776: Who Am I Outside of Work and Motherhood, Really?

0:01Okay, I have been on this ruthless pursuit to purge any clothes that I'm not actually wearing. Like if I haven't reached for it in months, it's got to go. I am trying to be really intentional about what I bring into my closet right now, which means I am only buying pieces that I know I will actually wear and use. Revolve just gets it though. I'm literally wearing my brown Autry sneakers from there right now and my new suede purse. It fits my laptop in it. So it's basically a fancy shoulder bag that works for everything. I love finding pieces like that. Things that look good, but also work hard for my actual life.

0:35Their holiday shop is live right now with all the good stuff. Sparkly party dresses, cozy sets, cute gifts, everything you need for whatever is on your calendar. And it's all in one place, which makes shopping feel way less overwhelming. Whether it's a weekend away, a big night out or a holiday party, your dream wardrobe is just one click away. Head to revolve.com forward slash gold digger, shop my edit and take 15 % off your first order with the code gold digger. Fast two day shipping, easy returns. it's literally the only place you need to shop from. That's revolve.com forward slash gold digger to shop by favorites and get 15 % off your first order with the code gold digger offer available for a limited time.

1:15So happy shopping. I recently took a sourdough class and honestly, I think it was everything I needed to remind myself that there is so much pleasure in being and not just doing. Hey, my name is Jenna Kutcher and I am obsessed with all things business, marketing numbers, and helping you to navigate both the messy and the magical seasons of this thing called life. I'm a small town mama who took a$300 camera, grew a successful photo biz, and now I work from home and run a seven figure online business. I teach you the tried and true secrets to building a career you adore. Shy away from the real talk?

1:54No way. Money, hardship, growth, loss, and marketing are all topics we discuss here. Think of this as your one-stop shop for happy hour with a gal pal mixed with business school. Pull up a seat, make sure you're cozy and get ready to be challenged and encouraged while you learn. This is the Gold Digger Podcast. I saw a post the other day and it said, someone asked me to describe who I am and I couldn't say my profession, a wife or a mother, and that hit different. And honestly, I think that for a lot of us, this is a true challenge and it's usually one that we're dealing with in isolation. In a world where we often lead with, tell me what you do.

2:31It's not really a space to share who we are outside of the rules that we play. Over the last few years, I have been on this deep dive of introspection and asking myself the hard questions and trying to give myself the time and the space to rediscover who Jenna really is and who Jenna wants to become. Today, I want to share a little bit with you about what I'm learning, what I'm leaning into, how I'm exploring this nuanced topic, and the questions that I'm asking myself pretty much on a daily basis. And I want to just say I'm doing this as someone who has not fully arrived and honestly doesn't plan to ever fully arrive, but as someone who is deeply committed to being a human outside of being a mom, a wife, and an entrepreneur, which are my favorite roles on planet earth, but also not the totality of who I am or who I want to become in this lifetime.

3:27Let's dive on in. Finding a service solution that helps you better connect with customers and keep them happy can feel impossible. Like trying to remember the name of that girl you just met at a networking event. Was it Mia or Leah? Or could it be Sophia? Yeah, that kind of impossible. HubSpot's all new service hub can help. Well, with the service solution part, at least, it brings service and success together on one powerful platform for the first time ever. Between an AI-powered help desk and an AI chatbot that handles frontline tickets fast, you can scale support and drive retention and revenue.

4:05Plus, it comes with a customer success workspace that helps reps anticipate customer needs. With a full 360 view of every customer, your go-to-market team can keep a pulse on accounts before ever trying to upsell or cross-sell. And you know what that means? Better service and happier customers at every stage of their journey. Visit HubSpot.com slash service to do more for your customers today. That's HubSpot.com slash service. Growing a business can feel really hard and starting one can be even harder. We as entrepreneurs need a community around us to learn from, to ask questions to, and to be inspired by.

4:43That's why you're here, right? Well, there's another great podcast that will help with that. It's called This Is Small Business. You'll hear from people you love, including me. That's right. I was just on an episode of This Is Small Business. The episode is all about why you need an email list. You'll hear me share all the strategies I use to grow my email list, how we make on average$2 a month for every subscriber. And you'll hear how cutting my salary in half was actually what led me to grow my business to seven figures. The host is Andrea Marquez, and she dives into all the questions you have about how to start and grow a small business.

