688: I Stopped Sharing My Kids' Faces On Social... Here's Why

0:01Okay, I have been on this ruthless pursuit to purge any clothes that I'm not actually wearing. Like if I haven't reached for it in months, it's got to go. I am trying to be really intentional about what I bring into my closet right now, which means I am only buying pieces that I know I will actually wear and use. Revolve just gets it though. I'm literally wearing my brown Autry sneakers from there right now and my new suede purse. It fits my laptop in it. So it's basically a fancy shoulder bag that works for everything. I love finding pieces like that. Things that look good, but also work hard for my actual life.

0:35Their holiday shop is live right now with all the good stuff. Sparkly party dresses, cozy sets, cute gifts, everything you need for whatever is on your calendar. And it's all in one place, which makes shopping feel way less overwhelming. Whether it's a weekend away, a big night out or a holiday party, your dream wardrobe is just one click away. Head to revolve.com forward slash gold digger, shop my edit and take 15 % off your first order with the code gold digger. Fast two day shipping, easy returns. it's literally the only place you need to shop from. That's revolve.com forward slash gold digger to shop by favorites and get 15 % off your first order with the code gold digger offer available for a limited time.

1:15So happy shopping. I want them to enter rooms to enter classrooms to be involved in different things without this lens of their portrayal on the internet. And I never want them to feel like they are a part of a performance. Hey, my name is Jenna Kutcher and I am obsessed with all things business, marketing numbers, and helping you to navigate both the messy and the magical seasons of this thing called life. I'm a small town mama who took a$300 camera, grew a successful photo biz, and now I work from home and run a seven figure online business. I teach you the tried and true secrets to building a career you adore.

1:55Shy away from the real talk? No way. Money, hardship, growth, loss, and marketing are all topics we discuss here. Think of this as your one-stop shop for happy hour with a gal pal mixed with business school. Pull up a seat, make sure you're cozy and get ready to be challenged and encouraged while you learn. This is the Gold Digger podcast. If you read the title of this podcast episode, or you follow me online today, I am sharing a little bit more about our decision to no longer share our children's faces on the internet. We have had a lot of discussions behind the scenes over the years about this very topic.

2:30And today I am bringing this topic to the mic and to you. I'm going to be talking about our decision, how we got here, our history and sharing the challenges of making this decision, and ultimately how it's felt with the shift in the way that we create and share around our lives. I hope that this is an interesting discussion for you to listen to. Let's dive on in. Pop quiz. Who do you think is more popular these days? Taylor Swift or ChatGPT? Now, although our feeds are flooded with hype around the era's tour, ChatGPT is actually beating Taylor Swift in search volume, which tells us that the AI revolution is upon us.

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3:49Again, that's hubspot.com slash artificial dash intelligence to check out these tools for yourself. I feel like this goes without saying, but I first just want to kick off this conversation saying, I'm not an expert in this. I am an experimenter and I'm sharing the results that my experiment has yielded for me personally. I also want you to know that I do not judge whatever you choose to do and how you navigate the online world in regards to your life and your family's lives. This is not meant to be any sort of conversation that feels condemning. The opposite. I want this to be a podcast episode that you listen to that maybe enlightens you or leaves some questions in your mind that only you can answer.

4:33So I'm just going to very candidly walk through how we got to here to this place where we have decided that we no longer want to show our children's faces on the internet. So first things first, I have been thinking about this for a very long time. I feel like I have been on this internal battle since Coco was born of like, what is sacred? What do we share? How much do we share? What does this sharing look like? What is she involved in? and it's something that I've grappled with. I've even talked about it on this show and I can think of certain instances where I am in conversation with other parents saying, I don't know the answers here.

5:14Like I think about this all the time. It is something that has taken up so much brain space in my life of figuring out what does this look like? What do boundaries look like? What is the difference between privacy and secrets? How do we navigate this in a way that feels good and lets people in, but also keeps the sacredness of our family. And it's interesting because anytime I bring it up with other moms specifically, they have the same internal dialogue that I have. I mean, if you really think about it, we are like the first generation bringing another generation up in this digital era. Like our parents didn't have to go through this.

5:55They didn't have to make these decisions. And it's something that we're navigating without a roadmap. And so for me, I have thought about this forever. And it's something that Drew and I have talked about a lot. And we've gone back and forth on what does this look like? What feels good to us? What makes sense? It was really interesting because Mother's Day, there was just something about it this year, where it was like the final straw for me. I don't know how to describe it. and we went out to brunch with my family and we got home and I was just thinking about like, what do I want to share about Mother's Day?

