717: How to Cultivate Confidence and BE SEEN

24:04The fifth step in the creation process is to receive it. Yeah. And the receiving part is a part that a lot of people skip over. They just they're, oh yeah, duh. This okay. Moving on, onto the next thing. Yeah. And if we don't fully experience and receive the thing that we've been wanting for so long and really be in it and experience all those feelings and whoa, this can really happen. And I created this and I felt this before and now I'm receiving it and expanding myself in it right now. Then how are we going to do it again next time? How are we going to have that proof of concept for next time?

24:34There's a part in the book where I talk about your pancake story just made me like, feel like, oh my God, this totally happened to me. Where when I booked my very first big role in the Broadway national tour of The Wedding Singer, before I got this part, it was just my dream role. And I saw the woman played on Broadway. And I was like, I'm going to play this part one day. And I was literally like a student roaming around New York city, like living in a tiny little four foot by four foot room with a bunk bed. And like never in my life would have I auditioned for Broadway, but I was like, I'm going to play this part.

25:03And I visualized myself playing the part for months in my bed before I went to bed, like singing the songs, feeling the costume on my body, singing myself to sleep and just feeling as if this was really mine and tricking myself to believe that I was this role in The Wedding Singer. Like it was mine. And in the book, I tell the entire story. I won't go into it in detail, but I didn't get it literally probably four or five times. I had to do it again and again and again. I had to rise to the occasion. I had to be persistent again and again. And then I got the understudy and then I had to sit there and be the understudy.

25:37And it was a whole over a year's process of me from auditioning to actually getting to be that role on that stage, wearing the exact same costume that the woman on Broadway wore. And when I had that moment on the stage, looking out at the audience with the lights on my body and the costume on me and seeing the exact same visual that I had done in my little twin bed, like years prior, I walked backstage and I collapsed on the floor. I was like, oh my God, you can create anything you want. I've been here before. But here was the lesson that I learned because if I would have just visualized it and hoped that it came to me, or if I would have just tried in the first time I didn't get the part, I would give up because, Oh, I guess it's not for me because the manifestation didn't work.

26:18I didn't get the role and I just gave up and I didn't keep going. I would have never gotten there. So I was like, you can create anything that you want, but you just have to keep going until you get it. Yeah. Yeah. That's so powerful. There's two pieces there. Like mixing the woo with the work. I love that so much, Jenna, because you can woo it up. But if you don't put the work in, the woo just makes the work easier. Yeah. Yeah. So as you're saying that, one thing that keeps popping into my brain is that you have had so many different identities, right? And there is something that is so scary for women to shift their identity, whether it's leaving a corporate job or leaving a bad marriage or, you know, shifting into motherhood or whatever that is.

27:03Can we talk a little bit about like the identity crisis and like how you've been able to kind of clothe yourself in these new identities with confidence, even if it maybe wasn't there at the beginning? Yes. Oh man. One of my favorite quotes ever is the Steve Jobs quote. You can't connect the dots looking forwards. You can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. And when I was a little girl, I thought that my whole purpose on this life was to be an actress. I knew I was like my purpose. I knew then like, I'm going to be an actor.

27:36I'm going to have a career reading other people's lines, auditioning, waiting for someone else to pick me, performing on stage, saying somebody else's words and singing someone else's songs. That's what I thought it was all for. So I worked really hard thinking that that was the vision. And I think that a lot of us have this vision that either someone else implanted in our head, or maybe we implanted in our head a long time ago. And we're so focused on that vision that we can't see all the other opportunities that are maybe to the right or to the left that could provide us the same feeling that we would get with that vision, but in a totally different vehicle.

28:08And now, so I'll tell you a really quick story, which is one of my favorite stories in the book ever. It's one of my favorite stories of all time for me. Now I'm a motivational speaker. I speak all over the country internationally. So now I'm on stage, right? Performing, but it's much different than being an actress. It's still the same feeling, but way better. And if you would have told me when I was wanting to be an actress that I would end up being a speaker and able to say my own words and help people with my skills instead of being a character. And I get to choose myself and I get to throw my own shows.

