664: Stop Avoiding Your Feelings: How to Do a Life Inventory TODAY

0:01Today's episode is sponsored in part by Revolve and Spectrum. Revolve is my all-time favorite place to shop for my dream wardrobe. Head to revolve.com forward slash gold digger to shop my favorites and get 15 % off your first order with the code gold digger. Spectrum business keeps your business connected with reliable service you can count on. Visit spectrum.com forward slash free for life to learn how you can get business internet free forever. As always, you can find all of our amazing deals in the show notes. Now let's get into it. okay I have been on this ruthless pursuit to purge any clothes that I'm not actually wearing like if I haven't reached for it in months it's gotta go I am trying to be really intentional about what I bring into my closet right now which means I am only buying pieces that I know I will actually wear and use revolve just gets it though I'm literally wearing my brown autri sneakers from there right now and my new suede purse it fits my laptop in it so it's basically a fancy shoulder bag that works for everything.

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1:57And when we do that, it's often with the detachment of what we're feeling or what our intuition or that whisper is telling us. Hey, my name is Jenna Kutcher and I am obsessed with all things, business, marketing numbers, and helping you to navigate both the messy and the magical seasons of this thing called life. I'm a small town mama who took a$300 camera, grew a successful photo biz, and now I work from home and run a seven figure online business. I teach you the tried and true secrets to building a career you adore. Shy away from the real talk? No way. Money, hardship, growth, loss, and marketing are all topics we discuss here.

2:35Think of this as your one-stop shop for happy hour with a gal pal mixed with business school. Pull up a seat, make sure you're cozy, and get ready to be challenged and encouraged while you learn. This is the Gold Digger Podcast. Today, I feel like I'm introducing you to a co-pilot in my life or one of my best friends who you've never met, but really I'm introducing you to a practice that has been super transformative for me in my life through many different stages and seasons of entrepreneurship, of motherhood, of marriage, of friendship. And this process is what I call a life inventory. It's something that I talk about in my bestselling book, How Are You Really?

3:14If you haven't gotten your copy yet, what are you waiting for? Hopefully after today's episode, you will be running to the bookstore or hopping onto Amazon to grab your copy. But I love sharing about this process in the book. And today I kind of want to break it down even further. A life inventory can work no matter what stage or season you find yourself in. In fact, I recommend not waiting until your life falls apart to do it, but starting one today, doing a deep dive into what is working and what isn't working and when the last time you felt joy was, and kind of doing this from a forensic style mindset of really deconstructing and looking at your life.

3:56And I'm going to dive deeper into what this practice looks like for me and how maybe my life inventory a year ago before my book came out is different than my life inventory today. But I want to invite you to really explore this idea of incorporating this practice into your life. because I truly, truly believe that it can ground you in a way that gives you clarity to understand your next steps forward. So without further ado, let's dive on in and talk life inventories. Let me introduce you to a podcast you're going to love. It's called The Shine Online and it's hosted by a former gold digger guest, Natasha Samuel, and brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, the audio destination for business professionals.

4:43Natasha interviews the brightest entrepreneurs to bring you no fluff advice, honest discussions about the mental health and lifestyle aspect of entrepreneurship and actionable strategies and success stories of those who have mastered the art of shining online. Natasha just covered this topic I think you'd love to hear about. She talks about when you're ready to hire a social media manager and when you're not because hiring a social media manager isn't going to fix your social media problem if you're not ready and willing to show up and do the work too. Listen to The Shine Online wherever you get your podcasts.

5:19I want to do something fun and a little different today. And I want to read to you from a chapter in my book called The Softer Question, How to Feel Your Feelings. This is actually chapter number one in my book, How Are You Really? And I love that we kick off the book with this chapter because when we think about the title of the book, How Are You Really? I think that when we get really honest with hearing that question, a lot of times we kind of push back on it because it likely means that we actually have to pause long enough to process and think about and likely feel our feelings. So let me read a little excerpt and then I'm going to dive into more about this process of a life inventory, how it came into my life and what it looks like today.

6:05When is the last time you took stock of your life? Like full on, full sweep, forensic accounting style inventory, a staring contest with the mirror kind of activity. I'm guessing if I asked you how often you take time out of your day to consider your feelings, your own preferences, your unique needs, and your deepest desires, you'd round way up, wouldn't you? Kind of like I do at the dentist when my hygienist asks me how often I'm flossing. Every night-ish, I muffle as if they can't tell. Hear me say this as gently as I possibly can. As of right now, this very moment, we are done fudging the numbers.

