715: Reclaiming Radical Self-Love with Jada Pinkett Smith

0:01Okay, I have been on this ruthless pursuit to purge any clothes that I'm not actually wearing. Like if I haven't reached for it in months, it's got to go. I am trying to be really intentional about what I bring into my closet right now, which means I am only buying pieces that I know I will actually wear and use. Revolve just gets it though. I'm literally wearing my brown Autry sneakers from there right now and my new suede purse. It fits my laptop in it. So it's basically a fancy shoulder bag that works for everything. I love finding pieces like that. Things that look good, but also work hard for my actual life.

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1:15So happy shopping. There is no weapon that can be forged against you. If you really believe in who you are. Hey, my name is Jenna Kutcher and I am obsessed with all things business, marketing numbers, and helping you to navigate both the messy and the magical seasons of this thing called life. I'm a small town mama who took a$300 camera, grew a successful photo biz, and now I work from home and run a seven figure online business. I teach you the tried and true secrets to building a career you adore. Shy away from the real talk? No way. Money, hardship, growth, loss, and marketing are all topics we discuss here.

1:56Think of this as your one-stop shop for happy hour with a gal pal mixed with business school. Pull up a seat, make sure you're cozy and get ready to be challenged and encouraged while you learn. This is the Gold Digger Podcast. Jada Pinkett Smith was living what many would view as a fairy tale of Hollywood success, but appearances can be deceiving. And she felt more and more separated from her sense of self as emotional turmoil took hold. Today on the Gold Digger Podcast, we'll talk about what it took to find and heal herself from the depths of depression as an ambitious mom and wife in the media spotlight.

2:33Her brand new memoir titled Worthy chronicles her life as told by her without a filter. In a media-driven landscape that crafts narratives for our celebrity, she shares herself in an intimate conversation with readers. She even answers questions about her difficult childhood, her marriage, her parenting style, her career choices, and the intense scrutiny that followed the slap. In our conversation, Jada talks about the difference between the hero's journey and the heroine. She shows why adhering to the status quo has never been part of the plan and why labels and stories crafted by others strip us of our authenticity.

3:08We'll talk about the topic of self-worth and how she's defined it over the years. By the end of this conversation, you'll have a better understanding of who Jada really is, and you'll likely have learned how to embrace your most lovable qualities, that feminine energy, and claim the title of worthy for yourself. Without further ado, let's dive on in with Jada Pinkett-Smith. What if you could find, track, and close deals all in one place? And what if your schedule and your goals, your to-do list, and emails were organized in one tab instead of dozens? What if connecting with customers didn't leave you with so many what-ifs?

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4:25This Is Small Business is an original podcast from Amazon all about how to start and grow your small business. Listen now on your favorite podcast app. So this is going to be a very special episode of the Gold Digger podcast. and my guest today is living a parallel life to mine in terms of where she's at in this journey of putting a book out into the world with an incredible team behind her. Jada, welcome to the Gold Digger Podcast. Thank you. Thank you for having me. So I was reading your book and one thing really stood out to me and it was actually at the very beginning. I feel like it was almost your call to action of like, this is what you can expect.

5:07And you said, this then is a book about a woman's quest to find the power of unstoppable, indestructible love for herself, the key to her true empowerment and the acceptance of the journey that delivered her there. Let's talk a little bit about how you arrived in this place of wanting to write a book and kind of landing on that synopsis of what a reader can expect. You know, I had a friend of mine, actually Jay Shetty, who had been friends for a long time. And And I was at his home one day and, you know, a meeting with Radhanath Swami. And he, you know, we were preparing for a meal and he said to me, and he had been just worrying me to death about writing a book.

5:54He's like, you got to write a book. I was like, Jay, I don't want to write a book. And he's like, no, but you have to. And so we got in kind of like this sibling bickering thing that we, you know, over the book. and Radha Nath came in and he was like, Jay, if Jada doesn't want to write a book, she doesn't have to. And Jay said, well, I think she should write a book. And I was like, he talked back to Radha Nath Swami. He's like our spiritual father. But what happened in that moment is that it made me go home and really think, I'm like, Jay's your brother. Like there's might be something here you're missing.

6:31And then a couple of days later, I was in meditation and I was like, it just came to me. It's like, wow, you've had quite a journey from your quest of like feeling unlovable to feeling lovable, your quest of feeling unworthy to worthy. And I was like, oh, and I called Jay. I said, I got it. I got it. All right. And I was like, okay, I got it. I got the line that makes, you know, that makes me feel like my story is worthy to tell, you know? And so that, that's how it all began right there. Cause I didn't think I had a worthy story, you know, like, isn't that wild? So I know Jay as well. And he is incredible at like calling you out and not calling you out, but making you inviting you to step in.

