670: A Candid Update On My ADHD Journey

0:01Today's episode is sponsored in part by Revolve and Spectrum. Revolve is my all time favorite place to shop for my dream wardrobe. Head to revolve.com forward slash gold digger to shop my favorites and get 15 % off your first order with the code gold digger. Spectrum business keeps your business connected with reliable service you can count on. Visit spectrum.com forward slash free for life to learn how you can get business internet free forever. As always, you can find all of our amazing deals in the show notes. Now let's get into it. okay I have been on this ruthless pursuit to purge any clothes that I'm not actually wearing like if I haven't reached for it in months it's gotta go I am trying to be really intentional about what I bring into my closet right now which means I am only buying pieces that I know I will actually wear and use revolve just gets it though I'm literally wearing my brown autry sneakers from there right now and my new suede purse it fits my laptop in it so it's basically a fancy shoulder bag that works for everything.

1:02I love finding pieces like that. Things that look good, but also work hard for my actual life. Their holiday shop is live right now with all the good stuff. Sparkly party dresses, cozy sets, cute gifts, everything you need for whatever is on your calendar. And it's all in one place, which makes shopping feel way less overwhelming. Whether it's a weekend away, a big night out, or a holiday party, your dream wardrobe is just one click away. Head to revolve.com forward slash gold digger, shop my edit and take 15 % off your first order with the code gold digger. Fast two-day shipping, easy returns.

1:37It's literally the only place you need to shop from. That's revolve.com forward slash gold digger to shop my favorites and get 15 % off your first order with the code gold digger. Offer available for a limited time. So happy shopping. I know so many CEOs and amazing leaders who you likely follow that have ADHD. And And the more that I talk about it, the more that people come out of the woodwork and share that they also have it. And I really do believe that it is a part of my superpower. Hey, my name is Jenna Kutcher and I am obsessed with all things business, marketing numbers, and helping you to navigate both the messy and the magical seasons of this thing called life.

2:17I'm a small town mama who took a$300 camera, grew a successful photo biz, and now I work from home and run a seven figure online business. I teach you the tried and true secrets to building a career you adore. Shy away from the real talk? No way. Money, hardship, growth, loss, and marketing are all topics we discuss here. Think of this as your one-stop shop for happy hour with a gal pal mixed with business school. Pull up a seat, make sure you're cozy, and get ready to be challenged and encouraged while you learn. This is the Gold Digger Podcast. I remember showing up for an interview. It was on a day where I was doing four to five different interviews for this very show.

2:56And that day, my life forever changed. I interviewed an amazing woman named Tracy Otsuka, and she is an expert in ADHD. And the funny thing is, is that I did her entire interview just as a curious bystander. But as soon as we finished that interview, she said to me, she said, you know why I wanted to come on your show, right, Jenna? And I said, no, why? She goes, I 1000 % believe that you have ADHD. And I remember being so caught off guard because I had just listened to her teach and talk about ADHD without ever once thinking, she's talking about me. But that conversation that day changed my life forever.

3:41It's been almost a year since I was formally diagnosed with ADHD. And I truly believe that I would have never been diagnosed without speaking to Tracy that day. And so today, I am going to share a very honest, a very candid real-time update on how things are going in my world. And even if you don't think that you have ADHD, I highly encourage you to listen to this episode with an open mind because it might give you insight into what it is like for someone who has a neurodivergent brain, or it might help you to understand what ADHD can look like for somebody and maybe help understand someone you love and why they are the way they are.

4:25So let's dive on in with a very honest and candid update on how I'm doing with my ADHD. If you love Gold Digger, then you'll love the Side Hustle Pro podcast hosted by Nikala Matthews Akome, brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, the audio destination for business professionals. Side Hustle Pro showcases diverse entrepreneurs who have scaled from a humble side hustle to a full-blown profitable business. Every week, you'll learn actionable strategies to start small and get going wherever and whoever you are. In Nikaila's recent episode titled, How to Make Content for Your Business in Less Than One Hour a Week, I learned so much about how to optimize recording sessions to get content done quicker, as well as new content creation, tech, and tools.

