755: Protect Your Peace: Strategies for Thriving Amidst The Chaos

0:01Okay, I have been on this ruthless pursuit to purge any clothes that I'm not actually wearing. Like if I haven't reached for it in months, it's got to go. I am trying to be really intentional about what I bring into my closet right now, which means I am only buying pieces that I know I will actually wear and use. Revolve just gets it though. I'm literally wearing my brown Autry sneakers from there right now and my new suede purse. It fits my laptop in it. So it's basically a fancy shoulder bag that works for everything. I love finding pieces like that. Things that look good, but also work hard for my actual life.

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1:15So happy shopping. I don't allow the outside noise to kill my internal voice to say, okay, yes, I may look like this. I may look like that, but I know this is the pace for me to run an efficient race in my life. And it's changed my life. Hey, my name is Jenna Kutcher and I am obsessed with all things business, marketing numbers, and helping you to navigate both the messy and the magical seasons of this thing called life. I'm a small town mama who took a$300 camera, grew a successful photo biz, and now I work from home and run a seven figure online business. I teach you the tried and true secrets to building a career you adore.

1:55Shy away from the real talk? No way. Money, hardship, growth, loss, and marketing are all topics we discuss here. Think of this as your one-stop shop for happy hour with a gal pal mixed with business school. Pull up a seat, make sure you're cozy and get ready to be challenged and encouraged while you learn. This is the Gold Digger Podcast. As business owners, we're faced with making hard decisions, overcoming daily challenges, and enduring the pressures of criticism and self-doubt. In the hustle and bustle of our day-to-day lives, we have to learn how to protect our peace. And I know just the guy who can help us.

2:30Trent Shelton is a former NFL wide receiver and author. He's considered one of the most impactful speakers of his generation. He reaches over 60 million people weekly through hard-hitting videos with his words of wisdom and courage, pushing others to find their inner strength. And most importantly, he's my friend. Trent is an amazing human being. I have had the privilege of speaking on stages next to him, traveling with him, going to weddings with him. and every time I'm with him, he just has this beautiful, powerful presence that is so undeniable. Trent has a brand new book. It's called Protect Your Peace, Nine Unapologetic Principles for Thriving in a Chaotic World and it is out now and I'm just so excited for you to hear his unique approach to setting boundaries, getting over the fear of judgment, staying true to ourselves and so much more.

3:22Inside of this episode, we're going to talk about simple strategies for setting clear boundaries, disconnecting from negativity, honing in on your vision and your focus, and bringing your life into alignment with your true power and purpose. I know that whenever I need a pep talk or a reminder of my worth, I can text my friend Trent. He is a straight talking, profoundly inspiring guide. And now he's here for you too. Trent Shelton, welcome to the Gold Digger podcast. Ooh, growing pains hurt. And when you're a marketer trying to generate leads for your brand new business, you know the pain all too well.

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4:39Visit hubspot.com slash startups to see how much you can save. That's hubspot.com slash startups. Trent, as business owners, we are often pulled in about a million directions. Tell me what you think we're all getting wrong about this idea of boundaries and setting them. Absolutely. You know, boundaries, I think come with this negative connotation that they're walls. And one of the things that I talk about in the book and I've been teaching people, I've learned this from myself, is that boundaries aren't walls unless they need to be. They're only walls when somebody disrespects your boundaries consistently over and over and those people build those walls.

5:21I would like to present the idea that boundaries are not walls, they're bridges, right? They're not there to keep the wrong things out necessarily. They're more there so to let the right things in. And so if you look at boundaries as bridges and saying, okay, what do I need in my life? I need peace. I need, you know, clarity. I need more time with my family, whatever it is. You have to then ask yourself, okay, what boundary do I need to set? That's going to lead me to receiving that. And so from my business life to my personal life, I'm always looking at, okay, what do I need in my life right now in this season?

5:55Okay. What boundary do I need to set? And sometimes boundaries are, I would say 80%. They're healthy. I mean, I think a boundary in your relationship is healthy. A boundary in your parenting is healthy. Like all these areas that you want to better, a boundary is the foundation that's going to get you there. I couldn't agree more. And I'm curious to know, especially because you're a guy, like I feel like women have a lot of emotion tied to this idea around boundaries. And I'm almost wondering too, if there's some sort of conditioning with women of like, we're yes people, right? Like we were taught to be yes people.

6:30I think everyone is kind of taught that. But I am curious for you. Do you see any difference in the idea of boundaries between even you and Maria, your wife? Like, is there any difference? Because I feel like you have such certainty and clarity. And I feel like a lot of women like tiptoe their way, like I'd like to have a boundary here, but they don't actually apply. Yeah, I think so. What I would say is what I've seen in women and some men for sure. I know I've been here at times, but I think our worthiness is in our yes. And so what I see in Maria a lot of times is that she feels to an extent that, you know, her value, her worthiness, she doesn't want to let people down, doesn't want to let her kids down by saying no, she feels like it's selfish.

