Overcoming an Overdose: Fighting for a New Life After Hitting Rock-Bottom

0:28So, hey, guys, are you frustrated with where you're at right now?

0:33this is the Ed Myron Show welcome back to the show everybody so this is an interview a couple years in the making we've been going back and forth trying to get this scheduled for a while because I'm a huge fan of this man he's an NFL football player he's one of the best tight ends in the NFL and we will talk a little football today but really today has very little to do with football and everything to do about changing your life. And this man's done that. He's immensely qualified. I think he may be the most interesting athlete currently in the world because of his background, his trials and tribulations, what he's had to overcome.

1:11And then the way that he expresses his message and his content I think is going to leave many of you today with a memory you will not soon forget. And so New York Giants tight end Darren Waller, finally, welcome to the show. It's great to have you. Man, it's a perfect time, man. Yeah, we've been working on this, but I'm so grateful to be here. Likewise. So let's set the foundation. Let's do the hard things first because this man's work is so profound and so brilliant. But I think if you knew his story, it would give you hope that you can change your life, particularly if you're in a down time right now.

1:44So I'll set the stage a little bit. This guy's a six-round pick. He turns himself into a really great football player. But he's got some stuff in his life going on that most people don't know about that's doing tremendous harm to him. So he ends up, I'll probably mess this up a little bit, Darren, but I'll be close enough. He ends up with a one-year suspension for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy. So he's got something going on with substance abuses. But then when he's on suspension, he overdoses. And it threatened his life. Obviously, you know, career threatening was one thing. But it was a life-threatening moment.

2:16So, Darren, as clear as you can, just to set the stage, because I think when they could see these moments in your life, And then once they hear your message later, I think the conversion is going to blow their mind. So can you walk us through that time, like vividly and specifically, exactly what happened? Yeah, so that was August 11th, 2017 was the day that that happened. And setting the stage in June, a couple months prior to that, I got suspended from the league for at least a year. and I moved back to Georgia and I was like, okay, like this last day, I'm going to go up here and move out of my apartment in Baltimore because I'm not going to be there.

2:59Who knows if they're going to want me when I, when I hopefully get reinstated. But so I was going up there to move out and I got there a day before, you know, my dad came up and I went and I was like, all right, well, I'm going to pick up from these dudes who I pick up from for the last time. They know what I want. I know what I want. I thought I was getting what I always got that would have me on my level. Not to interrupt, but pick up me and whatever drug it was you were taking at the time. Yeah, Percocets. Just buying Percocets off the street. People had been telling me and one of my teammates to be careful because people are pressing pills and like it'll look like you're getting one thing, but it could be fentanyl.

3:48And, you know, you kind of have an invincible feeling of like, whatever, like, but that was my day and I got it. And, you know, I was snorting them because I want to, you know, you feel within a couple of minutes and, you know, that instant gratification. And I pulled up to a giant grocery store parking lot and was going to go in and like get some food and I think get some beer and uh and go back to my apartment and just you know do what i do until we move out the next day and um i was gonna get out of the car but i was i felt like i was just gonna just just splat on the ground when i when i so i was like i don't want to cause seeing this parking lot in the middle the afternoon i'm just gonna chill out in the car until like i feel a little bit better and then it It was like somebody pulled the cord out from behind the TV and just the power went out.

4:39And it was almost like I just laid my head back, but then woke up. But I woke up and just felt like really like sick and cold and like covered in like beads of sweat that were bigger than I've ever felt in my life. Or it just felt like I was like, I don't really feel like I'm just all the way. Here's a human being. And it was nighttime outside. So I'm like. Like, what happened? Like, why am I feeling like this? how did this even, cause I thought I was just like, you know, I was just high and just going to kick it in the parking lot for a bit. And then, but you know, looking back on it and unpacking it in therapy, it's like, nah, like that was like, uh, an overdose.

5:16Like I didn't voluntarily take a nap in that parking lot. I was just trying to be stable enough to keep it moving that day. And, um, just the feeling that I had and the feeling of fear that overcame me that night, was enough for me to just be like, all right, I'll give it up now because I thought I was in so much control over what I was doing and clearly had control of me. So that was enough of an experience for me to go into rehab, like a little bit skeptical, but like to at least go. Yeah. So unpack a couple things there because all the lessons are about to unfold. Wait till you hear this man, everybody.

5:54I'm telling you. By the way, you're talking about an active NFL football player who is currently one of the best in the world at what he does when you're hearing this. Just to give context, because I think most of my audience is probably 15 % NFL fans and 85 % not. So the first thing that's just profound to picture is you have a guy that's an NFL football player, you'd never realize this, in a parking lot at a grocery store, ODing in his car. You just don't picture that. You picture that being some other person that does something else, right? But did I catch that right? Did that mean that somehow you kind of time just – you lost track of time.

