675: THIS Is The Biggest Misconception About ADHD

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26:45Find out how much at airbnb.com forward slash host. Let's talk about some of those strategies that are helpful. Walk us through because no matter who is listening to this, they are like high achieving, busy, slightly overwhelmed, you know, so let's walk through some of that. Are you talking about anybody? Not us. Okay. So let me tell you my journey with behavioral management, because I think that's important. Okay. So when I, so I, I go through medical school struggling with that. And for a while I was like, I absolutely don't have ADHD. And I rebelled against it. And I was like, I'm not taking any medication.

27:24There's no way. So I started to dig deeper into that hole. And that's when, you know, my parents took time out and actually started to explain things and gave me the space to do it without the pressure of school. Yeah. And so I actually immersed myself and I was like, okay, I think I do need medication. I think I do need management. So that started my journey, was on medication. And then, you know, I got done with medical school and I got into psychiatry residency where I was literally surrounded by psychiatrists and therapists, and it was great. And in that time, I moved to Phoenix from Kansas City, and I stopped being able to tolerate the medication.

28:02I like I couldn't do it. Like I passed out. I was like, I lost a bunch of weight. I would get headaches. I'd be jittery. I'd be anxious. And I was like, I really don't understand what's happening. Yeah. And it's just, you know, part of it is like my brain had been changing. Part of it is I was using behavioral techniques. I didn't necessarily need as much. So then I knew that I wanted to start to move off of it. And I tried a couple of other things, same exact response. So I tried to wean myself off of it. Went terribly, terribly. Wheels came off again when I should have been like at my most stable.

28:39But like what I noticed this time is it wasn't as much of the academic stuff, but it was my interpersonal stuff. Like I was fighting with my parents. I was fighting with my husband. I was fighting with like I just could not keep a level ground at any point. I felt like everything was shifting around me. so then I got back on medications but I really focused on the behavioral stuff because I was like eventually I want to try and so I was surrounded by this team of psychiatric and psychological professionals and they they literally were like this is how you eat this is how you sleep this is how you show up this is how you like school thank you seriously it was life school It was just like how to be a human.

29:22And so I, from that, then when I got out of residency, I was like, you know what? I'm done with like the academic stuff. I'm in practice. It's really fulfilling and enriching in my life. I don't think I knew this. I knew I wanted to have children and start that process. And I was like, you know, ideally, and again, by the way, this is not a pro or against meds because like I have needed it at many portions of my life. and even like if I need it again in the future, I will absolutely go to medications. But at that point in my life where I was trying for pregnancy and I felt like, you know, I want to see, like this is my opportunity to potentially be off of medication.

30:04I want to see if I could do it. And so since trying for my first, so I've been off of medication for about seven years. Yeah. But it's only because I cemented those behavioral techniques. So I feel very, very strongly about good behavioral management And that comes from just like we talked about before, but understanding your brain, like just deep diving, understanding this is what my brain is doing. So this is how it course correct. Yeah. So what are some things that you do when you start to feel overwhelmed or paralyzed or like aloof or anything? Do you have anything that you can share? Yeah.

30:44Yeah. So sometimes, and again, this is stemming from like, what are the circumstances around that? So when I first started going through this process where I was trying to gather information about like, what are my patterns? Like what happens to me? It didn't really have a good tracking mechanism. And so I kept it on the notes app on my phone. I would just document that kind of stuff. And I would do like, this is sleep. This is my food intake. This is my water intake. And actually part, well, I'll get into that, but like part of that app I'm creating for ADHD management focus genie, it has that built in because I was like, this is what I was doing every single day for three years to figure out what my patterns were.

31:29And if you don't use that app, just having it on your phone and being able to kind of say like, okay, this is how I was trending. So it helped me kind of understand like I'm overwhelmed. I'm literally hungry. If I eat, it will be better. Or it's overwhelmed because I haven't had a sip of water all weekend. Or I'm overwhelmed because I have been sleeping so poorly that I do not feel awake for the first six hours of the day. And then I've missed even more. But the problem with ADHD is that you don't readily recognize your patterns. I think what people do is every day, you're reinventing the wheel.

32:09You recognize there's a problem. Yeah. But you try to course correct without manipulating it or training where you're like, Oh, they slept through the night. Let's do this every single day. And then it's like the next night, it's a new thing. Yes. Yes. Yes. It's exactly like that. It's, it's just, it's really, it's so multifaceted and there's so many different variables that go into it. So it's really, really important to figure out your pattern. So that, that would be my number one advice for anything. It's find a way to, in an organized fashion, track your variables. And like with the app, the thing that I like about it, he's like back in the day when I was doing with my one of my attendings is the one who told me to do that.

