The Secret to Winning in Life: Playing Hurt and Leading Strong! Feat. Deion Sanders

25:21The sinners were like, hey, man, God bless you, man. Tell me how you did it. Tell me how you stopped that Lamborghini from going 200. Tell me how you slowed everything down. it like yeah the church folks are like oh ain't no way in the world he could do that so no no what you're doing is talking on yourself you're telling that if you had all these things that you couldn't do it because you said i can't because you're thinking about the things because the things had me i didn't have them wow brother um i love you man that's one of my favorite I'm that's like I've done 600 episodes. That's one of my most treasured moments ever of doing a show right there.

26:03You're a good man. Thank you. Wow. You're most qualified in life to help the person or people you used to be. And that's why that's so profound because, because so much. No, hold on, hold on. Say that again. Cause that's profound. I never heard that. Say that again, please. You're most qualified in life to help the person or people you used to be. Wow That explains why I'm Passionate From the people that are broken That have done this, that have done that They may say People dislike them, disown them You know, ridicule them That's why I'm attracted To those type of people To help To help I just picked up On the street the other day just walking in the backpack it was snowing i'm like brother get in what's wrong with you it's five degrees what is wrong with you he's like coach prime like hey man i got time for that right now where you need to go where do you need to go because i'm taking you wherever did you really i mean that that's yeah that yeah that's beautiful yeah yeah me too i always wondered why am i so called to this work and it's not even something i came up with someone said it to me a while back and I'm like, you just explained me to me maybe for the first time.

27:20I got to get it now. I got this thing on my heart where I want to, you know, I was broken. I'm still broken, but I'm a little less broken, you know? And so I want to help broken people. You know, I want people, I didn't have hope at one time. I want to give people hope. I wasn't always inspired. I know what it's like to be a liar and live the wrong way. And I, you know, I want to help people are doing that and anyway i just i watch you and i understand why the people close to you have such reverence like constance our mutual friend she's told me for years like i wish you knew this man he reminds me of you number one but number two his heart is so good and i'm getting that now like i'm really grateful that i'm getting a chance to i mean everybody gets to listen in on me talking to you for an hour is what i feel like right now and uh yeah you're you're you're good Good man.

28:06I think he's saying, I want to go through a couple more things because you're so loaded with gold. We don't have too much more time. I've got about 15 minutes. But it's weird that you say this because I've said this term forever. Always ask when I go talk to teams, I'll say, who's the rabbit on this team? Who's the rabbit? Wow. What I mean by that person, when I say it, you say a little bit different, but what I mean by that is on every team, if it's a company or a sports team, there's a rabbit. It's the person who sets the pace. It's the person that everyone's chasing their effort. Everybody, I know, I can tell you right now, I'm a college baseman when I played.

28:37I know exactly who our rabbit was, is our little second baseman, Trini Ruiz, shortest dude on the team, 5 '6", just outworked everybody. Every time I'd show up early, this dude was there before me. I'd leave BP an hour after everybody else. Trini's walking back in the batting cage. You know what I mean? He was the rabbit. And you talk in life about having, what's your rabbit? I love the way you say this. What's it mean for you? First of all, I'm from Florida. So we had dog tracks growing up in Florida. And if you ever been to a dog track, these beautiful greyhounds, beautiful lean. You can see their muscles.

29:14They're in the chutes and they let them out. And it's a rabbit that runs around the inside of that rail. They never catch the rabbit. But the rabbit is the gold. The rabbit is something they're chasing. And I'm asking you, what's your rabbit? Because we're all chasing something, man. Whether it's popularity, whether it's love, whether it's reconciliation, whether it's finances, we're all chasing something. And when I say, what's your rabbit? I'm sitting up there saying. This helps us discover our why, because when I meet these young men for the first time and we're recruiting them, they think they're recruiting me, but I'm recruiting them.

29:51Can you fit with us? What's your why? I need to know your why, your rabbit. and some of them can't understand that or can't reconcile what I'm saying, and it's that thing that keeps going that gets you up in the morning. See, I was seven years old, and I told my mom I was going to be rich. I was going to make a lot of money, and you're never going to have to work another day of your life. She said, yeah, okay, until the end, go get the lawnmower and go out there and cut the grass. I said, cool, I got you. That's how my mama get down. That's who she was, true story. But that was my rabbit. my mama never saw me play a football game a baseball game or basketball game in high school because she was working she worked she worked the night shift she worked me she never now she saw me play peewee ball because it was on Saturdays but she never saw me play throughout high school so she reading the papers and this guy's doing this college is getting that I said mom what you think I should do about college she said I don't give a damn where you're going you're getting up out of him.

30:49You're getting up out of him. I don't care where you go. You're getting up out of here. So I'm like, I can't let this continue. And she having this life, ends never met. They never really saw each other. And I could do better. I could do better. I could help her. And that was my rabbit, man. So I never stopped to this day. My mother has not worked since 1989 when I signed the dotted line for the Atlanta Falcons. And she would never, ever work another day of her life because that was my rabbit and that's still my rabbit. My mother lives with me. Like, so every time I go home and see her, I'm like, that's my rabbit.

31:26I'm still chasing that. I'm still trying to catch it, making sure I fulfill my promise when I say she's never going to have to work another day of life. That's my rabbit. That's my rabbit. Sad way to go through life if you don't have a rabbit. You know. You got to have a rabbit, man. It's got to be something that, yeah. And you got to see it. don't don't say oh i want to be the president you got to be able at least to see it don't just fantasize that's a fantasy i'm just talking about the rabbit see the rabbit in the dog track they they may not have been able to smell it they can see it they can see it you got to be able to see it man what a huge point oh my gosh because people get these big huge dreams i'm like you probably just catch your next rabbit right that's the one thing on the dog track they do keep it pretty close to the dogs it's not so far in front of them that the dog thinks they can't catch it You can't attain it.

32:16It's not that far out that you can't attain it. It goes steadily and slowly that you could almost grasp it. That's why they put the muzzles on because they're scared that somebody's going to catch it. Somebody's going to catch it. So let me just cover your face up with a muzzle just in case you catch it and bite it. And I don't want that. I just want you to catch that rabbit. I've always wondered. I'm just sitting here going, my gosh, this is so good. Like, I wish we could do like nine hours of this. Like, I'm blown away by how good this is. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.

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33:36When did making plans get this complicated? It's time to streamline with WhatsApp, the secure messaging app that brings the whole group together. Use polls to settle dinner plans. Send event invites and pin messages so no one forgets Mom's 60th. And never miss a meme or milestone, all protected with end-to-end encryption. It's time for WhatsApp. Message privately with everyone. Learn more at whatsapp.com. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. Tim Grover, welcome back to the show, brother.

34:15Thank you so much. You ever work with, I'm just curious, I've never asked you this even privately. So let's take Kobe and Jordan, the two physically phenomenally gifted dudes, mixed with all the things that you have in the book about winning. If you want to think like Kobe Bryant and what Tim Grover did, read the book. If you want to think like MJ and the things that you learned from MJ and then that you took to another level, read the book, right? Did you ever work with a guy, don't say who, I know you wouldn't, but did you ever work with someone as physically gifted as either one of the two of them that just lacked these things and so as a result we don't know who they are?

