How to Recharge the Strong Men in Your Life

0:28So, hey, guys, are you frustrated with where you're at right now?

0:33This is The Ed Myron Show. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. So today's show is very, very personal for me and very important to me as a man. And so I'm going to talk to you today from a male's perspective about the men in your life and some of the concerns I have that I just sense so often through a lot of the messages I receive from men online, on my Instagram, through this podcast. So many men are tired right now. And I mean that from not so much as physical, but mentally and emotionally and spiritually. So I'd like you to listen to this closely today if you have a brother or a son or a father, maybe a significant other or a husband in your life, a boyfriend.

1:14Just like you to pay attention to the things I'm going to cover about whether or not your man is very tired and maybe even breaking a little. Now, having said that, I'm covering it today as a man because I am one. But as I go through these things, this could just as easily apply to anybody, man or woman. And so many people are tired and down in our culture today. And I think we need to keep an eye on one another. But since I'm a guy, I'm going to talk about it from this perspective today because I understand this one pretty well. But I know full well, as I've said, that many of you ladies listening to this will say, same here.

1:49This includes me as well. And so keep an eye on your sisters also. So, but these are signs that maybe your man is tired or maybe even breaking a little bit. And like I said, it may not be physical. It may be more mental or emotional, but I'm going to describe him a little bit. I'm going to speak for him. And by the way, I'm also very, uh, I hear all this, you know, alpha male content that's on the inner about do this and this, and a man's got to step up. And for the record, I believe in that very wholeheartedly. Um, I, I consider myself, if there's such a thing, I don't know that I love the term alpha male, but I think most people that know me would say I'm an alpha of alphas almost in the sense that I coach a lot of strong male figures and they look to me for strength and confidence as well.

2:31Having said all of that, I think some of that can be overcooked and some of that stuff makes men not be vulnerable or authentic with their real feelings of what they're going through because they believe it's a sign of weakness. And so I want to break some of those barriers down today. I believe you can be a strong man or a strong woman. At the same time, be vulnerable and be willing to reveal fears and insecurities and things that are bothering you. And so let's just look at some of the signs, and maybe I'll describe for you some of the things that maybe your man is going through in his life.

3:03And again, of course, this applies to everybody. So again, it may not be physical. It could be mental and emotional fatigue. But let me tell you, he's tired of working so hard and having other people let him down. Things not working out. Not catching a break here or there. And he's not going to probably tell you about this because a man thinks if he reveals things like this that he's tired or hurting, that it's a sign of weakness. And nobody wants a weak man, most men think. And so we're constantly putting on the face, the mask of strength. And we don't want to reveal to you that we're hurting a little bit because we don't want to scare you.

3:41We don't want you to think we're not strong. We're not an alpha. We're not stepping up. And, you know, in his case, he may or may not want to die or anything like that. Maybe he does. But although sometimes he thinks a little bit about what it might be like not to have this huge burden on his back, the feeling of being average and ordinary or invisible, maybe he feels like he's just letting so many people down in his family because he hasn't won yet. and oftentimes in many men's lives their favorite time of day is when they actually go to sleep because they get a chance to just hide they get a chance to escape and the the irony is that even though he looks forward to sleeping so much he doesn't sleep very deeply or very well because so much is on his mind he may or may not be depressed but i can tell you this he feels sad often he feels alone often he feels isolated often let me just stop right there and say if any of you men are feeling that way or any of you women are feeling that way, it's okay to feel those things.

4:44And there's a way out. And we're going to talk about that towards the end. Oftentimes, maybe he feels like he's done so much for other people. And then when he needed them, they let him down. That he believed in other people and gave to other people. And when the chips were down and he needed that reciprocated, they weren't there for him. That he's learned in life that a lot of these buddies of his that he went drinking with or went to a ball game with or even grew up with, they weren't really his friends. They were there to use him. They were there for a stage in his life. And for him, loyalty matters.

5:16For him, dedication matters. For him, being there for a friend matters. And he just always assumed that that would be reciprocated, and it hasn't been reciprocated. And so he's been let down. He's been hurt. And again, as I say this, I know so many of you ladies are going, Hello, I know exactly what that's like, and I know that you do. And men, if you have a woman in your life, a daughter, a sister, a mother, she may also be feeling these things. A spouse, a girlfriend, that her friends have let her down and she feels alone. She feels isolated. She feels hurt. She feels a lack of connection in deep relationships.

5:56Perhaps she feels invisible. And oftentimes I can tell you this man that I know very well, he feels invisible. and he thinks about and often hides things because he tries to escape. And one of his escapes can be alcohol. It could be gambling. It could be drugs. It could be pornography. It could be hiding in the lives of other people like his favorite sports team. It's one of the most insidious places men hide in our culture today is they hide in professional or college sports teams and they live their lives through these people that are actually living their lives on the field and they're just a fan in the stands.