6:25You were in that car for quite a while then if it was the evening when you woke up, but it was bright out when the first event happened, when you actually OD'd. Is that accurate with what I just described? Yeah, the last collection of my memory was in the afternoon just being like, oh, man, like if I get out of the car, like people are going to see me and then they're going to call police or whatever. And I'm like, you know what? Let me just not attract all that attention. And I just sat in the car for a bit. It was in the summer, so it was hot. But then it was just like, boom. And then I woke up and it was like nighttime and felt like, you know, I essentially like died, but didn't.

7:03And like, but it was like looking back, it was what God needed to do because I, to that point, and even still sometimes today, I don't really know how to learn and shift things unless I do hit rock bottom. Yeah. that's kind of like how I'm wired and trying to get out of that. But that was an experience that I needed for me to let go because I wasn't letting go for any other reason. That's amazing. You said something profound, by the way, it was God involved because now that I watch you now and the things you teach and that you implement the strategies that we're going to go through here in a little bit, frankly, I think he's the best quoted athlete in the world.

7:40I'm going to read a bunch of his quotes back to him today and have him comment on them, which I've never done on a show before, but there's too many good ones. But I want to unpack a couple things there because I think a lot of people think they have control over something that doesn't serve them. So in your case, it was perks, right? You had a drug addiction. But some people, they think they got control over, you know what, yeah, I have negative thoughts, but I kind of can control it. It hurts me a little bit, but not as bad as you might think. I could probably get control over it. Or it's overeating or indulging in whatever it might be.

8:10They think they have control over something that's harming them. So what did you learn in rehab that caused you to stop? Was it that you just surrendered control? Was it a God thing? Like what took place in rehab that started the process of you turning your life around? So I would think when I was in rehab, I was introduced just to the overall aspect of honesty and truth and authenticity. because I realized mostly all of my life, I hid some part of me that was authentically who I was, depending on whatever room I was in. When I was around my parents and family growing up, I didn't really feel all that safe.

8:52My parents did a great job. I didn't feel all that safe to express my feelings and how sensitive I was. I was always told I wasn't black enough, So I was always hiding things I did that weren't black enough trying to fit in. And when I was, you know, the only black kid in these accelerated classes that I was in, I felt like I had to put on mass there. And and so it just became this part of me that always hid something and kind of living this double life, I would say. And so in there, I learned how valuable honesty was like, because if somebody asked me how I'm feeling, I'm like, I'm good. Like I'm putting the walls up.

9:30I'm not letting you in or being vulnerable. but just being vulnerable for the first couple of times. And I was shaking when doing it, but when I got it out, feeling physically and emotionally and mentally lighter immediately after it was just like, Whoa, like I want to feel like this. I want to continue to go down this path, but it's like this path was never really laid out to me as a man, as like, you know, modern day gladiator playing football. Like this wasn't really what was laid out, but um i feel like that was being able to share honestly like oh wow like i'm safe to share these things is what opened the door for my life to really transform i'm so proud of you so everybody just in case you know darren how how tall what's your height and weight just so everybody hears this um i'm six six two fifty five okay so we're talking about a really big man here and so when you hear a man not only a man but a man man you know what i'm saying here be that vulnerable and that authentic and he's in a violent sport and it's all about that.

10:32I hope anybody here can take this lesson. I'm on this kick during the last year or two. It's not even my quote, but I say it all the time that in life, you're most qualified to help the person or people that you used to be. Oftentimes it's the things that we're most ashamed of in our life or our setbacks. It could be something we're ashamed of, our setbacks, our averageness for a while, how invisible we are. We think those are the things that disqualify us from ever doing something great when, in fact, it's typically what God will use to qualify us to help people. And that's why I feel like your qualifications are so high.

11:07So we're going to talk about a bunch of things Darren does that he teaches today. But there's one little thing has nothing to do with addiction that I did notice about your career that I didn't know. We were talking about this off camera. Darren's a six-round pick, everybody, which means he barely got to the NFL. okay and this may seem insignificant it has nothing to do with your addiction but it has to do with like a life lesson you came in as i understand it as a wide out as a wide receiver and what really changed your career was a position change to tight end and i think a lot of people listening to this may need a position change literally and metaphorically in their life that where they're at at their career they could be incredible they're just in the wrong position They're doing something that's their former dream or doesn't take advantage of their real giftedness and talents.

