The Hidden Power of Meaning and Perspective

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1:37This is The Ed Myron Show. Welcome back to the show, everybody. This week's podcast is potentially a game-altering one for many of you. But if you can really understand what I'm going to cover today and spend some time really processing the information and then taking action on it. You know, knowledge is not power unless it's applied. That's when it becomes powerful. So I'm going to give you a bunch of knowledge today, a bunch of information, but it's your ability to apply these things that I teach every Thursday here. And by the way, Thursday episodes are the most downloaded episodes we put out on the podcast every month.

2:08They're the ones where I'm talking directly with you. And of course, on Tuesdays, we do interviews that so many of you love as well. Saturdays, we do mashup episodes. So this week's topic, by the way, is about meaning and how it alters our life in every single way possible, the meaning we attach to events. Remember this, it's not the events of our life that define us, it's the meaning we attach to the event. And when you learn to control meaning in your life, you control your life to some extent, far greater than you do if you don't have that. And even as a parent or as a leader, I want you to listen today about whether or not you're correctly framing meaning to the people that you lead in your company, in your business, whether you're framing, I call it, and attaching the right meaning to your children for the events they're going through in their lives.

2:56And then in your own life, how good are you at attaching meaning? I believe this is one of the secret skills that happy and successful people both possess. You can become successful and produce a bunch of external results often in life and not be happy. And what we really want in life is both. That's the ultimate in life is to be fulfilled, to be contributing to other people, to be winning, but to be fulfilled in our lives. Meaning drives everything. I want you to write this down. Meaning drives memory. Meaning drives the story in your life and the story you tell yourself you live up to. So meaning in life when an event happens, whether it could be childhood trauma, a sale that you just missed, a fight you've had with somebody, a failure, a perceived failure, Anything in life, meaning drives a memory in your life and meaning drives a story.

3:47And what we do as human beings is we try to live up to and be consistent with the stories we tell ourselves. So I want to talk today a little bit about learning to frame things so that they serve you in your life. But also if you have a family, serve your children, serve your spouse. If you have a business, serve the people in your business by learning to frame and attach the right meaning to what's going on in the world, in your life, in your company. Remember this. I'm giving you a bunch of sayings in the beginning, and then we'll teach it. Perspective drives performance. And meaning attaches memory, as I've said.

4:22So like, for example, if you had childhood trauma in your life and you still sort of working through it, you can't. It's not the trauma or the event that took place, the divorce, a form of abuse. As many of you know, my dad was an alcoholic. And what comes with an alcoholic father is certain events and moments in your life that aren't very pleasant, that aren't very pleasing. And it's not those events that define you. It's the meaning you attach to those events, not the event itself. And so if we can learn in our lives going forward, if that's true when you're a child, it's true in everything in your life.

4:57Oh, interest rates are being cut or interest rates are going up or there's strife in the world or there's an election. I got all that. The meaning you attach to these things is going to dictate everything in your life. So also in life, perceived worry and pressure is all meaning. You're worried about an event or something happening because of what you think it will mean to you, because what you think it will mean to you. Pressure comes from what it means. Athletes that I work with all the time. Many of you know I coach some of the top athletes in the world. And one of the things I do when I first start working with them is I listen to them.

5:32I want to understand what questions they ask themselves, but I also want to listen. I'm listening very closely, even though they don't know it, for their meanings that they attach to different things. I mean, if you're over a putt to win a golf tournament and you attach the wrong meaning to that, if I miss this putt, what will it mean? People will make fun of me. I won't get sponsored. You start running this crazy meeting that elevates the pressure. But if you could be over that same button and be asking yourself the question, what will it mean when I make this? Right. That changes your physiology.

6:04In fact, sometimes the best thing to have happen when you're under pressure is to realize that it's not going to mean that much one way or the other. And then that reduces the pressure. But in every single case, meaning is truth. It's your truth. And then the last thing that I always look at when I visit with people, coach them, mentor them, is their overall worldview meaning. This drives almost everything. It's the narrative of your life. So if you're a victim, you will find evidence to prove and be consistent with that story. If the world's out to get you, if you always get a bad break, if you never win, if everything always doesn't go your way, whatever that might be.

6:42People don't believe in me. People don't like me. People don't trust me. People don't think I'm smart. People dismiss me. People don't think I'm attractive. Whatever it might be, you're right because meaning drives everything. And so if you want to change your life, you will change your ability to frame meaning. So I want you to watch a clip because I think this is very illustrative that I've selected from the great Tom Brady, arguably the greatest football player of all time. Some people believe the greatest athlete of all time, certainly the greatest quarterback of all time. and him talking about his childhood and the framing that his parents did for him around certain events, around practice, around his dreams, and how critical he believes now later in life the framing and meaning that his parents gave him.