7:20And I feel like so many authors. Like for me, literally someone just said one line to me. They said, there's something you need to do and you know what it is and you're not doing it. And immediately I was like, it's write a book. And I feel like so many of us feel that way of like, who am I to do this? And what stories would I even tell? What was the process like for you? Because I mean, you go way back, like even to when you were nine years old. So like, what was that process like as you started the writing process? Did it pour out of you? Was it hard? Did it flow? Was it forced? Talk to me about that.

7:54Well, the, definitely the concept poured out of me, like the outline. Once I recognized the aspect of my journey, I wanted to tell, it was like, that was the easy part, like the, the order, you know, and in which I wanted to tell my story now actually writing it was excruciating because, you know, I had to go back. I went through one thing that really became clear to me was like, I come from a generation of women who don't feel worthy all the way back to my great grandmother. Right. And I was like, wow. It's when I started tracking their story and how their stories connected to my mother's story and then how my mother's story connected it to me, I was like, this is what generational trauma looks like, right?

8:51And how it can create this, you know, this false idea of not feeling worthy, right? And having to go back into even my grandmother's history was really painful, you know? But yeah, the actual writing of the book was quite a journey in itself. I thought that there was so much I had made peace with Yes. To only realize I was like, wow, I have a lot more work to do here in this area. You know, it's so interesting because I feel like every author that I interview as they're writing the book, it's like the universe or God is like dropping these things. Like, are you sure this is what you think? Are you sure this is what you believe?

9:38And like the whole time, it's like, you know, you're writing to yourself and for yourself, but also for others. but you're tested of like, what do I believe to be true? And why did that come up for you? It came up for me. And especially, you know, every single word, right? You have to be careful with every single expression. It's like, is that what you really mean? You know what I mean? Is that what you really want to say? And then that's the part that makes you have to really go deeper into what you actually believe and think. Truly. So yeah, that was definitely part of the process for me. One thing that I absolutely loved, and I would love to go deeper on, we've actually never talked about this topic on the podcast is the heroine's journey.

10:26And it is something so interesting because I honestly hadn't even been exposed to this idea until recently. I have grown up in a more bro marketing world where we talk about the hero's journey almost every day. This is how you market. This is how you sell. This is how you storytell. Let's tell that hero's journey. Tell me first, what is the heroine's journey and how has that played out in your life? You know, I really believe that the heroine's journey for me personally is really finding that divine feminine, you know? And, and of course, you know, when we talk about the heroine's journey and the hero's journey, I'm not even really talking about it in regards to gender.

11:17It's more energetic because we all encompass, you know, the masculine energy and the feminine energy. I'm watching a couple of my male friends right now on their path of their heroine's journey going in the internal world. Right. So to me, the heroine's journey is more about really exploring the inner world of oneself. Yeah. Right. The realm of love, connection, you know, energy, right? All that is unseen. All that vast unseen world. And, you know, so many of us, we're so used to relating to life and to our world, just as far as, you know, just the exterior and accomplishing and, and going out and go for the flag, you know?

12:15And I think a A lot of times, you know, we when we talk about female empowerment, I think a lot of times we are really tapping into those more masculine energies within ourselves. Yeah. That we you know what I mean? That we are saying, hey, this is our female empowerment. And that is a beautiful, necessary thing. Right. To balance that out, to not forget to go inward, to then go into the world of the divine feminine within ourselves. And that in itself is there's so much power and knowledge and wisdom there. And it is not a place that is talked about a lot. We don't talk about the heroine's journey enough, I think.

13:06And I think that it's still a very hidden, not really explored often. Right. Not even in film and television. You know, I'd have to say, I know people are going to be like, what? But Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Have you ever watched that show? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, through the many stages of her life, was such a beautiful exploration of the heroine's journey. Yeah. I know. I know. You're like, what do you mean, Barbara? She was just slaying vampires, but she wasn't. You know, we got to see her coming of age, which in that self was part of the heroine's journey and her coming out of her coming of age into her adulthood, her having to hone her powers.

