The Simple (But Overlooked) Key to a Fulfilled Life Feat. Brendon Burchard

0:28So, hey guys, listen, we're all trying to get more productive. $10 ,000 worth of courses that are in there that come with the app. Also, some of the top influencers in the world are all posting content in there on a regular basis, like having the Avengers of personal development and business in one app. And I'm honored that he asked me to be a part of it as well and contribute on a weekly basis, and I do. So go over there and get signed up. You're going to get a free tuition-free voucher to go to an event with Brendan and myself and a bunch of other influencers as well. So you get a free event out of it also.

0:53So go to growthday.com forward slash ed. That's growthday.com forward slash ed.

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1:49This is The Admirate Show. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. So, back by popular demand, every single month you're going to be with us when we do Thursday episodes. And I'm so honored to be joined by my dear friend, one of the greatest leaders I've ever met in my life, regardless of the industry. Someone who's had such a huge impact on my life and literally millions of other people around the world. He is sort of, just so you guys know, the coach of most of the people in personal development. He is their coach behind the scenes. Brennan Bouchard, welcome back to the show, brother.

2:22It's such an honor. I feel the exact same about you, man. I've learned so much about you and you know, your podcast gets me fired up and you're, you're one of the few people I listened to and I actually work out. So you're my guy. I appreciate you. I know you do. He's messaging me all the time. This is awesome. And it's because it's probably because he's on the show about 25 % of the time, but anyway, he does rave about the show. So we're talking about coaching and that's what I want to get into today. I think everybody, this is going to be great insight to you into how to change yourself. So we're going to talk about how we coach people today.

2:52And I will brag on the two of us. USA Today did name us both the number one and number two mindset coaches in the world. And that's pretty cool stuff. So we figured since we were named that, we might as well take advantage of it and let you guys kind of have an inside look at what we do and what we think when we're coaching somebody. And you can sort of self-regulate and self-coach a little bit today as we go through it. So let me start with you, brother. When you first take somebody on that you're coaching, What is it that you look at to kind of deduce the direction you're going to go? What are some of your do's and don'ts?

3:23I mean, first thing is, are they all in, in reaching next level? Otherwise, I don't want to work with them. You know, because sometimes you get people like, oh, you know, I'd like to kind of improve or I have this problem, Ed. If you could help me through this problem, I don't want to work with that person. I want to work with the people go, there's another level for me. I sense it in my heart and my spirit. it. I know I can achieve that championship, or I know I could build this business, or I know I can break through. They have a higher ambition line in their life. And I'm listening to the connection that they have with that higher ambition.

3:58Otherwise, we're just a commodity solving a problem for somebody. And our job as coaches, when we're really serious, and I know you do this better than anybody else in the world, is you know how to level up people, right? It's not about just coaching somebody to solve a problem. It's about how do we level up who they are? How do we help them not just solve a problem? How do we help them become more? So they in fact, want to take on bigger problems and achieve greater things, but this time do it a little more sanity for themselves and for their families, hopefully. What do you mean by more sanity?

4:30I'm just curious. What did you mean by that? That was an interesting add on there. I think most people who come to coaching is they get coaching because they realize the last tour that they did, the last effort that they did, the last time they had success, they burned themselves out. They lost friends. They got unhealthy. They became addicted. They got divorced. They wrecked that relationship. They had success, but they also had lower levels of wellbeing and less positive relationships as they wanted. And the whole study that I do of high performance and helping people reach ultra success is all about how do you attain that next level of success, but this time, good wellbeing, this time, positive relationships.

5:17So you actually feel enjoyment and fulfillment and aliveness from it versus the grind. You just hit one of your geniuses right there. When I think of what you just described, I actually think of you, meaning you do live that. and it's one of the things I've improved my coaching of myself because of that I was just thinking about I did a podcast on this recently about that lane you're in and then I'll sort of add my piece to what I do I that's serenity prayer that they pray in AA and and one of the things that you know they talk about in AA is is basically praying enough to have the peace to let go of the things you can't control and to focus on the things you can control and to surrender to that and to have the wisdom to know the difference between those two things.

6:04And one of the things that makes somebody acquire things in life and become successful is they're a control freak. You're a hundred percent right. They're a control freak. And because they're a control freak, it really serves them in the acquisition of success, the acquisition of the promotion, the money, the, uh, the title, the influence, whatever it might be. But the other side of that very thing is that it's the one thing that keeps them miserable and their relationships miserable because they try to control the relationship there and they try to control every result. And when you become somebody who learns to have the wisdom to know the distinction between the things you can control or should control and can't control, that can produce that part of the life that you talk about.