34:46Numerous. Really? As physically gifted? Even more. Wow. Even more. They were by far not my most physically gifted athletes. I work with athletes that were jumped higher than MJ, who ran faster, who had better footwork than Kobe but Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant were not the two most physically gifted athletes you've worked with no whoa okay and then so when you would work with these guys and you'd be pushing them in training there was a different resistance or fatigue or how was it different you know what and how many times have you had people come up to you and says I'll do anything to get where you're at right all the time or I'll do anything to work for you until you tell them what your definition of anything is.

35:30Your definition of anything is different than my definition of anything. I'll have an athlete, it's very simple. When I first start with them, when I was training numerous, what time's the first workout? I'd say 3.30. I'd be like, okay. It's 3.30 a.m. A.m. I wouldn't tell them a.m. or p.m. I'd tell them 3.30. Okay. So we're, myself, my staff, we're sitting at waiting because you know winning doesn't sleep and it doesn't understand why you why you do that's awesome so then we come back we go they roll in the gym about 3, 3.30 like what are you doing here they're like you said 3.30 no no I said you got the wrong time and I said when does a new day start and they look at me and he goes no I said no the new day starts at 12 midnight that's right that's a new day all right what are you waiting for and even if you tell them hey mj did this kobe did this if they don't have it they don't have it they don't have it you think it's a lack of obsession like you said you've referenced a couple times like sleep at night your bed doesn't sleep and all that one of the things that i'll be there's a lot in the book that hit me and you guys go get the book winning tim grover real simple Get it anywhere books are sold.

36:53But there's this part of the book, man, like it almost made me cry audibly reading it. But I did get water in my eyes and I might get water even explaining it to you where you're talking about being asleep and that you get these visitors at night. And I know those visitors very, very well. I have them, too. It's attached to my obsessions. And I don't think the average person who wants to really win understands the extent and degree of obsession required. They don't. So can you elaborate on that, visitors, that you get at night? Everybody thinks obsession is a bad word. It's not. I love to use the people I...

37:34You're a great example. Ed, why? Why keep going? Look at the house. not only this house the other house and the other house and the plane and if people pay very close attention to what was just said probably about 20 minutes ago what did you say i don't consider my i don't know if i consider myself a winner that's obsession that's obsession and i love to use your plane story as an example you went from a very nice sized plane to even a bigger plane, but it's still not your 747. That's right. That's true. It's not your 747. Yeah. All right. That's an obsession. That's a healthy obsession. That's what gets you out of bed.

38:26That's what allows you to, when you get out of bed, when all the skeletons are lined up next to you and telling you, you can't do this. You're not able to do this. You're not able to do this. You get up every single morning and you shake their hands and give them a hug and say, Yep. What do you got for me tonight? Exactly. I got you. Because you're a part of me. You're a part of me. And people put some, it's funny, winners bring all of them wherever they go. And most individuals, the best part of them, the thing that allows them to win, the thing that allows them to be obsessive, the thing that allows them not to care what other people think, the things that allow them to deal with hatred, the things that keep them going when nothing else will, they keep in their closets.

39:19The best part of them, they keep in there because they're worried, what are people going to think about me if I let those things out? don't I always say this all right no everyone says I'm afraid to become that person yeah you should be more afraid not to become that person be afraid not to become that person you you're a big thing about this you know meet uh I want to what at the end of the journey yeah you know I want to meet my better half and say hey what did you leave behind or was like hey this is the person shake hands with them

40:06if you can't become that person you're never going to be able to shake that person's hand yeah I'd much rather I live in more fear of I live in way more fear of not becoming that person than I am about not trying to be him big time but I do have I want to stay on this for a minute I get these visitors at night too that you get so I don't want people to think that winning is all like rosy and glory and beautiful. It's nothing. It's really not. And I'm not even, you have to know this. Here's the real, I've never said this on the show. You have to really know these truths so that you can actually decide you still want to win.

40:49Yes. Right? Because what does come with becoming this way now at 50 and you're 56? 56. 56. You look great. I've had 50 years of having these visitors in my life. And they're not going away, Ed. That's what everybody wants to do. People just want to sweep them under the rug. They want to keep them in the closet. They don't want to talk about them. That's what makes you successful. That's what makes you special. That's what makes you different. And what do we say? Different scares people. Winners and winning scares people. and they don't want to win because of that. They're trying to win. They're trying to balance.

41:30They're trying to fit in. What do winners do? Very few of them have balance in their life. Maybe after they become successful, they try to balance a little bit more. All right. There is no balance early. They don't care what other people think. They're extremely obsessive. They know it. and they don't mind telling you that they're chasing the next win because that's what fuels them. But when you, people come to you and say, you've had enough, you've had, you know, why? Slow down, slow down, unwind. I don't know about you. I do know about you. I should say that. we are at our most uncomfortable when people tell us to unwind we like to be wound up we we like that that's like a part of that's we have our we have our unique ways of unwinding we don't need anybody to tell us to unwind my favorite way of unwinding is having some tequila with a buddy of mine who's another winner and talking about doing more winning right i was on andy's show and i said winning is more fun than fun is fun i remember that and i just really believe that like what is actually what I like like I like the pursuit of winning I like the I like I like that I sincerely don't feel that way about myself because I'm scared if I did like I'm scared of these visitors that I have are my fears my worries my hopes my thoughts my skeletons yeah you know they take all those forms they take all those forms and you don't know what form they're going to take that night.

43:11And you know what? They're going to sit at you with the table. They're all, they're not going to, I put this in a book. When you travel, those skeletons are traveling with you on the plane. They're my constant companion. All the time. And if you notice, everyone looks at you and you fly on that plane alone. I've said, Ed's never been on that plane alone. It's true. It's true. He's never been on that plane alone. They're with me all the time. All the time. And you know what? When they look at his tequila bottles on the thing and they're finished that's because they're drinking the best stuff also i wonder who's drinking all that stuff man stuff gets expensive i just love this because this is the realest conversation i've ever had about really winning and it's the realest book about it like like it's i don't this isn't one of these pollyanna things like it's not all rosy no there's a lot of it that sucks and like unless you want to sign up and by the way i don't know if you feel that I'm actually cool if you don't.

44:06Like if you actually said, Hey, I don't want all that stuff. I don't want to, I mean, I don't relate to you. I'm not going to hang out with you. You're not my kind of people, but I'd actually admire somebody who says, I won't do these things that are in this book. And I know I'm not going to win rather than say, I want to win and do none of the things that are in the book. The people that can admit it, they've already won. The people that said, this ain't, this ain't for me. This ain't for me. They're saying, they're saying they they know exactly who they are i'm good i'm good if you most people will settle for good most people will settle for okay all right very few people will settle for great very few people will sell for unstoppable very few people will settle for winning i break things down three different ways so look at this and i didn't put this in a book but i want to share i want to share this with you you have individuals that compete everybody competes you know that you know you play golf you love golf sure you know you go out and uh your golfing partner i don't know what's his real name his real name is kelly gwynn we call him richard cabesa yes dick cabesa is head in spanish i got it everyone that's wondering what that's his name because half the people don't know that's what richard everybody knows him he's going to be signing autographs he does he goes out there people like i love you in my latin man can i get your he's had people take pictures with him it's awesome you know so and i'll get into it a little bit later about that but there's people that compete.