28:39I would have told you you're crazy. What is that? I don't even know what that is. I would not have been open to that reinvention. I would have been so focused, But throughout my journey, I just allowed whatever came my way to come my way. And without knowing, I don't even think I really knew what I was doing consciously, but I just allowed myself to dip my toe in all these different things and try different things and allow the clarity to really form through action. So skip to last year, my dad. My dad's been along this journey with me my whole life, obviously, because he's my dad. But my dad, when I was an actress, like he was always in the front row, always like cheering me on, like sitting on the floor of my high school, like tile floor, like when we would perform like in the gym with flowers in his arms and saying like, Jenny, you're going from hallway to Broadway.

29:24I know it. Like he was always there for me. And every time I didn't get a role or I failed at something, like he was the one on the phone saying, you've got this. I love you. I'm there for you. And my dad now has multiple sclerosis, so he can't travel and he can't get on an airplane to come see me perform in the way that I perform now, which is speaking on stages. And just last year, I was invited to speak at an event in Fort Lauderdale right near where he lives. And so he was so excited. He was like, I don't care how far in that casino I have to walk with my cane. I'm going to get there and I'm going to see you.

29:56So it was a real estate event. So it was very bro-y, Jenna, like lots of guys. And I love these events. So my dad's in the front row and I have all of these real estate investors standing up and visualizing their perfect day. And they all their eyes closed and they're all getting all emotional. And I look at my dad and my dad is like hysterically crying. And I have this whole moment where I get to speak and show my dad what I'm doing now and like really be in that, wow, this was the purpose kind of a moment. And we get in the car and we're leaving the event. And my dad looks at me. He's like, Jenny, this is what it was all for.

30:30That metal show, the wedding singer, all the auditioning, all the failures, all the fitness business, the media company, like all of it, all of it was there for such an important reason. It was because of this. And we didn't know this back then. I wish we knew. And I'm so proud of you. So sometimes you can't see the end goal. You just have to take that next step forward. And I just kept taking that next step forward, even though a lot of them didn't make sense. A lot of the steps at all, at all. And if you read the book, you'll see a lot of the steps were like, what the hell is this, Jen? Really?

31:02Like this was a step, but it all led me to where I'm supposed to be right now. And having that moment with my dad, the one that was there the whole time to look at me and say, this is what it was all for. It was like, whoa, you don't know the purpose in the beginning. You need to be open because maybe my purpose still, it's moving on forward past. This is something bigger than I couldn't even have seen. And that's pretty cool too. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That makes me so emotional as a parent. Yeah. I was actually thinking about your babies right now. I know it's I mean, it is just wild. And I think it's so beautiful because you're doing something you imagine, but in a way only you can do it.

31:43And I feel like that is like life fully experienced of like your gifts. And I think it's incredible. One thing that you have is this unshakable confidence. You talk about the confidence continuum. Let's talk about confidence because I think there are people like you and I who are just somehow born with some level of confidence. Like we just think, why not? And of course we can. And let's go for it. What about people that don't naturally feel that way? Like where does confidence come from? How do we foster it? How do we practice it? How do we strengthen it? Let's talk about confidence. Yes. Okay.

32:19So I was not like, I feel like I was born very confident and I share a lot of stories in the book where my confidence was shaken and I think I lost it. So I believe that, you know, and you can probably looking at your little girls, you're probably reminded that when we're born, we're just confident. Like we ask for what we want. We give hugs unapologetically. We cry when we need something. We wear whatever fairy costume we want to the store and we don't give a, you know, whatever at all. However, somewhere along the line, this happened to me, someone or something happens and you stop believing in yourself and you start to think, oh, I should do it this way.

32:57I need to be this way in order to fit in. I need to dim my light a little bit. And then for me, at least I started to get really confused and I lost, I lost that like real Jen, like spunk that I had when I was a little kid, I lost it. And I started just really caring what other people thought about me. And after that metal show, and after, after the show got canceled, when I was hiding for so long and I had to actually come out as who I really was, I had zero confidence, Jenna. Like I'm telling you zero. I didn't know how to talk to the camera as me. I knew how to do it as an actress with a costume on and all like a ton of makeup and the whole thing.