6:43I got to tell you something that as we were talking, I was thinking about the different types of people that I coach. And the easiest person that I coach is that I'm thinking about like one of my fighters right now who has a big fight coming up at Madison Square Garden. That's a really easy person to coach. And the reason that they're easier for me to coach is because we have a very specific stated outcome for this journey we're on, which is to win that fight. That's the outcome. But I think about the vast majority of people I coach and even the ones that pay us both six and seven figures. I got to tell you, it blows my mind that when someone will pay me a lot of money to coach them.

7:21And when we begin, I say, I just like to get clear on what it is you need my help with and their inability to answer that question. Right. They're hiring you because they need clarity. Exactly right. You just, you just nailed it on the head. So the easy person to coach is one of my athletes, if it's just like for a fight, but in general, one of the reasons I think you need coaching in your life. And one of the things I would ask all of you listening to this or watching it today is like, how clear truly, like truly clear on, are you exactly what it is that you do actually want? And I think a lot, not what everyone else has told you you want or what your parents think you should have wanted, or even what you used to want and haven't quite got yet.

8:06Like in this moment right now, what is our, or is the result you want to produce? What are the results or what is the result? What is your stated outcome? And I think that's one of the reasons having a coach to help you get real clarity on not the thing that it sounds like you want, but the thing you truly want. If I went back and thought about it, I never wanted to be worth hundreds of millions of dollars. I wanted how I thought that would make me feel. And I, I, I, I never wanted to be, you know, I didn't have to have to be completely fit all the time in my life. I wanted how I thought that would make me feel.

8:43I say the right things about I want to learn to help all kinds of people, and I do, but I also sort of had a vision of how that would make me feel if I could contribute to other people's lives. And so it's not always just stated destinations. It may be an emotional home you want, an emotional goal you have in your life. And I'm just curious, when you start working with someone, what do you look for? So one is obviously helping them get clear on what they want, But is there something else you look for? Like, do you work on their weaknesses compared to their strengths? What's your process? Yeah, I'm way more into not looking at their personalities, most people.

9:21I don't think about their enneagram. I don't have to do personality tests or even focus on strengths and weaknesses. I say, what kind of life are you trying to build? And I think you're actually really good at this. And I want to add into something you said earlier about, you know, maybe you have this person who wants to win this fight. And that's the outcome. I also know that what makes you a phenomenal coach is you're a mentor to these gentlemen. That you aren't just telling them how to win in the ring. You're very good about telling them how to live a life. And you're also very good about not just how to win in this next fight.

9:59You're setting them up for how to win in life as a career, too. So it's not just this fight, but how do they win the next five fights? And so I think one thing that coaches are always doing, we're looking at a longer term perspective for people. And you're world class at that. And mentoring them in character development. And not just their feelings, which you're good at too, but about how they want to live. How they want to experience life. As they're trying to hit this milestone or this achievement or win that particular sport. It's that so much of coaching is helping people kind of recalibrate to character.

10:40And think again about what should life feel like? What is life about for me? How do I want to achieve this and feel and experience it this time? Because last time, I just didn't sleep for five months and I got lucky. It's like this time, no, let's just do it better this time. I also believe that people only want four things. and everybody I've ever sat down with, it's just so clear that they'll want one of four things. They might not know it yet. Everyone wants, and I'll go fast because you already know this, but they want aliveness. The number one thing when I work with people, they don't know they want aliveness.

11:16Brendan, I lost my drive, my motivation, my spark. You know, I want that enthusiasm, that passion again. Or maybe I want more presence. As your word, I want more bliss in my life. That's a sense of aliveness. There's a certain aliveness and reverence to life that people want to feel. And a lot of people want that op of adventure or passion. Other people want that bliss and that presence and that spirituality that comes with aliveness. But I use the word aliveness. Other people might use the word vibrancy or energy. I also know that people want deep connection. They want better relationships with themselves and everybody around them.

11:53They want friendship. They want to be closer with their spouse. I also know people want meaningful pursuits. And this is a big one. They don't want just meaning. That was like the 80s. What people want now is meaningful pursuit. It means a lot of people have a meaningful life, but they're not in the hunt anymore. You know, I know lots of people, they run major nonprofits. They're incredibly unhappy because the pursuit isn't there. The hunt, we're goal-driven human species. We want to be in the hunt on something. It's why you haven't retired. You could retire. And Milet has an unbelievably meaningful life, amazing family, amazing achievements, worldwide reach, unbelievable impact.