7:27Take a listen to this. I always tell this story about my parents. When I had these dreams of being a professional quarterback, you know, or even go to college to play, my parents were there to say, go for it. like there was no hey maybe you should think about you know let's have plan b or i don't know that's really hard or you know i don't know there's a lot of people that want to do those things and you should really try something that's you know maybe less risky you know i was all in on on that maybe that was a little bit naive but there was no plan b for me and i had parents that fully supported that so when i wanted to go to batting cages at night because i wasn't hitting the ball the way i wanted to in baseball my dad was there rolled up his sleeves took me there You know, we hit took batting cracks for 30 minutes and we drove home and we talked the whole way home I got did you see that dad and I hit that one great And then when I wanted to go learn to be a better quarterback We'd go to a football camp and he'd track down there with me and he was saying go for it son You got this, you know, you're gonna be in there and my mom god bless her You know, I was like the slowest player that ever ran at the combine like ever in history You can look it up and my mom would be like honey.

8:30You're so fast You're so fast, honey. And I'm like mom i'm slow. It's okay. No, no, no you're just you're trust me you're fine out there so that's just what unconditional love and support can do for you as a as a child that don't ever you know i always tell parents don't ever tell your kids they can't do something this you don't know you don't know what they can do yeah so isn't that incredible when you hear that about not only the meaning of having his dad be present say at the batting cage or whatever but to go for his dreams not to say things like well everybody wants that or not everybody can do it when you start sowing that into people as a child they begin to live consistently with it.

9:07They begin to settle. They begin to become average and ordinary. So sometimes as a parent, as a leader, it's the invisible things we don't even know we're doing with our children that are attaching belief systems and meanings in their minds that they carry with them their entire life. They're like mind viruses that were installed by our family when we were young, or we are installing in our children, and we don't even realize we're doing it in these subtle things we do or do not say to people. I have to also tell you this, we do it with ourselves, by the conclusion we reached by what an event meant.

9:39I'll give an example with my dad, because I think this has something to do with many of the blessings and good fortune that's happened in my life. I'm not an extraordinarily talented person. I don't have a particularly high IQ. In fact, I think it's actually, in some cases, a little bit low. You know, I'm a motivated person, but I don't know that I'm more motivated than other people. but I have been raised in a way where meaning was framed well for me and let me give you an example of this because it's been invisible to me until I was about 50 years old but my dad even though he was an alcoholic and a drinker and used drugs as well was incredible at framing meaning for me I'll give you a great example when I would play baseball and I ended up playing at a division one college level I was fortunate that I was a pretty good player and I'd have a game.

10:27I went 0 for 4 with two ground outs, a strikeout, and a flyout. I'm walking off that field going, I failed today. I failed today. What most parents would do is they get in the car and go, so what happened on that curveball? Why did you move your hands over like that? Next time, get your hands up. Or that's why we got to do batting practice. That would be their frame. And you would think, well, that's a valuable lesson. It isn't initially because what you've done is you framed the meaning. So what we always want to do in our lives is go, what's this mean? And then take the instructions of what we need to do next.

10:59This is something probably never been taught to you before. My dad didn't even know he was doing this, but I'm not exaggerating this when I would tell you that he's done this hundreds of times for me. I'm walking off that field. I'm not very good. You know, 0 for 4. Joey on our team had three home runs. He's so much better than me. Whatever it is that I was thinking as a young man. And by the way, this is from Little League all the way through college. and I'd get in the car and my dad would go, hey, so I got to tell you something. I don't know if you could hear the other dads in the stands, but that ground ball you hit to short, Mike, you flew down that line.

11:30You almost beat that thing out. It was incredible how fast you got down the line. He goes, Eddie, the other dads were saying, I don't think there's a kid faster than little Eddie Milet in the entire league. They were blown away by how quick you got down the line. It was awesome. And I'd say, really, Dad? Gosh, it was like a blur. and all of a sudden he took this ground out that took place and he's got it framed for me where we're focusing on the thing that I did which was bust my tail even though I knew I was going to get thrown out flew down the line my dad go you know what a lot of guys man they just jog that thing out because they know they're going to ground out not you you hustled all the way through and people notice that stuff Eddie dads were talking about it by the time we would get home I felt great about myself I took the right meetings way and then he could say by the way let's take some extra a batting practice this week.