33:30And I remember I was starting to build my brand and I knew that I needed to go live on social media and I was petrified. And you took, like, you just joined me this morning for my, I get ready with, so everyone that's listening every morning, I put my makeup on in front of everybody in the world on Instagram, everyone that's watching every day. And I answer questions and I want to just make sure everyone knows that you might see me doing that. And it might seem like I'm unbelievably confident in that, but that took a lot of reps, a lot of practice to gain that confidence. So if you don't feel confident, I want you to listen and really listen good because confidence can be created.

34:05It actually can be created over time, but it does take a little bit of discomfort. It does take experiencing the hard thing. So the confidence continuum is all about taking action with fear there anyway. You're going to feel the fear. It's going to be scary to do the thing that you don't want to do. but every single time you move through and you do the thing with fear there anyway, and you get to the other side and you stick to the commitment you made with yourself, no matter how difficult it was or how scary or how painful. And you're on the other side, you're like, Whoa, I didn't die. I just did that.

34:33You're putting another coin in your confidence bank. You're becoming more confident because the next time you go to do something scary, you have proof that you can do it and you have trust. All confidence is self-trust, trust that you did it before. So with, for instance, with these Instagram lives, I help people be seen online specifically. That's like really what my business does. And everyone's like, I'm too scared to go live. I'm too scared to make a video. All you got to do is do the hard thing once. And once you do the hard thing once, you never have to do that first time ever again. And after you've done that first time, you're going to celebrate that win.

35:05So make sure you don't skip the celebration. Make sure you have a celebration with yourself. Whoa, I did it. Gives you the dopamine, the serotonin. Okay, you did it. You went live. Maybe it was only for three minutes and maybe only two people joined, but that's okay. You still did it. So what that's going to do is that's going to give you that little bit of motivation And confidence to do it the next time the next time still going to be hard But it's going to be a little easier than the first time So then you do it the next time you take action fear is still going to be there You got to do it and you do it and it's a little easier And maybe that next time you get a little bigger win maybe next time six people join And maybe next time somebody dms you after and they're like wow, that was amazing I really want to talk to you about working with you.

35:41How can I work with you? Whoa big win. Holy crap. Now you're trying when I go live something really cool could happen. Then you're going to be way more confident to do it the next time because you know, you've done it twice. Now, you know that you're not going to die. You know that that discomfort's temporary and you know that a good thing happens on the other side. It's training. It's like going to the gym and putting in the reps and working out those muscles so you can get stronger. And now I do it every day and it's not a big deal and I'm confident, but it didn't start that way. So I want everyone that's listening to please know that confidence is built from consistently sticking with the commitments you make with yourself.

36:15Yes. Every time you say you're going to do something and you don't do it, you're telling your subconscious that you can't trust yourself to follow through. But every single time that you do tell yourself, all right, I'm going to do this today. And you follow through and you do it even though it was hard or it was scary or painful or it sucked. But you get to your bed that night because we're all going to make it to our bed every single night. And you can be in your bed and you can be like, wow, I did that today. Yeah. That's boom, cha-ching, more coins, more coins in your confidence bank. Oh, I love this.

36:44I agree. I think consistency breeds confidence and confidence carries us forward. And that I think, you know, what would you say to someone? Because I think you just hit on something so important. There are so many people out here who have tried and they don't follow through, right? Whether it's the food plan or the exercise or the business or the opportunity. and I feel like so many people are walking around with a heaviness of guilt and shame of having not followed through which has robbed them of the confidence needed to carry them what would you say to those people because I think every single person listening has had something in their life that they didn't follow through on like this is not a unique experience this is part of being a human but when we carry that guilt and shame with it I think it robs us of future joy and so what would you say to someone who's listening to this and they're like that's me Like I've made myself promises and I don't keep them and I don't trust myself to keep them any longer.

37:39I agree. I hear you so much. And I'm thinking about that person right now because I've been that person. We're all humans. We all exist on this planet and we all have fears and insecurities and doubts and things that make us and experiences in our life, maybe traumatic experiences that keep us from sticking to our commitments. and I think it's really about self-love, compassion, and grace and understanding and knowing that you're a human and you can reinvent every single day. Every single day is a new day to step up and be like, listen, just in this moment, first this, this moment right now, I'm gonna stick to this commitment.