32:49Yeah. He made me like, plug it into Excel. Yeah. And so I had to go back and like type all these things. And then he's like, let's see a chart. So I generate a chart. And so like with this app, what I'm doing is like you open up the app and you plug in all of those things. And then And over time, you see what you're doing. And so then if you're like, oh my God, I had this huge fight with my husband on Monday. You go back to Monday and you're like, oh, I didn't eat. Oh, I didn't sleep. Okay. And so it's easier to kind of figure out where's the hole. I have a question about this. So one thing I love about tracking, especially for women, is tracking also around your cycles.

33:26So since there are hormonal impacts, would that make sense? like if whenever I get PMS or like the week before, I don't usually have a lot of the regular PMS symptoms, but without fail, every time I'm PMSing, I will say, I can't do it all anymore. Like there is like that moment of like, I'm carrying the weight of the world and I cannot do it anymore. And then I'm like, Oh, and my period's coming. Does that impact like the monthly cycle impact your ADHD? Yes. Okay. So Jenna, what happens is that like on a very, very basic level. When your estrogen drops, which is typically what your body is trying to do when you're getting ready to expel that egg and endometrial lining and all of that stuff.

34:10When your body is ready to do that, your estrogen level drops. When that happens, estrogen and dopamine kind of hang out together and your dopamine level drops as well. And so, in that low dopamine state, you're understimulated, you're overwhelmed. There's like literally not enough gas in the tank. And the thing that's terrible is that if you look at it, half of the month is really you're in a lower estrogen state. So when I get into like, once I started understanding that, I'm not even kidding, I will plan events and stuff. Yeah. In the periods where I'm like, it's, it's after my period, I'll be fine.

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37:05that's so wild so i want to know wait can i this is somewhat personal so you can totally like switch it but is your husband neurodivergent or is he not god no no i mean he is so so he's an attorney and his brain works like i don't even understand how his brain works it's like so painfully like rigid and organized. Yes. Very much to the point where like, you know, it's like, I'm, I'm watching us 50 years in the future where he's like, I'm telling a story and I'm like all over the map and like, I've taken like 50 different tangents and then he'll like, look over the people I'm talking to and he'll summarize my story in like three like words.

37:51And I'm like, Oh, I feel like when I met drew in college, his room, like he had these like Tupperware containers with like batteries organized. Like if, if I were to ask him like, do you have a triple a battery? He would like pull out the correct tote, open it up and find it. If somebody asked me for that, I'd be like opening remote controls and like digging in junk drawers of like, I'm sure I have one somewhere. And that is like, so exemplary of our life together where it's like, Like he is like perfect. Like he knows there's a place for everything. Everything has a place. I am the opposite where I'm like chaos.

38:25And I'm like, I know where everything is in this chaos. And when you clean it, I don't know where it went. And so it's like, it's so funny. So do you have any tips for like people that have different brain types in relationships asking for a friend? I will tell you that one of the things that has helped me the most is like understanding that our brains were different because like we went from like we dated for a little bit and then I mean like not enough time to really know each other or spend a significant amount and then it became long distance because I was in residency and in that time like when we actually got engaged and lived in the same place I was just like what is what is this like I can't share my space with you.

39:16You suck. And so that like, it was so difficult for me to kind of figure out because a lot of our fights would stem around this, like my inability to, to be up to his standards of organization. And I was like, what a crazy thing to be upset about. Cause like this mess, I do not even clock it. I'm walking past it and it does not even go on my radar. Yes. So I feel like that was an underlying issue, but the bigger problem is we didn't know how to talk to each other about it. So he was like, why am I constantly telling you the same thing over and over again? You're not a child. And I'm like, why am I taking the brand to this?

39:55Because it's not a big deal. And I also don't care. Yes. So hard though. Like, cause it's like, it doesn't bother me. So like, I don't care, but then I've had to like, even, even when we were prepping for this interview, I like made a coffee, I had a spoon and I put it in the sink. And then I like thought about it and I was like, it matters to him that I wash this spoon. Doesn't matter to me, but I'm going to wash this spoon. But like, I've had to like train myself of like, this matters to them and I need it to at least subconsciously slightly matter to me. But isn't that so hard? It's so hard.

40:28It's so hard. So our fight start, like we had this biblical blowout and part of our, what that stemmed from is because I will take off fruit stickers and I'll just put them wherever like they'll be on the counter they'll be like on the toilet paper roll not toilet paper roll they'll be on like the paper towel roll they'll be on the fridge they'll be like on another fruit and he's like just put it in the trash and i was like it's sticky like i don't know why that doesn't like that doesn't bother me like that's not that weird and so that's what and he's like it's not about the fruit stickers and i was like oh but it is okay Okay.

