If You Surround Yourself With THIS, You Can Do ANYTHING! | Ed Mylett

24:49But their conduct is not congruent with their words. The other thing is in life is that I think the people that you want to be around the most actually do act the way that they speak. Those are the people that you can get closest to. Those are the people that you can trust. Too many of us rely on the spoken word and not enough on what we're seeing right in front of us And it's not until many years or long after you go. It was right there. The writing was on the wall. I saw it Why didn't I act on it because you were listening too much? And so the best advice I can give you To live a happier and more blissful life and it's a sad thing to say But the truth is is watch how they behave even as a parent with our children It's not what they say.

25:28It's what they do In every area of life what someone does should be speaking the loudest, but it doesn't And then even on your own life What if you begin to really take a look at your own actions? What you actually really do every day if you really love somebody Do you act like you love them? Do you treat them like you see love is a verb Not a noun It's a verb You have to act in certain way and behave in a certain way And if you're not doing that to somebody, you're not loving them like you should. You say, I'm dedicated, but you're not there very often. Right. Or as a parent, I'll do anything for my children.

26:08You say all these things we're supposed to say, but do you, you'll do anything really do you in business, man, all the right things. I'm motivated. I'm pumped up. I'm learning. I'm growing. Prove it, do it. And so in our lives eventually by the way Eventually everybody is revealed by their deeds. Everybody is revealed by what they do not what they say And you'd be a lot happy if you did it the other side of that too It's something that I really worry about is social media Where we're watching people say all the right things see the one thing on social me, especially this time of year is everyone's out Having a great time.

26:43Everybody's partying everybody's celebrating Right and a lot of times you're sitting there with your own problems your own life right in front of you what you've got to deal with, the actual things, actually things you've got to do. And you're watching people show you all this very orchestrated, very curated content. And it seems like, doesn't it seem like in life, everybody's at a party, everybody's on a yacht, everybody's in Greece, everybody's laughing, everybody's got great friends, everybody's enjoying their life, everybody's got plenty of money to spend. And then you're sitting there dealing with a problem, a frustration, an issue.

27:17You're dealing with the things you do. And it's one of the real detriments of social media. I want you to remember this. None of that's real. I'm with those people a lot of times when they're posting it and they're in an argument with their spouse before they take the beautiful picture. They're struggling to pay the bill at the bar that they're celebrating and toasting to. And so it's not real. In life, it's never as good as it seems. And the truth is, It's never as bad as it seems in our lives, but it's very easy to get very jaded and frustrated and down over watching the words of people on social media or even the videos they post in little snippets of their lives.

28:00And it makes us think our own lives aren't all that rewarding. I want you to remember something that I've really found out as I've gotten older. Everybody's screwed up. Everybody's got problems. Everybody's struggling. Just some people are better at masking it. Some people are better at covering it up. And the truth is, is like once you know that, and by the way, I'll let you in on the inside. I have some of the most successful people in the world on my show. I coach some of them. I coached, I've been blessed to coach some of the top athletes in the world, some of the top business people, CEOs, entertainers, politicians, even myself.

28:36I have a laundry list of problems all the time. I'm struggling most of the time. And i'm probably guilty of it as well posting highlight reels of my day in my life when the truth of the matter is i'm screwed up I'm, just trying to figure things out as well I think one of the reasons my show works is i'm vulnerable and authentic about that That i'm working through many of these things success leaves clues i'm 52 years old I've got a lot of solutions because you know why i've had a lot of problems I have a lot of answers because i've had lots of questions in my life And so don't let other people fool you into you believing their life is perfect because you're watching them.

29:14If you begin to watch people with the sound off, with the social media off, you'd understand we're all human beings. We're all trying to get through this life and grow and improve and be happier and create memories and make a difference. We all are. We're just at different stages or different versions of it. Sometimes people are further down the road of solving those problems, maybe like myself. But by no means did I not go down that road. By no means are there still not issues and problems and quite frankly, tragedies often in life that happen from time to time. But we'd all be better suited if we were aware that that's the case.

29:50We'd all be better suited in our relationships and in our business lives if we did the silent movie. Turn the sound down. Turn the volume all the way down. How are you really treating me? How do you really behave? How loving are you really? How dedicated are you really? How committed are you really in our relationship? At work, how motivated and hardworking are you really? How much do you really care? And we only know that by watching. We've become a world conditioned to listen, to listen, to listen. We've become a world conditioned to look at social media and really believe that's real life. That's not real.

30:34and in your real life, neither are the words people speak. I'm not saying that people don't have beautiful words and mean them. What I'm saying is we're fooled by them often. We're deceived by them often. We're manipulated by them often. And maybe we are because we want to believe it. Maybe we are because we would just like to believe that that's the case. And you know what's really cool? The great people in your life, the loving people in your life, when you turn the sound down on their life, they're even better. In fact, most of the great loving and amazing people in your life don't spend a lot of time with their words trying to convince you They just quietly go about their lives showing you In your business life.

31:15It's not the person who stands up and speaks all the time It's the person who draws very little attention to themselves and just serves and makes the difference Think about that if you have a great mom like I do When's the last time your mom bragged about the things she did for you? My mom has never once said, do you know how many meals I cooked for you? Do you know how many times I wiped your nose or your butt or took care of you when you were sick? Do you know how many times I picked you up from school when I was sick and didn't want to? How many times I held you when you were crying or I drove you home from a sporting event after you struck out three times?

31:50How many times I've stayed up nights waiting for you to come home when you were in high school to make sure you were safe? how much praying I've done for you and loving I do, how many minutes a day, even now that you're in your 50s, I think about you and worry about you. Our moms never point those things out to us. They just quietly do them. And probably neither do you. With the people you really love in your life, you don't need to point it out. You don't need to say it. Because love is a verb. Work is a verb service is a verb contribution is a verb And so start to turn the sound down Man, your life will get better.

32:29It's maybe the number one key I could give you To be able to make better decisions to assess people to judge properly To navigate your life to decide whether to stay in a relationship or a business whether to hire somebody or not Is to watch them with the sound off And then lastly watch yourself with the sound off when you turn all the noise down on you What are you doing every single day? So when you drown out all the noise all the social media all the distraction our life comes down to a handful of moments Every day of the decisions and choices we make And when we make the right decisions and take the right actions The words will come The accolades will come the rewards will come and eventually everybody's revealed.

33:17If you're a person of faith at some point in your life when you get to heaven, you ain't gonna talk your way in there, right? You know, you're not gonna talk your way in there. It's the life you lived. It's who you accepted and believed in when you were here. That's what's gonna count. It's not the words. Words go away real quickly. Actions live on forever. Actions are like seeds that you're planting that reap a harvest. Actions vibrate at certain frequencies and attract certain things in our life Words don't vibrate at very high frequencies. It's a very low frequency behavior actions and intentions Vibrate at the highest possible frequency and they eventually draw into our lives Basically a harvest of which we've planted with our actions And so I just want to encourage you to do that The people that i've admired the most in my life and i'm a speaker by the way So I do a lot of words and I host a lot of podcasts and I do a lot of interviews and I coach a lot of people.