6:31Because Mother's Day historically for me has been a really challenging day. There were three years of my life where Mother's Day was the worst. And this year, you know, I was thinking about, you know, how do I want to celebrate being a mom? And how do I want to share my kids? And all of a sudden I just had this very like instinctual reaction of like, I don't think I want to share my kids anymore. And I sat down with Drew and I'm like so formal when it comes to making these decisions. I am like an all or nothing person. It's always how I've been. It's just something within me. And so I was like, for the next 30 days, I don't want to share the kids' faces.

7:07And he was like, okay, cool. And I was like, no, like, listen to me. Like, I'm going to do this for the next 30 days. We are not sharing the kids' faces. And he's like, okay, cool. I was like, no, like, this is a big deal. Like we're going to do this. And so I had to kind of create this like incubator of this experiment for me. And we chose to not announce it. Like I was very, very cautious in how I wanted to navigate the change and just like experiment with it and see how it went. And I didn't want any pressure from other people. I didn't want to announce it and make a big deal about it. I just wanted to try it out and see how it felt as a creator, how it felt as a mom, how it felt navigating, sharing my life online and making this shift.

7:51And so it was really interesting because Mother's Day was the first day where I was like, okay, we're done. We're just done. Which is such an interesting thing because I think as a mom, it just speaks to some of those maternal instincts that you might have. And that's usually a day where you're blitzing your kids all over the internet because they're the cutest dang things on planet earth. And being a mom is the best and hardest job of your life. And for me, it was this day of like, recognizing that my children are like the most important thing to me in my entire life. And for me right now, I am making this choice to give them more privacy and to protect them.

8:27It was just a really interesting thing. You know, it's interesting because we've been kind of experiencing this shift in our lives for years. And we just never talked about it. Drew used to share a ton of his life online. In fact, I loved seeing that stay-at-home dad role being really proudly shared. And Drew used to post multiple times a week and let people in on his life as a stay-at-home dad. And he kind of had a last straw moment years ago. and what's interesting is and what people don't really understand is that we have people that impersonate our accounts on a daily basis they rip off our photos they create fake bitcoin accounts and try to scam people using our images and that also includes images of our children and i remember the first time that drew this was brought to drew's attention we both just like felt sick to our stomach and they weren't doing anything like bad with our photos, but they were just using them.

9:28And it was like this reminder of like what you put on the internet, you can't control. And when that happened, Drew just stopped sharing. Like he was like, I hate this. And I totally get that. I understand that it took me longer to get to that point. And again, we have always been pretty private in what we share about our children and how we like censor things and what is on the internet. But just kind of seeing that lack of control of what happens when you put things onto the internet. That was it for Drew. He stopped sharing. I think he's posted maybe twice in the last two years. And so it's something that we've literally been talking about forever.

10:07For me, it's also been really interesting as Coco grows up, she is starting to get recognized in places. We went to get our nails done a month or two ago at a nail salon and someone recognized her before they recognized me. And that was a really like hard stop moment for me as a mom of like, she is now at this age where people can go up to her and they feel like they know her and she doesn't know them. And she gave me this look in her eyes of like, mom, who is this person? And it really like made me pull back of like, oh my gosh, like I know how to navigate this. I chose this. This was my choice.

10:50But as a child, she doesn't get it. And she's so smart. So she knows who our friends are. She knows all that. She knows what I do for a living as much as a four and a half year old brain can conceptualize it. But at that moment, at the nail salon, it really woke me up to a lot of different things. It really got me thinking about this a lot more seriously of just like this career, this platform, it's my choice. And she was not at all offended or turned off or anything. But I just saw the questions in her eyes of like, how does this person know who I am? And like, I don't know who they are. And like, that to me was a big wake up call, right?

11:29Like, just in the sense of having her navigate life on her terms and what does that look like? And also from a place of protection, right? You know, we're really fortunate that we are always with our kids. We don't have outside help and we've never had outside help since Coco was born. Beyond my mom coming to babysit graciously every so often, we've had one other person watch our kids and that has been for a handful of date nights. And that's one of Conley's school teachers. And so, you know, we have a very, very tight circle and we're always with our children and navigate situations like that.

12:08Like if we meet you guys out in the real world, it's amazing. Like I absolutely love meeting our listeners and my readers and people that are a part of this platform. It is like, honestly, something that just lights a fire in me, but I also want to approach it from a place that feels protective of my children. And so that was just a moment where I was like, okay, we're getting to a point where she's old enough to understand these things. People are able to recognize her. What does this look like? It's interesting because I have been able to watch other people make this transition online. People that I respect.

