The Raw Reality: Grieving The Loss Of A Loved One

0:04This is the Ed Milet Show. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. So this week I come to you with a very heavy heart. This is certainly going to be a different type of podcast this week, one that I wish I wasn't doing, one that I've tried to record now three times, and before I hit the record button, I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. So depending on when you're listening to this, I'm so sad if this is the first time you're hearing this, but I'm delivering some really difficult news, tragic news. Many of you probably already know from my social media, but about 48 hours ago, my beautiful, dear friend who you heard on our show just several weeks ago, Jessie Lee Ward, passed away of stage 4 cancer that we had talked about on this very show and the fight that she was having.

1:05and that we thought that she was winning. And unfortunately, my sweet friend lost her battle with this terrible disease that we need to cure. Just 48 hours ago, so this is very fresh for me, but I thought it was important because we're like a big family here, the millions of us that are a part of this community that are part of the Ed Milet show or my social media, et cetera, that I just share with you in real time how I feel and how I'm dealing with this. Because I know many of you have been grieving at the loss that you fell in love with her when she was on my show. And we're following her journey since that time.

1:47You're talking about a woman who's 34 years old and the prime of her life was making millions and millions of dollars. Where just many years ago, she was broke. She had found the love of her life. And I was honored. I had known Jesse Lee. Y 'all, I'd known Jessie Lee, been around her for four or five years, six years, actually, at different speaking engagements. She ran up and took a picture to me in 2018 at the 10X Growth Con just to get a picture with me. And then I watched her at different events as her life was changing. She would be like a speaker before I would get up and talk. And I knew who she was.

2:20And we would always say hello backstage. And I was told she was wild and crazy. And people had different opinions about her. And then over time, you know, we had some mutual friends. And then I was honored. I don't know, a little over a year ago that she asked me to be her coach. And when she asked me to be her coach, I fell in love with her. And it wasn't very long after that that she started to call me dad every time we talked. And we talked or texted just about every single day. One week after she asked me to coach her, she was diagnosed with cancer. And I'll never forget. And by the way, I'm doing this today because I know many of you are grieving about something in your life or you will.

3:02And I thought I would just share with you how I feel and potentially how I'm going to deal with this or I am dealing with it so that maybe it'll help you.

3:11And I'm not sure I should be doing this, but I am. So it's very difficult. One week after she asked me to coach her, I just want to share this with you. She was diagnosed and had a very lengthy, very difficult surgery. They removed part of her intestine and her colon. And I'll never forget thinking, well, she'll cancel this coaching call, and we'll do it when she's out of the hospital. And she didn't. This coaching call happened, and she was in her hospital bed, had just come out of surgery the day before, had her laptop out, her notepad out, and was ready to go. And I thought in that moment, I love this young woman.

3:48And she told me that I was the dad that she never had in her life. and every time she would call me that, I would get goosebumps many of the times because I was so honored. And we became very, very close.

4:05And I'm grateful that I had her on the show and that you all got to listen to her, but I'm definitely grieving right now. Very difficult for me to process this. There's a range of emotions I'm experiencing right now from obviously sadness and despair

4:25anger. I don't understand why something like this happens, why God would do this. And I've had some conversations with him recently, like, what's going on here, man? But then there's this other part of me that's incredibly happy and blissful, because I am a believer, because I do believe that Jesus died for our sins and that he's given us everlasting life if we accept that, and that she's in heaven, and that if heaven really is a place that we want to go, that she's blessed to be there. She's no longer in any pain. She's no longer worried. She's in heaven. She's in paradise. I believe that strongly.

5:05I was relying on some scriptures. In Luke 23, 43, Jesus replied, I assure you that today you will be with me in paradise. paradise and when she passed I read that within the hour and it gives me comfort if we really believe that don't we in our lives then we should be almost celebrating the fact that she's there and grieving our own loss so I'm simultaneously so happy for her that she's in paradise but grieving the loss I feel and that I know many of you feel and the thousands of people that she coached and she influenced on her social media, and I'm grieving. I want to say something to you about grief, any type of grief that you may be going through, whether that be grieving the end of someone's life and you've lost them or the end of a relationship.

5:54It could be an illness that someone's going through. But in this case, it was her passing and her death. Grief is a sign that love is greater than death. I'll say that again because I've been saying it to myself an awful lot. Grief is a sign that love is greater than death. And it's not the events of our lives that define us. You know, this is such a tragic and difficult event in the prime of our life, but it's not the events of our lives that define our existence here. It's the meaning we take from that event. And so I've been asking myself, Lord, what does this mean? Because I have this firm belief that I've shared with you forever, and it's being tested right now, is that everything in our lives are happening for us and not to us.