34:13But in my life, the people that I've listened to that closely speak very quietly, speak very little. They're the ones that I lean in when they speak because they don't have a lot of time to speak because they're doing so much action-taking, so many deeds of service and love and hard work and contribution that the few times they do speak, you really want to hear from them. You all know this. You have that person in your life that when they speak, everybody listens because you respect them so highly. And the reason you respect them so highly is not the previous words they've spoken. It's the previous actions they've taken and the actions they've taken consistently in their life over and over and over again that reveal who they really are.

34:54Because long term in our lives, you show me your schedule. You show me your actions. You show me the behaviors of your life. And I will eventually show you your life. You show me your words and I have no idea what your life's going to look like. So take it from a guy who's lived a little longer than many of you As i've gotten older and older I listen A lot less and I watch a lot more I listen a lot less to myself And I observe and watch myself a lot more And I certainly don't pay attention to what I see on social media because I know better I know we're all a little bit messed up and trying to get through this life And by the way When I say we're all a little bit messed up I actually believe we're made perfect in god's image But that we were put here to grow and expand and that we're given these challenges and these problems in our life As ways in which to reveal solutions as ways that our faith And our lives is revealed in my own life.

35:51I have to tell you I've reached the conclusion many different times that i'm not capable on my own And that I look higher I looked at jesus in my life in your life Whatever god is for you, but I look there for my comfort for my answers for my solutions because I'm not always capable. I'm not always worthy. I'm not always ready to meet the moment. But he always is in my life. And it's not because of the words that he spoke. It's because of the deeds that he did, because of the way that he lived his life that I follow him. And because of the way he lived his life, those words have depth and meaning to me because they're congruent with the actions that he took.

36:38I hope this helped you today. I know it's brief, but it's really, really important. And I guarantee you there'll be a moment in the next few days where my words will be a healthy reminder to you in some situation. This will not take long to make an impact on your life. It will not take long. It may not even take that many hours before a situation is going to come up and you're going to go, I remember what he said. I'm going to watch this with the sound off here. I'm going to begin to watch it like a silent movie. Watch this person like a silent movie. Because once they behave in the way that is congruent, then their words really have impact and meaning.

37:12It's like a validation on their behavior. There's three types of people in life. There's motivational people. Motivational people are awesome. You see them and you get motivated. What they do is they get you motivated based on your motives. If you do this, you'll get a Lambo. If you do this, you'll get money. If you do this, you'll get a body. If you do this, you'll get a relationship. So you are moved by your motives. Nothing wrong with being motivated or being a motivational person. In fact, I'd like to think I am a motivational person. I am motivated. But that's a low level of movement. It's a low level of chase.

37:44It's a low level of juice. But it is a level, and it's more than most people have. So if you're looking for motivation, you can get it. The second level is far more powerful, though. If you can add it, you can stack it. I'm motivated, and you stack to the next level. So you get motivation. You want that. You want the external. You want motives. But then you move to step two, which is inspirational people or inspired people. Those people are a different type of force because inspired people, the root of the word inspire is to be in spirit. So you got motivation going. Now you got inspiration going in your life.

38:19Inspirational people, they move mountains. There's an in spirit. It touches your soul. It moves you at an energetic level. that life force, that soul spirit level that can overcome about anything. Motivational people can get stopped sometimes if they don't get their motive or they do get what they were motivated by. I've watched a lot of people get what they wanted. They got the car, they got the money, they got some position or title, they got the degree. And then what? Because they were only motivated, meaning they were only after their motive. And once you get it, what's left? or if you don't get it, that next level is so powerful, which is to be inspirational or to be in spirit.

39:03That's to move people with love. What I'm talking about today is to go to the next level, you need to be inspired. And then the third type of person is very rare. Those are aspirational people. Aspirational people are people you aspire to be like. So if you want to get your family motivated or your company motivated, let's take your company. Hey, if we do X or Y, I'm paying this bonus. If we do X, Y, or Z, we're taking a company trip. If we do X, Y, or Z, it'll mean a job promotion for you. That's motivating people and you should do that. The next level though, is to get them inspired in spirit, which is to say, we're going to make a difference in other people's lives.

39:41We're going to make history. We're going to create change. We're going to change the planet. We're going to rewrite a wrong. We're going to do something great as a company. We're going to make history that, or as a family, we're going to take the whole family do a new level. We're going to create generational wealth. This family is going to be joyous and different and amazing. I said earlier, one of the things about Dr. King that was so powerful was not only was he motivational, but he was inspirational. You felt something spiritual. You felt something in your soul. You felt an emotion. But he was even beyond that, wasn't he?

40:15The reason he was a transformational figure is because he was aspirational. People aspired to be like him. He didn't just speak. He went to the march. He stood in the line. He stood in the tough place. He took the hits. He lived under threat for so long and still stood by his beliefs and his dream. He was aspirational. If you're a follower of Jesus, he sure heck was motivating. Man, what an inspirational man. What an inspirational figure when he was walking this earth. unbelievably inspirational, but he was more. He was aspirational. He lived it. He literally died for you and for me. Doesn't get any more aspirational than that.

40:59And that's how you create a big movement. That's how you create an amazing family. That's how you do something great. Motivational, inspirational, and aspirational. At least today, start by being motivated, but be working your way towards being inspirational and take massive action on a regular basis and you will become aspirational. Back it up with massive action. Anyway, that's what I think you do to change your life today. Now, there's a million things I can talk about. I talk about them every week. But in today's case, it takes leaders with vision to help people with dreams. And everybody you meet has a dream.

41:33Everybody you meet has a dream in their heart or they used to. And it is your job to reinvigorate, to turn that light on, to create that fire in other people with a kind word by telling them what you see. And then if they see you living a certain way, they want to be more like you, then you become aspirational in your family. Let me tell you what I see. Let me tell you what I see. I see a vision for our family. I see a vision for you, my son. I see a vision for you, my daughter. I see a vision for you. You're going to do something great with your life, and you repeat it over and over and over again.

42:04You tell them about their giftedness and their greatness and what they're good at. You back it up with the actions you take. That's how you transform that. In your company, it's the same thing. Let me tell you where I see we're going. If we get there, there's this trip. There's this contest. There's this reward. There's this promotion. But beyond that, we're going to make history. We're going to do something great. We're going to change this industry. We're going to do something awesome. People are going to know who we are. We're going to be on the map. We're going to compete. And then they see you act in a certain way, and then you're aspirational, and you validate the dream.

42:34So of all the accolades that this man has, the most impressive thing isn't even what I just shared with you. it's that my mom has a massive crush on you. No, I'm not kidding. So mom, I've embarrassed you to millions of people but my mom's crush is here today, Jay Shetty. Ed, thank you so much, man. I'm so grateful for this. Someone would pay a lot of money to do this but I'm gonna let them do it for free for a second. Sure. Someone says, I'm watching this and I really have this energy about me after listening to this or watching this that I wanna change my life. And maybe I don't have super high self-esteem right now and potentially I lack a little bit of direction or maybe I know what I want to do, but I don't know that I have the confidence to get there.