6:46Today's the day to wake ourselves up to two hard truths. One, we're definitely not flossing enough. And two, we're asleep for too much of our own lives. Now, as an online educator and advocate for female entrepreneurs, I hear from women all over the world who move through long bouts of the week where everything feels like it's running on autopilot. Surprisingly, we're fine. We're good. We're busy. The sun is shining. The toddler didn't come into our bed last night. The boss loved the pitch. The vacation is booked. The garden is planted. The jeans zip and button. But in moments of quiet, we feel discontent, exhausted, frazzled, or even trapped.

7:26Something is missing and we just can't put our finger on it. We don't know what it is. We're equal parts overwhelmed and bored, ambitious and feeling guilty about it, overstimulated and lonely. We're exhausted from dragging the mental load of it all to and from the carpool line, the grocery store, the office, the gym, and back into bed at night. We know something's off, but we can't put our finger on it. So when I think about this chapter in the book and the fact that the book kicks off with it, I really think about how so many of us are moving through life and we're fine, right? Like everything's good.

8:06And it's so funny. I've told this story before on the show, but when we got down to giving my book a title, which was actually one of the last things we did, I kept describing it to people. And I kept saying, you know, this book is like the difference between the conversations you have with others and with yourself, where you say, how are you? And this conversation is like that. How are you really? And notice how, when you say, how are you really? And if you're with someone you love, or you love yourself, or you trust yourself enough to go there, you kind of lean in and you kind of get softer, right?

8:42The softer question. And so when I think about this chapter, I talk about this idea of a life inventory. And I think about different seasons in my life where I have really had to hit the brakes full stop and look around me and really ask myself some serious questions, right? For me, a lot of those moments that I can like viscerally feel are those moments that are the big ones, right? Like the moment I hit six figures and I felt so burnt out or the moment that I found out that we had lost another baby. Like those are those big moments where, you know, a life inventory is like, all right, like, come on in.

9:25We're already a mess. Let's see what we need to do. But I also experienced the benefits of doing these quick little life inventories pretty much on a daily basis. Inside of this chapter in my book, I actually have a bunch of questions. And if you are not driving a vehicle and you have a pen and paper nearby, I would love for you to write these down. We'll also have these questions linked in the show notes if you want to look at them. But what I love about this is I want for you to visualize what these questions bring up for you. Because when I ask them, there's going to be this like split second where an answer just comes to you.

10:06And what likely is going to happen is this answer is going to come to you and then you're going to shove it down or you're going to correct yourself or you're going to think about the next thing or the thing after that. And I want for you to pay attention when I ask these questions to that first thing that pops in your mind, because I truly believe that that first thing that pops in your mind is a gift. It is probably the real response. Remember, I don't know if anyone else did this, but remember when you would take exams, specifically multiple choice exams, and you'd read all the answers and immediately you'd know the answer.

10:38And then you'd look at the other options and you'd all of a sudden start second guessing that gut instinct. I used to do that so bad. I really struggled with like trusting myself when it came to things like that. I would second guess myself a lot, especially when it came to multiple choice tests. And I want for us as we do these life inventories to start with that first instinct, that first reaction, that intuition, that inner voice. All right, let's go through those questions. The first question is this, what inspires you? And I want for you to think about like the thing that popped into your brain.

11:12And again, do not correct it. Do not tell yourself, no, no, no, no, no. This thing actually inspires me. Remember, remember you were inspired by this. What inspires you? Like what makes your heartbeat faster? What do you get excited about? What do you find yourself Googling or reading forums about or telling your friends about? What inspires you? The next question is this. What makes you rage? Like what makes you so angry? If something pops up on social media and you see it and it just makes you angry, like what is that thing? Or somebody brings up this topic or you stumble upon this thing. What makes you rage?

11:43Like what makes you angry? I think anger can be a really strong indicator in our lives. What makes you snort laugh? When is the last time that you found yourself crying with laughter or having a belly ache because you were laughing so hard? What makes you laugh in that way? And as a secondary question to that one, when is the last time that happened for you? What makes you cry with joy? What makes you weepy with gratitude? I was joking the other day and I was like, do I basically get to blame hormones for the rest of my life? Because I've been pregnant. Now I'm a mom. I'm a female. So I have hormones.

