714: How to Actually Make and Keep Friends as a Busy Entrepreneur

0:01Okay, I have been on this ruthless pursuit to purge any clothes that I'm not actually wearing. Like if I haven't reached for it in months, it's got to go. I am trying to be really intentional about what I bring into my closet right now, which means I am only buying pieces that I know I will actually wear and use. Revolve just gets it though. I'm literally wearing my brown Autry sneakers from there right now and my new suede purse. It fits my laptop in it. So it's basically a fancy shoulder bag that works for everything. I love finding pieces like that. Things that look good, but also work hard for my actual life.

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1:15So happy shopping. We usually only reach out to people when we actually need something from them. And we miss the ability to connect without reciprocity being at play or without advice being needed. It's just like a true and honored connection. Hey, my name is Jenna Kutcher and I am obsessed with all things business, marketing numbers, and helping you to navigate both the messy and the magical seasons of this thing called life. I'm a small town mama who took a $300 camera, grew a successful photo biz, and now I work from home and run a seven figure online business. I teach you the tried and true secrets to building a career you adore.

1:53Shy away from the real talk? No way. Money, hardship, growth, loss, and marketing are all topics we discuss here. Think of this as your one-stop shop for happy hour with a gal pal mixed with business school. Pull up a seat, make sure you're cozy, and get ready to be challenged and encouraged while you learn. This is The Gold Digger Podcast. So you're listening to a podcast called The Gold Digger, and it likely would not surprise you that I'm someone who loves to set intentional goals. And one of my goals for this year was to really be thoughtful at fostering more adult relationships, specifically with other women in my life.

2:30You know, it's funny, I actually had an article that went up onto like Good Morning America about how so many of us women are lonely, and we're feeling really isolated. And we're coming up from generations that talk about how it like takes a village to raise children. And we're looking around and we feel broken because we don't have a village. And today's episode is not meant to say I figured it all out because I'm still very deep in the process. However, in reflecting on how this year has panned out, I have found some really beautiful trends to how I've been able to cultivate and focus on really deep and special relationships with other women in my life and just how enriching that experience has been.

3:19So consider today's episode very much a topic still in process, but something that I want to kind of peel back the curtain on and hopefully provide some tangible takeaways that you can apply in your life. If you are someone who is tuning in today and you feel lonely or you see other people who have this group of girlfriends and you're like, why am I all alone staring at these posts on Instagram without a friend in sight? Let's break it down today and walk away feeling empowered to foster beautiful relationships as your life continues to unfold. Are you ready? Let's dive on in. What if you could find, track, and close deals all in one place?

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4:39Visit HubSpot.com slash sales to learn more. That's HubSpot.com slash sales. This episode is sponsored by Dose, expertly formulated organic wellness shots that support your liver in one delicious drink. Go to dosedaily.co slash gold digger and use the code gold digger for 15 % off your first order, plus an additional 15 % off if you subscribe for a monthly delivery. So this is a topic that is not new to the show. In fact, I did an episode, episode number 548, where I talked about who is in my close circle. I have this belief that there are five different types of friendships that we should have in our life.

5:21And I kind of want for you to do a quick inventory before we dive on into the tactical advice. So the types of friendships, and I cover this at length in episode 548, which we've linked in today's show notes and show description, but the five different types of friends include lifelong friends. So for me, those are my high school friends. Those are my college friends. Those are my friends who knew me before I ever had this business or this platform. Then there are life stage friends. So these are people who are at a very similar life stage as me. So for me in this stage of my life, these are local moms that I want to connect with.

5:58There are likeness friends, people who have similar interests, hobbies, or career. For me right now, it's my entrepreneurial friends. Then there are the love friends, or as I call them, the unconditional love friends. For me, this is my family, the people who know you better than yourself that can call you out. And then lastly, leadership friends. So these are mentors or peers who excel in areas that you are hoping to grow. So again, to recap, it's lifelong friends, life stage friends, likeness friends, love and leadership. And so I love to kind of think of relationships from the most enriching way and how powerful it is to have just a variety of friends in your life that can support you in different ways, right?