45:33Everybody knows how to compete at something. And for most people, when they compete, they want to just finish. That's their way. They just want to finish. Now to me, if you're that level person, is that finish going to lead to another win? It might be in something else. If you're going to run a marathon, and you're not one of these top elite marathon runners, You're not going to win the marathon. Right. You're not going to win. But you have a mindset to say, hey, I'm going to finish this marathon. Now, is that when you finish that marathon, what else is it setting you up for? But there's people that go in there.

46:10They're just happy. They're just happy competing. They're just happy finishing. They're just happy to be in the race. Then you have people that win. Right. Once. They win once. Yeah. And how many individuals do you know? And you probably don't. Well, I shouldn't say this. I said, you know, not associate where there's a big difference.

46:32that keep telling you about that win over and over again, no matter how long it's spent. Gosh. Factoid. All right. I got it, man. You were quarterback in high school. Yes. I got it. You got your master's. I got it. I got it. All right. Then you have individuals that win at winning. That's really good. They win at winning. so they went over and over and over again you think it's you think it's all it's cracked up to be no but we don't know any other way best answer of all time very something everybody we just we don't know any other way best answer of all time we just we can't accept we can't accept it any other way we just can't i wrote a best-selling book i didn't have to do another book You wrote a best-selling book.

47:25Right. You know, you have another book coming out. You don't have to do any of this. But if you didn't, that would be more detrimental to you. You don't know any other way. Yeah. You just don't. Yeah. Yep. You think that, by the way, I'm loving this, just so you know, because I know people that might be listening to say, this is a little bit dark. Like, welcome to winning. Like, that's why you see so many people. I watch Nick Saban after he wins these national championships. He's gotten a little bit better out at the last couple of years. Yes. Yeah. Just a little bit. Just a little bit, like 1 % better.

48:12You know what? Either his wife or somebody in his family. At least smile for the interview after. Right. We can get back to work tonight. Right. But you watch these prolific winners. So I did love to watch MJ celebrate that win in the evening that he won. Right. Or, you know, the few times I saw Kobe actually celebrate the win. But I know the next day they're back to work. I watched a Saban and like for years, he'd win these national championships and you could already see the grimace on his face for the next year in the post game. In the post game. Yes. Right. And like, I think people look, they go, well, then is he and I think to your answer, you're right.

48:47Like people say, well, is he really enjoying this? Yes. And he knows no other way. So maybe it's not all, I wonder if you ask, is it all it's cracked up to be? I think some people might say, no, but it's all I know. And it's better than the alternative of living with losing the rest of my life or not trying. Yes. Right. There's a reason it's lonely at the top. And it's not because you want to be surrounded with other individuals. That's not the part people, when they talk about it's lonely at the top. It's alone because nobody understands what's going on in here of what you went after you've just won, what you went through and you're already thinking about the next.

49:36You're already thinking about the next and people can't comprehend that. And there's people whispering in your ear and they're saying, enjoy it, enjoy it. By the time they say enjoy it, you did enjoy it. Now you're already thinking. Yeah. Do you think it's the, I'm just thinking right now, I'm asking you this, because you watched this and you've done it in your own life. Like you've had two careers. You've had a career where you helped, which you still do, where you help other people win. And then there became this point in your life where you became, you were individually winning as a speaker, as a coach, as a writer.

50:09It's an interesting thing to watch with you. You were the behind the scenes guy. Then you weren't the behind the scenes guy. Do you think that it's like a dopamine thing? Like when they win, like they're already they have to get another one like a meat, like it's an addiction. Do you think winning becomes an addiction? It is an addiction. And the only place where you can get that high again is the black market in your mind. It's the only place because you only know where that entrance is. You only know where that hit is. You only know what that drug you only know what that drug is. And here's a crazy part about the next win has to be bigger.

50:44It has to be bigger. It has to be bigger. It has to constantly keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger. So true. It sounds like a sickness when you're listening to this, but I actually think it's beautiful. I actually think you were born to win and you learn over a lifetime how not to. As a child, don't do this. Sit down. Be a good boy. Get in your place. Do this. then the world starts treating you. And I think you move further and further away from your own nature. I think we were born to win. We were born to do something great with our life. I really, I don't know. That's a saying to me. And I feel a sadness when I meet somebody who's accepted a life of not winning.

51:24By the way, I'm cool with it. It's okay. I'm not judging you. But as someone who wants to pursue that expression of myself or that, I just wonder what I would be like, you know if i could what it would be like what i would be like if i could get to the next level i'm fascinated with like i think the people that i really like enjoy they're curious people like i want the next experience i don't want to live in the previous experience like that guy was like hey you know i made a million dollars in 2009 and it was like in the mortgage boom or the crash or whatever i'm not really interested in living in those in those times you're not because it's always about it's always about what's next it's always about constantly staying in the It's constantly about changing your mindset.

52:09The language of winning for people that win is completely different than the language of winning from other individuals. You sit here and you talk to people and they describe, when I talk to all my athletes, I said, describe winning in one word to me. And everybody would think about, you know, they would be like, it's happy, it's, you know, it's euphoric, it's all those things. And it is. But those constant winners, their answers were, it's unpolished. It's uncivilized. It's nasty. It's hard. It's dirty. It's unforgiving. And then Kobe comes up and says, it's everything. It's everything. And if you think about it, and very few people are genuine about this.

53:02and you know the ones that are and you know the ones that aren't. How do you feel when somebody's really close to you and they win? It's an unbelievable feeling. Unbelievable feeling. How do you feel when you win? It's an unbelievable feeling. Even though it's short-lived. How do you feel when your kids win? It's unbelievable. Yeah. All right. That feeling is everything. It is everything. that feeling is everything it's amazing you just said that I'm reading the book last night and I call my wife about halfway through the book because when you read your work you know even in the first book most caught you've talked about in this book the most controversial part of the first book was the dark side yes you talk about it in this book and then when you're reading this you're like this winning things mean this winning things unforgiving this winning thing doesn't give a shit if you sleep this winning thing doesn't care right like you go through like she's almost and I and if you're not careful guys you would think because this is truth it flies in the face everything you always hear but you would you would think that it's not something that you really want and the evidence of it I said to my wife last night I said the evidence that you know winning is where you belong is how happy you are when you see your children doing it if you have children when your children win a spelling bee or get straight A's or hit a home run or win a golf tournament or do anything exceptional the amount of joy you feel and pride when they win.

54:28I have a feeling that that's how God feels when he sees one of his children win. And I think this is something we all miss, that it is a grind. It is difficult. But if you ever wonder whether you belong winning and that's the path you should pursue, just ask yourself a question about your children, if you have them or your parents or anybody that you love and care about when they win, how do you feel for them? I literally said this last night. So I've heard you speak numerous times and what people don't know about this, like when we're on the stage together at the same event. I'll stay just to hear you speak.