5:12You have to tune in. Listen to Side Hustle Pro wherever you get your podcasts. First, to kind of catch you up to speed in case you missed it, I have talked about my ADHD on this podcast, but it has been a topic that I get asked about a lot. After I had that interview with Tracy, I remember calling my mom and just talking to her about it. And right away, my mom said, Oh yeah, dad definitely has ADD or ADHD. He totally had it as a kid. And I didn't realize that ADHD can be passed down. In fact, it is most commonly passed down. And no one in my family had ever told me that about my dad. I had no idea.

5:55I didn't know what to be looking for. I obviously had just grown up with my dad being my dad. And the more that we as a family dug into it, the more that my mom was like, honestly, I think like all three of you kids have it. It just might show up and present in different ways. And that is something important to note is that ADD and ADHD presents differently for every person that has it. But it was something that really opened up this discussion within my family and really encouraged me to get a formal diagnosis. I don't like to throw around terms and give them to myself as a part of my identity unless I am certain.

6:34And so I went through the formal process of getting diagnosed. I did a ton of different questionnaires, a lot of history data. They ask questions of loved ones to report back on different things. And so it was this process that I did online with a trained professional. And it absolutely came back that I have ADHD. It was really interesting when I got the diagnosis because there's a part of me that was like, whoa, this is actually real. And then there was a part of me that felt relief in a lot of ways. It's really interesting. And I think a part of this last almost full year of exploring what does this mean?

7:13And what does this look like? And how does it work for me? It's been beautiful. And it's also been challenging in a lot of ways. I have been a high achiever my entire life. When I think back, my mom is like... One time she was like, I'm so sorry that we missed this. And I'm like, well, no, It's not really shocking that you missed it. In fact, there's a lot of data and statistics around why young girls do not get diagnosed and why a lot of women in their 30s and 40s are now getting diagnosed for the first time. And women oftentimes present differently than men when it comes to ADD and ADHD. And so it's not something that I don't want my mom to feel guilt over that she missed it.

7:58I missed it. I didn't know. It shows up very differently for different people. There are different types of it. There are different presentations of it. And so now that I have this adult experience and this formal diagnosis, I've had to be a lot more introspective about my history, my past. For example, I was a very good student, but I had to work incredibly hard to retain information. I would always have anxiety before quizzes and tests. I couldn't trust myself to remember things even though I had learned them and had studied them. I was the kind of person with my brain where I would study, study, study and cram for a test and be really responsible in that preparation.

8:40But the second I took that exam, that content would just disappear from my brain. I wasn't good at retaining. And being a good student took a lot of concentration from me. I was also someone who was very interested in maximizing my time. So growing up as a kid, I was really big into gymnastics. So not just the like, you know, once a week you go and like roll and do forward somersaults. Like I had gymnastics Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday from 4.30 to 8.45. So we would practice for over four hours a day. And so given my workload as a student and my focus on gymnastics, I would have to get my homework done on the bus or during lunch period or sometimes during recess.

9:25And I would kind of figure out because I was so obsessed with gymnastics, I'd have to figure out different ways to narrow in my focus and work ahead so that I could be at practice and not be worried about schoolwork. So it's just interesting sometimes unpacking these different tendencies or things that have carried into my adulthood. And looking back and being like, well, I probably wouldn't have thought that I struggled with different things, but I didn't also realize that my brain worked in a different way. One of the things that has been really interesting and enlightening and also very tricky recently is with my hormones, my ADHD is really greatly affected.

10:03I actually didn't know this was a thing until I was talking to my friend, Sasha, who is coming up on the podcast soon. She is a psychiatrist that specializes in ADHD. And during my interview with her, she was talking about how, especially for women, hormones can deeply impact how ADHD presents even like on a monthly cycle. And I'm still breastfeeding Quinn. And so my periods are coming regularly, but I feel like my hormones are still off, like they're not leveled out. And so in the past, I never really felt a lot of effects of PMS or the week before my cycle. And recently, I've been feeling those effects a lot greater.