6:43There are friends who you are going to go to for advice on motherhood or marriage. There are friends who are you, you are going to go talk about marketing strategies to. And there's something beautiful about having a very rich group of friends so that you feel supported, so that you build that village that you're looking for. And so I love that episode. Go on back if you haven't listened to it, or if this is a topic you want to go a little bit deeper on. But I want for you to be thinking about these different types of friendships and relationships in your life, even if they fizzled out, so that you can start to think about, okay, who do I want in my corner?

7:18Right. We've all heard that quote of like, you're like the five people you spend the most time with. And so it's like, how do you cultivate friendships with five people who know you, who love you, who support you and who encourage you? So I have been doing this practice in my life literally for a decade. I've shared it multiple times on this podcast, but every single day I try to reach out to at least three people. Now this all started back in the day when I was huge into CrossFit and it was like a 20 minute drive and I would just sit and listen to music and I would just let people pop into my mind.

7:53And I am someone who doesn't believe that people just like pop into my mind randomly. I feel like there's always a reason whether I'm praying to God of like, who needs encouragement or who needs that outreach today? Or I feel like the universe is just pointing me in this direction of like, you need to get in touch with this person. I love reaching out to at least three people a day. I would say that most days, I'm probably reaching out to five people a day. Does it take time? Absolutely. But does it allow for a deeper connection entirely? So a lot of times, if it's someone I haven't talked to in a while, I will say, hey, no need to respond just to know that I'm thinking of you.

8:30If you have a minute, I would love to hear how you're doing or if there's anything I can do to support you. If it's someone that I talk to every single day, I'll usually send a voice memo of, hey, what's going on? This is what I've got on my plate today. This is what I'm doing. And so I love just connecting with people. One thing that was really powerful that happened at the beginning of the year that helped me really set this intention of like going deeper with friendships is I was in a mastermind with a lot of the top thought leaders in the world. And we were all going around and just kind of sharing how we were doing.

9:01And so many people had just said that like I had been this voice of encouragement for them over the year. And I think a lot of times when we do those outreaches, maybe you don't hear back. Maybe that person's super busy or swamped. Maybe they haven't responded to texts in like five days. You sometimes wonder, like, does it even matter? And it was wild as people went around how many people had just said that like, oh, Jenna, like you were there for me when I went through this or you reached out on the perfect day. And I'm not saying this to like toot my own horn by any means, but I remember leaving and my best friend, Amy Porterfield was next to me and she said, I knew you were a really great friend to me, but I am blown away by how you've been a great friend to so many people.

9:41And I think that that doesn't just happen. It's through intentionality. And so maybe you just start, you set a reminder for a certain time every day and you just reach out to people. And here's what I think happens a lot is that we usually only reach out to people when we actually need something from them. And we miss the ability to connect without reciprocity being at play or without advice being needed. It's just like a true and honored connection. And I love just touching base with people or saying that I'm thinking of you. Someone actually recently did this to me and it was on a day that I was just having a crappy day.

10:18And it was my friend, Jonathan. And he was like, Hey, just to note that I'm thinking of you and your family, like, I hope you're doing well. And like, it arrived at like the perfect time. And so it's like, if you can do that for other people, that's a very simple practice. And it allows you to kind of get in conversation or be there in support. And you never know what people are going through on a day-to-day basis. And so being that person that just says, hey, you matter can make a huge difference. Look, I've become kind of a systems nerd and anything that gives me more space in my day, I'm all in.

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12:49so one thing in reflecting on this year and why I really wanted to do this episode is I'm very proud that this year I've been able to deeply connect with so many of my friends from all different stages of life I'm talking my high school friends my college roommates my friends from Wisconsin in before I even started a business, my entrepreneurial friends, I have been really, really intentional this year at setting aside time just for connection. And it's really interesting because there were a lot of years as an entrepreneur that I will admit that I was really lonely. I was like head down in the work.

13:32I felt like I didn't have time for friendship. And I think a lot of people do that, right? Like we almost feel like there's this ultimatum, Like either I am like doing all the work, my computer's open 24 seven, or like, I don't have time for a coffee date with that friend. What I've realized is that every single time I get together with someone, something beautiful happens. Maybe I have a new realization. Maybe I have something new that I'm curious about. Maybe I got to instill some knowledge in them, whatever that is. It is a beautiful exchange. And I don't know if you're like me, but every time I have plans, like the day of the plans, I am so tempted to cancel.