7:15Or even with me, she's feel like it's selfish if she's putting herself before me. And the thing that I've told her and also tell myself that I would tell the listeners is that if you're saying yes to everybody else and no to yourself, eventually you're going to burn out, eventually going to be stressed, eventually you're going to feel depleted. And so you have to rearrange and say, is the thing outside of me that I'm saying yes to more important than the peace inside my soul? Because every time you say yes, when you want to say no, you start a war within yourself. every time you say sure, when you know that you don't want to do it, you start a war within yourself.

7:52And I see a lot of women, especially carry internal wars because they're trying to be everything to everybody and they're not being everything to who needs them the most, which is themselves. Wow. I couldn't agree more. And I think we see that so often. And it's so interesting too. I mean, you have daughters as well and it's such a delicate dance as a parent, right? Because there's authority and there's things, but you also want your children to like have that sense of self. And I feel like even when I think of the word peace, it's like this power in who you are and what you are and who you're becoming that allows for you to like be still in the present moment.

8:36Where did this whole idea of protecting your peace come from for you? Tell me kind of how you got to this place and got to a place where you wrote a book all about it. Yeah. So those words started in probably 2010 for me. It was a lot of things going on in my life. I had a lot of great things going on in my life. I was at the highest peak in my life of being a professional athlete. But I realized that I didn't have peace. I realized even I didn't know that was it, but I realized something was missing internally, even though externally everything was aligning up. And so that's when I first started saying, you know, protect my peace.

9:10And that meant for me at the time going to the gym, it meant for me, you know, disconnecting with my friends. But as I got older and I would say 2016, actually, that was the year 2016. I was on a 32 city tour for my event under his influence, my own event. And we're traveling, you know, every city in America, pretty much throughout the country. And there were a lot of things going on in my life personally, but especially professionally. I was carrying a lot, but yet I was at the, at that time, the height of my career. And it was San Francisco. I'll never forget. I was empty. I was depleted. I needed to make decisions that I didn't want to make.

9:52I had to fire some people that I didn't want to fire because I felt that I would be letting them down because I always felt, man, people are so loyal to my yes. When I tell them no, then I'm going to be enemy number one. And so I kept these things around me, which caused silent battles inside me. And I'll never forget, Jenna, I went out there smiling for the camera, down behind the scenes, made everybody happy, cheered everybody up, went backstage, and I cried like a baby. And they had an alleyway, walked outside to the alley because I didn't want my team to see, and I had an encounter. And this was the moment where Protect Your Peace, my peace, became very real for me.

10:30A homeless guy was walking down the alley. I presume he was homeless and he sees me and he said, Hey, like you're the guy everybody's here to see. And I said, yeah, my name is Trent. And he said, man, it must suck to be you. And I looked at him for a moment, like this dude don't know me. You know, I kind of got into my defense mode. Like, who are you? And he said, no, no, no. He's like, I see that you've been crying. Like I see that you're empty inside. And before he can continue to have the conversation, I wanted to deflect and get out the situation. So I reached in my pocket to get my$100 bill.

11:03And he said, no, I don't need that. He said, don't feel sorry for me. I feel sorry for you. He says, on the outside, it may look like I have nothing. But on the inside, I have everything because I have peace. And he said, in your life, it's the opposite right now. And that moment was a moment that changed my life forever. That was the moment where I said, you know what? Peace is going to be the number one priority in my life. Wow. That is powerful. I feel like so many people listening right now, if they were to close their eyes and get super honest with themselves about what their piece is and if they can even define it, I would say that most people couldn't even define what that meant for them right now.

11:47Right. The world has never been busier. We were busy like a badge of honor. We are chasing things. Our to do lists are never ending. We are ending the days exhausted. We are wired. We are tired. how do we even get to a place of defining peace like in that moment where you have this like oh crap what did it look like for you to kind of piece together what peace actually is and how do you embody it yeah i had to disconnect from all the external because if you look at your life if you don't have peace in your life i'm pretty sure it's tied to something external and what i talk about in this book, the introduction is the constant battle.

12:30Every single day, it's a constant battle for your worth, for your peace, for your happiness between two entities, the external and the internal. And so I had to disconnect. I had to ask myself like, who is Trent Shelton without? Yeah. Without the title, without the things surrounding my life, who am I? And I didn't know at that time. And so I went on that journey of solitude. I went on that journey of figuring things out, disconnecting in nature and really trying to find myself and understand myself and actually enjoy spending time with myself. I think a big problem is that most people don't enjoy spending time with themselves.