55:00Vice versa, as you know. You know, I will stay. The last time I heard you speak was at an event and you were talking about a golf tournament you were with with your son. With Max, yeah. With Max. It's an intense story. Yeah, it was just like... We went from playing golf to winning. Yes. That was the decision. Like, to your point, like your book. And by the way, I've said this early in the interview, little words from people, a caring statement, a little bit of access to some information. And I've said this many times, just haven't said it to you, but like I thank you because, you know, I've had people say, oh, your son gets all your stuff.

55:34And yeah, he also has talked to Grover. He's also talked to Grover. And just so you guys know, I really truly believe that one of the reasons that my son is excelling is you and your information, little whispers you get, a little direct message, a little text message, a little access to a call like you've done for my son. And I think that's the other thing that people don't know. Winners are generous. extremely generous. You know why? Because they're truthful. They tell you how it is. It's not rainbows. It's not unicorns. It's not sprinkles. This is what it takes. This is what it takes. And other people, we talk about the stuff nobody else wants to talk about.

56:18Does that make us bad people? In many people's eyes, it does. But it also, where the few people that are going to hold you accountable, we're going to tell you the truth, and people are going to say, you know what? Everybody else sugar-coated it. These individuals told me exactly how it is. That's what the book Winning is about. Now, I don't want people to think that it's all this thing. If you read the last chapter of the book, it kind of ties everything in, and it explains why winners go through this journey. Yep. Why they go through this journey. Because I have this thing, it's like everyone talks about it's the journey.

57:01It's journey, it's not the destination. Well, to me, why in the hell are you taking the journey if you don't know where the hell the destination is? What are you just aimlessly going to be running around? All right. Every time, when you get on your plane or you get in your car, you know exactly you're going from here to here. Now, you may have to take a detour to go somewhere else to do whatever you're doing, but you're like, this is where we're going. You had a post a couple of days ago. Man, it's nice to own a jet because all of a sudden I got to go wherever, wherever your destination was. This man has now reached millions of people with his message and completely changed his life.

57:36So, Garen Jones, welcome to the show, my friend. Thank you for being brave, but brave enough to create a platform like this so stories like mine have wings. You talk a lot about returning to the Garen as a child and returning to being a child in our life. And that's where the answers really lie. And you say that adults are really deteriorated children. Yeah. Let's talk about that. You think about it. Think about Ed when he was small. Big dreams, big goals. I want to be the president or whatever it was. I want to be a superhero. Stronger than the average man. Abs like an action figure. save and change lives all over the world one i've never met a superhero who hasn't had to overcome something hard in order to obtain their powers but i didn't know this until i looked back and achieved all the the the the life nuggets that were that were just waiting for me to go and grab those superhero powers um the best way i can describe it is i felt more free more alive more more more zest more passion more bigness when i was around four or five years old and then when you span out and you look people working nine to five jobs getting paid less than their value calling another man or woman a boss asking for permission for things that you have the key to inside, I'm like, where is the, what's missing?

59:17Where's the gap? And how did it get to that point? When I look at my own life, what I thought was my dad abandoning me, what I thought was my mom, uh, not emotionally, uh, emotionally not being available, which she was in her the best way she knew how, but for me, oh, my mom's never there. She's always working. I thought that was abandonment but the original abandonment for me was when I abandoned my original dream the thing that I love to do I used to love to run I used to love to sing I used to love to to just blurt out and wear the kind of clothes that I wanted to wear and people like you're too big you're too small you're too this you're too that and little by little I abandoned who I really was to get approval, gosh, to fit inside of other people's construct of how they thought I should live my life.

1:00:12Wondering why I don't feel seen. I don't feel heard. All this, the people see me in the millions and all this stuff. I was like, there's something missing. well what was missing was I didn't tend to who I really really really was and I'm going to drive home this point anything that anybody had ever seen me even when I sold my book and sold those hundreds of thousands of copies and all this other stuff in the quiet of my mind I always knew it was 4 % 4 % of give out because I was afraid of the real me because I abandoned him and then I associated myself with with with like Gandhi and Nelson Mandela when I was 14 I was like there's something here I don't know what this is there's a version of you that's similar to that yes yes yeah you know what I said those are the type of people who get assassinated and I quit that version of me and tried to say if I do just enough just enough to not be seen a certain way or to disrupt other people and I'll being this small.

1:01:22But if my just enough is a little bit more than other people around me, great place to hide. You're right. I did it in sports. You know why I did it? You're brilliant. The reason I did it was if I give just enough, see, if you give all of yourself and then you lose or you're rejected, that's really painful. So the biggest risk is to give all of yourself because you may lose still and you may get rejected. So what I did is I played it close to the vest. I gave a good effort, but I didn't give all of me. So I always held a little bit back in the tank. And I think the real reason I did that is it wasn't the, that way if I was rejected.

1:01:51It wasn't all of me being rejected. This thing you said, I wasn't gonna go back. I abandoned the parts of me that I love the most to please other people. Yeah. Everybody hear that? Are you doing any of that in your life? And this notion you are onto something so big, we're reaching similar conclusions. I'm writing right now for my new book, a little bit about this returning to childhood thing too. And what I said earlier about, you know, I and me, who we define ourselves as is a collection of memories and stories of our life. That's all you really are. Why are we so, ask yourself if you're an adult listening to this, which is most of my audience.

1:02:22When's the last time you had an entire 24 hours of bliss? Like a whole day, just one day. How about three days in a row bliss, like real bliss? The vast majority, 99.9 % of adults would say, I can't remember that. I mean, total bliss. If I took you back to four or three, how many of those days did you have in a row? And I think it's because when we're three or four years old, we've not collected these stories. Yeah. We've not collected them. And as we collect them, they steal our bliss and our joy. You said something. I've not. I may have heard it this way, but you said actually one of the reasons, too, is that emotion is stored in the body.

1:03:03Yeah. And everyone just needs to just consider this for a minute. If you went through some kind of trauma or disappointment. Yeah. Or even if you just went through. A lot of people listen to the shows are like, well, my dad wasn't murdered. No one tried to kill me. Yeah. My dad, Ed Milets, was an alcoholic. I come from a pretty good family. Yeah. You know, one of the other big diseases in life is the middle. The middle. I almost think to some extent it's great to be raised by like amazing, wealthy family or whatever because then you got all these options and stuff. And kind of coming from screwed up families like me and you, there's an advantage to that because you kind of to some extent know what you don't want in your life.

1:03:38Yep. But the middle is like an asphyxiation of average. And so a lot of people's thing isn't trauma. It's like neutral. All their life's in the middle. And there's no bliss there because there's no catalyst to move from it. My guest today has a new book out called The Five Practices of Highly Resilient People. Why some flourish when others fold. And that is something we really are going to need to know a lot more of during this time. So, Dr. Taryn Marie Stasekul, welcome to the show. Finally, it's great to have you here. Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much for having me. It's such an honor. And I'm delighted to be here as your guest.

