comes back. So what researchers have found is don't try and suppress the worry. Give it a time and place. Yes. Which I love because that's fantastic. Okay, so what does that mean? That means firstly you need to schedule worry time every day. This is good. If you're a worrier, right? 10 minutes.

45:22Ed Mylett:I find 10 minutes is good for me, but the research actually says it can be up to 30 minutes. So you can start with 30 if you want more time and reduce it. Set worry time, put it in your calendar. Now someone said, but if you call it worry time, that's a negative term. You can call it whatever you like. Me time, cup of tea time, whatever it is. But have that in your calendar, usually towards the end of the day, not too close to bed because it will affect your sleep. So some people do it after work or after dinner on the couch when you have alone time. Now, during the day, when a worry pops up, as it does, and it's so incredibly distracting, you write it down in a worry list or a cup of tea list, whatever you want to call your worry time.

45:59Ed Mylett:I call it a worry list and I have it on my phone. But I also recommend having a physical notebook. Write down your worry. Now, what is remarkable is sometimes when you write something down, your brain goes, oh, good, you're not going to forget it. I don't have to keep reminding you. Right? That's the first thing. So write it down. Then say to yourself, I'm not going to worry about you now. I will worry about you during worry time. You're giving it a time and place you've given it an outlet. Remarkably, even that in itself can help reduce the worries. Capture all of them. When you get to worry time, you know, your calendar notifies you.

46:31Ed Mylett:Pull out your list and allow yourself to worry.

46:34Dr. Shadé Zahrai:It's very good, you guys.

46:36Ed Mylett:It's remarkable.

46:37Dr. Shadé Zahrai:I'm telling you, it's remarkable. And let me tell you the other thing I've experienced. By the way, thank you for that. Like that alone is a life, I would say life altering thing for me. And what I found out is that I have my worry time. It's I'm not going to say when it is, but it's five, six hours before bed because of what you said, because I'm a ruminator. You get me going too good. But what I have found is I've set this window of time, which is only 10 minutes in my case. You know what I found out by the time I get there, which is I'll just be ending. It's between like five and seven o 'clock.

47:07Dr. Shadé Zahrai:I'll just share that. I have found that by the time I get back to my list that my ability to find the worry to the depth that I was heading into it before is much more shallow or doesn't exist at all anymore. That doesn't mean there aren't a few things I'm like, all right, I'm going to sit here and ruminate on this one and let me see how bad I can make this in my head. But the vast majority of the things that I've been writing down throughout the day, by the time I get to worry time to worry about them, I can't find the groove. Where's the emotion? Come on. Where is this? Where's the dread? What's going on here?

47:35Dr. Shadé Zahrai:It's very hard for me to find it. six, seven hours removed. Yet, there's a few cases where I have. Have you found that with you as well?

47:42Ed Mylett:Yes, 100%. And it's because in the moment when the thought comes, that's a stimulus and then the emotion responds to that. But when you've given it time, when you review it, suddenly there's this sense of objectivity and you don't get stuck in, again, there might be some, but you don't get stuck in them, which also helps you determine which of these are actual worries. You got it. And which ones were just because I had a bad experience with someone or I just, I hadn't eaten that day and so my mind was playing or hadn't slept and so this thing felt bigger than it was.

48:08Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Or I'm just in my pattern of what I do. Can I tell you the other thing that it does and maybe you could speak to it. I was just going to, I had a thought about it. The other thing that, and you say this in the book, so it's valid. It's training me almost to what you say in the book, which is this and then I'll let you elaborate on it. By the time I get to it and I'm like, yeah, that was a dumb worry. Like I can't get myself to worry about it. No, there are things again where I'm like, it's valid, but it's also reconvincing me that I don't have to believe everything I think in the moment I think it.

48:37Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Because once I've written it down in the moment I'm thinking it, and I'm like, I'm going to get to you at 530. By the time I get to it at 530, I'm like, what the heck did I believe that for? And so it's actually training me to be more of an observer of my thoughts in the moment rather than addicted to them and identifying and attaching to my thought. It's teaching me that I don't have to believe everything I think in the moment that I think it.

48:58Ed Mylett:Beautifully said.

48:59Dr. Shadé Zahrai:And you say this in the book.