43:13If you just say, I want to turn my life around. I want to have some of these emotions that it seems as if you experience on a pretty regular basis. What advice or counsel, just in general, would you give somebody who wants to live a better life? Yeah, so one of my biggest things, first of all, would be that we do this wrong because we do either or or we do them in the wrong order. So in life, there are two aspects that impact everything, our thinking and our actions. And I read a quote the other day that was saying that the mistake we make is that we either act without thinking or we think without acting.

43:49And I think that's where most people are. If you're feeling stuck or you're like, I'm not sure what I'm doing right now, you're either doing too much thinking or you're doing too much acting. So you're just doing a lot of stuff, but you don't know why you're doing it. Or you're just sitting there procrastinating every day and you're doing it. So I'd say it's both. So the first thing I would say to you is take a moment and speak to three different people Speak to a family member a friend and a colleague and ask them this one question What strengths do I have? What do you think is my superpower?

44:19What skills do you think I bring emotional strong soft hard? Whatever it is do that first get that sense check Second thing for the next month take off every weekend eight days because there's eight Saturdays and Sundays all together in a month and book a different course, workshop, seminar, online, offline, go to an event, shadow a friend, go and spend time with an aunt, uncle who's doing the career you want. Go and have eight new experiences. And after each of them, sit with yourself and ask yourself, did I like that, yes or no? Whether you liked it or not, ask yourself, why did I like it or why did I not like it?

44:59And then ask yourself, would I like to do it again? And if the answer is yes, yes, yes, guess what? Go do it again. And if the answer is no, no, no, don't do it again. Leave it out. But if you've had eight, and this is the problem, we do that over a year. We do that over eight years. And that's why life feels slow and boring and lethargic and stuck. But it just, in the next eight days in a weekend, just test eight new things, and you'll have just a great experiment. And the worst thing that will happen is you'll find eight things that you don't like. but I guarantee you that even if you have a sense of that reflection in the beginning and what I don't get why we don't do this enough is we do it with food and movies all the time like you just Ed is such a kind man like I got here slightly late because of traffic and then he let me eat my lunch because I wanted to be full of energy I need to find out where that place is because it's local to here my team got it ordered for me it was amazing good and it's like you know when you eat something whether you like it or not you know when you watch a movie whether you like it or not you know when you read a book whether you like it or not.

46:01But why don't we ask ourselves after meeting people, completing projects, or going to places? Most of us keep meeting people that take our energy. Most of us keep going to places that drain us of our energy. And most of us keep working on projects that just disturb our energy. All you have to do is ask yourself, does this bring me alive? Why does it bring me alive? Really important to know why it works. And do I want to do it again? I got him. ah i got et hey so this is eric thomas as you all know and uh in my opinion you guys know that i've been speaking for a long time i think this is an anointed gifted incredible communicator because it comes from your heart but i love this analogy you have i've never heard before some people have heard but i want you to speak to this because big old reasons you talk about the difference between a gazelle and a lion and it's their reasons their purpose right speak to that for a And the reason why I'm so big on that is because as I've been speaking for over 20 years, I study people.

47:02And I'm like, yo, my man graduated magnum cum laude, summa cum laude. Why is he broke? I'm just like, I'm thinking if I was that smart, it would seem like I would have just owned half the world. But what I realize is it doesn't make a difference if you're smart, born in a wealthy family, born broke. I realize what makes people different is the energy level that they have. and the energy level is because of what's driving them. You feel me? So if you got a Ford Focus, that's a baby engine. It's nothing wrong with a Ford Focus. It's just a baby engine. And when I was coming around here, I could tell it's not going to make it, you know, in all these neighborhoods right here.

47:38You know what I'm saying? But when you look at an F-150, that engine is, it can pull a lot. You can put bricks in there. You can, construction, you can, if you, a snowboard, whatever you want to do. You can put a vehicle on that sucker and drive it because of the engine. And so what I try to explain to people is like yo, you got to understand that if you got these big old dreams with these little small engines You got these big old dreams with double-a batteries, bro Big old engine. I mean big old dreams with a D battery. You can't power nothing with that. So when I say DD That's like up. That's a big that's a V12.

48:13That's like don't give me up So you got 87 octane, you know, you got 89 you got 93 it's all it's all gas but it's different and so when I say a gazelle like a gazelle is only driven by I don't want to get caught you know I'm saying I just don't want to get caught so so so when you're running because you don't want to get caught versus you chasing because you got to feed your fat you got cubs it's just a difference so after running for so long first of all I didn't have no plans on running so that's number one like I didn't have no plans on running so now you got me running when I didn't have no plans on running.

48:49So guess what? After so long to run it, and you still behind me, I'm about to give up, because I didn't have no plans on running. So now it's like I'm running, running, running, running, and I'm looking at you and you still behind me, and I'm just like, you know what? Since I'm not running toward nothing anyway, I just get weak and give up. But if I'm running toward you and saying, my wife gotta eat, my son gotta eat, my daughter gotta eat, and they not gonna make it if I don't come back with something, then I'm not gonna stop until I get that thing. So that's why I'm saying like, yo, what's pushing you?

49:21What's driving you? And if the right stuff ain't driving, look, you can't come back to Didi and say, yo, D, I'm sorry, I ain't catch nothin' today. You can't say that to Didi. Didi don't wanna hear it. Didi's like, all right, go back out and get here, Didi. Don't come back until you get it. And because I wanna be with her, I'm like, Gazelle, it's just a matter of, yup. You gon' look, look, I don't even have to be strong. I'm just gon' keep running and you gon' stop sooner or later and I'm not gonna stop. And I'm gonna eat you, take you back to the crib. I'm such a huge thing, because people go, well, never quit.

49:51And you just explain why you never quit, right? Like, because I ever heard someone say, I'm in the hunt. That's the definition of being in the hunt. And people struggle sometimes. I mean, I just love you. Likewise, I'm feeling this. One people say to me all the time, well, I don't know what my reason is. I'm gonna give you a little secret. He's giving it to you. Almost always your reason is other people. Almost always your reason is faith or other people. Those are always the biggies. It's not stuff, right? It's not stuff. By the way, stuff's great. You should get stuff. You should get stuff. If there's stuff, get some.

50:24I've been happy poor and I've been happy rich. Happy rich is way better than happy poor. I promise you. I promise you. Way better. And you know what, guys? This is so big because, you know, Diddy and I, man, we love our home. We bought our home before I blew up. and this is why you need to be hanging with Ed. Right? This is why you need to be hanging with Ed. Thank you. Because Diddy and I were just talking. It was like, yo, we love our home. We love our whatever. You know what I'm saying? Great church family. We love everybody. Michigan, you know, whatever. Just want to get out when it's cold.