10:47And I can tell during that week before my cycle, when my hormones are tanking and all these things are going on, I have a really hard time focusing and I get very overwhelmed. Without fail, the last few months, the week before my period comes, I find myself crying and saying, I can't do it all anymore. I just get really, really overwhelmed. And I think obviously hormones are at play and my ADHD is at play, but it's been interesting to find that link between hormones. And I also think that since I discovered that, I also think that it makes sense to me that I was diagnosed with ADHD after I became a mom because I had learned how to cope and work and do all of these things within my life to be a high functioning, achieving CEO.

11:36But then when I had kids, one, my hormones changed massively, but two, my time evaporated. So I used to be able to work for 10 hours a day and get all these things done. Well, suddenly my time evaporates. My brain is in a million different places. I'm now caring for another human being. It's no wonder it was a massive struggle for me to figure out how to come back to work after having Coco and what did that work look like? And how do I focus on the right work? I've talked about this in a different context, but to pull it into the ADHD zone, when I first came back after having Coco, I remember just being so frustrated because I felt like I was working so hard in the business.

12:18But at the end of the day, I was like, nothing is getting done. I would literally open up my computer and be like, I don't even know what to do. I know things need to get done, but I don't even know where to begin. And I'd be so overwhelmed because I knew there were so many things that needed to get done. And then there were so many things to get done that I'd be so overwhelmed. And I created this loop for myself that made it really hard to move forward and actually get results. And I've shared about how after postpartum and coming back from maternity leave, I ended up hiring Marissa, who on my team has been my integrator, which has been such a life changer.

12:52But I never really looked at it in terms of correlation to my ADHD. I needed someone who was organized. I needed someone who would say, this is what we need from you today. I needed someone who would literally lay out my to-do list so that I could actually achieve the things that only I could achieve. And again, I think that I was able to function without out someone like Marissa for so long because I had just created this lifestyle where I could work a lot. But now I have a kid and my time has evaporated and my priorities have changed. And my brain is thinking about her nap schedule and sleep schedule and all of these different things on top of work.

13:28And now I need more structure. And so that has been an interesting link that I recently connected in terms of just looking at my history and being like, oh yeah, this makes sense. I was laughing the other day and I don't think he'll mind me sharing, But I feel like Drew and I are wired so differently. I mean, we are just... We could not be wired more differently. And I think in our situation, opposites attract. And I think that I personally need someone like Drew now that I even know more about myself and my brain. However, I also know people who marry each other. They both have ADHD and that works well for them.

14:06But I think that a lot of things have been revealed as I start to uncover more of like, how my ADHD presents and impacts me personally. And Drew is the kind of guy... When we first met in college, I remember his room in this crappy house that he rented was so organized. His bed was always made. He had these Tupperware containers in his closet with organized batteries. He was the kind of person where I could say, Do you have a AAA battery? And he could pull out the perfect tote and know exactly where it was. Whereas if somebody asked me for that, I would be opening remotes and be like, here, just take this one.

14:40This one will work. Or digging through a junk drawer and being like, I know there's one somewhere. I'll find it. That's how my brain is. And so it's been really interesting navigating because Drew is very organized. He's very routinized. He has a place for everything. Everything has a place. That is not how I am. Over the years, I have greatly moved and migrated my life in a way that helps support him and his tidiness. And I genuinely crave and love organization. It helps my messy brain when we have an organized and clean home. However, one of the sticking points as of late is I feel like he doesn't understand my brain and he can get really frustrated with me.

15:26And so for example, this week, I was very overwhelmed. I was in my PMS stage. I was in that place of like, I can't do it all anymore. Of knowing that my hormones are wreaking havoc and everything. I was very aware of all of it. But in these scenarios, it gets really hard for me to do really simple things. So for example, he cleaned and folded laundry, putting it away. I just like, I would see the pile and I would look at it and I just like, couldn't put it away. Mail, mail stresses me out probably more than anything. Opening mail. I don't know what it is. It's just something about the uncertainty of it.