49:00Ed Mylett:Beautifully said. There's so much power in being able to do that, reminding ourselves you don't have to believe everything you think, and you don't have to believe everything your mind tells you to believe based on a pattern that's been there since childhood. And so this simple, simple practice of just, it's called stimulus control for worry. This simple, simple practice is so remarkably effective. Now, there are a couple of steps afterwards, because you might find someone will go through their worries and then suddenly it's on super drive. When the alarm goes off, you have to be setting the alarm when the alarm goes off the 10 minutes or 30 minutes whatever it is you need to have the discipline say okay I'm stopping the worry now then you look at your list and you ask is there anything that I need to do about any of these what is within my control and is there anything I can do and then if there is you commit to one two or three actions just very very small ones that reminds you that there's always a small step you can take which builds up your sense of autonomy in the moment and then if there's nothing you can do about it you're like great I'll just worry about it again tomorrow and it's remarkably effective then at the end of the week what's helpful is to go back through your list and then reflect on how many of these were dumb just dumb thoughts that popped to me in the moment how many of these are actual worries and what are the patterns here what are reflecting deep patterns that were developed when I was a kid but I don't actually have to

50:19Dr. Shadé Zahrai:stay attached to today outstanding it again just so simple you know what it really is is that but again I want to validate what you've been talking about the whole podcast this is actually working on yourself when you hear hey I'm really working on myself right now that description of what you just said about writing it down in the moment getting it to it during worry time reflecting it at the end of the week now you're working on yourself now you're making progress that's a little bit different than just speaking outside I'm worthy or I'm amazing or I deserve to win that's not that it's ineffective or not important at all but there's levels to this game of changing yourself.

50:55Dr. Shadé Zahrai:And what you're describing here is a real level of real change. Like you can't do that for three months and not be somehow different. And the reason you need to be different is I want to go down this road with you on imposter syndrome. We've got some time left. So I want to cover this because I always think, what do they make? What does everyone else want me to ask about? So I want to cover this with you. I've been fortunate, as you know, to coach, you know, people have achieved at a pretty high level, including people, as I said earlier, that have run some pretty large countries, including the one we're sitting in right now.

51:23Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Not the one who's running it now, but someone else. And I was shocked, and I worked with them post their leadership, not during it in this case. But I was shocked with them, with their guard down a little bit, would be willing to tell me how much as leader of a large country or someone, a CEO who's leading a very big company or the best singer in the world at the time, how real imposter syndrome is for people. how real it is, and it's deep. Yet, these people were functional imposters to some extent. It made me feel so good because I'm like, because I suffer from this too, depending on what venue I'm in or where I go.

52:03Dr. Shadé Zahrai:And so I want you to speak to this for a minute. If someone's like, I just chronically have this imposter thing, what is a tool, a resource, a strategy that can begin to chip away at it at least?

52:17Ed Mylett:so imposter syndrome the very first thing we need to acknowledge is that the term imposter syndrome doesn't actually exist in the literature as a syndrome it's called imposter phenomenon now if you just think about the difference between a syndrome and a phenomenon they feel very different a phenomenon is something that is observed from a behavioral perspective a lot of people experience this thing it's a behavioral phenomenon a syndrome makes it seem pathological like something is deeply wrong with us. It's not a diagnosis. It's just an experience. And some research has found that up to 82 % of people have experienced imposter syndrome, or rather I should say the imposter phenomenon, feeling like an imposter, like a bit of a fraud.

52:56Ed Mylett:It's usually only in people. So in order to experience that, you have to have actually achieved something. You have to have a track record of success. Otherwise, it's not imposter syndrome. It's just self-doubt. So That's why we only see imposter syndrome in people who are achieving and successful. Otherwise, it's just, hey, I've never done this before. Okay, great. Deal with that. But this imposter feeling can either do one of two things. Either it holds people back from taking on the next step or leveling up or going for that next opportunity. But typically what we see is that it doesn't necessarily hold them back.

53:31Ed Mylett:It just makes everything a lot more difficult. So yes, they've just stepped into this next role. Yes, they're running a country. Yes, they're running a business. yes they're coaching amazing people they're in that position and they feel like maybe i don't deserve to be here because i think other people think i'm more competent than i am yeah i see that as a healthy sign of humility to a degree so if we can shift it and think okay well it's good that i feel this it's intellectual humility i'm aware that there are some gaps but that doesn't mean i can't learn to fill those gaps it doesn't mean i can't grow and grow into this space that's a good frame really and so just going back to something you said earlier as well before i share a very simple strategy we have for this is two you mentioned this idea of positive affirmations i am worthy i'm enough i'm successful what is so interesting is people who really struggle with acceptance when they use positive affirmations it makes them feel worse it makes them feel worse because if you fundamentally do not feel like you're worthy and then you're saying to yourself i'm worthy i'm worthy you have such loud self-criticism that has not been addressed that it just attacks you.