50:54But then I came here today. I came here. And listen to me. Y 'all got to understand something. This is not the first time I've been in a house. Like, you got to understand. It's not my first time. Like, yo, I walked through this and it wasn't a museum. like I've been to houses before it's like oh it's a museum I'm good on that yeah I'm like a friend I'm good on that I'm like I'm I'm good on showing people how much money I got I'm good on that when I walked in here and especially I was like yo this is like yo I could do this yeah you know what I'm saying I'm like and maybe I can't I don't know yet you know what I'm saying we'll talk later you know what I'm saying but no for real I'm just sitting here like yo bro so this is why this is important and this is probably why I don't do podcasts a lot because I'm not really interested in just you know being on somebody's show but I feel like you said like there's a reason why I'm here today and I'm about to go to the next like yo I'm about to go to another level myself you understand I'm saying like I'm about to leave and say like yo II like yeah you you doing this you're doing that you're doing that but like II like it's enough for you and DD y 'all got to chase something together now because before you was chasing for D not a D retired now you would D need to link up and they need to see yeah thanks man something honest to God I'm not kidding you I prayed about us meeting today.

52:04I'm not kidding you. Man, this makes me almost emotional. I literally prayed that you would tell me today that something happened today where you wanted to go to a new level and you got cleared out. I swear to you on anything important to me. That was my hope for today. Your prayer was answered. So amazing. I'm telling you, we don't do this. I was speaking in Irvine and I called and I said, Didi, you cool? Because it's her time now. I'm like, you cool with it? She's like, yeah, let's roll. And I'm coming. Like Norman, she'll be like, drop me off at the coastal mall and let me walk around. And I catch up with y 'all when I catch up.

52:37And then you even saw it. She was in the car. She's like, I'm good. You go in and do your thing. I'll meet you when you come back out. She came in. And then God just wanted us to see that. Awesome. Yeah. I've been not together. They're going to see us now. We're chasing them together now. And the reason is because once you pick that next thing, you'll go get it. And the reason is, is that you're what I would call like a dominator. like I think you know how to you can dominate a room you dominate anything you want right so but dude that's for that I can already tell you for a fact that's never going to happen like you know about energy just forget it I'm already telling you right now I can tell 100 % Abercrombie Kids knows how to make outfitting easy mix and match sets are their ultimate outfit hack for fall their sweatshirts and sweatpants are super cozy and they always have the cutest colors and patterns.

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53:44When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner plans, Send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets mom's 60th. And never miss a meme or milestone. All protected with end-to-end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp. Message privately with everyone. Learn more at whatsapp.com. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way.

54:21Today, we're going to talk about patterns. Yes, every human being almost runs like a software program in their mind, and they run these patterns of behavior, patterns of thoughts, patterns of words, patterns of performance. And most of these patterns run in our lives without us being conscious of them. And they steal from us our ability to be happier, to be more joyful, to produce at the highest levels, to engage with people the right way. And they create for us oftentimes in our life a disconnect between what our beliefs are and actually how we behave. We call that cognitive dissonance oftentimes where we believe one thing, but we often behave differently.

55:00And that's because sometimes our patterns can even override our thoughts. And oftentimes in life, if we can just become conscious that we do have these patterns, we begin to evaluate them and be aware of them. We can identify them when they rear their head and we can overcome them. We can create new patterns that serve us. And so the first thing I'm here to tell you today is that you do run a series of patterns in your life. You have a pattern of behavior. You have a pattern of producing results. There's certain stimulus that cause these patterns to happen for you. And unless you begin to evaluate them and be aware of them when they happen, these patterns begin to really take control of our lives.

55:38For some of you, even as I say this, you're nodding your head in awareness. You're sort of aware. I fall into these patterns of when something happens, I begin to think a certain way. It creates another thought and another behavior. and I find myself running this same story again. Or if I get into a disagreement with somebody, a pattern kicks in. Or if I have a failure, a pattern kicks in. If I have a success, a pattern kicks in. And so if we can become aware of these things, it's a breakthrough in our lives. I think today could be one of the more powerful programs I've ever brought to you. It's just becoming aware of what some of these patterns are.

56:13Now, before we get into those, I wanna talk a little bit about what you really want you know often in life just choosing the emotions we want we've talked in a lot of my programs about the caliber of our life has everything to do with the caliber of the emotions we experience on a regular level we are our emotions and so the first thing i'd ask you to do is to start to use the power of choice in your life yes you get to choose your life you get to choose how you feel not other people there's these illusions in life we really can't control anything other than our own thoughts our own behavior, our own patterns.

56:50We can't control what other people do, say, or think. And it's this illusion of control oftentimes that we can somehow manipulate other people or manipulate situations that cause us to fall into these patterns. But what we do have the power of in life is we have the power to choose. And I say this to you because I'm somebody just like you. I struggle with the different patterns I have. Some of them serve me, some of them don't. I sometimes engage in thoughts that don't create the right emotions for me that don't serve me. I know what it's like to be frustrated and angry and depressed and down and lost and fearful and worried.

57:27Worry is a big one for me. I love to fall into the pattern of worry when certain circumstances begin to happen. It creates a trigger and a pattern in me. Man, do I love to worry. And so I give you these tools and resources because these are things I too struggle with. I've been able to overcome them by just being aware and choosing. And so the first thing is the power of choice. Finish this sentence for me. I choose to be blissful rather than blank. I choose to be blissful rather than blank. what would your answer be? One of the emotions I challenge you to experience more of in life is bliss. You know, we are the calibration of maybe the five emotions we experience on a regular basis.

58:10And so if you're experiencing depression, frustration, worry, fear, anxiety, pain on a regular basis, you're gonna have one life. If you're experiencing bliss and fulfillment and ecstasy and joy in your life and contribution, recognition and significance, if you're experiencing love, you experience those emotions, you have a totally different life. We have the power to choose which emotions we want to experience. And so I love the emotion of bliss. I love the word bliss. As you know, I have an audio that's out called blissful dissatisfaction. That's a critically acclaimed and highly downloaded audio and video on being both blissfully dissatisfied, dissatisfied, desiring for more, but in a current state of bliss.

58:52I love the word bliss because of its definition. Its definition in Webster's is perfect happiness or joy. I love that. Webster's also says some of the synonyms for bliss are joy, pleasure, ecstasy, delight, happiness, euphoria, heaven, paradise, cloud nine, utopia, Eden. These are all synonyms for the word bliss. I like how all of those sound. Those are the noun versions in the dictionary of bliss. The verb, the action of being blissful, according to the dictionary is to reach a state of perfect happiness typically as to be oblivious to everything else. Wouldn't that be amazing to be in perfect happiness and be oblivious to everything else?

59:34That's the verb or the action of being blissful. And the antonym according to Webster's to bliss is misery. And the last thing we want to be is feeling misery. So it's the antithesis of misery. So I choose to be blissful rather than what? What if you could choose every day to be blissful. But oftentimes we don't choose to be blissful because we choose to be right. We choose to win. We choose to be significant. We choose to be in control. We make choices to try to experience other emotions. And by the way, all of these other emotions are typically outside of our control. Winning is outside of our control.