5:19Like how can you use social media to reach new customers? How do you get a business loan? And how much should you charge for your products? This show is full of practical insights you can apply to your business right now. Go follow This Is Small Business, an original podcast from Amazon on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your shows. Big thanks to This Is Small Business for sponsoring this show. Put This Is Small Business alongside Gold Digger in your podcast rotation now. It totally hit me the other day that 2020 was four years ago. And the reason why I'm bringing this up is because I was laying in bed this morning thinking about this episode that I wanted to record for you today.

6:00And I was thinking like, you know, the last few years have been really introspective. No, it's been over four years that I have been really diving into the questions that I'm going to share with you today on this episode. And it's really interesting because in 2020, that was the year that I started writing my book, How Are You Really? And the premise of the book is living your truth one answer at a time, asking yourself the hard questions and then waiting to hear sometimes the hard answers. And I feel like 2020 was kind of the start of me just cracking open and diving deeper and getting really curious about who I am outside of the business I've built and outside of the roles that I play in society.

6:46I still laugh because I remember this conversation. It's stuck with me so clearly over the last four years. We were driving home from up north during 2020. Andrew and I were in the car. We were talking about a mutual friend of ours and she's a mom and she's an entrepreneur. And I remember Drew saying, I wonder what her hobbies are. And I remember looking over at him in the car and being like, what are our hobbies? Like we have no hobbies. And that was such an awakening to me of like, oh my gosh, we are like so boring. We are boring people. And so question one that I've been asking myself, and that has really evolved with me over the last few years are what are my hobbies outside of the roles that I play.

7:30So for me, what are my hobbies outside of motherhood and business? Or what are the things I enjoyed doing before becoming a mom or starting a business? So this is such a great place to start. I think that reconnecting with our hobbies is something that can make us come alive again. Now, here's something that I want to know. One of my greatest strengths as an entrepreneur, but also my Achilles heel as a human is that I am always curious about how I can monetize something. It is something that has taken me incredibly far in the entrepreneurial world. But I also believe that it has stifled my ability to see the value in doing something for the pure enjoyment of it.

8:14I have been doing a ton of conscious unwiring within myself of some of the beliefs I've had. Like, you know, if I just work harder, everything will be okay. Or, you know, I don't need to choose to rest. Like I work at a different level. And I have started to really lean into the fact that like hobbies are selfish pleasure for me and something to enjoy just for me. And honestly, hobbies to me now feel very sacred. It's stuff that like doesn't usually see the internet. And it's areas of my life that I'm exploring, not for productivity sake, not for the monetary outcome, but simply for the joy that is found within them.

8:57You know, it's interesting. I was at a mastermind years ago before the world shut down. And I remember one of my friends led this meditation. And in the meditation, he said, what would your eight-year-old self be sad to know you no longer do? And the minute he said that, I pictured playing piano. I loved playing piano as a kid. I played all the way up through high school. I'm actually relatively decent at it. And when we built our house, I wanted to have a space for a piano. And honestly, as I'm recording this, I'm realizing I haven't made a lot of time for that piano. And that's an area that I want to spend more time in.

9:34And so it's been really interesting because I think that being a mom and watching the childlike wonder of my children and seeing their creativity and what excites them, it is almost like I'm remothering myself in a beautiful way. My mom was amazing. So not in that way, but just like nurturing that version of myself alongside of my kids. I feel like they are such a mirror for me of like, oh my gosh, remember when you would just sit at the table and color for hours where we've been building this intricate fairy house. And even before Coco went to school today, she ran downstairs, she got these cute little things from her dollhouse and she had all these ideas for the fairies.

10:15And like, just that brings me so much joy. And it reminds me of like that creative kid is still in you. And so I have been really getting interested and curious about like, what are my hobbies? And like, what do I enjoy outside of work that has nothing to do with work that isn't content that has no other drive except for pleasure and curiosity? So my challenge for you is this, like, what are some hobbies that you could reintroduce into your routine, even if it's just a short amount of time each week, whether it's pulling out your watercolor paints or getting the air in the tires of your bike so you can go out on a ride or sitting down at the table and doing a paint by number.