14:13Like I am that person where I'm like, if somebody just says that we cancel, I'll be totally fine staying home. Like I'm such a homebody. But when we follow through, I am always so grateful. Like it is always just like, we need to do this more. Like that's how we feel about it. So I have been able to do a lot of getaways. Now let me preface this and say, I recognize that it is a privilege to be able to have childcare, to be able to afford to do a getaway, to be able to travel, to be away from my children, whatever that looks like. But this year I've been able to do actual getaways with a plethora of my friend groups.

14:47And that is something that when I think of this year, the highlights of my year are so much centered around those little getaways. And so how we did it, that worked really well. If you are like, okay, next year, I just want to do one weekend getaway with my girlfriends, plan in advance, choose a neutral location. So nobody is busy hosting, commit financially, and then show up. Even just getting the date on the calendar can feel impossible. We had eight of us who are speakers and entrepreneurs who are launching things, who are mothers. And somehow we all got together in a neutral location. And I think that part of that was we all put a deposit down.

15:28Even if it wasn't required, I would say get some skin in the game so people show up. And it really helps if you can get that buy-in so that people don't back out at the last minute. There's a reason why they're going to be there. And so plan in advance, choose a neutral location, commit financially, and then show up. So one of the things that has been newer for me, and I actually expressed this on a podcast episode, is I really had a deep desire to connect with other local moms. I feel like I was just telling someone yesterday, I was like, they asked how I was doing. And I'm like, I feel like I am finally coming out of the fog that comes from being a new mom.

16:07And like, I am five years into motherhood, right? But when I think about my journey, I've had four pregnancies, two children, I've been pregnant or breastfeeding, I'm still breastfeeding. So over the last like five, six years, I've either been pregnant or nursing pretty much the entire time. And so I feel like I'm finally coming out of that that like survival mode. And one of my biggest goals was like, I really want to connect with other local moms. And so Drew and I went to this fundraiser for Coco's school. And we honestly knew maybe four people there total. It was like this huge gala, people were all dressed up, super fun.

16:47And we recognize that because of COVID and the pandemic, we missed out on like the traditional experience for new parents when their kid enters school. Like there was no like meetups or like abilities to, you know, participate in the classroom or, you know, there's all these activities and things that usually allow other parents to connect that had been totally removed because of the pandemic. And so Coco is three years into her school journey at a local Montessori school. And like, we didn't know any parents and Drew does drop off and pick up every day. So like he'll see parents at like the pickup and drop off line, but like, I don't ever get exposed to other moms.

17:27And so I was like, I really want to make an intentional effort to connect with other moms. And so when we went to that gala, we kind of put ourselves out there and we started meeting other parents. And at that gala, one of the parents bid on an auction item of this like parents night out dinner at one of our favorite restaurants local. And so we got invited by them to go to this dinner. and from that dinner we started this text thread and now we literally check in on each other like every couple of weeks and we plan one meetup every single month so there's like six of us moms we did brunch after school drop off one day right now we're planning like a dinner night and it has just been so refreshing to be with other parents who are in a similar stage who are also you know care about different things and one thing that I've really realized especially with friendships is like, our world is so polarizing right now.

18:21Like it is so hard to connect with people and to know like, okay, do they parent the way that I do? Do they politically align with the things I align with? Are they in the same area of their faith as I am? And there's just so many areas of our world today and the media today that make us feel like it is a this or that. There is no room for like a both and, or even just a deeper understanding. And I think what is so hard, especially with friendships, is that we almost create these echo chambers, either knowingly or unknowingly, where we are only getting fed one side of the narrative. And I remember the first dinner that we went out with all the moms, it was so refreshing, because we were talking about like all different realms from marriage to politics to gun control to parenting styles.

19:10And it was just nice because we didn't all align on all of the things, but we had this beautiful, rich discussion where I was like, okay, we're not just all going to sit together and say, how was things? How are you doing? Great. Fine. Busy. Wonderful. Like we were actually going to talk about real stuff and it was just really refreshing. So we started a group text thread, which I'm going to talk about in a minute. But like, I love this group of moms. Cause like the other night, one of them texted and was like, keep it real. How many times a week do you actually bathe your kids? And like, we're all just like laughing and like sending emojis and things like that.