41:05So when we, so we finally got to a spot where we were communicating at each other, but not with each other. We were just like talking around each other. And so he, it was actually his idea. He's like, let's write things down. So he wrote something and he like articulated what the issue was. I wrote something. I articulated like what this was. And then we both read each other the letters. It wasn't in response. We just wrote like where we came from and we both could hear it for the first time and look at things and like without trying to formulate our responses. Yes. And when I understood like this causes him anxiety, when I'm disorganized, it makes him feel destabilized.

41:47That gave me the motivation to be like, I need to be more mindful of this. And in that case, I had that because I will never have the internal motivation. I don't care. Yeah. I don't care. So yeah, so exactly. It's important to him. So then you start to adjust accordingly. And what I've found is that in things like that, small things, like you can start doing like little hacks to make that a little bit easier. Like for me, another thing, it's like with our Keurig, I'll always leave that gross pod in the thing or like, you know. What aliens took it out? Right? Apparently that's like a big thing.

42:25If I like, I don't know, I've never replaced. I don't unload. And I leave dishes on the side of the sink. I don't even put them in the sink instead of the dishwasher. And that drives him literally bonkers. It's like such a process too. I feel like that's why though I appreciate the work you do and like the humor that brought to it as well. Because even today, Drew is like leaving for school drop-off. He's like, where's the key to my car? I'm like, I don't know. I had it yesterday. I don't... He's like, every time you drive, I don't know where the key is. And like, and I was like, I don't know.

42:58I, I brought it in with me to the orthodontist. Oh, here it is. It's in my wallet. Like, it's interesting to see those differences. But like, for me, one of the big ones is I get so stressed out by like mail, by like shipping things. Like I never return a single thing. Right. So I'll like order stuff online. I'll be like, Oh, if it doesn't fit, I'll return it. I know I can't those tasks, like very much overwhelm me. And so like, I've had to like explain to him, Like, I just need you to run to the UPS store for me today. Like it would help me so much because it's stressing me out to see that package and knowing that like, I can't follow through on that right now.

43:32And so it's just so it's interesting, but I also cannot imagine being married to someone like me. Like if two neurodivergent brains were together, I feel like I would feel like a teenager, like an unsupervised teenager in an adult life. That's what I feel like I'd be like. There's pros and cons. I mean, there's some people that are like in like they're two neurodivergent people in the couple and it works really well because they have this place of understanding. They're working on coping skills together. I can tell you for myself, I need that because he provides that stability for me so that I can, you know, if I am a little bit more disorganized or something like that.

44:12And I felt like, and maybe unconsciously, I mean, it was unconscious, but like, I felt like when we first got together, and like, I actually was like conceptualizing, like, what would it look like if we had kids or like something like that? I remember telling my mom, I was like, you know, I really think that having kids is going to be difficult unless I have a partner that's able to like, kind of keep it together better than I can, because I think it will be really difficult to take care of a small person. I'm going to get overwhelmed. And I don't I want someone who is going to be able to stand on their feet and calm me down in that moment.

44:51So I don't necessarily know if that's a nerd version thing or anything. It's just like the complimentary part of you, I guess. And you shouldn't, you shouldn't need that. There's some people that don't even need that and they can do all of these things on their own. I know that I, I need, and I really wanted that kind of companionship to help me raise a family. I feel like even if I travel without him, I am like a frat boy in a hotel room. Like I like, and then if I'm with him, he like takes everything out of his suitcase, puts it into the drawers. And like, I'm like, oh, is this what we do as adults?

45:25Like I cannot even imagine that. No, it's just like a rummage fest every time. Yes, I know. Even like suitcases, like when we get home from a vacation, he unpacks like right away. And I'm like two months later, still digging out of the same day. Eventually all of that stuff will go. You know what? You and I can go travel together. We won't be a mess, but I am ready for it. One thing that I would love to share is if somebody is listening to this and they're like, ooh, maybe I have this, or maybe someone I love has this, or maybe I just want to learn more about it? What would you say would be some good steps to take?

45:59I think that there is... So to be totally honest with you, part of why I got onto social media in the first place is because I got really interested in talking about ADHD and explaining ADHD and doing those things. But I found there was a big hole. Because when I wanted to show patients and talk about ADHD, I didn't like the books that were out there because I'm like, they're not written for my brain. And I don't want to read this. I don't want to read this. So either they were super, super clinical. And I was like, I don't even get this. What are you talking about? I'm just so boring. Or it's like so unclinical that I'm like, this isn't giving me this isn't giving me ADHD specific information.

46:40I want something that's written about our brains and things like that. And so I've had a hard time, honestly, finding information that I feel is like now I know there's a lot more stuff out there. But I was in that spot in that journey where I was like, I don't know where to get good info. But I think part of it boils down to like, also knowing what kind of information you're going to absorb best. So if there are people that are like, I'm never going to read, then don't read, find your information some other way. go on YouTube, try to find like a good sound educational bite video, go on podcasts are great.

