742: Stuck In Your Comfort Zone Or Trying To Leave It?

0:01Okay, I have been on this ruthless pursuit to purge any clothes that I'm not actually wearing. Like if I haven't reached for it in months, it's got to go. I am trying to be really intentional about what I bring into my closet right now, which means I am only buying pieces that I know I will actually wear and use. Revolve just gets it though. I'm literally wearing my brown Autry sneakers from there right now and my new suede purse. It fits my laptop in it. So it's basically a fancy shoulder bag that works for everything. I love finding pieces like that. Things that look good, but also work hard for my actual life.

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1:15So happy shopping. Because you are inviting so much more peace and ease into your life. When you start to, instead of waiting for other people to bring opportunities to you, you start creating your own opportunities in your life, in your business, in your relationships, whatever that looks like. Hey, my name is Jenna Kutcher and I am obsessed with all things business, marketing numbers, and helping you to navigate both the messy and the magical seasons of this thing called life. I'm a small town mama who took a$300 camera, grew a successful photo biz, and now I work from home and run a seven figure online business.

1:50I teach you the tried and true secrets to building a career you adore. Shy away from the real talk? No way. Money, hardship, growth, loss, and marketing are all topics we discuss here. Think of this as your one-stop shop for happy hour with a gal pal mixed with business school. Pull up a seat, make sure you're cozy and get ready to be challenged and encouraged while you learn. This is the Gold Digger Podcast. So I was recently at a mastermind and we were on the closing day sharing our closing thoughts. And my friend Jim Quick was sitting right next to me and he said something so poignant that I was I have to record an entire podcast episode on the topic.

2:27The topic was comfort zones. And essentially what he said is that there are two types of hard that nearly everyone is experiencing. The hardness that comes when you're stuck inside of your comfort zone, but also the hard that comes when you're trying to break away from it into something new. And whether you have been a religious nine to fiver, or you have been an entrepreneur for a decade, you likely fall into one of these two camps, either being stuck or actively trying to leave. In my book, How Are You Really? I write this. I write, something very significant happens once you decide to step out of your comfort zone and walk towards something new.

3:04When you decide to turn to the dream and give it a shape and say it out loud. To admit to yourself that you want something different. To say you're ready for a change. To say it to someone who loves you. Write it in a Sharpie on your planner or in your journal, wherever or however you speak it, declare that you are willing to work for a truer life, whatever it takes. That slapdash faraway dream, name it because it's about to be born. So whether you are trying to leave your comfort zone or you are currently very stuck in it, both of these are really hard on their own and for their own reasons. And frankly, they can both suck.

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4:58So after Jim said that line, and he kind of said it in a way that Jim does where it was like just common sense, it really got me to thinking because both of these scenarios are really hard. If you are someone who is clinging to your comfort zone, you might have this feeling where you know you're not living up to your potential, or heck, maybe you're not even enjoying your life right now. You're maybe watching other people do the things that you want to do, and you're just staying stuck in this mundane routine of your life. And if you're someone who is actually trying to step away from or leave your comfort zone, it can be really scary moving towards uncertainty.

5:36It is uncomfortable to shift your identity, to change your direction, to move towards something where you're not totally sure if it's going to work out or not. And that feeling alone can leave you feeling like you're moving through life untethered or uncertain as you're moving in this new direction. Inside of my book, I tell one of my favorite stories of all time. And I'm going to kind of tell you the short version of it, but if you want the full version, go grab my book. How are you really? I know you will love it. But when I was working for Target, I was working in this corporate setting, right?

6:09And I had this visceral moment where I realized this is not for me. And this is not a knock on corporate settings or nine to fives or anything like that. It just wasn't for me. And the minute I knew it, I couldn't unknow it. Like if you've ever had an experience like that, you know exactly what I'm talking about. And so at the time I'm planning my wedding. I buy this camera on Craigslist, not to become a photographer, but to document the whole wedding process because we didn't have a lot of money to hire a photographer every step of the way. And so I fell in love with photography. And basically what I would do is I would work my corporate job, which was 50 hours a week or more, including some nights and weekends.