38:13And listen, if you don't and life gets lifey, give yourself a break, give yourself compassion, give yourself love. If your baby, your child, or your best friend, or your partner was being so hard on themselves for not doing something, would you shame them? Would you be mean to them? Would you be not? No, you'd be like, it's okay. We got this. You'd cheer them on. You'd support them. You'd give them all of the strength that they need to go do it. Try again the next day. So I think that all of this has so much nuance in it because I'm not, I don't not come from the world of you have to believe in yourself a hundred percent.

38:43You have to go forward a hundred percent because as humans, I don't think we're ever early at a hundred percent. And if we wait until a hundred percent to take action, or if we are so hard on ourselves until we're at a hundred percent, we're always going to be upset. We're always not going to be happy. We're always not going to be fulfilled. So for me, I always just tell myself and Chris and I both do this together. My husband, we just want to believe and do like, like, let's just get there 51%, 51 % of the time, like a little bit more than we don't. Like some days you're going to be at 99. Some days you're going to be at 86.

39:14Some days you're going to be at 65. Some days you're just going to be at 51. And if you could just be at 50, a little bit more than you don't, just a little bit, you can take action with knowing that it's not going to be perfect. It's going to be messy. And that is life and loving and understanding that about you. And that's what makes you unique. And that's what makes you different. That's what makes you human. And that's often what makes you connect with other people, being able to be just exactly who you are. That's life. And so 51%. I love that. Look, I've become kind of a systems nerd and anything that gives me more space in my day, I'm all in.

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41:44Find out how much at airbnb.com forward slash host. Okay. I have a little bit of a personal question, but I think you'll go there with me. So you used to run a PR agency that was very successful and your sweet spot. And you spoke about this in our last interview was helping other people be seen. What has it felt like for you to be the one being seen now as you're putting your book out into the world? I love that you asked me this because we're going to really go there. This is hard, Jenna. Yeah. I know you know it because you just did it. Yeah. And it's, I'm so excited to talk about this because the meta thing about it is I wrote the book called Be Seen and I'm teaching people how to be seen.

42:29And I wrote this book to force myself to step up to a level where I had to be seen more than I've ever been seen in my life. And now I'm doing it. And there's so much that comes up when you put a book out into the world. All the symptoms of fear are screaming at me. Just last night, I was up at one in the morning worrying about whatever, like imposter syndrome and like, oh my God, should I like this rejection or this situation and like fear of not succeeding or not hitting the goal. And it's all there. There's so much noise and I'm moving through it and talking about it a lot. And that's been really helping me.

43:04Like, look, I'm reading my book to myself. And getting my own tips and actually moving through this with that, because this is the reality and it doesn't matter what level you get to. I feel like I know that this is going to be there and I'm actually, it sucks. I'm not going to lie to you. Like all these feelings, like they're not fun feelings to have, but I'm sitting in it and I'm like, wow. And as I have this conversation with you, I'm like, I'm really grateful I'm experiencing this because I know that the next level that I get to in my life is going to bring all of these fears on again. It's just, They're there because we're people and that's what we experience.

43:35And as long as we're stretching and growing, they're going to be there because it's uncertainty. It's not knowing. It's all of those things. And now I have even more proof that even though they were there, those feelings, the fear, the imposter syndrome, the perfectionism, the comparison, the analysis process, all of it, I was able to move through and I did it. And the more that we have experience of moving through and doing it and using all the tools that we have available to us to do it and knowing that sometimes it's just going to suck and knowing sometimes is just going to be, we have more proof that we can do it next time.

44:03Yeah. So it's all there for sure. And anyone that's listening, please come and follow along the journey because I'm going to be very open about all of this. And I think it's important that people talk about it because it's really easy to see a book launch from afar and think that somebody has just got, it's perfect and easy and parts of it might be easy. And parts of it have been easy for me. Thank God for friends like you who have told me things in advance to help make it easier. But there's a lot of it that's not. And I think it's important to talk about it and make sure you know that you're not comparing your real life to something that's not necessarily real, that's just portrayed online.

44:38So it's, yeah, all the fear is there, there, but we're moving through it. I love that. I mean, I love that you share that. And thank you for sharing that because I think that for so many of us too, we can see the light in other people, but when it's like cast on us, it's like, we want to shy away. And for so many authors, while you are writing a book and launching a book and putting it out into the world, we're like reminded of the lessons and like even tethered to this deeper anchor of like, I need this. Other people need this. I'm not alone in this. And having watched your journey and your career and thinking about how you love to thrust other people in the spotlight in a way that only you can do.