10:55Like what could that be? One thing that I'm laughing at is I'm watching the clock right now because I mixed up a bunch of sourdough dough this morning and I'm watching the timing. So I'm like, Oh, I got to go do some stretch and folds in 30 minutes. But I recently took a sourdough class. And honestly, I think it was everything I needed to remind myself that there is so much pleasure in being and not just doing. And I recognize making sourdough is an act of doing, but it has slowed me down so much. It has just brought back so much joy. And it has been something that has just challenged me to enjoy the slowness of it and the gift of being able to give my friends a loaf of sourdough and enjoying something that I created with my own two hands.

11:43It's, it's been very pivotal. I know sourdough is trendy like four years ago, but I am telling you like for my wiring of efficiency and productivity, it has been such a beautiful, beautiful thing to ground me and crack me up. And so a few of my current hobbies that will probably shift and evolve in the next six months is sourdough bread baking pain by numbers. Drew and I have a really fun one that we're working on. I want to ride my bike more now that it's getting warm out, weightlifting. We are learning how to be beekeepers. So we're going to have bees getting back to playing the piano. I'm reading some books on spirituality.

12:19I also joined the local rowing club. So like I am just going all in on like, what do I want to do for fun? And it has honestly been so life-giving. It's a time in my life where I am more excited about the things outside of my work than the work itself. And that feels like very awesome. And I'm also feeling like out of the weeds of like little kids. My youngest is too. So she's still small. But yeah, I just, I feel like we're like entering this next stage and I'm loving it. Okay. Question number two, how do I define success and fulfillment in my personal life? And I came to the realization that for me, defining success and fulfillment comes down to one thing, having a balanced nervous system, having a calm nervous system.

13:04Like to me, that is true success. And let me tell you, I'm around some of the most successful entrepreneurs on the planet these days. Most of them do not have balanced nervous systems. I can literally feel their energy when I'm with them and see the stress. And so this has been something where I have just recognized like success isn't like smashing last year's numbers. Like for me, it is like that peace and ease that I've been craving. Look, I've become kind of a systems nerd and anything that gives me more space in my day, I'm all in. And a reliable connection is a huge part of that because when the internet lags or cuts out, everything pauses and suddenly the simplest tasks take forever.

13:47I learned really early on that dependable internet, it's not a luxury, it is a must. Whether you're a content creator like me, a restaurant owner, or running a busy dry cleaning business, you need that steady connection to support your team and your clients. That's why I'm excited to share a solution for my fellow business owners. Spectrum Business keeps businesses of all types connected with internet, advanced Wi-Fi, phone, TV, and mobile services, all with connectivity solutions built for your budget. And they have a truly incredible offer. Business owners can get free business internet advantage forever when you add four or more mobile lines.

14:24It's simple with no contracts and no added fees. Visit spectrum.com forward slash free for life to learn how you can get business internet free forever. Restrictions apply. Services not available in all areas. Okay, I have been on this ruthless pursuit to purge any clothes that I'm not actually wearing. Like if I haven't reached for it in months, it's got to go. I am trying to be really intentional about what I bring into my closet right now, which means I am only buying pieces that I know I will actually wear and use. Revolve just gets it though. I'm literally wearing my brown Autry sneakers from there right now and my new suede purse.

15:02It fits my laptop in it so it's basically a fancy shoulder bag that works for everything. I love finding pieces like that. Things that look good but also work hard for my actual life. Their holiday shop is live right now with all the good stuff. Sparkly party dresses, cozy sets, cute gifts, everything you need for whatever is on your calendar. And it's all in one place, which makes shopping feel way less overwhelming. Whether it's a weekend away, a big night out, or a holiday party, your dream wardrobe is just one click away. Head to revolve.com forward slash gold digger, shop my edit and take 15 % off your first order with the code gold digger.