54:34Ed Mylett:No, you're not. No, this is ridiculous. You're stupid for even saying that. And so studies have found that when you struggle with acceptance, when you have very low self-esteem, these can backfire. And that's why, remember at the beginning I said, when we think self-doubt is this one big thing, we think there's one solution, and then we wonder why it doesn't work. It's because it's not. It is nuanced. So what is a more effective approach? And it's interesting. I saw this meme recently where you know if someone's struggling with acceptance when you walk into their home and they have a poster which says, I'm enough, I'm enough, I'm enough, I'm enough.

55:06Ed Mylett:It's like, well, clearly you struggle with that. So a more effective approach is to, you have a label, which will be, I'm not enough. There'll be a deep scar that you hold, I'm not enough. You can't replace it with, I am enough. Your brain knows better. What you need to do is slowly shift the pathway in your brain by being more pragmatic about your label or your affirmation. So instead of, I'm enough, it would just be, I am learning and growing. I'm allowed to make mistakes and I'm getting better every day something like that is much more believable book than jumping into I'm enough I'm going to succeed no I have put in the work I am going to keep putting in the work and then I will deal with whatever comes my way And if that is success great if it's not I will learn and I will keep going right so it's yes It's not as catchy as I'm a success I'm enough, but these are the tools that we need to actually move forward

55:58Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Is it because you actually buy in and believe in that?

56:01Ed Mylett:Yes. It's much easier to believe something like that because you're not fundamentally changing a belief 180. You're just shifting it.

56:07Dr. Shadé Zahrai:That's real work right there.

56:08Ed Mylett:And then you do that for enough time and then you shift it again and then you shift it again. And then slowly over time you will start to embody that. It's real work. So let's look at imposter syndrome. Two very simple things. The very first one is to actually just acknowledge you feel like an imposter. Again, don't acknowledge it to everyone. If you're coaching a former government of a country, you probably don't want to walk in there and the first thing you say is, Hi, I'm Ed. I don't feel like I belong to you. I really don't think I can help you. But you can share it in safe spaces. So there's this great story that I have in the book from Jason Siegel.

56:38Ed Mylett:I think that's how you pronounce his name, from How I Met Your Mother. And he was kind of the lead of that show. And then he moved into directing. And his first directorial debut for Dispatches from Elsewhere, he said he was so full of anxiety and he felt like an imposter. Because when you go from being part of the group to suddenly leading a group, suddenly the dynamics change. So what he did is he brought the crew together and he said, hey, everyone, I'm doing this for the first time. There's a lot I don't know. If I do anything that bugs you, let me know because I want to learn. So he completely owned it.

57:11Ed Mylett:And he said the moment he did that, that tension that he felt completely relaxed. So that's really valuable. Just acknowledge it.

57:18Dr. Shadé Zahrai:It sure is. If you guys are a leader of a company or took a new role at where you work, that is a beautiful way. Also, to ingratiate yourself to the group to some extent as well, right? They're like, hey, I'm rooting for this person. I want to work with them. Yeah, you're right. Okay. So good.

57:33Ed Mylett:Simple. Super simple. Acknowledge it. The second one is to be really pragmatic. So grab a piece of paper, split it into three columns. In the left column, I mean, you need a bit of time to do this, but in the left column, you want to write down all of the qualities that you have developed over the course of your life and your career. So not your achievements, the qualities. Some of them may be hard skills, but generally we're talking about the determination, the persistence, the grit, the curiosity. Write them all down. Now in the middle column, you write down all the things that you don't think you have that are making you feel like the imposter.