11:58And sometimes in life, literally, what you need to be evaluating is do I need a position change? Do I need to physically change the position of where I live, who I live with, what I do for a living? But a position change in some way can change everything. And it changed your whole career, didn't it? So I just want you to speak to that, that one incident and how that might affect anybody, football or not. Yeah. Yeah, a lot of people don't know that. They think like, all right, if somebody was a stud wide receiver, like they just played wide receiver their whole life. Like, nah. I played defense until I got to college, and then I played wide receiver and a triple option offense, so I was really just blocking pretty much the whole time.

12:39And so it was really like this – it really installed a humility in me to where it's like, okay, like I feel like I'm a good player and I provide value, but me being moved around and trying these different positions just kept me open-minded to like, okay, I can make an impact no matter what my title is, no matter what my role is. There's something that I can bring to the table that nobody else can the way that I do. And when I got moved to tight end, I was like, you know, like, all right, like, I don't know what to do. Like just watching the dudes on YouTube, all the good tight ends from back then, Jimmy Graham, Travis Kelsey, Greg Olson at the time, Zach Ertz, Travis Kelsey was really, I mean, still doing what he's doing now back then.

13:20So just taking from them and just staying open minded to like, OK, like I know that I'm good. Let me allow these people that are wise, that see certain things in me, see a potential in me to take that from them and just apply it the best that I can and be patient with myself along this journey because I'm not going to have it figured out from day one. But then now it's like you look back five years later from that transition, there are teams that were, you know, looking for the big wide receiver coming out of college because they wanted somebody that was in the mold of me, which is crazy to look back on and see that that's something that could help change the position into what the tight end position is now and all of our versatility in it.

14:04But yeah, it was a journey. I didn't know what was happening at the time or the impact of it, but just being open-minded to the fact that I could be versatile and do things in different roles and ultimately find my niche however long it took and that I'll be impactful in it. Yeah, I don't think enough people listening to the show right now, if they feel a level of dissatisfaction or unhappiness or just they just don't feel at home. Maybe you need a position change. Or if you run a company, there's this great book called Good to Great, which talks about getting people on the bus in the right seats in your business.

14:39Evaluate position changes because oftentimes it's not that someone's not gifted or talented or hardworking. It's that they're in the wrong position. So if you're leading people, this matters. And if you're that person who may just be in the wrong seat on the bus and you need a position change. Okay, so let's talk. Let's unpack. He's got so many great quotes here. One thing along those lines about just grinding. There's a quote of yours. And by the way, maybe you took it from somebody else, but I want everybody to hear this. Because this is how do you go from being a six-round pick, you're basically a wide receiver, to being one of the best tight ends in football.

15:11And I mean, like, this dude's a weapon, everybody. When he's healthy, we can keep this dude healthy. there's no record he's not capable of breaking he's and it's because of that position change but also this listen to this quote from you no job is too little or too small or obscure that it can't be done as if it was god's work do you literally think about that is that something that's like a mindset of yours is that is that what a all pro level person in their career thinks like whatever the job is it's treated like it's god's work yeah i mean i believe that um gives me um i don't know just a level of essence and being that I can bring into anything.

15:46It doesn't have to be one specific activity. It could be on the football field. It could be creating a song. It could be speaking. It could be doing something through my foundation. Like the work of God is just loving people, meeting them where they're at and trying to serve them in the ways that they need to be served. And I can serve my teammates with my effort, my execution, my preparation, my reliability like you know that and and yeah definitely taking that to the field and and just that in that is a level of humility like our strength coach with the Raiders AJ Nybel he would have a quote on the first day coming in the offseason be like no like that's where the part where the no job is uh too unimportant or too obscure like that's like the Raider way it's like whatever is required of me if it's sexy if it's not if it's fantasy points if it's not if it, whatever it is, like being willing to do that is the definition of success.

16:42That's really worth subscribing to.

16:48So, Hey guys, as you know, I've partnered up with my good friend, Brennan Brouchard, who's created the greatest personal development system that has ever been designed called growth day. There's everything from journaling to accountability programs, live messages every Monday from myself and other influencers. There's an opportunity for you to to get courses that would cost thousands of dollars completely for free. It's incredible. Go to growthday.com forward slash ed and check it out.

17:14When I was young, I thought if I could make it to the major leagues, I'd be happy. And then that dream didn't happen. And then I thought, you know what? If I could be wealthy, then I'll be happy. And then I thought, well, if I could get a mansion, then I'll be happy. If I could get a jet, then I'd be happy. if I could get a tv show then I'd be happy if I could have an amazing family I'll be happy and I kept attaching this notion of happiness to some future achievement and every time I got there I'd move the the end zone I'd move the goal line now it's this next thing it's this next thing did you have that with football did you think hey if I could just get to the NFL I'm gonna be a happy person absolutely man I could have a laundry list just like you if I if it was like if I get to college and play Division I, I'll be happy.