6:47And then I would go home and I would learn photography. I literally slept with my camera on my nightstand so that I could learn how to shoot in any type of light, whether it was dark or light out. I really was so passionate. Like photography brought my passion back into my life. I felt like I had lost that piece of me, that side of me that was like so excited to create. And so I tell this story in my book, but essentially I was at times using the office printer to print off things for my photography business in the after hours of the corporate gig. So I use the office printer to print off this beautiful colored picture of all of these wedding images, this collage of sorts.

7:30Imagine like a Pinterest board, but on a piece of paper. And I didn't just stop there. I thought I need to laminate it. And in the office, we had this awesome laminator. So I bring over this beautiful collage to the laminator and I start laminating it. And as I am putting this collage through the laminator, I hear the most awful noise of all time. the laminator is like the jaws of death clinging to my collage and I cannot get it out and I am prying it open I'm trying to find the user manual I am panicking because inside of this jammed laminator there is this beautiful collage and at the top of it it says photographs by Jenna Lee now it's going to be very easy for people to connect the dots of who is trying to laminate this beautiful wedding collage on office hours using office equipment so the very next morning I wake up and this amazing woman in our office, her name is Kathy.

8:22And I'm kind of sullen and I'm like very, very awkward. And I'm like, Kathy, I kind of have a confession to make. I was using the laminator last night and I jammed it. Is there any way you can help me unjam it? And so Kathy very happily comes over to the laminator and she's like prying it open and pulling out little pieces of my collage. And I'm like so embarrassed and I don't know what I should say. And I don't know if I should say anything or not, but she's probably wondering like, why is there a picture of bouquet? And why is there this bride? And what is happening here? And so I very quietly tell Kathy, I just say, outside of the office, I love photography.

8:56And I'm trying to learn how to be a wedding photographer. And when I take pictures, it makes me come alive. And I'm so nervous because I hadn't told anyone in the office that I was trying to become a wedding photographer. I worried that they would wonder if I was going to stay in this setting. I just worried about everything. So I just kept it hush hush. And this was the first time I had told anyone in this office setting about my dream of becoming a photographer. And I was very worried. I was like, is Kathy going to rat me out? Like what's going to happen? And Kathy like slowly turns to me and she's like, I love scrapbooking.

9:30And you can probably understand that like photography, scrapbooking, not the same thing at all. But Kathy came alive when she saw me come alive about my passion. And I feel like that was the first step outside of my comfort zone. This corporate setting was my comfort zone. I had my whole five-year plan mapped out for me. I knew exactly what would come next and next and next. I knew what my life would look like. And in finally like saying it out loud to somebody, I feel like I almost like released the dream in a beautiful way, but I also awakened Kathy's dream. And honestly, I should have known that she loves scrapbooking, because that woman could make a beautiful bulletin board.

10:11Here's a line that I say in my book. I say, passion isn't just something that spontaneously happens in us. It can spark up even when we watch other humans step out of their comfort zone and into their daring future right in front of us. In coming alive to our passions, we invite others to do the same. It's this undeniable energy that transfers from human to human growing as it's celebrated. In sharing our dreams with someone else, we take the first step of many admitting that we have something pulling at our curiosities and we just might be courageous enough to pursue that thing. And in that tiniest admission of courage, our to dream list becomes our to do list.

10:51So as we move through this episode today, I want you to know, I know what it's like one to be stuck in a comfort zone and two to actively leave one. And I know that they both suck and they both suck for their own reasons. And so here are three questions that I want for you to start with that will help you determine which camp you're in. Are you stuck or are you actively leaving it? So first I want for you to take a moment to just reflect on your current situation. Now, for me, when I think about where I'm at today, as I record this episode, I am in this transition of preparing to leave my comfort zone.

11:29And something that is so interesting to me about this is again, I am facing uncertainty again. I feel like I am on this never ending evolution. And sometimes it can be frankly exhausting, right? A friend the other day, voice memo being, she's like, how do you do it? How do you keep evolving so effortlessly? And I was like, girl, if it looks effortless to you, you better know it is not effortless feeling on my end. It is hard. And one thing that I love about what I do and how I do it is that I'm constantly evolving because I'm constantly learning and changing and growing and becoming. And I never want that to stop.

12:07I want my whole life to be filled with that. And so it's interesting because I can sense that I am leaving my comfort zone, but I also am so wildly uncertain about what that means, what that looks like, where I'm going, what the next iteration or evolution is even going to be. And so I just want for you to answer these questions because I answered these before this episode. And so if you want to grab out a pen and a paper or a journal or write a note in your phone, like whatever, but I really want for you to answer these questions because these have been really helpful for me. So question number one is, are you content with your current situation?