6:35And the only way they gather any acknowledgement in their life is when a bunch of strangers on a field with other names on their back win or lose. And that somehow we won. And because their own lives have become so impossible to deal with, so sad, so frustrating, so empty that they've attached themselves and latched themselves on, To a bunch of strangers, whom, by the way, switch teams every three or four years anyways and don't even play for their team much. And again, I understand there's a beautiful thing about being a sports fan. I'm a huge sports fan. I'm a huge sports fan. I love all my Boston sports teams.

7:18When they win, I certainly feel great. And when they lose, I don't. But there's everything in life is moderation. I don't live my life through them. I don't feel a sense of achievement when they win a game. I don't. I feel a sense of happiness and joy, but I'm not hiding in those lives. I'm very much focused on my own. But oftentimes, a way to escape is alcohol. And by the way, alcohol in moderation for many people is fine. Even if you want to gamble once in a while in moderation for some people, that's fine, right? Being a sports fan is great in moderation, but when it becomes your sole source of acknowledgement, your sole source of joy, your sole source of escape.

8:01You're just hiding in your own lives.

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8:33And so the problem for him is not that he's feeling a whole lot of anything right now. He feels a bit empty. He feels a bit alone. And maybe right now he's feeling a little bit lost. He overthinks things. He does not believe in himself like he used to. And now that's starting to impact his effort. He's tried and tried and tried and he believed in himself and he worked on himself, but it just hasn't worked It's not that he's lazy He's just lost. It's not that she's lazy. She's lost And so over time because of all of this discouragement that i've talked about in other videos the four d's the d's of doubt discouragement delusion and delay He's just a little bit lost And it looks like laziness, but he just doesn't believe in himself truly like he used to And yes, he's got such a big heart.

9:22And frankly, the truth is his heart's been broken too many times. Broken because he's tried something that didn't work out. Broken because a friend let him down. Broken because a relationship didn't work out. Broken because one of his dreams didn't come true. And so how do we help this man that's going through this? How do we help this woman, this brother or sister of ours that's going through this? What are the things we can do? Because they're not going to tell you about it. And the longer he goes in silence and doesn't express these feelings, the deeper it will get and the scarier it can get.

9:54And I can just tell you all so much as a man that, yeah, this alpha stuff is awesome. And I do believe in those things very deeply. All you have to do is watch my content. But I also know there's another side of things where vulnerability is almost shamed in men. It's shamed in everybody in our culture. It's weakness. You're not focused. You're not on your game. You're not doing your cold plunge. You're not in your morning routine. I got all that. And then there's times in life where you've done all those things and it hasn't paid off. And then you did it again and it didn't pay off. And then a friend let you down and it didn't pay off.

10:29And then a relationship didn't work out or a business didn't happen. And you find yourself in life just where you never expected to be by this time. You thought by this time, had you worked that hard, things would have been better. You just always thought it would be better. and you've tried and tried and tried. And there's a lot of despair in men in our culture, in people in our culture. And I fear that that despair is growing. And I fear that that despair is moving into depression. And as that depression potentially deepens, that terrible things can happen. That A, someone may hurt themselves or hurt someone else by acting out of that pain.

11:11Hurt people hurt people. and I worry about so much hurt in the world. When I see people on social media doing harm to one another, I know what it is. They're hurting themselves. Internally, they're hurting themselves and so they want to lash out and make a comment or lash out and do something to somebody and somehow I can just make them feel some of the pain, some of the lack, some of the scarcity, some of the insecurity I feel about myself. I might feel a little bit better about me. it's not who they really are. Most humans are good. Most humans are precious. Most humans are just acting out of something to feel some sort of sense of self, to feel some sort of importance.

11:58And if they can't achieve something, if they can't contribute something, if they've been let down repeatedly, then maybe if I just tear some stuff down, I'll feel better. If I can't get significance through my achievements, I'll get significance through doing harm. You see some of these precious children that end up doing harm in these schools, and oftentimes I really believe it's their way of just finally feeling significant, feeling important. Oh, you don't notice me? Well, you'll notice me now. And so how do we help this man I'm describing? And so many men that are listening to this right now, I guarantee you are very connected to what I'm saying.

12:37So many of the ladies listening to this can see it in their man or see it in themselves or see it in their girlfriend, see it in their sister. So how do we help them? It's just not good enough that you let them know that you love them. I'm going to tell you what I believe part of the formula is. You can't just love them. You've got to let them know that you believe in them. There's a huge difference between loving somebody and believing in them. And you've got to tell them that you believe in them over and over and over again because they know you love them. It's not that you don't love them. It's that they don't believe in themselves enough.