15:40Fast two-day shipping, easy returns. It's literally the only place you need to shop from. That's revolve.com forward slash gold digger to shop my favorites and get 15 % off your first order with the code gold digger offer available for a limited time. So happy shopping. About a year ago, we met with Thea. If you've read my book, you will know who Thea is. She is the one who inspired my book. She is just this amazing intuitive woman. She does massage therapy. She's just she's just an awesome woman. She's been in my life ever since that first massage where she told me there's something you need to do and you're not doing it.

16:17And that day I started writing my book. And about a year ago, I went to see her and we were just sitting on the porch, looking at Lake Superior and talking together. And I remember just saying, you know, in my life right now, I feel like motherhood and everyone else comes before like me. And we all know that line. You can't pour from an empty cup. I get it. But it's so easy to get lost in everyone else's needs. And I would argue that there are times in your life where that is what needs to happen in order to survive. And Thea challenged me that day and she was telling me about a practice she had in her own life called a sacred day.

16:57And I kind of scoffed. I was like, wow, I have kids. I have a business. What the heck is a sacred day? And it was just this time where she could spend it however she wanted without judgment. So if she wanted to take a nap, if she wanted to read a book, if she wanted to go out and do appointments, like whatever that was. And I remember just thinking, there's no way I can do this. Like Drew's a stay at home dad. I can't just be like, peace. I'm going on my sacred day. Good luck. And so that was when we made the decision to invite extra help into our lives. And so Drew has a sacred day on Mondays.

17:30I have a sacred day on Fridays. And it has been so life-giving to both of us. And I recognize there's so much privilege in being able to have that time and to be able to afford to pay somebody else. But even just a few hours a week of just whatever you want to do, the no judgment zone. And so for me, it's been so amazing because I have been reading more. I have been resting more. I went to a yoga class last week, just figuring out like, what does my soul actually crave right now? And how do I kind of protect the sacred, like protect the soul and the spirit. And I feel like for a lot of us, self-care looks like, you know, in our mind's eye, it looks like a bubble bath or face mask.

18:15And I've realized that self-care for me is making time for a hot yoga class or reading a book instead of scrolling on my phone or listening to a meditation and not a podcast when to have downtime. It doesn't have to take over your life, but it can be incorporated in. But to get to that space, it has to be prioritized and communicated. And your partner or your spouse is not going to read your mind on what this means or what this can look like. But I also realized it's been so beneficial for Drew because during the week, he's with the kids. And so him having one day where he can go to the YMCA and shoot hoops with his buddy or do a coffee date with another friend, like it's like that time where we get to be unattached to the roles we play and get to get curious with what do I really want or need?

18:59So maybe you're like me when Thea told me about this and you're scoffing right now and you're like, as if I wish this could be, but let me just plant that seed that maybe this could be possible sooner than you think. Question number three is what kind of relationships do I want to cultivate outside of my immediate family and work environment? So the other day I was in the car on a long drive going to see some friends and I texted one of my best friends We talk every single day and I had this realization That you know lately she's been incredibly social But I kind of woke up to the fact that like she's only been social with people that are in our industry And that's not a bad thing.

19:38I love the people in our industry. Some of my dearest friends are in the industry but I also realized that as I was driving to be with friends who I've known for over a decade, I was so excited to be with them because I just felt like I could just be like, they don't care about my latest launch. They don't care about how many downloads a podcast gets or how many books I've sold. Like we don't even talk about that because I just get to be when I'm with them. And so I voice memo this friend of mine. I said, I just want to share something I've been thinking about. And I just want you to sit with it.

20:08And this is totally coming from a place of love, but all of your relationships lately are in the industry and you've been incredibly social, but you're also incredibly drained. And I feel like you're always on, you have to always be on and ready. And that persona of yourself, which is beautiful, right? But what would it look like for you to have friends where you can just be who you are and it has nothing to do with what you do. And it was funny because I sent that voice memo and it didn't fully go through. And then I was like, Oh no, I totally ticked her off. No, chief voice. I want to be back later.

20:43And she said, you know what? My therapist just said the same thing. And when I think about this of like, what kind of relationships do I want outside of my immediate family and work environment for me, moving back home five years ago, I was building this business, growing a baby, starting her family. And like all I really had time for in terms of getting together with was my family. And I loved it. Anytime I had free time and space, I wanted to be with my family. Like I hadn't been near them in over a decade. And so my family was it. And I feel like now that we're out of the weeds with parenthood and we're getting more connected in the community, I have more space and flexibility to be with other friends.