58:08Ed Mylett:Well, I don't have experience running a country. Well, I don't have experience running a business of this size. I don't have, write them down in your third column you want to be matching up the qualities that you wrote down to fill the gaps from what you've identified in the middle yes okay I haven't run a country but you know what I have demonstrated this quality and this attribute and this one in the past and I can apply them right now to do what I need to do to succeed yes I may not have run a business like this but I have done this and I've done this and I've done this what you're doing is reminding yourself actively that even if you haven't done anything in the current zone you've done many other things that give you the the what's the word the permission to be there and then to grow into the role really simple story here so i'm going to share two of them i think your audience will appreciate this if you're listening and watching i hope you enjoy these too the first one comes from legendary graphic designer paula scherr so when citibank was merging or yeah citibank was merging with Traveler's Insurance.

59:04Ed Mylett:I know that merger.

59:05Dr. Shadé Zahrai:In 1998.

59:07Ed Mylett:Okay. 1998, I believe it was. I don't remember that, but yeah, okay. So they were merging, and they needed a graphic designer to design the new logo. So they reach out to Paula Scherr, who is phenomenal at what she does, graphic design. They bring her in. They're sitting around a boardroom table. They're explaining what they need, and she's listening, and she grabs a napkin. She starts scribbling on the napkin, and then she slides the napkin over, and she goes, here's your logo. Now, the room was stunned. Someone even said, how is it possible that you designed a logo in a matter of seconds? And she sat there with conviction and she said, it was designed in a second and 34 years.

59:42Ed Mylett:It was designed in a second and every experience that I've had up until this point. And then they ended up paying her$1.5 million.

59:50Dr. Shadé Zahrai:I love it.

59:51Ed Mylett:So the beauty of that story. And I know that logo, by the way. Yeah, we all see it everywhere. All the Citibank, you know, the little umbrella. it's a beautiful example of how she was demonstrating in that moment that what you see is just it's not just this it's actually everything else that i've done to bring me to this point outstanding isn't it a beautiful story and a great example of how we need to remind ourselves even if you're doing something new okay actually this is what brings us to the second story it's much easier to do that when you're in a space that you know she was a graphic designer she had all this experience in graphic design.

1:00:23Ed Mylett:What if you're stepping into something you have never done? And this is where we learn about Tinker Hatfield and the Nike story. So in 1985, Nike is struggling as a business. Stock price has declined, mass layoffs. They are struggling to enter the basketball market. So they host a 24-hour shoe design competition internally for their staff because they need fresh talent. They need new ideas. They're desperate. Tinker Hatfield was a young corporate engineer working for Nike, he enters it and he wins. Within 24 hours, he's offered a role to join the design team. He's never done design before. He starts in that role.

1:00:59Ed Mylett:And then he starts thinking, okay, well, I don't really know how to design. I've never done this before. But what have I done? Well, I've studied architecture. And I remember at architecture school, we learned about this building called the Centre Pompidou in Paris. And it's like this inside out building where everything that's usually hidden the structure you know the structural elements the mechanics the elevators they're all on the outside by design and he thought that's really cool what if we did something like that with a shoe and so he sketches out this design this sneaker with the nike swish and he has this big visible air pocket in the heel to see through the shoe and that became the nike air max one this iconic sneaker designed by this young guy who You had zero design experience.

1:01:43So good.

1:01:44Ed Mylett:So good. It also shows us that even though you don't have experience in a particular space, you still bring with you a different perspective, instincts, ways of looking at things, and other experiences that can actually be even more valuable than if you had been in that space the whole time.

1:02:00Dr. Shadé Zahrai:That is so good. I wish everyone who did more work on literally listing their attributes, like you said, because when I've asked people to do it, they can give me a list of 100 things they do poorly with instantaneously, reflexively. They're like, oh, I'm terrible at that. I can't do this and this. My nose is this. My ears are that. And I go, okay, well, what are you great at? And I watch their eyes go up, which is they're going to recall. And they're trying to think. They're like, well, I guess I'm, I'm like, stop it. There are so many things you bring to bear. You're not going to get through this life very well if you're not aware of what those things are.

1:02:29Dr. Shadé Zahrai:They should be on the tip of your tongue, the front of your mind, because that's what you bring to the table, whether it's your experience, your natural giftedness, your talent, et cetera. I love, I think you're brilliant, number one, but I also like that everything is applicable. So I'm going to ask you something I really didn't see in the book or I missed it. Can I do that?

1:02:46Ed Mylett:Yes. Can I just share one more thing here? Okay. So we are terribly, remarkably terrible at identifying our strengths and what we do well. It's just a known fact because we're so close to them that we don't even see them as special.