12:45And this could be a professional or personal, or do you feel a sense of restlessness and a desire for change? And I think that that is a really great place to start is like, are you content and comfortable or are you feeling really restless? So which camp are you in? You should have a very visceral gut reaction to that question and know the answer like right away. The next question is, do you find yourself settling for mediocrity or good enough? And you've stopped pushing yourself to achieve more in your current situation. So are you kind of just at this place where you're just kind of like right in the wave, you're just kind of chilling and chilling doesn't have to be bad.

13:24I think that there can be a lot of beauty and being content and feeling peace and ease, but if it's come to this place of that's good enough complacency, that's where we want to start to kind of just like put our finger on it. And the last one is, is your life, are your days super predictable and routine. And how does that make you feel? For some people, predictable and routine is like the best thing in the world. And for others, people like me, I'm neurodivergent, ADHD, predictable and routine. I can't do it. Like that kills me. So just starting to kind of get to know yourself. So again, the three questions, are you content or do you feel restless?

14:06Are you settling for mediocrity or are you trying to achieve more? And are you in a state of predictability and is your life routine? And how does that make you feel? And so again, get really honest with yourself because this is going to look different for every single person. So here is a good sign that you're stuck in your comfort zone. If you are generally content, secure, and resistant to change or new challenges, you might be stuck. And again, this is not a knock at like, if you are in this very beautiful, peaceful place in your life, freaking embrace it and love it and enjoy it. But if you are resisting newness, change, evolution, learning, because you're afraid, very different situation.

14:56If you express this desire for growth, if you're feeling unsatisfied, if you feel like your life is stagnant, or if you're open to a exploring new opportunities, you're probably trying to leave your comfort zone. So again, just kind of establishing where you're at. Now, if you are in the middle and in that beautiful, peaceful place, I bow down to you. I love that for you and enjoy every minute of it. So next we want to think about like, what is your reaction to risk and uncertainty? Look, I've become kind of a systems nerd and anything that gives me more space in my day, I'm all in. And a reliable connection is a huge part of that because when the internet lags or cuts out, everything pauses and suddenly the simplest tasks take forever.

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17:40So one thing that is super important about me, and I've talked about this on the show before, is like I am constantly evolving. It is not new for me to be like, I want to burn this whole thing down or shut this down. I want to try something new. That is just another day in my life. However, when I move in a new direction, I'm very calculated about it. There are two types of people. There are the jump and the net will appear type of people. And then there are people who are like, let me weave my net very carefully, thread by thread, and then I shall jump and know that I have the safety net waiting for me.

18:14I am in camp number to. I want to be very calculated and thoughtful with the risks I'm taking so that I am not crippled by fear and I'm not worried about security. And so again, we are all unique. And I think that that is what is so beautiful about this topic is that we are all facing different things in our own lives. And we all are figuring out what is next and maybe what is new. And we all have to get really honest about like, where are we today? And how does that feel? Like, what does it feel like to live your life right now? How is the experience of living your life? And I feel like you know that right now, like you shouldn't even have to think about that.

18:54You know how it feels to be in your life right now and how it feels is going to tell you a lot more about where you want to go than maybe just like your logical brain. And so when I finally decided, okay, I'm not just going to make collages in the office and do this and burn the candle on both ends. I'm actually going to try to make a go at this. I was super calculated at it. I didn't like walk in the next day and say, peace out. Here's my two weeks notice. Good luck finding someone new. I took an entire year to figure out what are my next steps? What is this going to look like? How do I claim safety and security in this massive transition?

19:34And what does it look like? And I'll never forget. I remember like sitting down and running all the numbers. I was like, I make$55 ,000 in my corporate job. What do I need to do as a wedding photographer to match that? How long do I think it's going to take for me to get to a place where I can match that salary? How am I going to juggle both of these things at the same time while I'm building this up to a place where I feel comfortable and safe and secure to go for it? And so I am someone who I love taking risks and I love evolving and I love trying new things, but I will never abandon the things that got me to this place in order to get to where I want to go.