13:10You can't pour from an empty cup. And here's the good news. Truth vibrates at the highest frequency. So if you truly do believe in this man, tell him over and over. Sit him down and say, not only do I love you, I know I tell you I love you all the time, but I need to tell you I believe in you. I believe in you. And as a friend, as a brother, if you're listening to this, If you don't have someone, I believe in you, brother. I believe in you, sister. I believe you were born to do something great. I believe it's not too late. And I also believe this person still wants to be challenged. So if you have this person in your life, let them know you believe in them, not just love them.

13:50Poor belief. You can't transfer to me that which you really aren't experiencing. So you've got to pour it into them. But when you tell someone the truth about themselves, that you believe in them, It vibrates at a high frequency and you supercharge them. It's more powerful than you know. And it might take more than once. It might take five times, 10 times, 20 times. But every human is worth pouring into. If you have a child that's going the wrong way, love on him, love on him. But you've got to let him know, I believe in you. What happens when people make mistakes is they believe, they think you don't believe in them anymore.

14:24If you've got a child who's gone sideways or a friend who's gone sideways or a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a husband or wife It was just they haven't won yet. They know you love them, but they don't think you believe in them anymore. And that's what's killing them. Nobody believes in me. I don't believe in me. And so the belief aspect is totally different than love. And I think as a parent, oftentimes, I love you, but you've shamed the mistake. You've shamed them so many times. You've punished them so many times. Listen, discipline is important. In the Bible, Jesus rebuked the apostles when they would make a mistake.

15:00That's what it means to disciple. It's okay to discipline. But discipline and shaming, discipline and disappointment is different. The worst thing to hear, you know this, when you were a kid was not when your parents were mad at you. It's when they were disappointed in you. Right? If someone thinks you're disappointed in them, they're not going to get up. So if you have a child who thinks you're disappointed in them, they're toast. Most, if you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend who thinks you're disappointed in them, they can't get up if they're already down. Your love doesn't get them up. Your belief does.

15:34And if you love me and you're disappointed in me, I'm staying down. So I want you to believe in them, number one. Number two, I want you to get them to accept a challenge from you. I believe in you. I believe in you. And I want to challenge you to do X, Y, Z. You got to challenge them to do something. Let me tell you something. All people want to be challenged as long as they feel your belief. And what maybe this person's suffering from right now is the lack of a new challenge, right? Because you got a first poor belief. That's step one. I believe in you, and it may take multiple times. And once you've dosed them with enough of that, then you challenge them.

16:08Honey, I want to challenge you to do this. Honey, I want to challenge you to do that. Son, I want to challenge you to do this. Brother, friend, I want to challenge you to do this. Get them to accept a challenge, right? And then hold them accountable in that challenge. And what he needs is he needs to begin to get some small wins to create momentum in the other direction. What's happening is he's going downhill and he's stacking these dark thoughts and he just wants to go to sleep. And then when he sleeps, he's still tired when he wakes up. His favorite time of day is when he goes to sleep. His favorite time of day needs to be when he wakes up, that he wakes up with someone who believes in him.

16:45He wakes up with a challenge to go get something. He wants to chase. He wants to hunt. He wants to win. He's designed to hunt, to be challenged, to achieve, to win. But he only does that on the wins of belief. And what he needs is just some small wins. Small wins are how you get it going. Small wins. Hey, get up at a particular time, a particular routine, a particular amount of contacts, a particular amount of reps in the gym, a particular amount of hydration, a particular amount of contacts in a given day. Small wins. Small wins beget big wins.

17:24The reason we spiral the other way is we get momentum going downhill. And it's very easy to get downhill momentum in our lives. And then we just feel like we can't stop tumbling. I can't stop. No one will help me. This person let me down. I don't believe in myself anymore. She doesn't believe in me anymore. And it's this dark path. So we've got to reverse it. And the way we stop the downward path is belief, not just love, belief. And then we reverse it as we challenge them to take a step up the mountain again. And when they get one step and they get another, they get small, tiny little steps. They begin to build momentum in the other direction.

18:07And so that's a big step. And then maybe he needs to try to connect again with his faith on a deeper level. Challenge him to connect if he has faith, to connect in his scriptures at a deeper level, to connect that way, so that he's got this belief, he's got this challenge. Now he's got some small wins. He's connecting to his faith, which is the true belief of all belief, right? If he's got faith in his life. Maybe that challenge, if he doesn't have any is to challenge him to explore that part of his life. The great comfort in life is to know that you are never alone. The Bible tells us he will never leave you nor forsake you, that you are never alone.