16:00I don't know. I can't explain it. Mailing out packages. If I order something and I tell myself I need to return it, I can literally picture a box right now in our mudroom that needs to be returned. And I need to just process a return thing. Struggle with it. So there are these executive things that are really hard for me to do, especially when I feel overwhelmed. So the other night, we had gotten home from an evening with our family. We were going to watch a show on TV. And instead, what we ended up doing was preparing to make our week smoother. there. So we were doing paperwork. We were sending out the mail.

16:33I cleaned out my locker in our mud room. I went into my office. I cleaned it out. And figuring out ways that when I get the energy and the ability to knock all of those tasks out, I feel so much better. But when I am also so overwhelmed that I can't do those things, I also have to remind myself, this is a disorder. It is okay that you are struggling. Here's how we can get tools to get help. It's no secret that business owners are under a lot of pressure right now. We're pressured to get more leads, close deals faster, get better insights to create the best experience for customers and so much more.

17:11So how do we manage it all while still ensuring the best customer service? That's where HubSpot comes in. HubSpot is a customer relationship management tool that is easy to set up, intuitive to use and customizable to the way that you do business. Drag and drop your way to attention-grabbing emails and landing pages. Set up marketing automation to give every contact white glove treatment. Plus, AI-powered tools like Content Assistant mean less time spent on tedious manual tasks and more time for what matters most, your customers. HubSpot has all the tools you need to wow prospects, lock in deals, and improve customer service response times.

17:49Let HubSpot take the pressure off your shoulders and get started for free today at HubSpot.com. When we were young, we dreamed of castles and fairy tales. And as we grow up, those dreams might shift into building something real, like starting a business. You need a website, payment systems, a logo, and a way to reach customers. It can all be overwhelming and confusing, but thankfully, that's where today's sponsor, Shopify, comes in. Shopify powers millions of businesses around the world and 10 % of all U.S. e-commerce from big brands to folks just getting started. They offer beautiful ready-to-go website templates so you don't need design skills to look professional.

18:32Their AI tools help with product images, descriptions, discount codes, and more. Shopify also makes it simple to run email and social campaigns so people can find you. And if you ever feel stuck, their award-winning 24-7 support is always available. Turn those dreams into and give them the best shot at success with Shopify. Sign up for your$1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com slash gold digger. Go to shopify.com slash gold digger. Shopify.com slash gold digger.

19:07Introducing your new Dell PC powered by the Intel Core Ultra Processor. It helps you handle a lot, even when your holiday to-do list gets to be a lot. Because it's built with an all-day battery, plus powerful AI features that help you do it all with ease, from editing images to drafting emails to summarizing large documents to multitasking. So you can organize your holiday shopping and make custom holiday decor and search for great holiday deals and respond to holiday requests and customer questions and customers requesting custom things and plan the perfect holiday dinner for vegans, vegetarians, pescatarians, and Uncle Mike's carnivore diet.

19:44Luckily, you can get a PC that helps you do it all faster so you can get it all done. That's the power of a Dell PC with Intel Inside, backed by Dell's price match guarantee. Get yours today at dell.com slash deals. Terms and conditions apply. See dell.com for details.

20:06another thing that has been interesting for me in this process is you know i feel like mothers have this innate ability of anticipation obviously i've never lived as a father so i can't like fully speak to their experience but i feel like moms have this like special gift of like anticipating what children need anticipating their sleep schedule anticipating what snacks spring, anticipating what needs to go where. Moms have this mental motherhood brain that doesn't shut off even when you are working on other things. At least for me. This is for me. I should say this is for me. So I have this thing where I'll look at the clock and I'll think of like, okay, what are the kids doing right now?

20:50Or what do they need? Or does Drew need help with this? And so I'm trying to balance work on top of motherhood. And my brain is so bogged down with all of these thoughts. In a matter of one minute, right now, I could just tell you right now, I'm thinking about we need to pack car seats for an upcoming trip. I need to not forget Quinn's bonnet. There is sunscreen that we need to grab. We need to make sure that we have the right headphones for the airplane. I am thinking about all of these things while recording this podcast episode. I am also thinking about that box that I need to return that is driving me crazy.