6:42Boy, that's a difficult one. I remember when my father passed away just a few years ago, thinking, Lord, how in the world is this happening for me? Or my dad's cancer and the suffering that he went through, the suffering that Jesse Lee went through, or the hope she had. Just the day before she passed, we were communicating about what her plans were and what she was going to do when she got out. We were speaking together this coming Saturday, and we were talking about getting together for lunch, and she wanted to give me a hug and I wanted to see her. We wanted to sit down and do our coaching in person and that she was going to, she was so thrilled.

7:11She told me to speak on the same stage that I was speaking on. And 12 hours later, she was gone. Trying to process that. What does it mean? Because I'm not telling you that every event in life is beautiful. There's a tragic accident or a young woman like this is beautiful soul loses her life. But what I am saying is that I believe God uses those events so that although in our own grief and our own pain, remember this person's in paradise, but in our own grief and our own pain, that that event is used to make us better, for us to learn something, for us to take something, to have an appreciation for something that maybe we don't now, an inspiration that we don't have.

7:54And so for me, I've been asking myself, what do I need to believe about this so that it serves me? What am I supposed to learn through this? And I have to tell you, many of those lessons have been screaming at me this last 48 hours. One is the preciousness of my own life and your own life. Anytime she loses their life, we feel that, don't we, for a week. And then we go back to our problems and our worries and our patterns. And I've promised myself at this time that her passing won't be in vain, that it really will affect me. that I will take each day as being more precious and more valuable and more sacred, that I'm not going to let it only last four or five or six days like it has when other friends of mine have passed away, that this time it's going to really influence and impact me.

8:38I've learned that I'm not done yet, and if this was my final day, I'm not satisfied with who I am and how I've lived and who I want to become. I need to change. I need to grow. I need to improve. and I believe that's one of the lessons I'm learning. I'm learning, I want to learn to honor the people in my life that have left, like my dad, like my friend Dave Hollis this last year, like many people in my life who are gone, especially in this case, Jessie Lee, because she was so young. I want to honor her with how I conduct the rest of my life, how I conduct myself today. And I believe that's what this is trying to teach me.

9:17It's trying to teach many of us that maybe for some of you, it's you need to go get your health checked. There's all kinds of genetic testing that you can do for cancer to know whether you're predisposed genetically for it. You can go get your lab work done, your blood work done. This is a healthy woman who was in the best shape of her life. She had lost a bunch of weight. She was fit. She was training. She had incredible energy levels, but this was inside her body unbeknownst to her. She didn't find out until it was in its fourth stage. So maybe that's a lesson for many of you. In Jessie Lee's case, she shared on my podcast that at one point in her life, she had actually given her mom a metaphor, a metaphorical funeral because the relationship was so strained and so bad.

9:55And she had such frustration with her mom that she actually buried her in her mind and gave her a funeral. And then it was on my show that she revealed that through our coaching, that that wasn't good enough and that she wanted to build a brand new relationship with her mom. And she had said on my show just a few weeks ago that the following day, she was going to go see her mother. And I can tell you, report to you that she did. And they had a beautiful reconciliation. And Jessie Lee was in tears about it and had such a deep understanding and appreciation for her mother's journey. Now she made that relationship right before her passing.

10:29And she felt an incredible love from her mom. And I'm sure her mom did from her. Maybe there's a relationship that you've been sideways with or strife, or, you've been disconnected for many years or months, that maybe this passing is the lesson for you, the meaning you need to take away is you need to make those relationships right. Maybe the lesson for you, like it is for me, is that what really matters is that just all of this stuff and the accumulation and the helping people, all that's important. But who's important in your life, your family, your loved ones, that's a lesson learned. In my case, it's a little different than many people, but I need to slow down a little bit.

11:10I'm spending too much time working, too much time giving. I am too much time not taking rest, not enjoying the simple things in life. In my case, I need to say no to more things that are opportunities of mine. I need to get part of my life back. I need to get part of my personal life back. I need to get my social life back. I've taken a look this week at my friends, and I think I've had most of my friendships on maintenance mode now for too many years where there's a text, there's a hello, there's a lunch, but it's not as deep as it should be or as it once was or as it could be. And I need to evaluate because people matter, things don't.

11:52When moments like this come every time, it's people that matter, things don't. and I've been pursuing too many things or ideas or concepts or stages or levels of whatever it is on the ladder, and it's the people that matter. Sometimes you don't realize that until they're gone. I'm so grateful that in Jessie Lee's case, she knew she mattered to me. I told her every single day, just about every single day that I loved her and I was proud of her. She was one of these people who, like all of us, wasn't perfect and had her flaws. But as she was getting older, she was getting better. She was improving.