1:02:54Dr. Shadé Zahrai:You're exactly right. That's exactly right.

1:02:57Ed Mylett:And also the other thing which relates to Paula's situation is sometimes you've been doing something for so, you've been doing something so well for so long that because it's not an effort for you you don't see it as valuable rewind everybody one minute that's exactly

1:03:09Dr. Shadé Zahrai:right what she's telling you is exactly right you've lived with these things you're great at so long you take them for granted you think everybody else can do it or it's not that big of a deal and

1:03:17Ed Mylett:that is absolutely a lie absolutely a lie and so what's really valuable here is actually to ask other people now most people will go to others and say what are my strengths don't ask this question scrap that when you ask someone what are your strengths they go into business work mode and then they struggle and they they just list generic skills that's not what you're asking you want to go to people and say when have you seen me at my best what was i doing when have you seen me at my best i would love to say this is mine it's not it comes from research that was done i believe at the university of michigan the center for positive i need to get the correct name for this but they have actually done research and found that this question elicits so much value from other people because they're not trying to identify strength they're actually thinking about you in a moment doing something in particular where you shone very good and then you

1:04:07Dr. Shadé Zahrai:ask them to tell you about that experience you know why i know probably 18 times i've said very good it's because there's so much and i don't mean to be critical of like our space whatever this is that we're doing right now right it's so generic it's so repetitive it's so much the same stuff it's blows me away quite frankly what people will pay for when i watch people like that was the most vanilla advice. I mean, it's like, it was delivered.

1:04:32Ed Mylett:Well, it was delivered. Well, I just said this

1:04:34Dr. Shadé Zahrai:to someone that I go, my industry has become people who say absolutely nothing really well. It's, and I, and I don't mean, I guess that sounds negative, but it's like, it's so refreshing to have a conversation where it's like, and by the way, I've been doing this 35 years. That's new to me. That's awesome. That's true. I've done that. That works. So I love everything that you're talking about. I'm going to push you on something. Last question. And I mean, come back because I really feel like I've got through about 15 % of what you and I could talk about. So we should do this again at some point when I'm out on your Island.

1:05:02Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Um, let's just say that you're, cause this is, there's someone listening to this day that's at this stage of their life. They did have some self-confidence or self-trust. They were doing pretty well. And then a disruptive event took place in their life. That's altered it. I think of a time in my life where that happened where I felt like my self confidence, it was probably not as deep as I thought it was. It was more vulnerable than I thought but someone's listening to this they're like you know I thought I was pretty special and attractive and I found out my spouse was cheating and or he or she repeatedly told me for five years that I wasn't beautiful anymore I was overweight or I thought I was a great entrepreneur and I blew it I made a mistake I trusted the wrong person I lost my business or something's happened where they've lost something and this can cause somebody to lose themselves it happened to me once in business when I was very young where I just couldn't get back on my feet, so to speak.

1:05:54Dr. Shadé Zahrai:I had lost that swagger that I thought at least that I had. So what would you say to somebody who's listening that goes, you know, I thought I was pretty stable at this and pretty good, but then this event happened. You know, something happened. I lost my business. I lost a relationship. I made a bad call or someone's hurt me and I'm in this, I got to get remade state. I'm not sure what to do. What would you say to that person?

1:06:16Ed Mylett:Three things.

1:06:17Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Okay.

1:06:17Ed Mylett:First thing to acknowledge though, is that this undermines your autonomy. when things outside of your control happen to you it can completely undermine that attribute and then that fuels things and makes you feel powerless and makes you dwell and ruminate the very first thing to acknowledge is when we're in that state it's very easy to think why me why did this happen to me but the more you repeat why me the more you are victimizing yourself life feels unfair things are never going to get better and you're further undermining your autonomy a simple way to increase your autonomy me in the moment is go okay what next what next it happened I can't do anything about that but I control my next step what next what is fascinating is when we're in why me territory there's more activation in the fear centers in the amygdala you feel powerless but that also makes you pay more attention to everything that's wrong in your life it's default thinking when you shift your attention to what next you're bringing it back to possibility solution finding from there the second step is to write down every okay so when we're in the state the why me state we tend to go into the land of shoulds I should have done this I should have been better I should have noticed sooner or I should be doing this I should be doing that now and how do you feel when someone says to you Ed you should