1:00:11Dominating is outside of our control. All of these things are something we can't control and we choose them over bliss. But what if you just made a conscious decision right now. I choose bliss. I choose to be blissful rather than blank. And it's being aware of the other things you choose so that you can be conscious. When you go to choose those things, you go for bliss instead. And by the way, not making a choice is a choice. A non-decision is a decision. If you don't choose consciously to begin to experience the emotions you want, For me, bliss is very important. Joy is very important. Peace is very important.

1:00:50Contribution is very important. Connection is very important. What are the five emotions that if you could choose them, you'd experience on a regular basis? Just take an inventory of that. You don't have to be perfect. They may change. There may be eight. But what are five ones right now? Say them out loud to yourself. What are the five ones you'd want? Is it love? Is it ecstasy? Is it joy? Is it passion? Is it intensity? Is it focus? Is it peace? Is it faith? What are the emotions you would choose? If you could choose five emotions and begin to tell yourself, I choose to feel blank rather than this.

1:01:25And when you just begin to become conscious of that choice, you've already moved ahead of 99.9 % of the world who just responds and reacts and goes into pattern mode all the time. So just choosing gives you an advantage. And by the way, once again, not choosing is a choice. You've decided to go into your pattern. You've decided to let other people dictate to you your emotions. You've decided you have no control over your life by not choosing. So choose. I'd rather be blissful than blank. I'd rather be joyful than blank. I'd rather have ecstasy than blank. What do you choose rather than? So now let's discuss these patterns for a second.

1:02:07Why do we have these patterns? You have patterns because they serve you. There's a payoff to every pattern. And by the way, you say, well, no, because one of my patterns is I slip into worry and then I'm completely unhappy. How's that a payoff for me? It's a payoff for you because it's predictable. It's become your home. And so you don't have any pattern that doesn't give you a payoff. Well, no, because when things don't go my way, I become combative. I become argumentative. That's my pattern. Then I get in a disagreement in my relationship. And then I say things I don't mean. How's there a payoff there for me.

1:02:39There's a payoff because it gets you what you want. Even though you don't know it, it gets you out of the conversation. It gets you maybe to avoid your own responsibility. It gives you the disconnect that somehow you're more comfortable with than dealing with the problem. But I promise you every pattern you have, both healthy and unhealthy, you have them because there's a payoff for you. So the key to a happier life, the key to a more successful life is to evaluate our patterns And when we see them happening, begin to step outside of them and create new ones that serve us. And so what are some of the patterns you have, for example, that don't serve you?

1:03:15So for example, when a difficult situation arises, what is your pattern? What pattern mode do you go into? Do you become more resourceful, more focused, or do you become more fearful, worried, and you begin to make excuses? When you get into a disagreement with a loved one, what is your pattern typically? Do you become more combative? Do you listen less and talk more? Does the pattern begin? You understand what I'm saying. Do you begin to run this program that you run in such a way that it puts you in a state you don't want to be in? When adversity strikes, when someone puts you down, when there's a hater, what pattern mode do you typically kick into?

1:03:51Do you start to repeat other negative thoughts? Do you replay videos in your mind of other people who have also said negative things to you in the past? or other thoughts you have about yourself that are loathsome, and you begin to stack these thoughts. Oftentimes, one person says something to us negative, and it creates this pattern we run, doesn't it? When we begin to think of another embarrassing moment, another person who sought something negative, we begin to create other negative thoughts about ourselves to stack it. And you say, how's there a payoff for me in that? Because it's what you're used to.

1:04:24It pays you off by reassuring you, you're right, you're a loser. You're right, you're not going to win. And there's a payoff because guess what? Now you don't have to do the real work because you were never won anyway because you're this terribly unprepared person. So that's your payoff. And so you have these patterns, don't you? Now, some people, their pattern kicks into winning. When someone puts them down, they start to buck up. They start to get resourceful. They start to feed themselves positive thoughts. They're aware that that's there and they begin to go into a hyperproductive, positive emotion mode.

1:04:56Yes, they do. Believe it or not. When adversity strikes for some people, they go into a fearful mode. They begin to think about all the things that could go worse and worse and worse, and they depress themselves. And that pattern creates the very situations you fear. The same is true when we're successful. Sometimes some people, when they become successful, they go into a pattern when they begin to sabotage themselves and slow down and stop the behaviors that got them there. They begin to believe their own press clippings, that they've arrived. They don't have to do the work they used to do. Maybe they begin to fall into patterns where they get their relationships out of sorts.

1:05:32And that's their pattern. Life starts to go well in business. My pattern is every time life goes well in business, I start having issues in my personal life. And they sabotage the business success with their personal life. And that's a pattern they run. If it's happened more than once to you, it's not coincidental. It's a pattern. In my fitness life, you may say every time I start to get super fit, it seems then I get ill. Then I don't go to the gym for a week. Then I start eating poorly and I'm back to where I was. If it's happened more than once, it's a pattern, right? And so begin to evaluate these patterns you have that don't serve you and simply begin to choose to create new patterns, more empowering patterns, patterns that give you the emotions and the results you want to have in your life.

1:06:15You will be amazed at how many patterns you have, your response to adversity, fear, success, mediocrity, criticism, strife in a relationship, your nutrition, your faith, all of the different patterns you run. There is such power in beginning to separate and identify these patterns when they begin to repeat. Even as I'm saying it, I can feel you nodding your head. My gosh, I do have a pattern when I'm successful. Every time I climb up a little bit, I start this pattern where I sabotage or I start to believe too much or my relationships go sideways. Every time I start to get more fit, I somehow get ill or I somehow miss a day at the gym or that's the day my car breaks down.

1:06:57Every time I have a pattern where I accumulate more money, I fall into this pattern where I save, save, save, and then I spend it all on something I shouldn't. Or then I do something with money I shouldn't have. Or it seems like every time, then a repair comes up or something with my kids. You're falling into these patterns. There's massive power in beginning to understand that's not who you are. I've done enough training with you. If you haven't listened to my previous work, please go back and listen to it. You are not your possessions. You are not your accomplishments. You are not what other people say you are.

1:07:26You are not what you look like. And guess what else you're not? You are not your patterns, but your life becomes a combination and a result of your patterns. The great thing about us is that we can change these patterns if we identify them. The pattern has no power over you once you know it's a program and a pattern running. The minute you start, you go, I'm doing it again, aren't I? I'm doing this thing I do every time I accumulate money. I'm doing the same thing every time me and my spouse get in a disagreement. I'm doing the same thing every time I'm starting to feel loved by somebody and I push them away.

1:08:00Every time things start to go bad financially, I spiral. Every time there's adversity, I do the same pattern where I start worrying. Every time I get fit, I do the same pattern. When you begin to see these things, you begin to go, my gosh, this isn't who I am. That's not your identity. There's a difference between your identity and your pattern. And the more you begin to build your identity, as I've talked about in my other audios, and be aware of patterns, and then simply ask yourself, when this comes up again in the future, what pattern would serve me? What pattern can I take control of? What would be the steps I need to take that will create the bliss I want or the win I want or the production I want?

