Overcome Your Hidden Addiction To Achievement

0:04This is the Ed Milet Show. Okay, welcome back to the show, everybody. It's so good to have you here with me today. And what we're going to talk about today is something that I bet you've never had discussed with you before in your life. And, you know, there's all kinds of different addictions in life. You know, we can become addicted to alcohol or we can become addicted to a person. We can become addicted to drugs. We can become addicted to gambling. And all of those are really well-known addictions. there's one addiction that I see become so prevalent in our culture today that I do not see being discussed in the business world or in the personal development, the self-help world, because it's sort of a scary topic to touch on.

0:41And so what I want to talk about today is achievement addiction. And I know that may sound like an interesting thing coming from somebody whose show is all about, you know, achieving your dreams and making great things happen in your life and changing your life, but there can become an addiction to achievement that becomes very unhealthy. And one of my concerns about so many of you that are involved in the podcast or personal development world is that you begin to miss the forest for the trees and that you begin to become addicted to achievement in a way that is unhealthy. You know, all kinds of studies right now, if you write this down, just remember this phrase right now, process over product.

1:21That if you're always focused on the product you're producing and the achievement that you must have, you lose focus over the process. And what happens oftentimes in life is we become so focused on the fruit of our life. We become so obsessed with the fruit that we want to produce in our life that this takes all of our energy and focus away from building the tree that could actually produce fruit for a lifetime. We become so addicted in the finish line, in the achievement, this addiction to achievement, that it becomes incredibly unhealthy to our long-term mental health and also our long-term wealth accumulation or long-term building because we don't learn the process of delayed gratification and we don't fall in love with the process of doing something great in our life as opposed to always being addicted to the product.

2:07And this achievement addiction become incredibly unhealthy. It can become unhealthy because you delay all of your bliss in your life until you get to particular destinations. Once I get this achievement, then I'll be happy. Once I get this relationship, then I'll be happy. Once I get this amount of money, then I'll be happy. And this addiction to the finish line keeps all of the bliss in our joy in our life into the future. There is a way to be blissful now and still being productive. The other thing that happens when you're addicted to achievement is that you become, it can very carefully insidiously become a perfectionism addiction where you think everything you have to do has to become perfect.

2:42That can cause paralysis, that can cause you, I'm talking about analysis paralysis, that can cause you to not want to take risks or take steps or step into the unknown because it's all about the achievement. It's all about the finish line. This can lead to a life that's really not very harmonious. All kinds of data tells us right now, and I've said this previously, that actually the brain produces more of dopamine, which is our joy chemical, our pleasure center, the pleasantness in our life. We produce more dopamine during the process of achieving something than when we actually get to the actual finish line of the achievement.

3:18Brain studies now show us that when you get to the end and you get to the dopamine, it actually falls off the charts downwards once you get the achievement. And then you're left wondering, is this all there ever is? You know, is this as good as it's ever going to be? And if you do that enough times, you repeat this achievement addiction pattern. Once you actually get to the achievement, if you do, and it's a very unhealthy way to get there, when you get there, it's not all it's cracked up to be. And eventually you and your brain go, this just isn't worth it anymore. And you stop the journey. You stop being willing to do the work that you once did.

3:50You may need to ask yourself right now, are you really working like you were working when you were starving and hungry, if you're no longer starving and hungry? Because there was something beautiful to those days where you didn't have any achievement, wasn't there? In fact, in some strange ways, the hardest parts of my story of when my water was turned off and, you know, and we didn't have electricity in my house and cars were repoed and I had a home going to foreclosure. In some odd way, there was a happiness there that I don't even have now in my life because I was so enthralled in the process of my life.

4:24You know, some of the most happy people in the world are the most happy when they're just so involved in process. Why? Because process focus keeps you present. There's all this stuff in personal development. Be present. Cause yourself to be in the present. Don't be in the past. Don't be in the future. The truth is all there is is the present. And when you're focused on something that's the work you love in your life, the actual work, the actual dedication to the process, you're fully present. The minute you take your focus to the achievement, you're no longer present and you're focused in the future.

4:56This can lead to anxiety, worry, frustration, an addiction that's unhealthy. It can lead to sacrificing lots of other things in your life that matter on the way there. I'm not for a minute saying, don't bust your tail and do something great. Don't misconstrue what I'm saying. Because I don't believe you can actually enjoy inaction and rest unless you know what it feels like to be completely active and busting it. For me, I only enjoy inactivity after massive spats in my life of full activity. Then and only then can you appreciate rest and enjoyment and unplugging. A life of being unplugged, a life of no process, a life of no achievements, a life of no expansion of your being is a wasted life.

5:40I'm talking about nuance here. What I'm saying is that you get so addicted to the achievements that you constantly delay your bliss and your happiness at the expense of other human beings in your life. And secondly, when you get there, you're waiting for all the dopamine then rather than falling in love with what you do to get there. This is not a message about falling in love with the journey. Sure, that's part of it. I'm talking about falling in love with the process. And what's happened to a lot of people is they've become conditioned in their life. There's this conditioning that it's all about the achievement.

6:11Why is that? Because that's what we see. We see on ESPN, what do we see? We don't see the entire game of baseball or football or basketball, whatever the sport is. We don't see them practicing. We don't see them lifting weights and stretching. We don't even see most of the stuff that happens. We only see the highlight. We only see the home run. We only see the great catch. We only see the touchdown, right? We only see the goal. We only see the dunk. We only see the three-pointer to win the game. And so we become highlight reel and achievement addicted thinking that's all that matters. Not only does your brain not work that way, your life won't work that way.