13:53Yep. You know, we saw her go into the darkness in order to find the light. I mean, to me, it's one of the most beautiful aspects of the heroine's journey. And we had seven years to spend with that female character because the heroine's journey is not a hit it and quit it. It's not a straight shot. It's a spiral. Yeah, it's a spiral. And so, yeah, that's where I am in my life right now. Just exploring that particular aspect of myself. Look, I've become kind of a systems nerd and anything that gives me more space in my day, I'm all in. And a reliable connection is a huge part of that because when the internet lags or cuts out, everything pauses and suddenly the simplest tasks take forever.

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16:28I love that because I think too, for so many women and entrepreneurs, it's really easy for us to get in our masculine. Like when I think about like the work side of me, it is very masculine. And then all of a sudden I'm supposed to flip a switch and be a mom and wife and like clothe myself in this feminine energy. And it's, it's like learning how to embody both and bring the wholeness of you into all the realms. And it's something that I feel like I've been exploring and thinking about because so many people that listen to this podcast are, are achievers, right? Like they're the go-getters. They're the ones that like want to make the results.

17:07And, and again, that's so masculine. And somebody described it to me yesterday. We were actually talking about this topic and they were saying, it's like when you can feel your wings, but still have your roots. And I loved that of like, you have that flow, but you still feel that like grounded certainty. And I thought that was such a beautiful visualization of like, how do we bring our whole selves to every room we enter and not compartmentalize ourselves? Now, one thing your book does an incredible job is it shows your whole self. what were you thinking when you wrote it in the sense of like, who's going to read it?

17:47Did you let anybody read it before you're putting it out there? I let people read parts, you know, cause it's a, it's a lot, you know what I mean? So I let people read parts of it. Like my mother, you know, I had her read her part and then my daughter, she read willow read a big part of the book before it was even edited yeah so she could write the raw yeah she read the raw she just she couldn't wait right and so but you know one of the reasons why it was important for me to really go there in my book is because I really felt like I wanted the best to my ability to explain my heroine's journey, right?

18:37Because I feel like, as I said before, we don't, it's still very taboo. It's still really taboo. I don't feel like that we as women, it feels safe to really be honest about our journeys. I still think that we are judged and, you know, we are expected, every woman is expected to be a certain kind of thing, which prevents us from being all that we are. And that's with the shadow and the light. Yeah. Right. And I'm like, well, I've been through the gauntlet of criticism. I've been through the gauntlet of misunderstanding. If there's anybody who can afford to be extremely honest, right. About what her journey has been.

19:29It's me, you know, because, you know, what else can people say? Right. And so, and I just felt like just so that other women can feel seen in a certain way that they might not feel seen because they're not allowed. They don't feel that they are allowed to be seen in a certain manner. And so I just was like, let's go for it. And even with the red table, because people are like, well, we, you know, what's different that we're going to get in the book than the red table. It's very different because the red table, there was so much that I couldn't talk about because I didn't, there was no context.

20:09Right. We think in sound bites in these day and age. Yeah. You know, it's like there's no context. So it's like, there was so much I couldn't talk about and it didn't have anything to do with not wanting to be honest or what have you. was just like that particular forum is not the same as a book where a book you can really dive in. Yeah. Can we dive a little bit into criticism and even people coming up with stories? Because I think that so many women don't even try because they're not afraid of failure. They're afraid of success. And we've seen both sides of success, right? And when I talk to women at first, their first instinct is I don't want to fail.

20:55And it's like, do you not want to fail or do you not want people to see you fail? The second instinct when we go deeper is can I handle success? Now you have seen what success brings, right? And it can bring a lot of hatred and criticism. Talk to me about that because I can't imagine the scope of that. And then also putting yourself out so vulnerably in a season where you know, like you're basically putting your armor on and saying, all right, let's go. Yeah. What has that been like for you? You know, I'm going to tell you it's been beautiful because without it, I would not have been able to really explore and cure self-judgment.

21:47There is no weapon that can be forged against you if you really believe in who you are, right? And the world is fickle. If we are looking for the world to validate us in a way that we can't validate ourselves, well, then we are leaving ourselves to be susceptible to being pulled this way and that way. based upon how other people feel about us. So the one thing that I've learned in all of the misunderstanding and in all of it, right, all the criticism and judgment is like, I really had to be 10 toes down in knowing who I am and walk with that. And the more that I did that, and the more that I practiced that and the more that I cured my self-judgment, what anybody has to say about you is not your issue.