1:08:41What would the pattern need to be? The pattern immediately, by the way, stops when you identify it. The pattern only hurts you when it runs unconsciously. The pattern loses all its power over you. Once you see it, it's gone. It can't continue to run once you're aware of it because all of a sudden you're like, I know what I'm doing. Here I go. And you can begin to identify it and make a shift. So this is so critical. Start to ask yourself, am I running one of these patterns? What are some of the ones I typically do that serve me? And what are the ones that don't serve me? And what we do in our life is we compare too much.

1:09:17And so remember this, you're working on your identity. Okay. Everybody wears what I would call like a mask, a public mask or even a social mask. It's the person they present themselves to be. You do it too. I do it as well. It's the person everybody thinks we are. And so it's the person we reveal to the public. It's not whom we really are. It's not our real thoughts, our real behaviors, our real hope. Everybody wears this public mask or this social mask, I call it, where it's who they want everybody to think they are. It's the best put version of themselves. And if you're not careful, you begin to compare your own real identity with other people's public mask.

1:09:55And this begins to create a pattern for you. Don't compare yourself. Most of the people you see on social media or even in your personal life, or even when you go to lunch with them or see them at work, they're wearing what I would call a public mask. It's the best possible version that they can put out to themselves. And oftentimes what we do in life is we compare our real identity that we're working on and we're growing to their mask. And that's not fair to ourselves at all. Any comparison doesn't serve us. And it's oftentimes this comparison when you're in a disagreement with somebody, it's the mask they're wearing compared to the identity you have.

1:10:28And then you begin to run a pattern to respond to it. It happens in, in fitness, in relationships, in money and in business. Remember, you're in charge of controlling your own identity and growing your own identity and being aware of the patterns you have that do and do not serve you. Not comparing yourself to someone else's public representative. It's just the representative they're putting out there. It's not who they really are. And it's not something that you need to be aware of because it's not something you can control. The more you can begin to delineate in life between things I can control and I cannot control would be to the extent that you're more productive and you're happier.

1:11:03You can control your own thoughts, your own emotions, your own identity, and your own patterns, not other people's. So speaking of these payoffs we talked about earlier, how can you begin to get the payoff you want from the new empowering pattern? And so a couple of questions I want you to ask yourself today because we do want more bliss. Since that's my word, I'm assuming you want more bliss after you've heard all the synonyms. And I know you want the antithesis to misery. So assuming you want more bliss in your life, decide to have it and take some actions towards getting it. So let me ask you a question.

1:11:34What are you doing currently to create more bliss in your life? What are the actions you're taking to give yourself more bliss? You are intentionally seeking more bliss. because bliss is going to lead to more wealth, more abundance, more fitness, more faith, better relationships, more happiness, more peace, more wins, more success, more recognition, more significance. So what are you consciously doing now that you've chosen bliss? What is the consistent action you're taking to create more in your life? What are you doing to give yourself bliss? Is it acknowledging victories you have? Is it giving gifts to other people of your belief and your hope?

1:12:14Is it lifting other people up? Is it taking a bath, getting a massage, taking a walk, going for a workout, winning, achieving, knocking goals off your list? What are the things you're doing to create bliss in your own life, number one? Number two question I have for you. What are you doing to intentionally create bliss in the lives of the people that you care about? Because this is the pathway to getting more of it ourselves. The more we begin to give other people bliss, the more we begin to consciously make choices that give bliss to other people in their lives, the more we begin to experience in an abundance ourselves.

1:12:48So what are you doing to help other people win? Other people contribute. Other people get significance and recognition. Other people have more peace and ecstasy and joy and passion in their lives. Because once you begin to create it for other people, when you're intentional about it, you'll have more of it yourself. These are the patterns that I'd like to see kick in for you. That when they kick in, you begin to run a pattern and a program that leads you to bliss, leads you to a win, leads you to increase, and also leads to it with someone in your life. That if you do have a conflict with somebody, that you run a pattern that eventually leads.

1:13:22Maybe it's understanding them. Maybe it's confronting them. Maybe it's talking about it. It's not always when you're in a disagreement that you lead to a win, that you must win this, that you must overcome the fact that they think this of you. What if you were consciously choosing every time you got into a disagreement with your spouse, this will eventually lead to more bliss. At least that was your outcome. Now the steps you take, it's probably going to be ugly in the beginning. You're probably going to have to some understanding. You may not even agree on everything, but if your intention is that it leads to bliss rather than you winning, rather than you controlling them, rather than you making it go away, rather than you running a pattern.

1:13:57If when you're beginning to succeed in business, if your outcome is more bliss, more winning, you'll run a pattern that does more of that. If in your fitness, you're getting fit past where you've ever been before, and you're making a conscious decision, how can I get more bliss out of my fitness rather than running this other pattern of sabotage? Let's see the circumstances may be the same. There may be some ugly patches, but you're now consciously choosing to run a program and a pattern that leads you to bliss, to victory, to the wind, to fulfillment, whatever the emotion is you choose. Just making that choice gets you there, gets you closer to it, makes it an outcome.

1:14:35We are not as human beings doing enough conscious choosing of what we want in our lives. So what are you doing to create bliss in your own life? What are you doing to create bliss in other people's lives? And how blissful are you to be around? Just ask yourself that too. How blissful am I to be around? How joyful am I to be around? How much are people winning when they're around me? Whatever the emotion is you choose, how much of that do people experience when they're around me. People are great now because there's all this stuff in personal development about choosing to win, choosing your outcome, choosing your schedule, choosing your habits.

1:15:09I'm the master of teaching this. Go back through my content. Nobody puts out more specific content in teaching people the tools of how to choose the right habits, the right rituals, the right thinking, programming your brain. I do that at a level far beyond anybody out there. I'm not one of these influencers who just repeats, you know, mindless memes all the time or I don't repeat the same sayings over and over again. I don't just tell you very basic things you could read in any book or go to any seminar. I go very deep, very tactical, very strategic. But having said all of that, no one's talking about choosing the intentional emotion we want, which is why we do all this stuff in the first place.

1:15:48So that when the stimulus happens, the win or the loss, the adversity or the success, the disagreement or the tragedy, consciously choosing in that moment to chase bliss anyway, that it may be a while till I get to it, but this pattern I'm going to run, the choices I will make, the decisions I choose, even though there may be some bumps between there, the end result is going to be more bliss. Choosing that emotion as your outcome. And remember, not choosing it is a choice. You've chosen to let an unconscious pattern run. And you know where that's gotten you. It's gotten to where you are right now listening to this.

1:16:27Whatever it is, good, bad, or indifferent in your life, your current level of happiness, of joy, of success, of fulfillment is exactly what you think you deserve. It's exactly what you think you're worth. It's a hard thing to accept, but in our lives, we are getting out of our life right now exactly what we believe we're worthy of, exactly what we think we deserve. Our life is a direct reflection of our identity, which is the thoughts, concepts, beliefs, values, and worth we hold true to be about ourselves. And so as hard as it is to accept, we're getting out of life right now what we believe we're worth.