12:40He's still done, but you can't retire on meaning. Humans want the hunt pursuit. What am I in pursuit of? Is that purposeful and meaningful and fulfilling to me? And then the fourth thing is growth. We want to grow in competency, capability, our own spirit and character. And so when you say, what am I working with them on? It's not strengths and weaknesses as much as it's, okay, I just draw out this little triangle, put aliveness, meaningful pursuits, connection, and growth in the middle. And we kind of worked through it. And we see where they feel like they've, what I call gone ultra. They've gone that extra mile in each area.

13:22And in other areas, we just identify where they really need to do some work. So good. I want to add to that, but I want to make, you said something about ultra, so I might as well ask you this now. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies to see if you could save some cash? Progressive makes it easy. Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money when you bundle your home and auto policies. The process only takes minutes and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket. Visit Progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save.

13:57Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and Affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states. When it comes to what your family eats and drinks, you know your choices matter. You're the expert because you know what fits your life. And getting it right starts with good information. That's why America's beverage companies are sharing more information about our ingredients at GoodToKnowFacts.org. No spin, no judgments, just the facts straight from the experts for more than 140 beverage ingredients. Visit GoodToKnowFacts.org. I also think oftentimes, I think winning is about somewhere around 50 % mental and about 50 % environmental.

14:44And I think oftentimes if you don't surround yourself with an environment that can support these new choices and behaviors you're making, it's almost like an ecology test for what you're doing, right? Like you have to have an environment that supports it. And you can create those environments in a lot of other ways through your association, your friends. The other thing you can do is be a part of a group that does that. And I think my audience just needs to know this. You've created this incredible environment called Ultra. I contribute in that environment. We work together in it on a very regular basis.

15:13you and I and others, but just like really quickly. And then I'm going to add to what you just talked about in terms of what I work with somebody on as well, but go ahead. If someone wanted to find out about your environment or the one I work in with you at ultra, where would they go? Yeah. People go to ultra.vip. That's literally the website, ultra.vip to learn about it. So I think that so much of coaching is also reminding people get around other amazing people. Like as a coach, we are working on their relationships as much as their objectives. You're right. Well, I think one of the reasons is this, is that why environments matter or just in general guys coaching, I've kind of distilled my own success down over the years to kind of a simple thing recently.

15:58And I'm probably oversimplifying it, but I need to make sure I'm vibrating at the highest possible frequency I'm capable of the majority of the time. In other words, yes, you need to acquire the tactics and strategies that make you successful. But assuming you have those things, my job is some form of self-care, meaning I'm like the athlete. You listening to this, you're the thoroughbred of your life. You have to be ready for the race. And most times walking into a meeting, making a pitch, coaching somebody, giving a speech, writing your book, selling your product, whatever it is, the most important thing you can do is show up.

16:35This sounds so trite, but show up your best, like the best you. And that's a vibrational frequency. That's an energetic thing. And when you've got life pulling away your frequency and your energy and your focus, and you're depleting it on things you can't control, and you're not clear on exactly what you want, all these things contribute to a lower vibrational frequency. And then you're not attracting to yourself the things you're worthy of because you've depleted your frequency. And oftentimes, like guys, when I coach somebody, people will ask me this all the time. Brendan mentioned character development.

17:10The biggest thing for me when I'm vibrating at my highest frequency, the highest frequency is truth. And the highest truth is to yourself. And that's why these things all are interconnected. Let me explain everybody. When you're keeping the promises that you make to yourself, when you're living in congruency with the values you have said you want to live by, you vibrate at a very high frequency and you become magnetic. So it's not just if I say I'm going to get up at a certain time, I get up. Or if I'm going to work out five days a week, I work out. If I'm going to drink a gallon of water, I do it.

17:43If I'm going to make 10 contacts, I do it. That's one thing, which is keeping the promises you make to you. This is something that is so important. And one thing about having a coach or being in a group is it can hold you accountable to these things you say you want. The other part of it is living in congruency with your values. That's to be true to oneself. So if you value fitness and you're living a fit lifestyle, you're feeding something in you that grows you. And why when I get a coach, when I have people that I coach, people say to me, what are you working like with a really ultra successful person, no pun intended.

18:21And you'd be surprised why most people come to me. And this will make you feel good about yourself, everybody. Most people at every level to get to the next level in their life, doubt whether they can. They doubt. And what contributes to that doubt is discouragement. And I talk oftentimes about the four D's doubt, discouragement, delay, and delusion. But setting the last two aside, how are you going to eradicate your doubts if you're not working on yourself? And so what most of the time is we're talking through things to strengthen their certainty, strengthen their confidence. Self-confidence is this really overcooked thing in personal development.