45:17I can imagine now you're experiencing these different feelings of like, I will be seen and this is me. And I just think it's so beautiful. So in closing, I would love just a short definition of like what it means to you to be fully seen. What does that mean? Yeah, for me, it always starts with seeing myself. So it always starts with seeing you for exactly who you are. And I was so removed from that, that little girl that I was when I was little and you'll read about it. I was very loud and proud. I was very unapologetic. I was very, you know, come in here and I'm going to stand on this table and do a show for you right now.

45:55And you're going to see me. And I wanted to be seen so bad. And I saw myself and I didn't care what other anyone thought. And I was so removed from her that I had to find her again. And I had to truly be able to see her in order to even dip my toe into being seen on this level. And I'm so glad that I did because there's one thing to be seen in building a brand and becoming famous and being somebody that you think everybody needs you to be because I did that. And that never feels good. It feels out of alignment. It feels yucky. It feels like a lie. And also you attract customers, clients, followers, audience, all of the above that think that you're somebody that you're not.

46:31And that's exhausting to keep up with. Exhausting. In fact, unrealistic to keep up with. You can't keep up with that for that long. Yeah. When you show up as exactly who you are and you're able to see yourself and you're able to maybe not necessarily a hundred percent believe that you need to be out there and showing yourself, like you're going to have the fear. You're going to have the perfectionism. You're going to have all the things, but be able to then put that real you out there and allow people to see you vulnerably. And you're going to be able to connect deeply with an audience and you will be seen.

46:58And not only will you be seen by people and form those deep connections with people, those are the types of connections that build a business and build a brand forever and ever and ever. But you're also going to be unbelievably proud of the person that you're showcasing to the world. And that is the feeling I want everybody listening to this to Yeah. Okay. So here's an assignment for all of our listeners. I want everyone after listening to this episode to create your badass list. So I want for you to sit down and just take a minute to think about the things that you've accomplished, the things that you've overcome, the things that you've achieved, the times that you felt most alive, the times that you felt most seen.

47:33And I want you to have that, whether you screenshot it and make it your phone background, so you see it or write it down on paper in a place that you'll notice it every day. that is what I want you to walk away from. And there's so much more waiting inside of Jen's book. So Jen, where can everybody get your book, Be Seen? And then where can we also connect with you online? You can find it anywhere books are sold, but if you want to make it super easy, go to besenbook.com. That's where all the stores are. That's where you can get goodies from me, besenbook.com. And then online, Instagram is the fastest, easiest way to find me.

48:06I'm in there. I'm in the DMs. Go for it. At Jen underscore Gottlieb. One N. Oh my gosh, Jen, thank you for coming back on the show. Congratulations on your book. I am so excited for more people to learn from you. And I am just so elated that you are now adding the title author to this beautiful and ever-changing identity that you continue to share with us and our audience. So congratulations. Thank you, Jenna. Thank you for having me. This was so fun. Who else is leaving today's episode just feeling inspired and feeling a little bit less alone. I think there's something so powerful when we call out those things that are holding us back, whether it's confidence or shifting our identities or change, when we actually talk about them and take them out of the dark and bring them into the light, it allows us as a community to start moving forward more boldly and also to link arms with one another on the journey.

48:59I absolutely loved having Jen back on the podcast. I hope you love today's episode and I cannot wait to see your assignments. Make your own list of all of your achievements, all the things that you've accomplished, all the places that you felt most alive and take a shot and send it to me. I would love to see what's on your list so that I can cheer you on in hopes of you cheering yourself on. Thank you so much for listening to another episode of the Gold Digger Podcast. Of course, until next time, keep on digging your biggest goals. I'm over here giving you a virtual high five because you just finished another episode of the Gold Digger podcast.

49:34Did that go by way too fast for anyone else? If you want more, head over to golddiggerpodcast.com for show notes and all the discount codes from today's sponsors. And if you're looking for a new crew of movers and shakers like you to bounce ideas and ask questions, be sure to join my exclusive community for gold diggers on Facebook. The link's waiting for you at golddiggerpodcast.com.