1:17:03And we believe we're worth it because of these patterns and our identity and our lack of choosing to have what we want, not just the material things, not just the body fat, not just the body weight, not just the amount of money, not just having the relationship, but choosing the emotion we want. The level above all this stuff I discuss and the level way down here where the people discover the basic stuff, then there's what I've been covering. The highest level is to choose the emotions we want to experience and to begin to run patterns that serve us and eliminate the ones who move us further from them.

1:17:37The final thing I want you to ask yourself today is we're talking a lot about these choices. I want you to evaluate for a second what these patterns are you're running and when they begin to rear their head just identify them and begin to make decisions and choices that create a new pattern. It's as simple as it is. It's not that complicated. You've fallen into these patterns because there's a payoff and so as long as you begin to identify it when it's happening and you begin to create a new pattern that leads you to the choice you've chosen which is the emotion you want. See because these patterns you run that don't get you there the minute you choose the emotion you want.

1:18:10You're conscious about it and intentional. You can't run this pattern once you identify it. And the power of choice is critical in our lives. I want you to think about something right now. What are five of the most important choices you've made in your life? Just think about that for a second. Begin to list them off in your head. Five of the most important choices you've made in your life. Maybe it was a decision to get involved in a particular business or to leave a particular business. Maybe it was a decision to get involved with a particular person or to become uninvolved with a particular person.

1:18:45Maybe it was a friend that you chose to walk across the room and meet and it changed your life. Maybe it was a friend that you had to walk away from in order to improve your life. What are the five most important choices of your life? Just think about them for a second. And if you altered those five choices, good, bad, or indifferent, different. How different would your life be today? Because I'm a believer that there's everyday choices we make that when you stack them up, they make a massive difference in our life. But I'm also a believer that there are between five and 10, a handful of moments in everybody's life, that if we make the proper choices in those moments, the complete trajectory of our life changes.

1:19:27And I think as you just asked yourself that question, you may say there haven't been five, there's been two. What were they? And how'd they alter the direction of your life? good, bad, or indifferent. A lady that picked me up a few weeks ago, an Uber driver, wonderful woman, but she was an older lady, and it was late at night when she picked me up, and I asked her why she was doing what she was doing. It wasn't that she was driving for Uber, because that's a choice, and I have friends that do it, that love it, it's extra money, they've done it in retirement, but I just had a sense that maybe she hadn't chosen it, because she was complaining about her back and that she had had back surgery.

1:20:02I thought, that's an interesting choice to be driving at 11 o 'clock at night and her back was sore. And she shared with me that she had chosen to leave a spouse earlier in her life that she wished she'd have stayed with. And that it was a choice that altered the whole direction of her life. And I said, well, how did it alter the direction of your life? And she says, well, my ex, I moved away from my ex and my son wasn't around his father very much. And she said, I had no idea how that choice would impact him. But she said, the reason that I'm driving here and I moved is I lost my home. And I lost my home because my 18-year-old son one night chose to have a couple drinks.

1:20:43And he had had three drinks at our house. And I was at work. And my son chose to take the car out of the driveway. And he chose to drive. And two blocks from our house, he hit a family and killed somebody while drinking and driving. My son was a good boy. He had always got good grades. And he made the choice to do that that night. And he's in prison. He's serving eight years in prison. And I lost my home over the legal expenses. And we've moved to Las Vegas. And now I drive an Uber because that's what I've got to do just to support my family. And it made me think. And she said, the choice to leave my husband really affected my son.

1:21:21And I thought, yeah, the choice your son made really affected his life. Those were two life choices that both of them made that altered the direction of both of their lives. His choice, that good boy, made one choice that altered the direction of his life. And I think if you evaluate, there may not be something that dramatic, but there's been probably five choices if you're my age, if you're in your 40s. There's probably been five major choices of your life. Maybe it's who you decided to marry or not marry, a relationship you got in or out of, a business you started or didn't start, something you left or began, a friend, a house you bought or didn't buy, an investment you did or didn't make, you know, a decision you made in your fitness one way or the other.

1:22:00Maybe it's stopping using alcohol or using too much alcohol the first time you tried a drug that you're now addicted to. I don't know what those choices are, but those handful of choices alter the direction of your life. And I want you to begin to become conscious of choosing the emotions you want because they will alter the choices you make every single day in the small choices they will also alter the decisions you make on the five big ones in your life if you're very clear about the emotions you want to experience if you're very clear on the person you are as you build your identity if you have those two things wired i'm clear about the emotions i want to experience and i'm clear about who i am and my identity and my worth and what i'm worthy of and what i deserve they will guide you in making the right choices in the small ones and the big ones they will guide you towards the right patterns the answer to changing these patterns the answer to making the right choices is perfect and specific clarity on the emotions we want to have in our life on a regular basis and on who we are in our identity so that we produce the lives we believe we deserve that we're worthy of they will be your compass in making the small and big choices.

1:23:13They will help guide the patterns. If you're somebody who's addicted to being blissful and happy, and you begin to run a pattern and program that you know doesn't lead you there, it sort of blows it up. It's like a virus in the program. You'll be aware and you can't run it. You begin to choose to create new patterns. If you've got an identity of somebody who's worthy of great relationships and abundance and success and peace and fitness and health and all of the great things, if that's your identity, you won't be able to run patterns that lead you in this place on a regular basis. There is something called cognitive dissonance, which is when we begin to behave in a way that's not consistent with our thoughts.

1:23:53And the antidote to that is both of these things combined. It's the ability to begin to choose consciously the emotions we want combined with our identity. When you're conscious of choosing the emotions you want to experience and you're completely conscious of choosing who you are and what you're worthy of deserving, you have to act in congruence with both of those combined. One missing from the other can cause us to make poor choices. Both of them missing is a choice not to choose and will lead us into pain and mediocrity, worry, fear, and all the emotions we don't want. Having one of them in place will guide you to a decent destination.

1:24:30But when you have both combined, the identity and the choosing, the conscious intentions for the emotions you want, you begin to have great choices being made in your life on a very regular basis. Not every day, not every time, not every moment, but enough of the time where you make progress towards your dreams, progress towards the man or woman you're capable of becoming. And when you have the combination of these two things, these patterns begin to change. We begin to replace them. So I'd ask yourself today, what are the patterns you're running that don't serve you? Begin to be aware of those patterns.

1:25:03Know who your real identity is. Get conscious of choosing bliss over blank. See those patterns when they're happening. Interrupt them. Continue to work on your identity. These two things combined, I think, are the critical components to making the decisions and the choices in our life. That when we look back, I don't want you to end up in your 80s or 90s and regret the choices you made. I want you to go back. I put it through what I call the rocking chair test. That someday for all of you who I love so much, who I believe in so much, I want that rocking chair test for you, for you to pass it. And that is, I'm proud of the choices I made.

1:25:39My life wasn't perfect. I made some mistakes. But I chose the emotions I wanted. I worked on my identity. I created patterns that empowered me and the people around me. And you know what? By and large, I'm proud of the choices I made in my life. I'm proud of the man or woman I've become. That's how we know we've had a great life. I don't want you to be in that rocking chair someday and regret the choices you made Regret the patterns you ran and that you just unconsciously went through your life without choosing The direction of it choosing the decisions choosing the emotions Choosing to be the man or woman you're worthy of choosing the life you deserve The final piece of the puzzle today is what are the three to five choices?