19:02But the truth of the matter is most people aren't working on building their self-confidence. The fastest path to self-confidence is to keep the promises that you make to you. Because now you're building a reputation with yourself that you do what you say you're going to do. And then on top of that, if you live in accordance with your values, that's pretty hot. But most people come to me working on their doubts, that same fighter, they need more certainty. They're going into the rank that executive to take the company to the next level, that salesperson who wants, it's usually doubt related and finding some level of certainty because in every situation, typically the more certain person wins, certainty matters.

19:38So that's why when you have a coach, it, it matters. And when you're coaching yourself and working yourself, it's developing certainty. And then discouragement. Discouragement, everyone, is really to remove courage from somebody. So to become more courageous, see, courage is something you operate when there's fear anyway, right? The opposite of courage to me is conformity. Think about that. It's to conform. It's courageous to live a life on your own terms. discouraged people conform. Listen, everyone, discouraged people conform. I'm going to go back to the life my parents said I should have. I'm going to color within the lines.

20:21I'm not going to really try to stretch or push anything. I'm just going to conform to the norm. And so when I see someone who's a conformist, I think they're a coward. And I think they're a coward because they're discouraged. And so I want to challenge you all. Don't conform. Don't color within the lines, find something in your life that gets you to chase. As Brendan said, I just did a podcast on this, that human beings need to chase. I'm curious in your case, are there strategies you use yourself or when you coach to help people with doubt or discouragement to increase confidence and certainty?

20:57Yeah, I think there's only three tools in coaching. I call it the coaching coin. One side of the coin is compassion. And so when you're working with a client and they're in that doubt or they have that question in their mind or they're not certain, we have to meet them with a certain level of compassion. And I'm going to tell everyone this because it's really important to hear. It's like, you might know me and Ed as like the motivational speakers or the podcasters, but when we're coaching, we're not doing that at a person very often. Instead, we're often asking questions to elicit their own options.

21:35We're asking questions to help them find and discover their own path. Like Ed just said, he's not trying to get them to conform just to do this. He's trying to say, what would work for you? Have you tried this before? What draws your enthusiasm? Or how do you want that to go? We're asking lots of questions to help them find their answers. That's what real coaching is. And so we're trying to find some level of compassion for themselves. Because if you doubt yourself, you probably dislike yourself. You're discouraged. You dislike that you got so discouraged and you stopped. You know, you know you're part of the herd and you wanted to break free, but you tried.

22:07They made fun of you. You came back in. And so we got to meet them with compassion and our conversation and our questions have to help elicit self-compassion from them. The other side of the coin is challenge. And challenge is I think what Ed is phenomenal at. He can just, Ed can look at you and pierce an arrow right through your brains. You're just toast. He's just so insightful. He's seen it before. He just picks up on every way that you move and every way you talk. And he has a way of just knowing. So now he's going to push. I always say coaches are paid to push. We're challenging them to go to another level.

22:45And so great coaches issue challenges, but again, they almost feel like Socratic challenge. We're asking questions that make them think about truth, think about the right thing and generate their options. And the middle of the coin, if you can, it was like compassion on one side, challenge on the other side. The middle is just dialogues of discovery. And that dialogue of discovery is you're just trying to ask the questions that help them find their own aha. Because if they find the aha, it locks in. If you just shout at them, they get temporarily motivated. And so, so much of what we're doing in coaching is trying to help them generate the option, but also they generate the breakthrough.

23:25They find their answer. They find their courage. You can tell someone to be courageous all day long. They're the ones who have to step up in the ring. So when they find their courage through a dialogue with you, they'll always go, you changed my life. And really all you did is you opened up the gates with some good questions. That's so true. When I met Wayne Dyer, I told him, you changed my life. And he goes, I doubt that. I bet you changed your life. But how did I help you? And that's exactly right, brother.

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24:23We were debating today, you guys. I'm going to let you behind the scenes because we really want to serve when we do something. We both be like, hey, man, our podcast together are special. And so we were debating today. Do we want to let you behind the veil a little bit of coaching? And by the way, some of these strategies you can use for yourself as well. Bro, I got to ask you this because we're going to do a whole podcast on it. But let's go back and forth on this for a minute. I think really most people do come to us because they want more abundance. They want a more abundant relationship. They want more abundance financially, more abundance of contribution, more abundant memories.