1:04:12The practice of vulnerability combined with what you would call shame bias and why sometimes there isn't vulnerability because there's a shame bias in our life. And so when adversity hits, you know, I've been I've lost my job. I had a business that failed. I embarrassed myself over here. My, you know, bankruptcy, divorce, whatever that thing may be, or even sometimes even an assault, something sometimes people in their life think I brought this on or whatever it might be. There's the shame attached with it. And one of the things you talk about is the practice of vulnerability. So that actually makes this event for the greater good.

1:04:48and everybody can grow from the adversity that you face. So I'll let you talk about it. I have so many things to say about this. Do it. I love it so much. Well, let me connect it up with something that I heard in your book first that I have also said publicly. I think it's a really powerful element. And I think it moves us out of being, I think it moves us out of feeling victimized by challenge and into an actor with agency. And so the thing that you say in your book is you talk about just changing the narrative, changing the language. And it's one word. It's changing the language from why is this happening to me?

1:05:28Right. I'm a passive recipient of what's happening to why is this happening for me? Meaning what am I meant to learn? What is this meant to teach me? So I love that you share that. One of the things that I've talked about. You're welcome. One of the things that I've talked about is this idea of story and narrative. Okay. Right? So our story is the series of events that have happened to us over time. Right? The narrative is the story that we tell about the story. Very good. Yeah? This is good. So I can look on, you know, just, we'll use me for an example, right? I can look on that experience with the stalker and the events that happened and the development of PTSD and the interplay with my parents and how supported or unsupported, you know, that I felt in that moment.

1:06:21And I can tell myself a lot of different narratives about what happened. And I think real power, you know, real sense of self-efficacy comes from being intentional about the narrative that we write. Right. So we can't change the things that happen to us. We're not responsible for the things that happen to us. I'm not responsible for this experience with the stalker. Healing is my responsibility. It's not my fault what happened. Healing is my responsibility, right? And so part of healing is looking at the story, looking at that series of events and saying, what narrative, what story about the story do I want to tell myself about that?

1:07:14And so I have, I can't change the events that happened, but I can tell myself a story that becomes my narrative that becomes true about my own sense of strength, my own sense of resilience, how I was able to thwart him breaking into the house or coming any further. how I was able to take care of myself in a moment when I didn't feel like anyone else was showing up for me and how I sought treatment and help for the PTSD that I had developed as a result. So good. And the reason that matters is that once you've created this, by the way, I love the distinction between story and narrative. The reason that matters is that this narrative drives your perspective.

1:07:58So in your life, the reticular activating system, which I talk about in the book, once you believe something deeply, your mind is going to go to prove you right it's going to find the people places and things and circumstances that prove you to be right you will literally begin to see here and feel these things and so that narrative really matters and by the way i think you'd agree with this there may be circumstances in your life where you are responsible and part of the narrative you need to tell yourself is you are responsible for the results in your life it's important to tell a true story but the meanings that matter.

1:08:31In other words, if you've consistently had relationships fail, perhaps it's time to look at the narrative and say, who's the common character in all of these stories? Me. I'm responsible for my parts of these relationships. And so that story, you got to be really, your word is so powerful, I think, is intentional about it. Because one, it's got to serve you. It's got to empower you. But it's also got to be something that helps grow you. And if you constantly, like in your case, you clearly were not responsible in that situation. But we do have events of our lives where we are responsible and to not accept that as part of our narrative that we never take responsibility.

1:09:07The business failure wasn't my fault. The relationship failure wasn't my fault. The fact that I've gained weight isn't my nothing's my fault. I'm not responsible for anything. That's a narrative. A lot of people go through life and they find proof of it to prove they're right. A belief is like a table with no legs under it. Once you have a belief and what your mind does is it goes to find the legs under the table to build references so that that table becomes more and more stable. And if you're not careful, eventually that thing can't move. And so that's why this narrative really matters so much.

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1:10:37That was a great conversation, and if you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow The Ed Milet Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. I have the man to my left here today. He's one of the most inspirational figures in the world, author, motivational speaker, thought leader, somebody that I'm very proud to call a friend of mine, former NFL football player, Baylor football player, wonderful father and husband, Trent Shelton's here with me today. Hey man, thanks man, I appreciate that. Thank you for being here. Glad we could connect, man, I've been waiting for this for a long time.

1:11:07Let's talk some more about family stuff for a second, because you and I are both, let's help people, what I love about today is like every story helps someone, and that's what's great about your content too, that you that you put out all the time but you and i are both sharing in something right now that we both come from great families and my dad right now so people also listen to this they're going through something there's a struggle or a challenge in their life that's serious right maybe it's not that big but you made it big and in our case it is big so my dad right now uh is fighting cancer and my dad is uh my hero right i got a wonderful dad too and and uh yet every day hey, I get up and work and win and produce, and I don't use that as an excuse.

1:11:46I'm honoring my dad with my life. And your mom's also got cancer right now, too. Can you talk a little bit about, you know, whatever you want to share about that, but also, like, how do you deal with it? How do you continue to get up every day when I'm sure it gets you down? Yeah, it's hard, man. I don't know if I have it all figured out with how to deal with it, you know? I'm still trying to figure that out, but, you know, it is by surprise. I mean, and just to kind of paint the picture of who my mom is, my mom is responsible for my dad's faith. my faith. You know, she's the warrior of our family.

1:12:16And out of nowhere, she's just started feeling weak. She went to the doctor. Her mother, my grandmother, passed away a year before. So I think a lot of stress has something to do with that. Passed away from cancer. She went to the doctor and she had cancer. She had breast and liver cancer, stage four. They gave her six months to live without treatment, with treatment, maybe, you know, it's not a guarantee, of course. She goes through the treatment and what hurts the worst is seeing somebody you love like change yes you know and it's like man let me i'm i'm the strong one give it to me let me take it and it was hard because you know i saw my mom's faith start to weaken you know and um i remember being with her at the barbershop she went to my barber i get edge up she's like he's dreads how's he get his haircut i was just wondering that and so we're at the barbershop and you know she wanted the barber to come to the house because she was so as a woman you know you're losing your hair and she's like i don't want to go i said mom just go just own it just go because the only way you're going to get through it is if you own it we can't run from it we got to face that battle and she's in the she's in the chair and she's crying and i have to do my best to be strong for her and not show that i'm crying inside and uh lost her hair and to make this story a little bit more bright the sixth month on halloween she went back to the doctor and she got a report that she was cancer free.

1:13:39So she went through her post-treatment and, uh, you know, just sitting in that room, man, with people going through there. Yes. It's tough. It changes you, doesn't it? It gives you perspective. It makes you realize that it makes you grateful just for having health. It does. I mean, it made me turn my health to another level, man. And, um, she went through that process and her post-treatment and she rung the bell, you know, they have a bell that she rings and I actually put them on my Instagram and we're celebrating. But that day she said, I feel weak. Like, something's not right. And I'm like, Mom, you're all right.

1:14:10Like, you just, it's in your head. You're fine. The doctor said, you're fine, Aqua, because my mom is a, she's not a drama queen, but she can be over the top, you know? You know, and she said, no, I want to go to the doctor. So she went to the doctor. Make a long story short, she got re-diagnosed with brain cancer. Oh, no. And at that moment, it hit me, man. Yeah, of course. You know, I honestly, my faith started to question God. Like, I'm doing all this for people and, like, what's going on? Like, my mom is so great. Why her? And in that moment, I just remember my mom always told me, don't say, why God?