20:12And I think that that's something very different. And so one thing that you want to really think about is like, what is your reaction when you are being faced with uncertainty? Like when you think about taking risks in your personal and professional life, like, are you a risk taker? Are you someone that's super calculated? Are you someone that needs to like methodically plan things out? because the answer to that question is really going to shift the timeline of what things look like for you, whether you're stuck in your comfort zone or you're leaving it. If you are someone who is really methodical, needs to have the whole plan in place, like you need to get working on it.

20:51If you want change, you got to start now. Like I didn't leave my nine to five for an entire year. And so if I didn't like really sit down and make that plan, it could have been three years. It could have been five years. I could have never left. And if you're someone who is like, oh, slapdash, I made this decision. I am leaving tomorrow. I can't stay. It's no longer in alignment. Then you've got to get really clear on where it is that you're going and what that's going to look like. If you are someone who fears change, then we've got to talk about that. I have an amazing episode. It's episode 479.

21:27It's with Dr. Maya Shanker. I often think about it. She talks about the neuroscience behind our resistance to change because most people fear change more than like the actual change itself, right? Again, it's that uncertainty. It's that not knowing. And so if you are someone who is like terrified, terrified by change, if you're someone who is like, my life is very routine and structured, but I don't love it. I'm not enjoying it. You have to go listen to episode 479. We linked it in the show notes in the show description today. Go listen to that one. It is such a powerful, powerful episode about why we don't need to be so afraid of change.

22:07And it might help rewire some of those neuro pathways that are telling you that like change is scary. And like, it's better to face the devil, you know, than the one you don't know. And I don't always agree with that. So in a 2013 Forbes article about taking risks, keynote speaker and bestselling author Margie Worrell gives us three questions to ask ourselves to help us overcome our tendency to play it safe and to help us identify which risks are worth taking. So the first question is this, and I love this question. What would I do if I were being more courageous? That's a great question, right?

22:44What would it look like? Like what would I do today if I was just being a little bit more courageous? Number two, how will inaction cost me one year from now if I do nothing? And I think that's where a lot of us sit, right? A whole year passes and then another year. And all of a sudden we're like, I'm in the same situation. This is Groundhog's Day. So how will inaction cost me one year from now if I do nothing? And number three, where's my fear of failure causing me to overestimate the size of risk, underestimate myself and hold me back from taking risks that would serve me or my business. And so again, a lot of times we overestimate the size of the risk and we underestimate our abilities, our knowledge, our passions, our curiosities, and that's where we find ourselves stuck.

23:36So one thing that I think is really important to think about as we're kind of navigating through this is just again, level of playing field, get super honest. Where are you at? Are you stuck in the comfort zone? Are you leaving it? Or are you in this beautiful place of peace and contentment where by God, stay as long as you can. We are going to be faced with opportunities, especially as this new year unfolds and people have all these big visions. And we're starting to really think about like, what do we want this year to look like and feel like? How do we want to move through this? What is it going to be as an experience?

24:09We are going to get a lot of opportunities. And your response to opportunities is going to be very telling in where you're at with your comfort zone. One thing that I think is so important is often when we hear the word opportunities, we first start with thinking about things that others are bringing to us, right? Invitations we're getting, projects other people are working on, different ideas that others hand to us. Opportunities, we often think about, they're coming from someone else. And one thing I want for you to shift is when we think about our response to opportunities, I also want for you to think about opportunities that come from you, that you are creating, that come from within.

24:53Here's a quick story. When I first had Coco, which was five years ago, I had been on this journey. Our fertility journey took three years. It was a really, really hard season of life. It was a really evolving season for my business. And when I finally had my baby girl, I told myself, I'm going to black out an entire year. Like what a privilege to say, I'm going to say no to everything else and just really save the space and the time that I had wished for and prayed for, for so many years. And so I blacked out an entire year and basically said no to just about everything. And I really reserved my yeses for the hell yes moments that were coming at me.

25:39And I learned such a valuable lesson in that year because I was very head down in my business, very focused on my goals, my vision, and also my child. And in that year, my business grew dramatically, but also the way that my business felt shifted. And I think for so many of us, when we think about opportunities, we are so quick to say yes to everything people put in front of us, because there is some innate belief that like someone is going to hand us our big break, right? Or like, what if this is the one thing that changes everything? And all of a sudden, our life is being controlled by everyone outside of ourselves.