1:26:20You must make in order to create the life you want right now what are the choices you must make the big ones the people that need to be in your life or out of your life the patterns you will no longer run again the choice perhaps to work on your identity like you never have before evaluate what the three to five decisions are you've made so far in your life that have taken you a certain direction or what are the three to five you need to make in order to change your life and take it in the direction you want these patterns will lose their power over you your identity and your conscious choice will begin to take charge and I know you're gonna have more happiness and produce more results and have a much better life.

1:26:56And that's what I wish for you. So I have a funny feeling that today impacted you on a deep level because we all have these patterns we need to look at. We all need to consciously choose the emotions we want. And I have a feeling that it made a difference in your life. If I'm right about it, please share the program. It's free. Brendan Brouchard, welcome back to the show. Ed Milet, it's an honor, man. It really is an honor. Now, let me ask you this. Here's a tough one. People listening to this say to themselves, I want to change too. But I would prefer not to get rattled around in a car and have to get near death to do it.

1:27:28And you said a minute ago, I want to pick that apart a little because some people do need a dramatic moment. But if someone's listening, how does this is such a broad based question, but it's we got two pretty good guys at it sitting here. We might as well work on it together. Right. How does one begin to change? Yeah. What is the catalyst for that? How does one, in your opinion, begin to change? which, well, you know, in the old books of personal development, I always answered that by it's either inspiration or desperation, which we know. I'm a little more, I guess, framework driven than that.

1:27:58I think that at some point, all change, it's inspired by ambition, which is funny because people today think ambition is a bad thing. But ambition, whether you call it desire or drive, or you feel like you must, or in psychology, we call it psychological necessity. like I feel like it's necessary like it's necessary now there's there's no choice there's no going back there was a threshold there's something not everyone needs a car accident because you know how many people I've told that story to you know millions of people in person live on stadiums and arenas or you know 500 million people on video views now you know it's it's um I've shared a lot of people say I was in a car accident too you know my car accident was even more dramatic than yours you know because they lost a limb or they were disabled or but I I didn't change.

1:28:44Yes. I didn't change, Brendan. Why? And ultimately comes back to psychological necessity. And we can think about it a couple of different layers. One layer is that you are the way that you are because of what we all call the comfort zone, right? There's comfort in who we are, how we be, how we behave, I should say, our natural strengths, talents, ability, just who you are already. That's just your comfort zone. That's how you are. But what happens for other people, there's a layer above that and they shift because now there's a demand zone. Circumstances demand you change. Your dreams demand that you change.

1:29:22Something external demands that you change, or you place the demand on your own shoulders because you want a different kind of life. Most people are scared to demand anything from themselves. And most people, when a demand hits them, it feels like an obligation and they fight it. They resist it. I don't want that. You're at work. Don't give me more stuff to do. How dare my manager asked me more you know they fight as soon as demand approaches them it's a threat other people teach themselves because they're into growth a demand approaches them that's that's challenge that's character development let me see if i can rise to that so they the approach to demand and how we view that as a threat or as a challenge is a fundamental mindset or choice of attitude and then above that there's another layer which is why don't people change and which you oh my gosh you're every episode you do i feel like there's master class on that and that's the what we call the esteem zone okay esteem zone a lot of people have you know comforts and abilities they could be remarkable they have natural talents other people have lots of demands on top of them they still don't change why esteem yeah how they view themselves value themselves express themselves relate themselves to the world they even though they have so much opportunity or so many natural talents because how many gifted people do we know who never potentialize that gift so many because their esteem their value of themselves their view of themselves their belief in their ability to figure things out is so low that it doesn't matter you could give them the greatest challenges resources tools support but no one ever cared for them and they never taught themselves to care for themselves.

1:31:04There you go. So how can they change? Care for themselves. Can I add to that? Yeah. I think about your story and I think of two things. I think of number one, the meaning you took from it. It's not the events of our lives that define us. It's the meaning we take from the events. So you could have taken from that event. My gosh, thanks God. You have my girlfriend cheat on me that I went away to college with. Now I try to get a break and my car crashes and you almost kill me. I'm doomed. I'm doomed. I never thought about it. Of course it didn't. And that's why your life is what it is, Brendan. Many people would have taken that event and said, here we go again.

1:31:38I'm doomed. Bad things happened to me over and over again. Tragedy. My relationship crashes. Now my car crashes. Now my spirits crashed. You didn't do that. What happened was, is you took a meaning from it that it was a golden ticket. You even have a term for it, which is a beautiful term, which by the way, has resonated with me. And the way you got that golden ticket, the way you took that meaning was the questions you asked yourself. So the quality of our life is oftentimes the quality of the questions you asked yourself standing there. Did I love did I live? Do I matter? Did I matter? Those are powerful questions that shaped what it meant for you and shaped what your life meant for you.

1:32:17And so I think both things are true. What you said is 100 % true. And for people listening to this, if you want to change your life, you have to change what things mean in your life. Most importantly is the esteem thing. Change who and what you mean. Start to ask different questions about yourself and you'll get different answers. People say, I got to change the way I think. Okay, what is thinking? Thinking is the process of asking and answering questions to yourself. That's what a thought is. And so if you can change the question, you can change the answer. You change the meaning. You have a chance to change your life.

1:32:52And I feel like the powerful part of that story is, did I live? Did I love? Did I matter? Since you said that to me a long time ago, I ask myself that often and it guides me. And so I think if you're sitting here going, what are the questions? What am I great at? What are my dreams? Right. These are what are my talents? What are my proclivities? What do I enjoy doing? What emotions do I want to have? What do I deserve to have in my life? And I think if you begin to change those questions and ask them enough times, because the story you tell yourself currently, you've just told it a lot of times.

1:33:26You've asked the questions a lot of times. So it's become your narrative. You've built neural pathways literally in your mind that you've deluded yourself into believing this is who you are. But the truth is, there's been many versions of you. I'm looking at you. There was this version of you that was the in love, young college guy who wanted to be a landscaper. Then he goes to college. Then he's the depressed you. Then he's the car accident you. Then he's the live, love, matter you. Then you became this unbelievable speaker you. Then you became the personal development, you and the coach, you and the coach to the coaches, you.

1:33:55And now I look at you and now you're like this software business mogul pioneer guy. And I think one of the things in this world today is people need more tools. They need more resources. I think winning and I've argued with this, even Tony Robbins and I have argued about this, but I think winning is as much environmental as it is mental. And Tony would say, no, you can overcome your environment. Absolutely 100 % true. But if you can create a great environment around you, then you're more likely to succeed. Sure, people have overcome their environments. I did as a child. You've overcome different environments.

1:34:33But the fastest way to win is to be in an environment of winning. Take an average player, add them to a perennial team like the Lakers or the Yankees. They just play different with that uniform on a good clubhouse versus a bad clubhouse. This is the End Mylon Show.