12:33She was gaining wisdom and humility. She was incredibly coachable. She was getting better as a person. And so there's all these lessons. When life happens this way for us, because it did happen for us, the important thing to ask yourself is, what is this supposed to mean? What am I supposed to learn from this? What is God trying to teach me right now? What's my lesson? And for someone else, this exact event he will use to teach something else to. And for another person, this same event will mean something completely different. That's the infinite wisdom and power that God has in our life is that there can be millions of different meanings from the same event for his precious children.

13:16And in my case, those are the lessons. I've also allowed myself to cry a lot more the last few days than I normally do. I read this quote by Washington Irving. He says, there's a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than 10 ,000 tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and unspeakable love. And so when I cry these tears that I've had the last few days, and I know I will for some time, they're sacred. They're not a mark of weakness. They're a mark of power. They speak eloquently about my grief and my unspeakable love.

14:02Not just for Jesse Lee, but somehow this affected me about my love for you and your precious families and your lives. And how much I want you to be happy. I spend so much of my time dedicating my life to other people's happiness and joy and success that one of the lessons I've learned in this, because it brings me such joy and happiness to do that, is I still need to make sure I give myself the gift of my own. and although that gives me joy and gratitude and pride and peace when I give to other people there is always something we should be doing for ourselves and so many of you maybe you're constantly sacrificing for the people that you love at your own expense there can become a point where it's at your own expense and maybe that's one of your lessons and maybe you've never heard of Jesse Lee and you didn't even see that episode, but I'm helping you today navigate through your life or grief you've experienced, or maybe grief you can avoid or regret you can avoid.

15:05You know, at the end of your life, you know, who do you want to be?

15:16Grief is a sign that love is greater than death. You know, when I was with my dad, when he passed away. And I was communicating with Jesse Lee all the way up until the very end. In all candor, she had sent me a message. So amazing to me, I have to tell you. My dad told me that he had one more day when he actually had one more day. Jesse Lee messaged me and told me that she had two more days. And she lived two more days. and something occurred to me when I was with my dad after he passed away and the same thing occurs to me now in losing my sweet beautiful friend she was such a life force in my life my dad was the most important life force

16:16and I have to tell you when my dad passed away I was with his body there was about I don't know, an hour and a half or so before the hearse came to take him. Very quickly after he had passed away, I was in the room with him alone, and I realized I wasn't in the room with my dad anymore. I wasn't. My dad was gone. His body was still there, but my dad was gone. So my dad was not his body.

16:48My dad was not his body. my dad was a life force, a spirit, a soul. And it was so obvious that that had gone to another place, to heaven. So we're not our bodies. Some of my dad's awards and achievements were in his house.

17:11And those weren't still there, but my dad wasn't. So we're not our achievements. We were in my dad's house. His car was in the garage. but they weren't my dad. They weren't my dad because they were still there and my dad was gone. So we're not our accumulations. We're not our achievements. When Jesse Lee died, she had problems and worries and concerns like you do right now. And my dad, when he passed away, had worries and concerns and fears. Those, those were still there, but my dad wasn't. So we're not our worries and our fears. My dad had made mistakes in his life. So did Jesse Lee. So have I.

17:57My gosh, I'm certainly looking at those right now. We're not our mistakes. We're not our sins. So if we're none of those things, you can't take your accumulations with you. You can't take your body with you. You can't take your problems with you. You can't take your worries and fears and emotions with you. You can't take your mistakes or your sins with you. So who are you? You're a spirit. You're a soul. So you can't take those things with you. So what do you actually leave here? Because you can leave something here. You can leave something here. You do leave something here. And it occurred to me, my dad left me here.

18:39My dad left my mom and my sisters and his grandchildren. There's a little part of my dad in me now. That life force, that spirit, that soul is within me. there's a little bit of Jesse Lee that's within me. I carry her dreams. I carry her heart. I carry part of her spirit. I carry part of her love. I carry my belief in her, how proud I was of her. There's a part of her with me. We are the accumulation of these people that we love. And when we leave here, what we leave is a part of ourselves with them, a part of that life force. Our soul goes to heaven, but we leave a part of our life force, our spirit, our love, our belief, our memories in those people.

19:19My dad left me those memories, those experiences, that part of his soul, his goodness, his judgment, his light, his belief in me, his pride for me and about me. And so I am Jesse Lee. I am Edward Michael Joseph Milet Jr., not just Edward Michael Joseph Milet III. You leave that with you. You leave that here. So you got to ask yourself, when you have your one more day like my dad had, or you were left with two more days like Jesse Lee was told she had, who do you want to be in those moments? Because let me tell you something, my friend. Someday you'll have two more days. Someday you'll have one more day.