1:07:31Dr. Shadé Zahrai:do this no bueno no bueno right we experience something called reactance

1:07:37Ed Mylett:which is this deep resistance and we become teenagers no I'm not doing that funny enough that can happen when we use should on ourselves as well so instead of should research shows that there is one switch to change that word should into something else that opens up divergent thinking makes us more open to solutions and options it's just to shift from should to could okay you get a piece of paper and you write down a I could list all the things that you could do in the moment they can be big they can be small I could do this I guess I could do that I could do that and it just reminds you hey there are things you could do now you're not committing to those things which is also very comforting creates possibilities the next step is okay that's my I could list what is my I will list pick the three smallest things on that write them in your I will list and do them hmm why is this important every very small step that you take rebuild your autonomy you're getting a proof point an evidence piece of okay no matter how terrible things are I can still move forward I can still do something that changes what's going to happen next that is incredibly powerful the final step or the third piece here is to make sure that you're around people who believe in you who are positive not the toxic optimists we're not talking about people who say chin up you'll be right you know they can sit with you they can acknowledge that was really tough but who also believe in your potential because when you are around people who believe in you and what is possible it's called the pygmalion effect you are more likely to live up to those expectations they shape what you believe is possible for yourself but if you're around people who have very low expectations for you and unfortunately for a lot of people that is your families or your friends because they see you how they've always seen you which is maybe how you were before but you have grown you're not the same person and they unknowingly try and keep you the same which is very difficult when you are trying to grow you are more likely to live down to their expectations now one other quick tip here when When anyone is on a journey of growth, any kind of growth, you're going to go through a lot of beautiful transformations.

1:09:40Ed Mylett:And what is something, Ed, that people very close to you might say when you're going through all these transformations, there's often something that they say that is not necessarily a positive.

1:09:53Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Any ideas what it means? You're changing. You've changed.

1:09:56Ed Mylett:You've changed. Now if you struggle with any of these attributes, especially acceptance, your usual response to that is no no no I haven't I'm exactly the same and then you try and prove it to them that you're the same and then you might do the same things you did before to try and prove that you're the same so you win back their affection because then if you do then the best response in this moment because it's never really a positive like wow you've changed it's more wow who the heck are you why are you faking it and unfortunately I had people that I love say this to me because they didn't understand sure and that was really hard the best response that we have found when someone says you've changed is three words.

1:10:33Ed Mylett:Thanks for noticing.

1:10:34Dr. Shadé Zahrai:That's good. Thanks for noticing. That's very good.

1:10:37Ed Mylett:You are saying so much in only three words. You're saying, yes, change has been a priority for me and I've been working on it. Thank you for noticing that I have been transforming and you instantly flip something that is otherwise a negative into an incredible positive. Not only that, you give them permission to think, oh, okay, so you've been prioritizing change and look at how you've changed, maybe I can do the same. Very good.

1:10:59Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Very good. You are exceptional.

1:11:01Ed Mylett:Thank you, Ed.

1:11:02Dr. Shadé Zahrai:And this is an extraordinary conversation. One of the easiest podcasts I've ever done. Oh,

1:11:07Ed Mylett:I'm so glad.

1:11:08Dr. Shadé Zahrai:No, you're a great guest, but your work's exceptional. You're exceptional. You don't need my validation, by the way, because you've got a ton of autonomy.

1:11:15Ed Mylett:Well, my lack of acceptance appreciates it.

1:11:18Dr. Shadé Zahrai:I'm working on it. That part of the profile, I could still fill in for you. By the way, Probably the most beautiful name that's been in the history of the show. Sade Zerai. Did I say that right?

1:11:28Ed Mylett:Perfect.

1:11:28Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Was it perfect?

1:11:29Ed Mylett:Yeah.

1:11:29Dr. Shadé Zahrai:I'm my favorite singer of all time, so this is great. Her work, you guys, you should just go get the book. Big trust. Dr. Sade Zerai. And I know that you're going to want to go get more of her. I'm going to have you back on the show. I would love to come back. Even if I have to come to the island. Everybody, one other thing, too, for me to engage with me, make sure you're getting on my email list because we're doing more stuff for the show through email. So go to edmylett.com and submit your email. make sure you share this episode and make sure you go get a copy of Big Trust. God bless you, everybody.

1:11:57Dr. Shadé Zahrai:Max out. This is the Ed Mylon Show.

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