18:47Maybe he's got to connect a little bit deeper with whatever his faith is, whatever that practice is, whatever the one is that means the most to him. If he can reconnect with that, it can create truth to him that vibrates at a high frequency. The ultimate truth is what we believe about whatever our faith is. And when we reconnect with that faith, we are now vibrating at the highest possible frequency again. It's the greatest form of belief. Belief from a loved one is huge, but belief in where we're going and what we were made for is a whole other level. And then you know what? He needs permission to start over.

19:21And if you're listening to this, my brother or my sister, I'm giving you permission right now to start over. I can tell you right now, it's not too late. There's a way out. There's always a way out. There's always a way out. It's never too late. You can turn this around. No matter what you've done, it's okay. You can fix this. You can turn it around. I promise you. And maybe the next part of it is he needs to give up his addiction to being a part of the crowd. Too many of you men that are listening to this, you want to be a part of the crowd. You want to be one of the guys. You want to be just like everybody else.

19:56Here's the truth. You weren't born to be like everybody else. You weren't born to be one of the guys. You're not supposed to be like everybody else. You're supposed to be an individual. When a man is in a group of guys all the time, he loses his individuality. He loses his ability to express his uniqueness and his greatness in the crowd. That's why even in every single team sport, they play individual positions. So it's great to have a group around you, of course, that supports you, that are your boys or your girls or your tribe. But don't hide in the tribe. Don't hide in the crowd. Don't hide in the pack.

20:32Still be an individual. Let me be very clear. One of the most important things that you can build around you is a tribe of people who support you, who believe in you, right? Who challenge you, who love you. But oftentimes, people take those to an extreme and they begin to hide in the pack, Hide in the crowd. Hide in the tribe. Hide as one of the boys. Hide as one of the girls. And you lose your individuality when you do that. And over time, if you just stay in the tribe, if you just stay in the pack, that is one of the keys that begins the downward spiral in life. Play your individual position.

21:07Play your individual game. Supported by the team around you. Supported by the tribe. You've got to feel good when someone else scores that touchdown that you threw the block. Right? that you threw the block, that if it's baseball, that you do your part, whatever it is in life, that if you're in a company, that you want the company to win, but don't hide in the company. Do your part. Be great at what you do. So give up your addiction to being a part of the crowd, one of the guys, just like everybody else, and begin to express this new version of yourself and become addicted to your expansion. I want you to get addicted again to expanding.

21:41The good thing about being in a small place if it's not good is it's very easy to expand from there. At the highest levels, expansion is more difficult. So one of the advantages of being down on our luck or not playing well in our life is we can expand more easily. Become addicted. I always say I'm addicted to the expansion of my being. And so become addicted to that, not being a part of the crowd. Maybe you need to begin to tell yourself again a new story about who you're becoming and And stop telling the story about who you were or what's happened to you or what the past is. These stories we tell ourselves are very powerful.

22:16We keep telling a story about this guy let me down. I tried this. I used to be that. And what you're doing when you're telling the story is you're actually comparing where you are now to that former story. And it doesn't feel good. And it reinforces how bad things are now. Stop making the excuses. Stop telling the story. Enough of all that. Enough of all of it. Tell a new story. There's power in just telling a new story. Yeah, that's what happened, but here's where I'm going. This is what I'm focused on. This is my challenge. These are the small wins I'm getting. See, if you're honest about where you are, there's, man, express it to somebody.

22:49Tell them, I'm hurting. I'm down. I need some help. Express it, right? It's okay to do that. It's not weakness. It's strength. Weakness is pretending to be living a way that you're not. If you're hurting, express it. Tell them. They love you. They believe in you. And then create a new story. You cannot create a new story if you're not totally honest about the one you're in now. But once you're honest, I'm hurting. I'm down. I don't feel good about myself. Right? Now, from that place of honesty and vulnerability and authenticity, you can build a new powerful story and create a new one anytime you want.

23:25Do you know that anytime you want, you can literally write a new chapter of the book of your life? You and God are the author. At any time, you can just decide, I'm grabbing the pen and I'm going to write a new chapter. And so these other chapters are part of my story, and those tests I had are going to be my testimony. These previous chapters are going to make the end of this book so incredible. Talk about a plot twist. When I was one of my most downtown times in my life, I kept saying to myself, Plot twist, plot twist, and that meant I was writing a new chapter. Yeah, I lost here. Yeah, I lost there.

24:01Yeah, I made that mistake. Yeah, I was down there. Yeah, I'd lost my confidence there. Plot twist, bam, new chapter, new author. And I started to write that new story. And that first chapter doesn't have to be conquering Mount Everest. The first chapter needs to be a small win. When people look back on the turnaround of their life, it's usually a small thing. Just a small one. And then another one. And then another one. And all of a sudden, you've got momentum going back up the mountain again. I just want to say to you, my brother or my sister, you're good. And your past does not disqualify you.