1:14:48You know, say, why not me? And I knew my mother at that moment. It was a bigger purpose than her pain she was going through. Yeah. And so many people in her journey has been strengthened, and she's currently fighting her journey to this day. She's getting better. but it tore me apart man it tore me and it still tears me apart I'm sorry to hear that because I relate so I know your face looks like my face when you talk about it right it's interesting though it's interesting how and I don't have all the answers either but I do know that my dad's cancer and in your mom's case it has given me perspective about my own relationships my own health my own gratitude and then here's the other thing maybe you haven't considered your mother's cancer just helped millions more people right now through you that's right it's amazing that god might choose you or me to have these situations so we have these platforms to be able to express the important things about life because it's hard in situations this difficult how in the world is this happening for me yeah and not to me right or happening for mom and not to mom but it's it's amazing how god can take one life and use that life to transform millions of other people's lives and he chooses average people all the time and I don't mean to be spiritual with you I don't care what your faith is what your religion is but in almost every faith and almost every religion and in our my religion and Christianity which I believe is yours as well the Lord took 12 average people it took them to transform the world right and in every religion you'll find that average ordinary people and sometimes people from deficient backgrounds whether poor people or people from broken families are always utilized to make great things happen And I believe that the Lord's chosen you and your mom to make a difference with this.

1:16:24And so thank you for Bill and Willen to share that. No problem, man. Because everybody listening to this, we're all going through this journey together. We're just here to help express the way we're getting through it with you. So thank you so much for that. I want to ask you a question, though, about this rehab thing. Yeah. There are people listening to go, I want to do this. And I do need to start to accept myself better. I do need to start to, you call it self-love, like myself more, appreciate myself more, have more confidence, whatever it is. but I've got 20 years, I'm 20 years old, I got 20 years of not doing it.

1:16:53Or I got 25 years of not doing it, or 30 years of not having confidence, not loving myself, not believing in myself. What would you say to me, what could be something practically that I could do, a step, something that you do, that can start that process of turning that around? Any practical step, any thought, any idea for them? As far as them... Turning that negative process for 20 or 30 years into like, okay, how do I, like, I want to change it. I got it. I got to love myself. I got to like myself or I got to have more confidence. How? Yeah. I would say, first of all, you have to own it. That's the first step.

1:17:26You will never heal what you're in denial from. It doesn't work at all. You know, some of us, we try to mask it. We try to tuck it in. We try to suppress it. And one of the things that I love to say, suppression will lead to depression. So own it. That's the first thing. Own it that, okay, hey, embarrass yourself. You know, that's one of my things for 2019. I I want to embarrass myself. I want to tell people, hey, I'm not the smartest guy in this. Hey, I don't have it all figured out. It's cool. I lack confidence for 20 years. Who cares? You know how many people have lacked so many things for so many years that turned it around?

1:17:56Like you're one decision, one choice away and a commitment away from changing your life. So first of all, own it. The second thing I would tell you to do is get around a growth environment of people that help you build it. Must change your environment. Yeah, it's simple. I mean, if you took a flower, right, you can say the most beautiful flower in the world. You took that flower, you put that flower in the wrong environment. What's going to happen to that flower? It's going to die. Right. It's going to wither away. And so look at your life as that flower. Right. Change your environment. When a flower doesn't blossom, we don't blame the environment.

1:18:27We don't blame the flower. What do we do? It's the environment. We change the environment. So if you're not growing, take a look at the people around you. And like I said, don't feel guilty for recognizing your worth. Don't feel guilty for wanting to better your life. Yes. Don't feel guilty for, as I like to say, making the world respect your greatness. So get around that. And then I would tell you to start with what you can control. Find one thing that you can control that's totally in your control. It doesn't depend on how many people like your post or anything. What's one thing that you can control and become consistent with it?

1:19:00Consistency will change your life. I'm not the most talented speaker, right? I'm not the most talented whatever, but I'm the most consistent at living my purpose. I've been doing this for a decade. Right? And so be consistent. And I promise you, over time, consistency will make you a go-to person. I could not answer that better. I completely agree with you. I want to use one or two words differently in the identical sequence of it. Right. I want to just add on to what you just said there, everybody, about environment. Okay, what is environment? You know, by the way, environment can be a group you join.

1:19:29It can be a coaching group. It can be new friends. It can be a new company, a new business. But it also can be, I have a community in the Max Out community. You have the rehab community. That's right. So your associations are these communities. You're posting regularly. If you're commenting in these communities, if you participate in Instagram Lives or listening to the podcast, that's part of changing your environment. You don't give yourself enough credit, everybody. You are changing your environment by virtue of listening to this today. That's right. This audio or this video you're watching is in your current environment.

1:19:59And so you can have all of these associations through different ways, books you read, things of that sort shift your environment dramatically. Tim Grover the author of this incredible book that we're gonna talk about today relentless Tim thanks for being here brother thank you partner appreciate you thank you so good to have you here what was the lesson for you from that well it's just like listen you do whatever is necessary just because you have this kind of status somewhere else doesn't mean you're always going to have it hmm you're not always going you're not always gonna have it and this is the one thing that's I find very interesting is when people become successful okay they always say, I don't do that anymore.

1:20:35Well, what do you mean you don't do that anymore? You should do that and then some. What do you mean you don't do that anymore? The most successful people know and can do it all. All right. Can do it all. Okay. Michael, you know what? He never, when he played, he would go around, pick up the towels in the gym after practice, put the basketball, put the basketball, Michael Jordan, Michael Jordan. Colby did the same thing, Put the basketballs away, all right? Just do whatever you're supposed to do. He packed his, got his own game gear together. You know, now people have these stylists and so forth.

1:21:13They put their clothes together. Michael put his own stuff together. It's just like handled his own tickets. Kobe did the same thing. So it's just like, hey, just because I'm now the superstar, all right, I still have to do the things that got me there because it reminds me of what I did and what it took to get to this level. You built this background of yours. You go get your education. And how in the hell do you go from being a D2 basketball player? I was actually a D1 basketball player. D1, okay. Mid-major, small school, but still Division I. No, D1. So you were a really good player then. Okay, so you were the real deal.

1:21:47Okay, so you're a really good player. So you go through that. You get your education. You start in business. Does ATT &CK Athletics now exist at that time? No, no. I'll tell you, I get my master's degree. I get a job at a health club. So, minimum salary for everybody in here, my minimum salary when I started day one was $3.75. Big bucks. Big dollars. With a master's degree now. With a master's degree. All right. But what I was fortunate enough to understand is like, okay, even though I have the education and it's up in here, I haven't really learned or mastered my craft on how to apply it. Wow.