6:43And I worry sometimes in this space, this business, personal development, self-help space, that everything's pointed to the achievement. And this becomes an unhealthy addiction as opposed to addiction to the things that can be healthy in our lives. There's also this addiction to accumulation, that some, if I can accumulate enough things, if I can accumulate enough awards, if I can accumulate enough money, if I can accumulate enough cars, if I can accumulate enough conquests, if it's a woman, accumulate enough men, or a man, accumulate enough women, if I can accumulate a jet, I can accumulate things, that some, if I can just accumulate a bunch of stuff, that somehow that's an achievement and I'm going to enjoy my life and feel better.

7:25and just remember this in your life, you cannot take it with you. You cannot take these things you accumulate with you, but you can leave it here. And what I mean by that is somebody who's accumulated a lot of wealth in their life, I can tell you, I want you to accumulate wealth. I want you to accumulate success. I want you to accumulate awards. I want that. But that should not be your obsession. Your obsession should be the work you do in the process, the people's lives you change in the process. us. That you can leave here. See, the award, the money, the jet, the house, you can't take that with you.

8:02But the lives you change, the difference you make, the consciousness you shift, the difference you make in your own family by being the one, the difference you make in other people's families by the work you do in your business, your life, your good works, that you leave here. Life's about being in the full present moment, every moment you possibly can be. And then when you're no longer here physically. You leave these things here and they reverberate into history. The ripple effect of the works you do, that's something that's blissful when you're addicted to it. But the actual achievement, not so much.

8:37And so I want you to really evaluate this idea of accumulating things in order to be happy as opposed to being focused on what you need to do to change other people's lives. The other thing I want to share with you too is that one way to get out of this is to begin to compete. I like to almost like gamify my life where I'll compete for different things. I'll compete in the gym every day. So it's not about how big's the bicep or how ripped are your abs or whatever your body fat might be or your weight or all that. That's an achievement. But to fall in love with the process of actually working out and actually competing to get stronger and faster, competition is a great diversion from the unhealthiness of achievement addiction.

9:18So I really want today for you just to sit back for a second and ask yourself, what does make me happy, right? What does make me happy? And am I spending, am I thinking I'll spend 99 % of my time kind of grinding, but when I get to that achievement, man, that's when all my happiness will happen. Or is there a better way to live? Can you actually fall in love and enjoy the day-to-day process, the ups and downs of your life? You know, I'm convinced in my life, I made a decision. I don't want a merry-go-round life. I want a roller coaster life. Most people will choose a life of the merry-go-round.

9:54It just keeps going in the same circle. You get on that merry-go-round, you go about one time, you start seeing the same things, don't you? And it comes back around again and you see it again and you see it again and you see it again. It's nice and calm and slow with that goofy music and it just repeats itself in a circle very slowly. Little ups and downs as you just go in the circle and see the same things. That's a merry-go-round life. And if you're listening to me right now, you have decidedly chosen you do not want to live life on a merry-go-round. You've decided you want the roller coaster, the ups and the downs and the butterflies, and your stomach goes all the way up, right?

10:33You know, it's woo, and the scream, and yay, and you're scared. That's the journey of life that produces the most bliss is actually the roller coaster life. But I think too many people think, I just want to get off the roller coaster, right? And get to the end of it and achieved that I finished the ride. And I'm telling you, when you finish the ride, that's when all the butterflies go away. That's when all the joy goes away. That's when all the bliss goes away. The joy and the bliss is in the ride. Even the ups that are going, and you know what's coming, you do all the way down, up and down. I don't want a life that avoids ups and downs.

11:13I want the roller coaster, but I want to decide I'm going to enjoy the process of that ride. So you can make two choices. You can choose to get on the merry-go-round and if you're listening to me, you don't want to be on the merry-go-round. If you're listening to me, you either chose consciously to live a life off of the merry-go-round like 99 % of the people do, same life, same pattern, same conversation, same vacations, same nothing, no growth, no experience, no memories, no joy, no life. That's 99 % of people. So if you're listening to me, either you've decided I want to get off the merry-go-round or you've gotten off of it.

11:46But the other mistaken choice you can make is this up and down thing. I just need to get to the end, to the finish line, to whoo, rides over. And then you get off and you go, yeah, wasn't that awesome? Right? Wasn't that awesome? That's a mistaken choice. That's the achievement addiction. the right addiction I believe is the nuanced one in the middle which is to accept you've chosen a roller coaster life and the people around you have chosen to be with you in your roller coaster life and it's to make sure those people around you get what they need as you ride your dream and you ride your roller coaster and that you get what you need which is the bliss and the happiness and the fulfillment and the contribution that comes with the day-to-day riding of that roller coaster in the process and not waiting for all of the joy for the end of the ride.

12:35And so please guard against achievement addiction in your life. And I'm really hopeful that today helped you really hear something you've never heard before and cause you to begin to think. Every week I'm producing content. I want you to begin to hear it when I'm doing these interviews through this idea that you're not here to just accumulate and accumulate and accumulate because you can't take it with you. but you can leave the people that you help the difference you make the vibrational frequency you change the consciousness you shift in your own family in your own being and the lives of other people you can leave that here and I sure would appreciate it and I know your family would and I know you will if that becomes your obsession and your addiction all right everybody I hope you share this I know you're gonna today I have a feeling that millions of people really really need to hear this message today especially those of you that have chosen to be on the roller coaster By the way, if you want more help, you can go to, my friend Brendan Brouchard has an app called Growth Day.

13:29If you go to growthday.com forward slash ed, you can check that out. Please get my book, The Power of One More, and just do me the favor of sharing this episode. Follow me on Instagram at edmylet. I love you all very much. God bless you. Max out. This is The Ed Mylet Show.