12:18I mean, we all have hormones pumping through us, but like I am one of those people that could watch like a sappy commercial and cry. I was watching HGTV show the other night and I started like bawling and just like, you just, you are a sucker for these stories. What makes you cry with joy? Another question. What makes you feel empowered? When do you feel like your most powerful, sure sell? What makes you nod in agreement? When someone is sharing something, what makes you just nod like, yes, that's it. That's the thing. What makes you dance with glee? What do you fear the most? And what role is that fear playing in your life?

12:58I was recently having a conversation and I was talking about how fear is always going to be on the ride with us, but it's up to us if we allow it to take the steering wheel or simply be the co-pilot. It's up to us if we allow it to choose a radio station or sit silently. What do you fear the most? And what role does that fear play in your life? What do you find unfair, unjust? That says a lot. What problem do you want to, or do you wish you could solve? And lastly, what do you want to create in the world? Let me review them again without my added commentary in case you're making a list. What inspires you?

13:39What makes you rage? What makes you snort laugh? What makes you cry with joy? What makes you feel empowered? What makes you nod in agreement? What makes you dance with glee? What do you fear the most? What do you find unfair? What problem do you wish you could solve? And what do you want to create in the world? All of these are listed in my book. We'll also list them in the show notes for you. But I want for you to think about these things. There's this line in this chapter that says, you don't need a big reveal, a perfect plan, a quick answer that everyone can hear and clap for. You need a softer question and the space to hear it speak in the quiet.

14:25It knows who you are. Listen closely because you'll soon recognize that the voice is familiar. The voice is yours. Something that I thought about a lot in writing my book is that oftentimes when we think about the question, how are you really? We think about how we want to ask it to other people, right? How we want to create these safe spaces where we can get really honest. Maybe you're fortunate and you have a best friend in your life who can cut the fluff and get past the small talk and really dial in on how you're doing. But what I honestly think is even more important and why I wanted to start my book with this chapter is, I think a lot of times we don't ask ourselves that question because we're afraid of what the answer might be.

15:12And we're even more afraid to acknowledge if the answer is, I'm not okay, or this isn't okay, or life does not feel the way I thought it would. If we acknowledge those things that we're actually going to have to do something about it. Because I know for you and I, once we see a problem, we want to fix it. And so I think for so many of us, we live with this avoidance of even going there, of even going deep with ourselves, because we're afraid that if we face it, we're going to have to overcome it. But I have to tell you that there's something so beautiful on the other side of getting honest with yourself.

15:53There's something so powerful when we start to turn down the volume of all of the other voices and noises in our life. When we start to pay attention to that tiny little whisper inside of us, one that has probably got drowned out for way too long. We start to come home to ourselves. And I just think there There's something so incredibly powerful about that practice. AI is such a hot topic right now, but how can you really use it in your business in a way that moves the needle? What if AI could take over tedious tasks like pulling reports, rewriting blog posts, and trying to personalize countless prospecting emails?

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18:27Can you believe that we're already wrapping up 2025? This year was packed with travel and so many new memories. One of my favorite moments was our team retreat in Arizona with the incredible women who helped me keep this business running. I also recently took the kids to Nashville during fall break and somewhere in between I squeezed in a trip to Puerto Rico with friends. We booked some of our most memorable stays this year on Airbnb. There's something special about finding a place that doesn't just look great in the photos, but actually feels welcoming the moment you walk in. That this feels right kind of feeling.

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19:41It's also my daughter's. But Coco is a really deep feeler. It's something that is so admirable to me. This girl really moves through her feelings and she doesn't rush them. And I remember when she became a toddler, I was just really caught off guard because I'd never experienced such high highs and such low lows in such short amount of times. I mean, any parents of toddlers are probably nodding their head right now, but I could just feel her energy and how quickly it could shift. It was just really interesting to me. And I remember having these days as her mom where, you know, it was a challenge because I was like, wow, this is like, I mean, this is a roller coaster and like, I don't know what version I'm going to get, but I don't want her to feel like she has to rush through this.

20:36I think I had this revelation as a mom that for a lot of us in our lives, we've kind of been taught to like get back to the like, I'm fine. I'm good. I'm happy. And in that we've made that the destination, which often means we try to fast track through our feelings, right? And watching a child move through their feelings without rushing it really showed me the importance of slowing down and asking myself, like, how do I feel right now? Why do I feel this way? What is this feeling telling me? How does it feel? Like, how does it really feel to feel this feeling? How does it feel to sit with it and not rush it?