13:03They try to avoid themselves because there's some truths that you might have to face and some realities that you can't run from no more. The moment for me too was realizing that I, and I think this will help a lot of business owners, is I had to ask myself this question, Jenna. I said, what's controlling my pace? And I've been talking about this a lot, being loyal to your pace. At that time in my life, I wasn't loyal to my pace. And as a runner, if you're listening to this, you know, pace is everything when you run and when you get out of pace, eventually you're going to burn out. You're going to be tired.

13:36And we live in a society now. And at that time in my life, my pace was being controlled by scarcity. My pace was being controlled by finances. Lord, my pace was being controlled by comparison. And I think it's a epidemic going on right now with social media that there's so much comparison or even FOMO that I have to be doing this. Oh, it needs to look like this. I don't have time and I have to rush the process. Like I'm following Jenna and Trent and they're doing the thing. I'm in year one, but I have to be a year 15 and year one. And you get out of pace. And if you get out of pace, burnout is going to happen.

14:11Quitting is going to happen. You thinking this is not meant for your life is going to happen. So I had to say, man, I need something more sustainable to control my pace. And so it was peace. It was trust, trust in knowing that if I trusted the process, if I did the work, eventually that finish line is going to show up at some point in my life. And that has changed my life because to some people, Jenna, and you know this too, some people, I might look like a turtle, like Trent should be doing more. Like you should be doing this and this to some people. I look like a cheetah, like, man, you're doing everything.

14:47And I don't allow the outside noise to kill my internal voice to say, OK, yes, I may look like this. I may look like that. But I know this is the pace for me to run an efficient race in my life. And it's changed my life. When we were young, we dreamed of castles and fairy tales. And as we grow up, those dreams might shift into building something real, like starting a business. You need a website, payment systems, a logo, and a way to reach customers. It can all be overwhelming and confusing, but thankfully, that's where today's sponsor, Shopify, comes in. Shopify powers millions of businesses around the world and 10 % of all U.S.

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16:09Shopify.com slash gold digger.

16:15Look, I've become kind of a systems nerd and anything that gives me more space in my day, I'm all in. And a reliable connection is a huge part of that because when the internet lags or cuts out, everything pauses and suddenly the simplest tasks take forever. I learned really early on that dependable internet, it's not a luxury, it is a must. Whether you're a content creator like me, a restaurant owner, or running a busy dry cleaning business, you need that steady connection to support your team and your clients. That's why I'm excited to share a solution for my fellow business owners. Spectrum Business keeps businesses of all types connected with internet, advanced Wi-Fi, phone, TV, and mobile services, all with connectivity solutions built for your budget.

16:57And they have a truly incredible offer. Business owners can get free business internet advantage forever when you add four or more mobile lines. It's simple with no contracts and no added fees. Visit spectrum.com forward slash free for life to learn how you can get business internet free forever. Restrictions apply. Services not available in all areas. I love the discussion of pace because I think that we are running through life thinking everything is urgent. And there are very few things that are truly urgent. We operate my business at a very peaceful pace. Our mantra this year is let it be easy.

17:36And I feel like that urgency is what is like fueling so many people where they feel like they're just constantly putting out fires, but making no progress. And so I love that it is this individualized. And I think too, like even in my own life, and I think for a lot of my listeners too, and for you too, Trent, like you have kids, there are seasons for like the hustle, right? Sometimes the hustle is required, There are also seasons where you hit the brake pedal and you trust that you know where the gas pedal lies. And I think that a lot of that, again, comes back to yourself and your knowing. And when you trust yourself, it's not scary to slow down.

18:17I think a lot of people are afraid of slowing down, but it's because they don't trust themselves for things like momentum and knowing when to go again. Was that anything for you? Like, did you feel like slowing down was like shutting down? Yeah, for sure. especially as an athlete. Yeah. You know, it's just in my blood to be like, if you're not doing nothing, if you're resting, that means you're being lazy. Yeah. And I believe rest is one of the greatest recipes to success. And even with your pace, right? Just like in a race, a marathon or 5k, or if you're, you know, trying to get in better shape, there's times where you push your pace.

18:53There's times where you say, you know what, I'm used at a seven minute mile. Let me just try 6.30, maybe for today or maybe just for two minutes and you see where you're at. So in my life, in my seasons, yeah, I'll see where I'm at. And sometimes I'm like, okay, I'm in shape to handle this. Like I'm in a good place. Sometimes I'm like, Hey, this is too much. Let me dial it back. And so I'm always having that dance with my pace to see where I'm at, but I'm always going to be loyal to the season that I'm at. So if I know like right now I'm in a pace where it's fast, you know, I'm traveling everywhere, but I'm not killing myself, but I know I can handle it because I prepare myself for it.