18:05If I, you know, make it into the NFL and play one year, I'll be happy. If I, you know, oh, now that I'm in a starting role, if I get this big contract, I'll be happy. If I'm rated this in the top 100 players, I'll be happy. And it's like you check those boxes off and it's just like it doesn't really move the needle. It's kind of like this is it. This is all that it was when really it's like I start to learn that when I have those goals, it's really like the process of who I'm becoming along the way. That is really the victory. That's really the the reward. Just in the people that I get to do it with and the things that I learn, the people that I get to touch along the way.

18:48Like that's really the thing that's giving the happiness, the process of it. But that was not what I was thinking. I was like, oh, yeah, women, if women want me, if I got money, if I'm if I'm balling, like that's the recipe to success. And you have all three. And I was probably the most miserable I'd ever been in my life having all three. You're the most miserable. You know, just said that on my show was prime. Coach Prime just said the same thing. He had all that stuff going and he actually wanted to take his own life at one point when he had all the things that he ever wanted. so in your case what did you find i mean you just described some of it but is there you have this quote i'm just going to read some of your quotes back to you because they've meant something to me it's interesting there's all these people in personal development that are really good friends of mine you know i'm best friends with about everybody that does this for a living and they do help me yet there's this tight end that plays for the giants that has these quotes that impact me and i'm like i'm gonna get them on the show i'm gonna read them back to them you said a quote Now, you tell me how you do it.

19:48Because I struggled with this up into my 40s. Like, why am I not happier? In other words, my identity was tied to all these achievements and things. It's not that I was unhappy all the time. But it just, like you said, it just wasn't what I thought it would be. And you have this quote about the obvious and awe. I'm trying to remember what the quote was. Oh, train yourself to see the awe behind the obvious. And I actually wrote that down. It was on my desk for a long time. And what it meant to me was like, appreciate the beauty and everyday things when I see them. That's what it meant for me. And I found like, wow, I didn't have to make a hundred million bucks to be happy.

20:32I could be thrilled that like my little Pomeranian, Daisy and Rose, when I come downstairs are smiling, waiting for me. And how grateful I am that they can't wait to see me. And in that moment, I'm flooded with joy, more joy than the mansion that the dogs were waiting for me. I was in, if that makes any sense to me. How's it? How's that apply for you? Yeah, 100 percent, man. It's like you have like your dogs right there. Those are those are things that are readily available for you to step into the joy and the love and the gratitude of whenever you choose to. But a lot of times we measure our happiness and success on things where the goalpost just keeps moving.

21:11And that carrot that's dangling in front of our face, we can't reach it. Like it's, you know, we get one million, we get two million, we get five million, we get 10 million, we get 20 million. But then it's like, all right, well, 25 is is right there. And if I see somebody next to me with 25, I'm going to feel a little type of way as opposed to being content and grateful for what I have. And it's really like countercultural these days because it's such hustle culture, such grind culture. And I feel like there's a lot of value in that and it creates a lot of good principles and work ethic in people.

21:41But I feel like sometimes it can be a bit extreme because it's like, well, when does it, when do I stop in, you know, be satisfied and enjoy some of what my life is going on? because when I get to the end of the road, get to the end of my life, will I have ever stopped to enjoy what's going on, stopped to smell the roses? And it's hard to do that. It's hard to be balanced in trying to be the best you can be and continue to push your limits while also being grateful. It's a difficult thing to do. It is. Lately, I've been uncovering something. I think you need to know which type you are also. like someone who struggles with work ethic or drive or focus or determination or confidence or all that, then these messages are very much applicable.

22:30Like you got to get up, you got to go, you got to have your cold plunge in the morning. Like I know you and I both cold plunge, but you got to have these things and be driven and moving. And I think that applies to so many people. But then there are other people based on however they were raised or whatever. Like I was raised by an alcoholic dad, you know that. So I automatically as a little boy wanted to achieve to get attention and praise and love. So I've never struggled with desire or ambition. This is important for everybody listening to this to identify themselves. I have never struggled with the willingness to work.