22:50That is so true. I know it's a very cliche thing to say. It's like, you know what I mean? But what people have to say about you is not your business. That could not be more true. That people who judge other people are truly judging themselves. And it is a reflection of their relationship with themselves. Yeah. It's not a reflection of you. How you feel about you is your problem. Yeah. Not how anybody else feels about you. Do you like fast paced and packed with value stories of successful entrepreneurs from failures to aha moments to what's working for them today? If so, you will love Entrepreneurs on Fire hosted by my friend, John Lee Dumas.

23:34Entrepreneurs on Fire stokes inspiration and shares strategies to fire up your entrepreneurial journey and create the life you've always dreamed of. Their recent episodes about starting an RV rental business, the future of real estate, and how to cultivate a mindset of resilience have all got my wheels turning on how to generate more revenue and fulfillment. Listen to Entrepreneurs on Fire wherever you get your podcasts. One of the toughest parts about starting and growing your own business is figuring out how much you should charge. Like what is your product actually worth and what do you need to charge in order to make a profit?

24:08There's a recent episode of this great podcast called This Is Small Business that talks all about this. You'll learn how to figure out what customers are willing to pay and when you should start thinking about raising your prices. It's called How to Find Your Ideal Price Point and you can go listen to it right now. This Is Small Business answers so many of these kinds of questions, questions that all entrepreneurs have. Whether you're dreaming of starting your business, looking to take a part-time side hustle full-time, or maybe you're a few years in and you are ready to grow. This show covers it all, like how to find your ideal customer, how to know when you're ready to launch your product, how to hire your first employee, why you should protect your intellectual property, and tons more.

24:49Learn more about how to start and grow your small business. Check out This Is Small Business, an original podcast from Amazon on your favorite podcast app. how do you ground yourself in the truths that you have because i think this is so powerful and it's a practice that i think women don't explore enough is to really examine their own self-beliefs so that they can hold the mirror up to themselves and not see everyone else do you have any practices around that or anything that you do to have strengthened or honed that gift Well, you know, I first of all, let me just say this. And people who decide to read the book will see that this is not something I came up with overnight.

25:35Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this is like I went through some of the darkest days, depression, wanting to kill myself, like you name it. Right. That forced me to have to be on a long journey of finding all different kinds of wisdom and practices. Yeah. Right. So along the way, what I do today, you know, everything that I've collected along the way, you know, I sit with myself in meditation every morning and I've really learned to hone my mind because that, listen, it's really about and it could be meditation. It can be breathing exercises. It can be whatever you discover for yourself. The key is to direct the mind.

26:28The mind is not meant to direct you. Right. Meaning the mind will tell us all kinds of funky things, which I learned, you know, as I talk about in the book, you know, one of the medicine journeys that I had, you know, it's like I realized like, oh, the mind will lie to you. and spew false beliefs in ways you could never imagine. Your mind can act as your enemy. So it's finding a practice in which you hone, you have the reins of your mind. So when those voices of self-judgment, sabotage come in, you, nope, that's not true. And now I'm going to settle into and be with the energetic field that is more true and that I am of divine essence.

27:16you know what I mean? And I am love. I am loved. I am worthy, you know? And, but it's a practice. It's a practice and I have to do it every single day. Yes. Right. There are guiding my mind. There's so many women listening to this. And it's so interesting because I was one of those people who literally believed like, I am not capable of meditating. My mind is too busy because I had grown up with this belief that like meditation was the absence of thoughts. And I was like, I am never absent of thoughts, right? Like when is my brain empty? And it was so interesting when I finally started to change the thought of like, it needs to be absent of thoughts to having an awareness of thoughts.

28:07And it totally transformed that relationship for me. And I love what you say too, where it's like, we're meant to guide our mind, not the other way around, because there are so many ingrained beliefs around us that are the stories that we tell ourselves and the stories we tell ourselves become our lives. And the word worthy, I want to hear Jada, how you define the word worthy, because it is a loaded word, right? Like, you know, it's, am I worthy to myself? Am I worthy to society? Am I worthy in the eyes of my mother or father or spouse or children. How did you land on that title? Cause I mean, it is a one word, but it is a weighty word.

28:46Like let's talk about that. Just that self-worth. Yeah. How do we value ourselves? Right. And a lot of times, unfortunately we value ourselves by, you know, does a man want to marry me or, you know, Or a woman, want to marry me? Or, you know, how does, am I accomplishing enough? Do I have enough material things to show on Instagram, right? And that level of self-worth is really dependent upon, far too many times are we measuring ourselves by these outside, you know, ideas, right? Right. And it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. How do I value myself? If I if I don't value myself. Yeah.