21:18I think that a lot of times in life, I've detached from my feelings. I remember having this conversation with my friend Tico, who's an emotional intelligence expert. And I remember telling her, I was like, you know, I like to be really like logical when it comes to business and not emotional. I like to remove my emotions from business. It just makes it a lot easier for me. I like to be emotional in my life and logical in business. And she was like, Jenna, that's not real. Like you can't just detach from your feelings. And as someone who has a very like strategic brain. And I love that part of my brain.

21:54I love my marketing abilities. I love all those things about myself. Oftentimes I'll kind of lean into the masculine side of me when it comes to business. And I'll lean into the feminine energy, the feminine side of me, when it comes to being a wife and a mom and a friend. And I remember Tico being like, what if you brought all of yourself to this? Like, what if you stop trying to detach in these certain aspects. Stop trying to compartmentalize your feelings and like brought your full self into your business. And I remember thinking that's impossible. Like I can't do that. But even that conversation really showed me that a lot of us, we try to bring like half of ourselves or a segment of ourselves to different areas of our lives.

22:39And when we do that, it's often with the detachment of what we're feeling or what our intuition or that whisper is telling us, right? I think about a lot of the messages that I've been given either subliminally or directly about being a female in business. And I think, you know, being in such a male dominated world, when it comes to the business world, a lot of times women kind of try to hide parts of themselves so that we don't look weak or emotional. And I think that that's a disservice to ourselves, to our businesses, to our communities. And so ever since having that conversation with Tiko over three years ago, I've really thought about like, how do I bring my full self?

23:23And being a mother to Coco has really inspired me to not try to detach, to really move through my feelings and be honest about them. It was really interesting the other day, She's having a hard time with something. And she came to me and was just like, I feel sad right now. And I was like, it's okay to feel sad. It's okay. Like, let's just sit here. Like, why are we sad? And like, what does that feel like? Like, what does sad feel like for you? And how do we just sit with it? Like, let's just sit with it and be a companion to it. And if you are someone who finds it really hard to be honest with yourself, like if you can't imagine doing what Coco did and just sitting there and saying out loud to yourself or to someone else, like, I feel this right now.

24:11I want to call you in to invite yourself into a space that you can do that. Because I think there is so much power when first we get honest, but second, we can express. And what I would tell you is if you are someone who cannot do that, or is not in a place that can do that, what I would invite you to do is if you're not in a place where you can even speak what you're feeling. I want for you to at least think it. And I want for you to think about what would your most compassionate friend say to you? If you were honest, I think about how I invite Coco into these feelings and how I am just there with her sitting with her.

24:52And a lot of times for me, motherhood has kind of reflected, put this mirror back up of like, I need to sit with myself and mother myself the same way I mother this child that I love so fully. And I need to allow myself that same time and space that I give her. Like it's really just been inspiring to think about, here's how I want her to feel when she's moving through these feelings. And the same for me too. That's a line that I've had to say to myself a lot as a mom. Like I want my child to love her body just as it is. And the same for me too. And the same for me too. You know, there are so many benefits to doing this sort of inventory in your life.

25:35When you take stock of things like what brings you joy or what inspires you, or what do you find unfair? When you really ask yourself these questions, I think that they can point to a much greater truth and a much richer life. For those of us who can sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and say, is this all there is? Or I am working so hard. Or I reach that goal and it doesn't feel the way I thought it would. When we take stock of our life and the things that we might be avoiding or not even looking at, not even factoring into the equation, when we look at all of the menial tasks and the things that we're doing and the things that happen on autopilot, when we really peel back the layers, it can maybe remind us of things like, I haven't laughed in a long time or haven't had fun or I haven't felt passionate or I haven't thought about what I want to change in this world.

26:35And I think that these questions can unlock a new level of life, not a level that requires more or more hustle or more work or waking up earlier, but a life that is enriched, a life that feels different. When I think about checking in on myself, yes, I love to do these full stock inventories. I would say that quarterly, I am doing this type of exercise. And I'm also factoring in things like work and motherhood and life. Because I talk about this in my book, but I don't believe in balance. If you study the word balance, balance is a moment in time. It is not a state that is meant to be maintained.

27:15And so when I look at a life inventory, I often picture a pie chart. And I think about like, where's my time and my energy going? And what needs more of it right now in this season? And what can I let go of? And it looks different every single quarter, right? When I think about where I was and what my life inventory was when I wrote this book versus where it is today, It's in a totally different state. I'm in a different state. My life is in a different state. My business is in a different state. My children are in a different state. And so this can't just be a one and done practice. It has to be something that you invite into your life.