1:22:26Okay. So get a job in a health club. Start training people in a health club. Everybody from women, children, overweight, whatever they needed. Learned, made mistakes, figured things out, got my craft, got really, really, really honed in on understanding how the body moves, how to get results here, how to do this. but then I was like you know I'm only using 10 % of what I learned because you know people come in where they work on I want to lose weight right yeah that's a you know that's first thing you know I got a lot got too much around the midsection I want to lose weight you know I get my thighs are too big whatever it is so okay all right here's a program this is what you do this is what goes on here it is but I had so much knowledge in there I was like you know how can how can I do this I want to apply it with athletes and so forth so I kind of started a little training program, you know, working with the kids and so forth, just making sure I knew what I was doing.

1:23:26And then I saw an article in the paper said how Michael Jordan was tired of taking the physical abuse from the Detroit Pistons. And he wanted to, he wanted to get stronger. So I reached out. The bad boys, they were beating them up back in the day. Yes. So I reached out to the team physician who was Dr. John Heffern at the time and the athletic trainer who was Mark File. and I reached out to them. I said, hey, this is my background. This is what I do. And fortunately enough, I was able to make contact with them. They brought me in and this process lasted for almost six months. They drilled me on questions and made sure I wasn't somebody that was just BSing them.

1:24:06Made sure I knew exactly what I was talking about. And they said, you know what, you might be you might be a good fit so they made an arrangement for me to meet michael i met michael at his house we went through this whole discussion thing and you know michael said i'll give you 30 days 30 days turned into 15 years oh my god you know wow because you you you got this other career how many guys have the guts to even make the phone call to them i mean was this like a dream you had I want to get with professional athletes. I always told people when they said, so when I got my degree, my bachelor's degree back then, it was PE slash kinesiology.

1:24:48Okay. So, everyone, you know, PE is, oh, you're going to be a gym teacher. No, I'm going to train professional athletes. Somebody else will be, oh, you're going to be a gym teacher. No, I'm going to train professional athletes. So if you keep telling yourself something over and over again, you start to believe it. But once you start to believe it, you got to figure out the path to make it happen. And most people, you know, they'll tell themselves something. But then when they got to go through that path, that path is not straight. OK, usually that path goes down first. Yes. OK, and I have a saying.

1:25:20I said, you know, the road to paradise starts in hell. Yeah. It does. That's where that's where it starts. All right. So many people aren't willing to do that. No, they're not. You know what? Here's the thing. I deliver a different message. I deal with the truth. It's a true one. I just didn't say it at the same time. It's a true one. I deal with truth and I deal with reality. And you know what happens? People don't want to hear the truth. They don't want to deal with reality. Why? Because it's too tough. Everyone has the ability to change the story. You know, when we were talking about coolers, closers, and cleaners, you know, we talk about, hey, you talk about a cooler.

1:26:00A cooler is an individual that loves to tell stories. They love to tell stories. All right. They're the individual. Everyone's picturing coolers right now. So, you know, they got a stack of books on the shelf and, you know, they read every self-help book. And one minute they're following this person on Instagram. And the next minute they're listening to somebody else. They're always looking. They're always looking for that quick fix. All right. Cleaners have the ability to change the story. You know how difficult it is to change a story? But in order to change a story, you've got to put something on the line.

1:26:36People are afraid to put things on the line. You put literally your whole reputation on the line to get in with these guys. And you spent 15 years with this guy. 15 years with this guy. But the greatest athlete out there, you know, and people say, oh, it's never going to happen. He doesn't need any help. But you know what I've learned is, you know why Tom Brady is so freaking good? All right. because he's willing to seek out help no matter how good he is. And he lets the people around them do their job. You know, people all of a sudden, people become experts in everything else. Listen, Michael Jordan's a basketball player.

1:27:15All right. He's like, I don't want to know what you're doing. Just do it. This is the result I need. Just do it. Kobe on the other hand you had to explain everything to him. He wanted to know the details. He wanted to know the details. I'm curious with both those guys, would you have to reel, the other part of it is they bust their ass and do the work, right? With those guys I would sense, tell me if I'm wrong, with your reel cleaners you almost have to reel in their work ethic, not reel it out of them. No, you're 100 % right on that. These are the guys you don't tell them to show up early, to take extra shots, to get in their treatments, this is what timing is.

1:27:53Well, these are the guys you got to say, hey, listen, enough. Yeah. You got to go. Yeah. You got to go. You've done more than you share. Come on. That's it. You got to reel them in. You got to reel them. But those are the individuals. You know what? The more successful you become, the small. It's funny. You see this in sports and you deal with a lot of athletes, you know, in a different realm. But it's funny. The more successful they become, the bigger their followers and entourage become. No question. All right. But you're real, real successful people. Their circles are so freaking small. Plot twist.

1:28:32We're turning the tables on me and I'm being interviewed by my dear friend, Jamie Kern Lima. Enjoy. God bless you. I wanted to ask you about something that I think has affected you. I know it's affected you, but so many people listening have this in their life and maybe they shove it in the back of their mind, but it's still there. And that is this idea of labels. And what I mean is like so many of us have had, maybe it's when we were a kid, someone called us a name or, you know, we're in a situation and someone says, oh, but you're, you're not smart enough or, or you don't have what it takes, or you're the wrong fit for this, or you don't come from the right family or, or this, that, the other thing.

1:29:13And a lot of times we then find ourselves as an adult and that label is like stuck and it's taken root and now it's sort of coming out in our lives and we haven't even thought about it in years but it's still there that that identity when you were i think it was eight eight years old you were called eddie spaghetti eddie spaghetti can you share how that happened and how you did or didn't let that label take root yeah i uh but i talk about this in the book a lot to is that and how to overcome it, which I have that part of me, I've leveraged into something pretty strong, but I talk about in the book that a lot of the beliefs we have about ourselves were installed in us, our identities, these thoughts and concepts we believe to be most true about us, our worth, they were installed in us when we were defenseless as kids.

1:30:02So it's like, be a good boy, be quiet, be a good girl. Don't do that. Don't make too much noise. Don't. And you, you start to just start to develop this identity when you're young. And then when you get out into the world, because you believe it you confirm it and then you gather more and more references for it before you know it you're 20 or 30 or 35 years old and it's who you are and you've proven it because of this your identity is the most powerful force in the world you're going to be consistent with it and most of what you believe about yourself you weren't in control of believing it was put there when you were a child well same with me so you have this combination of this kid who's at home things aren't real stable there most of the time sometimes i feel like i overcook that too because it when it was good.

1:30:42It was very loving. And the other thing is I had this loving mother a hundred percent of the time, right? A hundred percent of the time and great grandparents and lots of great stuff, but there was this thing, right? So you have that anxiety going in chaos, going to school. I'm a little guy. Uh, I'm shy. I'm very, very shy. You know this about me to this day. I'm still very introverted, which surprises most people because of the speaking and stuff in the show, but I'm super introverted. And I just started to get picked on. And this Eddie Spaghetti, your meatballs are ready. Then the class would sing it to me and they'd see me get upset.

1:31:15And it started to develop into this pattern of you're not good enough all the time. And then I remember, you know, a few years later, a baseball coach really, I was become a pretty good player, but we had a great player on our team who went on to play like major league baseball for many, many years. He's still a really good friend of mine. And I'd had a couple of bad games and I was down and our coach pulled me into his office. He was sort of a mean dude. He's a good dude, but he was a tough dude. And he pulled me into his office. He goes, Hey, Eddie Spaghetti. This is now I'm a teenager. And he goes, did you ever think that maybe you're just not as good as him?