20:06Someday Ed Milet's going to have one more day. What do I want to leave here? What do I want to leave? I'm not focused today on the things I can't take with me. I'm not focused on my body and how ripped and jacked or healthy or not healthy I am. That's not today's podcast. We can cover that on another one. I'm not here to talk about getting wealthy and climbing the mountain and achieving your dreams. That's the other podcast. I'm not talking about your problems or your morning routine or any of that stuff because you can't take any of that with you, although they matter. I'm talking about the things that really matter today, people.

20:42People matter, things don't. What can you leave here with you? And what do you want to leave here? And those final moments for you someday, and you don't know when it's coming. Do you think Jesse Lee this time last year when she said, please be my coach, thought in one year I won't be here? I remember when she was in the hospital, she says, Ed, they've told me I won't make it to October. I'm not going to make it to October. She said that on the podcast that they had told her that. That was impossible to comprehend. And we have this thing where we think everybody else is going to die. We're not.

21:18But someday, I don't know when it is for you or me. It could be in a week, a month, a year, 30 years. But I know time's running out on me. I know time's running out on you. I know you're here for a flicker. I know in my case, man, I just yesterday, I was getting turning 16, hoping to be able to drive. Just yesterday, I graduated college. Just yesterday, I got married. Just yesterday, my first baby was born. Now I wake up and both my kids are out of the house. I wake up, I'm 52 years old, like a flicker, like a blink, like a blink. Time's running out on me. I don't care if you're 18 years old, time's running out on you.

21:55Who do you want to be when you have two more days left? What do you want to have given, experienced, felt, the emotions, the memories, the contribution, the life force you put in other people, the legacy you leave, the difference you've made? What do you want to leave here? Today's podcast is not about all the things you can't take with you. It's about the things you can leave here, the things that matter, you, your soul, your spirit, who you are as a man or a woman. I tell you all the time, you were born to do something great with your life. God made you in his image and likeness to do something awesome with your life, regardless of what you believe religiously.

22:34That's not what this is about today. I believe in the quantum and energy and vibration like you can't get over. I also believe there's a heavenly father that created all of this, that died for our sins. Whatever you believe, you believe. But what do you want to leave here? What's that life force? Because someday, by the way, maybe you've lost somebody. Maybe when you were a little boy or a little girl, that was the one coach or grandma or uncle or auntie or your mom or your dad or a teacher who just made you feel special. Picture their precious face right now. Picture them. You know who I'm talking about?

23:08Let me tell you something. They were right. The rest of the world's been wrong about you. They were right. And you felt it when you were a little girl or a little boy. They made you feel that thing. They were right. Prove them right. If they're still here, show them. Make them proud of you. If they're gone like my dad is, like Jesse Lee is, honor them with who you're becoming. Not who you used to be. You're not your past. You can't take your past with you when you leave here. You're not your mistakes, your sins, your failures, your setbacks. You're none of that crap. Quit hanging that stuff over your head.

23:42Quit using it as a weapon against you. Time's running out. Who gives a crap? Who cares who hurt you? Who cares the mistake you made? Who cares the thing you're ashamed of? Who cares you haven't done it yet? Who cares? It's not going to matter in the end. It's not going to matter with two days left. It's not going to matter with one day left. It's not going to matter with one hour left. What's going to matter? Who's going to matter? And by the way, you matter.

24:09Listen to this, Corinthians 5, verse 6 through 8, 2 Corinthians 5, verse 6 through 8. Listen to this. So we are always confident because we know that while we are living in the body, We are away from our home with the Lord. We're not our body. We live by faith and not by sight. We live by faith and not by sight. Right now, maybe you can't see a way out. Maybe right now you don't see a future. Maybe right now you don't see anything that's hopeful. We live by faith and not by sight. We are confident and we would prefer to leave the body to be home with the Lord. I've read this so many times of myself this last day because she's home.

24:49My dad's home. Someday you'll be home. Again, let me read it to you. So we are always confident because we know that while we are living in the body, we are away from our home with the Lord. We live by faith and not by sight. We are confident and we would prefer to leave the body and to be at home with the Lord. 2 Corinthians 5, 6 through 8. She's home. And I'm going to keep reminding myself of that. She's home. But you and I are still here. what do we want to do with it who do we want to become which we want to see and feel and experience and give and who matters start focusing on those who if there's something you need to fix with someone go fix it humble yourself and fix it time's running out time's running out those are my thoughts today jesse lee i want to tell you i love you and i'm so proud of you I'm so happy for you.