12:15See if we can get your hands up a little bit, drive through the ball. So do you understand the difference? The meaning of when I did the batting practice was completely different than it would have been had he not framed that event. And none of it that he told me was untrue. He picked apart the things that served me to believe. He didn't lie because when you, if you're doing that, if you're telling somebody something they know isn't true about, that they didn't run down the line or they weren't fast. It's finding the evidence of the good in it, finding the lesson in it first. The other games were, you know, maybe I didn't have a very good game as well, but I'd make a great catch.

12:53My dad would go, I watched you before that guy got up, Eddie. I watched you move over two steps to your left. You didn't because you read the scouting report. You knew he likes to pull the ball in the right center field gap. They go, yeah, dad, I knew. Right? He goes, man, the jump you got on that, you did everything right, right leg back first, first step back as an outfielder. that step was back, busted your tail the way you got up. I didn't think you were going to get to it. Because, by the way, people are saying you can't get to it. When they got shocked, what a great play. That was awesome.

13:19Way to contribute to the team. That's the first thing he would do. And it became where I got addicted to hearing my dad's meaning about what my games looked like. And then it built a pattern in me where I looked for the good meanings and things first. Then I made adjustments. So let's just be clear here. That's everything in life. You miss a sales call. It's what did you do well? What went well? What are you going to do again? What was great? Pull the right meaning from it. And then this is a learning experience. What do I need to learn to get better? And then you're a learner. You're a grower.

13:58And so by the time that's done, you're going to get through all the things you need to do. But the meaning serves you. Not I suck. I can't close. I'm in a slump. going into a sales meeting, right? Going into that meeting, you attaching the shoe. If I don't get this sale, it's going to be blah, blah. Now you've changed the wrong meeting because nothing's life or death like that. You've attached the wrong meeting to it. Now you've increased the pressure because you've attached a wrong meeting. And now you don't perform to your best because the pressure's elevated. But if you attach the right meaning to the meeting, I may change these people's lives today.

14:31This is going to go great. If it doesn't go great, I'm going to get another one, right? There will be other sales in my life. It's not life or death. I know a lot's on the line, but everything's going to be okay, and I'm going to help these people today. Then you go into that meeting excited about what that meeting is. Pressure reduced, worries reduced, performance increases.

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16:29Well, of course they do. It's how everybody lives. No, they don't. The events of their lives don't dictate their lives. But if it's all, if you're at the whim of the external things that happen, if I close the sale, I'll be happy. If I don't, I'm going to attach the wrong meaning and be sad or angry or think I'm a loser. If I get this person to go out with me on a date or I get this relationship, then I'll be happy. But if I don't, I have to not be happy and I'm not attractive and nobody wants me or very few people want me or that person's out of my league. Right. I hear people say these things all the time and they wonder why they can't consistently find the emotions they want in their life because they've not learned to frame and attach meaning.

17:05And by the way, this isn't Pollyanna. If I did something intentionally wrong on the field, my old man would let me know. I remember one time in college, I got into this habit of arguing with umpires and whether it's balls and strikes or close plays at first base, or if I'm stealing second. And then when I wouldn't get the call I wanted, it affected my body language. And I remember after a game and the way he framed it was right though. I remember after a game in college, we went out to dinner and my dad was being quiet. I said, what's up? And he goes, I'm kind of embarrassed. I said, why? He goes, you're so much better than how you're playing.

17:42And he goes, it's not even how you're playing because I'm going to love you whether you get a hit or you don't get a hit. You know that. But I have to tell you, it's embarrassing to watch you argue with these umpires and then after that your shoulders are shrugged over you're over on the side of the dugout by yourself you're throwing your bat your other teammates are distracted now because you're just way better than that way better than that and i said well it's hard it kind of you know this matters now dad it's college my dad goes it matters really compared to what you know you know our friend barry barry's got stage four chemo and every single day barry goes in there whether that chemo works means he's going to live or die.

18:20You know, that little girl that's down the street, don't forget about that. She's got that heart issue, Eddie. And you imagine being a parent and having a three-year-old little girl who every day is life and death and she's fighting for her life. He goes, that's a big deal. Whether you get a hit in this game, is it really that big of a deal? Let's just be honest. 30 years from now, you're going to be okay. And what it did is it changed the meaning. It changed the perspective and perspective. And oftentimes in life drives your performance because I had the right meaning and the right frame around it.

18:52It reduced my pressure, but it also still sewed into me the meaning that I was better than this. That's the right thing. Mother Teresa, for example, has this thing that I was reading about her where, and I've said this one other time on the show, I think, but you know, the event does matter, but the meaning is everything. So for me and you more than likely, if we saw somebody die, it would be tragic, cause trauma for us. We'd have nightmares about it. I mean, if we were physically there when somebody passed away, right? Like say in an accident and certainly wouldn't be a good day, right? So this is an extreme example.