21:23I'm thinking about the fact that I threw the sweatshirt that I spilled milk on into the washer and I need to run the washer before we leave for our trip. All of these thoughts are in my brain on top of doing the thing that I'm doing. And I've just learned how to work through that craziness. But I've also been really focusing and trying to empower Drew and help him to help me. So for example, we're leaving for a trip. The whole family is coming with. Historically speaking, I've done the packing for everyone. I just become the responsible party. and I was telling Drew, I'm really overwhelmed this week.

21:59I have a lot going on. So here's what I need. And we got into a slight argument because I was like, I'll double check everything before we go. And he's like, okay, well, why am I even doing it if you're just going to redo it? That was not the point, neither here nor there. But I was telling him, I just want to make sure that if we get there and you forgot something, I'm not blaming you. I want to just make sure I have this mental checklist in my head that I wish I could just export to give to you. but do your best. You know what they need. You get things packed. And then I'll just do one final quick check before we go.

22:29And so I've been trying to be better at expressing here's where I need help. But then also not micromanaging, which is really hard. It's so hard. And so that's been a sticking point for us at times and something we're both learning about. And I've also just been encouraging Drew to learn more about ADHD because I often feel like there's actually proven studies around this. I feel like since getting diagnosed, I have this tendency to gaslight myself and convince myself I don't have it. And that this is just normal. And they were wrong. And I'm normal. And I'm not really struggling. And this is how everyone's brain works.

23:11And I go through these phases where I'm like, am I just making this up? Am I just like making something out of nothing. And I also sometimes can feel gaslighted by others when it's like belittled. It's like, Drew doesn't understand the struggle of executive functions and how that weighs on me. And so sometimes I can feel like you don't understand how stressful this is. Or like, I see this pile and I know I need to do something about it. And I don't know why it is so hard for me to take action on it, but it is. And so So I've been encouraging him to also learn more about it just so he can try to comprehend what it's like to be inside of my brain.

23:53It was funny. The other night, we were getting ready for bed and we don't sleep with our phones in our rooms or devices in our room. And all of a sudden, right before I was about to fall asleep, I had five important thoughts. I was like, I need to text this one friend. I need to email this person back. I need to not forget this one thing. And all of a sudden, my brain just turned back on as I was about to wind down for bread. And so I ran downstairs and I got a notepad and a pen and I'm keeping it in my nightstand because a lot of times when I wake up in the middle of the night, my brain is racing and it's things that I'm worried I'm going to forget or I don't trust myself to remember.

24:27And so I was like, I don't have my phone next to me. I don't want to jump on and take action immediately. I need to just leave myself notes so that I can remember to follow through and that my brain can release these thoughts so that I can actually rest. And so it was like one of those things where it's like, Drew's like totally winding down, super content reading a book. And all of a sudden, I'm like, like all these things that are happening inside of my brain. And I'm like, I know I need to go to bed, but I need to like do these things that's stressing me out. And so that has just been another thing.

24:55It's just like having a notepad or like leaving myself sticky notes to remind myself. One final thing that has been really helpful. And I'm kind of laughing because the flow of this episode is 1000 % riddled with ADHD because I left myself notes but didn't really give myself a solid outline. So welcome to this. One other thing that has been helpful for me is I recently learned about time blindness. And so I am someone who, if I have an appointment on my calendar, I'm oftentimes like get ready and I'm just thinking about the appointment. I have a hard time of doing regular things leading up to the appointment.

25:32Because all I can think about is the appointment. And then a lot of times I'll be ready early before the appointment happens. And so I'll be like, Oh, I have like 20 minutes. I might as well go fold that load of clothes, or maybe I'll just do that one email that I need to get done. And all of a sudden I'll get so enraptured in whatever it is that I'm doing that all of a sudden now I'm running late. And the entire time I'm heading to my appointment, I'm berating myself because I'm now running late. I hate being late. It is probably my greatest like anxiety is like being late and making other people feel like their time is not valuable is the worst thing, in my opinion.