21:25But I just think it's something to think about because if your friends are people that you are paying or that there is some other agreement within that, like you don't really get to be yourself. There's always that like reciprocity at play or like scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. And like that to me, isn't like a true deep friendship. And so over the past few years, I've actually done some really awesome episodes about cultivating relationships and friendships. This is something I have been really prioritizing. So there's episode number 714, how to actually make and keep friends as a busy entrepreneur.

22:00I'm linking that up in today's show notes and show description. And this one is a really great episode of just talking about like, what does it actually look like to be in pursuit of real friendships? But here's what I'll say is invest in relationships, like make an effort to nurture friendships and relationships outside of your family and your business circles. Schedule regular outings with your friends, join parenting groups, participate in community events, expand your social network, connect with people who share your interests. When I did that sourdough class. My mom and I did it together.

22:32And most of the women were like my mother's age, but I enjoyed being with them every week. Like we felt like this community working towards this goal together. And it was just beautiful. It was just reminded me of like to the power of like elders in your life and learning from people who have gone before you. And it was just awesome. Tomorrow night, I'm getting together with some local moms and we get together once a month and it's just such good time. And like, I just love connecting with them about where we're at with motherhood and marriage. A couple of weeks ago, I went to a high school friend's baby shower and got to spend time.

23:05I hadn't been with my core group of high school girls in 15 years. And we went to the shower at noon and we didn't leave till 8 PM. Like we had so much to catch up on. And so I've just been really prioritizing friendships and not just industry relationships, but like true ride or die friendships. And I think that that has changed so much for me. The other night I was awake in the middle of the night and I was just thinking about this thought of like the things that we tell ourselves we'll do when life slows down. And I don't know if you've ever had a similar experience, but like life is not going to slow down.

23:39It's only getting busier. Time is only moving faster and it's not going to slow down. We have to slow it down. And like, I woke up the next day, I called my grandparents. I talked to my sister-in-law on the phone. I went to yoga. I sent a gift to a friend in the mail. Like I just, when I thought of that, I'm like, relationships are everything. And I've been really leaning into that fact a lot more these days. Question number four is what do I want my legacy to be beyond my career and family? So I think this is huge. And I heard this line the other day and I just thought, whoa, it is, I want to leave a legacy, but am I willing to live a legacy?

24:18This is a huge question I've been asking myself. And honestly, I'm not sure what this is going to truly look like. I feel like I've stopped trying to define like, Hey, what is my life's purpose? And I flipped the question to ask myself, what is my purpose in this stage of life? A lot of times I think we're paralyzed in waiting for like our purpose to show up or like to understand like, this is the thing I put on this planet to do. And when we do that, I think we are so paralyzed that we don't take any action. And so instead I've been really asking myself, okay, in this stage of life with my children at this age, with what I know that I know right now, what is my purpose in life right now?

25:02And I feel like it eliminates the urgency of like figuring out like, this is my entire legacy. This is what people are going to say at my funeral someday. And it just lets you define, here's where I'm best serving my life, my family, my team, my business at this stage of life. For a lot of years, I've been really active in donating to different causes that I love. And that stage of life for me was like, hey, I have money, but I don't have a lot of time. And lately, I've been feeling more of a pull to donate my time and money to get more involved with the organizations that I care about. And the other day I applied to like be a volunteer at a local soup kitchen and just different things like that.

25:43And so again, that stage of life, the past stage of life where all I could do was give money. That's great. I was very honest about that. This stage of life, I'm like, Hey, I have more bandwidth. I have more time. What would that look like? And so again, just kind of getting clear on like, what is the purpose of this stage of life? And like, how do I just live into that? It's time for Cyber Monday, Dell technology's biggest sale of the year. You'll find the lowest prices of the year on select Dell PCs like the Dell 16 Plus with Intel Core Ultra processors. And with built-in advanced AI features, it's the PC that helps you do more faster.