12:48One of my favorite accounts that I follow is Amber Fillerup. And she's a very successful entrepreneur. She was also a really big blogger. And she was a mommy blogger for a long time amongst other things that she shares. And she made this transition years ago and me watching her do it and being so curious about like, how is she going to navigate this from a content standpoint? What is this going to look like? Like I know her children's names. Like I was always very connected to her relationship with her kids. And I was so lucky to be able to, as I started to kind of have these deeper inklings and want to experiment without showing our kids faces online.

13:24I was able to reach out to people like Amber and have conversations like, what did this look like for you? And how has it impacted you? And one thing that Amber said to me privately that just really, really resonated with me is she said, I fear that down the line, we could regret sharing our kids. And she said, I just had this hunch that I will never regret keeping their privacy sacred. And that really, really stood with me. And it's interesting because watching someone like Amber do it and make that transition and no longer share her kids' faces online for years, she still shares motherhood in a way that I relate to in a way that resonates while maintaining her kids' privacies.

14:07And what's so interesting to me as a follower is that I just have a deep respect for her as a mother. Like I love that choice for her and for her kids. And I hope that people that are watching us make this change too. I hope that they understand that. I think at the root of it, most of us can understand a shift like this, especially with a really public platform. But I also think too, I hope that there's also this respect for that choice. And so far, that's what I've experienced. You know, it's really interesting. We're in this era and I kind of touched on it, but like the first mommy bloggers children are now coming into adulthood.

14:44I was just talking to someone the other day. And do you guys remember that show on TLC, John and Kate Plus 8? Those kids are now adults. And there's just so much coming out of these kids who are kind of forced into the limelight or forced into these different platforms coming out. And some of them expressing some of the benefits of it, of course, but also expressing some of the detriments of what that was for them, for their privacy, for their upbringing, for their expectations around them and their lives. And it's just such an interesting time to be a parent and to be navigating these conversations and these decisions and trying to figure out what does this look like?

15:20For a long time, when I was kind of on the fence about it, there's this part of me that's like, well, everyone shares their kids. People with 200 followers share their kids. People with 2 million followers share their kids. Everyone shares their kids. That's just a part of the internet. Like every kid is going to have, you know, this digital scrapbook of their life when they grow up. And there's a part of me that kind of used that excuse of like, well, everyone's doing it as like, well, it's okay. Obviously, it's okay that we're doing this. And it's so interesting because, you know, looking back, I don't want to say I regret sharing our kids.

15:54I don't because for me, especially after the journey that we went through to get to them, like I feel like Coco, Coco, I feel like I'm getting emotional, but like, I feel like Coco's existence was like this bright shining light for so many people who navigate miscarriage, who navigate those seasons of waiting and sharing her was just like such a joy. It was like this breath of fresh air after such a struggle. Right. And for so many people that followed us so closely through our journey of navigating loss and trying again and trying again. And what does this look like? And how do we pivot the business to support the life and all these things showing like, there is hope, there's this light at the end of the tunnel that you might be in.

16:43You know, it was such a blessing. And I don't necessarily regret it. There are things that I would maybe do differently. And maybe I'll share those because maybe if you don't have children yet, or you're thinking about having children, or you're hoping to have children, one thing that I wish I would have maybe done differently is not share my children's full names on the internet and share just nicknames from the very beginning. I had given this advice to one of my friends who has a very public platform, millions of followers. And ever since her son was born, she's only shared his first initial.

17:15And I had shared that with her of just like, I kind of wish I would have just shared a nickname so that their full names aren't searchable, like things like that. Like I looking back, I maybe would have done that differently. And it's really interesting because when I announced this shift in how we were showing up, there are a few people that were like, it's too late. It's too late. You've already shared them. Why are you making this shift now? Blah, blah, blah. And to me, it is never too late to change your mind. It is never too late to evolve. It is never too late to say I was wrong, or it's never too late to say, I'm going to try something different.

17:47I don't buy into that. I don't buy into that idea that it's too late. I think that now is the best time to move forward. And that's exactly what we're doing. You know, it was interesting because I'm a part of this mastermind with other moms who happen to be CEOs. It's a CEO mama mastermind led by my friend, Natalie Ellis. And on one of the calls, we had this deep discussion about this topic. And I feel like almost every single mom on that call, especially moms with personal brands, talked about this, this wavering idea of like, should I, shouldn't I, what can I share? How should I share? What do I say?

18:25All of these things. And I just think it's a conversation that needs to be had and brought up more, especially for those of us who share motherhood as an aspect of our brand. Let's be honest. It is a part of our personality, but it's also a piece of our brand. And I have always been super conscious around what does it look like in terms of like children as content. Like that is not something I've ever felt in my journey of motherhood of like, I'm just using my kids for content. I know people can think that watching different people navigate motherhood on the internet, specifically people who do share motherhood content, but I've always tried to approach it from this place of like, this is my experience in motherhood.