1:31:49Like you go in over three, like you can go over three. He can't. So why don't you just accept the fact you're just not that good. This was my coach. Right. And I remember just walking out of there like, Whoa. And then I've shared with you another story that when I became a speaker of someone that I looked up to was like, you know, you're really not that good. You know, like I can't even listen to you for more than about 15 minutes. And then, and I, I used to think to like, am I like, is there something on me? That's like, you can just punch me. Like, is there something about me? Like you, people think they can just tell me these things about me.

1:32:24What is it about me? Cause other people aren't, what I found out is other people are hearing similar things. And the truth is I just started to go. I actually asked myself a question that I say in the book I don't really believe that many good things about myself What would I need to believe about me that would serve me? What would I actually need to believe about me? That would cause me to change the way I show up in the world. What would I need to believe? And all of a sudden I started to really think about that. How would that guy walk? How would that guy talk? I'm doing an impersonation of this insecure guy.

1:32:55I'm doing an impersonation of a shy person I'm doing an impersonation of someone who doesn't have confidence. It's an impersonation. It's not who I really am. Well, maybe I can begin to impersonate the person I want to be. And I actually started to impersonate him a little bit, not fake it, but like, you know what? He'd walk with his shoulders back. His voice would be a little bit deeper than the one I'd walk around with. He'd think certain things about himself. Moreover, he would treat other people a particular way. he would treat other people in a kind and generous and strong way almost in an almost in an over abundance of kindness and generosity to people and belief and love for people and a lot of that happened when i worked at the orphanage i was like now that's the guy i like that's the guy that i am i'm the giving guy i'm the kind guy and you know what i found out when i did that i took it away from me as we said earlier it was about other people that i found a lot more peace so I just started to become that person and slowly but surely I think I am that person.

1:33:58That is really powerful. There's, I'm sure so many people, I'm sure they'll send messages about this who, you know, see you online, watch your content and maybe think that everything's perfect and think that you were just born with all this confidence and with, you know, everyone loving you and millions of people following you even through grade school. Right. I mean, we just, to think those things about people that we don't yet know deeply. And then we think when those things happen to us, like someone tells us we're just not good enough, we kind of hide it because we're embarrassed by it or we think it doesn't happen to other people.

1:34:34And I feel like you sharing that is so powerful. Thank you. I think I have a lot of people from high school actually that follow me now, right? And I think if you were to ask a lot of them, because they've told me this i just wasn't i i think they would just say to you like it just i wouldn't expect it to have been eddie you know not like he was a complete i was there if that makes any sense like no i would not there was no like most likely to succeed in any of my you know yearbooks or anything like that but i don't think by the time i graduated wasn't like he's a complete dumb dumb but it was just like he's just eddie my let you know he's just eddie like you would never suspect he would be the person that, you know, might reach a lot of human beings in his life.

1:35:17You know, you just would never have predicted that. And that ought to give everybody hope. If, if you're not one of those people that everyone's like, no, for sure. It's her. I was definitely not that person. You go, Oh, just mark it down. He's going to do something great with his life. No, no one was saying that about me. No one, no teacher, no coach, maybe a couple of teachers when I was a little, little guy, but most people would not have said that anything significant was ever going to happen. So good. They didn't know you were the one. That's right. They didn't know. And that's, that's powerful because a lot of people are wondering, am I the one?

1:35:47Can I be the one? No one's telling me I'm the one. And I think the fact that you doubt, I think the fact that you doubt or wonder whether you're the one is indicative of the fact that you probably are. I do. I do. I just believe that. That's so good. And you know this for, and by the way, the reason it's good is because you know that to be true about you. That's true. But I never thought about it that way. I know that's true. And I'm just thinking right now, I have goosebumps thinking about how many people are listening to this. And right now they know that they're wondering if they're the one.

1:36:16Yeah. And that makes you probably the one. Yes. That's right. And you know this because it happened in your life. Yes. That is huge. All right. This is good. I want to talk about, you know, the story. Can you share with everyone this story? I feel like someone needs to hear this today about your first grade teacher. Yeah. Mrs. Smith. Yes. So, yeah. I'll even elaborate on it a little bit. So I had no confidence at all and uh and i was getting picked on this is what i think happened mrs smith was just a super really kind lady and we had moved to um the town that we were in then and so i was also a new kid on top of being small on top of being eddie spaghetti on top of being insecure on top of leaving many mornings where my dad maybe didn't come home the night before or there was just turmoil the night before i'm just leaving that house this little dude i wish i could go back and hug him you know which my mom did a lot of by the way and so she knew that i just had no self-esteem and i believe she orchestrated this entire thing but we were doing testing like for grades and stuff for the next grades and she purposely had i believe she purposely did this for me she had someone come in the back of the room and say mrs smith we need your smartest student to come take a test to represent the class and i could see the person in the back i heard them and i watched mrs smith go that's eddie mylett i would pick eddie he's the smart boy and she picks me and i remember going oh my gosh she thinks i'm the smart boy and i just looked at her and she smiled at me and i remember just lighting up and then the person goes okay um then eddie mylett you need to come with us and i stood up and it was the first time ever in my life that i was like i'm special this is special and i walked up and went to the back and i took the test and i guess i did well but when i came back in i i didn't say this on the last time i told this when i came back in at the end of the day um the class was over and mrs smith said eddie can you come up here for me and I came up and uh she hugged me and she goes you're so special and so smart you're the smartest boy she just like hugs on me for a minute and um it really changed my life a lot it changed my life because that was the first time I was like well maybe maybe they're wrong maybe I'm maybe I am smart maybe i am special and this beautiful soul knew exactly what she was doing she orchestrated all that she knew there was this child i think she had this sense something was going on in my home because kids don't come like that to school that shy that timid unless something's wrong at how at the house and um i'm telling you the truth that i've thought about that like hundreds maybe thousands of times in my life that that event in my life what a beautiful beautiful soul she was so that's mrs smith it's one of those people you know in your life when you close your eyes and you go there's this handful of humans that make you feel special make you feel loved and cared for and believed in and she's on that highlight reel of like maybe three or four human beings in my entire 51 years and the reason that that's important is because i've tried really hard in my life to be that person for other people that they go he loves me he cares about me he most important maybe even as important he believes in me and um and then you show people how to live a little better that's exactly what she did she was a super super special person and little did she know that little first grade dude would you know be on a show with you today you know um last night when we were talking on the phone about this idea about how many people don't feel seen yeah and i'm just imagining like the power right of her seeing you first time anyone saw me i was telling you last night that a lot of my work in my life has been i don't know why it makes me so emotional but a lot of my work in my life has been about helping people that perform pretty well perform their best and the more and more i've been doing what i do the more it's occurring to me that that's my role is a little different and that is that there's millions and millions and millions of people maybe more than ever in the world that were like the first grader of me but they're 30 years old this is the end myland show