19:25And I'm not saying that it should be this way all the time because there just are things that aren't good in life. But even when those things happen, it's your ability to frame it correctly and learn something from it that changes it from just a disaster and you're a failure. In any event, Mother Teresa said that it was the honor of her life and what she was born to do when she was with somebody as they passed away. And the way she framed it, and I believe was, it's the honor of my life to be with a human being as their soul goes to heaven and leaves their body. And so the same exact event, we would have two different meanings.

19:59If I rolled up to a car accident and there's someone there on the side of the road, God forbid, and they passed away in my arms in a horrific way, and they were, let's say, young, 30-year-old person, I would say, I've just witnessed the greatest tragedy of my life. I can't get the visual out of my mind, et cetera, et cetera. I'm using an extreme example for a reason. And you wouldn't say there's anything wrong with that. Well, I'm just telling you that exact same event, Mother Teresa would say, I had an honor today. I was with the passing of the soul that went to heaven. And she was so focused on heaven and how blissful it was to get there that she attached a totally different meaning to that event.

20:32And of course, I'm using an extreme example here just to illustrate that the emotions in her body during that moment would have been gratitude, faith, prayer, and comfort. The emotions in my body would be completely different. My experience would be different by the meaning. And of course, that's an extreme example. My point is, it illustrates, if you can get good at framing and meaning things and telling yourself the truth about it, your life is literally going to change. So what you have to start to do is the way you frame meaning is the questions you ask yourself about something. So what would I need to believe about this event so that it served me?

21:09What did I learn from this example, right? What did I do well and what can I build from? Nothing's always completely wrong, right? And then from there, what do I need to get better at? And if you don't learn to control this part of your life, this narrative, these questions that you ask yourself, right? You're going to have a very difficult time sustaining success because events go up and down, right? I'm concerned about what's going on in the world as much as anybody. But I don't let myself believe it means the end of the world necessarily, or the end of my life, or that I'm powerless over all of those things, because those are things that just don't serve me emotionally.

21:46So I ask myself, is there a meaning I can attach to this that serves me? Are there better questions I can ask myself about what's happening right now to reframe my perspective on it? I really believe that framing is everything in life, like the Bradys did for their son, like my dad did for me, like you should be doing for the people you lead, your children, your friends, and also yourself. So people ask me oftentimes, so how do I know if I've attached the right meaning? Well, you won't for a long time. But what you can't ask yourself is this question, and it's a powerful one. Does this meaning I've attached this event serve me?

22:23And if the answer to that is, I don't think it serves me. It gives me pain. It gives me agony. It gives me stress. It gives me worry. It gives me angst. It makes me lose my confidence or my belief in myself. The first question you ask yourself is, what meaning have I attached to this? Because oftentimes that's unconscious and we're oblivious and it's invisible and we just go about our lives. The first question is, what meaning did I attach to this? Second question is, does this meaning serve me? And if the answer to that is no, Here's a powerful question, believe it or not. What would I need to believe about this so that it would serve me?

22:59And begin to craft that meaning. Fourth question you could ask yourself is, what would so-and-so believe about this event if it happened to them? And model it. Because sometimes we think so little of ourselves because of all these years of attaching the wrong meaning, that when we go to ask ourselves, what would I need to believe about this? We can't find the answer. but immediately when we pick somebody we admire or we look up to, we immediately find the right answer. Isn't that interesting? What would I need to believe? And if that doesn't work, what would so-and-so believe about this event?

23:34And then the last one, which is the most powerful one is, what does God want me to believe about this event so that it serves me, so that I can serve his kingdom and his children even better than I am currently? And somewhere in those questions, you'll begin to find the meanings that serve you. You know, there's a great saying going around that several influencers say, but Jamie Kern Lima says it the most, which is that rejection is God's protection. What a great frame and what a great meaning to attach when rejection happens, that really this wasn't for you. This wasn't meant for you. And even though you want it so badly, I'm protecting you by not giving you this relationship, protecting you by not getting that job you wanted, that sale that you had.

24:13And I have to tell you, when I look back in my life, now 53 years into my life, all the rejection that took place was God's protection. And I actually attached the meaning from that. So what if you went in knowing that there's a hand on your life and that it's always guiding you and that you're in the palm of his hand and that you have the blood of the King of Kings running through your DNA, that you're capable of anything in your life. That doesn't mean you're not going to make mistakes. It doesn't mean you don't have to apologize for things. But what it does mean in life is that Your life beliefs matter.