19:13And this is how I'm navigating motherhood, trying to tell my side of the story without trying to fill in the blanks of theirs. And it was just so interesting having this conversation with all these high level CEOs of like motherhood is such a huge part of our identities. It's a huge part of our lives. It's a huge part of how we do business. It's a huge part of why we do business. So how do we navigate that? And so it was really interesting because in my experiment, I experimented for 30 days and didn't tell anyone. I literally told my mom and my sister. And that was it. And I did this experiment for 30 days.

19:47And then I started talking about it a little bit more behind the scenes with some of my friends. And it was so interesting because I pulled my audience when we were about 30 days into the shift and said, have you noticed any changes in my content? And it was so fascinating because about 50 % of my audience had noticed that I stopped sharing their faces. And the other half of my audience had no idea, right? You know, we have still been sharing our kids, just no faces. And I honestly don't know if we'll eventually transition to not sharing them at all. I'm not there yet, but I could see it going that direction.

20:24We'll see, but not sharing their faces feels like a really good starting place. And also a way for me to still show my life because my kids are with me all the time. They're at the grocery store right now. And I'm praying they're not going to come busting into this room as I record this, but we're together all the time. Our family unit is always together. My kids are a huge part of my life. I'm there every day when they wake up, I'm there putting them to sleep every night. It is a massive part of my life. It's a huge part of my why. And so to just wipe out and obliterate that piece of my life, especially in how I show up, doesn't feel right.

21:01And so not showing their faces feels like a really great step in a direction of again, maintaining their privacy and their identities while still allowing me to connect in a way of like, this is my life. This is my reality right now, right? This is how we're navigating it. Quick recommendation for you. If you love Gold Digger, check out My First Million hosted by Sam Parr and Sean Puri. Brought to you by the HubSpot Podcast Network, My First Million features guests like Alex Ramosi, Sophia Amoruso, and Rob Dyrdek. They're sharing their secrets on how they made their first million and how to apply their learnings to capitalize on today's business trends and opportunities.

21:40I was just listening to them talk about Sean's AI plan dinner with tech billionaires, something I cannot relate to, but I am utterly curious about. And it was honestly so clever and also hilarious how he used chat GPT to create the menu. You're going to love their candid business conversations, industry observations, and world-class advice. Listen to My First Million today, wherever you get your podcasts.

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23:30Revolve just gets it though. I'm literally wearing my brown Autry sneakers from there right now and my new suede purse. It fits my laptop in it. So it's basically a fancy shoulder bag that works for everything. I love finding pieces like that. Things that look good, but also work hard for my actual life. Their holiday shop is live right now with all the good stuff. Sparkly party dresses, cozy sets, cute gifts, everything you need for whatever is on your calendar. And it's all in one place, which makes shopping feel way less overwhelming. Whether it's a weekend away, a big night out, or a holiday party, your dream wardrobe is just one click away.

24:07Head to revolve.com forward slash gold digger, shop my edit and take 15 % off your first order with the code gold digger. Fast two-day shipping, easy returns. It's literally the only place you need to shop from. That's revolve.com forward slash gold digger to shop my favorites and get 15 % off your first order with the code gold digger offer available for a limited time. So happy shopping. You're already so close to having everything you need to transform your ideas. Those little sparks into your brain, into something real, far too many good dreams die before they've had the chance to grow. Fear stomps them out.

24:43Lack of planning keeps them quiet. And we're committed to changing that today. Are you ready? My Gold Digger Printable Planner is here to help you map out every plan, list, tracker, and prompt that you need in order to achieve your personal goals, your business dreams, or your wellness vision. Whatever your ideas are, you are equipped to plan and play. Snag the Gold Digger Planner at jennacutcher.com slash golddiggerplanner for the resources to get that dream down on paper so that it can finally grow. That's jennacutcher.com slash gold digger planner. So what's interesting is, and I've talked about this before, but I kind of want to bring it up, is that social media has been amazing for me, my business, and my family.

25:31It's been a huge piece of the puzzle in terms of how I've been able to grow what I've grown, how I've been able to navigate a decade of entrepreneurship, how I've been able to pivot multiple times. And one of the decisions that we made very early on is any content that our children are in where we are getting paid to create that content, our kids get every penny of it. So our children have six figures of earnings by the age of one that wouldn't have been possible without social media. And I really had to weigh it out early on and say, you know, is my kid when they're 25 years old, is my kid going to be upset with me that I got paid thousands of dollars for them to be sleeping in a Dock of Tot and to be in a photo?