23:05I don't struggle with desire or ambition or my wanting to grow and read and expand. I'm not deficient in that area. so grind culture is almost dangerous for me right it's almost like giving a drug addict their percocet right i need the other message hey right and and what we don't do in personal development or coaching is nuance which type are we and i think a lot of people that consume this like they're already grinders they're already after they're already achievers right they already have all that and no one's messaging to them self-care rest recuperation meditation peace um giving yourself the gift of bliss and happiness now are you more wired like me and that's why you think you need that other stuff yes 1000 i mean from when i was a kid from um you know being addicted to validation long before i was ever addicted to drugs it's like you know these people are telling me I'm not black enough I gotta please I gotta show them or please them you know I gotta you know and when I'm in these classes the only person that looks like me I gotta prove myself there I gotta make sure these people respect me when I'm on the football field you know remember when I was a kid I was like I didn't feel like I fit into these environments but I knew being in Georgia if I'm good at football people will have no choice but to love me and and so that work ethic that that grind that willingness to just do the uncomfortable things and to and to succeed and be consistent in my craft was something that I continued to do.

24:38I continued to get better all throughout from when I was a kid, all the way through continuing to be a pro. I kept continuing to take leaps. So I'm with you. I don't need more of the go, go, go, grind, grind, grind message. I got those things downloaded and I'm putting them into practice. But as far as the stopping, resting, seeing the value in myself outside of what I do, seeing the value in who who I am just as a person outright. Those are things I need work in. I need work in the self-love because I still think because some of the things that I've done and the guilt and shame that can still linger from those things, I feel like, yeah, I've done good with the second chance that I've gotten, but there's still something in me that still feels like there's something that is hard for me to fully, deeply love every single part of me.

25:31And so I need that message. I need that downloaded all day, every day, playing in my ears, playing in my headphones. Like, I need that one. Yeah, I think we need to, in this culture today, distinguish between which type we are. Maria Shriver's a friend. And, you know, my tag has always been Max Out. And she's always telling me, she goes, Ed, you don't need more Max Out. You need to chill out. And she's really right. I'm going to ask you something that you brought up twice. I didn't know we were going to go there. but I want to ask you about it because I've had other friends say this to me as well.

26:03This is going to be a tough one. Not even I was going to go there with you today. But you brought up not being black enough twice. And so because I was an athlete, I was around people from every single culture, but I am a white guy, right? And my light-skinned black friends, many of them mentioned that to me over and over again. This isn't a typical podcast question, but could you speak to that just for a second? Is that what you mean by that? That like you're not you don't fit into the white world because you're clearly you have a black culture and black ancestry. But you're sometimes this is something in black culture as well, that if you're not dark enough, you're not black enough.

26:42And this is something that young, by the way, this is going to become more and more prevalent as we all now mix together more than we ever have in our culture of mixed races, which to me are the most beautiful people in the world. but it's a real thing that's very rarely talked about outside of kind of like private conversations so that really impacted you growing up and could you speak to that a little bit because you brought it up twice i'm not going to let that go by in a podcast without opening that up a little bit yeah no it's a real thing it's um you know i uh some of my my first friends growing up in my cul-de-sac in my neighborhood when i moved to georgia um were white but it wasn't by choice i mean they were they were outside riding bikes playing football playing baseball like they're like oh man I want to do all those things I'm just rolling with them and and I feel like my you know things like musical taste like clothes I would wear you know it'd be like why are you dressing like that why do you hang around them like you're not really black like why do you talk why you talk so proper like why do you care so much about school like why do you it's almost just eliminating like crabs in the bucket mentality and you know the kids didn't know that they were doing at the time but you know we've been conditioned over time that by you know by being black like we should be a certain way and some of those things are kind of limiting because it's like nah like i'm proud today that i was young people like i used to hide that i love this song called home by daughtry when i was in middle school like maybe that's still my favorite song to this day but it's like i would always i would hide things like that because i'm like i don't want these people to continue to make me feel like i'm not enough it's like i love hip-hop so it's like it's just always hip-hop yeah and um but yeah it's this constant state of um I have to derive the validation that I seek from these people and it almost feels impossible because I'm black but I'm not black enough and I can't change my my skin color I can't make myself darker I can't you know do anything like I am who I am and it's a tough identity to shake especially those early the years when your brain is forming that's right comes a truth in your mind it's it can become very hard to shake yep you know um obviously i can't relate to that but it's something that so many of my friends have told me that fit that description so to speak and i think there's other things that can happen when you're a kid too like for me i had the shame of it's not the same but the same of i'd meet what i thought were normal families out to dinner their dad wasn't drunk you know I mean or there wasn't yelling in their house and I was always thinking there's something wrong with me because I come from this I'm not like them in my own version of my life which is different than yours Nick Kyrgios you know the great tennis player was on and his thing was he grew up a fat kid and so he had the shame of that and never really feeling like he fit in and it's interesting so many things that can happen in our childhood that make us feel different you know not in the group, not in the crowd.