19:42And it's just nice to have a group of local women who are in a similar stage who also can remind you about things like sending vegetables to school with your kid for when they make stone soup and things like that. So the other thing I will say is like, if you are in a parenting season, I love playdates. Like usually Saturdays, we'll do a playdate with someone. And that way we get in adult conversations. The kids get to have fun. And so like, I was not someone who historically enjoyed hosting. And since we moved into our new house, I'm like, everyone come over, let's all hang out, let the kids do what they want to do.

20:18Let us adults try to have conversation. And so if you can incorporate motherhood into friendship and find other moms that you connect with, oh my gosh, there are also things like local mops groups, doing mommy and me activities, lingering at the school pickup and drop offline, going to parks. We meet so many families at different parks or out on hikes. And so that was something that has been really enriching and just something that I want to continue to foster. Do you like fast paced and packed with value stories of successful entrepreneurs from failures to aha moments to what's working for them today?

20:51If so, you will love Entrepreneurs on Fire hosted by my friend, John Lee Dumas. Entrepreneurs on Fire stokes inspiration and shares strategies to fire up your entrepreneurial journey and create the life you've always dreamed of. Their recent episodes about starting an RV rental business, the future of real estate, and how to cultivate a mindset of resilience have all got my wheels turning on how to generate more revenue and fulfillment. Listen to Entrepreneurs on Fire wherever you get your podcasts. Obviously, health has been a huge focus for me in the last few years and doses expertly formulated organic wellness shots have become a staple in my daily routine.

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22:11That's 30 % off your first order. Go to DoseDaily.co slash Gold Digger and use the code Gold Digger. That's DoseDaily.co slash slash gold digger and use the code gold digger. Okay. So speaking of group texts, hear me out on this. I know that you've been in group text chains where you are dying to get off of them, or you never asked to be on them, but I have found so much power in having really beautiful group text conversations. That way, when you are in a group text thread, it leaves room for more people to carry the conversation. That way you don't feel this urgency to respond or this guilt of like, Oh my God, I don't have time to respond right now.

22:53Oh, I'm dropping the ball. They're going to think I'm mad at them. And so I love good group text threads where you can like hive mind, or you can all kind of collaborate whenever, or, you know, you can respond in five to 10 business days, whatever that looks like. Most of my group texts are like three people. So like my college roommates, my friends in Wisconsin, we have these small group text threads, but it allows us to stay in the loop with each other with less back and forth communication without feeling like you have to like touch base with all these individual people. And so I love it. Like even today I talked to my college roommates.

23:24We were talking about business and marriage. I talked to my Wisconsin friends. We were brainstorming a job title for one of my friends who's moving in a new direction with her business. I talked to the mom friends. We were coordinating a dinner out. And so it's like, again, it doesn't have to take a ton of time, but I love actual group texts just because it takes the pressure off. It allows you to connect with more people with less time involved. And it also just allows a place where you can like ask questions. Like I am notorious. I used to tease my mom growing up. We used to tell her like, mom, you are like 21 questions.

23:54It's so embarrassing when our friends come over. And now I have turned into that person. That's probably why I host podcasts. But I love asking like, what are you working on? What are you proud of yourself for? What are you leaving behind it? Now I understand most people, if you like texted them that they'd be like, what do you want? Or like, what are you working on? But if people get to know you as that person who's asking those real questions in their life, they're going to appreciate it. And so I just love that. I think group texts, I'm giving it two thumbs up. Okay. Another fun way, if you are a reader, start a book club.

24:23It can be super informal. You could meet on zoom. Growing up, my mom always had this sewing club with her friends. They never once brought a needle and thread. Like they called it sewing club and I loved it. It was this cute way for once a month, they would get together, they would rotate around whose house they went to. It was like six women. They would all drink wine and connect. And like, I loved seeing that as an example of ways that my mom fostered relationships. And during COVID, we actually started a book club. So it was just my family and another family that we grew up in. All the women do this book club.