47:20This is such it's such important work that you do. And like other podcasters do in terms of expanding reach for, you know, talking about ADHD and also destigmatizing at the same time, that's really important. I think that there's some people I talk about social media a lot, But because it can be a useful tool. Oh, yeah. The reason I don't love social media. Well, I mean, there are a lot of reasons. But like, the reason I started on this journey to create an app in the first place is because I really like the information on social media. There's a lot of good information. It's also a lot of bad information.

47:58And even the good information isn't really organized in a great way. So like if I want to learn about rejection sensitivity, I'm at the whim of the algorithm. Like they're going to show me whatever they think is about rejection sensitivity. Some of it could be true. Some of it could not be like you're not really knowing what you get. So I think it's there is a there's a hole in terms of ADHD. Well, I think you've filled this hole in so many ways. So for everyone listening, they're like, where can I find you? Let me tell you, you are one of my favorite people to follow. So I have not like I forward every post you do to somebody because it makes me think of somebody.

48:37So this is now the time. Where can everybody find you and connect with you and learn more about you? Yeah. Okay. So I am on social media. I'm on Instagram. I'm on TikTok. I'm on YouTube, the Psych Doctor MD. I released my self-care for people with ADHD that came out in January through Simon & Schuster. And that is, I mean, that's just like, it's a book with all. And when I'm talking about self-care, it's, it's mostly like how to understand your brain, how to take care of your neurodivergent brain, but everything is like two paragraphs long. So you can literally pick, pick it up from anywhere. And I mean, I, I was not going to write a regular book.

49:21This is just like, you could pick it up from anywhere. You can read it where, wherever you want. It's just like small little digestible chunks. And then, um, You can also find me through Focus Genie, which is the app we just released, which is a comprehensive ADHD management, behavioral ADHD management platform. So it has educational modules where you can pick and choose and you can learn about every different little bit of them. And they're fun categories, Jenna. It's like stuff like that I felt were very salient in my own life, like how to recognize a toxic relationship, how to cope with a late diagnosis, how to like stuff that is actually instead of just like the run on the mill stuff, including stuff like fundamentals of diagnosis and all this other stuff, how to get diagnosed, all that.

50:09There is also that tracker that we talked about where you could literally look at over time. How did I drink? How did I eat? What is my mood like? What like how much am I fidgeting? It has a mindfulness component. And then the thing that I use the most, and I've been using it for like six or seven months now as it's been in production, it's literally a productivity tool where you can, there's a to-do list and I'm too lazy to type stuff. You can just voice record into this to-do list. You can complete them. And then it shows you insights of how much of your to-do list you're completing per day and over time.

50:44There's a task tracker where you can set it and you can either listen to music or you can body double. There can be someone doing the task with you. It's just, it's cool. I love that. I'm so excited to be a user because I just feel like too, there's been a gap in like being diagnosed, doing my own research, but there hasn't been a lot of tools. And so I'm so excited about this. I'm so happy for you. Thank you so much for coming on. We are hilarious friends. Well, we'll like text each other and then like five days later we'll respond. And then we're like, don't apologize. No, I apologize. This is how we are.

51:19So I love, I love our friendship. I can't wait to watch it grow. Thank you for coming on the podcast. Of course. Thank you for having me. I still have these pinch me moments when it comes to this show. And today's episode really felt special to me. You know, I found Dr. Amdani, who I like to call Sasha, on Instagram and seeing how her content just helped me feel seen and understood also helped me to send said content to people in my life so that they could help understand me better. It just really reminds me of the power of showing up and sharing our gifts freely. And I am just so grateful for the way that she does that.

52:00And I'm so excited about Focus Genie. It is incredible. It's beautiful. It is so easy to use. It is something for people who struggle with consistency to follow through on. And I truly just believe that there is a need for more resources for people with ADHD. And I'm just so grateful that there are humans in my life like Sasha, who are stepping in to create the types of things that will help fill those needs. I just love that I get to have these types of conversations with amazing humans. It feels like a massive blessing. So if you made it this far, especially if you have ADHD, congratulations, pat yourself on the back and take a moment to subscribe and leave a review.

52:42If you haven't done that, it helps our show so much and just helps us continue to create content that hopefully serves you and makes your life even a little bit better. Of course, until next time, gold diggers, keep on digging your biggest goals. And thank you so much for listening to another episode of the podcast. I'm over here giving you a virtual high five because you just finished another episode of the gold digger podcast. Did that go by way too fast for anyone else? If you want more, head over to gold digger podcast.com for show notes and all the discount codes from today's sponsors. And if you're looking for a new crew of movers and shakers like you to bounce ideas and ask questions, be sure to join my exclusive community for Gold Diggers on Facebook.

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