19:28So I would tell listeners, you know, it isn't always just rest or chill or relax. It just depends on what your season is, but you have to know yourself to be able to know what you can handle. Yeah. One of the things you brought up that I want to dig a little bit deeper into as you were talking about, like the opinions of others, like to some people, you might look slow to some people, you might look fast. And right away, when I heard about your book and this title, Protect Your Peace. One of the biggest things I thought about is just how so often our peace is impacted by outside voices. Like you're no stranger to the same criticism that we all get for people that are showing up and trying to make an impact.

20:07And I think that so many people, and there is this historical proof and evidence that a lot of women are more afraid of success than failure. Because I think with success, it brings more eyes and more ideas and more feedback. And so can we talk about this idea of protecting your peace in the realm of receiving feedback and criticism? Because I think that's a huge thing that can really make people feel like they're shakable. Yeah. And it's crazy you said that, Jenna, like that was my biggest fear of success. Yeah. Because every level of success that I got to in my life, I lost people. I lost friends.

20:47I lost even family members like criticism came. So I actually kind of feared success for so long. So I can relate. You know, I would tell the listener this. There's so many areas in the book really protect your mind section. I talk about with trusting your vision and shift your perspective. And I'll just stay with perspective. What's helped serve me is understanding a few things. Number one, And I know this seems super motivational and inspirational, but it's true. Like if you're doing nothing, you're not going to receive nothing. So if you have attention on you and people have critiques, people have criticisms, then congratulations.

21:25That means that you're doing something worth criticizing. And for me, I would rather have that any day than not have, you know, a life that's not making no impact. So as the great quote says, if you don't want any criticism, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing. So I want to just start off with that perspective, but I want to give you this perspective also, like, where is it coming from? You know, consider the source because a lot of times it's people who, as I always say, won't even be at your funeral. I ain't said one prayer for you, won't help you. And these are the people that you're allowing to control your greatness, to control the voice that's meant for you to give to the world.

22:03Because I always think about the bigger picture. You know, when the meaning becomes big enough, the hate, the criticism will never become strong enough. You know, if a listener right now, you have a kid and always talk about fear with this, but you have a kid and your kid is, you know, in dire help and need. And there's like a freaking tiger out there that you're afraid of. You don't care about the tiger because you want to save your kid. And it's the same with your business and your goals and your mission. Like when it becomes big. So mine was a promise to my friend that committed suicide. So any hate, any criticism?

22:34Yeah, I heard it, but I didn't allow it to define me. Peace is this, Jenna. And I want to explain this definition. I think it'll help them a little bit. Yeah. Peace is, I would say peace is something you can't experience if you allow the things that you can't control to control you, right? Peace doesn't mean that the storm doesn't exist. It means that the storm will pass. It doesn't mean that you don't have chaos around your life. It means that the chaos doesn't kill the calm inside you. And so I would tell the person listening to this is like, develop a deeper meaning on what you're doing. Can you control what they say?

23:10No, you can't. And oftentimes, yes, I know it's hard when it's the people closest to you that give you the most criticism and feedback. But what people are doing, and I've learned this, is they're projecting their insecurities and fears on you. So it's less about you and it's more about what they're not doing with their life. And so that's helped me protect my peace and be like, oh, they don't understand. They've never been successful. They have never tried to achieve what I'm trying to do. They have never tried to be what I'm trying to become. So why would I allow them to stop what's really meant for my life?

23:42And once you build that muscle memory, you start to realize that, oh, it's just opinions. We give way too much power to opinions. Opinions cannot stop you. There can be happens every day to me, Trent, you shouldn't talk like this. You are terrible. You this and this. And I realized like, it's an opinion. Let people have their opinions and you keep living your truth. And you'll realize that the people that are there for you to serve will support you. And that's all you need in this journey. I love that. One of my friends recently said you can observe without absorbing. And I thought that was like so good of like, you can look at it and like, maybe there's some powerful beneficial feedback in there, but you don't have to absorb it.

24:24And I think for so many of us, because we care and because we want to make people happy and make a difference, it's like we absorb all of those thoughts and then those thoughts become our own beliefs. And I think that that can really hold us back. One thing I'm curious about, and you've referenced this. And so let's talk about it a little bit more is that I think people are so afraid to get quiet with themselves. I think they are constantly numbing. I think that it's just our tendencies, right? Like it's like that over busy, overstimulated state that we put ourselves in. Do you have any practices for like checking in with yourself so that you can start to really exercise your knowing of like, what is my piece and how do I protect it?